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How To Achieve Career Success and Love Your Life

Do you sometimes ask yourself how to achieve career success AND love your life?

Your career is very important to you. You are working hard to climb the ladder at work and you are relishing your success. You like the recognition and love the money and feel like you have it all. Or do you?

Being successful, and the things that come with it, are important to you but you don’t want those things at the expense of your happiness.

We only have one life to live and it’s important to live it well, after all.

So, how to achieve career success and love your life? Here are 5 important things to consider in order to do so.

#1 – Choose a career that you love.

Success is important yes but it’s only one part of your career. It’s important to choose a career that you love.

We spend a significant portion of our life at work and in order to love our life we need to love our work. If you are successful at a job you hate then you will spend the majority of time doing something that makes you unhappy.

So choose carefully. Take some time to inventory what is important to you at work. Is it the industry you work in? The quality of the workplace? The amount of independence you are given? If the things that are important to you aren’t part of your every day work life then change it up.

Sharpen your resume and get ready for change!

#2 – Schedule time every day to love yourself.

I know. This is easier said than done. You get up at the crack of dawn to get everyone out the door. You hit the ground running at work and don’t stop until it’s time to get everyone gathered and fed and put to bed. And then you do the same thing the next day.

It’s really, really important that you take a break somewhere in your day and do something for yourself. It doesn’t have to be everyday but it has to be regularly.

Taking care of yourself will not only make you a better employee, and therefore more successful, but it will allow you to take care of yourself, a key piece to living a life you love.

What could you do for yourself? You could take a walk. Or a yoga class. You could schedule time with friend for lunch. You could sit in the shade somewhere and watch videos about cute cats. Whatever it is that makes you feel good and like yourself again.

How do you fit that into your day? Put it on your schedule! In red. It’s the thing that is non-negotiable. That can’t be changed for a meeting. If it’s on your calendar you are more likely to get it done!

#3 – Continue learning, for your career and your life.

For many of us we achieve career success and then we just rest on our laurels and then let life happen around us. We finish college and wipe our hands of anymore classroom time. Thank goodness it’s done!

It’s important that we keep learning, both personally and professionally. This could mean taking courses or attending seminars that could advance your career. It could mean taking a pottery class. It could mean reading a book about a new subject. It could mean taking up crossword puzzles.

The goal with learning something new is to keep your brain active and young. This will promote growth in your career and happiness in your life!

#4 – Keep in touch with friends and family.

It is so easy in our crazy, career filled days to fall out of touch with our friends and family. We tend to take our friends and families for granted, assuming that they will always be there. And usually they are, at least for a while.

Connection with friends and family is very important and neglecting them can make life a much less enjoyable place. In your absence, life goes on and you miss out on it. Birthday parties, cookouts, shopping trips and school events all happen with or without you.

Ask yourself what would life be like without your family and friends? Would all of the career success be worth it?

Part of loving your life is loving your peeps. So take the time to spend time with everyone, either individually or as a group. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Don’t put your career over your love life.

Love is one of the fundamental pieces of living a life that you love. And it is often the first thing that is neglected in the pursuit of career success.

We know our person is there, and we assume that they will always be there, so we stop tending the relationship. And the consequences can, again, be disastrous.

Also, the most successful people in this world have a loved one would supports them. Think Bill and Melinda Gates. Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan. Both members of these uber-successful couples say they couldn’t have done it without the love and support of their partner.

So make a huge effort to spend time with the one you love, to make time where there is none.

Before it’s too late. Because without love in one’s life it’s hard to love one’s life.

When I was little I was taught that I could have it ALL. Work and love and a family. For many women that is the goal. To achieve career success and love your life.

And it IS POSSIBLE. It requires a lot attention and effort but you can do it!

Choose a career you love, take care of yourself and those around you and never stop learning. These are all key pieces of having it all.

Go for it! You can do it!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

6 SHOCKING Things Men Want From Their Women, As Told When I Asked

Recently I asked a number of male friends what it is that they most want from their women, other than tons of sex. Without exception, they precluded their responses with If the answer can’t be about sex then I want….

Their answers surprised me so I am sharing them with you.

Here is my latest: 6 SHOCKING Things Men Want From Their Women, As Told When I Asked.

#1 – No sex is okay.

