Tag Archive for: kids

How To Spend Quality Time With Your Kids (5 Tips)

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We all wish that there were more hours in the day. More often than not, every mom feels like she just hasn’t done enough with her day when she finally crawls into bed at night. And usually she feels most guilty about the time she didn ‘ t spend with her kids. That guilt leaves moms feeling dissatisfied, self-doubting, and unhappy.

I am here to show you how to change that. Yes, life is busy, and the days seem short, but it is possible to make more time for your kids every day and go to bed feeling good.

#1 – Make spending time with your kids a priority.

Build it into your day. Write it on your list. Make it one of things that you can cross off when completed.

Going to the post office? Bring one of your kids and let them put the mail in the slot. Cooking dinner? Have one of your kids sit at the breakfast bar and help you chop the veggies. Walking the dog? Let one of your kids hold the leash. See how you can do that? And if you give your kids some responsibilities during your activities, you are killing two birds with one stone – time well spent and a life lesson given.

Jackie never included her kids in her errands because she thought they would find them boring, and she couldn ‘ t finish them efficiently. And then, one day, her 9 year old son came into the kitchen as she was making dinner. She asked him if he wanted to cut the mushrooms.

His eyes lit up, and he said YES. She set him up with her biggest, safest knife, and he cut the mushrooms. They weren ‘ t as perfect as she might have made them, and it took a bit longer than usual, but the look on her son’s face as he wielded that knife and the chatting they did as he cut them made it all worth while.

#2 – Recognize the difference between quality and quantity time.

So many moms don ‘ t do what they want to do because they think they don ‘ t have enough time. They don ‘ t exercise because they think they need more time than they have, so they give up the whole thing. It ‘ s the same with spending time with your kids. You don ‘ t need to spend an hour with them and organize some fancy activity. Talk to them in car on the way home from school. Take a few minutes at bed-time to connect whenever you can, ask them about themselves and their experiences. Just make the minutes worthwhile.

#3 – Make a date.

I know this goes against what I wrote above, but you should have regular dates with every important person in your life (including yourself!). Our lives are so chaotic and jam-packed, and it ‘ s important to take the time to connect with the people who are important to you. So, make a date with your child. Go to the movies, get some ice cream, take a drive, indulge in a little fast food. Make a date and make it memorable.

One of my clients made an effort to take her kids camping every year. Just her and her kids. No spouse. They eat jiffy pop and marshmallows, go miniature golfing, and stay up late around the campfire. It is a special and memorable time every year, one that they all look forward to. You can do something like this or smaller, more frequent outings.

#4 – Get involved in their activities.

Kids these days are busy, busy, busy, just like their parents. What better way to share time with them than by partaking in one of their activities. You can volunteer to coach their soccer team, be the classroom mom, or be the designated driver to summer camp. Better yet, you can get involved in an activity with them. You could enroll in a class together ‘ ¦ martial arts, ballets, arts and crafts, anything you want.

A man and child are playing arm wrestling.

A client of mine enrolled in a sewing class with her daughter. They had both always wanted to learn how to sew, and this was the perfect opportunity. They got to spend time together, laugh together when they made mistakes, and ultimately each made a piece of clothing that will always remind them of their time together. Priceless.

#5 – Get off your phone!

I am sure this one bears no explanation but no list about spending time with your kids is complete without it. Timespent on your phone, tablet, or laptop is not spent with your kids- no matter how good at multitasking you think you are. So, when your kids are around, please turn it off. If you do, you will find the time to make the suggestions above. And your kids will love you for it.

We moved to Tokyo when my kids were little, and when we asked them what they liked best about living there, they both said, ‘ mom ‘ s cell phone stayed in Maine. ‘ Telling…

Your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy, but finding ways to make more time with your kids is still important. Doing so will improve your relationship with them and allow you to go to bed at night feeling less guilty. Wouldn ‘ t that feel great?

