7 Signs Your Guy Has Commitment Phobia

Ok. Be honest. If you are reading this article you are wondering if your guy has commitment issues and you just want to know. Good for you! Better to look for the signs sooner than later so that you can move on and find the love you seek.

Of course, it’s not just guys who have commitment phobia – many women do too. But it seems that it is an issue more often with guys – which is the topic for a whole other blog.

For now, let me share with you 7 signs that your guy might be afraid of commitment so that you can decide what next steps to take.

#1 – He doesn’t want to meet your friends and family.

For men who have commitment issues, they often won’t want to meet their partner’s friends or families. And, to some extent, this is a sign of good character because once the families are involved, things change but it’s not someone who wants to be in a relationship.

When you want to introduce your guy to a friend or family member, does he make excuses? Does he disappear when a loved one visits? Does he insist that his friends are busy if you want to meet them? Does he say that he just wants to spend time alone with you – that that is more important to him?

If your guy does any of things, it’s a sign that he is a commitment phobe. He knows that, by getting to know your friends and family, he is taking the relationship to another level, something that he just doesn’t want to do because he just isn’t sure that he wants to stay.

So, pay attention to whether he wants to meet your friends and family and don’t take that he wants to only spend time with you as an excuse – it might feel good but that doesn’t mean it’s a sign of a relationship that has a future.

#2 – He doesn’t talk about the future.

When you were first together, did your guy sometimes talk about the future? What you would do together and how much fun you would have? Does he not do that so much now? When you bring up the future does he refuse to engage? Even worse, when he brings up the future, does he not mention you?

A guy who doesn’t talk about the future is a guy who doesn’t want to commit. He is a guy who is hedging his bets, enjoying the time that he has with you now but with one foot out the door.

Don’t take this as he is just taking things one day at a time – as he might be saying. He most likely isn’t all in but he wants to have fun in the meantime.

#3 – He tells you that he wants to take things slowly.

Like a guy who doesn’t want to talk about the future, a guy who says that they want to take things slowly is someone who isn’t really all in.

For a guy who wants a relationship, he works hard to be in it. He meets your family, is there when you need him, doesn’t disappear and make excuses. Someone who says that they want to take things slowly is someone who doesn’t want to commit.

Remember back when you were dating – at the end of a date did your date were tell you that he wanted to take things slowly and then never call you again? See, it’s just an excuse.

So, don’t make excuses for why your guy wants to talk things slowly. If he isn’t ready to jump in with two feet, he isn’t ready at all.

#4 – He is emotionally unavailable.

When you try to talk about emotional stuff, does your guy shut down? When you want to talk about the relationship or how you are feeling does he make excuses to get out of the conversation and refuse to reengage if you ask him to?

For men, showing their emotions can be difficult and for a guy who doesn’t want to commit, making the effort to do so just isn’t worth it. After all, why spend time doing something difficult if you don’t have to?

And, while he cares about you enough to spend time with you, and have sex with you, he doesn’t care enough to engage emotionally. And that is a huge red flag.

So, be honest with yourself. Does your guy avoid conversations that have anything to do with your relationship or your feelings? If he does, he could very well be commitment phobic.

guy is a commitment phobe

#5 – You are feeling insecure in the relationship.

Again, you are here, reading this article. Chances are, if you are doing so, you are feeling insecure in your relationship.

Most women know when their guy doesn’t want a committed relationship, they just hope that things will change. They hope that, if they just try hard enough, love their guy enough, get their friends to like them and take care of them, their guy will fall in love with them.

What I can promise you is that none of these things will happen. If a guy doesn’t want to commit, you going out of your way to make him love you will only push him away.

Don’t ignore this red flag. A healthy relationship is supposed to make someone feel secure and loved. If you don’t feel this way, it’s a huge sign that your guy just doesn’t want to stick around forever.

#6 – They aren’t great communicators.

On top of not being emotional available, guys who are afraid of being in a relationship are guys who are not great communicators.

They are guys who might disappear for a few days or text less than usual or spend lots of time away from you with their friends. And, the key part of this is that they don’t tell you about it. They just do their own thing and leave you wondering what is going on.

And what does this do? It tells you that they just aren’t into you because a guy who is into a woman is a guy who will communicate. He will have enough respect for her that he will tell her what he is doing and when he won’t be available.

So, don’t make excuses for your guy’s lack of communication. Don’t think that he is pulling back so that he can think about his feelings for you. Don’t tell yourself that it’s good that everyone have some independence in a relationship and that this is a healthy sign. It’s not!

#7 – He picks fights.

Guys who aren’t all in are guys that will be moody and pick fights that don’t need to be picked.

They will be impatient and condescending. They will gaslight you and make you feel like everything is your fault. They will make you feel insecure and unsure of yourself.

And, for many guys, the reason that they do this is so that you will break up with them.

One of many men’s worse traits is that they don’t want to hurt a woman by breaking up with them so they breadcrumb them, treating them badly, hoping that their woman will break up with them. When I try to explain the disparity of this argument to men, they just don’t get it. So they do it over and over.

So, does your guy pick fights? Do you feel like he isn’t the person who you fell for but a new crabby person you are tiptoeing around? If yes, it could be a sign that he is commitment phobic.

There you are – 7 signs that your guy is commitment phobic.

I want to warn you to not make excuses for your guy and his behavior. Don’t think that if you just love him enough, things will change. If your guy is displaying any or all of these signs, walk away.

Walk away and find the love that you deserve!

You can do it!

Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.