How To End a Relationship Without Regret

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Are you wondering how to end a relationship without regret?

Are you mostly sure that the person you are with is not the person for you?

Are you desperate to figure out whether you are doing the right thing?

Are you fully aware that if you don ‘ t do this right you could leave your person devastated?

Ending a relationship without regret is fully possible and how, in an ideal world, every relationship would end.

So, how do you end a relationship and walk away with your head held high?

#1 – Make sure that you give it your best shot.

It ‘ s very important, when you want to end a relationship without regret, is to make sure that you do everything in your power to make it work.

Many people walk away from relationships without really doing the honest work. They leave because their guy doesn ‘ t understand their feelings or their girl won ‘ t let them go out with the guys on the weekends.

In the words of Arianna Grande, ‘ Thank you, next ‘

But what if there is a hidden gem under that surface issue that you don’t seebecause you just up and walk away from a relationship. What if your guy doesn ‘ t understand your feelings but he loves you madly and would love to figure out how to do it but he needs you to show him.

My boyfriend once said to me, in the face of my sadness, ‘ I don ‘ t know what to do!!! ‘ And he didn ‘ t. He had a better idea once I showed him.

So, make sure you aren ‘ t breaking up with someone because of some surface sentiment. Do the work, dig deep, talk to your person about the things that are frustrating you and see if you can fix them so you can continue moving forward together.

Wouldn ‘ t you hate to see your person with someone else, being the person that you wanted them to be but never asked?

#2 – Do it for the right reasons.

Make sure, when you are thinking about how to end a relationship without regret, that you are doing it for the right reasons. If you are ending your relationship because there is someone else, DON ‘ T. The grass isn ‘ t always greener, no matter how amazing it looks right now.

If you are ending your relationship because your friends or family tell you that you should, DON ‘ T. This is your relationship and you need to figure out if this is the person for you.

If you are ending your relationship because your person doesn ‘ t make enough money or isn ‘ t hot enough or listens to weird music, DON ‘ T. Just because someone doesn ‘ t fit society ‘ s ideal of the perfect person, that doesn ‘ t mean they might not be the perfect person for you.

Make sure that you are ending your relationship for the right reasons, that you have given it thought and know that this person is not the right person for you. If you don ‘ t, you might always regret it!

#3 – Don ‘ t be a ghost.

If you want to end a relationship and feel good about it, don ‘ t disappear.

Ghosting seems to be the thing these days – men and women disappearing without a word to their partner. Whether it be because they are scared to face someone or they are too lazy to deal or they are just too busy, people just vanish, never to be heard from again.

And, while this might feel good in the moment, I can promise you that some day you will regret it.

You will regret treating someone with so little respect, knowing that you have hurt them deeply and that you could have done things differently.

Once you ghost someone, you can ‘ t take it back. You will always be the person who did that.

So, if you are considering ghosting your person, don ‘ t. I can promise you that you will regret it, big time, some day.

#4 – Allow them to speak their piece.

When you are breaking up with someone it is important for them to be able to have a conversation with you about your decision to end the relationship.

People like to process break ups and whether the relationship ending abruptly or died a slow death, it is important that each of you get the opportunity to talk about it with the other.

I am not saying that it needs to be hashed out over and over and over but giving each other the chance to say what needs to be said is a very important piece of ending a relationship without regret.

#5 – Do unto others.

If you are still wondering how to end a relationship without regret, here is the gold standard for doing so.

The very best way to end a relationship without regret is by treating your person the way you would want to be treated.

That is not to say that if you aren ‘ t the kind of person who doesn ‘ t want to process a break up verbally you don ‘ t let your partner do that. More what I mean is that I am sure that, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would want to be treated with kindness and respect.You wouldn ‘ t want your person to disappear or talk about you behind your back. You would like to speak your piece and move on.

So, think carefully about how you would feel if someone was breaking up with you and how you would to be treated in the process.

Thinking about how to end a relationship without regret ahead of time is an excellent way to ensure that your relationship ends well.

Having regret about the end of a relationship is something that you will have to live with forever. And I can promise you, from first-hand experience, you don ‘ t want that.

So, make sure that you don ‘ t give up too quickly, that you don ‘ t disappear, that you are doing it for the right reasons and that you allow them to say what they need to say.

If you do these things, you will be able to move forward with a clear conscience and find the love of your life.

Good luck! You can do it!

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7 Warning Signs of Depression That You Need To Know

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Are you wondering what signs of depression look like? Are you feeling not yourself and wondering if you are depressed?

