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3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask – Even If He Wants To

I have a client who is in a new relationship. She loves her man but has some very real hesitations. The most notable one is that she feels like he doesn’t make her a priority. She feels taken for granted and certainly not cherished. She has told him that she feels this way, hoping for change. And, in spite of his assertions that he loves her, it just doesn’t happen.

Why, you wonder, can’t her boyfriend, who loves her, change his behavior? Because of a very frustrating, but very real, thing known as resistance.

Resistance is a trait found in all of us…a trait that makes us hesitant to do anything that might bring about change. Even if it’s for the better.

Resistance makes us want to put the brakes on and never release them.

Resistance is something we often aren’t even aware of but it affects almost every decision we make.

Resistance can end great things before they even start.

Here is my latest..3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask – Even If He Wants To.

#1 – Fear of Change

Resistance is based on the fear of change. And people are really, really afraid of change.

When faced with the idea of change most people’s reactions are “Things are just fine this way. Why would I want to do anything differently?”

Resistance to change in love can have a devastating effect. There are two people in a relationship and two peoples whose needs need to be met. When one person asks for something different the other person needs to consider if they are willing to adapt to keep the relationship moving forward.

And that is the key. Adaptation. If one person needs something different then a conversation needs to be had.

My client expressed her needs very clearly. She knew that he heard what she said and he even said that he would try to put her first. But he didn’t. Or couldn’t. And it hurt her.

The best way to overcome fear of change is communication. Talk to each other. Compromise. Make each other a priority.

#2 – Fear of Ability

The second piece of resistance is one’s fear of the ability to do what someone asks. Does the person being asked fear that they will not be able to do what is being asked of them?

That can be paralyzing.

Perhaps my client’s beau didn’t know if he was capable of making her a priority. Perhaps he knew that his bike and the kids would always come first. But he knew if he expressed that he might lose her. So instead of explaining that fear he kept quiet.

The result? She was devastated by his continued actions and I am sure he didn’t feel very good about it either.

The best way to overcome fear of ability is communication. If he had been able to express his anxiety perhaps they could have worked together to find a solution.

#3 – Fear of Outcome

The last piece of resistance is the fear of outcome.

So many of the reasons that people don’t take action is that they are scared of how it will all turn out. They know, to a certain extent, how things will turn out if they stay on the current path but have no idea what will happen if they change course.

For my client’s boyfriend he knew that the way he had acted so far had resulted in his winning this amazing girl and still being able to excel on his bike and support his kids in a loving and productive way.

What would happen if he started putting her first? Would his bike and his kids suffer? He didn’t want them to suffer but he also didn’t want to lose her. Maybe they wouldn’t suffer but was it worth the risk?

He was afraid. So he chose his bike and his children, hoping that she would understand. He didn’t talk to her about his decision and as a result he hurt her more.

The best way to overcome the fear of outcome is communication. She needed to know how he was feeling. They could have talked it through. She might have understood.

So there you go – my 3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask.

It is important to know that while resistance can play a destructive role in relationships it is not, most likely, a reflection of the emotions that the resistor feels for his loved one.

He most likely loves her madly but is unwilling, or unable, to face and overcome his resistance. So it is up to her. Is she willing to live not being a priority? How important is it to her? Can she be in this relationship knowing he loves her and have that be enough?

For my client that wasn’t enough. She expressed her needs and he continued to resist and she walked away. She knew she wanted to be cherished and set out finding someone who could do so.

Do you have a man paralyzed by resistance? Contact me and I can help!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming

An opportunity comes along. A once in a lifetime opportunity – that job you have always wanted, the love you have always sought, a move that could change your life. You should be excited, right? No! Instead you find yourself scared out of your wits.

Why? Wonderful opportunities often come with that dreaded thing…change. And change is scary. Paralyzingly so, at times.

But don’t run. There are ways to face fear head on so that you don’t miss an opportunity that could change your life.

Here is my latest… 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming.

#1 – Take a deep breath.

Yes, I know I always say this but deep breaths are essential for keeping yourself from running from fear.

When presented with something that scares us the hormones in our body produce the fight or flight response: we can either stay (fight) or run (flight). More often than not flight seems the easiest option so that’s what we do – we run. But if, when faced with something that scares us, we take a deep breath we immediately calm that instinct. Without our heart racing and our hormones pumping it’s much easier to face down that scary thing in front of you.

