5 Powerful Things Kids Learn When You Seek Help For Your Mental Health

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If you are struggling and thinking about reaching out to a medical professional but are hesitant to do so, perhaps knowing the powerful things kids learn when you seek help for your mental health might help you take that next step.

Recognizing that you might need help and then actually reaching out are very hard things to do. There is such a stigma around mental illness and around medication, and therapy to manage them, that reaching out can feel like a failure.

But reaching out for help with your mental health issues might not only make your life a better place but also improve the life of your kids!

Here are 5 powerful things your kids learn when you ask seek help for your mental health.

#1 – That asking for help is ok.

One lesson that we try to model for our kids over and over is that it’s ok to ask for help and that doing so isn’t a sign of weakness.

But asking for help is very hard to do, mostly because we all want to believe that we can do it ourselves.

Think about your kids learning to walk or ride a bike. Didn’t they want to do it themselves? And didn’t they fall down a lot?

How about your husband when he doesn’t ask for help getting his work project done so he isn’t home for dinner for a week?

How about you knowing that you can’t be in 5 places at once but trying to do so nonetheless and letting everyone down?

All of these examples are people believing that they can do things without help and having to deal with the consequences. By reaching out for help with your mental health, you are teaching your kids a very powerful lesson about how important getting help can be and what a difference it can make.

So, set a good example for your kids reach out to someone who can help you get healthy.

#2 – That honesty is important.

Another important lesson that we try to teach our kids is the importance of being honest, always, and that there can be serious consequences if we aren’t. And the consequences of not being honest about your mental health can be disastrous for the whole family!

Imagine what your kids learn when they see you struggling and not doing anything about it. When you are acting like you got this but you obviously haven’t. When they see you pretending that everything is ok but they know it is not. When they watch you lying to your family/friends/co-workers that everything is fine.

Having the strength to seek help for your mental health is a lesson in honesty that your kids will remember and admire. And they will see the positive consequences that will happen when you are honest with everyone, and with yourself!

#3 – That they are not to blame for your issues.

When my kids were 13 and 14, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I had been struggling with my moods for many years and I didn’t really know why. I am sure that I couldn’t face the truth about it as much as I just didn’t know what to do.

Unfortunately, a breakdown forced me to reach out for help. I am glad I did because I got my diagnosis and I was able to start working towards living with it successfully.

When I told me kids about my diagnosis, my daughter said I am so glad that it wasn’t me making you sad for all of these years.Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, still.

My daughter honestly believed that all of my emotional struggles were her fault. I remember thinking the same thing when my mom was sad  that if I was good enough/smart enough/happy enough, I could fix her. Of course, I couldn’t, and I have spent much of my life wishing that I could have.

Now I know that my mom was struggling with anxiety and her unhappy marriage and that there was nothing that I could have done to fix that. If only we had been able to have a talk about what was going on, if she could have reached out to someone for help, maybe I wouldn’t have all the baggage that I do from a childhood caring for my mother, something that has had a significant effect on who I became as an adult.

Reaching out for help, and being able to put words to your feelings, will only help your kids understand so that they can lead happy lives, unburdened by their self-blame at their parent’s mood!

#4 – That mental health conditions are real.

I can’t tell you how many people I have encountered over the years who tell me that they don’t believe in mental health conditions. That people who struggle with depression, anxiety and more are just weaklings who have to suck it up.

In fact, many mental health issues are issues that are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. That is a proven fact, much like diabetes happens because one’s body can’t control the insulin production. People have no problem accepting diabetes but, for some reason, it is not the same with mental illness.

We call mental health issues the no casserole disease.If people are diagnosed with cancer, people bring food. If they are diagnosed with depression, people stay away, almost afraid that it will be contagious.

So, one important lesson that your kids will learn if you seek help for your mental health is that mental health conditions are a thing, much like diabetes, a health issue that affects millions of Americans every year. And, if they know this to be true, if and when the time comes that they must manage their own mental health, or that of a loved one, they will know that it is a real thing and something that can be dealt with!

#5 – That there is always hope.

I know that from where I sat, burdened by depression, I had no hope for the future. The likelihood that I would ever be happy again seemed impossible! And I am pretty sure that those feelings were contagious for my kids how could they not be when they were being displayed by their mother day in and day out for years?

But, once I reached out for help, everything changed. With help from my doctor, for the first time I had real hope for the future. For the first time I believed that I could be happy again. And, as I got better and started to believe again, my kids started to feel hopeful as well.

