5 Surprising Signs That Your Relationship is Solid
Are you looking to the universe to show you signs that your relationship is solid?
You are not alone! We all want to believe that the relationship we are in is solid that we have found OUR PERSON.
Unfortunately, we often fool ourselves into thinking that something that feels awesome ‘most of the time’ or where the sex is good or where things are great when they are great is a solid relationship, only to be disappointed when it ends in heartbreak like all of the others before.
Knowing the signs that your relationship is solid is the best way to stop fooling yourself and walk away from a relationship that isn’t any good or celebrating if it is and moving forward with confidence.
Here are 5 surprising signs that your relationship is solid so that you will know, once and for all, if you should stay or if you should go.
#1 – You can be yourself, always.
Be honest. How many times have you twisted yourself into a pretzel in a relationship, trying to be someone who you aren’t?
How many times have you tried to act chill when you are not really? Have you worn high heels when you are a flats kind of girl? How many times have you pretended to like music that you hate?
It is a huge sign that your relationship is solid when you don’t have to be anything other than the person you are. Why? Because, when you are in a solid relationship, your person will love you exactly the way you are.
When I first met my ex-husband I definitely wasn’t the real me. I tried to act chill when he couldn’t spend time with me, I started listening to music that he liked, I hung out with his friends even though they drove me nuts, and I never complained about his family. And then, once we got married, I started to be more true to myself. As a result, I wasn’t the person who he fell in love with and now we are divorced!
In my current relationship, I am all that I am – impatient, kind, caring, a lover of Broadway tunes, and someone who works ALL the time. My boyfriend is very different from me but he loves me for exactly who I am, my work obsessions and all.
So, if you feel like you can be yourself, always, it’s a big sign that your relationship is solid.
#2 – You are self-confident.
I have a client who I am on the phone with almost every day. She and her boyfriend generally text throughout the day, and on the days that the texting is intermittent, she is a mess.
She believes that if she doesn’t hear from him, he no longer likes her, even though they woke up together that morning. If she doesn’t hear from him, she starts feeling needy and unloved. If she doesn’t hear from him, she makes up stories in her head about how she is not worthy. And she refuses to ask him to stay in touch during the day because she doesn’t want to seem needy.
If you are in a solid relationship, you won’t ever feel that way. You won’t feel that you are less than if you don’t hear from your person for a few hours. And you won’t ever feel needy when you ask for what you want because you know that you deserve it.
What you will feel instead is the self-confidence that comes from being fully loved and supported. How amazing would that feel?
#3 – You feel safe and steady.
Did you wake up this morning feeling really good? Did you kiss your boyfriend as you headed out the door, happy and not worried about your relationship? Was your mind free to focus on what was in front of you instead of obsessing about something he said last night?
Or did you seek reassurance from your person that you would hear from them during the day, that you would spend the night together, that they really loved you, that they wanted to be with you forever?
Someone who is in a solid relationship will feel safe and steady. Instead of always being on edge because they are unsure if things are good, a person in a solid relationship feels safe and secure in it. While there might be occasional disagreements, they know that their person is there and that they have their back. That gives them the confidence to feel good about their relationship so that they can focus on other things!
#4 – You believe that you can accomplish anything.
One thing I have noticed over the course of my solid relationship is how powerful I feel. How I feel like I can take on the world. How I know that nothing will get in the way if I don’t let it.
Why? Because my boyfriend supports me 100%. And he tells me over and over and shows me by giving me the freedom to pursue my passions.
This has definitely not always happened in the past. I have been in relationships with men that made me feel unsteady. Relationships that were up and down and where I wasn’t always sure of my place in it. As a result, I didn’t believe in myself to the extent that I wanted to. While my life was good enough, I wasn’t living up to my true potential.
In retrospect, I know that I was strong enough to live up to my true potential on my own, but I didn’t know it. Being in a solid relationship has helped me to see that I am, to truly believe it, and to be successful.
#5 – You look to the future with hope.
Do you struggle every day with feelings of hopelessness? Do you look ahead to the next hour, day, week, month, or even year, with dread?
Do you dread the weekend because you aren’t sure if you are going to see him? Do you dread Christmas because your partner doesn’t like your family? Do you worry if you will be able to talk him into having kids?
Do you worry that this relationship won’t work out and do you believe that if it doesn’t, you will never love or be loved again?
If you feel this way, this is a sign that you don’t have a solid relationship. Someone in a solid relationship is someone who looks forward with hope. Who knows that the weekend will be amazing, even if you are just staying home. Who knows that you are on the same page as your partner about the future and that it feels good. And who knows that, no matter what, your relationship will prevail.
If you feel any sense of hopelessness or dread about the future, it is definitely a sign that you aren’t in a solid relationship and that it might be time to walk away.
So, now that I have shared the 5 surprising signs that you are in a solid relationship, do you have a better sense of what kind of relationship you are in?
It is very important to be honest with ourselves about the state of our relationship. It is so easy to ignore the red flags, to justify behaviors, to make excuses to keep your relationship intact. But if you do those things, you will only be wasting your time, hoping that your relationship can grow into something it’s not.
Furthermore, don’t kid yourself if you felt the things that I listed above at the beginning of the relationship but not so much now. It is not unusual to feel that way in the beginning but if things change as the relationship evolves, don’t try to kid yourself that things can be that way again. Things never go back to the way they were in the beginning. Sorry.
I always tell my clients that it’s important that they love the person who is right there in front of them, not the person they were or the person they could be. If the person right there in front of you is all the things I wrote about above, then you are in the solid relationship that you have always sought.
Well done!
