Feeling Depressed After a Break Up? 5 Surprising Reasons Why

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Are you feeling depressed after a break up? Are you totally miserable and wondering why?

Feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. While it ‘ s not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising, reasons why you are feeling depressed and those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.

Here are 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a break up.

#1 – Fear.

When we are going through the pain of a break up we are experiencing fear in many forms.

We are afraid that we will be forever alone, that no one will ever love us again. We are afraid that we are unlovable. We are afraid that we are flawed. We are afraid that we will never be happy. We are afraid that our dreams of marriage and a family will never come true.

These fears are certainly understandable but, fortunately, they are mostly like completely unfounded even if they feel really true to you in this moment.

I have never yet met someone who broke up with someone and never found another person to love. There are millions of people out there and at least one more of them is out there waiting for you.

You are definitely not un-loveable or flawed – you just weren ‘ t well matched with your ex.

You will be happy again. I know that it ‘ s hard to imagine right now as you go through the pain of a break up but you will be!

And there is still plenty of time for your dreams to come true.

One of the reasons we feel so much pain is because of our fear. It can be hard to manage but it can be easier to push back on if we are aware of exactly what we are afraid of! So, take a look at what you are afraid of and question if what you fear is really true.

#2 – Boredom.

I know, you are depressed after a break up and believe that you will never be happy again. And your depression is warranted. But I would also argue that a lot of your depression comes from sheer boredom.

When we break up with someone, we lose a playmate. Someone to watch TV with, to go out to dinner with, to fool around with, to just hang out with during those down times. And now you don ‘ t have that person.

For a lot of people, when they are feeling depressed after a break up, they stop doing things. They don ‘ t feel like doing things because they are depressed but they also aren ‘ t used to doing things without their person so they don ‘ t do anything at all. As a result, they are bored and they spend lots of time thinking about their ex and they get depressed.

I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. I was just talking to a client who said that just taking a trip to Starbucks brightened her day, at least temporarily. Sitting at home, obsessing, was sucking the life out of her!

I know it ‘ s hard during these times of Covid to keep yourself busy but now is the time to work to do so. Facetime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch rom-coms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.

Honestly, you might not be missing your ex as much as you think you are and keeping yourself busy might prove that!

#3 -Wasted time.

It ‘ s interesting – many of my clients are depressed after a break up because they lament the time that they invested in their ex. Everyone has hopes and dreams and when they lose someone, they feel like they have had to let go of their hopes and dreams forever.

Many people stay in relationships that aren ‘ t serving them because they have ‘ ˜invested so much time already. ‘ They don ‘ t want to have to go back to online dating and start all over again. So, they stay. And then, when the relationship eventually fails anyway, they have wasted even more time.

If you are obsessing about the time wasted in a relationship with your ex, let it go. Yes, it ultimately didn ‘ t work out but I am guessing that you had some really good times and perhaps you have even learned some things about yourself that will help you in future relationships.

#4 – Self Doubt.

Many of us don ‘ t realize that when we are feeling depressed after a break up it ‘ s because we are feeling so badly about ourselves.

If we are left by someone, we question why we weren ‘ t good enough. If we do the leaving, we wonder what is wrong with us that we can ‘ t find a steady relationship. We truly believe that we are flawed in some deep way and that we will never be happy with someone and get the things we want in our lives.

Let me tell you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Yes, you weren ‘ t well matched with your ex but that doesn ‘ t mean you are flawed. Of course, I encourage everyone to take a good look at themselves and see what they have learned over the course of the relationship but that doesn ‘ t mean that you are damaged or unloveable in any way just that you, like everyone, are a work in progress and a human being.

You are how you are. If someone doesn ‘ t see how amazing you are, they aren ‘ t worthy of you. If you chose a partner in error, remember we all make mistakes.

The important thing is to pick yourself back up, have faith in yourself and your ability to connect and keep on looking for your happily ever after! You are absolutely worthy of a happily ever after!

#5 – The Big Picture.

One of things that people really don ‘ t notice when they are feeling depressed after a break up is that there is a whole lot more depressing stuff going on in the world. And those things make our depression worse.

I have a client who is struggling big time with a broken heart and every day focuses in on it being the source of her depression. The reality is is that she is also struggling with a daughter she is estranged from, job insecurity and Covid-19. Those are all things that are mostly out of her control so it ‘ s hard to face them. And when she feels badly about them, she defaults back to ruminating about her break up. Instead of understanding that she has a lot of challenges in the world, she blames all of her unhappiness on her broken heart.

