Why Does Love Hurt in a Relationship? 5 Surprising Reasons.

Why does love hurt? I mean, seriously.

Love in the movies is full of roses and sunshine but, for some reason, in real life it’s different.

Being in love means being in pain. Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time.

Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychically abused by their partner. We aren’t going to talk about that today. We are going to talk about why every day, regular, loving relationships can be painful.

The answers might surprise you!

#1 – The uncertainty about the future.

When you are wondering why does love hurt one of the biggest reasons is because of the uncertainty of it all.

Love is wonderful and when we are falling in it we feel so wonderful and secure. And happy. And we get accustomed, in a way, to that security and comfort and we don’t want it to go away.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love. We know that from experience. And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain. Again.

So, it’s the not knowing the future of our relationship – how it will turn out – that causes us physical pain. The anxiety can cause stomach pain, heart ache that feels real, head fog and other physical symptoms. Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain.

Try to manage your worries about the future. No one knows what will happen and worrying about it will only take away from the happiness that you are feeling right now.

#2 – The expectations of what could be.

Unfortunately, it’s that darn future that causes love to hurt in a relationship.

For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult. Instead of enjoying where we are right now, we project ahead to the future. Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychic pain.

It’s those questions that you run over and over in your head that do it. When will I see him again? What will we do, if anything, this weekend?  When can we move in together? When will she introduce me to her friends?

Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain. The symptoms can be similar to those described above. You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which are very fun for your partner.

So, if this is you, worrying about the future constantly, try to let it go and focus on right now.

#3 – The chemical crash.

Another reason that love is so painful is because of our body’s chemistry.

When we are falling in love, all sorts of wonderful chemicals are coursing through our bodies.

Dopamine, serotine, oxytocin and endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust. Those chemicals feels SO good that they are, in a way, addictive. Because our bodies only produce them at certain times, like when we are falling in love or after we exercise, when we don’t have them we crave them.

You know how, when after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful? That is because your body is literally going into withdrawal of those chemicals that make you feel so good. And you won’t feel them again until you have some contact with your person.

This withdrawal is extremely painful and we will do just about anything to ease the pain. This need leads to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified.

If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.

#4 – The baggage we bring.

Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused previous heartbreak is real and still present in our mind. As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain.

I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down. They made me promises, big promises, and then didn’t follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.

As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. Sometimes it’s so bad that I set up my new guy to let me down, just to see what he will do.

This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. And that is dangerous because we don’t want that baggage to interfere with the new one’s success.

If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner. It’s not his fault that another guy messed up so don’t make him pay for it!

#5 – The letdown.

You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you. Years and years of searching and FINALLY you hit paydirt!

Or did you?

When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. But then, as time goes on, our person reveals more of who he is and we learn that maybe he isn’t exactly who we thought he was.

I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath (although that does happen) but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect.

Perhaps the guy who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesn’t. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob. Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like.

When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, there can be a huge letdown. It’s not that they aren’t perfect enough to keep around but sometimes the awakening can be a rude one. And a painful one.

So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain?  You take stock of the good things about your person (like the fact that he isn’t a narcissitic sociopath) and, if necessary, address the things that might not be so perfect. If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.

Either way, don’t let the fact that your person isn’t the perfect person you thought he was get in the way of your happiness. You probably aren’t quite the person he thought you were either and still he stays.

Why does love hurt? Why can’t life be easy and full of joy?

On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why.

Fortunately, the pain doesn’t need to mark the end of a relationship. Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.

Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?

Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced.

Love can be wonderful and love can be painful. Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after!

You can do it!

Do you want to know more about how to deal with pain in a relationship?
 Let me help you, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

25 Toxic Relationship Quotes To Help You Move On

I truly believe that one of the best ways to successfully get out of a toxic relationship is with support from others who have shared in the same experience.

To that end, I have gathered 25 toxic relationship quotes to give you the inspiration and support that you need to get yourself out of a relationship that is sucking you dry and to give you the inspiration to live a full life.

The quotes are from celebrities and authors,  sages and unknowns. All of them spoke to me and I am sure will speak to you too.


Dear Self: Stop re-opening your doors for toxic people…then calling it “seeking closure.” Certain things don’t work out in life… and that’s ok. – Reyna Biddy


You can’t fight for a place in someone’s life because no matter how hard you try to keep your place…they’ll put you where they want to even if it’s not where you should be. – Anon


Sometimes it’s better to end something & try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible. – Karen Salmansohn


Thank you. Next. – Ariana Grande


You survived the abuse. You’re going to survive the recovery. – Anon


When it comes to abuse, you believe there’s no way out. There is always help. There is always a way out. – Rev. Donna Mulvey


Please don’t settle for temporary pleasures. You’re worth more than a late-night text and an uncommitted soul. – Unknown


Strong women get tired, strong women feel broken, strong women eventually get fed up, strong women will eventually walk away for good. – r.h. sin


When a strong woman finally gives up it’s not because she is weak or because she no longer loves her man. To put it in the simplest terms – she is just tired. She is tired of the games, she is tired of the sleepless nights, she is tired of feeling like she is all alone and its only one thing. She is tired. – Anon


