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5 Ways to Cultivate An Iron Clad Self-Esteem – Even If You Never Could Before

Dictionary.com defines self esteem as “a realistic respect for or a favorable impression of oneself.” Sounds easy enough, right? Unfortunately, not so much.

Many of us live with a self-esteem that does not serve us. We don’t believe that we are all that.  That we are beautiful or kind or smart or thoughtful or successful or worthy. Instead, many of us believe that we will never amount to much in this world and we question whether we will ever succeed at anything, be it at love, at work or at getting healthy.

Tragically, our self-esteem gets destroyed by a lifetime of experiences, negative experiences that gradually eat away at the healthy self-esteem we are born with.

Fortunately, there are ways to rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it stronger than ever so that you are not afraid to take on the world and make your world what you want it to be.

Here is my latest – 5 Ways to Cultivate An Iron Clad Self Esteem – Even If You Never Could Before.

#1 – Get out of that relationship that doesn’t serve you.

Are you in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way? Does your partner make you feel less than for not making your bed or for how you dress? Do they go out and do things with their friends and leave you alone, lonely? Do they refuse to talk about your feelings when you need them most?

If you are with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself GET OUT.

I have a client who is at a turning point in her life and she needs some time by herself to figure things out. She still loves her man and she has tried to explain to him what she has been thinking. Not only does he not get it and not support her but he also told her that she is “out of her mind.”

And how did she react? She believed him. Because her self-esteem told her that he was right and that the way he was treating her was what she deserved.

I begged to disagree and worked with her as she distanced herself from the relationship. She set out doing her work, building her self-esteem, and eventually she was able to see clearly what she really deserved in a relationship – someone who respected and cherished her.

Not the man who told her she was “out of her mind.”

So ditch any partner who doesn’t make you feel 100%. There are plenty of people out there who can and will help you feel great!

#2 – Accomplish something BIG.

There is no better way to build a steely self-esteem than setting a goal and reaching it.

Now is the time to think of something that you have always wanted to accomplish and make it happen.

My client who was trying to find her place in the world had always longed to have a health and wellness program at her farm. She had grand ideas but had a hard time getting started on making the program happen. Working together with me, we created a step-by-step plan for her to have a Wellness Weekend at her farm. She reached out to a friend whose expertise complemented hers and together they worked to create a weekend retreat for 10 women, one where they learned about health and wellness and self care.

How did my client feel after accomplishing her goal? Like a million bucks. Not only did she inspire 10 women to live healthier lives but by taking the actions necessary to make her dreams come to fruition she knew that she could take on the world and conquer it.

Kind of like a superhero, right? Unvanquishable!

#3 – Get your swagger on.

I have a friend who always says that he loves it when I get my “swagger on.” I, like everyone else, have periods of time when I don’t feel so good about myself and I have learned that the best way to get through those times quickly is to make doing what makes me feel good a priority.

I always try to eat well, get enough sleep, walk and do yoga every day. By doing so my body feels strong and healthy and my mind relatively clear. For me, the next step to making myself feel good is to encase that strong body in a tight pair of jeans, put on some cowboys boots and take myself out onto the streets of New York City. Getting my swagger on.

What gets your swagger on? Is it having your hair done every month? Power walking in the afternoon while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack? Reading every book on the NYT bestseller list?

Whatever it takes to make you feel like you can step out of your front door and walk down the street with a bit of swagger.

Your self-esteem is built on swagger.

#4 – Give of yourself to others.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help build an iron clad self-esteem more than doing something for someone else. Truly, nothing.

When I was going through my divorce my self-esteem was at it’s lowest.  On the advice of a friend I started volunteering weekly at the local food bank. Four hours a week of helping other people get food to eat, for themselves and their families, made me feel so good. And not because I felt lucky because I wasn’t in their position but because I knew that I had made a substantial, positive difference in their lives. It made my heart sing.

