5 Life-Changing Ways that Life Coaching is Different from Therapy

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You have been considering life coaching because you have heard that it can change your life. You have might have been in therapy for years and, while it has helped you very much, you know that you are still stuck in many ways.

So now you are considering life coaching and you want to know more.

Let me help!

5 Life-Changing Ways that Life Coaching is Different from Therapy

#1 – If therapy is like archeology, life coaching is like architecture.

A wise person once told me that therapy is like archeology. You dig deep into your history and try to sort through what you find to figure yourself out.

In life coaching one takes what one already has, the stuff learned from therapy and the realities that are your life today, and builds on that. You learn how to live fully with all that you carry with you, to shed what you can and to move forward confidently.

While therapy and life coaching both have their benefits, with life coaching you can be sure that you will be doing more than just talking. You will be defining and taking radical, exciting and fun steps to change your life, and your future, right away.

#2 – In life coaching you will learn to identify EXACTLY what it is you want.

The thing about life is that we know when something is missing. When we aren ‘ t happy or fulfilled. The key to change is identifying what exactly is that missing thing.

One of my clients knew that she just wasn ‘ t happy in her marriage. Her husband worked hard, they didn ‘ t argue, was a good father etc. She just wasn ‘ t satisfied. We talked it through and she realized that what was missing was the thing that she needed most to feel loved – communication. Simply talking. About life and stuff and issues. Just talking.

Once we identified what she needed we could make a plan for how to get it.

#3 – In life coaching we will create a step-by-step plan to get what you want.

Once we identified that my client needed more communication in her life we addressed how she could get it.

It wasn ‘ t so simple for my client to just ask for it. She wanted her husband to be the one that initiated it. We talked about whether he had the capacity to do that. To initiate. Some people just don ‘ t. After some thought she realized that he probably didn ‘ t and that she was going to have to make the first move.

She decided, after some conversation with me, that she would ask that they could schedule in some time every day to talk and to put it on the calendar. If it was on the calendar he would initiate, that she knew.

So that ‘ s what she did. And their marriage improved. Sometimes it ‘ s just as easy as that.

#4 – In life coaching you will be held accountable.

Accountability is an essential part of successful life coaching.

When my client sets a goal I am there on the sidelines to make sure it happens. And how do I do that? Pestering and holding her accountable.

I had a client who decided she needed to walk 3 days a week. I knew that if she walked three days a week for 6 weeks she would be able to make it a habit and therefore stick to it. She knew that in the past she had dropped her goal within a week or so and she didn ‘ t want to do that again.

So, for 6 weeks, I would text my client every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to see if she had walked. If she didn ‘ t she would have to confess to it. And she didn ‘ t want to have to do that.

It ‘ s been 6 months and my client is up to 4 days a week and she is feeling great. She says that having my encouragement, and pestering, made all the difference.

#5 – In life coaching you will feel and see tangible results quickly.

Speedy results! This is the wonderful thing about life coaching. You don ‘ t have to wait months and months to see change. Change happens as quickly as you want to make it happen. It relies almost exclusively on you and the work that you are willing to do.

When you identify issues and create goals to get you there you can make things happen. And life coaching is the vehicle that enables you to do that! And fast!

So there you go. 5 Life-Changing Ways that Life Coaching is Different from Therapy.

Life coaching truly is life changing. And that life change can be yours right now if you reach out to a life coach (like me!) who can help you identify exactly what you want, help you create a path to get there and hold you accountable for making it happen.

Imagine what it would feel like to finally change that thing in your life that is holding you back.

You can do it!

How To Show Your Kids You Love Them Without Using Your Words

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We all love our kids. From the moment they are born we swear that we will do everything in our power to protect them and give them a good life. But sometimes it’s hard to know how to show your kids you love them other than by telling them so.

Unfortunately, our lives and our lived experiences can get in the way and we don ‘ t always do the best we can by our kids.

There are a few things that we can do, every day, that will let our kids know that we love them, even if it isn ‘ t that obvious to them.

#1 – Listen to them.

When my kids were growing up they and all of their friends spent a ton of time at our house. I always thought it was because of my amazing chocolate chip cookies but I have since learned that they liked to spend time there because I actually listened to them.

Our kids have a lot to say but we often don ‘ t listen. We are so caught up in our own lives and our own assumptions about what they are saying that we don ‘ t actually LISTEN to the words that come out of their mouths.

Yes, a lot of nothing can come out of our kid’s mouths but if you aren ‘ t truly listening you could miss that little morsel, the thing that comes out that shouldn ‘ t be ignored.

So put down your phone and listen to your kids. Today.

#2 – Let them be kids.

Remember when we were young? Our parents used to send us out the back door after breakfast and tell us not to come home until luncheon. We used to walk to school. We used to have play dates in the afternoon. We got dirty and made messes and had a whole lot of fun.

Today ‘ s kids are over protected and over scheduled. As a result they are stressed out little versions of their parents. And they become stressed out adults soon after.