For years they had seen me sad and, in retrospect, I see now how it was affecting their lives. They both struggled with anxiety and my son clung to me in a way that wasn’t helping either one of us! Once I started getting better, my children’s anxiety was greatly lessened and my son was willing to let me out of his sight.

What a gift it was for me, and for them, that reaching out for help with my mental health was the thing that gave us all hope again. Because here we are today, all healthy and successful and connected by something that we all went through together but that their mom resolved for all of us by taking that big step.

There are many important things kids learn when you seek help with your mental health.

When you reach out for help, you are reinforcing those lessons of honesty and the importance of asking for help that you have been modeling the for years. You are also helping them see that what you have struggled with is a real medical issue and not something that is their fault. And, finally, you give them hope something we all need in this scary world.

So, take that step. Reach out for help managing your mental health. You, and your kids, will be glad that you did!

 

5 Reasons You Might Be Feeling So Pessimistic About Life Right Now

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Are you feeling pessimistic about life right now?

Do you wake up in the morning, depressed, not excited about facing your day?

Are you struggling to see anything hopeful in your future?

You are not alone!

Feeling pessimistic about life right now is something that many people, myself included, are feeling. It’s hard not to, with everything that is happening around us.

For many people, when they are feeling pessimistic about life, they tend to turn their anger and sadness inward, blaming themselves for how they are feeling. And that is natural but it’s not necessarily right.

I am writing this blog to help you see the WHY behind you feeling so pessimistic about life right now so that you can take a good look at yourself and make change, change that might help you feel even a little bit better!

Here are 5 reasons you might be feeling so pessimistic about life right now.

#1 – The outside world.

I am not sure that ever in my lifetime have things felt so out of whack all over the world.

I am a huge disaster movie junkie and almost every one of them starts with floods and fires and discontent with the government. And all of those things are happening right now.

No matter whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, I think we can all agree things are changing.

There are 1000 year floods that are taking out whole counties. There are forest fires in places there have never been forest fires before (think Newfoundland, where there are still floating icebergs in the spring) fires that are wrecking irreversible damage to property and the economy.

The tensions between varying sides of the political spectrum are getting higher, with everyone believing, on both sides of the line, that our country is at risk of being taken over by extremists.

The economy is struggling, the real estate market is out of control, Covid hangs on, still sneaking up on us when we least expect it.

Have I made you feel pessimistic about life right now with this lovely list I just shared? I bet I have. And that is the reason I shared it.

If you are struggling, know that the world that we are living in is most likely a huge part of it. I am sure that you are blaming yourself and your love life and, while those may be a part of it, when everything that is going on all around you is wonky, it’s hard to be on an even keel in your personal life!

And what is happening in the world is nothing that you can control but you can control what you do in your little corner of it!

#2 – Your mind set.

Yes, we have established that the world is a messy place and that your mind set is kind of wonky because of it. It’s hard not to focus on everything that’s horrible in the world right now.

But, it is important that you try to not make current events or your own shortcomings where your mind goes regularly.

Our brains are our worst enemies. They are constantly bombarding us with negative statements about ourselves.

They tell us that we are too fat or too thin, not smart enough, not successful enough, not lovable, friendless, aimless, hopeless. The list goes on and on.

And those thoughts can cause A LOT of damage and might be a big part of why you are feeling so pessimistic about life right now.

It is important that you make an effort to push away those thoughts. To keep them from causing damage that will only make things worse.

There are two ways to do that.

The first involves pushing back.

When you go down that dark road, push back on those thoughts. Try to access the truth about what your brain is saying, so that you can get rid of those thoughts and focus on the positive.

I always keep a list of the things that I feel about myself when times are good. I look at that list as a counter to what my brain is saying when times get bad. It works almost every time!

The other thing that you can do, something that is a little bit easier, is to keep your brain busy, even if just for a little while.

Do yoga, read a book, go to the movies, hang out with friends. Something to take you away from those negative thoughts, at least for a little while, to give yourself a break.

#3 – Your self-care.

Be honest with yourself. Have you been taking care of yourself recently?

Has feeling pessimistic about life made it more difficult for you to do the things that make you feel good?

Are you exercising? Are you taking showers? Are you hanging out with friends? Are you eating and sleeping well?

All of those things are a very important of having a positive view of the world, especially if they were things that you used to do regularly.

I am guessing that, if you haven’t been taking care of yourself, not only are you feeling pessimistic about life right now but you are probably struggling with a bit of self-judgment.