Interestingly, while lots of sex was theme for all of the guys, the option of NO sex was important as well.

Men love to have sex but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can’t or don’t want to have sex and that it will be okay.

While to us women that might seem like not a big deal, to many men it is because so much of their identity is tied up in their sexuality.

So accept that sometimes your man can just say NO. Perhaps he will rub your feet instead…

#2 – Cease the Mission Creep.

Mission Creep? This is a term that I had never heard of before but all of my guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them.

The definition of Mission Creep: a gradual shift in objectives during the course of a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.

As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.

Rules. Rules that didn’t exist at the start of the relationship but crept in slowly.

The solution, as suggested by a man: 1. Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going. 2. Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).

Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change!

#3 – Remind him that he is special.

Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting. At the end of the day who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?

But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?

So do the same for your partner. One guy’s idea: Plan a weekend away. Arrange and pay for the room. Schedule something that I would want to do with you. Make it special for him.

Another guy said: Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy.

You get the idea. Run with it!

Want to talk more about men and relationships? Let’s do it!

#4 – Let him be friends with girls.

This one is straightforward. Your guy had girl friends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his FRIENDS.

Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?

So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful. Let him have girl friends who he can be himself with, where he has nothing to prove.

#5 – Think before you react.

One of my guys, one who I thought was not the kind of guy to do what he suggested, said the following:

Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions which get internalized.

This makes sense. And it’s incredibly difficult. To try to pause before you react, to understand where his statement is coming from so you can respond in a way that is productive and respectful.

Good advice. I was obviously wrong about this guy.

He finished the text with: then agree to get laid like the world is ending.

#6 – Walk around naked, dammit.

This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it.

It’s that simple. Walk around naked. And if it feels better to walk around in your underpants or underwear, then okay, a little mystery is good too.

Need the garden edged?  Prune the apple trees? Just call me when you’re wearing little-to-nothing.

We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you sexy. 

Okay…so that’s pretty simple.  Get naked.  Just as simple as taking off a few clothes when you do chores or hang out on the porch in your bikini. Yeah, that polka dot one….we LOVE it.    

And it’s really not about sex.  We just love you naked. You know that old joke: How to please a woman?  A very long list follows.  Flowers, dinner reservations, pay attention, listen, etc….How to please a man: show up naked, bring beer.

Enough said.

So there you go. 6 SHOCKING Things Men Want From Their Women, As Told When I Asked.

We all, men and women both, love being in a relationship. And we women usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.

But, so things don’t get lopsided, it’s important that we women do the same for our men.

So pay attention. Listen to what your guys wants and do it!  See what happens.

I am guessing you will be happy you did….

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You are Unhappy

Being unhappy is horrible. It can take over your life and suck all that is good and joyful out of it. None of us want to be unhappy but many of us are.

One thing many of us don’t ask ourselves is why we are unhappy. We have a vague understanding that our lives are not what we hoped they would be but we don’t know specifically why.

In an effort to help you identify what specifically is making you unhappy I have five questions for you. Answer them in terms of your own life and you will get the answers you are looking for.

Here is my latest: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself If You are Unhappy.

#1 – Are you proud of the choices you are making?

All of us having internal guiding principles that are important to us, things like the importance of trust or honesty or loyalty. These guiding principles light our path to living our best life but unfortunately they can get lost as life happens.

Do you know what your guiding principles are and are your living them?

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man. He made her deliriously happy, or so she told herself. But still she didn’t feel good about her life and she didn’t know why.

I asked her what her guiding principles were – what was most important to her in a relationship?

After some thought and discussion she realized that the truth was of paramount importance to her. And that nothing about her relationship with the married man was based on truth.

“Are you able to live with that?” I asked. “And be happy?”

The answer was no and she soon moved on. On into a relationship that was based on truth and trust and she is happy.

#2 – Is your relationship making your heart sing?

Our romantic relationships are very important, more important than many of us recognize.

In this modern world we are told that we should be able to take care of ourselves and that to rely on another to bring us some happiness is a sign of weakness.

But this just simply is not true.

Happy committed relationships provide much that is essential to human survival: commitment, communication, touch, sharing, sex, support, laughter, joy, sex. When we have those things our lives are fuller, we are satisfied, we are loved. Other things can bring us down but the foundation of a good relationship helps us when we founder.