One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered. – Michael J. Fox


I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts you back and who never lets you fall asleep thinking you are unwanted. – Unknown


Some people won’t love you no matter what you do. Some people won’t stop loving you no matter what you do. Go where the love is. – Karen Salmansohn


Sometimes a man’s purpose in a woman’s life is to help her become a better woman…for another man. – Anon


If he’s not doing anything to keep you then why are you trying so hard to stay? Taylor Swift


Cheer up sweet, beautiful girl. You are going to be in love again and it’s going to be magnificent. – Anon


If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello. – Paulo Coelho


Just because your past didn’t turn out like you wanted it to doesn’t mean your future can’t be better then you have ever imagined. – Unknown


Love is the strongest and most fragile thing we have in life. Nothing is ever for sure, but when something in love doesn’t work from the beginning, it’s never going to work. Don’t push it. – Vanessa Paradis


You deserve to be with someone who looks at you every day like they have won the lottery and they have the whole world in front of them. – Anon


My life basically blew up in my face. And now I’m in this new life, and it’s pretty awesome I have to say — I’m so inspired. Everything just feels new. – Gwen Stefani


You need to keep on moving, darling, or you will miss the train to a better life than this. –  Unknown


Pour yourself a drink, put some lipstick on and pull yourself together. – Liz Taylor


The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends. – Gwyneth Paltrow


You are one decision away from a totally different life. – Unknown


You will find love again, and it will be even more beautiful! In the meantime enjoy all that YOU are! – Rihanna


Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together – Marilyn Monroe


So there you are, 25 toxic relationship quotes to help you move on.

I hope they have inspired you to know that you deserve better than someone who doesn’t love and value you everyday and that, if you choose to leave, a better life awaits you.

Go for it! Life is yours for the taking!

Do you want to know more about how to get out of a toxic relationship?
 Let me help you, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Get Someone To Like You Without Devaluing Yourself

Are you worrying about how to get someone to like you but don’t want to devalue yourself? Perhaps you have a certain someone in mind or perhaps you are just worried in general, that someday you might meet someone and you won’t know what to do?

Getting someone to like you, without losing yourself, is actually easier than you think and something that you can manage once you know the keys.

What are they?

#1 – Like yourself.

How can you expect someone to like you if you don’t like yourself?

The key to how to get someone to like you is to make sure that you are happy with who you are in the world. That you have done your work and are comfortable with yourself.

People who are damaged and unhappy tend to attract people who are also damaged and unhappy. Likewise, happy and confident people tend to attract happy and confident people.

So, have you done your work?

Are you happy with your career, your relationship with friends and family and your mental and physical health?

If any of things can use some improvement, I encourage you to get on them right away. Working on yourself is an excellent way to become happy and confident.

Fortunately, you don’t need to be all fixed before working to get someone to like you. If you have awareness about your issues and are actively working on them, it will show and you will attract someone who is also self-aware and evolving.

#2 – Be yourself always.

One of the biggest challenges in new relationships is that, because we want someone to like us, we aren’t always our true selves.

Instead, we put forward the best version of ourselves or even act like someone totally different. Our person falls for that person, not who we really are.

People who aren’t themselves in relationships are doomed to failure. Eventually our true selves come out and, when they do, they can scare your person away.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are going through a break-up say I wish things could go back to the way they were at the beginning. They can’t. And part of that is because at least one person wasn’t being themselves but instead being who they wanted to be.

And that, once gone, can never come back.

#3 – Be the best you.

We all have parts of ourselves that we really like and are proud of.

For me, I know that I am a really good question-asker. So, when I am getting to know someone, I ask a lot of questions. People like it when other people ask them questions so it often works well to get them to like me.

What is the best part of you? The part you like most. Have that part of you on display when you are working on getting someone to like you.

#4 – Don’t be a follower.

When you are wondering how to get someone to like you, one of the most important things to know is that it’s essential that you not be a follower.

What do I mean? I mean that it’s key that you don’t let your person call all of the shots in the relationship.

Relationships are meant be even. Sometimes you make the decision, sometimes he does. You are aware of each other’s wishes and desires and sometimes accommodate them but never do you let them walk all over you to get what they want.

People who are doormats for other people are not attractive. Perhaps you are worried that, if you speak up for what you want, your person might be mad at you or leave you but DON’T. If your person isn’t willing to at least discuss your thoughts then they aren’t the person for you.

Imagine spending the rest of your life doing what you partner wanted to do and never having your own wishes accommodated. How much would that suck?

So, speak up. Be flexible but speak up!

#5 – Use your words, but not too many.

A key part of any relationship success is communication. The most important part and often times the hardest!

I encourage everyone who is wondering how to get someone to like them is to practice communication. Communicating about who you are authentically, what you want in a relationship. What is important in your life.

Share with your prospective partner and have them share with you. Understand each other so that you can decide if you want to move forward together.

It’s also important that you not share too much. Of course, you want your guy to know you but oversharing can be off-putting, especially for men.

