Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?

Are you newly married and are you wondering why are boundaries important in marriage?

Do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage. Let me help you!

To understand healthy marriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together.  They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it’s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy marriage.

#1 – Be yourself always.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all people stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy marriage requires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity and be flexible.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn’t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase “My way or the highway?” That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other’s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage’s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Know that time apart is okay.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Wondering why are boundaries important in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Marriages are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don’t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before problems start!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘now just friends’ or they don’t ‘see’ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn’t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren’t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn’t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.  You will need to understand each other’s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn’t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can’t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it’s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn’t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren’t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you’ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

21 ‘How To Let Go Of Love’ Quotes That Will Help You Move On

Sharing how to let go of love quotes is one of my favorite things to do as a relationship coach.

I have written countless articles about how to know when to let go of love, how to do it and what to do next. I counsel women every day and support them through this tumultuous time.

Today, I was going to write another article but instead decided to share the wisdom of others. I truly believe that sharing in the experience of others with a broken heart is one of the best ways for us to heal.

Every day thousands of people, like you, have their hearts broken. And, every day, broken hearts are healed and life goes on. Hearing the words of others, and listening to their stories, can help you let go of love and move forward in life.

So, let’s begin.


Every time I think about you, I have to remind myself that if you wanted to talk to me, you would. – Anon


Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself. Deborah Reber


Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destinySteve Maraboli


Accept yourself, love yourself, and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you downRoy T. Bennett


Sometimes it takes a heartbreak to shake us awake and help us see we are worth so much more than we’re settling forMandy Hale


Today expect something good to happen to you no matter what occurred yesterday. Realize the past no longer holds you captive. It can only continue to hurt you if you hold on to it. Let the past go. A simply abundant world awaits. Sarah Ban Breathnach


The truth was, he now belonged only to my past, and it was time I begin to accept it, as much as it hurt to do soTammara Webber


I loved with every inch of my being, but I realized one day if loving him meant losing me then loving him was not enough any anymore. Nikki Rowe


The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leavingElizabeth Gilbert


Holding on is believing that there’s a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future. Daphne Rose Kingma


I think that you never fall out of love with somebody; you just let go and move on. Ashley Rickards


The most difficult aspect of moving on is accepting that the other person already did. Faraaz Kazi


You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.  Guy Finley


Letting go does not mean you stop caring. It means you stop trying to force others to.  Mandy Hale


It’s not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential.  Bruce Lee    


Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose. Lyndon B. Johnson


If you’re going through hell, keep goingWinston Churchill


Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over. Nicole Sobon


Sometimes you have to take a step back to move forwardErika Taylor


It hurts to let go, but sometimes it hurts more to hold on. Anon


Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get over it. Justin Timberlake

Learning how to let go of love is something that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy because the pain is truly like none other.

How to let go of love quotes can really help when you need it most.

Remember, in the words of Coco Ginger – ‘When we are in love, we are convinced nobody else will do. But as time goes, others do do, and often do do, much much better.’

If you are letting go of love, know that this is not your last love but that letting go of this one opens the door for a new, better, love to come in.

I promise.

If you’ve made it this far you must really be struggling with how to let go of love.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Letting Go Of Love With Love For Yourself

Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?

Has all the reading that you’ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you’ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?

It’s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.

So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?

#1 – Do things that comfort you.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.

That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.

Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.

A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There’s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.

#3 – Spend time with those who love you.

When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.

Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.

A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.

Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.

Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.

So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that’s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.

#4 – Accomplish something.

Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.

Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job

But I didn’t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.

Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn’t want to be with me was missing out.

What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it’s time to take that step. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.

#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.

Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.

I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.

My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I’m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.

I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.

Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.

It’s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON’T.

Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.

I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Reasons to be Happy if You Are Single on Valentine’s Day

Valentines Day is here! The day you have been waiting for all year. A day that is all about love and chocolate. Really what else does one need?

Except, oh yeah, you aren’t in a relationship this year so you are going to be single on Valentine’s Day and you are going to be the ONLY one without a date. Woe is you.

C’mon people! Valentine’s Day is a day to celebrate love. In all it’s forms. So let’s do it!

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine’s Day. Here are 5 of them.

#1 – The pressure is off.

I have a client who just yesterday was lamenting that Valentine’s Day was right around the corner. Every year she has such big expectations for the day and every year her husband lets her down completely. One year he split a dozen roses with a co-worker and brought them home. Really.