Many of us don’t have time to volunteer but we can make a difference in other ways. Hold the door open for someone, buy that homeless person sitting outside the grocery store a sandwich, reach out to a friend you know is going through a hard time, give up your seat on the subway.

There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a smile of gratitude to wake up your self-esteem. And once it’s awake it will be hungry for more.

So try it. Reach out and make a difference in someone’s life today

#5 – Spend time with those who love you.

You know those people who have known you forever and who love you completely and totally, no matter how many times you have screwed up and disappointed them. Yes, those people. Those people are the people who you want to spend time with.

My client who was trying to find herself and whose boyfriend wasn’t being supportive was really struggling to find the strength to do what she needed to do. She was prepared to settle back into the life she had. It wasn’t perfect but it was good enough. Right?

Lucky for her, one of her oldest friends was in town and a dinner was arranged for the two of them and a third member of their mommy posse. It was exactly what she needed.

Her friends did not hesitate to remind her of how awesome she was. They pointed to specific examples of where she had succeeded in the past, how loved and supported she was by others, how important she was to the world. By loving and supporting her so completely they gave steel to her self-esteem, allowing it to remind her that there was nothing that she couldn’t do because she had done it before.

Your posse is your self-esteem’s best friend!

So there you go – my 5 Ways to Cultivate An Iron Clad Self Esteem.

When we are born we are gifted with the belief that we can do anything. Without it we might never learn to walk or talk or read or sing or love. Unfortunately, life experience can gradually rip our self-esteem to shreds.

Luckily, YOU can rebuild it. Rebuild it so that it’s bigger and stronger than it ever was before. Spend time only with those who love you, take care of yourself and others and make something BIG happen. Your self-esteem will be iron clad in no time.

You can do it! We both know you can!

Need more help rebuilding your self-esteem? Contact me and I can help.

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways to be More Productive – Even if You Never Have Been Before

Lack of productivity can be very destructive. It can lead to overwhelm, which can be paralyzing, and it can be very demoralizing, which can lead to low self-esteem.

Neither of those things help you live the life of your dreams.

There are a myriad of reasons why my clients seek me out to be their life coach but most often a piece of it is that they need some help with productivity. I am happy to report that without exception those clients who were willing to take on their low productivity reported a dramatic change after just a few weeks of working with me.

Today I am going to share with you the work that I have done with my clients so you can learn about being more productive.

Here is my latest: 5 Ways to be More Productive – Even if You Never Have Been Before.

#1 – Identify what it is you want. Precisely.

Many of my clients come to me with an idea of what they want from their life. A new job, a better marriage, improved relations with co-workers, how to move forward in a different way. What many of those clients haven’t done is identify what exactly it is they want. Without that knowledge moving forward is impossible.

I have a client who came to me because she was miserable in her job of 15 years but she just didn’t know what to do. She had tried to make adjustments at work so that she could be happier but to no avail. She was stuck with what to do next. Paralyzed in fact.

I asked her where she would go if she left her job. She had no idea. She knew that she wanted out but she had given no thought to where she would like to jump. And, I asked, how would you get to that new place. Again, my question was met with silence.

The next part was quick and easy. We brainstormed new career paths, ideas that made her heart sing. We then cleaned up her resume to reflect that new job she sought. Next she researched job opportunities and applied for those jobs. Within a few weeks she had some interviews and soon after found the job of her dreams.

All this because she identified precisely where she wanted to go. Without concrete information you are stuck. She was. And then she wasn’t.

#2 – Set goals.

Once you know what it is you want to do it’s time to set goals.

I have a client who had created a website and she had been working on it’s blog for almost a year. She had been tweaking and re-tweaking and then walking away, bored and frustrated, only to eventually come back and tweak it some more.

I asked her how determined she was to get this blog onto her site. Scale of 1-10. 10 she said. So we set a date. A date one month later. She put it on her calendar.