So, ask yourself, what are you struggling with these days, other than your break up? Are some of those things things that you haven ‘ t dealt with because focusing on your broken heart is easier? If the answer is yes, understand that part of the depression that you are feeling are those things and not just your broken heart!

Feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. It ‘ s not fun but it ‘ s natural.

It is surprising that often times what we feel is making us so depressed, the end of our relationship, is not necessarily the only thing that is making us depressed.

We are depressed because we are afraid of the future, because we are bored, because we are struggling with wasted time and self doubt and because the world is damn hard place to cope with these days.

So, as you ride out your broken heart, take stock of these 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a break up and know that you will get through this time and out the other side better than ever!

You can do it!

5 Key Behaviors that Help Build A Healthy Relationship after Infidelity

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Have you or your partner had an affair and are you now wondering if you can have a healthy relationship after infidelity?

Many people say no, that it is not possible to be happy after a partner has strayed but I believe that it is possible to get past an affair and be happy again.

Having a healthy relationship after infidelity is something to strive for but it won ‘ t happen without a lot of hard work and patience.

Here are 5 key behaviors to make sure are part of your relationship so that you, too, can get through this time together, as a couple.

#1 – Resolve.

First and foremost, both members of a relationship need to be resolved to make this relationship work.

Often times, after an affair, the person who strayed is only interested in putting the affair behind them and moving on. The person who was betrayed is often harder to convince. They are left with questions, ones that often go unanswered, self doubt, lack of trust and serious doubts about the future.

If both partners aren ‘ t resolved to work on recovering their relationship, there is no way it can happen.

I have a client whose partner strayed twice. She feels horribly betrayed but is willing to work to get their marriage back on track. Her husband simply wants the affair to disappear and for everything to go back to normal. He says he wants to do the work and is willing to go to a therapist but his heart isn ‘ t really in it. As a result, she is frustrated, even more hurt and questioning the future of her marriage.

So, unless both members are determined to do the work, the chances of having an healthy relationship after infidelity are minimal.

#2 – Communicate.

As I say in EVERY blog I write, communication in any healthy relationship is of utmost importance. Without communication, relationships are doomed to fail.

After an affair, communication becomes even more important. What I have seen in almost all of my clients who have been betrayed is the desire to understand the how and why of the affair.

How did you meet? Where did you meet? Why did you meet? How long have I been lied to? Did you laugh about me while you did this? Will this happen again? How will things be different this time?

In many cases, the person who had the affair isn ‘ t willing, or able, to answer those questions. Often times, affairs just happen – they literally sneak up on the two people and before you know it, a relationship has been betrayed. When this happens, it’s hard to answer the ‘ ˜why. ‘ Also, people who have affairs often feel so guilty and ashamed that they don ‘ t want to talk about it. They know they have let down and betrayed their partner and they are mortified.

No matter what the reason it might be difficult to talk about an affair, to answer the questions that might come up, it is essential that both are done. Honesty and transparency are the keys to how a couple can rebuild a healthy relationship after infidelity.

So, make an effort to address each others questions. If it is difficult to do so, dig deep and try. If you can ‘ t, it is important that you get the help of a therapist or a life coach who can help you draw out the answers.

#3 – Understand.

It is very important for both members of a relationship to understand, and accept, how the other is feeling.

The person who has been betrayed is full of questions, struggling with self doubt, angry, sad, scared, lacking in confidence and generally confused and overwhelmed by what has happened to their lives.

The person who has strayed is often wracked with self loathing, guilt, sadness, fear, confusion and remorse.

Both of these people ‘ s feelings are real and need to be acknowledged and accepted. People who have been betrayed often feel that their partner ‘ s feelings aren ‘ t warranted or relevant and push back against them. Betrayers often get angry with their partner for their intense feelings and want it to all go away.

By acknowledging and accepting each other ‘ s emotions, each of the people will feel heard and seen, key parts of developing the building blocks for a healthy relationship after infidelity.

#4 – Enjoy.

I know that this seems inconceivable right now but it is really important that you both, when you are ready, make an effort to enjoy each other ‘ s company.

There was a time when you were in love, when there were many things that you enjoyed doing together. These things connected you and helped make your love stronger.