Did you know that post – Valentine’s Day is the #2 time of year for break ups (#1 is right after New Years when people think “I am not going to do one more holiday with this person.”) And the reason for Valentine’s break ups is because people feel let down, again.

This year, because you are single, you get to make whatever you want out of your Valentine’s Day. What do you want to do? Get a bunch of friends and drink tequila? Go to a sappy movie? Dance the night away? Binge watch Game of Thrones? Whatever you want. The sky is the limit. And it’s your choice.

And just imagine that, for once, Valentine’s Day will be everything that you want it to be because you are in charge.

#2 – Eat chocolate.

Let’s get right down to it. Valentine’s Day is particularly about the love of chocolate. And who doesn’t love chocolate? If there was ever a reason to be happy that you are single on Valentine’s Day is that you can have chocolate, as much as you want and all to yourself.

Word on the street is that dark chocolate is the best for you. It is very nutritious, is a great source of anti-oxidents, improves blood flow and lowers blood pressure and it helps balance your cholesterol.

Personally, I like milk chocolate which may not have the same qualities as dark but it makes me smile every time I eat it. Especially if there is caramel in the middle.

So, eat chocolate! On this day, eat as much as you want. It’s not like you are going to have to get naked in front of someone at the end of the day. Do it!

I personally have a bowl of chocolate pudding with my name on it in my fridge, waiting for me to indulge. Kind of exciting.

#3 – You can love that most important person. Yourself.

This is a tough one. It’s really hard to love ourselves much less put ourselves first on the list of those we love. But it’s very important that we do and Valentine’s Day is a great day to practice that.

I personally have a list of the things that I love about myself and that list is going to be front and center for me on Valentine’s Day.

I love that I am a direct and honest person, sometimes to a fault, but it is a thing that people say they appreciate about me. I love that I have so many friends who know they can rely on me to be there, anytime and anywhere. I love that I am funny and sarcastic and a fabulous flirt. I love how I feel walking down the street in my tight jeans and cowboy boots. I love the work I do with my clients. I love that I am 53 and rocking it.

There is a lot to love about me and damn if I am not going to recognize that on this day that is all about love.

And I am going to eat some chocolate to celebrate how awesome I am.

#4 – It’s a reminder that it’s time to make a move.

It’s so easy to just give up on our search for love. This modern world makes finding love difficult. We are all so busy and connected to our devices and it’s very hard to look up and see all of the people who are around us.

Now is the time to take stock of how important a relationship is to you. I know many of my clients say that they are just fine, that being alone is way better because they have their own lives. And this is true. If you are happy alone then you are very healthy.

But it’s okay to want to be in a relationship. It is not a sign of weakness. It is a sign that you are strong enough to define what you want and go out there and get it.

Try registering with a dating site. Join a Meet Up that will bring you together with like-minded people. Go to the park and smile at that cute guy who is walking past. Tell all your friends that they need to set you up with someone. Visualize that ideal partner in your head. Believe that you can get it.

Set a goal. Make a plan. Put yourself out there. Find love. You can do it!

#5 – Celebrate that love is all around you.

The first words in the movie “Love Actually,” spoken by Hugh Grant, are as follows:

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there – fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge – they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.

Those words give me shivers every time.

Look around. Look at the love that is all around you every day.

For me, every night I look at the moon and I think of the people that I love who are looking at that very same moon. I can feel the love and I am thankful. The world is big and love is everywhere.

Valentine’s Day might at times seem like a Hallmark & Hershey holiday but really what does it matter because it is an excuse to celebrate love.

There are many reasons to be happy if you are single on Valentine’s Day. So, don’t waste the day. Take a look around and notice the people, places and things you love. Don’t forget to look in the mirror too.

Because love is all around us. How lucky are we?


If you’ve made it this far you must really be struggling with being alone this Valentine’s Day.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Helpful Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Marriage

Have you just walked down the aisle with the most amazing person and are you now looking for helpful tips for setting boundaries in your marriage?

Good for you for being proactive and let me help!

Healthy boundaries are very important in any healthy marriage. But what are boundaries, exactly?

To understand healthy relationship boundaries, look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together.  They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy marriage, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors and they are essential and appropriate for every relationship, whether it be new and exciting or more settled and safe, like marriage.

Now that you know what boundaries are let’s talk about how to get them.

