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5 Things That You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy And Keeping Him Wanting More

I don’t know about you but I find men a complete mystery. I have a very good male friend who I often ask for a man’s perspective on something that I am thinking about doing. His answer is almost always completely different from anything that I might have come up with myself. It blows me away every time.

With that in mind I asked him to tell me what a woman can do to keep her man happy. I had a sense that it might be totally different from what women might think it could be.

And guess what? I was right!

Here is my latest: 5 Things That You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy – and Keep Him Wanting More

#1 – Let him make you laugh.

If there is one thing that men love it’s external validation that they are all that. So much of how men connect with the world is about what is external vs. internal – how they look, how they are perceived, how successful the world thinks they are vs. how they are thinking and feeling. And this is okay. It’s different from women and it’s okay.

Let your man know that he makes you laugh. And laugh often. You are giving him the ultimate validation that he is being appreciated by you, the woman he loves. And the smile that you give him with that laugh? It will make him weak in the knees. And putty in your hands.

Putty is good….

#2 – Be thankful when he gives.

Men are at their best when they are giving. It’s in their nature. When they give they take care of those they love and this is a primal need for them.

It’s hard for modern men to give because it’s hard for modern women to receive. And often times, when a man does give to a woman she freezes. Either she ignores the giving or complains that it’s not enough or acts in a way that implies that she doesn’t deserve it.

I have a client whose husband used to buy her jewelry because he knew that she loved it. And she did. Unfortunately, everything he bought her wasn’t to her taste. She would thank him sweetly but then return it for something that she wanted. And every time she did this she hurt him. So much so that eventually he stopped buying her jewelry. And that didn’t make anyone happy.

So be open to your man giving to you, big or small. And thank him for it.  You will be glad you did and he will be happy.

#3 – Don’t be too helpful.

Women are, by nature, caregivers. We long to take care of anyone and everyone, often to the point that we stop doing anything for ourselves and we get resentful and bitter about it. Especially with our spouses.

But men don’t want that! They don’t want us to be TOO helpful.

Don’t get me wrong. Men love having their socks picked up and their laundry done for them. They like not having to buy Christmas presents for the extended family or wipe down the sink. But they do want to feel like they can take of themselves. That they are a contributing member of a couple. Maybe even sometimes the guy in charge.

So let him do his thing. Take care of himself. And maybe even take care of you for a change.

Oh, and one more thing – did you know that when you baby your husband too much he starts to look at you as he does his mother. Do you want him to start equating you with his mother? I didn’t think so.

Need help with your man? Let me help…

#4 – Be a girl.

I know I know. How can I say that in this modern world? Men and women are equal. Women can do everything that men can do and do some of it even better. We are not soft. We are steel. We aren’t going to act like girls.

I get it. But one thing that we can’t ignore is human nature. It is in our biology that men are masculine and women feminine. We each have standard accompanying traits. Men are strong and protective. Women are soft and nurturing. And, no matter what the world says, men and women react to each others’ strength and softness.

So let yourself be a little girlish. Let yourself be soft around your man. Wear dresses. Speak softly. Laugh at his jokes. Make him feel like you need him. Make him feel like a man.

#5 – Let him know when he finds your ON button.

What do I mean by that? Here is an example:

My ex-husband and I had a “no power cord” rule for all gift-giving occasions. He could not buy me anything that included a power cord. One year, for Mother’s Day, he took a risk and bought me a garage door opener. I LOVED it. I loved it so much that that night he got lucky.

He was delighted and amazed when he realized that he had the ability to make me so happy that he could flip my switch. From then on he worked diligently to find things that he could do that would activate my ON button.

And really, that was a win-win situation for both of us.

So there you go… my 5 Things That You Can Do To Keep Your Man Happy .

In this crazy world it seems like keeping our man happy shouldn’t be a priority. I mean, they aren’t children – why can’t they take care of themselves? But the reality is is that everybody needs to be taken care of. Sincere efforts need to be made to allow your partner to feel loved and cherished, and to love and cherish you in return.

So follow these steps, even if they seem a little at odds with what you believe about the modern man and woman. It will be worth it.

Maybe next week I will write about how to keep your woman happy. That might be a little more complicated…


Need more ideas for keeping your man happy?

Contact me here and I can help!


 

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Things to Choose if You Want to be Happy – Even if It Seems Completely Out of Reach

You know that person. The one who is always happy. Nothing seems to get them down. They are successful, have good friends, exude confidence and are just fun to be with.

Is this you?

Everybody wants to be happy. It seems pretty simple doesn’t it? But the reality is different. Happiness is a choice. A few choices actually. And it’s totally within reach for everyone. Here is my latest:

5 Things to Choose if You Want to be Happy.

 

#1 – Choose truth.

You know those decisions that make your stomach hurt. The ones that you make because your brain tells you it’s the “right” thing to do, not because it’s what you really want.

Yes. Those decisions. You probably made one today.