So next time you feel yourself starting to run from something that scares you stop and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in 3 seconds and out 5 seconds. Before you know it you will be thinking clearer and can move on to face what you need to face.

#2 – Ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of.

Many of us feel fear as a general feeling. We don’t take the time to identify exactly what we are afraid of. And not knowing what we are afraid of makes it very difficult to deal with those fears.

So make a list. One that details what exactly it is that scares you most about the situation. And then take those fears one at a time and address them.

I have a client who was so unhappy with her marriage that she decided if they just moved, anywhere, all would be good. The prospect of picking up and moving to another country was more appealing to her than the prospect of sitting down with her husband to work on their marriage.

She was making plans for this move when I met her. I challenged her on her plans and asked her why she couldn’t face her husband. What was she afraid of?

It took her a while to answer but her list looked like this:

  1. I am scared that we will have to talk about how we feel.
  2. I am afraid that I will get hurt.
  3. I am afraid that our marriage won’t work even if we try to work on it.

Once she had her list she knew exactly what she was afraid of. We talked about each specific thing and were able to more easily address each one because she had identified them so clearly. Addressing fear as a general concept is almost impossible.

She still lives in her family home and she shares it with the man she married and they are working things out. It’s not easy but she is happy.

#3 – Push back against those negative thoughts

Yes, back to those lovely thoughts in your head. The ones that tell you that you just can’t do anything. Especially anything new and risky. The brain likes things to stay the same. The same is easiest.

But staying the same is not how we find happiness. Happiness comes from taking risks and facing fears. So when those self-defeating thoughts enter your head shut them down, one at a time.

I have a question I always ask when making a decision about something scary. “What’s the worst that can happen?” It works every time.

I have a client who is being given a job opportunity that could change her life. She is scared to make the move because she isn’t sure if she can make enough money to maintain her life. We talked about how much she would need and I asked her if she would be comfortable asking for that salary when offered the job. She hesitated.

I asked her what was the worst that could happen. For her, the worst would be that the amount would not be doable. But I pointed out that armed with that info she could make an informed decision about whether to take the job or not. And if the amount was doable then YAY, good for her for speaking up for herself!

So use those thoughts of yours to fight your fears and not succumb to them.

#4 – Recognize that history is just that. History.

Many of our fears are grounded in our history. I read a quote recently that said “it is not the moment that is tragic but the memory.” Think about it. It’s true, isn’t it?

We carry the memories of a lifetime of moments that have caused us pain and we use these memories as fuel for our fears.

But we need to remember that those memories are in the past and we are now looking at our present and future.

I have a client who is madly in love with a man who loves her madly back but his life is complicated and he isn’t always emotionally available to her. Both her father and her ex-husband weren’t emotionally unavailable and both ultimately left her. This caused her immeasurable pain, pain that she has carried forward in her life.

So now she is scared about committing to this man because she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

She and I are working together to look at the differences and similarities between these three men and identify what in particular scares her. She is then having open discussions with her man about her fears.

She isn’t letting her past pull her away from this man but she is proactively addressing her fears and making decisions based on present circumstances instead of ancient history.

And she is feeling hopeful. Very hopeful.

#5 – Embrace it. It’s Exciting!

Imagine if every day for the rest of your life was going to be the same. The same routine with no challenges or excitement. Just sameness.

Things that are scary are harbingers of change and change is one of those things that makes life a better place.

Yes, confronting your fears could allow you to save your marriage, get that job of your dreams or the love of your life and that would be wonderful. But the biggest outcome from facing your fears is the strength you gain as a person.

When you have faced your fears and overcome them you gain a huge sense of accomplishment, one that will always stay with you and only serve you well in the future .

Imagine that next fear coming along and you thinking “I’ve got this.” And you would know that you did because you have faced fear before and prevailed.

It would be pretty awesome, no?

So there you go. My 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear.

Life is a scary place, full of all sorts of twists and turns, things that happen that change the way we thought things were going to be. It’s exciting but very scary. And it’s okay to be scared.