#1 – Look at individual needs.

The best place to start when setting boundaries in your marriage is for each of you to look at your own individual needs. A key part of identifying potential boundaries is for each of you to see what is important for your own individual happiness.

I know, in my relationship, what is important to me is that I have quality time with my partner every day. I also know that I want to be given the freedom to pursue my hobbies and my interests, I want to have openness and transparency in our communication and I want to be treated with respect.

Knowing what I need in my marriage allows me to understand what the composition of my boundary walls should be. If I didn’t do that consideration, and figure out what is important to me, then I might have built those walls out of things that weren’t strong enough to frame my marriage and that might cause those walls to fail.

So, both of you, take some time and identify what is important to you as an individual in your marriage.

#2 – Compare lists.

Once you have each individually defined your needs it is time for you to share those needs with your partner.

I took my list to my partner and I was not surprised to learn that our two lists overlapped. It was very important to him that he have time to spend pursuing his hobbies, mainly skiing and woodworking. It was also important to him that he spends time with his mother, that we don’t yell at each other when angry and that we not to be rigid in our boundaries.

It was good for us to compare our lists because by doing so we had a conversation about what was important for each of us, raising awareness that we could use for creating boundaries and, as we go forward, living our life together.

I know, with my ex-husband, we never did this. We just entered into married life with no thought as to what it would look like and, within a few years, we were both drowning, confused and at a loss as to what was going wrong.

#3 – Set priorities.

Once you have merged your lists, it’s important that you set priorities. Sometimes it’s impossible to accommodate every one of each other’s needs but it’s important that everybody’s most important needs are met.

For me, my most important needs were face-to-face, regular quality time and being honest with each other. For my partner, it was important to him that he could spend time on his own and that yelling at each other would be taboo.

Of course, the other things, like his mother and my need for effective communication, are important and part of our definition of our boundaries but we both expressed what were deal breakers in the composition of our boundary walls. We knew that these priorities would be respected and, if they were, our marriage would be stronger.

#4 – Define success.

A very important thing to do, once you have defined your boundaries and set your priorities, is to write down what success would look like. Specifically.

For me, regular face-to-face quality time meant that for at least 15 minutes every night we put down our phones and our computers and turn away from the television and look each other in the eye and talk to each other. For my partner, being able to ski two weekends a month and working in his woodshop on Sunday mornings would be important to him.

It is essential that each of you understand specifically what the other sees as success. For many of us, we just guess at what our partner wants from us and, because of that, sometimes we fail.

So, be as specific with each other as you can. Set yourselves up for success.

#5 – Put it in writing.

The final step for setting boundaries in your marriage is to write it all down.

Conversations are great but putting what you discussed in writing allows you both to more clearly see, and remember, the boundaries that you have established. You can refer to them when you’re questioning what they might be and trying to remember what they look like specifically.

So, write them down and keep them some place where you both have easy access. As your marriage moves on through the months and years, you should regularly revisit the boundaries that you have set, updating them as necessary and re-familiarizing yourself with what they look like.

There is nothing better than writing things down to keep us accountable and familiar.

Setting boundaries in your marriage is an essential part of setting yourself up for success.

Marriages are long and they can be challenging and doing whatever work you can do ahead of time is key.

Work individually to define what you want, come together to see where you overlap and are different, set your priorities, define successes and write it all down.

Doing these things early in your marriage will help ensure a long, healthy, happy marriage, the kind you committed yourself to on the altar that day.

You can do it!


Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Why Your Guy Says He Doesn’t Love You But Keeps Coming Back

Do you have a guy who says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back?

Does he tell you that it’s over and walk out only to return a few days or weeks later, smiling and charming?

Is this happening over and over, leaving you confused and unhappy?

This tendency, to declare that you don’t love someone but to be unable to stay away, is known as yo-yoing. And, in spite of it’s playful name, yo-yoing can be devastating and confusing. 

Yo-yoing is when a person thinks that they no longer want to be with somebody, and they declare it, but have a hard time staying away. This leads the person on the other end not knowing what the hell is going on and being left in limbo.

So, why does your guy do this? Let me tell you.

#1 – He gets lonely.

It is the human condition to want to be part of a pair. Being alone is, for many of us, not a comfortable place.

If your guy tells you that he doesn’t love you and no longer wants to be with you but keeps coming back then it is possible that he is simply lonely.