Being in a relationship isn’t necessary for happiness but being in a relationship that is toxic puts you on the surest path to being unhappy.

I have a client whose husband was always one of two things: absent or drunk. She wasn’t sure which was worse – his not being in the house or being drunk when he was. What she did know was that it was making her miserable. She was always hoping that things would change but they never did. She was alone in her marriage.

And the rest of her life? It foundered. Her parenting suffered, she stopped eating well and exercising and gained 20 pounds, her work was neglected and her crabbiness made her friends stay away.

What did she do? After much deliberation and overcoming lots of fear, she asked him to stay absent and she is fighting her way back to herself, on the path to living the life of her dreams.

#3 – Do you make a difference in the world?

I know you are going to say that you just don’t have time to volunteer. How could I possibly ask you to do that?

I am not going to ask you to do that. Although if it appeals you should try it. Volunteering makes the world go round.

What I mean by making a difference is asking you how you interact with others in the world. Did you smile at the checkout person at the grocery store? Do you hold doors for other people? Do you refrain from giving the man who cut you off in his BMW the finger? Do you pick up trash that you see in the street?

All of these things contribute to the world in a small way and doing them will make your life a better place as well. The act of smiling at someone will actually make you and the person you smiled at happier. Holding doors for people makes them feel noticed and you made it happen. Not giving someone the finger will allow you not to feel the pain of remorse in the middle of the night. And picking up that trash will literally make the world a more beautiful place.

So make a difference in the world every day. It will make you happier. I promise.

Want some help being happy? Let me help!

#4 – Do you feel healthy and strong?

You know when you go out on a long dock and it’s old and creaky and with each step you wonder if you are going to end up in the water? If you aren’t healthy and strong, like a good dock, you could find yourself drowning before you know it.

Taking care of yourself is the key to a foundation from which happiness can grow. Eat well, but don’t deprive yourself. Exercise, but only so it makes you feel good. Do one thing that makes you happy every day, like a massage or lunch with a friend. Find a life coach, to get the support that you need.

If you feel healthy and strong you will be able to take on whatever life throws at you.

Wouldn’t that feel great?

#5 – Do you challenge yourself?

I know that I have my routines. I get up, walk my dog, do some yoga, work all day, walk my dog again, do errands, have dinner, take a bath and go to bed. Pretty much every day.

As a life coach I know that while routines are good for keeping us on track it is essential to challenge ourselves. Challenging yourself will keep your brain going strong, keep you physically confident and get that adrenaline rushing.

What do I mean by being challenged? It can be anything.

When I got divorced I promised myself that I would start doing all of the things that scared me. I learned how to ride a jet ski (which was awesome), I conquered my fear of driving in the snow (which was convenient), I took up crossword puzzles (which has made me way smarter) and I can now use power tools. Except for a drill.

It’s so hard to imagine now not being able to do those things. Doing them has given me so much more confidence in myself – not only that I can do them but that I challenged myself to overcome my fears and prevailed.

And did I mention that I was way smarter? That makes me happy.

So there you go. 5 Questions to Ask Yourself if You Are Unhappy.

Unhappiness to so many of us is the status quo. We assume that this is the way life is and we must push through it. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Happiness IS possible.

Are you making choices that are feeling good? Are you feeling loved and supported in your relationship? Did you make someone smile today? Is your foundation strong? Did you do something recently that got your adrenaline pumping?

If not, choose one and make it happen.

Happiness is yours for the taking. Today.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

10 Things to Know if You Love Someone with ADD

A few months back I had to break up with someone who I loved very much because he was making me unhappy. I have spent a lot of time since then very angry and hurt because I felt like he didn’t even try.

And then this week I was doing some research on ADD for a client and it hit me – my man could very well have ADD! The behaviors that resulted from the condition made staying with him very difficult for me. And I am sure those same behaviors make living life very difficult for him. Maybe it wasn’t that he didn’t try but that he couldn’t try.

I have learned that many people are unaware of the devastating impact ADD can have on relationships. I want to share with you what I have learned.

Here is my latest – 10 Things to Know if You Love Someone with ADD.

#1 – They can’t JUST DO IT.

For those of us who don’t have ADD we can usually get something done when we buckle down, determined to do it. People with ADD just can’t do that. They can, and do, try but often a bright shiny object distracts them and the task at hand evaporates.