Interestingly, it’s a vicious circle which comes first, the pessimism or the lack of self-care?

Did you start feeling badly about your life and let go of your care or did you let go of your care and start to feel badly about your life?

So, ask yourself if you are taking care of yourself in the ways that you always have in the past. If the answer is no, it is time to take that first step towards making change.

Take a walk, call a friend for coffee, skip the ice cream for the day. Whatever you can do to make yourself feel even just a little bit better about life.

#4 – Holding on to the past.

I am one of those people who lives with a ton of regret. And that regret can pull me down to a very dark place.

A few weeks back, someone suggested that, when I get to that place, I tell myself that I was doing the best that I could do at the time. Because it’s true. Who we were in that moment is not the person we are right now.

Are you like most people? Do you have a lot of regrets?

Do you regret breaking up with that guy you remember to be awesome? Do you wish you had majored in marketing instead of English Lit in college? Do you wish that you hadn’t cut off that friend who was bad mouthing you?

Do you believe that if you had just chosen differently in those instances your life would be much better?

I get it but ask yourself “Was that guy really so awesome? You did, after all, break up with him. And would you really have wanted to do marketing as a career, even though it seems rather glamorous? And no one needs a friend who isn’t nice to them.

Furthermore, understand that, just because you didn’t make the choice that you think you should have made, know that, if you had made that choice, you don’t necessarily know if your life would be better. It could very well be worse!

So, don’t focus on the past. Look to the future. I know it might seem pretty bleak right now but the future you can control the past you can’t.

#5 – No vision for the future.

This is a hard one to change when you are feeling pessimistic about life right now.

When we are feeling badly, it is very hard to look to the future with hope.

When we get to a place where our mind is working against us, when we don’t take care of ourselves, when we live in the past, we get so mired in our present agony that we can’t look to the future.

From this point of view, it is literally impossible to try to access any hope for the days to come. And that just makes everything worse.

I always tell people to look to the past to get through this lack of hope for the future. (I know “it’s ironic. I just told you to ignore the past)

What I want them to focus on is all of the times where things were really bleak, when they were in a horrible place with no hope for the future. And what happened to them?

More often than not, they pulled through those dark times and got on with their lives.

Life has ups and downs. And while we all hope that one day we will find happiness that will stick, life will still give us lemons and we will struggle.

But, reconnecting with the strength that we have used in the past to get through bad times can give us hope for the future and maybe even help us start to plan what that future could look like!

I know that it is hard not to feel pessimistic about life right now.

It has been hard not to for the past few years, since some time around March 2020.

But life has its ups and downs and, if you have made it this far, you know what I am talking about.

Just know that it doesn’t have to be this way. While you can’t fix world events, you can focus on yourself. You can take care of yourself, not live in the past, not let your thoughts control you and try to create a vision of your future.

You will not always be in this place. I know it is hard to believe but it’s true.

I promise!

7 Surprising Signs that Your Boyfriend Might Be Cheating

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I am guessing that you are reading this article because you believe that your boyfriend might be cheating.

I am guessing that you are feeling pretty devastated and that you aren’t thinking clearly around what might be going on.

I am guessing that you could use some help figuring it all out.

It’s so hard to wrap your head around the fact that your boyfriend might be cheating. After all, you love him, you have shared experiences, you have hopes for the future. How could he put all of those things in jeopardy by stepping out on you?

Let me give you some clarity by sharing some examples of signs that your boyfriend might be cheating, examples that might help clear your cloudy mind and help you decide next steps.

Here are 7 surprising signs that your boyfriend might be cheating.

#1 – He isn’t where he says he will be.

I know that this one might not be so surprising but it belongs on any list of signs that your boyfriend might be cheating.

A client of mine was home sick and her boyfriend said that he was going to lunch with his friends. She wanted him to bring home some medicine so she reached out to him to ask him to do so. When she couldn’t reach him, she texted his friend, the friend who was not actually having lunch with him.

So, where was he? My client had no idea and it definitely planted some doubt in her mind.

And, yep, she learned, down the line, he was cheating.

Do you generally know where your boyfriend is and what he is doing? Not every minute of every day but do you feel confident that he isn’t lying to you? If not, your guy might just be cheating.

#2 – His sex drive has changed.

Many men who are having an affair have a reduced sex drive. Why? Because they are getting their sexual needs met elsewhere. Not only are their needs being met elsewhere but, after sex with someone else, they have little left to give their partner.

As a result, people who are being cheated on are also being denied sex for themselves.

