Why Having An Affair at Work with a Married Man Is a REALLY Bad Idea

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The average worker spends about one third of their time at work—122  days a year, 8 hours a day. And this doesn’t include commuting time.

That is one third of their life spent away from friends, family and hobbies. One third of their life bonding with co-workers and one third of their lives most likely working under stressful conditions.

That is a lot of time. And that is why so many people find that their work lives take over their personal lives, often at the expense of families and friends.

A study done by Forbes found that one in five people surveyed have had an affair with a co-worker. That is 20 people out of every 100 people surveyed.

That is a big number.

When I researched these statistics, I found that almost every human resource study cautioned about the prevalence of these affairs and addressed the massive affect it has on business and on individuals.

If having a workplace affair isn’t destructive enough, being single and having a workplace affair with a married man can push things over the top. Over the top in a way that has the power to destroy lives.

I would like to share with you now why having an affair at work with a married man is a REALLY bad idea.

Perhaps if you are clear about what can happen, you might make a different decision about what you are considering doing!

#1 – It will affect your performance.

There is literally nothing more important than having excellent job performance.

With excellent job performance you get accolades, raises and promotions. You feel good about yourself and you are respected by your co-workers. You have confidence that you can do what needs to get done, no matter how difficult.

If you are reading this article, you are probably aware of how distracting an affair can be, even if it hasn’t been consummated. Time that you used to spend focusing on work is now spent in corners chatting with your person. Daydreaming about them instead of doing the tasks assigned to you. Sneaking out for lunches and meeting on the stairwell for a chat.

All of these things are fun and feel good but they are not good for your performance. And, if your job performance fails, you might just lose it and then where you will be?

#2 – It will affect your professional reputation.

I have a client who has been having an affair with a married man for a long time. They work in the same profession and, for a long time, they made it work. Until it didn’t.

A few years in, their affair became public. Every person they worked with knew about it. Their superiors got wind of it too and word about what they had been doing on the side started to spread out across the industry.

He was denied a well-earned promotion and had to eventually leave the industry. She stayed but was never looked at the same way again.

Granted, having an affair is not quite as taboo as it was back in the day but, know that, cheating on a spouse is something that could dramatically affect your reputation in your business world. Again, not a good thing!

#3 – It could lead you to leave your job.

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man at work. They lived in different cities but they were constantly on Zoom calls with each other and their customers. They travelled for business and relished those times in their affair bubble.

Until his wife found out. And she went crazy.

She called my client, yelling at her for being a tramp. She threatened to call their bosses and expose what they had been doing. She told her to stay away from her husband, or else!

My client was left in an untenable position. She had to interact with her affair partner every day. They had to travel together or they wouldn’t make the sales they needed. She knew that if his wife reported the affair, she was the one who would get the blame, as women often do (that is a whole other blog topic). And he wasn’t letting her go still calling and telling her he loved her and asking her to meet.

Ultimately, my client had to leave a job that she loved and walk away from a potential raise and bonus that she had worked hard for.

All because she became involved in an affair with a married man at work. You can believe me she regrets it!

#4 – It won’t be easy to walk away.

One of the most important parts of getting over a love affair, whether it involves infidelity or not, is going no contact

It is almost impossible to let go of someone who you are still talking to, especially if the love is still there. I always encourage my clients to block their ex everywhere if they want to get on with their lives.

Unfortunately, if you are trying to get out of an affair that you are having with a married guy at work, you are going to have a really tough time cutting off contact with them.

Like my client above, she knew that the affair was over but he wasn’t willing to accept it. Because he had access to her through work, he was always there in front of her. She tried to act professionally and keep him at arm’s length but he led her down a path that she no longer wanted to go.

She ultimately had to leave her job so that she could get the no contact that she needed and find the love that she wanted.

#5 – It will be harder to keep it secret.

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man. They were both stay-at-home parents and it was easy to find time to be together. The hours that the kids were at school, the play dates they would do together, running into each other at the grocery store. Their lives were somewhat conducive to their affair (which often happens).

Imagine if you are having an affair at work. You are surrounded by co-workers at least 8 hours a day, co-workers who know each other really well and who like to, like all co-workers, gossip.

If you are working side by side with your affair partner, the attraction might be incredibly obvious to others, even if you don’t think it is. And, if even one person gets verification that the affair is happening, before you know it, everyone will know.

You know how hard it is to keep any secrets at work. Why do you think that you could keep this one?

#6 – It could lead to a sexual harassment claim.

Back in the day when women first joined the workplace and affairs became more common, sexual harassment pretty much didn’t exist.

Whether it was a man who seduced his secretary or co-workers who started an affair or even people who were just being sexually inappropriate, sexual relationships between men and women at work were basically ignored.

There was no social taboo life there is today in fact, work place affairs were often considered sexy and exciting and, for many women, just a part of what they had to deal with as part of the workplace.

Things aren’t this way now. Now, whether you are a man or a woman, if you are caught up in a sexual relationship with anyone in your office, you open yourself up to a sexual harassment suit.

Sexual harassment, for those who don’t know, is defined as: behavior characterized by the making of unwelcome and inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances in a workplace or other professional or social situation.

Sexual harassment claims are usually filed by women but it has happened that men will file a claim too, especially if they are having an affair with a superior or if they try to break things off and aren’t allowed to.

So, if there is one reason to avoid having an affair with a married man at work it’s to avoid a very messy, and potentially expensive, sexual harassment suit.

#7 – It could lead to favoritism.

Ideally, if they must occur, workplace affairs would take place only between co-workers. Their status in the company would be equal, must like they would be in the real world.

If they were equals, there would be no challenging power dynamic that might exist between a superior and their employee, one in which there might be an opportunity for a manager to display favoritism, something that could be the kiss of death for anyone’s career.

Unfortunately, more often than not, there is a power dynamic at play in a workplace relationship which can, no matter how careful one is, lead to favoritism.

Think about a real world romance. Isn’t that person your priority? Don’t you choose them first to do fun things with? Don’t you give them the best seat in the house or give them small tokens of your affection? Don’t you do those things without even thinking about them?

