Have you met a guy? Maybe the guy?
Isn’t romance grand? The long late-night conversations, holding hands as you walk through the park, the butterflies that you feel when you see him. It’s all so wonderful. And scary.
Opening yourself up to someone can be terrifying. Letting down your guard to let a man into your heart makes you tremendously vulnerable. Because of this, many women are hesitant to let themselves fall in love.
(Think every woman ever on The Bachelor – expressing their hesitation to fall and then doing so anyway only to be denied a rose the next night. Ugh.)
So, before you open up to your partner, make good and sure that you are really in love with him.
But how to know?
Here are some signs that will help you figure it out
#1 – You can feel it.
What is love? It is very important to understand the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.
I believe that when you are in love with someone, you feel the feelings that you read about in books.
When you see your person, your heart leaps a little bit, you long for their touch, you want to know everything about them, spending time together is lovely, and you care about their hopes and dreams.
But, when you love someone, as opposed to being in love with someone, your feelings are more feelings of friendship.
You feel peaceful and happy being with them and support them in their endeavors but that feeling of your heart leaping, of relishing their physical touch, just isn’t there.
So, how do you feel when you see your person? Does your heart leap or do you just feel peaceful?
It’s an important distinction and one that only you can know.
#2 – Distance can be hard.
When you love someone, watching them walk out the door can be physically painful. You count the minutes, hours or days until you will see them again. When you are reunited it’s like you feel whole again.
It is important, however, to know the difference between obsessive love and being in love. When we are in obsessive love, when we are apart from our lover we cannot function. We are constantly wondering where they are and what they are doing and maybe even stalking them on social media. Our jobs and friendships suffer and the physical pain from the distance is debilitating.
If you love someone in a healthy way, being apart from them is hard but you still live your life as you always have done, waiting anxiously to see him again but also perfectly healthy apart.
And, man, you know that the reunion will be worth the wait…
#3 – You like the good and the bad.
When you are in love you like everything about your person.
You love that they want to spend so much time with you or ask you questions about your day. You are always happy to be with them and love when they touch you. You appreciate the way they open the door for you or give you footrubs at night.
Furthermore, when you are in love with someone you even love the things that you find frustrating.
Perhaps they always leave dirty dishes in the sink or act differently when they are with the guys or forget to buy you flowers on your anniversary. Things that you truly wish could be different.
If you love your person in spite of these things, and perhaps even think they are adorable even while they are bugging you, then you are definitely in love.
My boyfriend has these short sleeve button down shirts that he likes to wear to work in the summer, and white sneakers too. I hate those shoes and shirts but, man, he is the most handsome man I have ever seen every time he walks out the door in the morning. Yes, I am madly in love with this guy.
4. You don’t see any red flags.
If you truly love someone, you aren’t constantly questioning the relationship.
Do you think that you want to be in this relationship but just aren’t sure?
Do you think about whether you are making a mistake in committing to this person?
Do you spend time thinking about other people instead?
Do you find yourself rationalizing your relationship more often than not?
People who are in love are secure in the fact the love is real and equal and that a commitment to it is a smart one.
If there are little red flags that you are ignoring or if you are constantly wondering if this person is enough for you, then you most likely aren’t in love.
5. You are eternally faithful.
Do you find yourself looking at other people and wondering if, for whatever reason, you might be interested in a relationship with them?
Do your friends introduce you to other people who they think might be better for you?
If either of these things is the case, you might not be in love with your man.
People who are in love with their partner don’t go seeking other potential mates. They are perfectly happy with the guy sitting beside them and the prospect of being with someone else is abhorrent.
Furthermore, if you are in love you know that, more than anything, you don’t want to hurt your guy with your wandering eyes or hands. You know that keeping your eyes firmly focused on him is what you want to do every day. And he will love you for it!
Asking yourself Am I in love? is a very important part of taking the next step in a relationship.
If you are in love, then you can open yourself up to your guy and look to move forward in your relationship, knowing that it’s the right thing to do. If you don’t love your guy, let him go. He deserves to find love and don’t waste either of your times pretending you do.
So, if you feel deep emotions for this guy, if you want to be with him always and miss him when he is gone, if you like everything about him, if you have no questions about the relationship and you can be faithful then, mostly likely, you are in love and this is the guy for you.
How fun and how lucky are you!
Do you want to know more about knowing whether or not you are in love?
Let me help you, NOW, so you know sooner rather than later!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.