One month later, after years in process, after having set goals with me and making a plan, her blog was up.

Was she proud? Did her self-esteem go through the roof? Yes and yes. Awesome!

#3 – Make a plan.

Having a plan is an essential part of being productive. Without a plan you are stabbing about in the dark.

I have a client who HATED going to the grocery store. HATED it. So she didn’t. As a result she didn’t eat well and always felt weak.

I asked her why she hated the grocery store. She said the noise and the lights were annoying, things were hard to find, she never had time to find recipes of things to make, and she didn’t want to spend the money. All valid reasons.

So we made a plan. First we skipped the recipes. I had her make a list of things that she knew how to cook and of things she liked to eat. She made a list using those things as a basis and I helped her organize her list into groups that related to areas in the grocery store. We made a plan of when she could go, at times when it was less crowded. She also decided to wear her headphones so the noise was less daunting.

Last, but not least, we set a specific date and time. And when she was done shopping she had to call me. And you know what? She did it. She has food. She feels better. And she did it again the next week.

#4 – Have a great calendar and use it wisely.

I had a client who had the most lofty goals but she didn’t believe herself capable of following through on anything. As a result nothing ever got done.

Here is what we did. Every Sunday night we made a calendar for her for the week. On it, in red, were the things that she HAD to do. Doctor’s appointments, driving to soccer, her half hour walk, 1 hour of writing. And then, in green, were the things that she wanted to get done. Balancing her checkbook, cleaning out closets, making some phone calls. She added things in black as things popped up during the week.

Those items in red were non-negotiable. If an emergency came up and she wasn’t able do a red item then she had to immediately reschedule it for another day that week. It wasn’t allowed to fall through the cracks.

The green items were treated the same but they could be moved to the next week if necessary.

The black were things that tended to get done because they were last minute and she was able to get them done because that’s how she thrived, with a time limit.

She knew I would be checking up on her so she stuck to it as agreed.

It took a few weeks but using her calendar really allowed my client to be as productive as she had always hoped to be. And being so productive ramped up her self-esteem in a big way. She realized that she wanted to keep doing this, on her own, because she liked how she felt and she didn’t want to let herself down. So she did. I was proud.

#5 – Find someone to hold you accountable.

This is a big part of my role as a life coach. We all need accountability. Someone to encourage us to get things done and to help us figure out why when we don’t.

I know you have your friends and your family and your co-workers to support you but more often than not those people will lean towards supporting you, to listening to your rationalizations and letting you off the hook.

Not me.

I know the importance of staying on track, both for productivity’s sake and for building self-esteem. Productivity is important for its own sake – things need to get done. Period.

Another reason productivity is so important is because of it’s effect on your self-esteem. My client are always so hard on themselves because they can never get things done, they are so far behind, they let other people down. Not doing these things can boost one’s self-esteem significantly. And having higher self-esteem makes one more prone to being productive. See how that works?

It’s a win-win in so many ways.

So there you go, my 5 Ways to be More Productive.

Our lives are crazy, jam packed and exhausting. Not being productive can cause overwhelm, and overwhelm can lead you down a path that makes it all worse.

It doesn’t have to be this way. There are ways to be productive and make one’s life a little less exhausting. As you can see above, my clients prove that it can be done.

You can do it too!

Need more tips on being more productive? Contact me and I can help.

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!

5 Ways for Women to Remember that They are Worthy – Even if the Person in the Mirror Tells Them Otherwise

Worthiness. We are all born with an innate sense of worth. As babies we cry for food, demand attention and insist on doing things OUR WAY. It is this sense of worth that actually keeps us alive.

As women and mothers we tend to lose that sense of self-worth. So much of our time is spent tending to the needs of others, calming crying babies, assuaging angry partners, talking down disappointed clients, that we stop taking care of ourselves. And when we stop attending to our own needs we start losing our sense of self worth.