Let your guy get to know you slowly. Keep the mystery going and you will pull him in in a way that he won’t ever want to leave.

#6 – Don’t make it something it isn’t.

When you are wondering how to get someone to like you there is one piece of advice that should stand above the rest – don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole.

For many of us, when we first meet someone and are attracted to them, we become fixated on them liking us. We will do whatever we can do to attract and keep their attention.

What many of us ignore, however, is when a red flag gets raised that this person is not the one for us. Or that, no matter how hard we try, we can’t succeed in our efforts and they keep turning away.

If someone you like is turning away from you or is obviously not a good fit, stop your efforts immediately. You don’t want to waste any more time on someone who isn’t the person for you. And, the more time that you spend trying to get someone to like you, the harder it will be for you to let go!

So, as you go about your efforts to get someone to like you, make sure you are doing it for the right reasons and that your efforts haven’t already failed.

In life and in love, knowing how to get someone to like you without devaluing yourself is very, very important.

The only person you truly have in the world is you and you don’t want to let yourself down by becoming less of yourself in the pursuit of love.

So, make an effort to like yourself first, be you and only you, present your best self, communicate openly, taking the lead sometimes and don’t make something out of nothing.

If you follow these guidelines, love is yours for the taking.

Go for it!

Do you want to know more about how to get someone to like you?
 Let me help you, NOW, before you make mistakes!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

9 Proven Coping Mechanisms To Work Through Reactive Depression

Have you been poking around the internet because you have been feeling SO SAD and are you wondering if you have reactive depression?

Reactive depression is a relative newcomer in the spectrum of mood disorder. Reactive depression is a type of depression brought on from a specific situation that has occurred in your life.

Unlike most other depressions, which can last for years if not properly managed, reactive depression is a type of clinical depression that typically lasts a few months. While it’s time is limited, it can be very traumatizing or severe during this time. In addition, reactive depression is different from other depressions because it is solely caused by a specific stressful event, whereas other depressions can have multiple causes.

Coping mechanisms to work through reactive depression are similar to those we use with other depressions but are unique in their own way.

#1 – Identify what is causing your reactive depression.

As I stated above, reactive depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven’t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about reactive depression include:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • End of a relationship
  • Loss of a job
  • Trauma

Take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Has your parent or your pet died? Have you experienced trauma recently? Has someone broken your heart?

Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad and you have recently experienced a big change in your life, you might be dealing with reactive depression.

#2 – Know the symptoms of reactive depression.

Most people with reactive depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of reactive depression vary from person to person and often include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with reactive depression and it’s time to deal with it. Reactive depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#3 – Know what is NOT reactive depression.

An important way to identify, and therefore treat, reactive depression is by understanding what it is NOT.

If you have a family history of depression, or you have previously struggled with depression, then you might not be struggling with reactive depression. Talk to your doctor about the differences. All depressions need to be treated but the treatment can vary so understanding the distinctions is important!

#4 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are struggling with reactive depression, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don’t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

What kind of things might work? That depends on who you are in the world but here are a few ideas.

  • Take a walk.
  • Spend time with friends.
  • Take a bath.
  • Do some yoga.
  • Binge on some fun TV.
  • Have sex
  • Go to the movies.
  • Take a road trip

So, what makes you happy? I know it seems hard now but ask yourself what you usually enjoy doing. Or ask a friend. Doing something that makes you happy will raise your endorphins and help you manage your reactive depression.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

An excellent coping mechanism for working through reactive depression is taking care of yourself.

After my mom died I fell apart. Getting off the couch was next to impossible. Wine was my closest companion with ice cream a close second.

Fortunately for me, a friend saw what I was doing to myself and get me back on track. I started going to yoga, getting more sleep, eating better and drinking lots of water.

I started spending more time outdoors in the sunshine because the warmth of the sun felt good on my body and the Vitamin D provided by the sun is a natural anti-depressant.

I know that if I hadn’t started taking care of myself, if I hadn’t made my body stronger, my reactive depression would have gotten worse!

#6 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when we are overwhelmed by reactive depression, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all of our bad feelings.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren’t good at anything. You will never find love.  You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn’t go there.

So how do you keep your mind busy when you are going through this difficult time?  Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don’t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings caused by the reactive depression?

Figure it out and do it!

#7 – Share your sadness.

Sharing your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share what has happened to you, you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your reactive depression then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let the pain that is inside your head and your heart out into the world.

#8 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don’t, it could be time to start.

Writing about trauma in your life can be very therapeutic, especially if you don’t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your pain out of your head and heart and onto paper.

And when you can see your pain and your feelings on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it can sometimes be much easier to manage.

#9 – See a doctor.

For many people, the thought of seeing a doctor to deal with our moods is embarrassing. We think we should be stronger and just pull up our boot straps and deal with this on our own.

Unfortunately, there are some things that just can’t be managed on their own, something that all of the coping mechanisms in the world can’t ease. Reactive depression can be one of them.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, and you have tried the things above and they haven’t helped, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your primary care doctor can help diagnose your depression and get you the help you need to manage and work through it.