But know that you have the power to push past that fear, to reach for everything that you have ever wanted. And once you learn you have that power your life will never again be the same.

So go for it. Whatever you have ever wanted. Go for it. You can do it!


Looking for more ways to face fear?  Contact me here and I can help!

To welcome in 2017 I am offering one free session to the first 5 people who reach out.

So do so TODAY.


 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution – Even if You Never Have Before

I think the worst part of New Years is the pressure to make a resolution. Now don’t get me wrong, I think that the New Year is a great time to take a look at one’s life and figure out what one might do differently but the prospect of making and keeping a RESOLUTION seems so overwhelming and fruitless.

I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be. There are ways to make a resolution and stick to it and bring about real change in your life. You just have to approach it in a way that will ensure success.

Here is my latest…5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution – Even if You Never Have Before.

#1 – Like, no LOVE, your resolution.

There is lots of pressure to come up with a New Year’s resolution. I mean what else can you talk about at your New Year’s Eve party other than your drama filled Christmas dinner?

The first rule of keeping a resolution is to actually like it, to be passionate about it. Sure, we can all say we want to lose 5 pounds or be nicer to our kids or spend less time at work but is that what you REALLY want. Does thinking about your resolution get your heart pounding, your blood rushing, your cheeks flushing?

If yes, go for it.
If no, it’s not the right resolution for you.

What you want for your resolution is something that will make your heart sing. Something that you really, really want to happen, something that you will make a priority in your life.

Because if you want something really badly you are more likely to work hard to get it.

#2 – Make your resolution a little smaller.

Most of our resolutions are BIG. Big because we want to bring about big change in our lives and we tend to like to go BIG when we make declarations.

The problem with BIG is that it sounds good at conception but is hard to complete during follow through. We live chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting lives and trying to pack in a whole bunch of change at once is simply not sustainable.

And when something is not sustainable we give up.

So make your resolution smaller. Want to lose weight, eat better and get more exercise? Sounds great but chances are if you try to change your diet, get off your butt and lose weight all at the same time you will fail because that’s a lot of change at once.

So choose one of these things as your resolution.

Try choosing exercise. Make some time for exercise 4 days a week but continue to eat the way you do. You might find that once you start exercising regularly you will want to tweak your diet a little bit because you are feeling so good and once you do that you might lose weight.

Or try choosing to eat better. Tweak your diet a bit, without adding the pressure of exercise. You just might find that eating better makes you feel healthier which might get you exercising more which could lead to weight loss.

See how this works? Choose one thing. Anyone can do one thing, especially you.

#3 – Write it down.

A sure fire way to succeed in your resolution is to write it down.

It’s easy to declare at the stroke of midnight what you are resolute about in the New Year but putting your resolution onto paper is a key to succeeding at keeping it.

Capturing your words on paper will serve two purposes. The first is that the words are no longer just floating around in your head but they have been captured. And words that are captured are more easily remembered.

The second reason to write something down is that now you have physical proof of your resolution. This proof you can put at the top of your to-do list or on the fridge or next to your bed. Somewhere where you will see it regularly and be reminded of it.

So write down your small resolution. Be as specific as possible. Don’t say “get more exercise” say “walk 1 mile 3 times a week.” Don’t say “eat healthier” say “add vegies to my dinner during the work week.” Clear, measurable items.

#4 – Find someone to hold you accountable.

We all mean to keep our resolutions. Really we do. We share them with our friends and family and they are excited about them but then they go off to keep their own resolutions and forget about yours.

And more often than not they fail at those resolutions and don’t want to talk about resolutions at all, ever again.

So find someone who will not only hold you accountable but who can help you take measurable steps to hit that resolution out of the park.

My recommendation? A life coach. Namely ME!

#5 – Reward yourself.

We all like to think that keeping a resolution is a reward unto itself and in a way it is. Losing weight would be wonderful. Feeling healthier could change your life. Succeeding would make you feel so much better about yourself.

And, yes, these things are true but really we all love rewards. LOVE REWARDS.

So think about something that you could reward yourself with if you succeed in sticking to your resolution. Something that would make your heart sing.

Last year a client resolved to be nicer to her mother-in-law. She made a list specifying what that would look like and we set out a timeline for her to make those things happen. We had monthly benchmarks to review her progress.

