7 Ways Super Effective Ways to Deal with Anxiety after a Break Up
There is truly nothing worse than a break up.
Whether you did the breaking up or were broken up with, it’s the end of an era.
Having to let go of hopes and dreams about the relationship can be devastating and having any hope for the future can be impossible.
And I get it. I have been there.
That being said, this break up is just a period of time that you have to go through. The pain will end. You just need to figure out how to ride it out in the meantime.
To help you do so, I have compiled 7 effective ways to deal with anxiety after a break up so that you can get through this period of time and move on.
#1 – Be careful with social media.
For many of my clients, when they are going through a break up, they spend an incredible amount of time on social media trying to process what happened.
They go on TikTok or Instagram or whatever and find whatever information that they can to either understand why they were broken up with or to help them justify doing the breaking up.
And there is a TON of information out there to suit their needs. Unfortunately, there is so much information that it is very easy to go down a rabbit hole and never come back up.
I always encourage my clients to take one week and do this. To dig into whatever it is they need to dig into. And then, after 7 days, to stop.
Why? Because by focusing on what happened, on the past, they won’t be able to manage the anxiety that they feel after a break up. They will spend so much time focusing on it, processing it, talking about it with strangers, comparing themselves to some nebulous person in a far away place who might be totally different from them, that they have no opportunity or motivation to move forward.
After a week, it’s time to go down another rabbit hole – how to move forward after your break up and build the life that you want. There is a ton of inspirational information out there to support you. And that is the kind of support you want – positive support.
So, be care about your social media use. You will be glad you did!
#2 – No contact and no stalking.
This is SO important. Maybe even more important than anything else. You must have no contact with your ex and you must absolutely not stalk them in any way.
I know that the inclination to have “one more talk†with your ex (or accept their request for one more talk) for closure or whatever is powerful but interacting with your ex is only going to cause you more pain and anxiety. Closure is just an excuse to be together one more time and hope that things end differently.
Also, the temptation to look for your ex online, to see what they are doing and if they are happy and if they have moved on is one you must resist at all costs! You do not need to see how your ex is. They are your ex and that is that. I know that whenever I google old exes I regret it!
And remember, no one posts their bad stuff on social media so all you will see is your ex enjoying their life and that just won’t make you feel good.
Ideally, you would block your ex on your phone and on social media because that will prevent there being any opportunities to reach out. Many people really struggle to do this, however, and, more often than not, fall back into old patterns. All I can say is know that not having contact with them is the key to healing!
#3 – Consider past break ups.
I am guessing that you had break ups in the past, yes?
And was the pain that you felt after the break up intense? Yes?
Maybe you are thinking to yourself that that pain wasn’t anywhere near as painful as your current pain but I can promise you it was – you just don’t remember. Our bodies don’t let us hold on to pain – it would be hard to live fully if you remembered all the pain that you felt in the past.
Anyway, after past break ups you were probably in a lot of pain and YOU GOT OVER IT! That is the thing to remember. That you have suffered before and gotten through it and you will get through this break up as well.
And remember, there is always someone on the other side of a break up. I know that you might not believe it now but there is!
#4 – Spend time with people who love you.
For many people who are struggling with anxiety after a break up, they feel bad about themselves and they isolate with Netflix and ice cream. And, while this is okay to do for a while, it is important that you shut it down sooner than later.
Spending time with people who love you is exactly what you need right now. People who remind you how wonderful you are. People who make you laugh. People who have helped you ride out the hard times before.
You know who those people are – reach out to them.
#5 – Set a goal for yourself.
I remember when I went through a particularly bad break up (with, silly me, a married man), after I cried for a while I picked myself up and decided that I needed to live my life. That I couldn’t let him stop me from doing what I wanted to do.
So I set my eye on doing two things – building my coaching business and hiking to 17,000 feet mountain in Peru. It took some time and some effort but I did both. And, in the process, not only did I distract myself from the pain that I was feeling because I was so busy, I also rewired my brain to think differently than I did when I was in the relationship.
Also, once I accomplished those goals I felt so damn good about myself! I knew that I wouldn’t have done those things had I stayed in the toxic relationship. I knew that I could accomplish anything if I put my mind to it, even if I was alone. (Which I wasn’t, for long)
#6 – Don’t play the victim.
For so many people, after a break up, play the victim.
They believe that they did nothing wrong and that their ex was a toxic person and the cause of everything that went down. And your ex might have been a toxic person but they weren’t the cause of everything that went wrong.
There are two people in every relationship and two people responsible for it breaking down.
Yes, perhaps your partner treated you badly but did you let him do so for longer than you should have? Were you too scared to speak up for yourself and allow the abuse to continue? Did you ignore huge red flags, hoping that everything would turn out?
No judgement here – we all do that. But the key is to remember that you bear some responsibility for the break up. Taking ownership of your part and being determined to do things differently next time will help you manage your anxiety after your break up in a big way.
#7 – Take care of yourself.
This is one of the most obvious, and perhaps the hardest, things to do after a break up – to take care of yourself!
I know that Netflix and ice cream is very attractive but if you aren’t eating well or getting off the couch or getting enough (or too much) sleep, your anxiety will stay through the roof.
Do spend a week or so, if you need to, mourning the end of the relationship but then get up off the couch and get outside. Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Eat some healthy food. Get enough sleep. Whatever the magic pill is for you to help you feel better while you are getting through this difficult time!
I know that it feels like managing your anxiety after a break up is next to impossible.
Anxiety is hard to manage and when it’s paired with a broken heart it’s even harder.
But it is possible to manage your anxiety with a little effort and awareness and you can do it!
And remember, this period of pain will pass. It might not go away completely for a while. But everyday that you don’t have contact with your ex is a day that you will be closer to healing. The way you are feeling now is not the way you will feel forever!
I promise!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