Reactive depression is a horrible, horrible thing.

Not only has something terrible happened in your life but now you have to deal with overwhelming sadness because of it.

Perhaps you’re reading this article because you are feeling like you might be at the end of your rope. Perhaps you’re feeling that, because the life that you once led is over, there’s no reason for you to go on. Your future looks hopeless and you will never be happy again.

I can promise you this is not true. I know you might not believe it right now because from where you sit things look pretty shitty but I can promise you that the view from the other side is a rosy one. 

Do the things that I recommended above. If one thing doesn’t work try another. If nothing eases your pain, call your doctor. Don’t give up!

You can do it!

Are you struggling with reactive depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

7 Things that You Can Learn from Bad Relationships

Are you struggling over and over with bad relationships? Are you unhappy because you are wasting time on all these losers and wonder if you will ever find the right one?

Don’t give up!

There are a lot of lessons to be learned from bad relationships, lessons that will set you up for success when you find the right person.

What kind of lessons? Let me tell you…

#1 – What red flags look like.

If you are not familiar with the term ‘red flags’ let me explain.

Red flags are signals that there is something bad ahead.  Sometimes they are clear and sometimes they are not. Often times we ignore them. And when we do, disasters happen.

What might a red flag look like?

Some are subtle. Perhaps he talks about his ex alot, or he has a bad relationship with his mother. Perhaps he hasn’t been able to hold down a job. Perhaps he refuses to talk about anything difficult.

Some are more obvious. Perhaps he states that he doesn’t want a serious relationship or that kids are out of the questions. Perhaps he tells you that that male friend of yours has to go.

The thing about red flags is that often we see them and we ignore them or justify them away. Hopefully, bad relationships will help you to recognize that those red flags can be accurate and that, if you had only paid attention to them in the beginning, you could have spared yourself a whole lot of pain.

#2 – What not to do.

One lesson that can be learned from bad relationships is what NOT to do next time.

Many of us have behaviors that we repeat in every relationship and many of us are in serial bad relationships because of it.

For many people, we tend to personalize things that happen in a relationship. If our guy comes home late, it’s because they don’t love us. If they don’t put away their dirty laundry, they don’t respect us. If they forget our birthday, we just aren’t important to them.

And while in some cases these things might be true, more often than not things that people do have nothing to do with the other person – they have to do with misjudgment and neglect.

So, don’t take things personally – it’s not all about you.

Another thing that people tend to do in bad relationships is to be passive aggressive and to antagonize.

Instead of confronting an issue head on, many of us make snide comments on the side, hoping our person will hear our dissatisfaction and act on it. Furthermore, we continue to harp on an issue, cutting a thousand little cuts, to the point that our partner no longer cares about what our concerns are.

These are just two behaviors that derail many relationships. There are others.

Take a good hard look at what your role is in this relationship – bad relationships rarely happen because of one person’s behavior. Figure out what yours are and make note.

#3 – That enabling is not supporting.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was struggling and you tried to save it by being supportive?

Many of us, women in particular, believe that if we can just support our person that the relationship will hold. If we are patient while our partners work late hours or hold their hands when they feel insecure AGAIN about something that happened at the gym or look the other way when they have that third vodka after dinner we believe that they will notice us and stay in love with us. And that, maybe, their troubling behaviors will change.

Unfortunately, this ‘supporting’ is really more ‘enabling’ and enabling is not good in any relationship.

If you continue to look the other way when your partner gets drunk or ignores you because of work or yells at you because of their own insecurities, you are telling your partner that their behaviors are ok. And if your partners think their behaviors are ok, they will never change.

If your partner has behaviors that make you unhappy, stop supporting them. Either speak up about them or walk.

#4 – What traits you do want in a partner.

One of the clearest lessons to learn in bad relationships is what it really is that you want in a partner.

Even as we hold on to bad partners, we do start to see very clearly their shortcomings and we can therefore get a sense of what we ideally would want if we were in charge of the world.

I had a guy who I loved but who was desperately insecure, who wanted to please everyone, who had a quick temper, who lived with a ton of fear and who was in and out of jobs. I loved him but I was suffering.

When I finally broke free of that relationship I set out looking for a guy who knew who he was, who was patient and kind and steady. I was very clear about that and did ultimately find what I was seeking.

So, what do you want in a partner? Make a list. Write it down. Refer to it often.

#5 – That letting go is not giving up.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients who are struggling with letting go of love in bad relationships tell me that they aren’t walking away because they don’t want to give up! That they aren’t quitters.

And I always tell them the same thing – that there are two people in a relationship and that as long as you are the only one making the effort, or that the efforts you both are making aren’t working, then it’s not a matter of giving up. You can only control your own efforts – only you can finish that marathon – but you can’t control someone else. It’s not giving up if your partner isn’t giving their all as well.

So, if you are struggling with ‘giving up,’ don’t! Know that you can let go of a love that isn’t serving you and move on with your head held high, knowing that you did your best.

#6 – How strong you are.

For those of us who survive bad relationships (which, pretty much, we all do in the end) we know how strong we are.