I have a client who genuinely enjoys being with his partner but still struggles with accepting the affair. Last time we talked he did say to me, very clearly, that he and his wife were still good friends and that gave him hope that they could work through everything and reconnect.

So, if you feel like you can, with authenticity, strive to do the things together that used to make you feel connected. Picnics, trips to a bookstore, a musical event or a hike – anything else that will make you both remember that once you liked each other and that there is hope that you will again.

#5 – Touch.

I know that the idea of touching your partner after their betrayal is inconceivable but it is an essential part of building a healthy relationship after infidelity.

I am not talking about sex. I am talking about the simple things – hand holding, hugging, brushing up against each other in the kitchen. Touch is the thing that can keep couples together more than anything.

Make up sex is a perfect example of this. After an argument, many couples like to have sex. They do because the physical connection draws them back together. The sex connects them in a way that words can not and helps settle the argument and the hard feelings left afterwards.

Again, I am not saying that you need to have sex with your person right away but I am encouraging you to hug them. They say that a 10 second hug everyday can help a couple keep their relationship healthy and strong.

It is possible to have a healthy relationship after infidelity.

Infidelity rocks our world in a way that almost nothing else can. And believing that you can get past it and be happy again might seem impossible from where you sit now. But you can do it!

If you and your partner are both determined, if you are able to communicate in a healthy way, if you are able to acknowledge and accept the other ‘ s feelings, if you seek out things that you enjoy doing together and if you can explore touching each other again, you have an excellent chance of having that healthy relationship that you seek.

I know it seems hard right now but I promise you, you can do it!

5 Things to Do (And to Not Do) When Your Spouse is Feeling Depressed

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When your spouse is feeling depressed it can feel like the world is ending. Watching your loved one suffer and feeling helpless in the face of it is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Fortunately, when your spouse is feeling depressed, there are things that you can do to support them through it. Almost more importantly, there are things that you definitely shouldn ‘ t do to help your person manage and get through their depression.

Here are 5 of things you can do and 5 things you shouldn’t do.

#1 – Acknowledge but don ‘ t fix.

When you see your spouse feeling depressed, it ‘ s important that you don ‘ t run away from them.

Dealing with depression and sadness is daunting and the instinct is often to run away because we don ‘ t know what to do.

The most important thing for you to do when your spouse is feeling depressed is to acknowledge to them that you see that they are depressed. Just knowing that your partner is aware of how you are feeling can help people manage their depression.

Once you have acknowledged their depression, is it important that you don ‘ t try to talk your partner out of it. Don ‘ t say ‘ ˜but your life is great, why are you depressed? ‘ or ‘ ˜it ‘ s such a pretty day out – be happy ‘ or ‘ ˜snap out of it. ‘

All of those things will only serve to let your spouse know that you don ‘ t, in fact, understand the place they are in and it will only make them feel worse because they know all those things to be true but can ‘ t snap out of it nonetheless.

So, when your spouse is feeling depressed, acknowledge what you see but don ‘ t, don ‘ t, don ‘ t try to fix it

#2 – Give them space, if they want it.

Many of us, when we are feeling depressed, need some space to help manage it.

It ‘ s a lot of work trying to be positive for someone when we are depressed so giving us space can be very helpful.

That being said, giving us too much space can make us feel alone and even more mired in our depression so it ‘ s important that you don ‘ t abandon us completely.

Perhaps you could go for a run and then come home and just be in the house, not being overly cheerful but checking in on your person to let them know you are there. Perhaps you could suggest a movie to take your partner ‘ s mind off of the depression, even if just temporarily.

Ask your partner what they want as far as space. Hopefully they can be self aware and let you know what they need. Once you know, making every effort to give it to them will help them manage the depression and hopefully ride it out.

#3 – Make a plan and stick to it.

What I did so that my boyfriend would know what to do when I was struggling with depression is, when I wasn ‘ t depressed, make a plan for what I did need when I was feeling down. That way, if I wasn ‘ t able to articulate what I needed when I am feeling depressed then he would have a resource to help him help me.

For me, when I am feeling depressed, there are a few things that always help. They are: a hike, a movie, sex, Pad Thai and a nap. All of those things I know will help me manage my depression. They might not get rid of my depression but the distraction of a movie and a nap, the endorphins produced by a hike and sex and the sheer yumminess of Pad Thai are all things that can help me through.

Once my partner knew what I needed when I was depressed it was way easier for him to help me through it.