What do you do to spend time with your kids? All would appreciate creative ideas, I am sure!

5 Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law, Even When It’s Really Hard

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Are you desperately seeking reasons to love your mother-in-law? Does it seem hard some days? Do you want to know if your mother-in-law likes you?

When you get married, more likely than not, you also get a mother-in-law, the woman who raised your partner. And quickly, there can arise conflict between you. She raised your partner and is used to things being done a certain way, and you married him or her and have your own opinions and traditions. This conflict can be really hard on a marriage. It can even destroy it.

Don ‘ t fret!

By understanding more about how your mother-in-law ‘ s brain works, you can improve your relationship with her and alleviate conflict and thereby strengthen your relationship with your partner.

Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law

Here are top 5 best reasons to love your mother-in-law.

#1 – Remember that she has experience that you don ‘ t have.

Our mothers-in-law have been doing what you are just beginning to do for probably more than a few decades. That is a lot of experience, experience that you should appreciate and take advantage of. You are new at all of this and can use all the help you can get, whether you know it or not.

An excellent way to get closer to your mother-in-law is to ask her to share that experience with you. Asking her questions, getting her opinions, sometimes even deferring to her wishes will all help you connect with her. And if she feels like she is playing part of her child’s new life, she will be way easier to get along with.

So mine some of the experience that you have right at hand. You will be glad you did, for many reasons.

#2 – Remember that she did raise your partner.

I know it ‘ s hard to imagine your mother-in-law gave birth to your partner. She fed them and bathed them, and changed their diapers for years. She taught them how to do just about everything that they do.

Your mother-in-law profoundly influenced your partner ‘ s life for 18 years or more. And that shouldn ‘ t be discounted. She even deserves some credit and respect for the fact that she did that.

My mother-in-law always told me that her son could vacuum a toilet like a madman. I told her that I had retrained him after 20 years of marriage: he cleaned nothing anymore. I see now that that was a slap in her face. She worked hard to raise the person that she did and should be recognized, and appreciated for that.

And remember, you did fall in love with the person she raised ‘ ¦.

#3 – Remember that she loves your kids as much, if not more, than you do.

They say that being a grandparent is the most wonderful thing in the world. You get all the joys of being a parent without all the difficulties. So know that, at the very least, one more person is madly in love with your child.

I know that my grandmother was a huge positive influence in my life. She hadn ‘ t been a great mother to my mother, but, for me, she was amazing. And I have learned, from my mother, that having grandchildren is the best thing ever happening to her.

An older couple holding a baby and another elderly woman.

So appreciate that this person loves your children as much as she does. After all, every person who loves your child is a gift.

#4 – Remember that she does want to help.

Mothers in-law don ‘ t set out to drive us crazy. They don ‘ t mean to criticize our parenting or complain about the state of our kitchen. They are there, in the house, to be with their children and grandchildren.

And, more often than not, their intentions are good.

Perhaps how they speak up about our parenting or housekeeping skills is abrasive and stinging, but remember, they are only human and most likely just trying to help. Really.

So next time your mother-in-law is in your house, put her to work. She can hang out with the kids or help you fold the laundry or take your partner out for a break. Mothers are used to being busy, and when she is at your house, a ‘guest,’ she might feel put out and useless.

I am sure there is some help somewhere that you need.

#5 – Remember that you are lucky to have her and that she won ‘ t always be there.

So many mothers start with no support. Their mother and mother-in-law is far away, no longer alive, or absent.

We are lucky to have someone there who can support us when we are new or even more seasoned parents. My mother lived in Virginia, and while she was there right after my daughter was born, she could only stay a week.

Fortunately, my mother-in-law lived close by. And while we didn’t always see eye to eye, she was there some times when I needed her. I am very lucky that I had that.

Also, remember, none of us are getting any younger, so our mothers-in-law might not always be there for us. Appreciate how lucky you are and make the best of it.

To love your mother-in-law is not always easy, but I promise you that doing so will be worth it in the long run.