Below a list of 7 warning signs of depression that are important for you to know right now! The earlier you diagnose depression, the easier it is to treat.

#1 – Hopelessness.

Are you struggling with feelings of hopelessness? When you think about the future are you filled with dread because your future looks so bleak?

When we are depressed, looking to the future in a positive way is literally impossible. When we are depressed it ‘ s hard to imagine that we will ever feel any differently than we do right now so the idea that the future might be bright is impossible to imagine.

It ‘ s important that we recognize that hopelessness is one of the signs of depression because hopelessness is one of most insidious signs of depression because it can lead to thoughts of suicide.

So, understand that your hopelessness is in your head because of your depression and that seeking help is the best thing you can do to manage it.

#2 – Changes in sleeping patterns.

Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you sleeping way more than you used to?

Changes in sleeping patterns is one of the major signs of depression. We sleep less because we often lie awake with thoughts of hopelessness and dread keeping us up.

On the other hand, we sleep more because our body feels heavy and our mind is tired and sleep is the ultimate escape, if only for a bit.

If your sleep patterns have changed, recognize that it is one of the signs of depression and seek treatment.

#3 – Lack of interest.

Are the things that have always made you happy things that you now find unthinkable to do?

I know when I get depressed doing things that I have always loved to do, like hiking or reading or life coaching, are almost impossible. Instead, I lay around and watch TV and shut myself off from the things that make me happy.

And lying around watching TV actually sinks me into a deeper depression then I had before. Ironic, no?

So, if you are struggling to do the things that you love, you might be suffering from depression and it ‘ s time to seek help.

#4 – Listlessness.

One of the easiest signs of depression to notice is a distinct listlessness.

Do you have less energy than you used to? Does getting off the couch or out of bed seem simply impossible?

I always say that my depression is a 100lb gorilla on my back, one who comes along with me doing my everyday day tasks but who makes doing them way more difficult because of it ‘ s weight

So, if you are struggling more than before with having the energy to live your life, you might be depressed and, again, seeking help would be a good idea.

#5 – Anger & impatience.

Do you find yourself quick to anger or impatient with those you love more than you used to?

Are your co-workers complaining because you are difficult to work with? Is your husband staying away because your irritation with him has grown? Do you find the kid ‘ s bedtime routine can enrage you in a way that it hasn ‘ t before?

Being more angry and impatient than usual can be one of the signs of depression and seeking help will be important before that anger harms your life and your relationships.

#6 – Isolating.

One of major signs of depression is that tendency to isolate.

When we are depressed, the idea of spending time with other people is almost unbearable. The thought of interacting with people in any way fills us with such a feeling of hopelessness and dread that we just can ‘ t do it.

Ironically, one of the best coping skills for managing depression is to spend time with those you love, to laugh and live and push that depression to the side, if only for a while.

Are you finding yourself wanting to keep away from others more than usual? If you do, you could be depressed and I encourage you to get help before your isolation makes everything worse.

#7 – Self-loathing.

One of the biggest signs of depression but one of the hardest to spot is self-loathing.

People who are depressed, people who are hopeless, listless, angry and isolated, are people who don ‘ t like themselves.

They don ‘ t like the behaviors they are displaying, the hurt they are causing people, the lack of interest in things that make them happy. They feel bad because getting up off the coach is truly impossible and what a loser they must be.

Furthermore, because there is such a stigma around depression, people who are depressed blame themselves for their mind set. They believe it when people tell them to Suck it up or Snap out of it.

They believe that, because they can ‘ t manage their mood, they are in fact a loser.

And believing that you are a loser will only exacerbates your depression.

So, if you are struggling with your self-esteem right now, in a way that you haven ‘ t before, then you could very well be depressed.

I want you to know, very clearly, that this depression is NOT your fault. It is something that has happened because of a chemical change or a life occurrence. It ‘ s not something that you can just brush off. But it is something that you can deal with by seeking help.

So, do it!

Noticing the signs of depression is a key part of accepting that you might be depressed.

An important part of managing your depression is accepting it and you can more easily do that by looking out for the signs.

So, notice if you are feeling hopeless, have a change in your sleeping patterns, if you have no energy or interest in doing things, if you are quick to anger and you if really don ‘ t like yourself.

The quicker that you seek treatment, the easier your depression will be to manage.

I struggled my whole life with depression but wasn ‘ t diagnosed until I was 42. Think of all of the life that I wasted being sad. Don ‘ t let that be you!

