How to Get Out of a Toxic Relationship. 9 Important Steps for You to Take Right Now!
Letting go of a toxic relationship might be the hardest thing that you ever have to do.
After all, even if you know that your relationship is toxic, it might very well be that you still love your partner. Most of my clients find that it is love that keeps them from leaving a bad relationship, even if it isn’t a healthy one.
Fortunately, thousands of people get out of toxic relationships every day. It isn’t always easy but it is possible. And, by doing so, they set themselves up for the potential of having a life time of happiness and finding the love that they seek.
So, how to get out of a toxic relationship? Let me help!
#1 – Accept that you are in one.
For many people, accepting that they are in a toxic relationship can be very difficult. After all, you probably still love this person even if you know that you can’t stay with them.
And, for many people, because they are in the middle of the toxicity, they have a hard time recognizing how bad things are.
Signs of a toxic relationship are:
- Your relationship is volatile. One minute everything is good and then the next there is yelling and tears and everything falls apart.
- You are always unhappy.
- Your family and friends are constantly telling you that your relationship in unhealthy.
- You find yourself losing your mental and/or physical health.
- You hope that, if you just hold on long enough, things will go back to the way they were in the beginning.
Do any of these things sound like you? If yes, you might very well be in a toxic relationship. And, once you can truly accept this, then you will be ready to move forward and take the next step!
#2 – Decide you are going to do it.
Like anything else in your life, if you want to do something, you must not only decide to do it, you must be determined to follow through.
Imagine if you want to stop eating ice cream. That is a big deal and very hard to do. You can choose to tell yourself you aren’t going to eat it but keep some in the fridge. Or rationalize that little bit that you eat when you are out with friends. Instead of being determined to do it, you approach it half-heartedly, hoping things will just work out.
Before you know it, you will be back to the bad habit of eating ice cream.
So it is that one must set their goal of leaving a toxic relationship and dig deep to find the determination to not only do it but follow through.
If you want to end your toxic relationship, you must find it within yourself to do so!
#3 ̢ РTell someone.
One of the key parts of getting something difficult done is to tell someone else that you are going to do it. Why? Because that person can hold you accountable to make sure that you follow through.
I know that you might be telling yourself that you are going to do this, or perhaps you have even told yourself that you were going to do this before, but that, here you are, still in your toxic relationship.
That is because, as we often do, you aren’t holding yourself to the promise that you have made to yourself—”to leave.
This time, do something different. Tell a friend or family member that you are going to do this. Ask them to hold you accountable to the steps that you are going to take to get out of your relationship, something I am sure that they would be happy to do.
Make sure you ask a friend or family member who truly will hold you accountable someone who is wishy washy won’t help you in any way!
#4 -Get your finances in order.
I had a client once who was in a toxic marriage. She knew that she had to get out of it but she was somewhat dependent on her husband to provide for her and her three children. But she knew that the leaving had to happen and so she took the first step towards doing so she got her finances in order.
She had always been a stay at home mom so she got herself a small job. It wasn’t a ton of money but it was something. She opened a bank account for that money and slowing started transferring a bit of the money that she shared with her husband into it as well, building a little nest egg to help her escape.
She also reached out to her parents, to see if they could help her if she needed it. She ultimately didn’t, but she knew that they were there if she needed them.
Perhaps your finances are not an issue and you can skip this step but, if you are financially reliant on your partner, planning ahead will help you get out. After all, this financial piece might be just why are haven’t gotten out yet. Change that!
#5 – Find somewhere to go.
Are you stuck in a house or an apartment with your toxic partner? Are you confident that, if you ask your partner to go, they won’t? Is this one of the reasons why you haven’t ended this relationship yet? Maybe.
It is very important that, before you tell your person that the relationship is over, you find someplace to go. Perhaps you can go to stay with a friend or your family while you get yourself back on track. Perhaps you can find an AirBnB that does weekly rentals. If you can handle it financially, sign a lease on your own place.
Whatever you have to do to ensure that, when you are ready to leave, you have a place to go. For many people, not knowing where they are going to live is enough to make them not leave a relationship, even if they know they should!
