How To Stop Fighting With Your Husband In 2023 (5 Best Ways)

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Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your husband? Has the frequency and intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?

Conflict. We all have it.

We get angry with our mothers, friends, bosses, and kids. It is our husbands, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our husbands can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.

Best Ways To Stop Fighting With Your Husband:

However, there are ways to get through conflict, which is way easier than one would think.

#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.

This is key.

If you talk to your husband angrily, you will say things you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause much pain and are not necessarily accurate.

Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you a chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about precisely what you are upset about, then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.

Also, don ‘ t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Pick a time when you are calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of evil. Calm time can be hard to find, but you can find it when adequately motivated.

#2 – Do not attack.

This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.

Let ‘ s say that your husband is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying, ‘ You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk? ‘ try saying, ‘ It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner, and I miss it when you aren ‘ t there. ‘

Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example, your husband will immediately get on the defensive, and the conversation will end before it begins.

A man and woman playing wii in the kitchen.

In the second example, you are sharing how you FEEL, and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.

What is not the truth is that your husband is a jerk for coming home late.

#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.

This is very hard to do and can feel contrived, but it is crucial to listening and being heard.

It ‘ s called a thoughtful response.

In the case of the example above, with the husband who didn ‘ t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for him to say would be: ‘ I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad. ‘ With that statement, you know your husband has understood what you are trying to say, which might deflate the argument.

The worst thing you can do is yell back at them, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.

#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.

We all make mistakes. More often than not, our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn ‘ t ideal.

A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows he promised her he would pick out. Furious, she said, ‘if you loved me, you would have picked out the windows.’

His mother had called when he was on his way, and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal, but it is why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love him.

Next time you react to something your husband does, take a moment to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won ‘ t need the two hours to decompress after all.

#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.

This can be the hardest thing for people ‘ ¦ to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most essential parts of any relationship.

Why don ‘ t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can ‘ t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?

Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you disagree with your husband, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates on both sides.

With the husband who came home late, he should start with, ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of his wife’s pain.

What shouldn’t be said is, “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad, BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. You caused pain, no matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.

Similarly, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions, you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions, and that life must move forward.

Final Words:

Arguing with your husband can be a common occurrence in any relationship. Still, it can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being when it becomes frequent and disruptive. Understanding the causes of your arguments, using effective communication strategies, preventing arguments before they happen, and dealing with ongoing issues are crucial steps to stopping fighting with your husband and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

Remember that relationships take work, and moving past arguments and building stronger, healthier relationships is possible. Learning to stop fighting with your husband is vital to keeping your marriage healthy.

Conflict and the resulting anger with anyone can be devastating, especially with a partner. Left unchecked, anger can take on a life of its own and destroy everything in its path.

Don ‘ t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.

And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a lovely peaceful, conflict-free evening.

Sounds worth it, no?

Do youwant to know more about how to stop fighting with your husband?
Let me help you NOW before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

How Life Coaching Can Help You – 5 Reasons To Find A Life Coach

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Everywhere you look, you are bombarded with the message that if you do this ONE THING (take a pill, buy a dress, fix your hair, lease a car), your life will change. And we have all tried that ONE THING, and no miraculous change has occurred.

Shocking! And disappointing.

Working with a life coach is different. The life coach’s approach to change differs from anything you have ever tried, and its potential to create significant change in your life is not to be underestimated.

Ready to be all that you want to be? Truly?

How Life Coaching Can Help You (5 Reasons)

Life coaching is the personal development that can help you achieve your goals and improve your overall quality of life. Unlike therapy or counseling, life coaching focuses on the present and future rather than the past.

A life coach helps you identify your strengths and weaknesses, set achievable goals, and develop a plan to achieve them.

#1. A life coach will help you define what you want and who you want to be.

We know we are dissatisfied with our lives, but most of us don ‘ t know what that looks like. A life coach will help you take stock of your life and define where you are and want to be.

