5 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Relationship With Your Husband and Keep the Romance Alive

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The wedding is over, the rice has been thrown and now the question is How do you maintain a healthy relationship with your husband?

It ‘ s a very good question and a very important one. One that many newlyweds don ‘ t ask and should.

Marriage is wonderful but it lasts a long time and that time isn ‘ t always, or even often, easy. So thinking ahead about how to maintain a healthy relationship with your husband is very important.

So how DO you maintain that relationship?

#1 – Create a good foundation.

A good foundation is important for every structure and a marriage especially.

The habits that you develop as newlyweds will carry you forth throughout your marriage. In fact, if there are things that you are hoping will change once you are married, forget it. We only become more of who we are the older we get.

What are important pieces of a good foundation?

On the most basic level, trust is essential for every marriage. If you can not trust your partner to be honest with you, to be there when you need them, to know that they will always look out for your best interests, then you may as well be alone. Because if you can ‘ t trust your partner, who can you trust?

Another key piece of a good marriage foundation is mutual respect. It is impossible for two people to work well together if they don ‘ t respect the other person. If they don ‘ t respect their morals, their values and their work ethic. So make sure, early on, that you respect your partner and that he respects you back.

A third piece is knowing that you both recognize that you are a now a pair, that by getting married you have formed a new family.

Both of you come from individual families but now you are creating a new one. And that new one needs to be the priority. Sure, either mother-in-law might like things to be a certain way, but it ‘ s important that you both realize that your new family is the priority and that it is clear to others.

So set a good foundation for your marriage. It will be important that you do so going forward.

#2 – Be aware that kids are going to change everything.

Getting married is often followed by having children and I often wonder, if people really knew what having children was like, would they reconsider?

There is nothing harder on marriage then the arrival of a child. Suddenly the woman ‘ s priorities are totally redirected, away from the man who has been her life for years and towards this little helpless creature who she is biologically hard-wired to protect.

Right after my daughter was born my mother made us two sheet pans of lasagna. We froze them for when she went back to Virginia. I remember my husband coming home from work one day and, upon learning that we were having lasagna AGAIN, he stalked out of the room. I seriously thought I would never be able to cook and take care of a baby so I burst into tears.

And of course, as children grow, their demands on the family become greater and by their teen years their parents are exhausted and often estranged from each other. They live in the same house but that ‘ s it. The couple is gone.

It is essential that parents take time to spend time with each other during the chaos of raising children. Do fun things together, talk about subjects outside of the family, laugh a lot. If you don ‘ t you will completely lose who you are as a couple and be only Mom and Dad.

So don ‘ t forget your husband in the fray of raising your amazing children. You will be glad you did.

#3 – Treat each other with respect.

Nothing is worse in a marriage than when respect is gone. When respect is gone it is replaced by contempt and no relationship can survive when there is contempt.

If you spend time with any couple who has been married awhile you will know what I mean. One person ‘ s habits have become too much for the other person and it is very clear.

My ex-husband used to often come home late from work. At first I begged him to be home in time for dinner. He tried but most often failed. I got increasing frustrated and starting losing respect for him. I eventually stopped asking him and eventually started telling him that he was rendering himself irrelevant. That we didn ‘ t need him home for dinner anyway.

How great did that make him feel? He is my ex-husband, you notice.

#4 – Make sure your sex life is working.

Sex is an essential piece of any healthy relationship. It is important that every couple maintain a certain amount of intimacy to keep connected.

What is very important about married people sex is that it works for both people in the relationship. If he wants to have sex 5 days a week and she doesn ‘ t want to have sex more than once, then a compromise must be made so that you can both be satisfied.

If she has sex with him more than she might like he will be satisfied but she will not be because she will be resentful about what she feels forced to do. If they only have sex once he might get resentful that that is all he gets.

So have a discussion with your spouse. Make sure that both of you are happy with the amount and quality of the sex you share.

It could be the glue that holds you together.

#5 – Talk about money.

This is the holy grail of taboo subjects in a marriage and one of the top reasons that marriages fall apart. Many people can not talk about their finances without it descending into chaos.