Interestingly, when someone’s boyfriend might be cheating, this lack of interest in sex can follow a period of increased interest in sex. This can be caused by an unconsummated affair, where sexual tension is heightened but no action has yet been taken. In other words, he needs an outlet for the desire he is feeling for this new person and his partner is there for that!

Has your boyfriend’s sex drive changed? Are you noticing that he wants more or less sex than he has in the past? If yes, it just might be possible that your boyfriend is having an affair!

#3 – He is impatient with you.

People who are having an affair are feeling GUILTY. They know that what they are doing is wrong, on so many levels. And how might that guilt show up? As anger towards their partner.

This impatience is classic projection. Instead of being impatient and angry with themselves, they project their feelings onto their partner. They project their feelings onto the person who they are cheating on, justifying to themselves, in some way, their affair.

If they are feeling impatient and frustrated by their partners, it’s easier for cheaters to detach themselves from them and move forward with fooling around.

So, pay attention to your partners moods. Are they different than they were before? Is he impatient with you in a way that he hasn’t been before? Is he quick to anger and blame around any random issue? Is he not the man who you fell in love with?

If yes, he just might be stepping out on you.

#4 – He questions whether you are fooling around.

Many men who are having an affair accuse their partner of having one as well. Why? Two things.

The first is that the cheater believes that, if he can cheat, anyone can cheat. And so why wouldn’t his partner cheat on him? On some level, he might actually believe that his partner is truly cheating on him and he feels that his accusations are justified.

The second is that guilt I referred to above. The cheater feels guilty for what they are doing and, if they accuse their partner of cheating, it not only makes them feel better about themselves, it also can serve to deflect any conversations that might be happening about their potential infidelity and focus it elsewhere on their partner.

Is your boyfriend accusing you of cheating, for no reason? If yes, your boyfriend might be cheating and it might be time to walk away.

#5 – He can’t answer simple questions.

My client told me that her boyfriend had changed. That, for most of their relationship, they had been able to talk about anything and everything, whether it be chores or emotions or their social life. Now, out of nowhere, he can’t and won’t talk about anything.

When she brings up why he didn’t do something he said he would do, he barks at her. When she asks him why he is home late, he storms out of the room. When she asks him how lunch was with his friend, he says fine and volunteers nothing more.

She says that she feels like she is alone in the relationship, that when she tries to talk to him, she either gets met with anger or silence. And it hurts, big time.

Why might your guy be unable to answer questions if they are cheating?

Again, it might be the guilt that they are feeling around their affair. It also might be because of their need to protect the lies that they are telling around their affair. After all, lying isn’t easy and, the more vague you are with your partner, the easier it will be to cover your tracks.

#6 – He wants to stay home.

Does your guy want to stay home more often then he used to?

Instead of being excited to hang out with friends or go to the movies or to the local bar, does your boyfriend want to order in and watch Netflix?

If the answer to this question is yes, then it is possible that your boyfriend might be cheating on you.

Why? Because he is worried that, if you go out, you might run into the person he is having an affair with, or somehow find out, and that could blow the whole thing up. And that idea scares the shit out of him!

So, are you finding that you are binging Stranger Things” more than usual? If yes, it just might be because your boyfriend is cheating and scared to leave the house with you.

#7 – His friends are avoiding you.

This is a big one.

Guys are horrible at keeping secrets and the last thing in the world that they want to do is risk letting you know that their friend is cheating.

So, what do they do? They avoid you. They go out of their way to not be there when you are around and, if you are, they will make sure that they have as little contact with you as possible.

They do not want to be the one who spills the beans about this relationship and have to deal with the aftermath.

Think hard. Are your boyfriend’s friends avoiding you? Are they not treating you the way they always have? Are they trying to keep their distance when you are in the same place? Do you wonder if they might be keeping something from you? If yes, then your boyfriend just might be fooling around.

Suspecting that your boyfriend might be cheating is a horrible thing.

There might not be anything worse (except for maybe KNOWING that they are).

Unfortunately, when presented with the possibility, it is hard to determine what is real and what isn’t. That is where my list comes in. Read it carefully and see if anything there applies to your relationship.

Is your boyfriend being secretive or vague? Are his friends being the same? Have his behaviors, his sex drive or his communication skills changed? Is he impatient with you or does accuse you of cheating? Do you stay home much more than you used to?

Of course, all of these things might not be signs that your person is cheating on you but, if for some reason you suspect he might be, these signs might help you confirm whether he is or not.

 

 

 

 

 

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