Learn from her experience, have respect for the years she cared for your spouse, know that she adores your kids, put her to work and appreciate that she exists.

After all, your partner loves her. She is his or her mother. Your loving her shows your partner how much you love them, which makes everybody happy.

5 Little Ways for Moms to Feel Happier

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Every day moms take care of everyone else. That is just what we do. We make sure the kids are loved, fed, bathed and supported. Likewise, our partners. We do our best to carry our share, or more, at work and always try to be a shoulder to cry on for our friends.

What we aren ‘ t good at is taking care of ourselves. We set goals to go to the gym, or sleep more or eat better but in the end life gets in the way, and we just let it go.

We don’t have to do this!

Little Ways For Moms To Feel Happier:

Here are 5 Little Ways for Moms to Feel Happier.

#1 – Every day, do one thing that makes you happy:

It doesn ‘ t need to be a big thing but do something. Make a playlist for your car and listen to music that makes you sing out loud. Serve breakfast for dinner (because no one ever complains when dinner involves pancakes). Bring your book in the car and read a chapter while waiting to pick up the kids at school. Whatever small thing it is that makes your heart sing.

For me, when my kids were little, every Sunday was pizza night, and then my People magazine and I would retire to the bathtub for an hour. I went to bed Sunday night happy, and Monday mornings were much easier.

#2 – Replace the Oreos:

I am willing to bet that Oreos were not a staple of your diet before you had kids. Am I wrong? But now they are because they are in the cupboard. You get tired, or stressed or bored, and there, right in front of you, is a little disk of self-indulgence. So you eat one or 20, feel better for 30 seconds, and then feel not so good.

Keep something you love in the cupboard that will fill that need when you get tired, stressed, or bored, and go for that instead. Chocolate-covered almonds, honey-roasted peanuts, or individually wrapped chocolates (so you can ‘ t take a handful). And, if you have something that combines sugar and protein (like sweetened nuts), you won ‘ t be affected by the sugar so quickly and won ‘ t get that Oreo cookie crash.

#3 – Play with your kids:

When our kids are born, we all have grand plans to get down on the floor with them and play. And we do, at least until their sibling is born, and then we as often as not let them have at it.

Playing with your kids makes you happier, and happiness leads to healthiness. First of all, play makes you smile, and the physical act of smiling makes you happy. Also, by sheer definition, play is more fun than work. So put on a tiara and frolic with your kids, at least briefly. Try it!

One of my clients plays a game of cards with her kids and her husband every night after dinner. It only takes 20 minutes and they laugh and kid and enjoy each others company. And then off they go to homework etc. She reports that the 20 minutes makes the transitions easier and sets up a much smoother bedtime routine, every mother ‘ s dream.

#4 – Get just a little more sleep:

I know you are saying, ‘ Yeah. Right. ‘ But I am serious. Try to fit just a little more sleep into your day. Actually I am suggesting you build it into your schedule. Right there, between going to the dry cleaners and finishing your project for the meeting. Make a plan to take a 15-minute nap right after lunch, before you head out to do errands. Or sleep 15 minutes later 3 times a week, wherever you can fit in just a little more sleep.

If you sleep in 15 minutes 3 days a week, that ‘ s 45 minutes more sleep. Add two naps in there, and you have more than an hour. Every bit of sleep makes a difference.

#5 – Do one thing that will get your heart rate up:

Can ‘ t make time for the gym? No problem. Even a little cardio is better than none. Why? Because getting your heart rate up produces more endorphins, and endorphins produce a euphoric feeling.

Ideas? Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Dance around the kitchen while cooking a meal. Walk the dog. Ride a bike. Kick a soccer ball. Jump on the trampoline. Getting your heart rate up regularly is a very healthy thing to do.

A woman running in the middle of a field.

