You know those times when you are standing in line for the movies and you see a couple in front of you who look just so ridiculously happy? And don’t you think to yourself ‘I want that but how?’
People in healthy relationships don’t know some secret that you don’t know. What they do know are 5 questions that they ask each other every single day.
Let me tell you what they are…
#1 – Can I talk to you about something?
When your guy does something that upsets you, do you tell him? Or do you keep it inside and let it fester. Do you start to watch out for times that he does that thing again and let it piss you off every time?
People in the happiest relationships don’t do that. They don’t let things fester and grow bigger than they need to be.
People in the happiest relationships are strong enough to tell their partner when something upsets them so that they can work it out and move on. So that anger doesn’t fester and threaten their happiness.
So be brave and honest. Talk to your partner. For the sake of your relationship.
#2 – Would you like to go do something together?
Do you seek out time to spend with your partner? Does he want to spend time with you? Do you have things that you enjoy doing together and do you do them?
People who are in the happiest relationships are people who make an effort to spend time together. I am not saying that you should spend ALL your time together but it is important that you and your guy share time and experiences. These things bring you closer together and keep your relationship healthy and happy.
So, ask your guy if he wants to go to the movies tonight. Have fun!
#3 – What can I do to make your life a better place?
When we first start out in a relationship, we make efforts every day to do things that make our partners happy. We bring them flowers, we let them borrow our car, we tell them how cute they are, we write them cards full of sweet nothings.
But as a relationship matures those things tend to fade away. The craziness of modern life makes us start to neglect our relationships because other things, like kids, jobs, parents, distract us. We always think that we can neglect our relationships and that they will still be there when we are ready to pay attention again but that isn’t always true.
So, ask your partner what you can do for them. And be careful not to assume what they want you to do. Ask them. I used to make my husband lunch everyday as a way to show him that I loved him. What he wanted was hugs so, when he didn’t get those, he didn’t feel loved.
Ask your guy how you can make his world a better place. You will be happy you did.
#4 – Have I told you today how much I love you?
If there is one thing that I hear most from my unhappily married couples its, when I ask them if they tell their partner they love them, they say ‘Oh, he knows I love him. I don’t have to tell him.’
Yeah, this is not necessarily so.
Relationships are long and they can be fraught with challenges. And when those challenges become harder to deal with people start to question their partner’s devotion. And those questions can cause the slow demise of a heathy relationship.
So, tell your partner you love him every day.
#5 – Will you please give me a hug?
Many married couples I know not only never have sex but very rarely even touch each other.
They say that couples who hug each other for 10 contiguous seconds a day are happier than couples who don’t. That is because physical closeness is key for any happy relationship.
So, let your guy know that you want to touch him. I can guarantee that he will be happy to accommodate you. For guys, touch is way more important than words so if you can just give him a hug, especially after a disagreement, you will be going a long way towards giving him what he wants.
Being in a healthy relationship is the goal for everyone. It’s the stuff that fairy tales are made of and who doesn’t want the fairy tale.
But having a happy relationship doesn’t just happen. It takes dedication and intention.
So, ask your partner if you can talk, if they want to play, if you can make their life a better place, if they know how much you care and if a hug might be in the cards.
Ask questions to make your relationship the happiest that it can be.
You can do it!
Do you need help with your relationship?
Let me help!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.