We decided that if she met those monthly goals she would reward herself with a manicure, something she loved but rarely indulged in. We also decided that if she kept it up for 6 months she would get a massage as well. And, the cherry on top, if she was still being nicer to her mother-in-law in one year she would get a spa weekend away.

I know, you are probably thinking that this is one selfish resolution but it worked! My client was able to consistently get along with her mother-in-law, which completely changed the dynamic in her family, and along the way she got beautiful nails and a little self care. Really it was a win/win for everyone.

So there you go, my 5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution.

As a life coach I am a big believer in life change. I think we all need to shake things up to keep things interesting and make ourselves happy. I also believe in doing it one step at a time.

So think carefully this year before you make your resolution. Make sure it is something that will truly make your face flush and your heart pound.

This is the year you can do it! I know you can.

Need more help reaching your goals? Contact me and I can help.

 

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Things You Can Change to Be Happy – Even If Change Scares the $*%& Out of You

Change. Many of us dread it. We are plodding along just fine so why do we need to change anything? Change just causes stress which only leads to more unhappiness. Right?

Ask yourself if you are really happy. If you got hit by a bus tomorrow would you go to the other side with no regrets? Have you lived a life that made your heart sing?

If your answer to my question is yes, well done!

If your answer to my question is no, read on.

Here is my latest: 5 Things You Can Change to Be Happy – Even If Change Scares the $*%& Out of You.

# 1 – Your thoughts.

You know those pesky thoughts that incessantly course through your head? You know the ones. The ones that tell you aren’t enough. Not pretty enough, not smart enough, not successful enough.

Yes, those thoughts. The thoughts that are holding you back.

Did you know that letting those thoughts run rampant through your head does only one thing – allow those things to become your reality. Running negative tapes manifests negative outcomes. Running positive tapes manifests positive outcomes.

It’s time to change those thoughts. It won’t be easy but with a little determination you can bring about big change.

One of my clients had spent a lifetime telling herself that she just wasn’t worthy of love. A variety of factors had led her to believe this to be true and because her brain consistently reinforced her belief she had a hard time finding someone to love her. And not finding love reinforced her belief that the words in her head were true.

I challenged her to challenge those thoughts. To talk back to the negative thoughts and provide evidence that they just weren’t true. When she thought that no one ever loved her I encouraged her to make a list of those who had. Her various boyfriends throughout the years, her parents, her friends, her kids, the barista guy who had flirted with her for years. Those people liked and loved her. Happily.

She kept this list easily accessible and when that dreaded thought reared it’s ugly head she referred to the list. Gradually that thought in her head, being starved of reasons why it was true, became much quieter.

And then, armed with her new feeling of self worth, she flirted back with that barista and it looks like she just might live happily ever after.

#2 – Your mind.

Ok, so you have a disagreement with someone over something big or small. Politics. Who left the toilet seat up.The color of the sky. Which is better, crunchy or smooth peanut butter. Everyday stuff.

That disagreement gets heated and there is just no settling the difference of opinion. You both stalk off in a huff.

Sound familiar?

How important is it to you to be right all of the time? Are you capable of looking at both sides of an argument and maybe being swayed to change your mind?

Being able to change your mind is a powerful thing. It is not the weakness that some might see it but really a great strength.

I have a client who always had to be right. In any and every conflict she dug in and insisted that it was her way or the highway. As a result her relationships were struggling. Her spouse spent most of his time working on his golf game, her teenagers only talked to her when they needed money and she knew that her co-workers avoided her.

It was only when I started pointing out to her how many times in one hour she said “but I was right” did she start connecting the dots. Her desire to be right was alienating her from all that was good in her life.

My client made a conscious effort to change her behavior: she decided to start picking her battles. Things that weren’t as important to her she would let go. Who left the toilet seat up? Who cares. The color of the sky? Who knows. Smooth or crunchy? Oooh, that’s a tough one.

As a result of being able to change her mind my client became a lot more pleasant to be around and her loved ones returned. She learned, the hard way, that not being right all the time felt a whole lot better than being right and alone.

#3 – Your habits.

Yes, we love our habits. And we all have many of them. Habits are very comfortable and allow us to go through our days on auto-pilot.