Well, unless you are very careful, those tendencies that you have, to be a giver in a relationship, will show up in the workplace. And there is nothing worse for an employee than being conceived of as a superior’s favorite.

If their co-workers believe that the reasons that they are having successes or getting the best opportunities are because the boss wants it to happen not because of their work efforts or ethic, someone’s career can fall apart quickly. So, know that, no matter how hard you try, not playing favorites with a subordinate affair partner will be almost impossible.

#8 – It could create conflict with co-workers.

We often spend more time with our co-workers then we do with our families and they are a big part of our quality of life. They are important to us not only professionally but personally and socially. Having friendships at work makes it a better place. Conversely, having an enemy at work can make things really bad.

As I said above, having an affair at work will almost guarantee that you will create conflict with your co-workers. It might not happen at first but as time goes on, it will.

They will see you being opaque with your activities or making time for one co-worker in particular. They might see you getting more opportunities for advancement and they might see that you aren’t doing your job well. All of those things will affect your co-workers in different ways, none of them positive.

So, look around. Imagine if your co-workers found out what was going on. Would they be happy? I am guessing not.

#9 – It could destroy your life.

If I haven’t already made it clear to you how much having an affair with a married man at work is a terrible idea, let me summarize.

Having an affair with a married man at work could make your work suffer. It could damage your relationship with your co-workers. You could be denied opportunities because of fear of favoritism. You might have to leave a job that you love and that you are good at, just to get away from your affair partner. You could lose your reputation in your industry and might find it difficult to get the recommendations that you need should you move on.

Most importantly, you might lose the financial resources that you need to keep yourself fed and clothed—not something anyone wants.

So there you might be, no job, reputation ruined and a difficult road ahead professionally, all because you couldn’t resist the advances of a man you had no business getting involved with in the first place.

Know this having an affair with a married man, especially one at work, has the potential to make your life very messy.

So there you go why having an affair at work with a married man is a really bad idea.

I know that you think that this guy is  your soulmate but I can promise you that he isn’t. He is a married man who is looking for someone to make him feel better about his pathetic life and who has chosen you for that role. A role that benefits him in every way but that could make your life a living hell.

There are lots of great guys in the world. Shut down this guy at work and go out and find someone who is fully available. You just might get your happily ever after if you do!

Feeling Depressed At Work: Is Your Job Making You Sick?

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Are you finding that you are feeling depressed at work? Are you finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning? Do you dread the idea of interacting with your co-workers? Is concentrating on your work increasingly difficult?

If you answered yes to any of my questions, or if the ideas at least seem familiar, then it could be that feeling depressed at work is a thing and that it could affect your health and your happiness.

How do you figure out if you are feeling depressed at work or it ‘ s something else? If it is about work, what part of work is it about or is it just the whole thing?

There are a few questions that you can ask yourself that will help you figure out what ‘ s going on.

#1 – What ‘ s happening outside of work?

The first thing to ask yourself is what is going on in your life outside of work.

Has something big happened in your life? A relationship break-up? The death of someone you were close to? Some kind of financial shift? Anything else that might cause you to be overly stressed out?

When we get depressed about one thing, our depression can spread to other areas of our life. It ‘ s like a tornado that starts small but captures everything up in its path and becomes increasingly damaging.

So, it is possible that there is something else going on in your life that is making you depressed but the depression shows up most during those long working hours because they might be stressful or boring.

#2 – Are you depressed when you aren ‘ t at work?

A big question to figure out whether you feeling depressed at work is really about the work is to ask yourself if you are feeling depressed outside of work.

Do you wake up on a Saturday morning feeling like you can take on the world? Are your Sunday mornings full of fun and good food and time with friends?

Do these good feelings carry over until Sunday night or Monday morning when you are filled with hopelessness and dread at the idea of going back to work?

If you are feeling depressed at work but feel otherwise fine about your life then it definitely is possible that work is in fact the source of your depression and that is something to take a good hard look at.

#3 – Do you get along with co-workers?

Ok, so you have figured out that your feeling depressed at work is about work and not about the big picture of your life. How do you figure out what it is about work so that you can to fix it?

A big part, for some people, of feeling depressed at work is that they don ‘ t get along with their co-workers, or even one co-worker in particular.

I have a client who loved her job and loved the people she worked with but her boss was not a nice guy. He would torment her regularly and she felt constantly in fear of losing her job. This conflict made her depressed about her job and everything else in her life.

In spite of the insecurity that she felt about her ability to do her job, an insecurity that was created by her boss being so hard on her, my client took the initiative to find a new job. She found a job very similar to the one she has before but with a boss who was kind and supportive. Her depression disappeared.

We spend a lot of time at work every week and a lot of time with our co-workers. If there are issues with some or all of our co-workers then it ‘ s important that we either try to work things out or get a new job.

Think about what you can do to change your relationships with co-workers if necessary. It could really help you manage your depression at work.

#4 – Do you like what you are doing?

Another part of feeling depressed at work is that you might not like what you are doing.

I remember when I was working front desk at a hotel I loved my job when it was busy but I hated it when the times were slow. I had to stand behind the desk, smile at people walking by but in general was bored and got in my head. As a result, I started feeling depressed about my job.

I loved my job, though, and didn ‘ t want to leave it so I set out to figure out what I could do to make my job less depressing during down times. I asked around and learned that I could help the concierge group with managing local information brochures. I would figure out what we needed, copy them and fold them. I know it doesn ‘ t seem like much but it was far better than just sitting there.

Once I found a task to do I was able to be happier at my job.

So, do you like your job? Does the prospect of doing what you are doing now for a the next few weeks or months fill you with dread or joy?

If you don ‘ t love what you are doing, see if you can change it, either by tweaking it where you are working now or finding something new!

#5 – Does the idea of a new job improve your mood?

Ok, pause a minute and think about what it would feel like if you had a new job.

If, when you woke up in the morning, you liked where you were going to spend the next 8 hours. If your co-workers were good and your commute was doable.