Working with me, we will look at 5 critical areas of your life: physical & mental health, life skills, relationship health, personal care, and career satisfaction.

A good look at these areas will help us determine where you are now and where you want to be, information that is indispensable in bringing about change.

#2 – A life coach will help you create a plan.

Once you have a clear idea of where you are and where you want to be, it ‘ s time to make a plan. You can try to do this on your own, but oftentimes, the prospect seems so overwhelming and off-putting that you don ‘ t know where to start. So you don ‘ t.

A life coach can help you cut through the clutter and the chaos and help you create a plan to get you where you want to be, step by step.

#3 – A life coach will hold you accountable.

This is a vital part of life coaching, one of those things that you really CAN’Tfind anywhere else. Seriously. Anywhere else.

We all have friends and loved ones who support us and promise to make sure we do what we say we will do. But they love us, don ‘ t want to nag, and want us to be happy. And all of that is wonderful, but it doesn ‘ t help you reach your dreams.

Every week your life coach will work with you to create action steps, and every week the two of you will come up with a list of ‘ homework, ‘ things to be done to move you forward on your path.

Your coach will ask about your homework the following week, and I promise you will want to report that you did it. And you will want to do it because you will see how remarkable the change is happening.

#4 – A life coach will power you through the obstacles.

Rocks get onto the road that we are traveling. Sometimes they are small ones that we can pick up and toss aside, but sometimes, they are boulders that require more effort to maneuver around.

A life coach has the knowledge and experience to help you break through those rocks. A life coach can teach you the tools to get past any rock that might get in your way, big or small.

And those tools you can use now and carry in your toolbox forever.

#5 – A life coach will give you unconditional support and encouragement.

Think about a football coach. What does he do? He teaches his team how to play their best and cheers from the sidelines as they do so.

A life coach is the same way. A life coach is there to be your biggest cheerleader but, at the same time, teach you how to be your true self.

And a life coach will be there every step of the way to help you when you falter and cheer you on when you succeed.

Isn ‘ t that just the kind of unconditional support we all want?

Final Words:

Life coaching can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development. It can help you achieve your goals, improve communication skills, overcome limiting beliefs, and increase motivation and accountability. When choosing a life coach, finding someone who is qualified, experienced, and who you feel comfortable working with is essential.

So now you can see how life coaching is that ONE THING that can help you bring about significant, wondrous change.

Working with a life coach will help you finally live the life you have always known you could. And you don ‘ t need to change your hair color or ride to do so.

Of course, every time I mention a life coach above, I mean ME, so get in touch with me NOW, and let ‘ s start making your dreams come true!

Saying No without Guilt: 5 Strategies for Asserting Your Boundaries

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So, your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy. You wake up each morning wondering how you will get through the day because you have so much to do.

When you drop the kids at school, another parent approaches you about organizing a bake sale/ wrapping paper drive/capital campaign (pick one). What do you say? ‘ Yes. Sure. Of course. ‘

What have you done? You have added one more thing to your already jam packed life.

Saying NO is a very important part of living the life of your dreams. We all want to be involved in what we want to be involved in, but many of us are involved in things we don ‘ t want to do.

Why? Guilt, usually, but also the inclination to be helpful, carry our share of the load, and set a good example for our kids.

These are all great things. But, to be the best person you can be, to set an excellent example for your kids, you must learn ways to say NO.

5 Ways to Say No: The Art of Setting Boundaries

Saying “no” can be difficult, especially when we don’t want to disappoint or upset others. But the ability to say “no” is crucial for maintaining our mental health and well-being. In this section, I will explore the 5 best ways of saying no and common reasons people struggle.

#1 – Believe in yourself and your reasoning for saying NO.

When you are asked to do something, take a moment, or an hour or a day, to consider why you would add this thing to your pile.

Would it satisfy you? Do you have the time? Do you have the interest? Is it the best use of your already limited time?

Considering something carefully before committing to it will allow you to say NO confidently. You have solid reasoning as to why you shouldn ‘ t do it. If you believe in your reasoning, it will be easier to stand up and say NO.