He knows that he doesn’t want to be with you but, because he is unable to fill the space that is left in your absence, he keeps coming back so that he won’t be alone.

And you probably let him come back because you aren’t enjoying being alone either.

So, if your guy keeps coming back, it could very well be not because of you but because he doesn’t want to be alone.

#2 – He is insecure.

A guy who says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back is a guy who is most likely very insecure.

A guy who is insecure is not clear in his decisions. He says he doesn’t love you but he then wavers, wondering if he’s made the right choice. He could come back hoping that things could be different.. He is constantly second guessing himself and pulling you into it.

Guys who are secure are more definitive in their decisions and more apt to follow through on them. The guy who is secure will make his decision and move on.

Furthermore, a guy who keeps yo-yoing you could be a guy who feels insecure with his place in the world. Not being in a couple could make him feel unsafe and unwanted. The idea of trying to find another person to date might be just too overwhelming and, as a result, he comes back to you, hoping to make it work so that he can feel better about himself.

Is your guy insecure? If yes, that could be a big reason why he keeps coming back.

#3 – He wants to have sex.

This will be no surprise to any of you – guys want, no need, to have sex.

When your guy says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back he could very well be coming back just for the sex.

I have a client who wanted a divorce from his wife and he moved out. In spite of this, he regularly had sex with her. I asked him why and he said ‘Why would I not take any opportunity to have sex?’ This man is a good guy but he just didn’t understand that, for women, sex is about connection and having sex with her was signal that he might be coming back to her. Once he understood that having sex with her was leading her to believe they had a chance, he stopped doing so. He wasn’t happy to be going without sex but he knew that he didn’t want to lead her on.

So, when your guy reappears, does he do so for sex? Think about it.

#4 – He can’t break the habit of you.

One thing that’s very interesting about breakups is that one of the reason they are so difficult to stick to is because of the habits that we have created in our relationships.

By habits I mean those things that you do together regularly. Maybe it’s Wednesday night movies, or Saturday trips to museums or lunch time meetings at the sushi place. These are things do you guys enjoyed doing together. When you are no longer together, those spaces and time are left empty and might be difficult to fill.

So, if your guy keeps coming back, it might be because he can’t break those habits. Because they have been so ingrained in the fabric of his life that he doesn’t want to let them go.

#5 – He wants to work things out.

Of course, sometimes guys come back because they genuinely want to work things out. He generally wants to make a life with you. And when that happens, and you want to work things out too, I encourage you to greet him with open arms. And caution.

It is important, if your guy comes back because he wants to work things out, that you guys talk about what went wrong in your relationship. That you both completely understand any issues that might have developed over time and that you make a plan, together, to do things differently.

You can stop the yo-yoing by doing things differently. History repeats itself over and over until we take steps to make change. Take a good hard look at your relationship, see what went wrong and work together to make those things right.

You can do it.

When your guy says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back it can almost be worse than him disappearing altogether.

If your guy disappears from your life, it’s easier to get over him and to move on but if he keeps showing up at your door with his handsome face you’ll just get sucked back in and the pain will continue.

So, take a good look at what happens when your guy comes back. Is he doing it because he feels lonely or because he can’t break the habit or he because just wants to get laid? Is he feeling insecure about his place in the world and needs you to help him feel better about himself? Or perhaps he really genuinely wants to try to work it out.

Ask these questions before you open that door. Knowing the answers, and acting on them, could prevent a whole lot of pain.

If you are still reading you must have a guy who is yo-yoing you big time.

Let me help you figure it out, NOW, before he messes with you any more.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started.

5 Strategies For Surviving The Guilt Of Infidelity

Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you’re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving the guilt of infidelity.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they’re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That’s not to say the sex isn’t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Accept that you are human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can’t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don’t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It’s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes. 

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Recognize that it’s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn’t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren’t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you’ve tried to fix things but you haven’t had much success.

Most people don’t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn’t working and it wasn’t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault.’ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some help.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you’re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it’s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don’t go through this alone.

#4 – Stop fooling around.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won’t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That’s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It’s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn’t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all’s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving the guilt of infidelity might seem impossible but it doesn’t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it’s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

If you have read this far you must be really struggling with your guilt.

Let me help you, NOW, before it becomes just too much to bear.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started.

Why Does Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Hurt So Much?