How would that feel? Does the thought give you a feeling of elation or a feeling of hopelessness?

If it ‘ s the first, it could be that it ‘ s your job that is making you depressed and a job change could change everything. If it ‘ s the second, I am guessing that you are depressed outside of your job and a job change won ‘ t make a difference.

Feeling depressed at work is something that is really hard to deal with because work takes up so much of our life.

There are some ways to tell if you are depressed because of work or if it ‘ s something else. These questions should help clarify for you.

If, after answering these questions, you see that you are not depressed because of work then it ‘ s important that you see your primary care doctor as soon as possible to see about treatment for your depression. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so do it now!

If the answers to your questions indicate that it is work that is making you depressed, make an effort to change it, either by adjusting your job where you work now or seeking a new one.

Life is too short to spend it being depressed. Make change now so that you can be happy.

Are you wondering if work is making you depressed?
Let me help, NOW, and before your depression overwhelms you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Reasons Career Success Begins With Communication Skills

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Is career success incredibly important to you? Do you want to learn what skills are necessary to have the most success in your chosen field?

Well, let me tell you. The MOST important skill for career success is COMMUNICATION.

It is true!

Career coaches believe that career success begins withcommunication skills, the ability to write and speak in a way that is clear, concise, easily understood and honest.

How will great communication skills allow you to achieve the success you desire?

#1 – Finding a job will be easier.

The first step in achieving career success is finding a job! And having excellent communication skills makes finding a job much easier.

Networking is a big part of looking for a job and if you are the kind of person who can put themselves out there, who can talk to people, listen, share and connect then you will be the kind of person someone would want to hire and the kind of person someone would recommend for a job.

Your resume is a very important piece of the job application process and without an exceptional, well written, well thought out resume you will not come across on paper as a superior candidate. Even someone with a shortage of skill sets can use words to enhance their job experience description, making a potential employer more likely to grant them an interview.

And then there is the interview – the most important part of the job search experience. Once you get in the door this is your chance to shine, to show them who you are. And unless you can look them in the eye, express yourself well, be interesting and funny and smart, then you may as well not even bother.

The ability to connect with people, both in writing and in spoken word, is an essential part of the getting the job you want.

#2 – Your co-workers will trust you.

Once you have that job, it ‘ s essential that you not rest on your laurels. Your work is important but what is a key part of career success is your relationship with your co-workers.

Think about that person who comes into work, goes right to their desk without speaking to anyone, who is disruptive in meetings and crabby about their work? Is that the kind of person who inspires confidence in others? Is that the kind of person you would want to have on your team?

So, make a huge effort to be personable in your office space. Be kind to your co-workers, listen to what they have to say, take interest in their families and ask them questions about their ideas.

Treat your co-workers the way you would want to be treated and earn their trust and respect. It will get you far.

#3 – Your great ideas will get out there.

Ok, let ‘ s say that you have a great idea. A revolutionary idea that could change the way that your company works. One that, if implemented correctly, could mean that your career would skyrocket.

Imagine if this great idea is stuck in your head, waiting to be expressed, but that you just can ‘ t get it down on paper. You try to write a proposal to your boss and you can ‘ t articulate it clearly and he refuses to consider it. Or you approach a co-worker for their support and the way you phrase things confuses them and they refuse to help.

If you have excellent verbal and written skills you will have a great tool in hand to forward your ideas and achieve great career success.

#4 – You will advocate for yourself.

So. let ‘ s say that you have been working your butt off. Your co-workers love and trust you and your ideas are changing the corporate culture. You know that you deserve a raise. But you don ‘ t know how to ask for one.

Or perhaps let ‘ s say you are struggling with a co-worker and you want your manager to help you work through it because you know that if the matter can be resolved it would be better for everybody. But you have no idea how to talk to you manager in such a way that will let her see that you want to make things better.

People who have excellent communication skills know how to speak up for themselves. They know how to resolve conflict, how to let others know what they are worth and how to make sure that they get the recognition that they deserve.

Every well-spoken woman who I know who has walked into her boss ‘ office with a well thought out rationale for why they deserve a raise has gotten one. Because she asked for it!

#5 – You will zoom up the corporate ladder.

People who have excellent communication skills have a huge advantage over people who do not.

In my first management position the time came for us to write our direct reports ‘ yearly reviews. We all labored over them for hours, knowing that our boss would review them before passing them up to HR.

I was nervous because this was my first time round but I needn ‘ t have been. My boss told me that my written skills were incredibly impressive and that, really, he needed to me to change very little. That what I had written was good enough to be sent up to HR as is. And then he asked me if I would work with another manager to help them phrase things more clearly.

By the end of that season, when my boss moved upward, I followed, into his old job. It was, in large part, due to the fact that I could express myself clearly, both in written and spoken word, and everyone noticed.

Finding success in our chosen career is the goal.

For me, every day I have to use my verbal skills to speak with my clients and my written words to follow up with inspirational emails and to write blogs that people will want to read and learn from.

I know many coaches who struggle with both of these things and I know that I am successful, in large part, to having those strengths.

So, if you aren ‘ t sure about your communication skills, find someone who can help you develop them. A life coach is a great place to start. You could also enroll in writing courses at the local community college. Or take part in Toastmasters to learn about public speaking.

Reaching for the stars in your career is admirable. Make sure that you have the tools that you need to get you there and get you there fast.

You can do it!

How To Have Career Success Without A Real Job

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Are you wondering if it ‘ s possible to have career success without a real job?

Do you not want to be tied down to a 9-5 job? Would you like to do things the way that you want to do them so that you can live the life that you want to live?

I can tell you that it IS POSSIBLE.

I don ‘ t have a traditional real job. I work from home, have a flexible schedule, attend no meetings and report to no one except for myself. I don ‘ t make a ton of money but I make enough money for now.

Do I define myself as having ‘ ˜career success ‘ ? Yes I do. And I love it!

So, if you are looking to have career success without a real job it is possible but there are some things you have to consider in order to get it.

#1 – Identify what ‘ ˜career success ‘ means to you.