By having the fortitude to let go of a love that wasn’t serving you, you are reclaiming your own power, a power that you might have lost in the struggle that was your bad relationship.

Talk to someone who has escaped from a bad situation and you will see someone who might be sad, perhaps really sad, but someone who feels powerful having been able to do it.

Letting go of bad relationships is incredibly difficult – do it and you will feel stronger then you ever have before.

#7 – That being alone is better than being unhappy.

One thing that can become very clear when you are in a bad relationship is how much better it might be to be alone than to be with someone who makes you miserable.

There is nothing worse than the day in, day out suffering of being in a bad relationship. You wake up to it, it lives with you throughout the day and is there when you go to bed at night.

Sure, when you are alone you might spend time alone on your couch binge watching Game of Thrones, but your time is your own. You can do what you want. And, while you might feel miserable that you are alone, I can promise you that it’s not as miserable as you might feel if you spend your days struggling with bad relationships.

Learning lessons from bad relationships is a key part of finding love and happiness.

The goal is to not repeat history – not at work, not with parenting, not with behaviors and not with relationships. The goal is to learn from our mistakes and move forward to find success in the future.

So, take a good look at bad relationshps that you have had in your life and take inventory of what lessons you have learned so that you can do things differently in the future!

You can do it! True love is out there waiting for you!

Are you struggling with a bad relationship?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

 

How Do You Know if You Love Someone as Much as They Love You

How do you know if you love someone as much as they love you? It’s a really important question to ask.

Love is complicated and because human beings so want to be in love we are sometimes desperate to hold on to someone we aren’t sure we love because we WANT to love them.

On the other hand, many of us are so scared of love, often because of past hurts, that trusting whether or not they are in love can be difficult.

With both those things in mind, it’s important to carefully examine how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you.

#1 – You know what love is – and you feel it.

Do you know the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone? It is very important to understand the difference between the two.

I believe that when you are in love with someone you feel the feelings that you read about in books. When you see your person your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely and you care about their hopes and dreams.

I believe that when you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more feelings of friendship. You feel peaceful and happy being with them and support them in their endeavors but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn’t there.

So, how do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap or do you just feel peaceful? It’s an important distinction and one that only you can know.

#2 – Things are evenly balanced.

When you love someone as much as they love you, you will find that you meet each other equally. You both want to spend time together, you both do nice things for each other, you equally share in the give and take in the relationship.

When love is uneven, more often than not, one person is giving way more than the other. And both sides are uncomfortable with this. The person who is giving too much feels like they are not being appreciated and the person who is giving less feels unhappy with the power dynamic in the relationship.

What does your relationship look like? Do you enjoy giving to your partner and much as he or she gives to you? If not, they might love you more than you love them.

#3 – They don’t bug you.

When you are in a relationship where the love is equal you will find that you are never aggravated by the way your partner touches you. It doesn’t bug you that they want to spend so much time with you or asks you questions about your day. You are most always happy to be with them and their attentions don’t cause you any aggravation.

Do you find that your partner bugs you in a way that feels uncomfortable to you? Do you wish you were more receptive to their attentions? If the answer is yes, you might not love them as much as they love you.

#4 – You aren’t always questioning the relationship.

One answer to how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you has to do with how much time do you spend questioning the relationship.

Do you think that you want to be in this relationship but just aren’t sure? Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person? Do you spend time thinking about other people instead? Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not?

People who love someone else as much as they love them don’t constantly question the relationship. They are secure in the fact the love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one.

#5 – Your attention doesn’t wander.

Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them?

Do your friends introduce you to other people who they think might be better for you?

If either of these things are the case, your feelings for your partner might not be equal to theirs. People who are in love with their partner don’t go seeking other potential mates. People whose love is equal with their partner’s, who enjoy spending time with them, enjoy their physical touch and aren’t questioning things don’t look at other people as potential mates.

What about you? Do your eyes wander?

So, how do you know if you love someone as much as they love you?

It seems like a difficult question to answer but really the signs are clear.

If you have that ‘heart skip’ kind of feeling when you see your person, if the things you do for each other are basically balanced, if being with them doesn’t annoy you and you aren’t always questioning the relationship then chances are good your love for each other is balanced.

So, now that you have a sense of how you feel, it’s on you to run with it.

If things are balanced, yay!

If they aren’t, you have a choice to make – will you continue to stay with this person, trying to see if you can make it work, potentially wasting both of your times, or are you going to let this person go so that both of you can find the person you are meant to be with?

Good luck! You can do it!

Are you struggling with wondering if you love someone as much as they love you?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time wondering!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

How to Let Go of Toxic People Who Are Holding You Back

Are you wondering how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back?

Do you know that some people in your life just aren’t good for you but you are finding it difficult to let them go?

Fortunately, there are ways to let go of toxic people but first let’s examine why it’s hard to let go of one.

For many people, staying in a toxic relationship is better than being alone.

We often don’t feel so good about ourselves and the other person feeds our feelings of insecurity with their toxicity.

Sometime we feel like we think we are the only person who can help/fix this other person so we are hesitant to step away from them, even if they are sucking us dry.

