When Happiness Fades Away: 10 Signs You’re Unhappy in Your Relationship
Did you wake up this morning dreading the day and wondering why?
Did you grab a coffee and your phone and settle in to ask Google why you might be feeling this way?
Was one of your questions to the Oracle, Am I unhappy in my relationship?
If you are reading this article, I am guessing perhaps yes!
The image that people have of an unhappy relationship often involves two people who fight all the time and hate each other. And while that can be true, there are more indicators that you are in an unhappy relationship, ones that are more subtle and harder to spot.
What are they? Let me share.
Here are 10 ways to know if you’re in an unhappy relationship so that you can figure out why you are waking up in the morning feeling hopeless in your relationship.
#1 – You would rather do anything with anyone than spend time with them.
So, be honest. What has your social life looked like these past few weeks?
Are you spending time with your partner, doing things that you have always enjoyed doing together? Or are you spending time with someone else, anyone else, so that you don’t have to hang out with your significant other?
And, if you aren’t spending so much time with your partner, how do you feel about that?
Do you feel sad because you miss them? Are you relieved because spending time with them is not fun? Are you feeling guilty because you know that things should be different?
If you would rather do anything with anyone instead of spending time with your partner, you might very well be in an unhappy relationship!
#2 – You consider handing out your phone number to anyone who asks.
This is a bit of an exaggeration, I know. None of us would just hand out our phone numbers to anyone who asked.
That being said, have you been asked to share your phone number and considered giving it to someone? Perhaps someone you met at the gym who you have been admiring from afar?
Is this something that you would ever have considered doing when you were first with your partner, and you were happy? Probably not.
If someone has asked you for your phone number and you are thinking about giving it to them, you are most certainly not happy in your relationship.
#3 – You are staying at work way longer than usual.
Of course, we all work hard – harder than we should. The question is – are you working harder than usual?
Do you find that you are taking on more work, telling yourself that it will help you when promotion time comes around? Do you find that you are often still at your desk when your co-workers are long gone? Are you the first one in the office in the morning, working away?
If the answers to any of these questions are yes, consider why you might be suddenly taking this substantial interest in work. Is it because the work is so compelling or is it because you just don’t want to be at home?
If it’s the latter, then you are definitely in a relationship that is not thriving!
#4 – You suddenly take up running.
Have you recently taken up a new hobby? Are you immersing yourself in something that perhaps has never interested you before?
I have a client whose husband just left her. She was flummoxed because she thought things were so good. And then he left.
As we explored what had happened, she told me that, about a year ago, her husband had taken up running. He joined a running club and went for long runs with them every day. The group was very social, spending lots of time together between runs. He was drinking more than usual but had gotten very fit from all the running.
After talking the break up through, my client realized that after her husband started running, everything changed. They stopped spending time together, and the running club became more of his family. She didn’t see it at the time, but, in retrospect, she realized that her husband was very unhappy and, instead of leaving, had consumed himself with a hobby that would make him feel good!
#5 – You have nothing to say to each other yet fight about everything.
Is your house either silent or, when there is talking, it’s very loud and angry?
Do you find that you tiptoe around each, barely making eye contact, talking only about the most trivial things? Or do you find that, even over the smallest thing, you fight and that sometimes that fighting escalates in a big way?
Does the cycle of silence and yelling suck you dry? Do you just wish that you and your person could get along and enjoy each other the way you used to? Do you hate that this is the life that you are living?
I would definitely say that, if your house is not an enjoyable place to be, you are definitely in an unhappy relationship.
#6 – Your friends are all telling you how miserable you look.
People who are in happy relationships tend to glow.
They are in love, they have companionship, and they have finally found the relationship that they have always craved. They are happy, and it shows.
People who are in unhappy relationships sometimes just don’t look good. Their misery is literally written all over their face. Their face can be pale and wan. They might not be sleeping well, and there are bags under their eyes. They might have lost weight or looked puffy from crying.
And unfortunately, many people don’t notice when they aren’t looking well, especially when they are unhappy. Luckily, their friends often do.
Do your friends tell you that you are looking unhealthy? If yes, you might very well be miserable in your relationship.
#7 – You are getting sick.
I remember when I was unhappily married; I had so many physical ailments.
I developed lots of tummy problems. My back hurts always. I had terrible headaches, and I was in so much pain that we thought I had fibromyalgia.
My days were full of doctor’s offices, Advil and digestive enzymes. Try as I might, I couldn’t get better.
When my ex-husband and I got divorced, those ailments diminished greatly. My stomach problems and headaches disappeared and I started getting stronger. I was so surprised. I had no idea that my poor health was related to my unhappy marriage.
If you find that you are struggling with health problems, it might very well be because you are in a relationship that is sucking you dry.
#8 – You are lonely.
My sister, who recently got divorced, always said that she was lonely in her marriage.
She had a husband, who she loved, but who was never around. He worked 7 days a week and generally left before dawn and came back after dusk.
When he was in the house, he was barely present. He would come home, have a drink and fall asleep on the couch, watching TV. When he did have days off, he was tired and wasn’t interested in doing anything with her.
Try as she might, she just couldn’t engage him and as time went on, she found herself to be very lonely.
She didn’t understand it – how could she feel lonely when she was in a relationship?
When she got divorced, she understood why. She hasn’t yet found someone new, but she finds that, with no husband coming and going and ignoring her, she isn’t constantly being let down and feeling abandoned. And lonely.
How about you – are you lonely, even if you are in a relationship? If yes, know that you are not alone and, most likely, very unhappy!
#9 – You are feeling bad about yourself.
For many people who are in long-term unhappy relationships, they start to feel bad about themselves.
They blame themselves for the problems in their relationships. Perhaps their efforts to fix things aren’t working. Perhaps they are constantly feeling rejected. Perhaps they feel that, if they leave, they are truly unlovable and will never be happy again.
If you are feeling bad about yourself and think that you are in an unhappy relationship, know that none of this is your fault. Of course, we all bear some responsibility for a relationship that isn’t going well but it’s never any one person’s fault.
#10 – You only feel contempt for your partner.
This one is a key sign that you are in an unhappy relationship – if you feel only contempt for your person.
That everything that they do annoys you and that you don’t hesitate to let them know.
That you give them the silent treatment if they upset you or berate them for something they do wrong.
That, instead of having healthy adult communication, you find yourself sulking and treating your person like they are the cause of all that is wrong in the world.
Do you find that you look at your partner and feel nothing but contempt? Do you have no respect for them and treat them that way? If the answer is yes, you are unhappy in your relationship, and it’s definitely time to move on, for both of you!
So there you are, 10 ways to know if you are in an unhappy relationship so that you can recognize whether or not your daily despair is a result of your love life or if it’s something else.
Know that we all get into unhappy relationships, and it’s rarely any one person’s fault. The key is to, once you have identified the state of your relationship, get out of it ASAP if it’s an unhappy one!
I know that you might be scared that, if you walk away, you will never love or be loved again but I can promise you that, if you get the strength to walk away, you will find that love you seek. The only way you won’t is if you stay, hoping for things to get better.
Do what you have to do to be happy! You can do it!
