Tried and True Ways To Manage Trust Issues in Your New Relationship

New relationships can be challenging. Of course, they are wonderful in many ways because there is nothing more magical than falling in love, but they can also be challenging as the relationship progresses.

For many of us, we have been deeply hurt in the past and, therefore, find it difficult to trust a new person. Instead of being open to love, we put up walls and look for issues where there might not be any.

Did you know that this is so common that there is actually a word for it: pistanthrophobia, the fear of trusting others. ^[15]

Fortunately, while are trust issues can make new relationships challenging, but they’re not impossible to overcome.

The key to overcoming trust issues is to have awareness that trust issues are a thing and to learn how to move past them. Let me share with you how to do just that so that you can have the loving relationship that you want!

5 Ways To Build Trust Early in Dating (and Create a Secure Relationship)

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Define Your Trust Issues

A great way to safeguard relationships is by spotting trust issues early on. These challenges often reveal themselves pretty quickly through specific thought patterns and behaviors toward your partner.

#1 – Do You Overanalyze Your Partner’s Actions?

Do you find yourself reading too much into your partner’s behavior? Do you feel like you are analyzing everything your new person says and does? Do you find that you aren’t likely to believe what they do or say and does that block you from truly connecting with them?

Trust issues often lead to overanalyzing someone’s words or actions, sometimes assigning negative meanings where none exist.^[9][7] For instance, if your partner comes home late, you might jump to conclusions about infidelity instead of considering something as simple as a traffic delay. ^[10]

This constant overthinking can make you question even genuine compliments or acts of love, creating a cycle of doubt and insecurity. Recognizing this tendency is a crucial first step toward addressing its deeper causes.

#2 – Do You Struggle to Be Vulnerable?

Keeping emotional distance from your partner is another sign of trust issues. You might avoid sharing your thoughts or feelings, fearing judgment or rejection. ^[9][11][4]

Dr. Ramone Ford, PhD, from Cleveland Clinic, explains:

“If you’re not being authentic or saying what you need in a relationship out of fear or mistrust, you could end up internalizing those feelings and worsen the situation.” ^[5]

By holding back, you miss out on building the emotional intimacy that forms the foundation of a strong, healthy relationship.

#3 – Do You Constantly Seeking Reassurance?

If you frequently ask your partner for reassurance – whether it’s about their love for you or their commitment – it could point to underlying trust issues. ^[10][4][9]This behavior often stems from a fear of abandonment, even when there’s no evidence to support it. ^[12][13]

I know that when I was first with my husband, I was absolutely petrified that he would abandon me like my ex-husband did. This caused me to sabotage our relationship in more ways than one. Luckily, I saw what I was doing before it was too late.

A need for constant reassurance can strain a relationship. Over time, your partner might feel emotionally drained, and the very behavior meant to secure the relationship could end up driving a wedge between you. ^[12][4]

Identifying these behaviors is an essential step in understanding the root of your trust issues, paving the way for deeper exploration.

Identify Where Trust Issues Come From

Once you’ve identified trust issues, it’s essential to explore their origins. Your past experiences often shape how you approach trust. As Dr. Ramone Ford from Cleveland Clinic explains:

“Early in life, you form expectations and beliefs that the world and certain people will act a certain way. If your needs aren’t met earlier in life, it becomes harder to build those connections and to open up and be vulnerable in relationships.” ^[5]

It’s important to remember that your reactions are rooted in genuine pain, not personal shortcomings. Recognizing this distinction allows you to separate past trauma from your current reality, giving you a chance to respond differently in new relationships. A closer look at past betrayals can help explain why trust feels so fragile.

#1 – Past Relationship Betrayals

Experiences like infidelity or dishonesty can leave lasting scars. If a former partner cheated on you, lied, or manipulated you through gaslighting, it’s natural to develop a protective mindset – a “never again” approach to avoid future hurt. ^[7] Some people even identify these issue in dating profiles, hoping they won’t be repeated. These betrayals often lead to heightened vigilance in later relationships.

Traumatic breakups or unexpected divorces can also shake your confidence, making you question your ability to judge others. Alyssa “Lia” Mancao, LCSW, highlights this impact:

“A person can have had a secure attachment during childhood; however, betrayals and infidelity in adulthood can lead to an insecure attachment.” ^[14]

The challenge is to recognize that a single betrayal doesn’t dictate every future relationship. Your new partner isn’t responsible for the mistakes of someone else, but understanding how past wounds influence your reactions can help you navigate triggers.