So, make a plan with your partner about what they need when they are feeling depressed. Knowing what your spouse needs will make it way easier for you to feel like you are doing good helping them.

#4 – Be positive but be real.

It is important that, when your partner is feeling depressed, you make an effort to be positive. Misery loves company so if you are down when your partner is down, it might make things worse.

That being said, being overly positive, to the point that you are cloying and annoying won ‘ t help at all. Don ‘ t tell them that their life is good, that people love them, that the sun is out, that they have no reason to be unhappy, that they should just snap out of it. None of these things will help and could only make things work. People get depressed, even if all of those things above are true.

When your spouse is feeling depressed, be positive. Tell them that you love them and that you see them and that you accept where they are right now. Tell them that you will be there for them, no matter what.

If you are feeling down yourself, perhaps because your partner is depressed, be honest with them and take some time for yourself. If you can ‘ t be positive, you aren ‘ t good for your spouse.

#5 – Seek help but don ‘ t push.

When your spouse is feeling depressed, it is important to know that help is out there.

Oftentimes, when those we love are struggling, it ‘ s easy to get mired in the now – in the tears, the anger and the chaos that can result when your spouse is feeling depressed.

Fortunately, there are lots of resources out there for both people living with depression and for those who love them. Seeing a therapist or a life coach, getting involved with a support group, talking to your primary care doctor or getting involved with NAMI are all great resources for dealing with depression. Make yourself familiar with them and use them as you see fit.

It is important to know that you can ‘ t force your spouse to get help. Until they are willing to accept that they are depressed and be willing to reach out to a doctor or therapist, any attempts by you to get them help will be useless. What you can do is share the resources that you find with your partner so that they know they are out there.

Sometimes, when people are depressed, they get so hopeless that it ‘ s hard to believe that anything could possibly help. So, make the info available for when they are ready.

When your spouse is feeling depressed it can sometimes feel like the world is ending.

You love your partner but the chaos caused by the depression can be hard to deal with. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to help mitigate the damage and perhaps make change going forward.

Make sure you acknowledge your partner’s mood but don ‘ t try to fix it, give them space but not too much, make a plan for how to manage, be positive but not cloying and know that there is help out there.

Depression gets worse the more it goes untreated so it ‘ s important that you pay attention to your spouse ‘ s depression and if you see it getting deeper, consider reaching out to your family doctor for help. They can help you take the first steps towards helping your spouse get better.

5 Expectations To Set For Yourself When Going Through a Break Up

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When you are going through a break up, the prospect of getting on with your life seems completely impossible.

You are alone, in pain, missing your person and you have no hope that you will ever be happy again. Your life is horrible and you aren ‘ t sure how you are going to get through it.

I can promise you that you will get through it. Broken hearts don ‘ t last forever and there are some things that you can do to hasten their mending.

An important piece of getting over your broken heart quicker is to set expectations for yourself when you are going through a break up, expectations that will allow you to be strong in the face of everything that is happening and have hope for the future.

Let me share some excellent expectations that you can set so that you can get well and move one.

#1- You will not reach out.

What I tell my clients who are going through a break up is that the number one most important part of surviving a break up and getting past it is to go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘

Many of us seek to be friends with our ex or stalk them on social media or ask their friends how they are – generally just going about our lives as if our ex was still a part of it.

And this never works.

A client of mine, whose boyfriend broke up with her after 8 years, was obsessed with following his Instagram and Facebook feeds. She saw him looking happy, going on with his life and getting a new girlfriend. The hurt that she felt looking at his life was so much that it stopped her from moving on. She stayed obsessed with him and the pain wouldn ‘ t fade.

What I reminded her was that social media didn ‘ t necessarily present the truth of someone ‘ s life and that the information that she saw wasn ‘ t necessarily real. If she could let go of her obsession and not need to know everything about his life, she would be able to move on.

Unfortunately, he started calling her and she started talking to him. They never got back together but they talked with each other regularly, stoking her hopes that they could reunite. A year later, she was still attached to him and in pain.

So, if there is one thing that you take away from this article it ‘ s the importance of not being in contact with your ex – it will only extend the hurt and prevent you from moving on.

#2 – You will not seek closure.

If there is one thing that I don ‘ t believe in it is closure.

I believe that closure is just one more excuse to see your partner again and to try to convince them not to break up with you. When people seek closure it rarely works out the way they want it to and, if it does, the relationship usually ends again somewhere down the line.