#6 – Make a list.
A key part of letting go of a toxic relationship is that you make a list of all of the reasons that you are leaving.
Our brains can be very toxic, keeping us in situations that aren’t good for us. They can easily forget the bad things and only focus on the good things. They can give us hope that things might change or go back to the way that they were in the beginning, if only we try hard enough. They tell us that, if we leave, we will never love or be loved again.
And all of these things won’t help you let go of your toxic relationship.
So, it is time to make a list. Get out a piece of paper or make a new note on your phone. Write down all of the reasons that you want to leave. Take note of specific things that happen. Remind yourself how this relationship makes you feel.
If you can do this very important thing, it will make it much easier for you to leave your relationship. Whenever you are feeling weak or questioning your choice, you can refer to the list and remember why you have made this decision.
Instead of letting your brain take over and only remember the good things, having your list close by will help you stay determined to, once and for all, leave this toxic relationship.
#7 – Engage a therapist or life coach (or see the one you have).
If you have a therapist or a life coach, it is time to call them. If you don’t have one, find one.
You have never (hopefully) ever had to leave a toxic relationship before so you might have no idea how to do so successfully. Having a professional will help you ensure that you have success, sooner than later.
I have worked with many clients to help them get out of a toxic relationship and they say that they couldn’t have done it without me. I am able to be the person who holds them accountable. I am able to be honest with them about what I see, with no personal agenda that a friend might have. I can guide them to resources. I help them process the emotions that have led them to this place. I am their biggest cheerleader. . All invaluable things.
Reach out to your therapist if you have one. If you don’t, find one. BetterHelp.com is a great way to find a therapist. It is all online so you aren’t limited to finding therapists in your area and you can find one who suits your needs anywhere.
OR you could reach out to me! I would be happy to help!
#8 – Block them.
I can not say this one often enough! If you want to successfully leave a toxic relationship, you must block your person. You must block them on your phone so that they don’t reach out and block them on social media so you can’t see what they are doing.
Back in the day, when we went through a break up, the chances of being in contact with our ex was minimal. Now, in these days of cell phones and social media, we have access to our ex and their goings on 24/7. And that access can sabotage our decisions.
Imagine if you find the strength to let go but then continue to keep tabs on what your ex is doing on social media. This could make you miss them or be jealous that they are moving on or confuse your determination to follow through. All of this could sabotage your conviction, putting you right back where you were before.
And, if you don’t block your ex on your phone, one or both of you will be tempted to reach out, opening up another conversation that might lead in a direction other than the one you want to take!
I know it seems like it will be hard but you can do it. And it is the most important piece of this journey one that you can do!
#9 – Take it one day at a time.
If there is anything that can prevent someone from letting go of a toxic relationship it is trying to get too far ahead of ourselves!
If you have been trying to get out of a bad relationship, have you not done so because you are afraid of the future? Are you are afraid that you will not be okay, that you will always be alone, that you will never love or be loved again? If so, you are not alone.
But, you are also not alone in that you aren’t thinking clearly.
Yes, if you walk out on a toxic relationship you might be alone for a while, but I can promise you that you will find love again. That you will be able to get back to a healthy happy life. That you will find yourself again.
I know it’s really hard to visualize that right now and that is ok. What you can visualize right is the next few moments or the next few hours or maybe even what is going to happen tomorrow. Tomorrow is way less unknown then next week or next year.
So, try to keep your eyes down and on tomorrow, not next year. If you can do that, you won’t get overwhelmed and you will be able to walk away. I promise.
Knowing how to get out of a toxic relationship can be incredibly hard to see clearly.
But letting go of a toxic relationship, one that is holding you back from living the life you want, is possible! It might be hard but you can do it!
Just take the time to set yourself up for success define your determination, get some support, set yourself up for financial and living independence, stay clear on why you are doing this and cut off all ties with your ex.
If you can do this, if you can stick to the plan, you too can find the life and the love that you have always wanted.
I promise!