#2 – Childhood Experiences

Your ability to trust often takes root long before your first relationship. The attachment bond you formed with your caregivers – typically between 7 and 11 months old – creates a template for how you connect with others throughout life. ^[14] If your caregivers were reliable and nurturing, you likely developed a secure attachment style. But if they were inconsistent, neglectful, or frightening, you may have learned early on that people aren’t dependable.

Research shows that 56% of adults have a secure attachment style, while 19% have an anxious attachment style (characterized by fear of abandonment) and 25% have an avoidant attachment style (marked by fear of intimacy). ^[14] Childhood experiences such as witnessing parental infidelity, growing up in high-conflict households, or facing rejection from peers can reinforce a belief that relationships are inherently unstable.

For children exposed to violence, the impact can be profound. Women are 3.5 times more likely and men 3.8 times more likely to repeat these patterns as adults. ^[7] These early experiences shape your expectations about safety, reliability, and whether being vulnerable leads to connection or rejection.

While understanding these origins doesn’t undo the past, it can help reframe trust issues as natural responses to real experiences – not personal flaws. Your trust issues are NOT YOUR FAULT. They didn’t happen in a void. You experienced some sore of trauma that brought you to this place. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Learn to Build Trust Through Open Communication

Understanding how your past shapes trust is just the beginning – clear communication acts as the bridge to move forward. Once you’ve identified trust issues, having honest conversations with your partner becomes essential. This means sharing your thoughts and feelings while also creating space for theirs. Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC, from Talkspace, highlights the importance of this foundation:

“Trust is the belief that someone can be relied on to do or say something that was agreed upon. Trust issues are the inability to believe that one can rely on another person… Without trust, no relationship is sustainable.” ^[3]

This was the key to getting past my trust issues with my husband. We were able to talk openly and honestly about how I was feeling so that he could understand where I was coming from. He had nurturing parents and had never had his heart broken, so understanding my trust issues was not easy. But, once he understood, we worked together to make a plan for moving forward.

That being said, it isn’t always as easy as one might hope to have these kinds of conversations because sometimes they can spark conflict rather than strengthen connection. Finding ways to communicate effectively is the goal.

#1 – Express Your Fears and Concerns Without Assigning Blame

Opening up about fears and concerns without assigning blame requires a shift in how you approach conversations. Using “I” statements can help take ownership of your feelings instead of pointing fingers. For example, rather than saying, “You always ignore my texts,” try, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you for several hours.” ^[5][17]

Start small by discussing minor concerns, like how you’d prefer to spend your evenings or your daily schedule, before diving into tougher topics like finances or past betrayals. ^[4] This gradual approach builds trust and reassures your partner that honesty is safe.

Try to keep in mind that your partner has good intentions. ^[4][5] Very few people set out to hurt those they care about. If you can hold on to this thoughts, it helps keep discussions productive and prevents defensive reactions. If a conversation touches a “raw spot” – a sensitive issue from your past that triggers an emotional response – acknowledge it openly instead of shutting down. ^[4]

Once you’ve expressed yourself, the next step is to focus on listening.

#2 – Listen Without Judgment

Trust isn’t just about speaking – it’s also about how you listen. Dr. Ramone Ford, PhD, Psychologist, explains the value of active listening:

“Actively listen to what someone says about their needs, their boundaries and what’s important to them. When you show that you care about their interests, their safety and their happiness, it tells the other person that you appreciate their values and their beliefs.” ^[16]

Instead of assuming you know what your partner means, ask clarifying questions. This not only shows genuine interest but also reduces misunderstandings. ^[1] Try to have these conversations not in a busy, noisy restaurant but somplace you can concentrate on listening and understanding perspectives.

Validation is equally important. Acknowledge your partner’s emotions to show that their feelings matter. ^[17] Avoid dismissive responses like, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” which can deflect accountability and escalate tension. Instead, try phrases like, “I understand why that would upset you” or “Thank you for trusting me with this.”

Finally, setting clear expectations helps reinforce trust.

#3 – Set Expectations Early On

Trust thrives on consistency and predictability. Dr. Ramone Ford, PhD, Psychologist, emphasizes:

“Trust is learned over time and it’s based on your faith in the boundaries, limitations and expectations that you set up for each other.” ^[16]

Unfortunately, when we go into new relationships we aren’t always honest about who we are. We don’t do this maliciously – we just want to put our best foot forward so we can try to hide some of darkness. As a result, when trust issues do arise, they often seem to come out of the blue.

