By now you have heard, I am sure, that according to Donald Trump the only reason that Hillary Clinton is being taken seriously is because she “has the woman card.” The interweb has, of course, gone nutty over this but what has surprised me is that women are shouting about all of the things that we women DON’T have because we are holding the “woman card,” not all of the things that we DO have.
Here are 7 reasons why I believe that holding the woman card is a good thing, full of benefits that men just wish they had.
#1 – With the woman card we are powerful.
Say what you want but a man will do ANYTHING to win the woman he wants. ANYTHING. A man wanting a woman started the Trojan War, forced a king to abdicate his throne and has brought down more American politicians than I can count.
#2 – With the woman card we are capable of being pregnant and giving birth.
We propagate the species. Enough said.
#3 – With the woman card we can ask for directions and choose a parking space…
…freeing up innumerable hours in a lifetime to pursue other pleasures.
#4 – With the woman card are skilled in the art of faking “it,”
…simultaneously making a man feel special and speeding up the process so that we can get some sleep. AND we can have multiple “it” without, um, recharging.
# 5 – With the woman card we can do many things that are deemed difficult or even impossible.
Like peeing standing up. Or giving birth without drugs. Or Thanksgiving dinner for 12.
#6 – With the woman card we can do many things at the same time.
We could even do #2-5 above without breaking a sweat and still have #1 be our reality.
# 7 – With the woman card we live longer.
We live longer. What man doesn’t want that? The ultimate frequent “woman card” user reward….
So. All you women out there. Remember. We rock. Don’t let anyone try to take your power or make you think less of yourself. Hold your head high, go for what you want and wield that woman card proudly.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
You know that voice in your head? The one that tells you that you aren’t doing enough? That you are fat and getting old? That you are a horrible parent and an even worse spouse? It’s a horrible voice, isn’t it?
I am here to tell you that you don’t have to pay attention to that voice. If you can teach yourself to talk back to it, to change your thoughts to be happier.
But how, you ask, do you talk back to the thoughts in your head? It is possible: all it takes is a little awareness and effort.
5 Ways to Change Your Thoughts:
Here are 5 most tested ways to change your thoudgts and be happier person.
#1 – Recognize that the thoughts in your head are just thoughts.
They are not the truth – they are something your brain has made up. For some reason, our brains are naturally inclined to go to the worst possible denominator when something goes awry.
If we make a mistake at work, we think, “I am terrible at this job and I am never going to be able to do it and I should just quit right now and crawl into a hole.”
Take a moment and think about this thought pattern with a clear mind. Is that the truth? Do you really think that you are a complete failure because you failed at one thing? Of course not.
In the moment, or moments, around an incident, that is where your brain goes. The key is to recognize it and to reframe it immediately. Instead, tell yourself, “I made a mistake this time and I have learned from it and I won’t make it again.”
If you don’t let your brain take you down to the darkest depths, it is easier to rise back up from a mishap and move forward.
#2 – Don’t judge yourself for your thoughts.
Once we recognize where our brains go in difficult situations, another phenomenon sets in – we start to judge ourselves for our thoughts. This is another brain trick, one we need to get around.
Your brain will make you think, “I am such a loser. Why does my brain always tell me I am so worthless? I must be worthless if I can’t stop my brain from going there.” Don’t let it! Instead of judging yourself, recognize that your brain is playing tricks on you, that there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you have the power to change it. Don’t let the guilt seep in. Block it and shut it down.
Power is a very valuable thing to have.
#3 – When you make a mistake, think of an earlier success.
Ack to the example above. When you make a mistake, instead of saying to yourself, “Oh I messed this up, how will I ever be successful at anything ever again?” a good idea is to think back to a difficult situation that you have been in before and gotten past.
What happened? How did you get past it? What did you learn from it? Remind your brain that you have had successes, many of them, and that this one mistake isn’t going to bring down the rest of your life.
#4 – Do something to give your brain a rest.
We get these thoughts in our head all day/ every day, no matter how well our lives are going. Giving yourself a break from them is an important tool in not letting these thoughts get the best of you.
This kind of a break is what yoga and meditation are all about: focusing your thoughts on something other than the thoughts that are bringing you down. Yoga and meditation are great, but not everyone’s thing.
You can give your brain a break by watching your favorite show, reading a book, singing along to a song, talking to a friend. Whatever you need to do to rest your brain, stop running those negative tapes over and over. After your rest you will be more resilient in talking back to your brain when needed.