#2 – Keep your NO explanation respectful, short and sweet.

When preparing to say NO, always begin respectfully delivering the message. Say that you are happy to have been asked and thank them for their confidence in you. This will soften them for the following sentence ‘ ¦in which you say NO.

When saying NO, you mustn ‘ t go on and on about why you can ‘ t do something. You have your reasons and want to stick to them, and rattling on about why you are saying NO will only allow the asker to convince you to say yes.

A man holding up his hand with a stop sign on it.

#3 – Don ‘ t take a no to your NO.

Many askers are professionals. They know how to make another person do what they need them to do. When you have decided not to do something, stick to it. You will feel much better about yourself if you do. This can be a learning experience for you and your kids: how to make a choice and stick to it, even in the face of push back.

#4 – Use email.

I know this seems like a bit of a cop-out, but it ‘ s the reason that email was invented ‘ ¦to deliver difficult news.

State your reasons for say NO clearly and decisively and offer no personal justifications or emotional commentary about this decision or anything else.

Your message will land, and the asker will not be able to argue and move on to ask someone else. And there is ALWAYS someone else to ask ‘ ¦

#5 – Reward yourself.

Positive reinforcement is a really good thing. Of course, by saying NO, you will have the positive reinforcement that you haven ‘ t added one more thing to your plate, but I think that it ‘ s essential that you reward yourself when you have done something good for yourself.

So reward yourself for a job well done, saying NO. It can be little, like a beautiful piece of dark chocolate, or significant, like a massage. Whatever it is that will make your heart sing.

You have done something complicated and should credit yourself for a well-done job.

Saying NO does not come naturally to any of us, but once you learn the value of doing so, you will be well on your way to reaching the life of your dreams. Saying NO will help you not only not get overwhelmed, but it will keep your time open for more important things.

And remember, if your kids see you saying NO in a clear, positive and respectful way, they are more likely to do so themselves. This will set them up for success in the future, because they can set boundaries, something every mom wants for her child.

So really, it ‘ s a two for one win. More time for you and a lesson learned for your kids. Well done, Mom!

Final Words:

In the end I will say that, saying “no” can be difficult, but it’s essential for maintaining our mental health and well-being. We can avoid becoming overwhelmed and resentful by setting boundaries and communicating our limits. There are several strategies for saying.

Contact me NOW for more ways to help your dreams come true! You will be happy you did.

 

7 Things to Teach Your Kids SO They Won’t Drive You Crazy

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I am on the other side of raising my kids. Well, mostly. Does it ever really end? Both of my kids are in college, are polite, kind, exciting and inquisitive, and I couldn ‘ t be prouder of them.

The teenage years were tough, but not as tough as they could have been because of what we taught them when they were young.

Teaching these things works. I watched my friends who didn ‘ t teach them flounder during those difficult years, and many wished they could go back and reinvent the wheel.

You won ‘ t have to do that if you read this list…

7 Things to Teach Your Kids So They Won ‘ t Drive You Crazy

Being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs in the world. Raising kids can be challenging, from sleepless nights to endless tantrums. As much as we love our little ones, there are moments when they can drive us crazy. The good news is that there are things we can teach them now that can prevent this from happening.

Here are seven things you can teach your kids now so they won’t drive you crazy!

#1 – How To listen.

If you will take only one thing away from this blog post, take this. Listen to your kids and teach them how to listen to you.

Kids have a lot to say, much of it ramblings, but a lot of information is coming out, and if you aren ‘ t listening, you will miss it. If you hear what they are saying, you can help, guide and support them with what they need, not what you think they need.

#2 – How To alk.

We adults tend to discount what children say, and we shouldn ‘ t. Let them talk and feel heard; they will come to you when they are teenagers and need to talk.

Talk to your kids in a way that encourages them to listen to you and understand where you are coming from. If they understand and trust you, they are way more likely to respect you when they are older.

