Are you shocked that you are in this place – that you are looking for signs that your partner might be being unfaithful?
Does something in your gut tell you that things are off? Has your relationship been struggling lately? Do you feel like something has shifted?
Have these feelings made you wonder if your partner is having an affair?
There are definitely signs that your partner might be being unfaithful and knowing them might help you put some pieces together so that you can decide next steps. Here are five of them.
#1 – They are very distracted.
When your partner is at home, are they really there with you? When you talk about your day, do you feel like they are thinking about other things?
Do you find that they aren’t focusing on the TV when you are watching or paying attention to friends when you go out to dinner or playing with the kids as much as they used to?
If your partner is distracted, this might be a sign that they are having an affair.
For many people, affairs are all consuming and it makes it very, very difficult for them to be present in the moment.
I have a client whose husband was always very engaging at dinner. He would ask the kids questions, ask about her day, share funny stories from his day and generally make everybody laugh. Suddenly, all that changed. He would only nod when the kids spoke to him, ask no questions about anybody’s day, and would get up from the dinner table and wander away early.
Of course, being distracted itself doesn’t mean that he is having an affair – there are many reasons that one might be distracted – but it could be a piece of the puzzle about whether or not your partner is being unfaithful.
#2 – Their moods have changed.
For many people who are having an affair, their moods are greatly affected.
They can be consumed by guilt for what they are doing. They might be elated because of the sex hormones that are surging through their body. They could be angry if you question them for their behaviors. They could be sad because they know they’re doing the wrong thing.
Again, there are many reasons why your partner’s moods have changed and I would encourage you to watch them carefully and try to talk to them about it.
But, that being said, altered moods can definitely be a sign that your partner might be being unfaithful
#3 – They have changed how they look.
I have a client who I hadn’t spoken to in a couple of months. I took a video call with her one day and she looked completely different from the last time I had seen her.
She had always taken care of herself, but now her hair was blown dry, her make up carefully applied, her clothes obviously chosen with care and her overall demeanor was just sparkly. Something big had changed.
What I suspected, and what she soon told me was true, was it she was having an affair. She felt like she had come alive in a way she hadn’t been in a long time. She wanted to take care of herself and she wanted to look beautiful for her person. She felt like there was hope in her life again and it made her want to sparkle.
Of course, changing how one looks that doesn’t necessarily mean that one is having an affair but, taken in combination with other things, it might be a sign that your partner is having an affair.
#4 – They are being extra nice.
I have a friend who was having an affair. One day, she and her lover went to the beach and spent the day lying in the sun and playing in the surf. On her way home from the beach, stopped at her husbands’ office with a late lunch. She suggested that they take a walk and she asked him about his day. He was so thankful that she took an interest in him and stopped by and she was able to assuage her guilt at her behavior by being super nice.
Is your partner doing things that they might not have done before? Do you sometimes feel like their attention is intentional?
Of course, there are many reasons that your person is being extra nice to you but, if you find it is happening more often than usual, it could be a sign that your partner might be being unfaithful.
#5 – You can’t always find them.
A client of mine‘s mother was dying of cancer and she was the one who was taking care of her. She was spending a lot of time at her mother’s house as she dealt with her illness.
My client started to notice that her stepfather would disappear. He bought himself a new car and spent a lot of time out driving. He would say he was going out to lunch with friends only to not be reachable or to come home with a vague story of how plans have changed. He would work late. He would be late to respond if she called.
After her mother died, my client discovered that her stepfather had been having an affair. She had always suspected as such because of his behavior and she was very thankful that her mother never found out.
If you are finding that you person is often unreachable, it’s definitely a sign that they might be being unfaithful.
Needing to look out for signs that your partner might be being unfaithful is a horrible thing to have to do.
No one wants to learn that the person they love might be having an affair and looking for the signs that this might be true can be devastating.
As I said before, many of these signs could mean something other than your partner might be having an affair but, if more than one of these signs apply to them, it might be time to face up to this possibility and figure out next steps.
If your partner is distracted, if they are moody, if they look different and are acting extra nice or if they disappear without explanation, your partner just might be having an affair and I am so very sorry.
But knowledge is power and with this power you can decide what you want your next steps to be so you can get through this and out the other side intact.
You can do this! I promise.