There is simply no way to achieve career success if you don ‘ t know what career success means to you.

For me, career success is defined by having a solid client base and that my clients reach their dreams. It ‘ s having a flexible schedule. It means by getting my blogs published and syndicated. It ‘ s about making enough money to live the simple life that I live and being able to help my kids.

What does career success mean for you?

Does it mean going into an office every day and begin part of a team and receiving recognition? Does it mean that you make a lot of money? Does it involve helping people? Does it give you a flexible schedule? Does it mean that other people perceive you as successful?

Defining what career success means to you is an essential part of achieving it because you can never do so if you don ‘ t know what success means to you.

If you believe that career success means being part of an office, working as part of a team and getting annual raises and bonuses then you probably will never feel like you have achieved career success if you don’t have areal job.

If, however, you will feel like you have achieved career success by making your own schedule, doing something that you are passionate about and knowing that you might not ever make a ton of money, then YES it is possible that you can have career success without a real job.

#2 – Identify what you are passionate about.

Once you have decided what success looks like to you and you have decided that it is possible for you to feel good about your career success without a real job, then it ‘ s time to decide what it is you want to do with your life.

Ask yourself what you are passionate about. If your career involves something that you are passionate about then success is way more likely. I am passionate about helping people. That has helped me, big time, in making my business what I want it to be.

Perhaps you love dogs and spending time with them makes you really happy. So what kind of work can you do around dogs?

Here in NYC dog walkers are everywhere. The one I know charges $20 per dog per day and walks up to 20 dogs over the course of 10 hours, 4 days a week. That ‘ s $400 per day, much of it under the table. My friend is very happy with his life because he gets to be with dogs, not have to get up at the crack of dawn and he makes enough money to live the way he wants to live.

So what is your passion? If you want to have career success without a real job, focusing on your passion will make it all the more likely to come true.

#3 – Stay connected to how you are feeling about your career choice.

For many of us, career success evolves over time. What was important to us in our youth might change as we get older.

I have a friend who taught skiing after college. He was passionate about skiing and was able to make enough money to live doing what he wanted to do.

And then he got married and had a child. That changed everything for him. Because he could no longer make the money that he needed to support himself and his family, he no longer thought of himself as successful. And he wanted to change that.

So my friend went back to school and then got a real job – a job in an area that he was passionate about but a real job nonetheless.

For him, even though he transitioned to a real job, he could still define himself as successful in his career.

For me, I could never go back to punching a time clock. Working on my own is a part of who I am now and, even if I would LIKE to be making a bit more money, the fact that I have a roster of steady clients and that my last article was picked up by the Huffington Post, allows me to sincerely feel like I have achieved career success. If I need more money in the future I will branch out from the work I do today but I will never again have a real job.

Having career success without a ‘ ˜real job ‘ is possible, especially in this world that we live in.

No more are 9-5 jobs the norm. Opportunities to work from home or work flexible schedules or have a variety of smaller jobs to pay the bills are part of the current fabric of our working lives.

It is essential, however, for you to define what career success is for you. If you don ‘ t know what it is then it will be impossible for you to achieve it.

Also, follow your passions and stay connected to how your career is working for you. Your definition of career success might change over time and you want to notice if it does.

So what does career success mean to you? Ask yourself that question right now! And let me know ‘ ¦

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published inThe Huffington Post,Prevention Magazine,The Good Man Project,among others. I works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live.

Let me help you! Contact me here or email me at [email protected].

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed About Work

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Are you desperate to stop feeling depressed about work?

Do you wake up every day dreading the day ahead?

Is it making you depressed and anxious and starting to make your life a very unhappy place?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions then it ‘ s time to take action. Time to start figuring out how to stop feeling depressed about work.

Let me help!

#1 – Recognize that you do have control over the situation.

There are many things in life that you have absolutely no control over. Your genetics. Your husband ‘ s drinking. Your mother-in-law’s peckishness.

What you do have control over is your own life. And that control involves taking control over your work situation. Taking control of what is making you so depressed and what to do about it.

Knowing that you have control over the situation, that there are things that you can do to bring about change and it ‘ s not totally hopeless, will go a long way towards helping you stop feeling depressed about work.

#2 – Identify what exactly is making you depressed about work.

Okay so what exactly is it that makes you feel depressed about work?

Is it the person whose desk you share in the office? Is it the work hours or the dress code? Is it your boss or the office manager?

Identifying exactly what it is that makes you so depressed at work will help you figure out how to deal with it.

And you are not allowed to say ‘ ˜all of it ‘ because that won ‘ t get you anywhere. All that will do is make you feel overwhelmed and hopeless and you will stay depressed about work for the foreseeable future.

#3 – Make a plan to make change.

Once you have identified what exactly it is about your job that makes you so depressed it ‘ s time to take action.

Is the reason that you are so depressed at work because of the annoying person you are sharing your desk with? If yes, speak up and either try to figure out how to get along with this person or ask your boss to move you.

Is the reason that you are depressed at work because the work hours don ‘ t really work for you? Are you just so not a morning person and do better late afternoon? Would you rather work 4 10 hour days? Would you rather work weekends? If any of these is the case, then speak up! Ask your boss if you can work different hours. And if you can ‘ t, perhaps it ‘ s time to find a job somewhere with more flexibility.

Employers these days make huge efforts to keep their employees happy and productive. If there is something about your job that is making you unhappy speak up! And if your employee won ‘ t be flexible, pack up your toys and seek employment elsewhere.

#4 – Do satisfying work outside of your job.

One reason that we often feel depressed about our job is because we just aren ‘ t satisfied with the work that we do.

Perhaps our job is answering phones or waiting tables and, while they are a means to an end, they don ‘ t make us feel so good about ourselves at the end of the day.

If this is the case, find yourself something to do outside of work that would make you feel good.

What would that be for you? Maybe volunteering somewhere? Or taking a class in something that has always interested you? Perhaps spending more time with an older, or younger, relative, helping them manage their place in the world.

