5 Things About Love That All Women Must Know to Find It
There are a few things about love that all women must know to find it. Unfortunately, most women know nothing about them.
Have you met the person of your dreams? Is this the one? If so, are you wondering what you must know about love so that you don’t make any mistakes?
Love is so complicated. When we are young we believe that some day our prince will come and sweep us off our feet and that we will live happily ever after. It doesn’t always work out that way.
Unfortunately, people are only human. Our life experience leads us to act a certain way and often times in a way that doesn’t serve us.
This is especially the case with women in relationships. We are so programmed to love and take care of others that we often blind ourselves to the truth about a relationship.
And often we don’t notice that truth until that relationship is too far gone to salvage.
Let me share with you 5 things about love that all women must know to find it.
#1 – Sex does not equal love.
There isn’t a single woman I know who hasn’t, at some point in her life, had sex with a man because she wanted him to love her. And, almost without exception, it just doesn’t work.
Men want sex. As much sex as they can possibly get. But for many men sex does not equal love. It does not even equal like. Sex is sex.
For women, sex is different. Sex brings about an emotional connection, THE emotional connection that women crave. As a result, many women believe that if they have sex with a man not only will they be giving him what he wants but they will also establish an emotional connection with him and that he will love her because of that.
Does it work that way? Usually no.
It is important that all women not jump into bed with someone the first night they meet them. Why? Because it is essential that the person you want to be with get to know you first, to see you as a human with a brain and a heart, not just someone with a vagina who they can use and walk away from.
Once they see you as a person, as someone they care about and who they respect, if you make love with them it will most likely have the emotional connection that you seek and a relationship might become a reality.
Also, it is essential that you not have sex with someone because you feel like they have put a lot of time and money into you and therefore you owe them. You owe a man nothing. It is their choice to put time and money into you – you owe them nothing return.
Don’t have sex with someone until you are ready to have sex with them. Period.
#2 – If he is interested he will stay in touch.
How many times have we sat by our phones and waited, watching the screen for that text alert. Or turned on our phone after a movie, desperately hoping that there will be a message from the guy we like.
And how many times have we been disappointed?
How many times have we justified why our person isn’t reaching out, believing that they are busy or not within cell service?
Even worse, how many times have we told ourselves that he is confused about his feelings about us and is taking some time to step back and work things through.
Something that you must know about love is that if a guy isn’t communicating with you, he isn’t interested. Period. If he regularly goes dark on you, to reappear with excuses, then he just isn’t that into you.
Guys are hunters. It’s in their nature. And if they want to communicate with you, or be with you, they will move heaven and earth to do so. And if they don’t, they won’t.
Know that, those guys who disappear and then reappear, are most likely reappearing because they are bored or horny. Sitting in front of a game or in a taxi and flipping through their phone, drunk after a night out with their buddies.
This is one of those things about love that all women must know to find it. Don’t let them fool you or suck you back in. They aren’t interested and neither should you be!
#3 – Being needy will only drive him away.
Really the worst thing that a woman can do is be needy with a man.
We get needy, and clingy, for a variety of reasons: jealousy, insecurity, fear of the unknown, possessiveness. All of these are anxieties that must exist for a reason but if they manifest themselves with neediness and clinginess you will drive your man away.
No one likes someone who is needy and clingy. Someone who is needy or clingy only makes someone feel trapped. It definitely doesn’t make someone feel interested. Who would want to be in a relationship with someone who is so pitiful? Would you?
It is important to know who you are in a relationship. Be yourself. Be honest. Talk to him. Be secure in his feelings for you and/or recognize if he has none and move on. If you can’t be honest with him, it means that you are scared of what might happen if you do and that is not the sign of a healthy relationship.
If you get needy or clingy, your man will disappear. He may return if you can resolve your feelings and no longer be clingy but he will disappear again if it resumes. This time for good.
So, do some work on yourself. Make sure you are going into a relationship confident with yourself and knowing that you will be okay if it doesn’t work out. Not easy, I know, but possible.
#4 – You MUST love yourself first.
So many of us go into relationships like hunks of clay, waiting to be molded into whatever shape is necessary to make a relationship work. We don’t know who we are outside of a relationship and we feel that only by connecting with another person will we know who we are.
That someone will bring out the best in us, make us a better person, and that we will live happily ever after.
This is SO NOT TRUE.
It is important to know who you are in this world, especially as you go into a relationship. If you know who you are, what your beliefs and values are, what is important to you in every aspect of your life, what you can and can’t live without, then you will be the kind of person that someone falls in love with. You will exude self-confidence and you will attract someone who is attracted to that.
If, conversely, you wait until you find a guy to figure out who you are or, even worse, change yourself for a guy, then you will end up unhappy and alone. Being anything other than yourself is a lie and lies just aren’t sustainable. And a woman who is lying to herself will only attract guys who will lie to her.
So, know who you are in this world and find the guy you deserve.
#5 – You will be fine if it doesn’t work out.
This is something that many of us simply do not believe. We believe that under no circumstances will we be okay if this relationship doesn’t work out.
We are worried that we will be alone forever and that we will never love or be loved again. We believe that we are a loser and that the pain of the loss will be unbearable.
We believe that the world is a place for couples and being single just isn’t acceptable.
I am here to tell you that, as someone who spent almost four years alone, being alone is not only fine but awesome. Being alone means that you get to get up and sleep when you want, never watch any sports that you don’t want to watch, never have to clean around the base of the toilet or pick up laundry off the floor. You can travel where you want and with whom. You can spend your money as you see fit. You are in charge of your own universe.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that being with someone else is a wonderful thing. But being with someone because you don’t think you can be alone is not a wonderful thing. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love, respect and cherish you is not better than being alone.
And in a relationship like that, you will feel alone anyway.
When you are with someone who doesn’t love, cherish and respect you then your life will be full of angst, the moment to moment ups and downs of being at the mercy of someone else’s whims causing you pain every day.
Wouldn’t it just be better to be alone, watching White Lotus and having a glass of wine?
There are so many things about love that all women must know to find it.
Know that sex doesn’t equal love, that you must always be yourself in a relationship, that if he isn’t in touch he doesn’t want you and that you will love and be loved again if it doesn’t work out!
One of the things that you must know about love is that never too late to find it. Be who you are, do things because you want to do them, don’t compromise your self-worth, don’t let yourself be lied to. Be the strong woman you know that you are and attract the love that you deserve.
You can do it. I know you can.