Money is a difficult topic, whether there is too much or too little, and couples can rarely talk about it without fighting. How much a salary is, how much it costs to run a family and keep a house, spending money on self care, putting money away for savings. All are difficult topics and allocation for each of those areas is up for discussion at any given time.

The happiest couples I know are ones who have the tough talk regularly. Is the way the money being spent working for everyone? If not, what can be done to change that?

The key is working together, as a couple, to make the finances work for the whole family.

Try it. The conversation might be difficult but it could save your marriage.

So there are the 5 essential ways to maintain a healthy relationship with your husband.

I can not repeat enough how important it is to spend time early in your relationship setting a good foundation as a couple.

Learn how to talk about difficult things, like money and sex. Put yourselves first over your extended families. Make spending time together a priority. And never stop laughing.

Marriage can be wonderful. Do your best to keep it that way.

Do you want to maintain a healthyrelationshipwith your husband?

Let me help, NOW, and get that passion back quickly!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Reasons that the Key To Career Success is CONFIDENCE Not Talent Alone

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Your mentor recently told you that the key to career success is confidence not talent alone.

But how can that be? The thousands of dollars in education that you paid to acquire and polish your talent really should count for something.

And it does! But it ‘ s not everything!

Why is confidence so important to career success? There are 5 reasons.

#1 – Without confidence your talent won ‘ t shine.

I have a client who is a filmmaker. A very talented filmmaker. And, while she knows she can make movies, she doesn ‘ t believe that her talent is anything special.

She submitted her movie to a film festival and it was picked up to be screened. But, when she was called on by a reporter to discuss her film, her lack of confidence was on display.

She told the reporter that her film was no better than anyone else ‘ s and that the crew was more talented than she was and how there must have not been many submittals for the festival folks to choose hers.

And how did the reporter report my client? She didn ‘ t. She glossed over her in her article because who wants to highlight someone who isn ‘ t proud of her own work or sure of her part in it?

The reporter talked about other directors instead of my client and, because of this, those director ‘ s movies were better attended at the festival.

Because she couldn ‘ t express confidence in her work, my client ‘ s work wasn ‘ t able to shine.

#2 – Without confidence you won ‘ t speak up for yourself.

I have another client who is a computer programmer and is really, really good at what she does. She has been given nothing but glowing reviews by her boss and her co-workers love her. And, up until now, she has been very happy in her work.

Recently a new employee joined the company and everything changed. This new employee was not a team player and his attitude was affecting her ability to do her work to the best of her ability. My client started really struggling.

Unfortunately, in spite of the glowing reviews and the appreciation of her peers, my client didn ‘ t have enough confidence in herself, and in her work, to approach her co-worker about her difficulties nor did she notify her bosses that she was struggling.

As a result my client ‘ s work continued to decline and she was eventually passed over for a promotion.

She was very good at what she did but without confidence it didn ‘ t matter.

#3 – Without confidence you won ‘ t pursue career opportunities.

I remember when I was young and starting out in my career. I was working in the hotel business, in the catering department of a Four Seasons Hotel in San Francisco.

I was a catering assistant, processing paperwork for the catering directors. I loved my job but also really wanted to move up and be a director.

Part of me believed that I could do it but I most of me didn ‘ t KNOW that I could.

When a job opportunity came up I didn ‘ t apply for the job. I told myself that I wouldn ‘ t know what I was doing and that I would let everyone down and that I was doing just fine where I was, so why change anything.

So I didn ‘ t. And I stayed in that job for 2 years before moving on because I was bored.

I often wonder if I would still be working at the Four Seasons if I had taken a chance on that director job. I might not have been so bored that I was forced to leave.

#4 – Without confidence you will settle for less.

Recently it was announced that Mark Wahlberg was paid $1M for the remake of a movie and his co-star Michelle Williams was paid $1K. That doesn ‘ t seem quite fair does it?

Has this happened to you? Have you learned that a co-worker got a raise and that you did not. Or that other people in your department make more than you for the same work?

A client of mine found out that she was making less than everyone else and she wasn ‘ t happy and was considering leaving her job because of it. I asked her why she didn ‘ t just ask for a raise.

