8 Things You Should Know About Having Sex With Your Ex Before You Do It
For a long time, I have told people that having sex with an ex is a really bad idea.
After all, you broke up. Why would you want to revisit something that made you miserable?
What I have learned over the years, however, is quite different. That while having sex with our ex can be a bad idea, it also might be a very good one.
It really just depends on the situation.
With that in mind, I would like to share with you 8 things you should know about having sex with your ex so that you can decide whether it’s the right thing for you to do or if you should stay very far away.
First, the good reasons to have sex with your ex:
#1 – Sex with an ex can bring comfort.
For many people, letting go of someone we love can be very hard. We know that the relationship isn’t meant to be but that doesn’t mean we don’t still care about our person.
And, when we leave a relationship not because the love is gone but because we aren’t compatible, the loneliness that we feel after can be extreme.
The nice thing about having sex with your ex instead of going out and trying to find something new is that having sex with someone you know and love is way easier. You both know each other and what each other wants and that takes the pressure off having to be with someone unfamiliar.
#2 – Sex with an ex might make sex exciting again.
For many people, having sex with someone they are no longer in a relationship with can be really exciting.
Instead of having ‘in a relationship sex,’ there is a certain something about having sex with someone you probably shouldn’t be having sex with that can be exciting.
Sometimes sex with an ex is a secret – which is enticing. Also, because you are no longer struggling in a bad relationship but just getting together because you want to, sex is only about good, fun sex – not complicated with baggage.
I broke up with the man I loved dearly but knew I couldn’t be in a relationship with him. A few months down the road, we ran into each other and fell into bed. The sex was AMAZING. So amazing that we continued doing so for a few months until we both found other people to have relationships with.
#3 – It will keep you from falling into a new relationship for the wrong reasons.
For many people, when they find themselves lonely after a breakup, they rush into a new relationship for the wrong reasons. They are lonely and horny and don’t want to be alone, so they try to make it work with someone who might not be right for them.
If you are having sex with your ex, you are filling that lonely, horny space, at least for a little while. As a result, you won’t have to compromise with someone you don’t want to be with. And you won’t waste someone else’s time when you do.
#4 – You can reconnect with someone you care about.
I had a guy I had dated a few times. The sex was REALLY good. We pretty much just went our own ways for no specific reason.
One day I was feeling really lonely and I texted him to see if he was single and horny. He got on his bike and pedaled 108 blocks and we had an afternoon tryst.
While the sex in itself was great, what we did afterward was very fun too. We lay there, naked and sweaty, and talked about our lives and our kids. We caught up with each other after all those months apart.
This reconnection, while fun, didn’t make us want to get back together at all, but reconnecting for that day was great!
Second, the bad reasons to have sex with an ex:
#1 – You might only bring up more pain.
Did you and your ex have a horrible break up? Did one or the other of you hurt the other deeply? Did it take you a long time to get over it?
If your relationship ended badly, having sex with your ex could only bring back the pain that you felt so deeply.
Doing something as intimate as sex with someone who hurt you can bring up things that you tried to forget, to reconnect with the pain that they made you feel. And that is not good.
Ask yourself if it would be worth it to bring back that pain, to maybe have to start at square one with your healing. If not, having sex with your ex is a bad idea.
#2 – You might be hoping to get back together, only to be rejected.
Did your ex break up with you? Did you try and try and try to make the relationship work and to try to get them back after they ended it?
Are you considering having sex with them because you are hoping that they will remember how much they love you and want you back?
Let me promise you this – if your person doesn’t want to be with you, no amount of sex will bring them back. They will appreciate the opportunity to have sex with you but will also be perfectly happy to leave when they are done.
So, don’t kid yourself – having sex with your ex won’t bring them back to you.
#3 – It will hinder you moving on to find a new person.
One of the reasons that we get back out there after we have healed from a breakup is because we don’t want to be alone.
What we want more than anything is to find someone and build a life with them and be happy.
Having sex with your ex can prevent that from happening.
Because having sex with your ex might fill that empty space that you have, and you won’t feel the need to put yourself out there. Furthermore, you might find that having sex with them makes you start having feelings for them again, feelings that might be complicated if you meet someone new.
So, if you are going to have sex with your ex, go into it knowing that doing so might keep you from finding someone from whom you can get love and sex!
#4 – Sex without love might make you just feel more alone.
I know that when I had sex with the ex who I broke up with even though I still loved him, when it was over and I went home I was often plunged into depression and loneliness.
Instead of processing and getting past the break up so I could move on, I found myself reconnected to him every time I went over there. I knew that I didn’t want to be with him but spending time with him, laughing and being intimate, felt great. Going home to a lonely house was just not fun.
So, know that, having sex with your ex just might make you feel lonelier than you do right now!
I hope now that you see that sex with your ex can be a good thing and a bad thing.
On the most basic level, before you consider having sex with an ex, ask yourself why you want to do this.
If you want to do it for the connection and the comfort, knowing that you are doing it not to get back together but to keep you from moving on too quickly, then these are good reasons that might only make you feel great.
But, if you are doing this because you are hoping to get your person back because they are the only person for you, know that having sex with them is a really bad idea, one that will only cause your more pain and loneliness.
So, take your time before you do this – make sure it’s for the right reasons!
You can do it!