Worthiness. We are all born with an innate sense of worth. As babies, we cry for food, demand attention, and insist on doing things OUR WAY. It is this sense of worth that keeps us alive.
As women and mothers, we tend to lose that sense of self-worth. So much of our time is spent tending to the needs of others, calming crying babies, assuaging angry partners, and talking down disappointed clients, that we stop taking care of ourselves. And when we stop attending to our needs, we start losing our sense of self-worth.
This is not ok. Not knowing how worthy we are can lead to patterns of behavior that only reinforce our belief that we are not worthy of being loved, cared for, or living the life of our dreams. We let our children run all over us, our partners take us for granted, and our bosses demean us.
We stop eating well and taking care of ourselves and we stop reaching for what we want.
#1 – Love yourself like you love your kids.
Take a moment and feel in your body how much you love your kids. That’s an easy feeling to get in touch with, isn’t it? You love your kids unconditionally and would lay down your life for them.
Now, imagine how it would feel to love yourself that way. To know that you always have someone with you who can remind you how awesome you are or point out that you can walk into your boss’ office and ask for what you need.
It would feel pretty good, right?
So get in touch with your inner mom and keep her with you always.
#2 – Call your mother.
Look back on #1. Think about how you love your kids. Your mother loves you that much too. So call her.
I have a client who has a twice-weekly phone call with her mother. They don’t discuss anything, just what happens in each other’s lives.
This client’s mother is her daughter’s most faithful fan and cheerleader. She always reminds her daughter of what a great job she is doing as a parent and a wife, the most challenging jobs in the world, and what a wonderful daughter she is for keeping in touch so often.
My client says having one person who regularly reminds her of her awesomeness has changed her life. It gives her the confidence in herself that feeds her desire to be all that she can be.
#3 – Think back to your wedding day.
Your wedding day was a big day. It was a day that you and your partner promised to love and care for each other for a very long time. It was a day when your friends and family stood up for the two of you, supporting you as you started your life together.
Take a moment, take a photo if you have to, and remember how you felt that day. The love you and your partner shared and the love that your friends and family gave you unconditionally. And look at how happy you were cutting that cake…
Remembering your wedding day will remind you that you love and are loved by many people. And what better way to touch base with that inner self-worth than through a bit of love?
#4 – Remember earlier successes.
We have all had many, many successes in our lives but for some reason, it is the failures that stick with us. Do you know those failures that keep you up at night, obsessing? Yep, those.
Instead of obsessing, try taking stock of the successes you have had. The “A” you got on your thesis in college, the interview that landed you that first job out of college, that dress you were rocking the day your partner first saw you, the 10lb child you gave birth to in 3 hours, without drugs. Those are all pretty huge successes. Ones you should celebrate.
Try keeping a list in your head, or even better on paper, of the successes you have had in your life, the successes that deep down you are proud of, and look back on them as needed as reminders of just how amazing you are.
#5 – Relish your everyday victories.
This is an important one. Many of us feel like we are failures all day, every day. We don’t pack an organic lunch for our kids and then yell at them when they dawdle and miss the school bus. We are short with our partners when they let us down in some small way. We don’t get enough work done because we are trying to order shoes for the kids from Amazon. All of these we perceive as failures.
But really, we have successes in there too.
First and foremost, we get out of bed every day. Everyone should see that as a success. It’s not as easy as it sounds.
We might not pack organic, but our kids get lunch daily. We might not have finished that spreadsheet, but our kids will have shoes, which is essential, and that spreadsheet will ultimately get finished.
And we get to crawl into bed with our partner at the end of the day and share the closeness that surviving another crazy day brings.
So when those successes happen, recognize and relish them because you do have them. Every day.
To live the life of your dreams, you need to get back in touch with that child who knew her worth and demanded that she get what she needed to survive and thrive.
So try my tips and see what happens.
And I have more tips to share, so get in touch with me NOW, and we can get you on the way to living the life of your dreams.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.