Habits can be anything. Eating the same breakfast everyday, always driving the same route home, stopping for a doughnut before picking your kids up from school. Habits. Like a comfy pair of slippers you can wear all day.

I am not suggesting that you break your habits completely but a little shifting can make a big difference.

Try eggs instead of cereal for breakfast one morning – you could find they give you more energy for your day. Drive a different way home from work and you might find the Thai restaurant of your dreams on that alternate route. And, while doughnuts are yummy, there is a whole world of sweet junk food out there to indulge in on your way to school. Ever tried a Yodel? It will change your life.

Try it. Change things up a little. See what you discover in the process.

#4 – Your relationship.

I can’t tell you how many clients of mine stay in a relationship WAY past it’s expiration date. Past the point where it is full of love and joy and healthy companionship. Instead they live in relationships that make their every day a sad place, a place that causes them to be depleted instead of fulfilled.

We stay in relationships for many reasons. Because of the kids, because of finances, because of the mistaken belief that we will never find someone else to love us. All of these reasons are valid and worth consideration. But just for a minute, consider this…

Imagine waking up in the morning next to someone who makes your heart beat faster. Imagine holding hands with that person walking to the subway, talking about your upcoming day. Imagine a lunchtime phone call from that person who just wants to hear your voice. Imagine the feel of your heart skipping as that person walks in the door at night. Imagine that person wrapping themselves around you as you drift off to sleep.

How do all of those imaginings make you feel? If they make you feel good, deep down to your core, pay attention to that. If that’s not how you feel about the relationship you are in right now it’s time for a change.

Because, really, wouldn’t being really and truly loved in 2017 be a wonderful thing?

#5 – Your friendships.

Yes, our friendships are incredibly important. A good friend can make all of the difference getting through good times and bad. I know that I have a friend for every mood and am incredibly thankful for each of them.

On the flip side there are those friendships that are not fulfilling. Those friendships that are one sided, or two faced or life sucking. It is these friendships that need to be considered.

I have a client who had a life-long friend. They grew up together and then settled in the same town to raise their kids. A few years back my client’s friend started having trouble in her marriage. My client was there for her friend, letting her rant about her husband’s behavior and accompanying her for dinners out so she wouldn’t have to go home. That’s what a good friend does, after all.

My client began to notice that her friend started criticizing my client’s marriage. She would point out issues with my client’s husband and their relationship. She would get angry when my client wouldn’t recognize or acknowledge those issues. My client started getting paranoid about her relationship, wondering if something was happening that she just wasn’t seeing. She was a mess.

After working with me she started to see that her friend was projecting her helpless unhappiness onto my client. My client had to choose to walk away from the friendship. It was painful but it had to happen. For my client’s happiness and the health of her marriage.

Interestingly, when my client pulled away from her old friend that friend, missing an outlet for her anger, was able to take a clearer look at her marriage. This clearer look allowed her an opportunity to actually do something about it. And she did.

So there you go, my 5 Things You Can Change to Be Happy.

2017 is upon us. Another new year and another opportunity to live the life of your dreams. And the best way to do that is to start approaching your life differently than you have been approaching it thus far.

Albert Einstein said that you shouldn’t try to “solve problems with the same consciousness that created them.” If you are unhappy in certain areas of your life it’s time to make some change. Change that will allow you to approach that issue in a new way. A way that might actually be effective.

Imagine living the life of your dreams. A life full of everything that you have ever wanted. You can make this happen by simply having the courage to make some changes.

You can do it! You are worth it!

Looking for more ways to bring about change? Contact me and I can help.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways to Thrive in the Face of Change – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming

Change. You either love it or you hate it.

Many people hate it. The prospect of a new job, moving to a new house, leaving a relationship or buying a new car can make those who resist change want to run for the hills.

I love change.

I have spent much of my life changing things up. I have lived in San Francisco, Maine, Tokyo, Athens, Boulder, Vermont, Sydney and NYC. Since I graduated from college I have lived in 17 different homes and have worked in the hotel business, the food industry, retail management, real estate sales and now I am a life coach. I have been divorced and lived through my kids going off to college.

I am the person I am today because of opportunities for change that were presented to me throughout my life, ones I chose to pursue. And I love the person who I am today.

