6 Red Flags in Early Dating Stages That You MUST NOT Ignore

New relationships are super exciting, but early warning signs, also known as red flags, often hint at deeper problems. Many of us ignore these red flags, hoping that things will work out in spite of them. Or that we will be able to change our new person and make them go away.

Red flags are signs of trouble in a new love match. They can be little or big.

Perhaps your date looks at your phone without asking, or won’t let you look at theirs. Perhaps they don’t treat people in a way that feels good to you. Perhaps they disappear for days at a time and then return without explanation. Perhaps they make you feel bad any time you express your feelings. All of these things are red flags – flags that should be acted upon.

The key to acting upon them? Knowing how to spot them!

Let me share 6 red flags to keep your eye out for so that you don’t waste any more time on the wrong person.

Five Red Flags in Early Dating You Can’t Miss | Sabrina Zohar

#1 – Being Too Controlling or Owning

If a person you’re seeing wants to run your choices or gets too jealous, that’s a big red flag.

They might stop you from seeing your friends or family, saying things like, “Why do you need them when you’re with me?” or make you feel bad for keeping other ties. They might want to check your phone, know your secrets, or keep tabs on you all the time, asking who you are with or where you go. They might try to control how you dress or how you spend money.

Jealousy, too, is a type of owning that can go too far. They might get mad if you chat with a waiter, wave at someone nearby, or bring up a colleague. Accusations like “You’re flirting” when you’re just nice are not okay. These small, yet clear clues point to bigger problems you can’t just brush off.

The tough part is, often this controlling act looks like love. They might say, “I just care a lot” or “I want to keep you safe.” But true love doesn’t cut you off or make you watch every step to keep them happy.

If you find you’re changing to keep them happy or feel like you’re always careful around them, think twice. You shouldn’t drop your friends, joys, or freedom for anyone you date.

#2 – Lacking Respect for Boundaries

When someone disregards your boundaries, it reveals a lot about their character. Boundaries aren’t just casual guidelines – they’re necessary safeguards for your emotional and mental well-being.

Imagine this: you’ve expressed a desire to take things slow, yet your partner keeps pushing for physical closeness. Or you’ve made it clear that you prefer to keep your work life and personal life separate, but they show up at your workplace uninvited. Maybe you’ve asked for quiet evenings without late-night texts, but those messages keep coming. These actions, whether blatant or subtle, slowly wear down your comfort and sense of security.

“If you are not able to verbalize your boundaries in a new relationship or they are crossed and not respected, that is a huge red flag.” – Mental Health Professional, Arkansas ^[1]

Boundaries go beyond personal space – they also include money and time. For example, if you’ve agreed to split the bill or alternate who pays, but your partner insists on always covering the check despite your objections, they’re disregarding your financial boundaries. On the flip side, if they expect you to pay for everything after you’ve expressed a desire for balance, that’s another red flag.

“Red flags undermine trust and safety, leaving you feeling diminished or anxious.” – Katie Dissanayake, Relationship Coach ^[2]

Your time boundaries are equally important. If Sundays are your day for family or personal time, a respectful partner won’t keep pushing for Sunday dates or sulking when you’re unavailable. A considerate partner adjusts and respects your schedule without making you feel guilty.

“Having the boundaries that you need to take care of yourself will ultimately allow you to show up well for a partner.” – Danielle Sethi, Therapist ^[3]

Trust your instincts when something feels off. A partner who respects your boundaries will listen, understand, and adjust without argument. If they try to negotiate or dismiss your limits, it’s a clear sign to reevaluate. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect for each other’s needs and personal space – right from the start.

#4 – Inconsistent or Dishonest Communication

Dishonest communication, much like controlling behavior or boundary issues, can erode trust right from the beginning. Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship, and when someone’s words don’t align with their actions, it’s often a sign of deeper problems. Let’s break this down.

Picture this: they say they’re serious about building a connection, but then disappear for days. Or they seem thrilled about meeting up again, only to take forever to reply to your messages or cancel plans at the last minute. This hot-and-cold pattern keeps you guessing and unsettled.

Major red flags also show up in how they talk about themselves. If their stories about daily life or their background keep changing, and they dodge direct questions, it’s hard to build trust.

Digital habits, too, can sometimes be red flags. Someone might respond promptly at certain times but then be completely unavailable without any explanation. Or they might actively post on social media while ignoring your messages. Worse, their online activity might contradict things they’ve told you about their lifestyle or interests, adding another layer of mistrust.

Trust your instincts here. If conversations leave you feeling confused, uneasy, or like something just doesn’t add up, don’t ignore that gut feeling. Healthy communication should bring clarity and connection – not leave you more puzzled.

#4 – Rushing the Relationship (aka Love Bombing)

When someone overwhelms you with excessive attention, lavish gifts, and grand declarations of love within just weeks of meeting, it might seem flattering at first. But this behavior – often called love bombing – can be a HUGE red flag.

Love bombing is all about fast-tracking intimacy without building a genuine connection. For example, they might text you constantly throughout the day, send extravagant gifts after only a few dates, or profess deep feelings before truly knowing you. While it may feel romantic in the moment, this whirlwind approach often bypasses the natural process of getting to know each other.

They might insist on exclusivity, suggest moving in together, or even bring up marriage far too soon. These actions are often paired with bold statements like, “We’re meant to be”, or “Why wait when this feels so special?” The urgency can feel overwhelming and may pressure you to match their pace, even if it doesn’t feel right for you.

