Are you and your boyfriend absolutely miserable and yet, even so, he won’t let you break up with him?
Do you try repeatedly to walk out the door, or ask him to leave, only to have him refuse to leave or refuse to stay away?
Are you going crazy, trying to get out of this relationship and move on?
There are a few reasons why he won’t let you break up with him and understanding them might help you figure out a way to get rid of him for good!
#1 – He wants the power.
When you try to break up with your boyfriend, does he say ‘ You won’t be doing the leaving…I will.’ Does he refuse to respect your wants and needs because it’s all about him?
I have a client who has been having an affair for years and she wants, more than anything, to end it. Whenever she tries, he threatens her, swearing that he will be the only one who decides when they are over. And he usually walks out, only to reappear a few days or weeks later, like nothing had happened.
If your guy wants the power, I would encourage you to dig deep and get some power of your own. If he doesn’t want to leave, you leave, even if only for a few weeks. If he leaves and then tries to worm his way back in, don’t let him. And if you can’t be strong enough to keep him away, try making his life miserable. That just might do the trick.
You have power in this relationship, and in your life. Use it!
#2 – He wants someone to take care of him.
Every guy just wants to be taken care of. No matter how successful or independent they are, having someone tend to their needs is a key part of their happiness.
Imagine if you broke up with him – who would take care of him?
I have a client who took care of her man in a big way. She paid for the furniture for his apartment. She cooked and cleaned and walked the dogs. She was always there, waiting for him when he got home after work. She loved taking care of him, so she did.
As time went on, she felt like he was taking her for granted. He stopped coming home to spend time with her. When he was home, he was crabby. She continued to take care of him but was getting nothing in return. Soon, she decided that she was done.
Whenever she broached the subject of breaking up with him, he begged her to stay. He made promises that he would change, promises of love and forever. And so she stayed and continued to take care of him. And he went right back to taking her for granted.
Guys need someone to take care of them. One reason why he won’t let you break up with him is because he doesn’t want to lose his chief bottle washer.
So, what do you do? You stop taking care of him. That should do the trick.
#3 – He likes the sex.
We all know that men are very much driven by sex. That they think about it 24 hours a day and that they will do almost anything to have easy access to it whenever they can.
And that means you.
If you break up with him, he will no longer have access to the sex that he craves. Instead of coming home to you every night, he will have to make an effort to get some. And, while men love sex, making an effort to get it isn’t always an option.
Furthermore, sex that is the result of conflict, which is often ever-present when people are trying to break up, is really good sex. So why would he walk away from that now?
The cure for this issue – no more sex. Period.
#4 – He doesn’t want to have to date again.
Be honest – isn’t one reason why you have struggled to break up with him because you are wavering a bit? Does the idea of putting yourself back out there and having to date again make you almost wish that you could just stay and make the best of it?
I am guessing yes. And it’s the exact same for guys. Dating is a drag – why would he want to put himself through that, especially if you are taking care of him and having sex with him.
I would encourage you to stop making his home life so comfortable. Start going out with your friends and not sitting around waiting for him. Try to rebuild your single life so that when you are actually out, you are ready to hit the dating ground running!
#5 – He is embarrassed.
Many men are very prideful. To look good in the eyes of others, especially other men, is what drives him to succeed. If you want to break up with him, instead of the other way around, then he loses face.
I have a client whose boyfriend offered to let her break up with him but only if she continued to make appearances for Sunday night dinner at his folks’. He had been through a few relationships before and his brothers gave him a lot of grief about it. The idea of having to take more because his girlfriend had broken up with him filled him with dread. He didn’t want to face it.
Is your guy embarrassed that you are breaking up with him? Is he embarrassed that he has another failed relationship? Has his pride been damaged, big time?
If the answer is yes, I would encourage you to talk to your guy about how you can manage this break up in a way that won’t make him lose face. That way, he can walk away with his head held high, not embarrassed that things didn’t work out, again.
Knowing why he won’t let you break up with him is the key to understanding how you can do so.
He doesn’t want to let go because he wants you to take care of him and to have sex with him. He wants the power to do the breaking up or perhaps he is embarrassed that it’s even an issue. And he doesn’t want to have to date again.
Now that you know why he won’t let you break up with him, you can take the steps that you need to take, to take back your power, to stop giving without receiving and to make sure that dating again is more appealing than staying with you!
The only way that you are going to find the love and happiness that you desire is if you can get out of a relationship that isn’t serving you. I know that it’s easier said than done but you can do it!