They say that people who choose change are happier for it. The process can be messy but once you get through it life just might be what you have always wanted it to be.

I am here today to help you get through that change, so that you can live the life of your dreams.

Here it is, my latest. 5 Ways to Thrive in the Face of Change – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming.

#1 – Don’t forget to breathe.

When presented with the possibility of change many people freeze up. The prospect is so terrifying that their body actually reacts as it would if faced with the specter of death. And then they run, run for their lives, from that change.

This is when it’s important to remember to breathe. Without breath neither your brain nor your heart can function and making rational choices is impossible.

Think about when you drive by a tractor-trailer on the highway. It’s a scary prospect and you start thinking of all the things that can go wrong. And you hold your breath in anticipation of those things. Next time, try taking a deep breath right before you pass that truck. The breath will calm your body and clear your mind and you will pass it with ease.

It’s the same with change. Try it now. Inhale for 3 seconds, out for 5. Repeat as needed. Your heartbeat will slow and your mind will clear. Very helpful.

#2 – Remember change is GOOD.

Many people are so unaccustomed to change that the prospect seems unbearable. This new thing is going to come in and shake up their lives and they don’t think they can survive it.

But this just isn’t true. We can survive anything. And research shows that most people who make a big change are happier on the other side. Happier. Sounds pretty good, right?

Think about a time earlier in your life when you faced major change. Now think about how you went about it and what the end result was. Was your life ultimately a better place because of that change? Even if things were really messy along the way? Think carefully.

The process can be difficult, and we will address that, but picture yourself on the other side of that change. Life will be different, yes. But that is not necessarily a bad thing.

#3 – Gather information.

One of the most important pieces of thriving in the face of change is the gathering of information. It is impossible to make a smart move without the right information.

It’s time to make a list – a list of all of the positive things and all of the challenging things about your potential change.

If you are moving will it mean a bigger house? Better weather? A longer drive to school or work? An acre lawn to mow?

If it’s a new job will it be better hours or pay? Will the dress code be challenging? Will your boss be someone much younger than you?

Once you have your list of your perceived pluses and minuses address each minus individually.

A smaller house might seem a minus but really a smaller house means less house to clean which would give you more time to do something fun instead.

A younger boss might seem a minus but really a younger boss could teach you some new skills for the ever-evolving workplace. And the fact that you are older could mean built in respect because of the years of working experience you bring to the table.

For every one thing that seems like negative there is a corresponding positive. You just need to identify what those things are. Once you do you will feel ready to face real, substantial change.

#4 – No negative self talk.

We are our own worst enemies. In the face of change our brains tell us that we just can’t do it. That we aren’t smart enough or strong enough or that the change will destroy us.

Again, this just isn’t true.

I have a client who has been given an amazing job opportunity. It has been literally placed at her feet and is hers for the taking. And she is struggling to accept it.

She thinks two things:

  1. That people will judge her for changing jobs AGAIN after just two years in her current position.
  2. That she will fail.

I asked her what she would think if she heard of someone switching jobs after 2 years. She said she would think “Wow. That person is really moving up in the world. She is being recognized for her successes. Good for her.”

I asked her to list for me all the reasons that she would fail. Try as she might she couldn’t name one reason. Her brain had been telling her that she would but she couldn’t prove to me that what her brain was saying was true.

Again, our brains can make us our own worst enemies. Recognize that and talk back to that brain. Don’t let it and it’s pesky untruths hold you back.

#5 – Get excited about the possibilities.

Take a good look at that list that you made. Of all of the possibilities that your future holds.

Change is a scary thing but really it is also so exciting. You get a chance to do things differently, to re-invent yourself, to maybe experience things that you haven’t before.

The first steps will most likely be difficult, and scary, but once you get started the sky is the limit. It’s like starting out on a hiking trail and looking up. You wonder how the hell will you get up to the top. And then, when you do, after a fair amount of huffing and puffing, it’s just amazing. The sky is blue and you can see forever. And looking down you can see how far you have come and feel pretty damn proud of yourself.

So there you go. 5 Ways to Thrive in the Face of Change.

I am not saying that the prospect of change isn’t scary and overwhelming. It is scary and will be overwhelming. What I am saying is to embrace it, to look at it as a positive thing even if your first reaction is “not so much.”