You might also notice them making your relationship very public early on. They could post about you frequently on social media, tag you in romantic memes, or even update their relationship status after just a few dates. While these gestures might seem sweet, they can also come across as an attempt to “claim” you rather than a genuine display of affection.

Healthy relationships don’t need to sprint to the finish line. They grow gradually through shared experiences, meaningful conversations, and mutual respect for boundaries. If something feels too intense too quickly, trust your instincts. A genuine connection unfolds naturally and gives you the time and space to build trust. Recognizing the signs of love bombing can help you identify and address potential red flags early on, ensuring a healthier approach to relationships.

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#5 – Having a Disrespectful or Critical Attitude

Repeatedly belittling or demeaning behavior is a glaring red flag in any relationship. Much like controlling tendencies or boundary violations, a consistently critical attitude often points to deeper incompatibilities.

Pay attention to how they respond to you. Do they interrupt, dismiss your thoughts, or mock your ideas? Maybe they roll their eyes when you share something you’re passionate about. Perhaps they compare you to an ex or one of their friends’ partners.

Do they hide criticism disguised as “helpful advice.” Remarks about your appearance, career choices, or personal decisions that feel more like put-downs than support can chip away at your confidence.

Watch how they treat others, too. Rudeness to servers, condescension toward family members, or dismissive behavior in social situations can be telling. These patterns often carry over into romantic relationships, especially after the initial charm fades.

Conflict resolution can be equally telling. Do they resort to name-calling, personal attacks, or bringing up past mistakes to hurt you during disagreements? Healthy communication focuses on resolving the issue, not tearing down the other person.

Finally, trust your instincts. If you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells, worried about triggering criticism, it’s a sign of an unhealthy dynamic. Feeling pressured to change who you are just to avoid conflict points to deeper issues that need to be addressed early on. Recognizing these patterns can help you protect your sense of self and well-being.

#6 – Poor Conflict Resolution or Emotional Invalidation

When it comes to relationships, how someone handles disagreements can reveal a lot about their character. Poor conflict resolution often highlights deeper issues, and emotional invalidation can make things even worse.

Phrases like “you’re too sensitive”, “you’re overreacting”, or “that’s not a big deal” are clear warning signs. These dismissive comments shut down conversations, deflect responsibility, and make you question your own feelings. Instead of resolving the issue, they leave you doubting yourself.

The silent treatment is another unhealthy tactic. Rather than addressing the problem, they might disappear or refuse to communicate, creating an unsettling power imbalance. This approach doesn’t just avoid the issue – it amplifies it.

Some people turn small disagreements into full-blown arguments by using harsh language or dragging unrelated past conflicts into the mix. Gaslighting is especially damaging during these moments. They might insist a conversation never happened, claim you’re “remembering it wrong”, or make you question your perception of reality.

Stonewalling, or completely shutting down and refusing to engage, is another red flag. It leaves issues unresolved and creates emotional distance. Even after the argument, their behavior can speak volumes. Holding grudges, bringing up old issues, or acting cold for days shows a lack of willingness to move forward constructively.

During conflicts, they might resort to emotional manipulation, bringing up your insecurities or making threats, like suggesting the relationship is at risk over something minor.

How they react when you express hurt feelings is also telling. A healthy response involves listening and showing genuine care. But if they dismiss your concerns or immediately become defensive, it’s a sign they may care more about being “right” than understanding your perspective.

So How Do You Recognize and Address Red Flags?

Trust your instincts. If something feels off, don’t brush it aside as paranoia or overthinking. Often, your gut picks up on subtle warning signs before your mind fully processes them.

Keep a record of behaviors that concern you, noting specific details and dates. This can help you spot patterns over time. Seeing these behaviors laid out can make it harder to dismiss recurring issues or convince yourself they’re not a big deal.

Talk to trusted friends or family members who know you well. Sometimes, being too close to a situation makes it hard to see clearly.

Pay close attention to how your partner reacts to your boundaries. Someone who respects you will honor your limits without arguing, guilt-tripping, or pressuring you. If they repeatedly test your boundaries or make you feel bad for setting them, that’s a warning sign that needs immediate attention.

Consistency matters. Actions speak louder than words. If someone claims to respect you but frequently cancels plans last minute, shows up late, or dismisses your concerns, their behavior is telling you more than their words ever could.

Pay attention to their response when you express concerns. A healthy partner will listen and take your feelings seriously. On the other hand, if they become defensive, dismiss your concerns, or turn the blame back on you, it’s a sign of how future conflicts might be handled.

Know when it’s time to walk away. Certain red flags, like controlling behavior or emotional manipulation, often get worse over time. If these patterns show up early in the relationship, they’re unlikely to improve without significant effort on the other person’s part.

Knowing how to recognize red flags and how to act on them is an important part of building a healthy relationship.

Trust your instincts if something feels off. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, open communication, and understanding. Spotting these red flags early helps you make informed decisions about your emotional safety.

Spotting red flags early is key to protecting your emotional well-being and shaping a healthier future. Knowing how to recognize red flags – controlling behavior, boundary violations, dishonest communication, love bombing, disrespectful attitudes, and poor conflict resolution – can help you avoid unnecessary heartache when identified in time.

You deserve a partner who respects your boundaries, communicates openly, and shows kindness, even in moments of conflict. Don’t settle for less or assume you can change someone’s behavior. Recognizing red flags early can save you from long-term harm.

Ultimately, addressing red flags isn’t about trying to change someone else – it’s about protecting yourself. The right person will respect your boundaries, communicate openly, and work through challenges with you, not create them.