If your partner breaks up with you, accept it and move on. They may or may not have told you reasons that satisfy your need to understand why but the reality is is that they no longer want to be with you, for whatever reason.

So, don ‘ t seek closure. Go no contact on day one and you will heal quicker that way.

#3 -You will not play the victim.

For many years, after my ex-husband and I divorced, I played the victim.

I told people that he left me for another person, that he walked away from me and destroyed our family. Woe is me. I was the good guy and he was the bad guy. Please pity me.

The truth of the matter is is that our marriage had not be healthy for a long time. I was unhappy but not yet ready to give up on it. He decided to give up on it first and I was devastated – devastated at being abandoned and at the prospect of my kids being the children of divorce like I was.

What helped me most was when I stopped looking at myself as the one who had been abandoned and started looking at myself as the person who was lucky to get out of a marriage that was making me unhappy. I had been given an opportunity to have a new life and I started relishing it.

By not playing the victim I was able to view myself as a strong woman, one who could live a good and successful life, in spite of the cards that I had been dealt, marriage wise.

#4 – You will take care of yourself.

For many of us, when we go through a break up, we curl up in our beds, eat ice cream and binge watch 1980’s romance movies. And, while this can work for a while because it comforts us, in the long run it will only make the pain of going through a break up worse.

Just yesterday, I was talking to a new client going through a break up and she said that she was going to take the rest of the week off of work because she was sad. I suggested to her that she shouldn ‘ t take those days off. Being at work, which she loved, would keep her busy and with people she cared about, it would give her an opportunity to not reach out to her ex because she would be occupied and it would make her feel good about herself because she wasn ‘ t walking away from her job during this busy time. She loved that idea and off to work she went today, feeling pretty good about yourself.

So, when you are going through a break up, I encourage you to spend a few days wallowing in your pain but then get up and start taking care of yourself. Exercise, eat well and get some sleep. Spend time with the family and friends who love you. Do something that you love to do but that you couldn ‘ t do when you were part of a couple. Dig yourself into your work. Whatever you can do to make you feel better about your place in the world and not mired in sadness about the person who walked away.

#5 – You will keep the faith.

For many clients of mine who are going through a break up they believe that they will never love and be loved again. They feel so badly about themselves that they can ‘ t see any person ever loving them and they can fathom that they could ever truly love someone the way they loved their ex.

I am here to tell you that this never happens. Without exception, every client of mine who has gone through a break up finds someone again. And, more often than not, the person they find is far better than the one who broke up with them. If you do your work after a break up, if you identify what happened and what your role was in it, then you will seek someone who is good for you, nicer to you and a better fit.

So, don ‘ t give up on the fact that you will love and be loved again. Wallow for a bit and then start taking care of yourself. When you are healed, you will put energy out in the world that will attract you to the person you are meant to be with.

I promise.

Setting expectations for yourself when going through a break up is the best way to get through the pain and out the other side intact.

Just lying on the coach wallowing in pain will get you nowhere. But if you make conscious decisions about how you are going to proceed with your life, decisions that you would make around work or exercise or goals, then you are way more likely to have success getting past your break up and moving on.

Go ‘ ˜no contact ‘ immediately, don ‘ t seek closure, don ‘ t play the victim, take care of yourself and don ‘ t give up hope for the future.

A broken heart is one of the worst things that you can go through in your life but you, and only you, can heal it so set yourself some goals and expectations to do so and you will succeed.

You can do it!

What You Need to Know about Surviving Infidelity in a Toxic Marriage

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Surviving a partner ‘ s infidelity can be very difficult but surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage can seem almost impossible.

A toxic marriage is one that is already fraught with all sorts of issues – contempt, fighting, silence and secrets. When you add infidelity into the mix, it is a recipe for disaster.

Fortunately, there are things that, if you are aware of them, can help you navigate surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage. The path that you will be navigating is an unfamiliar one but one that you can get to end of intact, with some awareness and action.

#1 – It ‘ s not about you…

Many people who have been cheated on blame themselves for the infidelity.

They believe that if they had only been nicer or given their partner enough sex or dressed better or lost that 10 pounds that their partner would not have strayed. And this just isn ‘ t the case.

Of course, infidelity doesn ‘ t occur in a void and marriages that are already toxic are especially vulnerable to cheating, but that doesn ‘ t mean that you are to blame for what happened.