Set expections early – be honest! Misunderstandings can lead to emotional harm and strain the relationship, ultimately breaking it down.^[15]

Be upfront about your boundaries and what you need to feel secure. This could include regular check-ins, transparency about friendships, or shared relationship goals. ^[16] While these conversations might feel awkward initially, they can prevent recurring conflicts.

Equally important is aligning your actions with your words. If you promise to call at a specific time, make sure you follow through. Small acts of reliability – like showing up when you say you will – build trust over time. On the other hand, repeated lateness or broken promises can erode it. ^[16] And make sure that things work both ways: communicate what you need from your partner and ask them to share their expectations as well. ^[15]

For tailored advice on addressing trust issues and improving communication, working with a life coach – like me – can be very helpful.

Focus on Personal Growth and Forgiving Yourself

Trusting yourself is just as important as trusting your partner. ^[6] Carrying unresolved pain from the past can create emotional barriers – walls that may have once protected you but now hinder genuine connections. ^[21] One of the best ways to deal with trust issues is to not have them at all!

Focusing on self-improvement and practicing forgiveness, both for yourself and others, opens the door to healthier, more meaningful relationships.

#1 – Practice Self-Reflection and Self-Compassion

Understanding the root of your trust issues starts with honest self-reflection. When you feel suspicious, take a moment to ask yourself, “What triggered this emotion?” ^[22] It is so important that you work to  separate facts from feelings. ^[22][5] Research shows that while genetics can influence trust tendencies, distrust often stems from social experiences and family dynamics. ^[2] The good news? These patterns can be changed with conscious effort.

A helpful tool is journaling. Write down thoughts like, “Everyone will betray me” and examine the evidence supporting or contradicting that belief. ^[6] This process helps you recognize outdated defense mechanisms that no longer serve you. Be kind to yourself during this process. As Dr. Ramone Ford, Ph.D., advises:

“If you’ve suffered an emotional injury and you choose to stay and work on the relationship, having empathy for yourself is important because that takes a lot of work.”

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The key to this is showing yourself compassion during tough moments so that you can stay focused on growth instead of slipping into old habits. This self-awareness paves the way for letting go of past pain through forgiveness.

#2 – Forgive Both Yourself and Others

Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or excusing what happened – it’s about choosing to release negative emotions like anger, resentment, or the urge for revenge. ^[23][24] Venerable Thubten Chodron explains it best:

“Forgiveness is not saying what the other person did is okay, it is letting go of our negative emotions.” ^[23]

Holding onto grudges can take a toll on both your mental and physical health. ^[24] Letting go benefits not just your relationship but also your overall well-being.

Self-forgiveness is equally essential. We are often our own worse enemy- we hate how weak we think we are and judge ourselves for our feelings. Its important that you approach your past and present actions with kindness and honesty. ^[25] Your past experiences have led you to this place and that is okay. We are all human. We all make mistakes. Try to accept that and look forward instead of back. And, if you struggle to do so, don’t give up. Forgive yourself and try again!

#3 – Seek Professional Support

When self-reflection and self-work hit a wall, professional guidance can help you move forward. A certified coach can offer a fresh perspective, helping you uncover hidden patterns and create strategies tailored to your specific challenges around trust issue in relationships. Believe it or not, there are many people who struggle with trust issues and sometimes a professional who has guided many people before you can make a huge difference.

As a life coach working with people with trust issues, I offer one-on-one sessions where you’ll gain tools to identify triggers, challenge unhelpful thoughts, and rebuild trust in your own judgment. Working with me will help you reframe past betrayals as isolated incidents rather than universal truths. ^[6] Doing these things can speed up the healing process so that you can find the love that you want!

“Trusting is a decision you make, not a feeling that happens to you.” – Kayla Knopp, Clinical Graduate Student, University of Denver ^[8].

Rebuilding trust starts with self-trust and separating past experiences from present realities.

The process takes time, consistency, and a willingness to be vulnerable. Be honest about your triggers and boundaries, but avoid assigning blame. Be specific about what you need to feel safe, and what you can give in return. Forgive yourself for carrying the pain of old relationships.

And remember, its important to recognize the difference between trusting someone and trying to control every outcome. Healthy relationships require accepting some level of uncertainty.

Through self-awareness, honest communication, and consistent effort, trust can flourish. By embracing these changes, you can nurture a relationship where trust becomes a cornerstone, not a question mark.