 

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Why Does Love Hurt in a Relationship? 5 Surprising Reasons.

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Why does love hurt? I mean, seriously.

Love in the movies is full of roses and sunshine but, for some reason, in real life it ‘ s different.

Being in love means being in pain. Maybe not all of the time but certainly some of the time.

Many people are in pain because they are actually being physically or psychically abused by their partner. We aren ‘ t going to talk about that today. We are going to talk about why every day, regular, loving relationships can be painful.

The answers might surprise you!

#1 – The uncertainty about the future.

When you are wondering why does love hurt one of the biggest reasons is because of the uncertainty of it all.

Love is wonderful and when we are falling in it we feel so wonderful and secure. And happy. And we get accustomed, in a way, to that security and comfort and we don ‘ t want it to go away.

Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in love. We know that from experience. And our hearts are so scared that this relationship will turn out like others and will cause us pain. Again.

So, it ‘ s the not knowing the future of our relationship – how it will turn out – that causes us physical pain. The anxiety can cause stomach pain, heart ache that feels real, head fog and other physical symptoms. Symptoms that cause us literal and figurative pain.

Try to manage your worries about the future. No one knows what will happen and worrying about it will only take away from the happiness that you are feeling right now.

#2 – The expectations of what could be.

Unfortunately, it ‘ s that darn future that causes love to hurt in a relationship.

For many of us, living in the moment is very difficult. Instead of enjoying where we are right now, we project ahead to the future. Even if you are secure in your relationship, wondering what is next can cause physical and psychic pain.

It ‘ s those questions that you run over and over in your head that do it. When will I see him again? What will we do, if anything, this weekend? When can we move in together? When will she introduce me to her friends?

Again, worrying about the future, even in a secure, committed relationship, can cause pain. The symptoms can be similar to those described above. You might also find yourself feeling needy and clingy, neither of which are very fun for your partner.

So, if this is you, worrying about the future constantly, try to let it go and focus on right now.

#3 – The chemical crash.

Another reason that love is so painful is because of our body ‘ s chemistry.

When we are falling in love, all sorts of wonderful chemicals are coursing through our bodies.

Dopamine, serotine, oxytocin and endorphins are all stimulated when we are experiencing love and lust. Those chemicals feels SO good that they are, in a way, addictive. Because our bodies only produce them at certain times, like when we are falling in love or after we exercise, when we don ‘ t have them we crave them.

You know how, when after a lovely weekend together, you separate and the feeling is intensely painful? That is because your body is literally going into withdrawal of those chemicals that make you feel so good. And you won ‘ t feel them again until you have some contact with your person.

This withdrawal is extremely painful and we will do just about anything to ease the pain. This need leads to anxiety about when we will see them again and the suffering is intensified.

If they are struggling with withdrawal pain, I encourage my clients to exercise. Dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins are generated by exercise and you can, at least temporarily, get those chemicals coursing through your blood again and alleviate that pain.

#4 – The baggage we bring.

Yes, we have all been in and out of love over the course of our lifetime and, for many of us, the memories of what caused previous heartbreak is real and still present in our mind. As a result, we bring the baggage from past relationships into our new ones and that can cause pain.

I know that I have had a number of boyfriends who have let me down. They made me promises, big promises, and then didn ‘ t follow through with them, leaving me heartbroken.

As a result, when I am in a new relationship, I am constantly on the lookout for being let down. Sometimes it ‘ s so bad that I set up my new guy to let me down, just to see what he will do.

This baggage, baggage that comes from past relationships, can cause us a lot of pain in our new ones. And that is dangerous because we don ‘ t want that baggage to interfere with the new one ‘ s success.

If you are carrying pain from past relationships, try to let it go and not project it onto your new partner. It ‘ s not his fault that another guy messed up so don ‘ t make him pay for it!

#5 – The letdown.

You know when you are falling in love and you are so excited that you finally met a person who had their shit together and knew how to treat you. Years and years of searching and FINALLY you hit paydirt!

Or did you?

When we are falling in love, all we know is that our person is perfect. But then, as time goes on, our person reveals more of who he is and we learn that maybe he isn ‘ t exactly who we thought he was.

I am not saying that your perfect guy turned out to be a narcissistic sociopath (although that does happen) but your perfect guy does turn out to be imperfect.

Perhaps the guy who always used to hold the door for you sometimes doesn ‘ t. Or perhaps he has revealed himself to be a bit of a slob. Perhaps he spends more time at work then he used to or he plays a few more video games then you might like.