And, finally, we are often stuck in patterns with these people, patterns that we are incapable of breaking for a variety of reasons.

Now do you see how letting go of toxic people can be very difficult? Understanding the ‘why’ can often make the ‘how’ easier.

#1 – Make a decision – and stick to it!

Before you begin any life changing process you must ask yourself how determined you are to actually do it. On a scale of 1-10 how close to a 10 are you? Because without steadfast determination you will not be able to accomplish something as challenging as letting go of a toxic person in your life.

So, are you ready to do this? Is there any part of you that is holding on to the possibility that things could work out? Do you feel like you aren’t strong enough to do this yet?

If the answer to any of these questions is a yes, then perhaps you should wait a bit longer before you begin this process. Time is a great healer and with some time you will get stronger and be ready to take on this challenging task.

Either way, ask yourself some tough questions about this relationship and make a conscious decision to stay or go. Doing so, making a purposeful move, will help you start respecting and loving yourself again which is a key part of letting go of toxic people and moving on.

#2 – Take inventory.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients when they ask how to let go of toxic people is to make a list – a list of all of the reasons that they need to walk away from that person.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that is making you walk away from this person. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward.

#3 – Disappear.

I know that we all think that we need “closure” at the end of any relationship, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.

I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you care about. Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other why couldn’t you make it work as a couple or as friends?

So, when you have decided to let of of a toxic person is over, cut him or her off from any contact with you. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.

Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits.

Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your person. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.

So, cut off all contact right away. Don’t let them have access to you in any way. It will make the process way easier!

#4 – Choose love.

For many of us, being in a toxic relationship can mean that we have disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘before.’ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women, to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

Also, make an effort to spend time with your family if they provide love and support. Nothing can help you replace the empty space left by your toxic person then those who love you more than anyone else in the world.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

#5 – Live.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

When a client of mine left her toxic boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn’t done because she was in a relationship.

Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to learn Italian and spend some traveling in Italy. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said, Why the hell not?

So, my client downloaded a language app and set out making plans to travel to Italy in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.

The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it.  You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!

Knowing how to let go of toxic people who are holding you back takes awareness and determination.

We are so scared of being alone or making someone else unhappy that we often sacrifice our own health and well being. It’s important to stop that NOW.

Take stock of your determination to get out of the relationship, take stock of why, disappear completely, reach out to others and live your life.

Life is too short to surround yourself with toxic people. Choose yourself for once and get on with living your best life!

Are you struggling with a toxic person in your life?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your life gets completely derailed!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How to be Assertive in Relationships

Are you wondering how to be assertive in relationships? Is yours struggling and are you worried that your lack of assertiveness may  be part of the problem?

I have built a business around helping people who are struggling in relationships. Unfortunately, there are many people struggling because relationships are really, really hard.

More than any other reason, I believe lack of assertiveness as the basis of many relationship issues, for both men and women.

Most women aren’t naturally assertive – we tend to sit back and follow other people’s lead and be happy enough with the outcome.

Men often lack assertiveness because they want to keep the peace but, in the end, they are left bitterly unhappy.

Fortunately, many of us have learned the skill of assertiveness in relationships and we have figure out the best things to do.

So, let me share with you my secrets about how to be assertive in relationships.

#1 – Have self-awareness.

People who are assertive in relationship are people who know themselves and they know what they want in a relationship.

I know when I was married, I knew I was unhappy but I didn’t know why. When we went to marriage counseling there was always discussion around the nebulous cloud that was my unhappiness but we never attacked it directly because I couldn’t define what it was.

Since I have become more self-aware, I have realized what happiness means to me – to be noticed, to be heard, to be valued, to be seen. When those things happen, I feel loved and I am happy.

If you aren’t self aware, take some time to develop that personality trait. Take stock of what is important to you in a relationship so that you know what to ask for when the time comes.

#2 – Be self-confident.

People who are assertive in relationships are very often self-confident.

Why? Because to be able to ask for what you want in a relationship, you have to believe in yourself, in your self-worth.

I know many people who are self-aware, who know what they want in a relationship, but who don’t ask for it because they don’t believe themselves to be worthy. And if you don’t ask, you don’t get.

Taking stock of why you are worthy, in the world and in love, will get you a long way towards being assertive in a relationship and getting you the love that you seek.

#3 – Communicate clearly.

So, let’s say you know what you want and you believe that you are worthy of getting it but you have no freaking idea of how to ask for it.

You are there, sitting across from your person, having a heart to heart and when the time comes to ask for what you want you just can’t find the words. And if you don’t have the words to ask for what you want, how are you going to get it?

Are you a good communicator? If you are, great! If you aren’t, find a friend, or a life coach, and have them work with you to find the words to ask for what you want. It’s not as hard as it seems – it’s a skill that needs to be cultivated, just like any other.

#4 – Use your intuition.

My husband used to say that he would never be able to have an affair because my Spidey-sense would just know. I used to laugh but I know that it’s true – it was hard for him to get away with anything, good or bad, because my intuition was usually dead on.