There must be some reason I don ‘ t get paid as much,she said. Maybe I just don ‘ t do as good a job as the others.

My client continued working her job but her motivation and her enthusiasm was gone and eventually she moved on.

#5 – Without confidence you won ‘ t believe in yourself.

There isn ‘ t one aspect of our lives that isn ‘ t impacted by whether or not we believe in ourselves. And if we lack confidence in any of those areas we are going to struggle to succeed.

Think about your relationship? Are you confident in the love that you have for that person? Do they treat you with respect and make you a better person? Do you have confidence in yourself in the relationship, knowing that you are being true to yourself? If you do, you will succeed.

How about when you go out with your friends to climb a mountain. Do you stand at the bottom and think there is no way!Or do you have confidence in yourself that, even if you have to go slow and rest, you will get to the top of that mountain? Which attitude will ensure you succeed, do you think?

Now think about your career and your career search. Do you believe in your talents? Do you believe that any company would be lucky to have you? Do you believe that you can do any job you put your mind to?

If yes, you have exactly what it takes to succeed in business because you have the confidence to believe in yourself. The positive attitude that you can make anything happen!

How great is that?

So how do you build confidence? In life and at work?

All of the people detailed above, myself included, didn’t have the confidence in their talents that they needed to be successful at their jobs. And that is why these people became my clients because their careers were not going in the direction they had hoped.

How did I help my clients gain confidence? I suggested that they take a good hard look at their lack of belief in their talent and prove it to me.

So each client made a list, of what she was capable of and had done compared to her co-workers. Each one realized that, in fact, her talent was outstanding and stronger than the others in her workplace.

She also looked at opportunities for growth that she might have that would allow her to have more confidence in her talents.

Armed with this knowledge, and action, my clients were able to build the confidence necessary to succeed in their career, and in life.

The key to career success is confidence, not talent alone.

Many people in this world are very talented. And that talent can open up doors for them. But in order to keep the door open, and move through it valiantly, self-confidence is necessary.

So take a good hard look at what you are good at. Write it down. Compare it to others. See where you might have room for growth and development. Take action.Work to build your confidence so that you can use your talents for great success.

Once you have taken stock get out there in the world and take it by storm.

You can do it!

3 Things To Do RIGHT NOW If You Are Depressed and Angry

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You are depressed and angry and you are scared.

Scared because you don ‘ t know why you are feeling this way. Scared because these are feelings that you can ‘ t seem to control. Scared because you don ‘ t know if the feelings will ever go away.

Depression and anger are scary things to manage but there are ways to do so. Here are what I believe to be the 3 most important things to do first.

#1 – Get to know your feelings.

Depression and anger are both feelings that most of us are familiar with but these feelings can appear in a variety of ways.

At one time or another we find ourselves sad or mad after something happens to us. I was really sad that I lost my mom ‘ s necklace and very mad later in the day because someone cut me off on the highway. Both of those emotions were warranted because those are things that would make any of us sad or mad.

Sometimes sadness and anger go together. My client ‘ s cat died and she was really sad but she was angry too because the cat was hit by a car. In this case, both emotions showed up and once again they were warranted because the circumstances around her cat ‘ s untimely death were both sad and frustrating.

And then, sometimes, depression and anger occur together, for a certain period of time, and nothing has happened to cause them.

I have a client who regularly suffers from depression, caused by a chemical imbalance that she chooses not to treat. As a result, she is often depressed and because she is depressed she can be lethargic, she has little interest in doing things or being with friends, she has gained weight and her productivity is WAY down.

And, as a result, she is pissed. Angry all the time that her life is a mess, that the world is out to get her and that none of it is her fault.

Get to know your depression and anger. Is it sadness and anger brought on by circumstance? Or perhaps the two are present together for logical reasons? If either of these situations are the case then most likely those emotions will pass.

If your depression and anger are more of a constant for you, something that is present in spite of circumstance, then further action is warranted.

Read on.

#2 – Tell someone who loves you what is going on.

If you are struggling with regular depression and anger then it ‘ s time to tell someone else what is going on.