In my last blog I wrote about getting divorced. A friend of mine said he was jealous. How lucky was I that I was getting a chance for a reboot at 46 years old. And that’s what I got. The reboot itself was rather painful but I was given a new beginning and my life is now amazing. Truly.

I wish this kind of happiness on everyone I know and love. Take a risk. It will be worth it!

Are you struggling with change in your life? Contact me. I can help!

Have you survived and thrived in the face of change? I would love to hear your story!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Actions to Take Now Labor Day Has Come and Gone – Even If It Feels Like Tomorrow Is Just Another Day

There are two days of the year that mark major times of transition – Labor Day and New Year’s Day.

Both days mark the end of a season and the beginning of a period when things begin to shift. Both days are full of the possibilities of great things to come.

It’s important not to let this time of transition slip by you without standing still and taking note. Times of transition are when important things happen. Who wants to miss out on that?

So pay attention. Life is short. Don’t let it pass you by. Here is my latest…

5 Actions to Take Now Labor Day Has Come and Gone.

 

#1 – Take a deep breath.

Summer is always a crazy time. School is out and routines are broken. The weather is great and you just want to be outside. There are BBQs with friends and family reunions. The kids are out of school and you are all running around from activity to activity.

And now it’s over. It is important that you pause, if only for a moment but hopefully more, and take a deep breath.

Think about your summer. What was joyous and what was not so much. Think about time spent with family and friends. Think about the conversations and the insights and the experiences that you had.

Remember, consider and relish the summer of 2016.

Why? Because what happened this summer could very well influence what comes next for you. In many ways, you are not the same person you were on July 4th.

#2 – Choose a room and clean it out.

Nothing helps clear the head during times of transition like cleaning out a room. Something about the energy of throwing away all that stuff works wonders for gaining some clarity and vision.

So choose a room, the laundry room, your closet, your garage. Allot a few hours on a Saturday and go at it.

Choose a corner of the room, garbage bag in hand and start throwing things away. Things that you aren’t using, that are broken, that are expired. Put them in that garbage bag. Things that you are still using and keeping get placed nicely back where they belong.

If you aren’t sure whether or not something needs to be thrown out, consider when the last time was that you touched that thing, or even thought about it. If it was over 3 months ago, it’s gone. Acknowledge and be thankful for the role that it played in your life and then say goodbye.

Work your way around the room, repeating this process. Don’t skip ahead. Do all four sides of the room.

When you are done notice where you are. You will feel lighter, more clearheaded about what you want. And later on, if you start to feel overwhelmed, visit that cleaned out room. You will be glad you did.

#3 – Take a good hard look at what you want for your life.

Every year at New Years we make resolutions. Resolutions about how things are going to be different this year. We will be happier. We will be nicer to our spouses. We will excel at work.

More often than not those resolutions fall by the wayside.

One big reason that resolutions fail is that we make those resolutions without looking at how they really fit into the life we have. Can we just decide to be happier? To be nicer to our spouse? To be more patient at work? Not so much.

To stick to a resolution you have to define how you can make change within the parameters of your life. To be happier you need to know what makes you unhappy. To be nicer to your spouse you need to examine why you aren’t nice to them now. And why ARE you so impatient with your co-workers?

Take some time and really identify where you are in your life. Are you living a life that makes you happy? That makes you proud? That is consistent with the life goals that you set for yourself back when you were younger?

Make resolutions for the fall. And examine how you can make them stick. Remember, now is your time.

#4 – Make a list of what next steps to take.

A big part of keeping your resolutions is making a list of what will help you stick to them. To live the life of your dreams.

Would being happier mean that you spend an hour a day painting? Or perhaps mentoring a child in need? Or dancing around the kitchen before dinner?

What would have to happen for you to be nicer to your spouse? Would identifying what makes you unkind be a good first step? Would taking a deep breath before speaking help? Perhaps recognizing that you need to take a bigger approach and seek counseling?

And what about your patience at work? Is it a pesky co-worker or boss? Is it boredom or frustration? Would working on your resume so you can transition to a new job make it better?

Make a list. Think about those resolutions and picture how you can make them happen in your life. And then write it down. And then read it. And then take action.