Those decisions are not based on your truth. They are based on some truth outside of yourself, some truth that is based on what everyone else says is “right.” These decisions are not good for you.

Making decisions based on what you really want, what will truly be good for you, are decisions based on your truth. These kind of decisions feel good in your body. These decisions allow you to sleep at night. Decisions not based on our truth can actually make us sick and definitely interfere with our happiness.

How do we stop making these unhealthy choices? We listen to our bodies.

Next time, when presented with a decision that needs to be made, pause and check how each potential decision makes your body feel. Our bodies will only tell us the truth. If the decision makes you feel slightly nauseous then it’s probably not a good one. If it makes your head hurt, the same. If it makes your heart leap, then that’s it. That’s the healthy decision.

Listen to your body. Unlike your brain, it will never lie to you!

# 2 – Choose love.

Everyone wants to love and be loved. And ideally everyone would share their life with that ONE person. The one you curl up with at night and eat cereal with in the morning. The one whose hand you hold on the subway and with whom you binge watch “Sons of Anarchy” at night. You know the person. The one who makes your heart sing.

If you have a person, don’t let them go. And if you don’t, believe that you will. Especially if you are happy.

If you don’t have that person right now you know that you have other people in your life who love you: your sister, your best friend, your neighbor. Make sure that you have contact with someone who loves you every day. In person, on the phone or via text (last choice).

And don’t forget to love yourself. You are awesome. Tell yourself as often as you can. Because you are.

#3 – Choose yourself.

You know how you choose to make everyone else happy first? You go to that raunchy movie with your kids instead of that historical drama you want to see. Or you visit your mother in law with your husband instead of working in the garden? We all do it. And it undermines our happiness.

Sometimes we do have to put someone else’s needs above our own but, really, it’s important to put ourselves first more often than not. Nobody else is going to take care of us and it’s important that we do so. If you always put yourself last you will truly come to believe that you are last. Being last will definitely not make you happy.

Think back to that fight you had with your husband while driving home from his mother’s house. Enough said.

#4 – Choose kindness.

Did you know being kind to someone else is one of the best ways to feel happy?

Think about the look on that woman’s face when you raced after her to return the wallet that she left in the store. Or the way the barista reacted this morning when, after dealing with customer after customer who had not yet had their coffee, you thanked them with a big smile and a compliment.

Being kind is not hard to do but so many of us forget to be in this crazy, jam packed and exhausting world that we live in. Making that small effort to make someone else happy can go a long way to making you feel happy too.

#5 – Choose to believe.

A key ingredient in being happy is believing that you can be. Really.

It’s not an easy thing. When you are unhappy it’s almost impossible to believe that you ever could be happy. When you are unhappy and you look ahead you are doing so with that unhappy feeling in your gut. Your future life seems hopeless because you are unhappy right now. But you gotta believe.

Believing in anything is the best way to manifest it. Believe that you will get that job and you will. Believe that you will find that love and you will. Believe that you will be happy and you will.

How to believe? Visualize that job. Feel how it will feel to have it. Store that feeling in your body and summon it when you have doubt. The same with love. Picture that perfect someone. Feel how it will feel to be loved by them. Picture yourself happy and do the same.

It really works. Try it and see.

So there you go : 5 Things to Choose if You Want to be Happy.

Happiness is a state of mind. A state of being. If you make choices that cause physical pain, that keep you from sleeping, that make you feel hopeless, you will never find it.

Try it. Try putting yourself first, loving yourself and those around you, being kind, being truthful. Believing. What a difference it will make.

I promise.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Little Ways for Women to Feel Healthier, Even if Life Always Seems to Get in the Way

Every day moms take care of everyone else. That is just what we do. We make sure the kids are loved, fed, bathed and supported. Likewise our partners. We do our best to carry our share, or more, at work and always try to be a shoulder to cry on for our friends.

What we aren’t good at is taking care of ourselves. We set goals to go to the gym, or sleep more or eat better but in the end life gets in the way and we just let it go.

We don’t have to do this!

Here are 5 Little Ways for Women to Feel Healthier…

#1 – Every day do one thing that makes you happy. It doesn’t need to be a big thing but do something. Make a playlist for your car and listen to music that makes you sing out loud. Serve breakfast for dinner (because no one ever complains when dinner involves pancakes). Bring your book in the car and read a chapter while waiting to pick up the kids at school. Whatever small thing it is that makes your heart sing.

For me, when my kids were little, every Sunday was pizza night and then my People magazine and I would retire to the bathtub for an hour. I went to bed Sunday night happy and Monday mornings were much easier.

#2 – Replace the Oreos. I am willing to bet that before you had kids Oreos were not a staple of your diet. Am I wrong? But now they are because they are in the cupboard. You get tired, or stressed or bored, and there, right in front of you, is a little disk of self-indulgence. So you eat one, or 20, and you feel better for 30 seconds and then you feel not so good.