Many people who suffer from depression and anger keep it to themselves. Many of them have isolated themselves from others or have been pushed away by the people they mistreat. They often don ‘ t realize how deep their feelings have become and have no idea what to do about them.

So, if you feel like you have been depressed and are angry, tell someone who loves you what is happening. Telling them how you are feeling and that you need some help.

I have a friend who is my person. He watches my emotions for me because sometimes when I get depressed I just don ‘ t see it happening. Suddenly I find myself lethargic and cranky and I don ‘ t know why. My friend Duncan is the guy who is paying attention for me and who will call me on it if he sees my moods change.

If you are depressed and angry find someone who loves you and share your burden. They will help you find your way out of the mess.

#3 – Get some help. Immediately.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If you are depressed and angry it ‘ s very important that you get some help right away.

Depression is something that can get worse if it goes untreated and the accompanying anger can get worse too. And we all know what can happen if untreated anger rears it ‘ s ugly head.

I have a co-worker who was ALWAYS cranky. At first we all put up with it but then it started to get worse. She was getting really mean and her work, and our work, was starting to suffer. I knew that she had a history of depression and I wondered if her anger was related to that.

One day, when I caught her sitting forlornly alone at her desk, I asked her how she was feeling. She looked at me and burst into tears. She had been treading water, trying to be okay with all of her strong emotions, but they had finally gotten the best of her.

With my help she reached out to her doctor and got the treatment that she needed to help her manage her depression and her anger.

It ‘ s important that you, or the person who loves you, reach out right away to your primary care doctor to seek treatment for your emotions. They might recommend a variety of treatments, such as therapy, medicine or both.

What do you do if you are depressed and angry? PAY ATTENTION, that ‘ s what you do.

Ask yourself where your emotions are coming from. If they are situational and will pass, recognize that and manage them until they do so.

But if your depression and anger are more deep-seated and pervasive then it ‘ s time to get help, from a loved one and a professional.

Depression and anger are serious issues. Don ‘ t take them lightly. For yourself, and those who love you, get help NOW.

5 Ways to Organize Your Life as a Working Mom and Stay Ahead of the Chaos

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Would you like to organize your life as a working mom and stay not only in the game but ahead of the chaos?

It seems daunting but it is possible! And wouldn ‘ t it feel great?

Here are 5 suggestions for making it all happen.

#1 – Use a calendar and make a schedule.

The most important part of an organized life is a calendar and a schedule.

I have a client who, every Sunday night, sits down with her calendar and charts out EVERYTHING that is happening in the week ahead.

What do I mean by everything?

  • Her work schedule
  • Her kids ‘ schedule
  • Any appointments that her family might have
  • Time for herself
  • Time for her and her spouse
  • Time spent on social media
  • Anything else that might need to be accounted for

Once she makes her schedule, she underlines in RED those things that are priorities and cannot be moved.

As the week progresses she looks at her calendar daily to adjust it as necessary but if something must get moved, it gets moved immediately so that it doesn ‘ t fall off her calendar and get forgotten.

She makes her calendar, she keeps it with her, she updates it regularly and makes it the blueprint of her life.

#2 – Stick to your schedule, no matter what happens at work.

The most important part of having a calendar is sticking to it. And I know, as a working mom, that can be very hard to do.

One thing I ask my clients: what is the one thing in your life that everything else revolves around? What is that one non-negotiable thing on your calendar?

Almost without exception, my clients answer WORK. They say that because they are reporting to a boss, and getting paid for it, they will sacrifice other things that might be a part of their week if work demands dictate that they do.

Is this you? Do you choose to work instead of meeting your other obligations?

If so, consider this: can you view some other things in your week, like you time or time with your spouse, as things that are as important as work and that you will not put aside for any reason.

Can you do this in spite of the fact that you aren ‘ t getting paid and reporting to someone else?

This is the key to organizing your life as a working mom and staying ahead of the chaos. To understand that some obligations are as non-negotiable as work and that putting them to the side just can’t happen.

#3 – Plan meals ahead of time.

A HUGE part of staying organized is planning and making meals ahead of time.