#3 – You have set appropriate boundaries and will stick to them.

This is very important. If your kids learn early what their boundaries are and that their parents will enforce them, they are less likely to push back when they are teenagers. Our kids were allowed one hour of screen time before homework. When that hour was up, there was no arguing because they knew that if they argued, there would be no screen time the next day. And we stuck to it. Listening to their parents will be as much second nature as brushing their teeth.

#4 – Good habits.

Again, instilling habits is about creating habits that are second nature. Ensure they eat breakfast, have some time outside daily, and treat the dog with love and respect. When they become self-centered teenagers, the habits that they have learned in their childhood will stay with them.

#5 – Good behavior.

Another important one. We parents need to model good behavior. To this end, we must follow “The Golden Rule”: do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you are impatient with your kids or yell at your husband, your kids will see and mimic your behaviour. The same with how you talk to people in the store, on the phone, or at Christmas. If your kids see you being polite, respectful and friendly, they will be likelier to act them same way.

#6 – The value of free time.

Everyone needs to learn what it is like to have some down time. Make sure they have time every day for themselves and aren ‘ t caught up in the maelstrom of modern life ‘ ¦excelling at sports, academics and social service. Yes, make that a part of their lives, but also let them be kids. They will be adults soon enough and will have a lifetime of maelstrom.

#7 – The importance of reaching for their dreams.

Kids have dreams that need to be encouraged and supported by their parents, even if those dreams seem out of reach or ridiculous to you. So instead of trying to ‘ set them straight ‘ about how life works, encourage their pie in the sky dreaming.

And let them fail to reach those dreams, if that is part of their journey. Children who only know success or that their parents will fix everything will never learn how to fail, bounce back, and grow. They will believe everything will be handled and not reach out to the world with confidence and bravado.

If you teach these things to your kids, those teenage years will be more accessible. And those teenage years are when Moms finally have time to grow. If you aren ‘ t always focused on and fighting with your kids, then you will have time and energy to reach out for your dreams.

And don ‘ t forget- I can help you with that. Get in touch with me NOW, and we can get your started. You will be glad you did!

5 Ways To Achieve Your Goals As A Women

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Remember when you were little and had your dreams for when you were a grown up? I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a ballerina. As we grow up, those dreams evolve. My desire to be an astronaut or a ballerina fell by the wayside when I failed earth science and grew a foot. After college I knew I wanted to write and help people.

I didn ‘ t know how to do that, so I went into the hospitality business, retail sales and became a mom. Suddenly I was 40 and a working mom, and my dreams had disappeared under a load of laundry.

Now, 10 years later, I am living the life of my dreams. I write articles and blogs and coach moms towards reaching their dreams. I have learned a lot along the way and want to share this with you today.

5 Ways Women Must Take To Achieve Your Goals:

Women often have multiple responsibilities, from family and career to personal growth and development. It can be easy to lose sight of our goals amid all these competing demands. However, setting and achieving goals is essential to our well-being and success.

So Here are five ways to achieve your goals as a woman:

#1 – Be clear about what is important to you:

I can ‘ t say this enough. If you don ‘ t know what is essential to you, you can ‘ t prioritise it. Instead your life will consist of day after day doing the things you need to do to get by.

Do this. Mark out 1 hour on your calendar this week, one hour to still down with a cup of tea and write down everything essential to you. Write down the things that you do and things that you don ‘ t. Set it aside and go pick up the kids from school.

A few days later, revisit your list. Did you forget anything? Is there anything on there that maybe shouldn ‘ t be?

Next, circle the top 10 most essential things on your list. Then from that list, circle the top 7 most important things and the top 5 most important things. From your top 5 list, circle the top 3 most important things.

You now have the top 3 things that are most important to you. See, that wasn ‘ t so hard.

#2 – Have a plan in place to make those 3 things a priority:

Make sure that plan is one that you are excited about. Making this plan is most accessible when working with a life coach, but you can do it yourself.