Keep something that you really love in the cupboard that will fill that need, when you get tired or stressed or bored, and go for that instead. Chocolate covered almonds or honey roasted peanuts or individually wrapped chocolates (so you can’t take a handful). And, if you have something that combines sugar and protein (like sweetened nuts) you won’t be affected by the sugar so quickly and you won’t get that Oreo cookie crash.

#3 – Play with your kids. We all have grand plans when our kids are born, to get down on the floor with them and play. And we do, at least until their sibling is born, and then we as often as not let them have at it.

Playing with your kids is proven to make you happier and happiness leads to healthiness. First of all, play makes you smile and the physical act of smiling actually makes you happy.  Also, by sheer definition, play is fun, more fun than work. So put on a tiara and frolic with your kids, at least for a bit. Try it!

One of my clients plays a game of cards with her kids and her husband every night after dinner. It only takes 20 minutes and they laugh and kid and enjoy each others company. And then off they go to homework etc. She reports that the 20 minutes makes the transitions easier and sets up a much smoother bedtime routine, every mother’s dream.

#4 – Get just a little more sleep. I know you are saying, “Yeah. Right.” But I am serious. Try to fit just a little more sleep into your day. Actually I am suggesting you build it into your schedule. Right there between going to the dry cleaners and finishing your project for the meeting. Make a plan to take a 15-minute nap right after lunch, before you head out to do errands. Or sleep 15 minutes later 3 times a week. Wherever you can fit in just a little more sleep.

If you sleep in 15 minutes 3 days a week that’s 45 minutes more sleep. Add two naps in there and you have more than an hour. Every bit of sleep makes a difference.

#5 – Do one thing that will get your heart rate up. Can’t make time for the gym? No problem. Even a little cardio is better than none. Why? Because getting your heart rate up produces more endorphins and endorphins actually produce a euphoric feeling.

Ideas? Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Dance around the kitchen while cooking a meal. Walk the dog. Ride a bike. Kick a soccer ball. Jump on the trampoline. Getting your heart rate up regularly is a very healthy thing to do.

I have a client whose family got a dog. My client was worried because she knew it would make more work for her, which it did. Of course it needed to be walked but taking it for walks actually changed her life. Not only did getting out of the house and getting her heartbeat up make her feel good, she also made more friends when she was out with the dog, and we know what more friends can do for your health!

So there you go: 5 Little Ways for Moms to Feel Happier. Give them a try for week. See what a difference it makes. Let me know when it does!

Have I missed anything? Do you have something you do that makes you feel healthier in your daily life?

Are you having trouble implementing healthy habits into your life? Do you feel guilty when you try to set aside time to make yourself feel healthier? Let’s talk.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways Being Happy Will Change Your Life, Even if You Don’t Believe it Can

So you are living a life in which you are not happy. I mean, you are FINE but really, you think, what is the big deal? Is anyone REALLY happy? Your life is busy and chaotic but you are fine, your job is fine, your family is fine.

I would argue that you are not so fine. Your happiness is not only affecting yourself but affecting those around you.

5 Ways Your Happiness Will Change Your Life & Help Others

 

#1 – Your behaviors will change

People who aren’t happy act not happy whether they know it or not. They are impatient, crabby, distant, distracted, quick to anger, easily frustrated. The list goes on and on. People who are happy, on the other hand, are rarely those things. They are far more patient, present and calm. They don’t live in a state of constant agitation, as an unhappy person does, so they aren’t quick to react negatively to a given situation.

#2 – Your attention span will improve

You might not know this but people who are unhappy have shorter attention spans. When you are unhappy it is very difficult to focus on things, big or small. The mind is constantly agitating and that makes it impossible to focus well on any one thing. People who are happy actually have better brain function than people who are unhappy which leads to better comprehension and retention.

#3 – You will smile

Smiling is an amazing gift to the human race. The physical act of smiling actually improves the smiler’s mood instantaneously. And if you smile at someone that person’s mood improves as well. So if you are happy you will smile more and you will smile at more people and they will be happier and you will be making the world a better place.

#4 – Your health will improve

People who are unhappy are unhealthy, again whether they know it or not. Unhappiness takes a dangerous toll on one’s heart, one’s blood pressure and one’s internal organs. People who aren’t happy don’t sleep well and lack of sleep can actually lead to insanity. One of my clients always had terrible tummy pains. When she resolved her problems with her husband her tummy pains vanished.

#5 – You will be more successful at work and at home

People who are unhappy are generally unable to give their all to anything, not their work nor their family. They are just too drained by their unhappiness to really thrive. People who are happy bring that into their lives everywhere. One of my clients found happiness and her relationship with her co-workers improved to the extent that she was chosen as employee of the month for the first time ever.

So there you are, 5 ways your happiness will change your life. If you think that you are the only person being affected by your unhappiness- you are wrong. If you do your work to reaching your dreams you will be happier and so will those around you.

For help becoming more happy and fulfilled with your life, please contact me through my website for a free first-time session.

How do you think your mood affects others? Can you see how bringing happiness into your life could change it?

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!