Whatever you choose, if you are stuck in a job that is making you feel depressed and you can ‘ t get out of it right now, make an effort to do things outside of work that make you happy.

Don ‘ t lie around feeling sorry for yourself. Do something!

#5 – Take care of yourself.

One of the things that happens to us when we are feeling depressed about work is that we stop taking care of ourselves.

We tend to eat and drink more, move less and our sleep suffers. Before we know it not only are we depressed about work but also about how we feel physically. The combination of the two can be lethal.

So make a huge effort to take care of yourself if you are feeling depressed about work. Eat well, making sure you are getting lots of fresh fruit and vegies and protein. Drink in moderation. Make sure that your sleep doesn ‘ t suffer. Get outside and breathe some fresh air.

Doing all of these things will keep you physically and mentally strong so that you can deal with all of the things that you need to deal with to handle this job that is bringing you down.

I know that it can be tough to figure out how to stop feeling depressed about work. Many of us feel trapped in our jobs and the prospect of moving on or bringing about change is overwhelming.

But it is possible to have a job about which you don ‘ t feel depressed. You just need to understand what it is about your job that you don ‘ t like and make a plan to bring about change.

In the meantime, don ‘ t neglect your personal life. Your mental and physical fitness are the key to making changes to be happy.

 

The 6 Things You MUST Know About Career Planning For Success

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When you are doing some career planning for success there are some very important things to take into consideration.

While it is tempting to just jump into the first job that comes along, if you want to have a job that will turn into a career, a career that not only makes you happy but is also lucrative and satisfying, then some planning is necessary.

What kind of things? Let me tell you!

#1 – Take it one step at a time ‘ ¦

The most important piece of advice that I give to my career-seeking clients is, when career planning, to start at the beginning.

So many of my clients know that they want to jump to another job but then start thinking that they could never find what they want. And if they do find what they want their resume won ‘ t be ready, and even if they get their resume ready they won ‘ t be qualified, and if they do get the job they are going to hate their work hours, and on and on.

Get it?

So, when you are embarking on a search for a career, start at the beginning. If you find yourself jumping to that place that you are going to hate your new work hours then you are never going to get your career planning started. You will falter before you even take the first step.

So take that first step. Make yourself a resume. A resume is an essential tool for getting your career started. Really, without one, it ‘ s almost impossible. If you can ‘ t do it yourself, seek examples from the internet or hire someone to help you build one that is professional and profiles you at your best.

#2 – ‘ ¦but think long term.

While it essential to start at the beginning of your career planning, it is also very important that you think long term.

Many of us just take the first job that is offered to us and by doing so trap ourselves on a career path that we can never get off.

It is essential, when career planning for success, to try to glimpse ahead to the future-you and visualize what in that future you would like to be doing.

Does the future-you want to be working 24/7, wearing designer clothing and jet setting all over the world? Or does the future you want to be working in your neighborhood, changing lives and making a modest living?

Spend some time thinking about who you want to be in 10, 20, maybe even 30 years. Once you get familiar with that person it will help direct your career planning.

#3 – Know what you are interested in and what your talents are.

Once you have your resume ready and you have some sense of where you want to be in 10 years, it ‘ s time to start taking a good look at identifying what kind of career you are most suited for.

There are two sides to finding what kind of career might suit you.

The first is to identify what really makes you excited in the world. What is the kind of thing that gets you out of bed in the morning? Identifying what really excites you is a good place to start as far as figuring out what kind of career you might want to pursue.

The second is to identify what your skills are. This is an important piece because while you might LOVE to be professional basketball player you might not have the skills to do that. But maybe you do have excellent organizational skills so you could work for a professional team or somewhere in the team ‘ s organization.

If you don ‘ t have a clear idea of what your passion is, or what you are good at, then taking some personal assessments can be a good idea.

These assessments will help you to identify your strengths and weaknesses and clarify things that you might find passion for.

There are plenty of great assessments out there. Google ‘career self assessments’ and find one that works for you!

#4 – You don ‘ t have to check all the boxes.

Once you have a sense of who you are and what you want and where you want to be in 10 years AND you have a great resume then it ‘ s time to start applying for jobs.

Apply for jobs and apply for jobs. Getting as many resumes out there as you can is the best way to get an interview.

And just so you know, when you apply for jobs, you don ‘ t have to check all the boxes – you don ‘ t have be every single thing and have every single qualification that is listed in the job posting.

One big difference between men and women in the career world is that men have no problems applying for jobs for which they aren ‘ t 100% qualified. They know that if they can just get in the door they can convince a prospective employer that they are the guy for the job.

Women don ‘ t do this. Women believe that in order to be qualified for a job they must fit every criteria listed and this just isn ‘ t true. You might not have every skill that is listed but you do have others that might be even better or something the HR person didn’t even know they needed

So shoot for the stars. Apply for jobs that are within reach, and even just a little beyond, even if your skills and experience don ‘ t match up exactly with what they are looking for.

I mean, you don ‘ t want that guy to get YOUR job, right?

#5 – Get the word out there.

There is no better resource for job opportunities then with people who already know you.

In this digital world that we live in, it’s tempting to do all of your career planning and job applying online. Linked In and Facebook are great but there truly is no better way to get the career of your dreams then by using your personal connections.

Once you have decided what career path to take then it’s time to brainstorm about who you know who might be able to help you with inroads to a great company. When you have some names, call them or send them an email and ask if they might have some time to talk.

When you meet, be prepared with questions to ask. How did you get started in the business? Where do you see the business going in the next few years? Do you have any advice for me as far as getting started?

Questions that indicate you are interested and knowledgeable. And hirable.

So brainstorm about who you know and get yourself out there. You will be happy you did!

#6 – Know yourself.

More than anything, the key to career planning for success is knowing yourself.

As you embark on the job search you are going to have influences from all over. Your father is going to be sure that you need to be a lawyer. Your mother is going to want you to not stray too far from home. Your friend is going to tell you that you HAVE to work for Saks and your boyfriend will want you to start that small business with him.

