Have you met the person of your dreams? Is this the one? If so, are you wondering what you must know about love so that you don’t make any mistakes?
Love is so complicated. When we are young we believe that someday our prince will come and sweep us off our feet and that we will live happily ever after. Unfortunately, it doesn’t always work out that way.
People are only human. Our life experience leads us to act a certain way and often times in a way that doesn’t serve us. This is especially the case with women in relationships. We are so programmed to love and take care of others that we often blind ourselves to the truth. And often we don’t notice until a relationship is too far gone to salvage.
Let me tell you some things to know about relationships that are the key to having a successful one.
#1 – Having sex with him won’t make him love you.
There isn’t a single woman I know who hasn’t, at some point in her life, had sex with a man because she wanted him to love her. And, almost without exception, it just doesn’t work.
Men want sex. As much sex as they can possibly get. But for many men sex does not equal love. It does not even equal like. Sex is sex.
For women, sex is different. Sex brings about an emotional connection, THE emotional connection that women crave. As a result, women believe that if she has sex with a man not only will she be giving him what he wants but she will also establish an emotional connection with him and that he will love her.
Does it work that way? Usually no.
The best reason to have sex with a guy is because you want to. Beyond that there are no guarantees.
#2 – If he isn’t communicating with you he isn’t interested.
How many times have we sat by our phones and waited, watching the screen for that text alert. Or turned on our phone after a movie, desperately hoping that there will be a message from the guy we like.
And how many times have we been disappointed?
Something that you must know about love is that a guy who isn’t communicating with you he isn’t interested. Period. You can tell yourself that he is busy, or that he is out of range or that he is sleeping but if he regularly goes dark on you, to reappear with excuses, then he isn’t interested.
Guys are hunters. It’s in their nature. And if they want to communicate with you, or be with you, they will move heaven and earth to do so. And if they don’t, they won’t.
Also, those guys who disappear and then reappear, they are most likely reappearing because they are bored or horny. Sitting in front of a game or in a taxi and flipping through their phone. Don’t let them fool you or suck you back in.
#3 – If you get clingy he will pull away. For good.
Really the worst thing that a woman can do is get clingy with her man.
We get clingy for a variety of reasons: jealousy, insecurity, fear of the unknown, possessiveness. All of these are feelings that exist for a reason but if they manifest themselves with clinginess you will drive your man away.
It is important to know who you are in a relationship. Be yourself. Be honest. Be secure in his feelings for you. If you can’t then you need to address it head on, in a measured, temperate way. Not by getting clingy.
If you get clingy your man will disappear. He may return if you can resolve your feelings and no longer be clingy but he will disappear again if it resumes. This time for good.
So, do some work on yourself. Make sure you are going into a relationship confident with yourself and knowing that you will be okay if it doesn’t work out. Not easy, I know, but possible.
Want to know more things that you must know about love? Me too! Let’s talk…
#4 – If YOU don’t love you, then HE won’t either.
So many of us go into relationships like hunks of clay, waiting to be molded into whatever shape is necessary to make a relationship work. We don’t know who we are outside of a relationship and we feel that only by connecting with another person will we know who we are.
This is SO NOT TRUE.
It is important to know who you are in this world, especially as you go into a relationship. If you know who you are, what your beliefs and values are, what is important to you in every aspect of your life, what you can and can’t live without, then you will be the kind of person that someone falls in love with. You will exude self-confidence and you will attract someone you deserve.
If, conversely, you wait until you find a guy to figure out who you are or, even worse, change yourself for a guy, then you will end up unhappy and alone. Being anything other than yourself is a lie and lies just aren’t sustainable. And a woman who is lying to herself will only attract guys who will lie to her.
So, know who you are in this world and find the guy you deserve.
#5 – If you break up with him you will be JUST FINE.
This is something that many of us simply do not believe. We believe that under no circumstances will we be okay alone. The world is a place for couples and being single just isn’t acceptable.
I am here to tell you, as someone who has spent almost four years alone, that being alone is not only fine but awesome. Being alone means that you get to rise and sleep when you want, never watch any sports program that you don’t want to watch, never have to clean around the base of the toilet or pick up laundry off the floor. You can travel where you want and with whom. You can spend your money as you see fit. You are in charge of your own universe.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that being with someone else is a wonderful thing. But being with someone because you don’t think you can be alone is not a wonderful thing. Being in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love, respect and cherish you is not better than being alone.
When you are with someone who doesn’t love, cherish and respect you then your life is full of angst, the moment to moment ups and downs of being at the mercy of someone else’s whims. This will cause you pain every day.
Wouldn’t it just be better to be alone, watching Orange is the New Black and having a glass of wine?
We all make mistakes in the search for love. We want it so badly that we are willing to do anything, to compromise everything, to have it. And we tend to do the same things over and over and never learn.
One of the things that you must know about love is that never too late to find it. Be who you are, do things because you want to do them, don’t compromise your self-worth, don’t let yourself be lied to. Be the strong woman you know that you are and attract the love that you deserve.
You can do it. I know you can.
If you have read this far you must be wondering how to find and keep the love that you so desire!
Let me help you, NOW, so that you can find him and live happily ever after.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or click here, and let’s get started.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.