If exercise is priority, build into your calendar a little bit of time three days a week to do so. Just a little bit. Maybe 15 minutes. Then, a few weeks later, build in a little more time. Slowly grow the time you exercise until you do it as much as you want. The key is making time for it and making it a priority.

#3 – Surround yourself with a supportive and loving community:

Your community can comprise family, friends, co-workers, and gym mates who can support you and hold you accountable. This is key to success. We all have good intentions, but it ‘ s hard to stay on the path to reaching our dreams without support and accountability.

#4 – Do NOT doubt yourself:

This is the most self-sabotaging thing that we do. We listen to the voice in our head that tells us that we can ‘ t do something. That we don ‘ t have the time or that we aren ‘ t good enough, or that we don ‘ t deserve something.

This is, may I say, complete bullshit. You are a fantastic person who gives and gives, and you should have the life of your dreams. And if you are happy, everyone around you will be happy!

#5 – Take care of yourself and try to have a little fun:

Yes our lives are crazy, but every mom must take a little time for herself. Take a bath, go for a walk, go shopping with a friend, climb a mountain, learn to surf, take a road trip. Do something every day that feeds your soul. Take a day a month to do something you want to do.

And at least once a year, get away to get to know yourself again.

So there you are ‘ ¦5 Ways To Achieve Your Goals As A Women , Even if There are Million Excuses not to ‘ ¦

Remember, it ‘ s never too late to live the life that you want. You need to take that first step and decide what that life is. The rest you can do, easy.

Just look at all that you do now. Only Superwoman can do what you do every day. Your dreams will be a cinch ‘ ¦ Get in touch with me NOW to get your started. You will be glad you did!

7 Reasons Donald Trump & Every Man Wishes He Held the Woman Card

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By now you have heard, I am sure, that according to Donald Trump the only reason that Hillary Clinton is being taken seriously is because she ‘ has the woman card. ‘ The interweb has, of course, gone nutty over this but what has surprised me is that women are shouting about all of the things that we women DON ‘ T have because we are holding the ‘ woman card, ‘ not all of the things that we DO have.

Here are 7 reasons why I believe that holding the woman card is a good thing, full of benefits that men just wish they had.

#1 – With the woman card we are powerful.

Say what you want but a man will do ANYTHING to win the woman he wants. ANYTHING. A man wanting a woman started the Trojan War, forced a king to abdicate his throne and has brought down more American politicians than I can count.

#2 – With the woman card we are capable of being pregnant and giving birth.

We propagate the species. Enough said.

#3 – With the woman card we can ask for directions and choose a parking space…

…freeing up innumerable hours in a lifetime to pursue other pleasures.

#4 – With the woman card are skilled in the art of faking ‘ it, ‘

…simultaneously making a man feel special and speeding up the process so that we can get some sleep. AND we can have multiple ‘ it ‘ without, um, recharging.

# 5 – With the woman card we can do many things that are deemed difficult or even impossible.

Like peeing standing up. Or giving birth without drugs. Or Thanksgiving dinner for 12.

#6 – With the woman card we can do many things at the same time.

We could even do #2-5 above without breaking a sweat and still have #1 be our reality.

# 7 – With the woman card we live longer.

We live longer. What man doesn ‘ t want that? The ultimate frequent ‘ woman card ‘ user reward ‘ ¦.

So. All you women out there. Remember. We rock. Don’t let anyone try to take your power or make you think less of yourself. Hold your head high, go for what you want and wield that woman card proudly.

How To Spend Quality Time With Your Kids (5 Tips)

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We all wish that there were more hours in the day. More often than not, every mom feels like she just hasn’t done enough with her day when she finally crawls into bed at night. And usually she feels most guilty about the time she didn ‘ t spend with her kids. That guilt leaves moms feeling dissatisfied, self-doubting, and unhappy.

I am here to show you how to change that. Yes, life is busy, and the days seem short, but it is possible to make more time for your kids every day and go to bed feeling good.

#1 – Make spending time with your kids a priority.