All of those things are FINE but make sure that any decisions you make are right for YOU. Making career decisions based on what other people want is not good career planning for success. In fact, you might be setting yourself up to fail.

Career planning for success is an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

For many of us, our work will be a significant part of our lives for 50 years and we want to make sure that we spend as much of that 50 years as we can doing what we love.

So, before your start your job search, take inventory. What are your passions and what are you good at? What kind of skills can you bring to a job that might not necessarily be in the job description? Are the decisions that you are making your own?

And don ‘ t get ahead of yourself. Start at the beginning with the end goal in mind.

You can do this. Get that resume done and get it out into the world.

Good luck!

5 Tips For Having Both Career Success And Happiness

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When we were young girls we were told that we could have it all – a husband, kids, career success and happiness. And we really believed that to be true.

And, while it can be hard work, it is possible to have it all.

Career success and happiness can go hand in hand. Here is how ‘ ¦

#1 – Don ‘ t settle for a career you don ‘ t love.

Unless your career is something that is just a means to an end and isn ‘ t an important part of your self-worth there is NO WAY that you will find happiness in your life if you aren ‘ t happy in your career.

If your career is important to your self worth then it ‘ s essential that you don ‘ t settle for a career that you don ‘ t love.

Many of us start out in a job, any job, just so we can start to earn money. And many of us get trapped in that job, whether we like it or not, because the money is good or the prospect of going out and getting a new job is too daunting.

If you find yourself in that spot, in a career that you don ‘ t love and that is causing your unhappiness, move heaven and earth to get out of that job and find one that you love.

Today, right now, think about what kind of career you would like to have if you were in charge of the world. Just think about it. And when you know GO FOR IT. (Let me know if I can help!)

#2 – Don ‘ t neglect yourself.

Are you one of those people who works so hard at your career that you have stopped taking care of yourself?

Do you tell yourself that the lack of sleep or the weight gain or the hair loss (from stress) is a small price to pay for career success?

If this is you, I am guessing that your happiness level is pretty low, even if your career is going strong. Because you simply can ‘ t be happy in your life if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself. You might think you are happy. But are you really?

So take the time to take care of yourself and work hard. Get some sleep, eat well, indulge yourself when you can. Taking care of you will ensure you a lot of happiness. I promise.

#3 – Don ‘ t stop learning, both in your life and your career.

Many of us, as we settle into the grown up life of parent, spouse and career person, stop learning. We figured that we paid our dues in high school and college and that is that. No more learning required.

I would argue that learning is essential for growth and happiness and they say it keeps your brain young.

I am not saying that you need to go back to school full time but do make an effort to learn something new every day.

Are you given a project at work that you know nothing about? Dive in! Are you wondering just what is all this hype about apple cider vinegar? Get online and find out. Wondering what you can do to learn some marketing tools so that you can get that promotion? Take a seminar. Hoping for some guidance on love and relationships? Check out the 5 Love Languages.

My point is is that every day there is an opportunity to learn something new. Grab that opportunity. Use your brain. It will get you far.

#4 – Don ‘ t lose touch with friends and family.

Are you the one who is always missing the family event because of work? Are you the one whose friends don ‘ t invite you out for happy hour because they know that you will say no?

If you are this person I am going to plead with you to STOP.

Very old people say that at the end of their life they don ‘ t wish that they had stayed for that one important meeting or that they could have climbed just a little higher on that corporate ladder. At the end of their lives, old people regret the times that they missed with loved ones, precious lost time that they can never get back.

So if you want career success and happiness work hard but not too hard. Your loved ones need you, and you need them for when the going gets rough.

#5 – Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

This is one that I wish I would say over and over and over. I will say it one more time.

Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

One career is incredibly important both for personal and financial reasons. But if you put it before your love then you will be setting yourself up for neither career success or happiness.

I have a client whose husband worked all the time, who was never home for dinner and who always missed dates with her. She tried to get him to let go of work a bit and be with her but his career was too important to him.

So she left him. And what happened next? He was alone, living in a small apartment. He had his kids every other week and that was stressful because he had to manage them and work. He didn ‘ t have someone to come home to and support him. Everything suffered.

In the end, my client ‘ s ex lost a promotion because of the chaos that was his life after his divorce.

On top of that, my client ‘ s ex was lonely and sad and left wondering what he had done with this life.

So look up right now at the one you love and decide to make them a priority going forward.

Career success and happiness can definitely go hand in hand.

The key is making sure that you are doing work that you love, that you take care of yourself and that your priorities are on straight.

I love coaching more than any other career that I have had and it has brought me much personal happiness. But I know that I wouldn ‘ t have that happiness without my health, the man sitting beside me and the kids on their way over for dinner.

So go for it. You can have it all too!

5 Reasons that the Key To Career Success is CONFIDENCE Not Talent Alone

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Your mentor recently told you that the key to career success is confidence not talent alone.

But how can that be? The thousands of dollars in education that you paid to acquire and polish your talent really should count for something.

And it does! But it ‘ s not everything!

Why is confidence so important to career success? There are 5 reasons.

#1 – Without confidence your talent won ‘ t shine.

I have a client who is a filmmaker. A very talented filmmaker. And, while she knows she can make movies, she doesn ‘ t believe that her talent is anything special.

She submitted her movie to a film festival and it was picked up to be screened. But, when she was called on by a reporter to discuss her film, her lack of confidence was on display.

She told the reporter that her film was no better than anyone else ‘ s and that the crew was more talented than she was and how there must have not been many submittals for the festival folks to choose hers.

And how did the reporter report my client? She didn ‘ t. She glossed over her in her article because who wants to highlight someone who isn ‘ t proud of her own work or sure of her part in it?

The reporter talked about other directors instead of my client and, because of this, those director ‘ s movies were better attended at the festival.

Because she couldn ‘ t express confidence in her work, my client ‘ s work wasn ‘ t able to shine.

#2 – Without confidence you won ‘ t speak up for yourself.

I have another client who is a computer programmer and is really, really good at what she does. She has been given nothing but glowing reviews by her boss and her co-workers love her. And, up until now, she has been very happy in her work.