#5 – Love yourself like you love your kids.
If you think about it, every day, our kids say out loud things that are very similar to those voices we hear in our heads. And, because they say them out loud, we can help them work through them to guide them in reframing their thoughts. And we do this because we love them and want them to be happy and healthy. Love yourself like you love your kids, and teach yourself to reframe those thoughts.
Remember, those thoughts in our head don’t always benefit us, and they are NOT the truth. They are just thoughts. Learn to recognize, reframe and move forward, and your life will be a happier place. See? It is possible…
Are you struggling to change your thoughts to be happier? I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before giving up feels like the only option! Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
We all wish that there were more hours in the day. More often than not, every mom feels like she just hasn’t done enough with her day when she finally crawls into bed at night. And usually she feels most guilty about the time she didn’t spend with her kids. That guilt leaves moms feeling dissatisfied, self-doubting, and unhappy.
I am here to show you how to change that. Yes, life is busy, and the days seem short, but it is possible to make more time for your kids every day and go to bed feeling good.
#1 – Make spending time with your kids a priority.
Build it into your day. Write it on your list. Make it one of things that you can cross off when completed.
Going to the post office? Bring one of your kids and let them put the mail in the slot. Cooking dinner? Have one of your kids sit at the breakfast bar and help you chop the veggies. Walking the dog? Let one of your kids hold the leash. See how you can do that? And if you give your kids some responsibilities during your activities, you are killing two birds with one stone – time well spent and a life lesson given.
Jackie never included her kids in her errands because she thought they would find them boring, and she couldn’t finish them efficiently. And then, one day, her 9 year old son came into the kitchen as she was making dinner. She asked him if he wanted to cut the mushrooms.
His eyes lit up, and he said YES. She set him up with her biggest, safest knife, and he cut the mushrooms. They weren’t as perfect as she might have made them, and it took a bit longer than usual, but the look on her son’s face as he wielded that knife and the chatting they did as he cut them made it all worth while.
#2 – Recognize the difference between quality and quantity time.
So many moms don’t do what they want to do because they think they don’t have enough time. They don’t exercise because they think they need more time than they have, so they give up the whole thing. It’s the same with spending time with your kids. You don’t need to spend an hour with them and organize some fancy activity. Talk to them in car on the way home from school. Take a few minutes at bed-time to connect whenever you can, ask them about themselves and their experiences. Just make the minutes worthwhile.
#3 – Make a date.
I know this goes against what I wrote above, but you should have regular dates with every important person in your life (including yourself!). Our lives are so chaotic and jam-packed, and it’s important to take the time to connect with the people who are important to you. So, make a date with your child. Go to the movies, get some ice cream, take a drive, indulge in a little fast food. Make a date and make it memorable.
One of my clients made an effort to take her kids camping every year. Just her and her kids. No spouse. They eat jiffy pop and marshmallows, go miniature golfing, and stay up late around the campfire. It is a special and memorable time every year, one that they all look forward to. You can do something like this or smaller, more frequent outings.
#4 – Get involved in their activities.
Kids these days are busy, busy, busy, just like their parents. What better way to share time with them than by partaking in one of their activities. You can volunteer to coach their soccer team, be the classroom mom, or be the designated driver to summer camp. Better yet, you can get involved in an activity with them. You could enroll in a class together… martial arts, ballets, arts and crafts, anything you want.
A client of mine enrolled in a sewing class with her daughter. They had both always wanted to learn how to sew, and this was the perfect opportunity. They got to spend time together, laugh together when they made mistakes, and ultimately each made a piece of clothing that will always remind them of their time together. Priceless.
#5 – Get off your phone!
I am sure this one bears no explanation but no list about spending time with your kids is complete without it. Time spent on your phone, tablet, or laptop is not spent with your kids- no matter how good at multitasking you think you are. So, when your kids are around, please turn it off. If you do, you will find the time to make the suggestions above. And your kids will love you for it.
We moved to Tokyo when my kids were little, and when we asked them what they liked best about living there, they both said, “mom’s cell phone stayed in Maine.” Telling…
Your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy, but finding ways to make more time with your kids is still important. Doing so will improve your relationship with them and allow you to go to bed at night feeling less guilty. Wouldn’t that feel great?
What do you do to spend time with your kids? All would appreciate creative ideas, I am sure!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
