How to Recover From a Break up – 10 Things that Really Work
If you are reading this article, I am guessing that you have had your heart broken.
And for that I am very sorry!
I know that there is nothing worse than a broken heart.
I remember my first like it was yesterday. Bobby Fortunato broke up with me for Katie Ford my mom let me stay home from school because she knew how hard it can be.
I did get over Bobby Fortunato and you can get over the person who let you go.
So, how to recover from a break up? Here are 10 things that really work so that you can over your broken heart and move on!
#1 – Set boundaries.
The first step that you MUST do is to establish boundaries with your ex.
This means no trying to be friends. It is literally impossible to be friends with an ex after a breakup – there are too many hurt feelings.
This means not making excuses for seeing each other. You are both probably missing each other, and seeing each other will only hurt.
This means no random hooking up, hoping that things might change. They won’t.
This means NO CONTACT. This means blocking them everywhere. If your ex can reach out to you, or you them, it will sabotage your healing in a big way.
#2 – Do some research.
There is so much information online about how to recover from a break up. (Like this blog!)
I always encourage my clients, when they are in break up recovery mode, to go online and learn what they can about break ups.
I encourage them to read blogs and to interact with people who are going through break ups. Getting more information about anything only helps us work through it, and interacting with like-minded people can always be helpful.
There are two caveats to this recommendation.
The first is that you recognize that the information you find online is not directly related to you and your break up. It is someone else’s story, and some of the things that you will read won’t be relevant to you. This is important to keep in mind.
I also encourage people to do this research in the beginning but to shut it down after a week or two. If you continue doing research on break ups, then you will be stuck in break up mode and not be able to move forward.
After spending some time online learning about break ups, it’s time to spend some time online learning about moving on!
#3 – Take stock of your role.
Many of us play the victim after a break up.
We think that we did nothing wrong and that our ex is completely to blame.
I have a client who told me that he had been the perfect husband for 20 years and that his wife cheating on him wasn’t his fault. In reality, he realized that he hadn’t been the perfect husband and that, while his wife’s infidelity wasn’t justified, he did have a role to play in her turning to someone else for emotional connection.
If you are playing the victim in your break up, it will definitely sabotage your break up recovery
#4 – Don’t stalk them.
In this day and age of social media, stalking an ex is easy.
Back in the day, the only way to know what an ex was doing was by grilling their friends or trying to set ourselves up somewhere we know they might be.
Now, you can go online and, in a few clicks, see what your ex is doing and with whom.
Why will stalking hamper your recovery after a break up? Because seeing them online is breaking the ‘no contact’ rule. Knowing what they are up to, seeing that they have moved on with their life, believing that they are happy without you, will only set you back to square one in your healing.
#5 – Let yourself cry.
So many of us hold in our emotions. We are told from a young age that we need to stop crying or that it makes us weak. As a result, when we have our heart broken, we tend to stuff the pain down deep instead of letting it out.
It is so important that, in every area of life, we feel our feelings. Why? Because if we feel them, we will be able to let them out of our body. Instead of holding them inside, where they can fester and cause damage, letting them go will help us to set ourselves free from the pain.
So, cry. Get a journal and write out your feelings. Talk to your friends. Get those feelings out of your head and your body so that you can take another step recovering from a break up.
#6 – Know that you are not alone.
I am sure that, right now, you are feeling like your pain is the worst pain of all. That this break up is more painful than any other break ups. And believing that will only hold you back in your recovery.
I suggested before going online and finding other people who are struggling with a break up. Find a local divorce or break up group. Spend time with friends who are going through the same thing.
The Mayo Clinic states that the benefits of a support group are significant. Support groups will help you feel less lonely, it will reduce distress, anxiety and depression. It will help you improve your coping skills and talking openly about your pain will help others heal as well.
There is nothing like sharing our situation with others who are in the same place to help us heal after a break up.
You are not alone. Know that!
#7 – Take care of yourself.
I am guessing that you might be reading this blog with a pint of ice cream in your hand. Perhaps on the couch, still in your pajamas?
This is okay. But don’t let this be your world for very long.
It is very important that, when we are recovering from a break up, we take care of ourselves.
Sleeping is the most important thing. If you don’t sleep, you won’t be able to think clearly and emotions will be harder to manage.
Exercise and eating well are also key. They will make your body feel strong and confident, and there is nothing better than having a strong body.
Furthermore, exercise helps release dopamine, a feel-good chemical that will reduce the pain of the break-up, at least for a little while.
#8 – Don’t shut people out.
For many people, the instinct to isolate themselves after a break up is strong.
After all, break ups can lead to depression and isolation is a hallmark of depression.
Shutting people out, isolating yourself from people who care about you, will only hamper your recovery.
After a break up, we often feel abandoned. We feel less than. We feel unloved. Spending time with people who love you will help you to not feel those things. Instead, you will feel loved and safe and special.
Feeling this way will only help us speed along our recovery and move on.
#9 – Do something special.
When my husband left me, I was devastated. I found myself in a city where I didn’t know anyone, with nothing much to do. I spent time alone, trying to figure out what was next but feeling hopeless and helpless.
And then a friend called me and asked if I was interested in taking a trip to Peru. It was a five-day hiking trip that ended at Machu Picchu. Peru was somewhere that I had always wanted to go. I jumped at the opportunity and spent 5 lovely days hiking the Andes.
This trip helped me recover from my break up for two reasons.
The first is that it got me out of my hum-drum routine into something totally different. I spent time with people I didn’t know and who didn’t know my story. I spent time with people from other cultures and learned from them.
The second reason that this trip helped with my break-up recovery is that I accomplished something. I traveled to Peru, hiked to 17,000 feet, ate foods I had never eaten before, and took a risk by branching out.
Both of these things, experiencing different things and proving to myself that I could accomplish whatever I set my mind to, helped me move on in a big way!
#10 -Have hope for the future.
I know that this feels impossible right now. To have hope that you will ever love or be loved again is just beyond.
But I can tell you that you will be okay. That you will find someone else to love you. That your happily ever after is out there.
My husband left me 12 years ago. Last week, I married the love of my life. In between, I found love in many places and it made me a new, improved version of myself.
I never would have believed that this could happen. But it did. And it happens to all of my clients, without exception. If they can let go of a love that wasn’t serving them, they open up the space to find someone who will.
I am guessing that you have been through a break up before and eventually gotten past it and found love again? That will happen again. I just know it.
Knowing how to recover from a break up can be difficult.
When we are in breakup recovery mode, we often aren’t thinking clearly. Our emotions are clouding our brain and we get paralyzed.
But you can heal from your break up. You can rebuild yourself, stronger then ever. You can create the life for yourself that you have always wanted and get your happily ever after.
Instead of this being the end, it is the beginning.
I promise!