Recently a new employee joined the company and everything changed. This new employee was not a team player and his attitude was affecting her ability to do her work to the best of her ability. My client started really struggling.

Unfortunately, in spite of the glowing reviews and the appreciation of her peers, my client didn ‘ t have enough confidence in herself, and in her work, to approach her co-worker about her difficulties nor did she notify her bosses that she was struggling.

As a result my client ‘ s work continued to decline and she was eventually passed over for a promotion.

She was very good at what she did but without confidence it didn ‘ t matter.

#3 – Without confidence you won ‘ t pursue career opportunities.

I remember when I was young and starting out in my career. I was working in the hotel business, in the catering department of a Four Seasons Hotel in San Francisco.

I was a catering assistant, processing paperwork for the catering directors. I loved my job but also really wanted to move up and be a director.

Part of me believed that I could do it but I most of me didn ‘ t KNOW that I could.

When a job opportunity came up I didn ‘ t apply for the job. I told myself that I wouldn ‘ t know what I was doing and that I would let everyone down and that I was doing just fine where I was, so why change anything.

So I didn ‘ t. And I stayed in that job for 2 years before moving on because I was bored.

I often wonder if I would still be working at the Four Seasons if I had taken a chance on that director job. I might not have been so bored that I was forced to leave.

#4 – Without confidence you will settle for less.

Recently it was announced that Mark Wahlberg was paid $1M for the remake of a movie and his co-star Michelle Williams was paid $1K. That doesn ‘ t seem quite fair does it?

Has this happened to you? Have you learned that a co-worker got a raise and that you did not. Or that other people in your department make more than you for the same work?

A client of mine found out that she was making less than everyone else and she wasn ‘ t happy and was considering leaving her job because of it. I asked her why she didn ‘ t just ask for a raise.

There must be some reason I don ‘ t get paid as much,she said. Maybe I just don ‘ t do as good a job as the others.

My client continued working her job but her motivation and her enthusiasm was gone and eventually she moved on.

#5 – Without confidence you won ‘ t believe in yourself.

There isn ‘ t one aspect of our lives that isn ‘ t impacted by whether or not we believe in ourselves. And if we lack confidence in any of those areas we are going to struggle to succeed.

Think about your relationship? Are you confident in the love that you have for that person? Do they treat you with respect and make you a better person? Do you have confidence in yourself in the relationship, knowing that you are being true to yourself? If you do, you will succeed.

How about when you go out with your friends to climb a mountain. Do you stand at the bottom and think there is no way!Or do you have confidence in yourself that, even if you have to go slow and rest, you will get to the top of that mountain? Which attitude will ensure you succeed, do you think?

Now think about your career and your career search. Do you believe in your talents? Do you believe that any company would be lucky to have you? Do you believe that you can do any job you put your mind to?

If yes, you have exactly what it takes to succeed in business because you have the confidence to believe in yourself. The positive attitude that you can make anything happen!

How great is that?

So how do you build confidence? In life and at work?

All of the people detailed above, myself included, didn’t have the confidence in their talents that they needed to be successful at their jobs. And that is why these people became my clients because their careers were not going in the direction they had hoped.

How did I help my clients gain confidence? I suggested that they take a good hard look at their lack of belief in their talent and prove it to me.

So each client made a list, of what she was capable of and had done compared to her co-workers. Each one realized that, in fact, her talent was outstanding and stronger than the others in her workplace.

She also looked at opportunities for growth that she might have that would allow her to have more confidence in her talents.

Armed with this knowledge, and action, my clients were able to build the confidence necessary to succeed in their career, and in life.

The key to career success is confidence, not talent alone.

Many people in this world are very talented. And that talent can open up doors for them. But in order to keep the door open, and move through it valiantly, self-confidence is necessary.

So take a good hard look at what you are good at. Write it down. Compare it to others. See where you might have room for growth and development. Take action.Work to build your confidence so that you can use your talents for great success.

Once you have taken stock get out there in the world and take it by storm.

You can do it!

5 Ways to Organize Your Life as a Working Mom and Stay Ahead of the Chaos

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Would you like to organize your life as a working mom and stay not only in the game but ahead of the chaos?

It seems daunting but it is possible! And wouldn ‘ t it feel great?

Here are 5 suggestions for making it all happen.

#1 – Use a calendar and make a schedule.

The most important part of an organized life is a calendar and a schedule.

I have a client who, every Sunday night, sits down with her calendar and charts out EVERYTHING that is happening in the week ahead.

What do I mean by everything?

  • Her work schedule
  • Her kids ‘ schedule
  • Any appointments that her family might have
  • Time for herself
  • Time for her and her spouse
  • Time spent on social media
  • Anything else that might need to be accounted for

Once she makes her schedule, she underlines in RED those things that are priorities and cannot be moved.

As the week progresses she looks at her calendar daily to adjust it as necessary but if something must get moved, it gets moved immediately so that it doesn ‘ t fall off her calendar and get forgotten.

She makes her calendar, she keeps it with her, she updates it regularly and makes it the blueprint of her life.

#2 – Stick to your schedule, no matter what happens at work.

The most important part of having a calendar is sticking to it. And I know, as a working mom, that can be very hard to do.

One thing I ask my clients: what is the one thing in your life that everything else revolves around? What is that one non-negotiable thing on your calendar?

Almost without exception, my clients answer WORK. They say that because they are reporting to a boss, and getting paid for it, they will sacrifice other things that might be a part of their week if work demands dictate that they do.

Is this you? Do you choose to work instead of meeting your other obligations?

If so, consider this: can you view some other things in your week, like you time or time with your spouse, as things that are as important as work and that you will not put aside for any reason.

Can you do this in spite of the fact that you aren ‘ t getting paid and reporting to someone else?

This is the key to organizing your life as a working mom and staying ahead of the chaos. To understand that some obligations are as non-negotiable as work and that putting them to the side just can’t happen.

#3 – Plan meals ahead of time.

A HUGE part of staying organized is planning and making meals ahead of time.