When the person we thought was perfect turns out not to be, there can be a huge letdown. It ‘ s not that they aren ‘ t perfect enough to keep around but sometimes the awakening can be a rude one. And a painful one.

So, what do you do when the letdown causes you pain? You take stock of the good things about your person (like the fact that he isn ‘ t a narcissitic sociopath) and, if necessary, address the things that might not be so perfect. If you know that the video games are going to be an issue, either talk to him about how you feel about them or choose to accept them as part of your life.

Either way, don ‘ t let the fact that your person isn ‘ t the perfect person you thought he was get in the way of your happiness. You probably aren ‘ t quite the person he thought you were either and still he stays.

Why does love hurt? Why can ‘ t life be easy and full of joy?

On some level, these are existential questions but there also some concrete reasons why.

Fortunately, the pain doesn ‘ t need to mark the end of a relationship. Take stock of the things that are causing you pain and take steps to address them.

Are you feeling uncertain about your future? Do you wonder about expectations? Do you struggle with the chemical crash or the weight of the baggage that you bring? Do you wonder if this imperfect person is the one for you?

Address these things one at a time and the pain that you feel in your relationship can be managed and reduced.

Love can be wonderful and love can be painful. Make sure that the balance of the two is equal and you can live happily ever after!

You can do it!

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25 Toxic Relationship Quotes To Help You Move On

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I truly believe that one of the best ways to successfully get out of a toxic relationship is with support from others who have shared in the same experience.

To that end, I have gathered 25 toxic relationship quotes to give you the inspiration and support that you need to get yourself out of a relationship that is sucking you dry and to give you the inspiration to live a full life.

The quotes are from celebrities and authors, sages and unknowns. All of them spoke to me and I am sure will speak to you too.

Dear Self: Stop re-opening your doors for toxic people…then calling it “seeking closure.” Certain things don’t work out in life ‘ ¦ and that’s ok. – Reyna Biddy

You can ‘ t fight for a place in someone ‘ s life because no matter how hard you try to keep your place…they ‘ ll put you where they want to even if it ‘ s not where you should be. – Anon

Sometimes it’s better to end something & try to start something new than imprison yourself in hoping for the impossible.– Karen Salmansohn

Thank you. Next.– Ariana Grande

You survived the abuse. You ‘ re going to survive the recovery. – Anon

When it comes to abuse, you believe there ‘ s no way out. There is always help. There is always a way out. – Rev. Donna Mulvey

Please don ‘ t settle for temporary pleasures. You ‘ re worth more than a late-night text and an uncommitted soul. – Unknown

Strong women get tired, strong women feel broken, strong women eventually get fed up, strong women will eventually walk away for good.– r.h. sin

When a strong woman finally gives up it ‘ s not because she is weak or because she no longer loves her man. To put it in the simplest terms – she is just tired. She is tired of the games, she is tired of the sleepless nights, she is tired of feeling like she is all alone and its only one thing. She is tired. – Anon

One ‘ s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered. – Michael J. Fox

I hope you fall in love with someone who always texts you back and who never lets you fall asleep thinking you are unwanted. – Unknown

Some people won ‘ t love you no matter what you do. Some people won ‘ t stop loving you no matter what you do. Go where the love is. – Karen Salmansohn

Sometimes a man ‘ s purpose in a woman ‘ s life is to help her become a better woman…for another man. – Anon

If he ‘ s not doing anything to keep you then why are you trying so hard to stay? Taylor Swift

Cheer up sweet, beautiful girl. You are going to be in love again and it ‘ s going to be magnificent. – Anon

If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.– Paulo Coelho

Just because your past didn ‘ t turn out like you wanted it to doesn ‘ t mean your future can ‘ t be better then you have ever imagined. – Unknown

Love is the strongest and most fragile thing we have in life. Nothing is ever for sure, but when something in love doesn’t work from the beginning, it’s never going to work. Don’t push it. – Vanessa Paradis

You deserve to be with someone who looks at you every day like they have won the lottery and they have the whole world in front of them. – Anon

My life basically blew up in my face. And now I ‘ m in this new life, and it ‘ s pretty awesome I have to say ‘ ” I ‘ m so inspired. Everything just feels new. – Gwen Stefani

You need to keep on moving, darling, or you will miss the train to a better life than this. – Unknown

Pour yourself a drink, put some lipstick on and pull yourself together.– Liz Taylor

The best way to mend a broken heart is time and girlfriends. – Gwyneth Paltrow

You are one decision away from a totally different life. – Unknown

You will find love again, and it will be even more beautiful! In the meantime enjoy all that YOU are! – Rihanna

Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together -Marilyn Monroe

So there you are, 25 toxic relationship quotes to help you move on.