I remember, when my kids were young, deciding what to make every night was the hardest part of my day. I always felt that if someone else told me what to cook, making it would be easy. It was the deciding that was hard.

I suggest making a meal plan for the whole week, including lunches, over breakfast on Sunday morning. And from that meal plan make your shopping list so that you have all of the ingredients that you need for the week.

Ideally, you then get your partner to go to the grocery store but that is negotiable!

If you plan your menus ahead of time, and do the shopping as well, you will carve out a big piece of your day, every day, to get other things done.

#4 – Get help.

It is essential for working moms to get help where they need it.

Some moms need help keeping the house clean or cooking dinner or taking the kids to appointments. So if you need it, get it! Find someone to help you clean or cook or drive.

It ‘ s really okay to not do everything yourself.

If a babysitter or a cleaning lady is not in your budget, figure out some other way to get help. Your partner and your kids are the most obvious first choices in the help department. They can all help with the cooking and the cleaning and the chauffeuring. They may complain but they CAN do it!

You can also call on your friends to support you and you can support them as well. When my kids were young, the moms all took turns after school taking the kids to various activities. Each of us committed 1 day a week to being the driver, leaving the other 4 days after school open for work or other things.

Either way, you working moms DON ‘ T have to do everything yourselves. Ask for help. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Build in time for you.

Believe it or not, this is the most important piece of how to organize your life as a working mom.

Everyone needs time for themselves. EVERYONE. Just because you are a working mom it doesn ‘ t mean that you get to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of everyone else.

As a matter of fact, doing so is not good for anyone and will definitely make it difficult to stay ahead of the chaos. Remember the old adage: ‘ A happy mom means a happy family. ‘ It ‘ s more true now than ever.

So make an effort every week to build some ‘ ˜you time ‘ into your schedule. It doesn ‘ t have to be a lot of time. A few minutes in the morning before everyone wakes up. A 20 minute walk outside at lunch time. A few minutes of social media as you wait to pick up the kids from school.

When my kids were little, 3 nights a week were nights when I took a bath. For 45 minutes I was in my bathtub with my People magazine and the door was locked and I had ‘me time’. My husband dealt with whatever had to be dealt with. That time was life changing for me. I was able to take a deep breath and then step back into my life refreshed.

I am guessing that you are eager to organize your life as a working mom. You might feel like you are constantly treading water, just keeping your head up to keep from drowning.

But it doesn ‘ t have to be that way. Get a calendar, make a schedule, stick to it, plan ahead, ask for help and take care of yourself along the way.

The chaos will always be out there ‘ ¦how you manage it will help you stay ahead of it.

Areyou strugglingto organize your life as a working mom?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Healthy Relationship Boundaries to Keep the Romance Alive

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Healthy relationship boundaries are important to keeping every relationship alive and full of spark but they are something that aren ‘ t often part of relationship building.

Healthy boundaries come in many shapes and sizes, depending on the couple, but there are 5 basic boundaries that should exist in every relationship.

#1 – It is important to spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#2 – Don ‘ t let either of you be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Not letting any one of you be in charge is important. And it leads to #3.

#3 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each others ‘ behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the personal hygiene stuff personal.

Um so, what do I mean by this? Personal hygiene stuff?

I want you to think about what things you do around your partner. Are you willing to brush your teeth? To floss them after? To put on your makeup? To wear a face mask to bed? To pee as needed?

All of those things are, of course, necessary parts of life. And when we get familiar with our partners we are okay with doing them in front of them.

But I would suggest keeping personal hygiene stuff personal because doing those things in front of them can demystify you in the eyes of your partner.

I don ‘ t mean that if your partner sees you doing those everyday things he will love you any less but if he doesn ‘ t see you doing those things then you will continue to be that somewhat mysterious woman he fell in love with.

So do your bathroom chores by yourself. Keep that mystery, and the romance, going.

#5 – Be your own person outside of the relationship.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all women stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy relationship requires it.

Every relationship needs healthy relationship boundaries to keep the romance going.

Most couples don ‘ t put thought into boundaries until things start to go wrong. Don ‘ t be that couple. Set boundaries ahead of time so that you can stay on a positive track as you move forward together.