Why, oh, why does letting go of someone who doesn’t love you hurt so much? Why do we struggle so much to accept that our relationship is over and to just move on?

A few years back I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t love me anymore. He told me over and over that this was the case and would break up with me but then we would reconnect for some reason, get back together and then start the process all over again. 

And then he left, left for good. For someone else. And I was devastated.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why couldn’t I just let go? I think I have figured it out and want to share with you what I have learned.

#1 – We believe that we are soulmates.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man is like none other? That you are soulmates? That the intense passion and connection that you share cannot compare with anyone else’s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it’s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

I read a quote once. “I am no expert on love but I am pretty sure that the guy making you cry everyday isn’t your soulmate” So true!

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of someone who doesn’t love you then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic. The kind of connection you long for.

#2 – We get stuck in the past.

If there is one thing that I hear over and over from clients who are trying to let go of love is that they are clinging to the memory of how it was in the beginning.

Remember the beginning? When you first met and things were wonderful. You couldn’t get enough of each other, would stay up all night talking, had great sex and promised each other that you would be together forever.

And then, over a period of time, things started to go wrong and those wonderful things that made you so happy slowly disappear. The reality of the relationship starts to show it’s face and, instead of seeing it for what it is, many people hold on to what was.

I wish we could just go back to the way we were in the beginningI hear all the time. But there is never any going back. Even healthy relationships aren’t the same as they were in the beginning. They just can’t be. The beginning is the beginning and that electricity is just not sustainable, whether it’s in a healthy relationship or an unhealthy one.

So, if you are holding on to how things were, know that how things ARE is most likely how things will be going forward. Understanding this might give you some clarity that letting go of someone who doesn’t love you might be your best option.

#3 – We are frightened of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one’s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘good enough’ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the ‘bird in hand’ that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. Not matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, that there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are holding on to this guy who doesn’t love because you believe that if you let him go you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won’t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#4 – We have low self-esteem.

I can’t tell you how many of my clients who have trouble letting go of someone who doesn’t love them have very low self-esteem.

They just don’t believe that they are worthy of being truly loved and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

For many of us, getting to the place where our person doesn’t love is back isn’t a quick one. It involves the initial stages of big love and romance and then slowly we slide down to a spot in which we are no longer loved. On the way we often give up a lot of ourselves trying to make things right and, when they don’t, we are left feeling worthless. And feel like if we are worthless then no one will love us again. And the truth is, if we are feeling worthless, we might not attract the kind of guy we want to attract.

For me, part of letting go of my guy was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#5 – We can’t break the pattern.

I can’t overemphasize enough how big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken.  Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can’t and how you just don’t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Does worrying about those things, breaking those patterns, paralyze you to the point that letting go of someone who doesn’t love you seems impossible?

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern.  Try it. See if you can stay away from your guy for 8 weeks. You can do it!

And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

Letting go of someone who doesn’t love you can be very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of someone who doesn’t love you is very important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who doesn’t think that you are amazing? Who doesn’t tell you and show you he loves you every day?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting away from the guy who didn’t love me was the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of someone who doesn’t love you is something that you can start doing right now!


If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from someone who doesn’t love you.

Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!


Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Things to Know About Marriage Before Your Wedding Day

Are you getting married? Congrats! And now you are looking for things to know about marriage. Good for you!

Marriage doesn’t come with a manual. I wish it did. Because after the vows have been said, the doves have been released and the dress has been put in dry storage, comes marriage.

And as much as we would like to believe it’s all happily ever after, it often isn’t.

But it CAN be. All you need is some awareness and a willingness to act.

#1 – Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

One of the most surprising things about many marriages is that after a while communication just stops.

Sure, there are lots of logistical stuff to discuss – when we are coming home for dinner, where the kids’ soccer games are, what time we are meeting the in-laws on Sunday.

But real communication, expressing of feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams and longings, often stop.

Marriage is a 24/7 commitment. During those days, and years, lots of issues can arise, issues that can be hurtful and cause resentment. Instead of being addressed immediately, feelings are often left unsaid.  It can just seem too scary to go there, to share how we feel and not know what the response will be. So we don’t.

And then, before we know it, it’s easier to just not say anything, to do the dishes or spend longer at the office, doing anything to avoid difficult conversations. We do this assuming that the issues will be dealt with eventually. Like after Christmas, after Memorial Day or when the kids go off to college.