I hope they have inspired you to know that you deserve better than someone who doesn’t love and value you everyday and that, if you choose to leave, a better life awaits you.

Go for it! Life is yours for the taking!

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What I Learned About Suicide Contagion When My Friend Killed Himself

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Last week, a very dear friend of mine killed himself. We went to high school together and reconnected 20 years later when our kids played soccer together. His wife is one of my closest friends and, while I knew he struggled with addiction, I never truly understood how deep his depression was.

I have lived with depression all my life. I always say that it ‘ s like a 100 lb gorilla on my back, one that I carry with me no matter what I am doing. It has been my constant companion, one that I have, with the help of therapy and meds, been able to keep at bay.

That being said, in the week since my friend died, my depression has decided to take charge in a big way and for the first time I understand what suicide contagion, or a suicide cluster, really is.

Suicide contagion is defined as ‘ ˜multiple suicidal behaviors or suicides that fall within an accelerated time frame, and sometimes within a defined geographical area. ‘

Generally, they occur with adolescents but not always. Recently, the father of a Sandy Hook victim killed himself shortly after a Parkland survivor did the same.

So, no one is immune to it, I have heard, but I certainly assumed I was.

For as far back as I can remember I have been depressed. I have carried with me a feeling of hopelessness and dread that was overwhelming. The prospect of going to school or making friends or doing my homework filled me with such a sense of hopelessness that I used to obsess about no longer existing. I didn ‘ t want to kill myself but I also didn ‘ t want to live.

I had no idea that I was different from other people so I certainly never talked about it. I just went about living my life, suffering almost every minute.

I carried my hopelessness into high school and college, where I discovered boys, alcohol and drugs as a great way to ease that sense of dread. By 24, I was full blown alcoholic, a high functioning one, but one whose every day was exhausting because of what I carried with me.

When I had my kids, I stopped drinking and doing drugs but replaced that urge with being perfect – the perfect wife, mother and employee. I worked very hard to be perfect so that I could numb the pain that was my life.

And then one day, I couldn ‘ t fight it anymore and I found myself in a closet, banging my head against a wall.

The next day I was diagnosed with BiPolar II – a chemical disorder of my brain that leads to long term depression with little bleeps of hypomania (think about how you feel after that 3rdcup of coffee).

Since then, because of medication and therapy, I have been stable. My depression isn ‘ t as debilitating as it was but I do still live with it every day.

Every day.

Since my friend died, my depression has reared its ugly head. I have been having a hard time functioning, forming thoughts and getting them out of my mouth has been almost impossible and having hope for the future is challenging.

I think about my friend and how he has finally been freed from the 100lb gorilla he carried on his back for so long. And I wonder if he has found peace. I wonder if whatever is next is better than what is now. I know his life was horrible for him because not only was he depressed but he also struggled with addiction. It was horrible enough that he was willing to leave behind his wife and kids and everyone who loved him.

Where and how is he now? I wonder almost every minute of every day. And wanting to know is almost irresistible.

So, why am I still here, writing this blog instead of going down that rabbit hole with him?

For me, what I see more than anything is the wreckage that he has left behind. My amazing friend, who I know loved her husband madly even in the face of his struggles, is devastated. I can ‘ t even image what it was like telling her boys and how they are feeling in the world right now.

All of us who loved him miss him terribly and always will.

As my kids and I process this grief together, I know that, no matter what kind of peace might wait for me somewhere else, worse for me would be knowing that I was responsible for the 100lb gorilla I would probably be leaving for my kids and my friends and my amazing boyfriend. This depression that has been my constant companion might seek out another person and most likely would choose one of the people I love.

And that ‘ s not ok.

I have no judgement for my friend, only empathy and love. And I will survive this struggle that I have with my presently powerful depression.

But now I know and understand why suicide contagion happens and I also understand why I won ‘ t catch it. And I will make it my life ‘ s work to make sure that others understand it and don ‘ t succumb to it themselves.

Life is incredibly hard for those of us who live with depression. You might even know that personally. But for me, I would rather carry that gorilla, every day, and be able to protect my kids from its weight, then slip away into the oblivion that might be peace.

Or it just might not be.

Thank you for listening. With love.

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