This is not ok. Not knowing how worthy we are can lead to patterns of behavior that only reinforce our belief that we are not worthy of being loved, cared for or living the life of our dreams. We let our children run all over us, our partners take us for granted and our bosses demean us. We stop eating well and taking care of ourselves and we stop reaching for what we want.

So here are my 5 Ways for Women to Remember that They are Worthy – Even if the Person in the Mirror Tells Them Otherwise.

#1 – Love yourself like you love your kids.

Take a moment and feel in your body how much you love your kids. That’s an easy feeling to get in touch with, isn’t it? You love your kids unconditionally and would lay down your life for them.

Now, imagine how it would feel to love yourself that way. To know that you always have someone with you who could remind you how awesome you are or to point out that you are totally capable of walking into your boss’ office and asking for what you need.

It would feel pretty good right?

So get in touch with your inner mom and keep her with you always.

#2 – Call your mother.

Look back on #1. Think about how you love your kids. Your mother loves you that much too. So call her.

I have a client who has a twice a weekly phone call with her mother. They don’t talk about anything in particular, just what is happening in each other’s lives.

This client’s mother is her daughter’s most faithful fan and cheerleader. She always reminds her daughter of what a great job she is doing as a parent and a wife, the toughest jobs in the world, and what a wonderful daughter she is for keeping in touch so often.

My client says that having one person in her life who regularly reminds her of her awesomeness has changed her life. It gives her the confidence in herself that feeds her desire to be all that she can be.

#3 – Think back to your wedding day

Your wedding day was a big day. It was a day that you and your partner promised to love and care for each other for a very long time. It was a day when your friends and family stood up for the two of you, supporting you as you started off on your life together.

Take a moment, pull out a photo if you have to, and remember how you felt on that day. The love you and your partner shared and the love that your friends and family gave you unconditionally. And look at how happy you were cutting that cake…

Remembering your wedding day will remind you that you love and are loved by a lot of people. And what better way to touch base with that inner self-worth than through a little bit of love?

#4 – Remember earlier successes

We have all had many, many successes in our lives but for some reason it is the failures that stick with us. You know those failures that keep you up at night, obsessing? Yep, those ones.

Instead of obsessing, try taking stock of the successes you have had. The “A” you got on your thesis in college, the interview that landed you that first job out of college, that dress you were rocking the day your partner first saw you, the 10lb child you gave birth to in 3 hours, without drugs. Those are all pretty huge successes. Ones you should celebrate.

Try keeping a list in your head, or even better on paper, of the successes that you have had in your life, the successes that deep down you are really proud of, and look back on them as needed. As reminders of just how amazing you are.

#5 – Relish your everyday victories

This is an important one. Many of us feel like we are failures all day, every day. We don’t pack an organic lunch for our kids and then we yell at them when they dawdle and miss the school bus. We are short with our partners when they let us down in some small way. We don’t get enough work done because we are trying to order shoes for the kids from Amazon. All of these we perceive as failures.

But really, we have successes in there too.

First and foremost, we get out of bed every day. Everyone should see that as a success. It’s not as easy as it sounds.

We might not pack organic but our kids do get lunch everyday. We might not have finished that spreadsheet but our kids will have shoes, which is important, and that spreadsheet will ultimately get finished.

And we get to crawl into bed with our partner at the end of the day and share the closeness that surviving another crazy day brings about.

So when those successes happen, recognize and relish them. Because you do have them. Every day.

So there you go. 5 Ways for Women to Remember that They are Worthy.

 In order to live the life of your dreams you need to get back in touch with that child who knew her worth, who demanded that she get what she needed to survive and thrive.

So try my tips and see what happens. And I have more tips to share so get in touch with me NOW and we can get you on the way to living the life of your dreams.

 

 

 

 

Mitzi Bockmann is a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. Her writing has been published in The Huffington PostPrevention MagazineThe Good Man Projectamong others. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Looking for more ways to finding happiness? Contact me NOW and I can help!