7 Signs Your Guy Has Commitment Phobia

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Ok. Be honest. If you are reading this article you are wondering if your guy has commitment issues and you just want to know. Good for you! Better to look for the signs sooner than later so that you can move on and find the love you seek.

Of course, it’s not just guys who have commitment phobia – many women do too. But it seems that it is an issue more often with guys – which is the topic for a whole other blog.

For now, let me share with you 7 signs that your guy might be afraid of commitment so that you can decide what next steps to take.

#1 – He doesn’t want to meet your friends and family.

For men who have commitment issues, they often won’t want to meet their partner’s friends or families. And, to some extent, this is a sign of good character because once the families are involved, things change but it’s not someone who wants to be in a relationship.

When you want to introduce your guy to a friend or family member, does he make excuses? Does he disappear when a loved one visits? Does he insist that his friends are busy if you want to meet them? Does he say that he just wants to spend time alone with you – that that is more important to him?

If your guy does any of things, it’s a sign that he is a commitment phobe. He knows that, by getting to know your friends and family, he is taking the relationship to another level, something that he just doesn’t want to do because he just isn’t sure that he wants to stay.

So, pay attention to whether he wants to meet your friends and family and don’t take that he wants to only spend time with you as an excuse – it might feel good but that doesn’t mean it’s a sign of a relationship that has a future.

#2 – He doesn’t talk about the future.

When you were first together, did your guy sometimes talk about the future? What you would do together and how much fun you would have? Does he not do that so much now? When you bring up the future does he refuse to engage? Even worse, when he brings up the future, does he not mention you?

A guy who doesn’t talk about the future is a guy who doesn’t want to commit. He is a guy who is hedging his bets, enjoying the time that he has with you now but with one foot out the door.

Don’t take this as he is just taking things one day at a time – as he might be saying. He most likely isn’t all in but he wants to have fun in the meantime.

#3 – He tells you that he wants to take things slowly.

Like a guy who doesn’t want to talk about the future, a guy who says that they want to take things slowly is someone who isn’t really all in.

For a guy who wants a relationship, he works hard to be in it. He meets your family, is there when you need him, doesn’t disappear and make excuses. Someone who says that they want to take things slowly is someone who doesn’t want to commit.

Remember back when you were dating – at the end of a date did your date were tell you that he wanted to take things slowly and then never call you again? See, it’s just an excuse.

So, don’t make excuses for why your guy wants to talk things slowly. If he isn’t ready to jump in with two feet, he isn’t ready at all.

#4 – He is emotionally unavailable.

When you try to talk about emotional stuff, does your guy shut down? When you want to talk about the relationship or how you are feeling does he make excuses to get out of the conversation and refuse to reengage if you ask him to?

For men, showing their emotions can be difficult and for a guy who doesn’t want to commit, making the effort to do so just isn’t worth it. After all, why spend time doing something difficult if you don’t have to?

And, while he cares about you enough to spend time with you, and have sex with you, he doesn’t care enough to engage emotionally. And that is a huge red flag.

So, be honest with yourself. Does your guy avoid conversations that have anything to do with your relationship or your feelings? If he does, he could very well be commitment phobic.

guy has commitment phobia

guy is a commitment phobe

#5 – You are feeling insecure in the relationship.

Again, you are here, reading this article. Chances are, if you are doing so, you are feeling insecure in your relationship.

Most women know when their guy doesn’t want a committed relationship, they just hope that things will change. They hope that, if they just try hard enough, love their guy enough, get their friends to like them and take care of them, their guy will fall in love with them.

What I can promise you is that none of these things will happen. If a guy doesn’t want to commit, you going out of your way to make him love you will only push him away.

Don’t ignore this red flag. A healthy relationship is supposed to make someone feel secure and loved. If you don’t feel this way, it’s a huge sign that your guy just doesn’t want to stick around forever.

#6 – They aren’t great communicators.

On top of not being emotional available, guys who are afraid of being in a relationship are guys who are not great communicators.

They are guys who might disappear for a few days or text less than usual or spend lots of time away from you with their friends. And, the key part of this is that they don’t tell you about it. They just do their own thing and leave you wondering what is going on.

And what does this do? It tells you that they just aren’t into you because a guy who is into a woman is a guy who will communicate. He will have enough respect for her that he will tell her what he is doing and when he won’t be available.

So, don’t make excuses for your guy’s lack of communication. Don’t think that he is pulling back so that he can think about his feelings for you. Don’t tell yourself that it’s good that everyone have some independence in a relationship and that this is a healthy sign. It’s not!

#7 – He picks fights.

Guys who aren’t all in are guys that will be moody and pick fights that don’t need to be picked.

They will be impatient and condescending. They will gaslight you and make you feel like everything is your fault. They will make you feel insecure and unsure of yourself.

And, for many guys, the reason that they do this is so that you will break up with them.

One of many men’s worse traits is that they don’t want to hurt a woman by breaking up with them so they breadcrumb them, treating them badly, hoping that their woman will break up with them. When I try to explain the disparity of this argument to men, they just don’t get it. So they do it over and over.

So, does your guy pick fights? Do you feel like he isn’t the person who you fell for but a new crabby person you are tiptoeing around? If yes, it could be a sign that he is commitment phobic.

There you are – 7 signs that your guy is commitment phobic.

I want to warn you to not make excuses for your guy and his behavior. Don’t think that if you just love him enough, things will change. If your guy is displaying any or all of these signs, walk away.

Walk away and find the love that you deserve!

You can do it!

7 Symptoms of a Toxic Relationship That You Shouldn’t Ignore

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If you are reading this article you are probably wondering if you, or someone you love, is in a toxic relationship.