#2 – They might have an itch to scratch.

People with ADD can be constantly living on the edge, looking for that next thing that will make them feel something. This could mean doing drugs or having lots of sex or jumping out of airplanes. Whatever it takes for them to feel like they are alive and in control.

#3 – Their self-esteem could be at rock bottom.

Because of a lifetime spent struggling to do the most basic tasks, and the derision that often comes from other people when they feel let down, people with ADD struggle from a chronic lack of self-esteem. This lack of self-esteem can cause intense depression and actually lead to increased cognitive deficiencies.

Also, their lack of self-esteem will make it difficult for them to accept your love and support because they just won’t believe they deserve it.

Need help dealing with ADD? Let me help!

#4 – They might not be able to listen…

…or remember or keep promises and could always interrupt you.

The minds of people with ADD go a mile a minute. Much faster than many of us who don’t struggle with ADD. Because of this, they are easily distracted by the next thing, as opposed to what is in the now. As a result, they might not remember what is said to them. They want to but they can’t.

People with ADD also can forget to read texts, might not check their emails and could immediately forget when you ask them to pick up a loaf of bread on their way home.

People with ADD don’t mean to do this but they do.

#5 – The division of labor might be wildly uneven.

People with ADD struggle to complete even the most basic tasks. As a result the non-ADD person will be left doing a significant portion of things that need to be done. This can lead to frustration and resentment on the part of the non-ADD person and feelings of shame from the person struggling.

Furthermore, what can often develop is a parent/child dynamic in the relationship where the non ADD person becomes like a parent to the ADDer. This is not a good dynamic for two people in a romantic relationship, for many reasons.

#6– They might not be able to make you a priority.

For people with ADD there are two kinds of time. NOW and NOT NOW. Because of this they live completely in the moment. The concept of moments down the road mean nothing to them.

As a result it’s very hard for them to prioritize ANYTHING, much less their partner.

#7 – They could struggle to be successful at work.

Because they have a hard time completing tasks and staying focused, people with ADD could always struggle at work. To be successful at work people with ADD need two things: a boss who understands them and an excellent support staff. Without these things, success will be very hard to attain. Not impossible but very difficult. This will lead to additional self-esteem issues.

#8 – Finances might be a challenge.

People with ADD are often financially challenged for a number of reasons.

The first is that having the focus to keep track of their expenditures will take a tremendous amount of discipline that they might not have.

Secondly, some people with ADD love to spend money. People with ADD are often in search of the next high, the next thing that will scratch their itch. And spending money is an excellent way to achieve that goal.

#9 – Intimacy can be an issue.

People with ADD, particularly men, can struggle with intimacy.

The reasons are varied.

Part of it is that they often just can’t stay focused while making love. They far more enjoy doing something structured and rewarding like working or being on their phones or playing golf.

Another is that the person with ADD has that itch they want to scratch and multiple sex partners is a way to do it. Once they have caught you they could move onto the next person.

Furthermore, people with ADD are time challenged. They don’t know how to fit sex, or other tasks, into their crazy busy, out of control schedules.

And, finally, the aforementioned parent/child dynamic. This, obviously, does not lend itself to a healthy sex life.

#10 – They might struggle with addiction.

People with ADD might struggle with addiction for a number of reasons.

The biggest one is that they spend every day of their lives struggling to keep their heads above water. This is exhausting and overwhelming. And using drugs or alcohol to escape from those feelings is very effective.

Furthermore, stimulants like cocaine, and sugar, are widely abused by people with ADD because they become way more focused when using them. Stimulants bring them to the place they always wanted to be – focused, full of bravado, successful at whatever they try and attractive to the opposite sex. Pretty compelling stuff.

Interestingly, people with ADD can also get addicted to things that are good for them – like exercise. They can over-do something that makes them feel more focused and helps build their self esteem.

So there you go. My 10 Things to Know if You Love Someone with ADD.

Loving someone with ADD can be very challenging. To do so successfully requires a tremendous amount of patience and understanding and the development of life skills by both parties. It’s hard work. It can be done but it’s not for the faint of heart.

And it’s okay if you don’t feel like you can do that hard work or that you might not be able to accept that your mate will never be able to do some of the things that are important to you, like being intimate or hearing you.

