Are you wondering if your relationship is too good to be true?
Are you the kind of person who often finds themselves in super intense relationships, ones where it feels like the sky is the limit and that you will be happy forever, only to find yourself left broken hearted and alone?
Have you been left by someone who is overwhelmed by your behavior or have you left someone you loved because your relationship isn’t meeting your needs?
Ironically, sometimes relationships that are the most intense are the ones that leave us most open to the risk of being hurt. And the relationships that are intense are the ones that are hardest to resist because the passion is so compelling.
Luckily, there are ways to identify people who might seem to be THE one but who might be a risky choice for a long-term relationship.
Below are some red flags that are easy to spot. Knowing them will help you make conscious choices.
#1 – They are impulsive.
People who are impulsive are people who act on their gut. Their mind usually ignores what logic is screaming at them and they do what they want when they want to.
An impulsive person might look at you across the room, decide that you are the one for them and make you fall madly in love with them. An impulsive person could introduce you to their kids and parents after knowing you for just a week. An impulsive person could whisk you away on a romantic island vacation, promising that it will be the first of many.
And an impulsive person could see a person on the beach next to them on said romantic island and decide that that person is the one for them. And leave you.
Being with an impulsive person can be really fun. The living moment to moment, never knowing what is on the horizon and enjoying what comes when it does. The falling in love quickly and making mad love for days. It’s all very exciting and, most likely, very temporary.
So, watch out for someone who is impulsive. Look instead for someone who is more thoughtful and deliberate in their approach to love. Thoughtful and deliberate people can be passionate too and the passion might even last!
#2 – They are WAY into sex.
At the beginning of a relationship, being with someone who is interested in lots of sex is exciting. The dopamine rush that occurs when wrapped around your person as they make you feel loved and wanted is intoxicating. As time goes on, the need for sex subsides somewhat, as you settle into a comfortable relationship.
Unfortunately, there are some people who need to have sex constantly. The reasons for this are varied but they are real. And, the person who need constant sex is most usually the kind of person who will need to move on and find someone else to fill their needs. Or, even worse, they will stay with you and seek sex elsewhere anyway.
So, pay attention to your person at the beginning of your relationship. How do they feel about sex? Do they seem obsessed or do they need to do things that might be out of the ordinary? Do you find that you can’t always reach them and do you wonder if they might be with someone else?
If you are with this kind of person and are trying to make a relationship out of it, you are taking a big risk. Know that your person most likely won’t be able to change their ways and your heart will be at risk of being shattered.
#3 – They are self-centered.
We have all been in relationships with people who are self-centered. We have all been in relationships with people who are so much about themselves but, in the beginning, it appears that they are all about you.
People who are self-centered believe that the world revolves around them and, while they seem to do things for your pleasure, they are really doing it for their own.
At first, a self-centered person will look at you with big love and make love to you passionately. You will feel like the center of universe, until you aren’t. Until you realize that your person is doing what they are doing for you for their own self-satisfaction, to meet their own selfish needs to feel good about themselves.
A self-centered person will fight you tooth and nail if you try to point this out to them because they know that if they lose you they will feel pain and they don’t want that. When you do fight, after they will make passionate love to you, to make themselves feel better.
So, stay away from people who believe that the world revolves around them. It might seem wonderful at first but, before long, you will see that it’s all about them and nothing about you.
#4 – They run hot and cold.
I have a client who is in love with a man who does, from what I can tell, love her back. More often and not, however, you wouldn’t know it.
Some days he calls her over and over, asking how she is and telling her he misses her. And then he disappears for weeks only to reappear and pay attention to her. He tells her how excited he is to see her and then yells at her for being so demanding. He tells her that she is hot but then tells her another girl is hotter.
When my client and her guy are ‘on,’ it’s amazing. She is so in love and their sex is amazing and she feels sure that she will live happily ever after. And then, as if a switched was flipped, her guy is unkind and disrespectful and gone.
If your person is like this, if your person is always changing to the point that sometimes you don’t recognize them, consider walking away. A person who runs hot and cold will always be this way and, if they don’t make you happy as they are, they will never make you happy.
#5 – They can’t sit still.
I have always been a restless person. I have lived in 5 countries, 7 cities and 9 states over the course of my lifetime. For the past 15 years, I have moved every 2.5 years. For the past 10 years I have had quite a few boyfriends. I am the definition of restless.
And what does this mean in relationship? It means that I swoop in, ready for something new, willing to dig deep quickly and get someone to fall madly in love with me. And I fall in love with them too, until, about 8-12 weeks in, I get the itch to move on. So, I do, leaving my person dazed and heartbroken.
I would imagine that many of those men would say that they were very happy that they had me in their life for that short time but I am guessing that some of them would have preferred if I had stayed.
If your person is like me, present with you now but always looking towards the next horizon, pause and think carefully before you get in too deep. You could find yourself heartbroken.
Recognizing the red flags that are there if your relationship feels too good to be true is a very smart thing to do!
An intense, passionate relationship is all well and good but what we really need for long lasting love is a person who doesn’t dive in too deep too quickly, who has a healthy sexual appetite, who isn’t all about themselves, whose moods are constant and who is willing to sit still.
If you recognize any of the things I have mentioned in your partner, be aware that they are huge red flags and that they are worth looking at before you crash!
If you have made this far you must be struggling with whether or not your relationship is working.
Let me help you get there, NOW, before you get your heart broken.
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or click here, and let’s get started.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.