And good for you for trying to figure it out. Symptoms of a toxic relationship can be hard to spot, especially if you are in the middle of one.

Here are 7 symptoms of a toxic relationship that you shouldn’t ignore.

#1 – You don’t feel good about yourself

First and foremost, the most important symptom to look out for is whether or not you feel good about yourself.

In a healthy relationship, people feel good about themselves. They feel good about who they are in the world. They feel good about their relationship. They feel hopeful about the future.

In a toxic relationship, things are different. People often feel like they are a loser. They are sometimes depressed. They don’t feel good about their relationship. They don’t feel hopeful for the future.

This makes sense because – how can someone feel good about themselves if their relationship is an unhappy one?

Always fighting with their partner, things are always up and down, constantly living on the edge, trying to keep things stable – all of that is exhausting.

So, do you feel good about yourself? If not, it could be a sign of a toxic relationship.

#2 – You are making excuses for the relationship.

Be honest. Are you always making excuses for how things are in the relationship, both to yourself and to others.

When things go wrong, do you tell yourself that its all your fault and that if you just do things differently all will be fine. Do you tell yourself that your partner is going through some stuff and that it will be fine once they are past it? Do you tell yourself that if you just love them enough long enough, everything will be ok?

How about your friends? Are you honest with them about what is happening in the relationship? Do you tell them what is happening and then blame yourself? Do they tell you that this is a toxic relationship but you make excuses for why it’s not?

People who are in healthy relationships know that they are. They don’t have to make excuses to themselves or others about the state of their relationship. They don’t have to spend a minute worrying about whether the relationship will work out.

So, be honest with yourself. How honest are you about your relationship?

#3 – You have lots of make up sex.

Most of my clients who are in toxic relationships have a lot of sex.

They tell me that their relationship can’t be toxic if they want to have sex so much. They tell themselves that they still love their person – if they didn’t, why would they have so much sex?

I can tell you that, for many people in toxic relationships, there are lots of emotions flying around the room. And that emotion can lead to sexual intimacy. Much like break up sex, the need to do something with the negative emotions is intense and sex is a great way to let it go.

What I can tell you is that lots of sex is not a sign of a healthy relationships. And, for women especially, when we have sex with someone it draws us closer to them and make us feel like we still love our person.

So, consider what your sex life looks like? Is it a healthy one, born of feelings of connectedness or is it highly emotional sex that leaves you feeling good and then confused and, maybe, empty?

7 symptoms of a toxic relationship

7 symptoms of a toxic relationship

#4 – Your friends and family don’t like your relationship.

This is a big one. If your friends and family don’t like your relationship, pay attention to them.

When we are in a toxic relationship, we are drowning in it. It’s like we are lying in a river with water bubbling over our heads and we just can’t see or hear clearly.

But your friends and family can.

Do your friends and family point out that you always seem to be fighting? Or that you are unhappy? Or that you are being treated badly? Or that you are treating someone badly?

If your friends and family have anything negative to say about your relationship, listen to them!  They know you best and only want what is good for you!

#5 – It is affecting your life and/or work.

I have a client who reached out the other day and told me that she can’t get any work done because she is so distracted by the mess that is her relationship.

She can’t focus at work. She is too depressed to get things done around the house. The idea of going out with friends is daunting. She no longer does the things that she used to love to do.

So, for my clients, not only is she feeling bad about her relationship but she is also feeling sad and lonely and like a loser. And that isn’t helping her relationship because of how she is feeling right now about her place in the world, she believes that the toxic relationship is all that she deserves.

So, are you finding that you can’t get things done around the house? Or that you are isolating? Or that you are too depressed to put yourself out in the world.

Don’t blame yourself – you are most likely struggling in a toxic relationship – and that is what you are feeling like right now.

#6 – Nothing is changing.

This is a key symptom of a toxic relationship that is important to take note of – are the same things happening over and over and nothing is changing?

Do you have the same fight? Are the same emotions in action? Are the same unkind words being said over and over? Are you having lots of break up sex?

One of the hallmarks of a toxic relationship is that, no matter how either, or both, people try, nothing is changing. That even though they know that something needs to be done, history keeps repeating itself.

Obviously, if things don’t change, how can your relationship ever be any better? And don’t kid yourself that things will sometime go back to the way that they were in the beginning. Because they won’t!

So, take note if things are changing for the better in your relationship. If they aren’t, it might be time to make change.

#7 – You spend lots of time looking up info on toxic relationships.

So here you are – reading this article about symptoms of toxic relationships. Is this the first time that you have googled “toxic relationships” or is a consistent pattern?

If you spend hours and hours searching Instagram and TikTok, trying to learn more about toxic relationships, how to fix them, what they look like, then it is very likely that you are in a toxic relationship.

If your gut is telling you that you might be in a bad relationship, enough so that you are seeking information about it, then that is a sign that it is is toxic.

And, looking for information about toxic relationships might not lead to change – you might just get more firmly entrenched in the idea of the relationship and make excuses for it, something that won’t help you make change.

So, there you go – 7 symptoms of a toxic relationship that you need to look out for.

Relationships start out so hopeful – words of love, hopes for the future. And, when they turn toxic, it can be hard to spot. After all, no one wants to let go of what they hoped to have and to start over again.

So, ask yourself how you are feeling about yourself, both internally and in the world. Do your friends and family like your relationship? Is your sex life a healthy one? Is your on-line search history full of things that are following your gut?

If yes, perhaps its time to get out of this relationship and to find one where you can live happily ever after.

You can do it!

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