I remember, when my kids were young, deciding what to make every night was the hardest part of my day. I always felt that if someone else told me what to cook, making it would be easy. It was the deciding that was hard.

I suggest making a meal plan for the whole week, including lunches, over breakfast on Sunday morning. And from that meal plan make your shopping list so that you have all of the ingredients that you need for the week.

Ideally, you then get your partner to go to the grocery store but that is negotiable!

If you plan your menus ahead of time, and do the shopping as well, you will carve out a big piece of your day, every day, to get other things done.

#4 – Get help.

It is essential for working moms to get help where they need it.

Some moms need help keeping the house clean or cooking dinner or taking the kids to appointments. So if you need it, get it! Find someone to help you clean or cook or drive.

It ‘ s really okay to not do everything yourself.

If a babysitter or a cleaning lady is not in your budget, figure out some other way to get help. Your partner and your kids are the most obvious first choices in the help department. They can all help with the cooking and the cleaning and the chauffeuring. They may complain but they CAN do it!

You can also call on your friends to support you and you can support them as well. When my kids were young, the moms all took turns after school taking the kids to various activities. Each of us committed 1 day a week to being the driver, leaving the other 4 days after school open for work or other things.

Either way, you working moms DON ‘ T have to do everything yourselves. Ask for help. You will be glad you did.

#5 – Build in time for you.

Believe it or not, this is the most important piece of how to organize your life as a working mom.

Everyone needs time for themselves. EVERYONE. Just because you are a working mom it doesn ‘ t mean that you get to sacrifice your mental health for the sake of everyone else.

As a matter of fact, doing so is not good for anyone and will definitely make it difficult to stay ahead of the chaos. Remember the old adage: ‘ A happy mom means a happy family. ‘ It ‘ s more true now than ever.

So make an effort every week to build some ‘ ˜you time ‘ into your schedule. It doesn ‘ t have to be a lot of time. A few minutes in the morning before everyone wakes up. A 20 minute walk outside at lunch time. A few minutes of social media as you wait to pick up the kids from school.

When my kids were little, 3 nights a week were nights when I took a bath. For 45 minutes I was in my bathtub with my People magazine and the door was locked and I had ‘me time’. My husband dealt with whatever had to be dealt with. That time was life changing for me. I was able to take a deep breath and then step back into my life refreshed.

I am guessing that you are eager to organize your life as a working mom. You might feel like you are constantly treading water, just keeping your head up to keep from drowning.

But it doesn ‘ t have to be that way. Get a calendar, make a schedule, stick to it, plan ahead, ask for help and take care of yourself along the way.

The chaos will always be out there ‘ ¦how you manage it will help you stay ahead of it.

Areyou strugglingto organize your life as a working mom?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets to be just too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Reasons Why True Career Success Begins With Knowing Yourself

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You know that woman you want to be? The one who seems to have the career of her dreams? What does she have that you don ‘ t? Probably nothing. Because the key to true career success begins with knowing yourself.

Of course, knowing yourself is the key to success in every area of one ‘ s life. Unless you really know who you are, what you are good at and what you want you can never truly succeed.

This is especially true for achieving career success.

So why does true career success begin with knowing yourself?

#1 – Because you will avoid unfulfilling jobs and choose a career path in which you will thrive.

If you know yourself you will know what kind of career you will matches your strengths and passion.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at. Are you a big thinker or perhaps better at fine details? Are you creative or more analytical?

If you know yourself you will know what your passions are. Are you inspired to help other people? Are you drawn to the arts or to the sciences? What makes you really want to get out of bed in the morning?

If you know yourself you know that if you don ‘ t bring your best, most passionate self to any career you won ‘ t succeed.

#2 – Because you will have confidence that you will get the job done.

If you know yourself you will have the self-confidence necessary to get a job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will know what you are good at and what you are passionate about and you will choose a career path that will align with what you know. As a result, you will have no doubt about your ability to get things done.

Furthermore, a self-confident woman is a force to be reckoned in the workplace because she can hold her own in a man ‘ s world, no easy feat in many cases.

#3 – Because you will achieve work/life balance.

If you know yourself you will more easily achieve a work/life balance, a key to career success.

For many years it was believed that the harder we worked the more successful we became. And, while hard work is very important, so is having a quality life outside of work.

If you know yourself then you will be able to look at your career and your personal life, define what are priorities for you and make them happen.

Is it important to you that you get some exercise every day? Is it important that you be the first one into work in the morning? Is it important that you get home in time for dinner? Is it important that you go out one night a week with your co-workers?

If you know yourself you will more readily be able to define what you need for success in all areas of your life and make a plan to make sure that all of your needs are met.

#4 – Because you will know how much you can handle.

If you know yourself then you will have a clear understanding of just how much work you can handle.

Many women are guilty of biting off more then they can chew because they believe that they are the only one who can get the job done and get it done well.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of how much you can take on without overwhelming yourself. This is important because if you are overwhelmed you won ‘ t get the job done well and you will not be able to achieve good work/life balance.

And if you know how much work you can manage successfully then you will be more likely to achieve career success.

#5 – Because you will know your value in the workplace.

If you know yourself you will have a clear understanding of the value that you bring to your workplace.

If you know yourself you have a hold of your financial needs and therefore can make some good decisions regarding the work that you do.

Many of us take on jobs that do not give us the financial security that we need. As a result, we either take on another job or we live with the knowledge that we are barely making ends meet. Neither one of these things are conducive to getting a job done well.

So be clear with yourself as to what you need to live in the manner to which you are accustomed. And don ‘ t be afraid to speak up to the powers that be about what you are worth.

A woman who knows herself knows her value to her employers and isn’t afraid to say it.

True career success begins with knowing yourself.

Before you begin your job search take some time to inventory yourself. What are you good at? What are your passions?

Armed with this information you will have the self-confidence to go forth in the world and find work at which you will succeed.

Once you have the job of your dreams, if you who know yourself, you will take on no more than you can handle so that you have a work/life balance that will allow you to succeed in all areas of you life.

So get to know yourself TODAY. You will be happy you did!

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