Infidelity happens for many reasons but not usually because your partner looks at you and finds you lacking. Cheating happens because the marriage is damaged and someone else comes along who can temporarily distract one partner from the pain. Infidelity is rarely sought out – it finds us in places that we never expected.

So, first and foremost, you are not to blame for your partners infidelity. The responsibility lies squarely on their shoulders. After all, you are in this toxic relationship as well and you never strayed.

Keep this in mind and surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage is possible!

#2 – …but it is up to you.

What is your responsibility is deciding what you are going to do next after discovering your partner ‘ s infidelity. This is a key part of getting through this and something that only you can decide.

You have a number of choices.

  • You can decide to leave. Your relationship is already toxic – is it now beyond repair?
  • You can decide to stay and work on your marriage.
  • You can decide to accept that infidelity might be a part of your marriage going forward and just go about your own life.

Which of these things do you want? Perhaps it ‘ s a combination of things that might work. Perhaps you might opt for therapy with the determination that if it doesn ‘ t help you are gone. Perhaps you might walk away until your spouse gets therapy to figure out their issues. Perhaps you accept the infidelity as long as he agrees to offer you something in return.

The options are there – it is up to you to decide what course to take. If you simply sit around, obsessing about the infidelity, all you are going to do is make yourself miserable and your marriage worse.

Make the decision about how you want to move forward and make it happen.

#3 – Remorse is essential.

One thing to help you aid in your decision about what actions to take next is whether or not your partner is remorseful about their actions. Do they accept responsibility for the pain that they have caused you and are they willing and able to make amends? Are they willing to share with you the information that you need, such as where, why and when, so that you can process what happened and decide next steps? Are they willing to stay away from their cheating partner?

If your partner isn ‘ t willing to take responsibility for their actions and be willing to communicate with you openly, there is no chance that getting help and working on your marriage will get you through this. If they blame you for what they did, telling you that it is your fault that they strayed, then you will be forever doomed to having a partner who is playing the victim and making you feel bad about yourself.

Do you want to be in a relationship like that?

#4 – Don ‘ t seek revenge.

When our partners stray, we are often so hurt and angry that we want to act out, to hurt that person the way that they hurt us. And what do we do? We seek revenge.

Revenge comes in many forms. Revenge can be taking the children and leaving. It can be about withholding love and affection. It can be telling the whole world about the infidelity. It can be about being passively aggressive in your interactions with them so that they suffer, drip by drip. Or it can be like Lorena Bobitt, who cut off her husband ‘ s penis (and went to jail) after discovering he had cheated.

Whatever kind of revenge that you are thinking of, DON ‘ T DO IT. It is essential that, in this stressful time, you hold your head up high and act in a way that is irreproachable. Act in a way that won ‘ t give your partner fuel for the fire for blaming you. Act in a way that your friends and family see you as a good person and so they will choose to support you. Act in a way that won ‘ t cause you any remorse down the road.

You are probably feeling pretty bad about yourself right now and, while revenge might feel like the answer, it ‘ s not.

And, actually, the best revenge will be your partner seeing you not falling apart but presenting yourself with grace and dignity in the face of what has happened!

#5 – Get help!

You are going through something that you have never gone through before – recovering from the aftermath of infidelity. While the tendency to go it alone, to heal by yourself, is strong, you have never walked this road before and getting help is essential.

I know that you might be ashamed about what has happened and you are worried that your therapist or life coach will judge you but I can promise you they won ‘ t. Many people go through this every day and a professional will only seek to support you through this time, not judge you. I promise.

Whether its individual therapy or life coaching, marital counseling or some combination of the both, seeking assistance from a professional during these horrible times will set you up for getting through all of this and coming out the other side in a healthy way.

Even if your partner won ‘ t agree to getting help, do it for yourself. You may or may not stay with this person but you will always be with yourself. Knowing how to like and love yourself is a key to being happy, with or without another person.

So, reach out to a therapist or a life coach (perhaps me!) today and get the help that you need processing what has happened and how to move forward.

Surviving infidelity in a toxic marriage is something that can happen, with some self-awareness and action.

No matter what you decide to do, stay or go, it is possible for you to get through this intact and come out the other side happy.

Don ‘ t blame yourself but instead ask yourself what you want to do next. Get a sense of whether or not your partner is remorseful and don ‘ t seek revenge, whether they are or aren ‘ t. And get someone to help you get through these difficult times. You can ‘ t go it alone, even if you want to.

I know it feels like life will never be okay again, but it will be. I promise!

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