So spend time apart, share the power, treat each other with respect, keep personal hygiene personal and stay yourself. All of those things will lead to the healthy romantic relationship you have always longed for.

5 Questions To Ask When You’re Feeling Overwhelmed And Stuck

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Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck?

Do you look at your life and wonder how you are going to do it for even one more day?

Are the pressures brought on by work and family and health and home just becoming too much to bear?

Let me help you with some questions to ask yourself if you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck.

#1 – How overwhelmed am I?

I just got off the phone with a client who had contacted me two days ago. She was SO overwhelmed and stuck and she was at the end of her rope.

We set up an appointment for today and guess what! The overwhelm that she had felt just a few days back had evaporated. She had had a bad few days and just couldn ‘ t take it anymore. But then she had a few good ones and felt better.

I am not saying that what happened to her will happen to you but I am saying to check in with yourself about just how overwhelmed you are.

You are feeling overwhelmed today. Were you feeling the same way yesterday? Or last weekend?

Or perhaps was last weekend great and yesterday manageable but today has sucked in every way possible?

So ask yourself how overwhelmed you are. Whether it ‘ s short or long term, it ‘ s important to define it so that you can understand what you are dealing with so you can manage it effectively.

If you recognize your overwhelm is the result of what is happening TODAY then steps must be taken to fix what is happening. If your overwhelm has been with you longer then it ‘ s time to make a plan to deal with it definitively.

#2 – Do I know what EXACTLY is overwhelming me?

So my client was sitting there telling me how completely overwhelmed she was. I asked her what exactly it was that was overwhelming her.

Together we did a little excavation and made a list.

  • She had a new job and one of her co-workers had it out for her
  • She was moving out of the house and her mother wasn ‘ t being supportive.
  • She was having car trouble.
  • She was struggling with credit card debt.

Two things happened when we made that list. First, she realized what exactly it was that was overwhelming her. And when she saw how short the list was it took away some of the power of the overwhelm. She saw that the rest of her life was great; she was just struggling in a few places.

Secondly, she realized that she could actually fix some of the things that were causing her the overwhelm. Fix them right away.

And knowing she had the power to change things made her feel much stronger right away.

#3 – What can I do to change what is overwhelming me?

For my client, we worked through things step by step, figuring out what she could do about each thing. Because we knew that if we fixed the issues she would feel less overwhelmed and stuck.

As to her new co-worker, my client knew that she could only change herself and her reaction to her co-worker and so she decided to do that. She would share nothing of herself with her co-worker and she would work hard to do her very best at work and be well thought of in the office.

With her mother, she recognized that she would be out of the house in 2 weeks and she would no longer have to deal with her mom. Their relationship was, by the way, causing a HUGE amount of the overwhelm in her life. She realized this by making her list. Seeing it on paper made it stand out to her.

As to the car and the debt, she knew that with this new job she would start making more money. She made a plan to put aside money every week to work on her car and chip away at the credit card debt.

At the end of this exercise she felt SO much better. She knew that she had a plan to take care of the overwhelm in her life.

#4 – Am I taking care of myself?

If you are feeling overwhelmed and stuck it could be that you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself.

When we are feeling out of control of our life our physical health tends to pay the price.

Are you sleeping well? Taking breaks from work? Getting your exercise? Not using food for medication? Laughing with your friends?

All of these things are a very important part of managing feeling overwhelmed and stuck.

So take a moment and inventory how your body is feeling. If it is feeling anything but healthy and strong make a plan to change that immediately.

# 5 – Who can I ask for help?

This is the question that for many of us we have a hard time answering.

Why? Because women in America want to do it all themselves.

For whatever reason, the modern woman believes that she can take care of everything in her life as well as the life of her family, her friends and her job. She can go and go and go and go.

And then what happens? She goes to pieces because she just can ‘ t take it anymore.

Reaching out for help is a key part of feeling less overwhelmed.

If you aren ‘ t feeling healthy, reach out to a doctor or a trainer to get you in shape. If that project at work is making you crazy, pull together a team who can help you conquer it with ease. Is your house a mess? Hire an organizer and/or a cleaning service.

