I am guessing that you are reading this article because you believe that your boyfriend might be cheating.
I am guessing that you are feeling pretty devastated and that you aren’t thinking clearly around what might be going on.
I am guessing that you could use some help figuring it all out.
It’s so hard to wrap your head around the fact that your boyfriend might be cheating. After all, you love him, you have shared experiences, you have hopes for the future. How could he put all of those things in jeopardy by stepping out on you?
Let me give you some clarity by sharing some examples of signs that your boyfriend might be cheating, examples that might help clear your cloudy mind and help you decide next steps.
Here are 7 surprising signs that your boyfriend might be cheating.
#1 – He isn’t where he says he will be.
I know that this one might not be so surprising but it belongs on any list of signs that your boyfriend might be cheating.
A client of mine was home sick and her boyfriend said that he was going to lunch with his friends. She wanted him to bring home some medicine so she reached out to him to ask him to do so. When she couldn’t reach him, she texted his friend, the friend who was not actually having lunch with him.
So, where was he? My client had no idea and it definitely planted some doubt in her mind.
And, yep, she learned, down the line, he was cheating.
Do you generally know where your boyfriend is and what he is doing? Not every minute of every day but do you feel confident that he isn’t lying to you? If not, your guy might just be cheating.
#2 – His sex drive has changed.
Many men who are having an affair have a reduced sex drive. Why? Because they are getting their sexual needs met elsewhere. Not only are their needs being met elsewhere but, after sex with someone else, they have little left to give their partner.
As a result, people who are being cheated on are also being denied sex for themselves.
Interestingly, when someone’s boyfriend might be cheating, this lack of interest in sex can follow a period of increased interest in sex. This can be caused by an unconsummated affair, where sexual tension is heightened but no action has yet been taken. In other words, he needs an outlet for the desire he is feeling for this new person and his partner is there for that!
Has your boyfriend’s sex drive changed? Are you noticing that he wants more or less sex than he has in the past? If yes, it just might be possible that your boyfriend is having an affair!
#3 – He is impatient with you.
People who are having an affair are feeling GUILTY. They know that what they are doing is wrong, on so many levels. And how might that guilt show up? As anger towards their partner.
This impatience is classic projection. Instead of being impatient and angry with themselves, they project their feelings onto their partner. They project their feelings onto the person who they are cheating on, justifying to themselves, in some way, their affair.
If they are feeling impatient and frustrated by their partners, it’s easier for cheaters to detach themselves from them and move forward with fooling around.
So, pay attention to your partners moods. Are they different than they were before? Is he impatient with you in a way that he hasn’t been before? Is he quick to anger and blame around any random issue? Is he not the man who you fell in love with?
If yes, he just might be stepping out on you.
#4 – He questions whether you are fooling around.
Many men who are having an affair accuse their partner of having one as well. Why? Two things.
The first is that the cheater believes that, if he can cheat, anyone can cheat. And so why wouldn’t his partner cheat on him? On some level, he might actually believe that his partner is truly cheating on him and he feels that his accusations are justified.
The second is that guilt I referred to above. The cheater feels guilty for what they are doing and, if they accuse their partner of cheating, it not only makes them feel better about themselves, it also can serve to deflect any conversations that might be happening about their potential infidelity and focus it elsewhere – on their partner.
Is your boyfriend accusing you of cheating, for no reason? If yes, your boyfriend might be cheating and it might be time to walk away.
#5 – He can’t answer simple questions.
My client told me that her boyfriend had changed. That, for most of their relationship, they had been able to talk about anything and everything, whether it be chores or emotions or their social life. Now, out of nowhere, he can’t and won’t talk about anything.
When she brings up why he didn’t do something he said he would do, he barks at her. When she asks him why he is home late, he storms out of the room. When she asks him how lunch was with his friend, he says fine and volunteers nothing more.
She says that she feels like she is alone in the relationship, that when she tries to talk to him, she either gets met with anger or silence. And it hurts, big time.
Why might your guy be unable to answer questions if they are cheating?
Again, it might be the guilt that they are feeling around their affair. It also might be because of their need to protect the lies that they are telling around their affair. After all, lying isn’t easy and, the more vague you are with your partner, the easier it will be to cover your tracks.
#6 – He wants to stay home.
Does your guy want to stay home more often then he used to?
Instead of being excited to hang out with friends or go to the movies or to the local bar, does your boyfriend want to order in and watch Netflix?
If the answer to this question is yes, then it is possible that your boyfriend might be cheating on you.
Why? Because he is worried that, if you go out, you might run into the person he is having an affair with, or somehow find out, and that could blow the whole thing up. And that idea scares the shit out of him!
So, are you finding that you are binging ‘Stranger Things’ more than usual? If yes, it just might be because your boyfriend is cheating and scared to leave the house with you.
#7 – His friends are avoiding you.
This is a big one.
Guys are horrible at keeping secrets and the last thing in the world that they want to do is risk letting you know that their friend is cheating.
So, what do they do? They avoid you. They go out of their way to not be there when you are around and, if you are, they will make sure that they have as little contact with you as possible.
They don’t want to be the one who spills the beans about this relationship and have to deal with the aftermath.
Think hard. Are your boyfriend’s friends avoiding you? Are they not treating you the way they always have? Are they trying to keep their distance when you are in the same place? Do you wonder if they might be keeping something from you? If yes, then your boyfriend just might be fooling around.
Suspecting that your boyfriend might be cheating is a horrible thing.
There might not be anything worse (except for maybe KNOWING that they are).
Unfortunately, when presented with the possibility, it’s hard to determine what is real and what isn’t. That’s where my list comes in. Read it carefully and see if anything there applies to your relationship.
Is your boyfriend being secretive or vague? Are his friends being the same? Have his behaviors, his sex drive or his communication skills changed? Is he impatient with you or does accuse you of cheating? Do you stay home much more than you used to?
Of course, all of these things might not be signs that your person is cheating on you but, if for some reason you suspect he might be, these signs might help you confirm whether he is or not.