If you only take one thing away from this article it’s this: keep communicating. Your marriage, and your life, will be better if you do.

#2 – Have lots of sex.

I know newlyweds will laugh now at the prospect of no longer having sex with their partner. “That won’t be us,” they say.

But it very well could be.

We know that anger and resentment can build in a marriage because of unexpressed feelings. For a woman, there is no better libido killer than anger and resentment. And there is no better way to create anger and resentment in a man than the absence of sex.

Intimacy is key to maintaining closeness in a marriage. Touching, kissing, feeling loved and having orgasms are all a big part of this. Marriage without sex is simply a business arrangement.

So push past the anger and resentment and make love with your partner. Or, better yet, kill the anger and resentment with communication and happily make love every night.

You will be happy you did, both in the moment and long term.

#3 – Remember to respect each other.

There is a concept called the “contempt of the familiar.” This contempt occurs when people get to know each other very well. Too well perhaps. We know how the other person looks when flossing their teeth, how they leave their pants hanging on the door, how they slurp their coffee or that they fart in bed.

Perhaps at one time you thought these things cute but now, as time has gone by, they drive you nuts. They might even repel you.

Mutual respect is a key to any successful marriage.  Your partner’s mannerisms or ways of doing things might not jive with your own and this can lead to developing a dislike of who they are. And if you don’t like someone it’s hard to respect them.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Tell your partner that something they are doing is making it difficult for you to be with them. Don’t just write them off as a lost cause, thinking “if they loved me they would do this differently.” We are all human beings trying to do the best that we can and if you are honest with yourself you know that they aren’t doing any of those things to spite you. They just do them. And can change if asked. Nicely.

Give your partner a chance to keep your respect and allow them to keep respecting you in return.

And sex is way better when you respect your partner. In case you didn’t know.

#4 – Don’t let your extended family get in the way of your new one.

No matter how old we are when we get married, we have many years of experience and tradition with our extended families. Holidays spent just so, toilet paper rolls that roll out on top instead of under, sarcasm that is part of every family get together.

The extended family is wonderful and part of who we are but the priority now is the new family. The one we are creating with our partner.

Of course it’s important to respect our family traditions but if doing so is at the expense of the new relationship it needs to be addressed. If the birthday tradition on one side is the whole family gathered and lots of gifts exchanged and the birthday tradition on the other side involves quietly celebrating with friends then a conversation needs to be had.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Both sides of the family need to be told, respectfully, that while all family traditions are important what is important now is how the new family wants to make their own traditions. Compromises might need to be made but it is important that both partners feel like their new life as a couple is their own.

#5 – Know that a baby is going to change everything.

I know! Having a baby is so exciting. From “starting to try,” to nine months of watching it grow, to baby showers and then childbirth (!!) it’s all so wonderful and new and partners are bound closer than ever.

One of the most important things to know about marriage is that when the baby is born and all bets are off.

Like when we get married, no one hands us a manual when we become parents. This means that from day one we are flying by the seat of our pants. Women most often immediately change their focus from their husband to their child. Men are left wondering what happened to their life. Yes, the child is delightful, but dinners together, time with friends, free time for athletics, are all suddenly gone. Not to mention the sex.

It’s important to be aware that the baby is going to change everything and prepare and allow for it. Know that everyone is going to be exhausted, that things are going to be messy, that the next 18 years are going to be an evolution, and a revolution, like you have never been through before.

Commit to making it through those years together. Communicate like you did when you were first married, perhaps even more so, have as much sex as you can squeeze into your week and continue to love and respect each other even as life gets challenging.

It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.

As you do with anything you haven’t done before, researching things to know about marriage before yours starts is very important!

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for 5. I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what went wrong in my marriage.

What I do know is that we, as a couple, got lost in our family. We gave up who WE were to please everyone else: our kids, our in-laws, our friends. We stopped looking at each other with love, talking about our feelings, hugging each other, respecting each other.

We were business partners. Our family was a successful business but our marriage fell apart.

I am madly in love with a new man now, one I very much hope to marry. And believe me, I won’t make the same mistakes twice.

Marriage is truly a wondrous thing and can be a big part of living the life of your dreams.

So do what I suggest. And don’t ever stop.

If you are still reading your must be getting married and are eager to know what you are getting into.

Good for you! Let me help, NOW, before you walk down the aisle.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or contact me here, and let’s get started.