Give your kids some space and some time. Let them know what it is like to have nothing to do and time to fill. Let them bike to a friend ‘ s house so they don ‘ t live in fear. Let them scrape their knee and get up and keep on playing.

Being an adult is really hard. Let them be kids for as long as you can.

#3 – Be the grown up.

One thing I see more than anything in my work is parents who act like children around their children.

What do I mean by this?

I have a client whose child is very difficult. She is rude and acts out and is generally very hard to be around. Instead of understanding that her child is really struggling in the world, my client takes her child ‘ s behavior personally. Instead of recognizing, with her adult brain, that her child is struggling and needs her support, she snaps back in the same way she was just snapped at.

All of this snapping just makes the situation worse. And her child has learned that she can ‘ t rely on her mother to help or support her in any way.

Imagine if, instead, my client was able to react to her daughter’s behavior in a less personal manner. If she stayed calm and empathized and listened and hugged. Instead of ratcheting up her daughter’s behavior, she was able to soothe it and calm her. How much better would that be for everyone?

So be the grown up. Know that your child is young and inexperienced and needs a guiding hand. The guiding hand of their parent.

#4 – Embrace your kids’ dreams.

Soon after I graduated from college my father took me shopping for job interview clothing. We bought a fabulous suit (this was the 80 ‘ s) and then went out for lunch.

Halfway through our bottle of wine, I was prattling on about the dream I had about my life. The exciting things that I would do. I was young and the world was my oyster.

What did my dad say in response to my dreams? I think you are going to have a really average life. That is what my dad said.

35 years later I still remember what he said that day. And I would be lying if what he said doesn ‘ t reverberate in my head with every new life choice I make, if the words that my father said to me didn’t affect my belief in myself.

So embrace your kids’ dreams. Even if they seem out of reach to your adult mind, encourage them to dream. To want to make the most out of their life. Knowing they have their parents support is the best motivator any kid could have.

#5 – Make your kids the priority.

One thing that my kids know, and have always known, is that if they need me I will move heaven and earth to be there for them.

At times making them a priority has interfered with my life. I stayed home with them instead of pursuing a career so that they would always know I would be there for them. I neglected my marriage so that I could be there for them. I have walked away from men who weren ‘ t a good fit with my kids for them.

But I know that in this scary, scary world my kids know, to their very core, that they have one person they can always rely on to be there for them. And as a result they feel safe.

What a gift that is. To always feel safe.

Of course you love your kids. Even the most absent parent still loves their kids. But the single most important, most formative relationship one has in one ‘ s life is the relationship with a parent. Treat it that way.

So show you kids your love them in more ways than one. Listen to them, let them be kids, support them and prioritize them. If you do so you will set them up to be happy, healthy, well adjusted and fully loved grown ups. And what a gift that will be.

Oh. One more thing. Buy them a bike. Every kid needs a bike ‘ ¦.

 

 

5 Things To Stop Doing If You Are Battling Depression

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Are you feeling hopeless and full of despair? Do you question everything about the life you are living? Your career or your relationships? Is the prospect of taking even one step out the door just more than you can bear right now?

If you said yes to any or all of these questions you are most likely depressed. And being depressed sucks.

I know. I have lived with depression for 52 years.

Depression can be a chemical imbalance in your body but it can also be the result of something going on in your life. Either way, there are things to stop doing if you are battling depression.

#1 – Stop lying around!

The number one symptom of depression is the inability to get out of bed. The number on thing to stop doing if you are battling depression is to get out of bed.

The comfort of our cozy beds, and the escape of sleep, is hard to resist when we are struggling with depression. We are super-comfortable and in our beds we don ‘ t have to deal with anything. And our dreams are far better than our realities.

Even so, GET OUT OF BED.

The problem with staying in bed is that ruminating on how bad you are feeling is the worst way to deal with depression. And that is what you will do during your awake times. Also, the more time you spend in bed the less energy you will have to deal with life and your emotions when you have to.

So, do what you can to make your bed a less appealing place. Take your mattress off its box spring and lean it against the wall. Remove your sheets and comforter first thing in the morning. Keep your window shades open and your room bright. What ever it takes to get you out of bed and keep you out.

#2 – Stop beating yourself up.

Being depressed is NOT YOUR FAULT.

Whether you are chemically depressed or depressed because of a life situation, your depression is not your fault. Your depression is directly caused by something out of your control.

Blaming yourself for your depression, and beating yourself up about it, will only intensify the depth and length of your sadness.

So take a moment and consider the reason why you are feeling depressed. Is it because your boyfriend broke up with you or is it something that just happens to you sometimes?

Either way, it ‘ s not your fault. So let the blame go.

#3 – Stop drinking and doing drugs.

I know. Drinking and drugs will make your depression magically disappear. A night out with the girls, with some wine and dancing, will make you feel like 100 bucks.

And then, the next morning, you will feel more depressed than ever. Probably even worse.

