Are you looking for ways to infidelity proof your marriage so that you can be happy and your marriage will last forever?
Have you married the person of your dreams and do you want to do whatever it takes to keep your relationship solid and healthy and infidelity proof?
Infidelity is something that no one sets out to do in a marriage – it is something that is often borne of unhappiness in a relationship, of a disconnect that has grown over time. Of course, some people are just chronically unfaithful but, more often than not, there are things that can be done to keep your marriage strong and protect it against the risk of infidelity.
Luckily, learning the tools to infidelity proof your marriage is not difficult and there are things that you can put to use immediately so that your relationship can go stronger quickly.
Here are 5 ways to infidelity proof your marriage NOW.
#1 – Share.
I know, I know. Every blog that you have read says that communication is the key to every healthy relationship. The reason that every blog says this is because it’s the truth.
Think of every marriage that you know that is unhealthy. Looking in from the outside, do you see an inability to communicate, to share feelings, to explain when they have been wronged, to address how they feel about an issue or even to ask for what they want?
Do you see people who aren’t willing to be vulnerable and tell their person how they feel about them or that their person is causing them pain? Do you see people who share their deepest thoughts and emotions with others but keep their partner in the dark?
Every healthy marriage is based on the ability to communicate with each other in a meaningful way, to speak up when something is bothering them, to feel safe knowing that if you do speak you won’t be attacked, to know that your person will listen to you with an open heart.
So, set up healthy communication with your spouse and infidelity proof your marriage from the outset.
#2 – Maintain trust.
The number one way to strengthen your relationship so that nothing can break it apart is to establish trust and maintain it. When trust is lost, it’s hard to regain. When trust is lost, it is easy for a marriage to fall apart and for infidelity to be a risk.
Trust can be lost in big ways and small. Big ones, of course, include infidelity and betrayal. It is the small ones, surprisingly, that can be most destructive to a marriage.
A client of mine had a husband who was always making her promises. He said he would go look at new windows for their house but went to the office instead. He said that he would take out the garbage but watched the game instead. He promised to be home in time for dinner but rarely was.
One small instance at a time, by saying he would do something but then not do it, my client’s husband eroded her trust in him. As time went on, she trusted him less and less until, one day, she found herself with one foot out of the marriage. She no longer felt like she could be with someone she couldn’t trust.
So, think hard about maintaining trust in your relationship. Whether it’s about big things or small, when trust is lost it’s almost impossible to regain.
#3 – Assume nothing.
I can’t tell you how many clients of mine have told me, when I ask them how they communicate their feelings to their spouses, that they don’t need to tell their partners that they love them ‘because they know.’
I can’t tell you how of my clients spend weekends with their parents or take walks with their friends or watch TV alone in the living room, assuming that it’s okay with their partner that they not be doing things together.
I can’t tell you how many of my clients treat their partners with contempt and disregard, assuming that they will always be there, no matter how they are spoken to.
One of the things that happens in marriage is that, after a while, we start to take each other for granted. In the beginning, we stay constantly in touch, we spend time together, we share our feelings, we include each other in activities. As time goes on, we become less attentive and fall into a pattern of taking our spouses for granted.
Taking each other for granted will NOT infidelity proof your marriage. It will, instead, leave it highly vulnerable to someone from the outside stepping in.
If you want to infidelity proof your marriage, make sure that you never assume ANYTHING in your relationship. Don’t assume that your person knows you love them – tell them! Don’t assume that your person doesn’t want to spend time with you or is okay with you disappearing every Sunday morning. Don’t assume that your person will just take whatever you dish out and be there for you when you need them.
When you are done with this article, go find your person and kiss them, make plans for a hike in the morning and thank them for taking out the garbage. It could change everything for you.
#4 – Be honest. Always.
Has anyone ever said to you ‘I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to hurt you?’ Or perhaps ‘I didn’t tell you because it didn’t seem important?’ Or even ‘I didn’t tell you for your own good?’
All of these things are examples of LIES – sometime lies with good intentions but lies nonetheless.
It is essential that, to infidelity proof your marriage, you always be honest with your partner about everything – everything.
If you go out with an old beau for dinner, be honest with your person and tell them. If you put a dent in the car, don’t blame it on someone else. If you don’t like broccoli, don’t pretend that you do. If Sundays at his mothers are too much for you, don’t pretend they aren’t.
When you don’t tell the truth to your spouse, you automatically put up a wall between the two of you. You have something that you aren’t sharing with your partner and that will only create some distance between the two of you. And when there is distance, distrust often follows. And lack of trust, as we know, can kill a relationship.
So, NEVER lie to your spouse. Even for ‘their own good.’
#5 – Get physical.
This last way infidelity proof your marriage is a fun one. Getting physical.
Getting physical, in many forms, is the glue that can hold a relationship together. When touch stops, marriages can founder.
While I do include sex when I talk about getting physical, what I really mean is the everyday little things. The pat on the butt when walking through the kitchen, the kiss before leaving in the morning, holding hands on a walk, spooning at bedtime. All of these wonderful things count as touching.
What happens when we touch someone is profound. While our intellects are always processing our interpersonal interactions, touch is something primal, something that affects our emotions in a way that our brains cannot.
They say that a 10 second hug every day can help a relationship in profound ways. Hugs make the body produce ‘oxytocin,’ a feel good chemical. Hugs make us feel safe and secure. Hugs say a lot without words. Hugs mend in a way that words can’t always do.
So, make an effort to keep your hands on your partner. Of course, not all the time but as often as is right for both of you. The non-verbal communication that happens with touch can infidelity proof your marriage in a way that more intellectual efforts cannot.
Knowing ahead of time how to infidelity proof your marriage is an excellent way of setting it up for success.
Much like learning how to drive a car or be successful at work, knowing the rules around a marriage can keep yours healthy and strong.
So, make an effort to talk to your person, open and honestly, to never make assumptions, to work to maintain trust on both sides, to always tell the truth and to use the non-verbal communication of touch to let your partner know how you feel.
Love is grand. If you have found that special someone to love forever, do what you need to do to keep infidelity proof your marriage and live happily ever after.
You can do it! I know you can!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.