The most important thing for someone with ADD is to be in a relationship with someone who loves them and supports them in spite of their challenges. If you can be that person, great. If that’s not you, it’s okay to walk away and let them find someone who can.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask – Even If He Wants To

I have a client who is in a new relationship. She loves her man but has some very real hesitations. The most notable one is that she feels like he doesn’t make her a priority. She feels taken for granted and certainly not cherished. She has told him that she feels this way, hoping for change. And, in spite of his assertions that he loves her, it just doesn’t happen.

Why, you wonder, can’t her boyfriend, who loves her, change his behavior? Because of a very frustrating, but very real, thing known as resistance.

Resistance is a trait found in all of us…a trait that makes us hesitant to do anything that might bring about change. Even if it’s for the better.

Resistance makes us want to put the brakes on and never release them.

Resistance is something we often aren’t even aware of but it affects almost every decision we make.

Resistance can end great things before they even start.

Here is my latest..3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask – Even If He Wants To.

#1 – Fear of Change

Resistance is based on the fear of change. And people are really, really afraid of change.

When faced with the idea of change most people’s reactions are “Things are just fine this way. Why would I want to do anything differently?”

Resistance to change in love can have a devastating effect. There are two people in a relationship and two peoples whose needs need to be met. When one person asks for something different the other person needs to consider if they are willing to adapt to keep the relationship moving forward.

And that is the key. Adaptation. If one person needs something different then a conversation needs to be had.

My client expressed her needs very clearly. She knew that he heard what she said and he even said that he would try to put her first. But he didn’t. Or couldn’t. And it hurt her.

The best way to overcome fear of change is communication. Talk to each other. Compromise. Make each other a priority.

#2 – Fear of Ability

The second piece of resistance is one’s fear of the ability to do what someone asks. Does the person being asked fear that they will not be able to do what is being asked of them?

That can be paralyzing.

Perhaps my client’s beau didn’t know if he was capable of making her a priority. Perhaps he knew that his bike and the kids would always come first. But he knew if he expressed that he might lose her. So instead of explaining that fear he kept quiet.

The result? She was devastated by his continued actions and I am sure he didn’t feel very good about it either.

The best way to overcome fear of ability is communication. If he had been able to express his anxiety perhaps they could have worked together to find a solution.

#3 – Fear of Outcome

The last piece of resistance is the fear of outcome.

So many of the reasons that people don’t take action is that they are scared of how it will all turn out. They know, to a certain extent, how things will turn out if they stay on the current path but have no idea what will happen if they change course.

For my client’s boyfriend he knew that the way he had acted so far had resulted in his winning this amazing girl and still being able to excel on his bike and support his kids in a loving and productive way.

What would happen if he started putting her first? Would his bike and his kids suffer? He didn’t want them to suffer but he also didn’t want to lose her. Maybe they wouldn’t suffer but was it worth the risk?

He was afraid. So he chose his bike and his children, hoping that she would understand. He didn’t talk to her about his decision and as a result he hurt her more.

The best way to overcome the fear of outcome is communication. She needed to know how he was feeling. They could have talked it through. She might have understood.

So there you go – my 3 Reasons He Won’t Do What You Ask.

It is important to know that while resistance can play a destructive role in relationships it is not, most likely, a reflection of the emotions that the resistor feels for his loved one.

He most likely loves her madly but is unwilling, or unable, to face and overcome his resistance. So it is up to her. Is she willing to live not being a priority? How important is it to her? Can she be in this relationship knowing he loves her and have that be enough?

For my client that wasn’t enough. She expressed her needs and he continued to resist and she walked away. She knew she wanted to be cherished and set out finding someone who could do so.

Do you have a man paralyzed by resistance? Contact me and I can help!

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day – Even if You Are Single

Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren’t in a relationship this year and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C’mon people. Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it’s forms. So let’s do it!

Here is my latest: 5 Reasons to Love Valentine’s Day – Even if You Are Single.

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine’s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine’s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think “I am not going to do one more holiday with this person.”). And the reason for Valentine’s break ups is because people feel let down once again.