And of course, if you want help making a plan to get past your overwhelm and be happy, then you MUST hire a life coach. A life coach will work with you to identify exactly what it is that needs to be addressed so that you don ‘ t feel overwhelmed and stuck.

Are you feeling overwhelmed and stuck? Hopefully not so much anymore.

You know what to do, what questions to ask yourself.

Identify how overwhelmed you are and why. Make a plan to deal with issues that are getting to you. Take care of yourself and ask for help.

So go ahead. Do it! Imagine how much better you will feel if you do.

5 Things You MUST Know If You Are Feeling Depressed For The First Time

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You are feeling depressed for the first time. Are you feeling confused and overwhelmed and not sure what to do about it? It’s a scary feeling, one you have never experienced before.

Let me help you. I have struggled with depression for most of my life and there are some things that are essential to know if you are feeling depressed for the first time.

#1 – What kind of depression is it?

In my experience, there are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to you even if your life is going great.

Chemical depression can be treated but it might be treated differently from situational depression.

I have suffered from chemical depression my whole life and experienced situational depression while I cared for my mother as she was dying of pancreatic cancer. Both kinds of depression were tough to deal with but I figured out how.

#2 – There are different types of treatment for different kinds of depression.

For situational depression, depression that usually has a beginning and an end, the most effective treatment I found was talk therapy and the use of an anti-depressant.

Talk therapy is very effective for situational depression because there is usually something specific that needs to be processed. For me, I had to process the effects of being the caregiver of a dying parent and then how to cope when she died.

Medication was very effective for me as well. I described my anti-depressant as something that ‘ ˜raised the bottom of the pool for me to keep me from drowning. ‘

The talk therapywas important for me but it wasn ‘ t enough. The anti-depressant enabled me to get to the therapy, engage with the therapist and move on. Some time after the death of my mother I was able to stop the anti-depressant medication, although I did continue the therapy for a while.

With chemical depression talk therapy can also be quite effective but medication is often an essential part of treatment.

I have suffered from depression my whole life; the result, I believe, of genetics – both my grandfather and my great grandfather were severely depressive. The fact that my brain chemistry is off is an inherited trait, much like the thyroid cancer my grandmother passed down to me.

For me, the most effective way to manage my brain chemistry is with medication. I have been on a mood stabilizer for 10 years now and it has balanced out my brain chemistry to the point where the depression no longer controls my life.

Because chemical depression often doesn ‘ t have an ‘ end, ‘ other types of treatment can be very effective. I have found that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worked quite well for me. CBT teaches you how to talk back to your brain when it tries to bring you down. It teaches you how to identify thought patterns that don ‘ t serve you which can help you manage your depression.

There are many other types of therapy and learned coping skills that work with chemical depression as well. Talk to you therapist about what might work best for you.

#3 – Depression is nothing to be embarrassed about.

In the United States mental illness is the #1 most discriminated against state of being, over race and sexual orientation. Many people believe that depression is something that can be avoided and if you are ‘ ˜strong enough ‘ you can power through it.

Many people also believe that taking medication is a mark of weakness. People don ‘ t question my taking medication for a thyroid disorder but I get questioned every day about why I take psychotropic meds.

All that being said, virtually everyone in the US is touched in some way by depression. They might struggle with it or perhaps a parent or a child does. Whatever the case, there are many, many people out there living with mental illness and hiding yours won ‘ t serve you.

In fact, one of the best ways that I manage my depression is by talking about it, with my family and friends, but also with other people who are struggling like me.

#4 – Your depression will get worse without treatment.

Both types of depression, both situational and chemical, will get worse without treatment.

I wasn ‘ t diagnosed with depression until I was 42 years old when it got so bad that I had a breakdown. Earlier treatment might have prevented me from getting to that place.

It is essential that if you are struggling with depression that you reach out to your primary care provider right away. You can discuss with them the causes and symptoms of your depression and make a plan on how to move forward with treatment.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

If you are depressed for the first time it is very important that you take care of yourself.