Alcohol and drugs are depressants – they cause depression. So avoid them at all costs.

Try ice cream instead!

Looking for help dealing with your depression? Reach out and I can help!

#4 – Stop isolating yourself.

Yes, the tendency to stay home, in our beds, watching Netflix and ruminating about how horrible our lives are is very tempting when we are depressed. But DON ‘ T DO IT.

Getting out of the house and doing things is the key to managing your depression. Actually doing something, like taking a hike or going to the grocery store, will go a long way towards alleviating your depression, even if only for a bit.

Interacting with people while doing something is even better. Spending time with others, smiling, talking, sharing, is a very effective way to ease your depression. The act of smiling has actually been proven to ease sadness. Being with people will take your mind off of how sad you are which can be a huge relief.

So, after the next NetFlix episode, make a plan and get out there and do something. It doesn ‘ t have to be anything big but do something.

Don ‘ t let that depression get the best of you!

#5 – Stop being silent.

For many of us, being depressed is an embarrassing thing. Society has imposed such a stigma on depression that people are hesitant to share when they are feeling sad.

Share away. Talk to a friend, a relative, your doctor. Tell them how you are feeling. Don ‘ t expect them to fix you but do let them know that you are struggling with your feelings right now.

Sharing emotions is an excellent way to manage them. Sharing allows an energetic release from the body and it gives you an opportunity to have others help and support you.

So don ‘ t be embarrassed by how you are feeling. It is not your fault. Reach out to friends for love and support. You will be glad you did.

Depression is a horrible thing to have to manage. For me it feels like I am carrying around a 100lb gorilla on my back. Even taking one step seems like more than I can bear.

If you are looking for things to stop doing if you are battling depression, listen to me. I know that if I do take that step, if I get out of bed, take care of myself and interact with people, that 100lb gorilla will get lighter, that I will get some relief.

So do it. GET OUT OF BED NOW and get started!

Are you struggling with depression?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

6 SHOCKING Things Men Want From Women, As Told When I Asked

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Recently I asked a number of male friends what things men want from women, other than tons of sex. Without exception, they precluded their responses with If the answer can ‘ t be about sex then I want ‘ ¦.

Their answers surprised me so I am sharing them with you.

#1 – No sex is okay.

Interestingly, while lots of sex was theme for all of the guys, the option of NO sex was important as well.

Men love to have sex but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can ‘ t or don ‘ t want to have sex and that it will be okay.

While to us women that might seem like not a big deal, to many men it is because so much of their identity is tied up in their sexuality.

So accept that sometimes your man can just say NO. Perhaps he will rub your feet instead ‘ ¦

#2 – Cease the Mission Creep.

Mission Creep? This is a term that I had never heard of before but all of my guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them.

The definition of Mission Creep: a gradual shift in objectives during the course of a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.

As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.

Rules. Rules that didn ‘ t exist at the start of the relationship but crept in slowly.

The solution, as suggested by a man: 1. Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going. 2. Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).

Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change!

#3 – Remind him that he is special.

Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting. At the end of the day who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?

But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?

So do the same for your partner. One guy’s idea: Plan a weekend away. Arrange and pay for the room. Schedule something that I would want to do with you. Make it special for him.

Another guy said: Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy.

You get the idea. Run with it!

Want to talk more about men and relationships? Let’s do it!

#4 – Let him be friends with girls.

This one is straightforward. Your guy had girl friends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his FRIENDS.

Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?

So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful. Let him have girl friends who he can be himself with, where he has nothing to prove.

#5 – Think before you react.

One of my guys, one who I thought was not the kind of guy to do what he suggested, said the following:

Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions which get internalized.

This makes sense. And it ‘ s incredibly difficult. To try to pause before you react, to understand where his statement is coming from so you can respond in a way that is productive and respectful.

Good advice. I was obviously wrong about this guy.

He finished the text with: then agree to get laid like the world is ending.

#6 – Walk around naked, dammit.

This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it.

It ‘ s that simple. Walk around naked. And if it feels better to walk around in your underpants or underwear, then okay, a little mystery is good too.

Need the garden edged? Prune the apple trees? Just call me when you’re wearing little-to-nothing.

We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you sexy.

Okay…so that’s pretty simple. Get naked. Just as simple as taking off a few clothes when you do chores or hang out on the porch in your bikini. Yeah, that polka dot one….we LOVE it.

And it ‘ s really not about sex. We just love you naked. You know that old joke: How to please a woman? A very long list follows. Flowers, dinner reservations, pay attention, listen, etc….How to please a man: show up naked, bring beer.

Enough said.

We all, men and women both, love being in a relationship. And we women usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.

But, so things don ‘ t get lopsided, it ‘ s important that we women know the things that men want from women.

So pay attention. Listen to what your guys wants and do it! See what happens.

I am guessing you will be happy you did….

Do youwantto know more about men and what they want in relationships?
Let me help you before not knowing damages your relationship!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

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