People who have a strong intuition that they can rely on are usually excellent at being assertive in relationships. Why? Because people who are intuitive trust their gut. They trust that they know what they want and believe that their instincts around others are dead on.

By having faith in oneself, and one’s perceptions of others, it is easy to speak up and ask for what you want because you truly believe.

If you don’t already, listen when your gut tells you something. If you have a ‘feeling’ that something is off, trust that feeling. Don’t rationalize it away. Speak up!

#5 – Be resolute.

Being assertive in relationships is simply impossible without being resolute.

Do you know that person, perhaps you see her in the mirror, who just can’t make up her mind?

She knows that she wants something but she can’t quite put her finger on what it is. As a result, when she tries to ask for what she wants she fails because there is no conviction behind her words.

How does one cultivate the personality trait of being resolute? Start small. Choose one thing that is important to you and do it, no matter what. Set your intention and don’t let anything get in your way.

Once you see the power of what happens if you set your mind to something you will want to practice it in all areas of your life.

Learning how to be assertive in relationships is very important and can be a challenge but one worth meeting.

In this crazy world, we need to identify what it is we want, we need to believe that we are worthy, we need to be able to speak to what those things are, we need to trust our gut and we need to be resolute in making it happen.

Don’t spend your life and love allowing things to just happen, hoping for the best. Decide what you want in a relationship and go for it! NOW!

Are you struggling with being assertive in relationships?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before your relationship falls apart!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

How to Know When to End a Relationship That is Making You Miserable

Are you wondering how to end a relationship because you are in one right now that is making you miserable?  Are you scared about what’s next and wondering how to know when to end a relationship because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?

Let me help you.

Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do.  Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that’s hard to let go of.

So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it’s time to end your relationship and move on.

#1 – Do you guys still have fun?

The first question to ask yourself is do you and your guy still have fun together?

I know that you did in the beginning. You would stay up late at night talking about things, you would go on grand adventures and enjoy just being together and laughing.

Do you still do that regularly? Perhaps the intial excitement has tapered off some but do you still enjoy each other’s company? Does your heart skip a beat when he walks into the room. Do you choose time with each other, more often than not, over time with others?

If the fun is gone from your relationship then it might be time to get out. Once problems start we always hope that we can get to that exciting beginning place but if the fun and enjoyment is gone, it’s hard to replace it.

#2 – Is he giving you mixed messages?

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Do some days he seem like his loving self and then others is he crabby and distant and no fun to be with?

Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn’t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

#3 – Does he have nothing to give you?

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends?  Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.

Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don’t notice how little of it still exists.

They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren’t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don’t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it’s time to let him go.

#4 – Does history keeps repeating itself.

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you? Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Are you stuck in a cycle of misery?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it’s time to let go.

#5 – Are you staying for the wrong reasons?

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way then it’s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won’t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn’t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.

I am guessing that, if you are reading this article, you are wondering how to know when to end a relationship because you suspect, deep down, that yours isn’t the one for you.

But it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it’s time to let go of a lost love.

Do you guys still have fun? Is he treating you well and consisently? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.

You CAN do this!

Are you struggling with how to know when to end a relationship
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Tell Someone You Love Them — Without Words

Sure, it’s easy to use tell someone you love them but have you ever considered how to tell someone you love them without words?

Are you in love? Isn’t it wonderful? Every day you share with your person is a new and wonderful day. You hope that you feel like this forever.

It is important that you tell your someone you love them but it’s also important to put actions behind your words so that your person not only hears that you love them but feels it!

So, how to tell someone you love them without words? Let me explain.

# 1- Love them as they want to be loved.

I truly believe that one of the best tools in a successful relationship is Gary Chapman’s 5 Love Languages.

He has devoted his website and his book to his theory that there are five love languages, five ways that people express and receive love.

The languages are: Quality Time, Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service and Giving of Gifts.

For each person one of those things is the thing that makes them feel the most loved when they are done unto them. When a partner tries to love them using a different love language they don’t feel loved.

My love language is Quality Time – I feel loved when someone is truly present with me, listening to me, focusing on me. My ex-husbands’ love language was Physical Touch – he felt love when I was holding his hand, hugging him or, yep, that too.

Unfortunately, the language that we spoke best with each other was Acts of Service – we did things for each other, like changing the oil in the car or going to the grocery store. Stuff got done but neither of us felt loved.

Check out the 5 Love Language at www.5lovelanguages.com. There you will find a short quiz that you and your partner can both take and you can start loving each other in a way that will work.

#2 – Take care of them but let them return the favor.

Everyone enjoys taking care of someone but many of us are really bad at letting people take care of us.

One of the best answers to the question of how to tell someone that you love them without words is to let them take care of you.

Think about how good it feels when you do something nice for someone. How it connects you to that person and makes you feel good about yourself.

Imagine how good it would feel for your partner to do something for you. So, let him! Even if you can do it for yourself, let him do it. Let him feel good about helping you. It is an excellent way to show someone you love them – to let them show you the same.

#3 – Hear them.

For women, an important part of being loved is feeling connected. Men often don’t understand what that means, to be connected, for a women.