I have a client whose family got a dog. My client was worried because she knew it would do more work for her, which it did. Of course it needed to be walked, but taking it for walks changed her life. Not only did getting out of the house and getting her heartbeat up make her feel good, she also made more friends when she was out with the dog, and we know what more friends can do for your health!

So there you go: 5 Little Ways for Moms to Feel Happier. Give them a try for week. See what a difference it makes. Let me know when it does!

Have I missed anything? Do you have something you do that makes you feel healthier daily?

Are you having trouble implementing healthy habits into your life? Do you feel guilty when you try to set aside time to make yourself feel healthier? Let’s talk.

Raising Resilient Kids: 5 Ways to Help Your Kids Thrive

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When our kids are born, they are little pieces of perfection. We look at them and promise that they are going to have the perfect life, that we will be the perfect parent, that the life challenges we face, they won ‘ t have to.

Wouldn ‘ t it be lovely if it turned out that way?

We all have our challenges. Kids especially. It ‘ s always been hard to be a kid with school, acne, braces, lost best friends, and that dreaded gym class. They don ‘ t want us, but they need us.

5 Waysto Help Your Kids Thrive

#1 – Take the time to sit with them. Just be in their presence. So many of us spend our time running around, multi tasking. Our child is at the table, doing homework, and we are making phone calls, chopping vegetables, paying bills. Take a few minutes and sit next to your child. Share the silence. Kris did that one night. Her daughter was reading a book, and she joined her on the couch with her own book.

After a few minutes her daughter put down her book and told her mom about something that had happened at school that day. Kris shared that the interaction meant a lot to both of them and that she got just a little insight into her daughter ‘ s life.

#2 – Listen to them. We like to think that we listen to our kids when they talk to us, but many of us do other things when they do so. Have you ever heard yourself say ‘ uh huh ‘ when your child pauses for reaction and realizes that you have no idea what they just said. When your child talks to you, stop what you are doing and pay attention. Even if it ‘ s a frivolous story, you might get some nugget of information for future use.

#3 – Don ‘ t be a helicopter parent. Children are going to make mistakes. They NEED to make mistakes. They NEED to learn how to do things on their own. If you are always hovering, picking up the pieces when they fall, they will never learn how to do it independently. J

ulie always tied her daughter ‘ s shoes for her. Always. And then, on her daughter ‘ s first day of school, Julie wasn ‘ t there to tie them for her. Her daughter was crushed and didn ‘ t want to go back to school the next day. Julie taught her daughter how to tie her own shoes that very night, and she happily went off to school the next day.

#4 – Be Positive. Yes, we have all had challenging life experiences, experiences that we don ‘ t want our children to have. But no matter how hard we try, we can ‘ t stop them from happening. When you see your child facing something that you faced and failed at, DON ‘ T let your feelings of failure enter the conversation. Think about what you might have done differently and share it with them. Be positive.

#5 – Take care of their health. It is essential that all of us take care of ourselves, that we get enough sleep and exercise and eat a healthy diet. Many kids don ‘ t get enough of the first two and too much of the last one (often not so healthy). When your kids become teenagers, it is very difficult to influence their lifestyle choices, so working hard in their early years is important to instill good habits.

Make sure they have a comfy bed and that they play outside after school. Limit their screen time. Have healthy food available but don ‘ t make Oreos taboo. Kim ‘ s kids had a steady diet of frozen pizza and French fries they consumed in front of the TV. Her kids were always bears at bed-time, which made the morning routine especially difficult. At my suggestion, she tweaked their diets, and they ate dinner together at the dinner table, and suddenly, bedtime was a dream, and the mornings were better too.

So there you go, 5 ways to help your kids thrive. None of these tips are reinventing the wheel, but they are often overlooked amid the chaos of everyday living. But you can do it. You are doing it already. Pay attention and tweak things here and there; you will see a huge difference.

Do you have any stories about ways you have helped your children thrive? Questions about challenges that regularly arise? I would love to hear from you, and we can find more ways to help your kids ‘ ¦

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