15 Mindset Changes That Will Help You Stop Being Jealous In a Relationship
Every day, people reach out to me, asking me how you stop being jealous in a relationship.
After all, no one wants to feel this way jealousy makes us feel insecure and unsure of ourselves and our relationship.
I wish being jealous was something that we could just let go of but doing so is often more difficult then we think.
After all, there is nothing that we can do about the ex they will always be there, lurking in the background. And there are other people in the world and our partners will interact with them, whether we want them to or not.
I do believe that the way to stop being jealous in a relationship is by changing the way that you think about the ex or other people. After all, you can’t change anyone else’s behavior but you can change your own.
To that end, here are 15 mindset changes that will help you stop being jealous in a relationship.
#1 – Tell yourself: He is with me now, not his ex.
This is the reality. You are the one that he chose. You are the one who has him on your arm, whose bed you share, who spends holidays with your family. The ex is in the past, and the past is the past.
#2 – Tell yourself: They are his ex for a reason.
The ex is your partner’s ex for a reason. Whether they did the breaking up or were broken up with, the relationship between your partner and their ex just didn’t work out and wasn’t working to the extent that they broke up.
#3 – Tell yourself: I am awesome.
Whether you are jealous of an ex or of the fact that your person interacts with others, it’s essential that you remember that you are awesome. That your person chose you, and has stayed with you, for a reason. That, outside of this relationship, you have an impact on the world and always will, whether you are in the relationship or not.
#4 – Ask yourself: how is this jealousy making you feel?
I am guessing that feeling jealous all of the time is making you feel bad about yourself? Instead of relishing your life and your relationship, you are constantly on edge, wondering who your person is talking to. Maybe recognizing the negative effects of this behavior will help you change your mindset and see joy instead.
#5 – Stop obsessing.
This is key. STOP spending all of your time obsessing about your jealousy. Instead of thinking about the fact that they flirted with someone else, think about the fact that they told you they loved you this morning or how amazing the sex was last night. If you can break the obsessing thoughts, you will be better able to manage your mindset and stop being jealous in a relationship.
#6 – Stop hiding it.
It is essential that you share with your partner when you are feeling jealous. Don’t do it in an attacking way – “You are an asshole because you talked to that girl in the bar†but rather “It makes me feel sad/jealous/unsure when you talk to other girls.â€
#7 – Share with a friend.
Sometimes, if you share your concerns with a friend, they can help you shed some light on why you are feeling jealous and if they think that jealousy is warranted. And they can remind you, often if needed, that your jealousy might be unreasonable.
#8 – Be grateful for what you have.
For many of us, we take for granted what we have. So many people don’t have partners and would do anything to have one. You are one of the lucky ones – in a relationship – so don’t sabotage it. Recognize that you have been chosen and relish it!
#9 – Develop coping techniques.
What can you do to manage your jealousy? Instead of obsessing about it, what would work for you to deal with it when it rears its ugly head. Can you tell yourself that you are being silly, can you distract yourself with some TV, can you do something that makes you feel good about yourself? Whatever it is that helps you manage and get through these periods of jealousy, use it!
#10 – Explore if this is because of underlying issues.
According to Shannon Chavez, a licensed psychologist, “jealousy in a relationship can help bring underlying issues to the surface.†Why are you jealous? Understanding why is a key part of learning how to stop being jealous in a relationship. Is it because you are insecure? Is it because you have been cheated on? Is it because you believe that other people are on the hunt for your partner? Is it because you know they have cheated before? Ask yourself why – if you know, you can develop skills to face them.
#11 – Do things that make you feel good.
I know that, when I get jealous, I get out into the world and do something that makes me feel good about myself. I go for a long run to feel strong. I volunteer at an animal shelter. I spend time with friends. I dig into work. I do the things that I need to do to feel great in the world and to remind myself that I am just fine on my own.
#12 – Recognize the jealousy might be all in your head.
This is a tough pill to swallow but sometimes jealousy can be all in your head. In these days of social media, it’s easy to stalk to see if your partner is interacting with someone else but it’s also easy to find whatever information you need to justify your feelings, even if you are wrong.
#13 – Ask yourself: Are my needs being met?
Perhaps one of the reasons that you are feeling jealous is because your needs aren’t being met in the relationship. Maybe you feel like they aren’t as into you or that they don’t hug you enough or tell you how beautiful you are. And because your needs aren’t being met, it’s easy to look outside the relationship for the blame instead of looking at the truth of what’s really going on.
#14 – Write it out.
According to Katie Conibear, a mental health blogger, writing things out “helps you to view them from a new, healthier perspective.†If you are feeling jealous in your relations, get yourself a journal and write it out. Maybe seeing your thoughts on paper will help you push back on them or see them more clearly.
#15 – Establish realistic expectations.
There are other people in the world who your partner will interact with. There are exes that you can’t do anything about. Is it really possible for you to insist that your partner never speaks to another person of the opposite sex or that they stop following an ex on social media? Probably not. And if your expectations of them are too high, you won’t be able to control your jealousy and you might even lose the relationship.
Changing your mindset is an excellent way to stop being jealous in a relationship.
You can’t change someone else, but you can change how you react to their behavior. So, try these 15 things and see if they help you manage your jealousy and help you create and keep the relationship that you have always wanted.
If you find that you can’t change your mindset, I would encourage you to reach out to a therapist or life coach for help. It’s time to learn how to manage your tendency for jealousy so that it doesn’t destroy this relationship or another one down the road.
You can do it!