I have a client who wants his girlfriend to know that he loves her. He thinks that the best way to do that is by making sure they have good memories. So, he arranges trips and dinners and other expensive things, hoping to create wonderful memories.

His girlfriend has expressed her dismay that he is spending so much money on her and he brushed it off, telling her that she was worth it. She wasn’t happy.

I suggested that he tell her that he recognizes and respects her concerns and that he has arranged some free things that they can do together to build memories. She was happy.

For women, being seen, heard, understood and acknowledged is an important part of feeling loved.

#4 – Share their passions.

I have a client whose boyfriend LOVES working on cars. LOVES it.  He worked on cars with his father and he does so now with his son and he would rather work on cars then just about anything.

This love was driving my client crazy because he wanted to spend time with her but also wanted to work on his car. So, I suggested a compromise.

I suggested that she try to get interested in some aspects of his car work and learn from him so that she could spend time with him. In exchange, he would be willing to spend some time with her, doing things other than car work.

By supporting your partner’s passions you are letting them know that you respect and love who they are as a person. And sulking in a corner because you don’t like what he is doing isn’t going to buy you any love at all.

#5 – Support them always.

I know it has happened to all of us that our partner comes up with some pie-in-the sky idea that is the new driving force in their lives. It’s exciting and new and all they want to talk about.

And I am sure it has happened to all of us that we think our partner’s new idea is crazy.

I remember in college my soccer-playing, skiing, manly-man of a boyfriend turned to me after a dance performance and announced that he wanted to be a dancer. I actually laughed in his face. This was 30 years ago and I still remember the hurt look in his eyes. He never became a dancer.

To this day I wish I had supported him. That’s what people who love each other do for each other. He might never had become a dancer but having the person who loved him believe in him would have been such a gift. Even better would have not being on the receiving end of my derision.

So, support them. No matter what.

#6 –  Don’t be critical.

You know how you feel when you go to visit your in-laws and your mother-in-law makes some passive aggressive, disparaging comment about something you did. You know how shitty that makes you feel?  And you don’t even really like your mother-in-law.

Imagine what your partner, who loves you, must feel like when you are critical of them.

I have a client whose wife gives him the one over every time they are headed out the door. She tells him if his hair is out of place or if his shirt is right or if he is carrying the right bag for the task ahead. And while she is quick to say Your pants have a hole in them, she never says You are perfect today, honey. Thank you.

My client at first tried to anticipate what his wife might want but as time went on he only felt resentment towards her criticism. He actually started not only making choices that he knew would antagonize her but he ignored whatever she mentioned at the door.

So, be careful not to be critical. If you have something to say, say it with love. And if it doesn’t need to be said, don’t say it. Life will go on if his hair isn’t just right.

#7 – Don’t take things personally.

There is nothing more insidious in a relationship than not forgiving someone for a wrong. And for some reason couples who love each other are really, really good at not forgiving each other. If someone does something wrong nothing they can do will make up for that wrong. And that wrong will be played out verbally, over and over, forever.

People are only human. We do things that hurt people. Rarely do we do things to hurt someone on purpose. And yet, in relationships, we often take the thing that someone does to us so personally that we refuse to believe that they didn’t set out to hurt us. And that is unforgivable.

I have a client whose partner was so late getting home one night that he missed a date they had planned. He was delayed at work and then got stuck in traffic and it was a disaster. She took it personally. If you loved me, she said, you would have gotten home on time. And she truly believed what she said.

The reality is is that he DOES love her.  He just didn’t allow enough time. And he blew it, but he does love her. And it’s important for her to understand that. And it makes it easier to forgive. He was late. He didn’t plan well. He blew it. And he does love her.

Of course, another piece of forgiveness is that the wrong-doer must apologize for the hurt caused. Because therein lies the issue that will carry forth forever – the hurt. Not so much the actions but the resulting feelings.

So, don’t take things personally. And apologize for the hurt. Forgive and move on.

#8 – Never show contempt.

If there is one thing that kills love, it’s contempt. Do anything that you can to keep it out of your relationship.

Contempt seems to rear its ugly head when wrongs fester, when people don’t forgive, when being critical is the norm and respect is lost.  Contempt manifests itself with derisive comments about your partner, comments about who they are as a person.

My ex-husband had a really hard time getting things done around the house. I told him, over and over, that if he was my employee I would fire him. And I wouldn’t say it in a loving way. I would say it dismissively, almost with a wave of my hand. I can only imagine how it must have felt to be on the receiving end of my contempt.

Therapists say that when they see contempt in a relationship they know that it’s close to over. So, if you find yourself acting contemptuously STOP, assess and figure out what needs to be done.

Don’t let contempt kill love. Because it will.

If you are wondering how to tell someone you love them without words, there are many ways to do so. 

You hug them and kiss them and have sex with them and tell them that they are wonderful and hang out with their friends and visit their mother. All of those things are an excellent way to show you someone you love them.

But they will have a hard time accepting your love if you aren’t willing to forgive them, if you can’t support them and are constantly critical of them. Back up your kisses with words and actions and they will know that you are the one for them.

If you have read this far you must really love someone and want them to know.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!