You can do it!

#5 – Do something really fun for yourself.

Yes, I have challenged you to do reach for some lofty goals. And I really hope you will take me up on the challenge.

But first, do something for yourself. Something that really makes your heart sing. It can be anything.

Re-read the whole Harry Potter series. Buy every kind of Ben and Jerry’s and try a new flavor every night. Go to Victoria’s Secret and buy yourself something that makes you feel great. Take your car out on a back road and drive fast, sun-roof open, music blaring.

The sky is the limit. And it’s yours for the taking.

So there you go…. my 5 Actions to Take Now Labor Day Has Come and Gone.

Summer was wonderful and is now over. Fall, and winter, approach.

Take the time to look at your life and make sure you are on the path to living your dreams. But also make sure you take care of yourself along the way.

Remember. You only have one life to live. Make sure that it’s the life you have always wanted. Full of joy, purpose and love.

Looking for more ideas about living the life of your dreams? Contact me now and lets get started.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Reasons Why Life Coaching Will Be The ONE THING That Changes Your Life – Even if you Think it’s not Very Likely

Everywhere you look you are bombarded with the message that if you do this ONE THING (take a pill, buy a dress, fix your hair, lease a car) your life will change. And we have all tried that ONE THING and no miraculous change has occurred.

Shocking! And disappointing.

Working with a life coach is different. The life coach approach to change is different from anything that you have ever tried before and it’s potential to create significant change in your life is not to be underestimated.

Ready to be all that you want to be? Truly?

Here are my 5 Reasons Why Life Coaching Will Be The ONE THING That Changes Your Life – Even if you Think it’s not Very Likely.

#1. A life coach will help you define what you want and who you want to be.

We know that we are dissatisfied with our lives but most of us don’t know what exactly that looks like. A life coach will help you take stock of your life and define where you are now and where you want to be.

Working with me, we will look at 5 key areas of your life: physical & mental health, life skills, relationship health, personal care, career satisfaction.

A good look at each of these areas will help us determine where you are now and where you want to be, information that is indispensable in the process of bringing about change.

#2 – A life coach will help you create a plan.

Once you have a clear idea of where you are and where you want to be it’s time to make a plan. You can try to do this on your own but oftentimes the prospect seems so overwhelming and off-putting that you just don’t know where to start. So you don’t.

A life coach can help you cut through the clutter and the chaos and help you create a plan to get you where you want to be, step by step.

#3 – A life coach will hold you accountable.

This is a key part of life coaching, one of those things that you really CAN’T find anywhere else. Seriously. Anywhere else.

We all have friends and loved ones who support us and promise to make sure that we do what we say we are going to do. But they love us and they don’t want to nag and they just want us to be happy. And all of that is wonderful but it doesn’t help you reach your dreams.

Every week your life coach will work with you to create action steps and every week the two of you will come up with a list of “homework,” things to be done to move you forward on your path.

The following week your coach will ask about your homework and, I promise that you are going to want to report in that you did it. And you will want to do it because you will see how remarkable is the change that is happening.

#4 – A life coach will power you through the obstacles.

Rocks get onto the road that we are traveling. Sometimes they are small ones that we can pick up and toss aside but sometimes they are boulders that will require a little more effort to maneuver around.

A life coach has the knowledge and experience to help you break through those rocks. A life coach can teach you tools that you need to get past any rock that might get in your way, big or small.

And those tools you can use now and carry in your toolbox forever.

#5 – A life coach will give you unconditional support and encouragement.

Think about a football coach. What does he do? He teaches his team how to play their best and cheers from the sidelines as they do so.

A life coach is the same way. A life coach is there to be your biggest cheerleader but at the same time teach you how to be your true self.

And a life coach will be there every step of the way, to help you when you falter and cheer you on when you succeed.

Isn’t that just the kind of unconditional support we all really want?

So there you go…5 Ways Working with a Life Coach Will Change Your Life.

So now you can see how life coaching really is that ONE THING that can help you bring about significant, wondrous change.

Working with a life coach will help you to finally live the life that you have always known you could live. And you don’t need to change your hair color or your ride to do so.

Of course, every time I mention a life coach above I mean ME, so get in touch with me NOW  and let’s getting started making your dreams come true!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!