Many people who are depressed self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, food and sex, among other things. While these things will make you feel better in the short term, in the long run you will find that these things only make your depression worse.

So make sure you are doing things that are good for you. Exercise regularly, sleep well and eat foods that are healthy. Spend time with people who are good to you and do activities that make your heart sing.

While these things won ‘ t cure your depression, they will make living with it way more tolerable and allow you to live a quality life.

If you are feeling depressed for the first time it is essential that you recognize your depression for what it is and reach out for help right away.

Depression is a scary thing and while it is tempting to ignore it in the hopes that it will go away, really it won ‘ t. I tried to ignore mine and instead found myself one day in a closet, banging my head against the wall.

So reach out to your primary care giver today. Get your treatment started. And make sure that you take care of yourself along the way.

You will be glad you did! I was.

Do you know that you are feeling depressed for the first time?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets worse!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons Why True Career Success Begins With Knowing Yourself

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You know that woman you want to be? The one who seems to have the career of her dreams? What does she have that you don ‘ t? Probably nothing. Because the key to true career success begins with knowing yourself.

Of course, knowing yourself is the key to success in every area of one ‘ s life. Unless you really know who you are, what you are good at and what you want you can never truly succeed.

This is especially true for achieving career success.

So why does true career success begin with knowing yourself?

#1 – Because you will avoid unfulfilling jobs and choose a career path in which you will thrive.

If you know yourself you will know what kind of career you will matches your strengths and passion.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at. Are you a big thinker or perhaps better at fine details? Are you creative or more analytical?

If you know yourself you will know what your passions are. Are you inspired to help other people? Are you drawn to the arts or to the sciences? What makes you really want to get out of bed in the morning?

If you know yourself you know that if you don ‘ t bring your best, most passionate self to any career you won ‘ t succeed.

#2 – Because you will have confidence that you will get the job done.

If you know yourself you will have the self-confidence necessary to get a job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at and what you are passionate about and you will choose a career path that will align with what you know. As a result, you will have no doubt about your ability to get things done.

Furthermore, a self-confident woman is a force to be reckoned in the workplace because she can hold her own in a man ‘ s world, no easy feat in many cases.

#3 – Because you will achieve work/life balance.

If you know yourself you will more easily achieve a work/life balance, a key to career success.

For many years it was believed that the harder we worked the more successful we became. And, while hard work is very important, so is having a quality life outside of work.

If you know yourself then you will be able to look at your career and your personal life, define what are priorities for you and make them happen.

Is it important to you that you get some exercise every day? Is it important that you be the first one into work in the morning? Is it important that you get home in time for dinner? Is it important that you go out one night a week with your co-workers?

If you know yourself you will more readily be able to define what you need for success in all areas of your life and make a plan to make sure that all of your needs are met.

#4 – Because you will know how much you can handle.

If you know yourself then you will have a clear understanding of just how much work you can handle.

Many women are guilty of biting off more then they can chew because they believe that they are the only one who can get the job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of how much you can take on without overwhelming yourself. This is important because if you are overwhelmed you won ‘ t get the job done well and you will not be able to achieve good work/life balance.

And if you know how much work you can manage successfully then you will be more likely to achieve career success.

#5 – Because you will know your value in the workplace.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of the value that you bring to your workplace.

If you know yourself you have a hold of your financial needs and therefore can make some good decisions regarding the work that you do.

Many of us take on jobs that do not give us the financial security that we need. As a result, we either take on another job or we live with the knowledge that we are barely making ends meet. Neither one of these things are conducive to getting a job done well.

So be clear with yourself as to what you need to live in the manner to which you are accustomed. And don ‘ t be afraid to speak up to the powers that be about what you are worth.

A woman who knows herself knows her value to her employers and isn’t afraid to say it.

True career success begins with knowing yourself.

Before you begin your job search take some time to inventory yourself. What are you good at? What are your passions?

Armed with this information you will have the self-confidence to go forth in the world and find work at which you will succeed.

Once you have the job of your dreams, if you who know yourself, you will take on no more than you can handle so that you have a work/life balance that will allow you to succeed in all areas of you life.

So get to know yourself TODAY. You will be happy you did!

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