This year you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine’s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine’s Day will be everything that you want it to be.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let’s get right down to it. Valentine’s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn’t love chocolate. So eat some. As much as you want.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, it improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So eat chocolate! On this day as much as you want. It’s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It’s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it’s very important that we do and Valentine’s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine’s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they love about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 51 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It’s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It’s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it’s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it’s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie “Love Actually,” spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words gives me shivers every time.

So look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

So there you go. My 5 Reasons to Love Valentines Day.

Valentine’s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

So don’t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don’t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?


Need help loving love?

Contact me here and I can help!


 

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid – Even if You Have A Lot Going On

Relationships and love. Everyone says, and, I think, truly believes, that without love the world just doesn’t go round. Love is a powerful thing that makes everything a little shinier. We all want it.

And yet, ironically, it is relationships that are usually the first thing to be set aside as we live these chaotic, jam packed and exhausting lives. Work, kids, exercise, all come first, leaving love sitting on the sidelines, lonely and neglected.

Doing the work that I have done for years with clients, and living my life, has given me a tremendous amount of insight into the damage we do, more often than not unwittingly. I want to share that insight with you today.

Here is my latest, 5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid – Even if You Have A Lot Going On.

#1 – Keep your promises.

Promises. They are usually made with such good intentions but when they are broken there can be disastrous consequences.

Promises have to do with trust. If you make a promise and don’t keep it then trust is lost. It’s better to not make a promise that you can’t keep then continue to break ones that you do.

I have a client whose boyfriend kept promising her that she could meet his kids. And yet every time a meeting was set up there was always an excuse about why it couldn’t happen.  Eventually she stopped wanting to meet his kids, and, ultimately, she stopped wanting to be with him.

Her trust in him had been lost. And without trust what is there?

Make your promises carefully. Remember how important they are for maintaining trust. And love.

#2 – Make your limited time quality time.

Yes, we are all busy, with lots on our mind and all sorts of pressures. But it is important to take a few minutes to really connect with your partner. Not a quick phone call between meetings, talking about yourself and your worries, but real connection.

Next time you are together, take a moment and look at your partner and ask them how they are doing. Listen to them without interrupting. Don’t try to fix anything, just listen.

Listening without judgment is very powerful. Letting your partner know they are cared about, and being heard, is a powerful way to express love. And knowing how your partner is doing will only make you feel closer.

#3 – Use your words.

How many times has a client said to me “I don’t have to tell him I love him. He knows.”

Thousands, I am afraid.

Think back to the last time that your partner told you that you were beautiful, or sexy, or that they loved your laugh. Even if you have heard it from them a million times didn’t it make you feel great?

Words are very powerful. Use them for good. And for love.

#4 – Touch, touch, touch, touch.

One cannot underestimate the importance of the power of touch. I am not talking about sexual touch (although it’s power should not be discounted) but simple affectionate touch.

A hug, holding hands, a kiss, a light pat on the butt. These are all examples of physical affection that can keep you bonded to your partner every day.

Did you know that a hug produces oxytocin, a chemical known to enhance mood? That a pat on the butt can make someone feel sexy and wanted? That holding hands as you walk down the street makes you feel like you can take on the world? Don’t even get me started on kissing…

So reach out and touch your partner today. Don’t make them ask for it. It’s quick, easy and fun, with huge payoffs.

#5 – Don’t take anyone for granted.

Let me state that one again. Don’t take anyone for granted.

When we first fall in love our attention is completely focused on that one person. But as time goes by we get distracted by life and we can start to neglect the one we love. We know they are there, and we assume that they will always be there, so we stop tending the relationship. And the consequences can again be disastrous.

This I can tell you from personal experience. My husband, no matter how awful I was to him, always promised me that he would never leave me. I didn’t mean to but because of this I took him for granted and while I planned to make changes to my behavior I never quite made it happen.

And, guess what. He left me.

So pay attention to that person in bed next to you. One day they just might be gone and where would you be then?

There you go, my 5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Solid.

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved,” said George Sands 100 years ago. And nothing today has changed. We can have success in our careers, be as fit as a 20 year old and have the perfect golf game but without love what does it all matter?

I know that if I had followed my own advice (if I had known it then) my marriage might have had a chance. I certainly regret not working harder at changing those behaviors.

So don’t let love live on the sidelines. Bring it out to center field, into the sunshine, where it can be all that it can be. You can do it.

Look for more help tending your relationship? Contact me and I can help.

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!