Build it into your day. Write it on your list. Make it one of things that you can cross off when completed.

Going to the post office? Bring one of your kids and let them put the mail in the slot. Cooking dinner? Have one of your kids sit at the breakfast bar and help you chop the veggies. Walking the dog? Let one of your kids hold the leash. See how you can do that? And if you give your kids some responsibilities during your activities, you are killing two birds with one stone – time well spent and a life lesson given.

Jackie never included her kids in her errands because she thought they would find them boring, and she couldn ‘ t finish them efficiently. And then, one day, her 9 year old son came into the kitchen as she was making dinner. She asked him if he wanted to cut the mushrooms.

His eyes lit up, and he said YES. She set him up with her biggest, safest knife, and he cut the mushrooms. They weren ‘ t as perfect as she might have made them, and it took a bit longer than usual, but the look on her son’s face as he wielded that knife and the chatting they did as he cut them made it all worth while.

#2 – Recognize the difference between quality and quantity time.

So many moms don ‘ t do what they want to do because they think they don ‘ t have enough time. They don ‘ t exercise because they think they need more time than they have, so they give up the whole thing. It ‘ s the same with spending time with your kids. You don ‘ t need to spend an hour with them and organize some fancy activity. Talk to them in car on the way home from school. Take a few minutes at bed-time to connect whenever you can, ask them about themselves and their experiences. Just make the minutes worthwhile.

#3 – Make a date.

I know this goes against what I wrote above, but you should have regular dates with every important person in your life (including yourself!). Our lives are so chaotic and jam-packed, and it ‘ s important to take the time to connect with the people who are important to you. So, make a date with your child. Go to the movies, get some ice cream, take a drive, indulge in a little fast food. Make a date and make it memorable.

One of my clients made an effort to take her kids camping every year. Just her and her kids. No spouse. They eat jiffy pop and marshmallows, go miniature golfing, and stay up late around the campfire. It is a special and memorable time every year, one that they all look forward to. You can do something like this or smaller, more frequent outings.

#4 – Get involved in their activities.

Kids these days are busy, busy, busy, just like their parents. What better way to share time with them than by partaking in one of their activities. You can volunteer to coach their soccer team, be the classroom mom, or be the designated driver to summer camp. Better yet, you can get involved in an activity with them. You could enroll in a class together ‘ ¦ martial arts, ballets, arts and crafts, anything you want.

A man and child are playing arm wrestling.

A client of mine enrolled in a sewing class with her daughter. They had both always wanted to learn how to sew, and this was the perfect opportunity. They got to spend time together, laugh together when they made mistakes, and ultimately each made a piece of clothing that will always remind them of their time together. Priceless.

#5 – Get off your phone!

I am sure this one bears no explanation but no list about spending time with your kids is complete without it. Timespent on your phone, tablet, or laptop is not spent with your kids- no matter how good at multitasking you think you are. So, when your kids are around, please turn it off. If you do, you will find the time to make the suggestions above. And your kids will love you for it.

We moved to Tokyo when my kids were little, and when we asked them what they liked best about living there, they both said, ‘ mom ‘ s cell phone stayed in Maine. ‘ Telling…

Your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy, but finding ways to make more time with your kids is still important. Doing so will improve your relationship with them and allow you to go to bed at night feeling less guilty. Wouldn ‘ t that feel great?

What do you do to spend time with your kids? All would appreciate creative ideas, I am sure!

5 Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law, Even When It’s Really Hard

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Are you desperately seeking reasons to love your mother-in-law? Does it seem hard some days? Do you want to know if your mother-in-law likes you?

When you get married, more likely than not, you also get a mother-in-law, the woman who raised your partner. And quickly, there can arise conflict between you. She raised your partner and is used to things being done a certain way, and you married him or her and have your own opinions and traditions. This conflict can be really hard on a marriage. It can even destroy it.

Don ‘ t fret!

By understanding more about how your mother-in-law ‘ s brain works, you can improve your relationship with her and alleviate conflict and thereby strengthen your relationship with your partner.

Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law

Here are top 5 best reasons to love your mother-in-law.

#1 – Remember that she has experience that you don ‘ t have.

Our mothers-in-law have been doing what you are just beginning to do for probably more than a few decades. That is a lot of experience, experience that you should appreciate and take advantage of. You are new at all of this and can use all the help you can get, whether you know it or not.

An excellent way to get closer to your mother-in-law is to ask her to share that experience with you. Asking her questions, getting her opinions, sometimes even deferring to her wishes will all help you connect with her. And if she feels like she is playing part of her child’s new life, she will be way easier to get along with.

So mine some of the experience that you have right at hand. You will be glad you did, for many reasons.

#2 – Remember that she did raise your partner.

I know it ‘ s hard to imagine your mother-in-law gave birth to your partner. She fed them and bathed them, and changed their diapers for years. She taught them how to do just about everything that they do.

Your mother-in-law profoundly influenced your partner ‘ s life for 18 years or more. And that shouldn ‘ t be discounted. She even deserves some credit and respect for the fact that she did that.

My mother-in-law always told me that her son could vacuum a toilet like a madman. I told her that I had retrained him after 20 years of marriage: he cleaned nothing anymore. I see now that that was a slap in her face. She worked hard to raise the person that she did and should be recognized, and appreciated for that.

And remember, you did fall in love with the person she raised ‘ ¦.

#3 – Remember that she loves your kids as much, if not more, than you do.

They say that being a grandparent is the most wonderful thing in the world. You get all the joys of being a parent without all the difficulties. So know that, at the very least, one more person is madly in love with your child.

I know that my grandmother was a huge positive influence in my life. She hadn ‘ t been a great mother to my mother, but, for me, she was amazing. And I have learned, from my mother, that having grandchildren is the best thing ever happening to her.

An older couple holding a baby and another elderly woman.

So appreciate that this person loves your children as much as she does. After all, every person who loves your child is a gift.

#4 – Remember that she does want to help.

Mothers in-law don ‘ t set out to drive us crazy. They don ‘ t mean to criticize our parenting or complain about the state of our kitchen. They are there, in the house, to be with their children and grandchildren.

And, more often than not, their intentions are good.

Perhaps how they speak up about our parenting or housekeeping skills is abrasive and stinging, but remember, they are only human and most likely just trying to help. Really.

So next time your mother-in-law is in your house, put her to work. She can hang out with the kids or help you fold the laundry or take your partner out for a break. Mothers are used to being busy, and when she is at your house, a ‘guest,’ she might feel put out and useless.

I am sure there is some help somewhere that you need.

#5 – Remember that you are lucky to have her and that she won ‘ t always be there.

So many mothers start with no support. Their mother and mother-in-law is far away, no longer alive, or absent.

We are lucky to have someone there who can support us when we are new or even more seasoned parents. My mother lived in Virginia, and while she was there right after my daughter was born, she could only stay a week.

Fortunately, my mother-in-law lived close by. And while we didn’t always see eye to eye, she was there some times when I needed her. I am very lucky that I had that.

Also, remember, none of us are getting any younger, so our mothers-in-law might not always be there for us. Appreciate how lucky you are and make the best of it.

To love your mother-in-law is not always easy, but I promise you that doing so will be worth it in the long run.

Learn from her experience, have respect for the years she cared for your spouse, know that she adores your kids, put her to work and appreciate that she exists.

After all, your partner loves her. She is his or her mother. Your loving her shows your partner how much you love them, which makes everybody happy.

How To Make your Husband Feel Loved: 5 Best Ideas

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Being a mom and a partner can be tough.

From the moment that your child is born all your genetic material calls to you to make this child your priority. To make sure it survives in this perilous world.

Unfortunately, it is this exact thing that can create a huge divide between you and your partner. Until your child is born, you put your relationship with your partner first. Suddenly that is no longer the case, and this can cause severe strain between the two of you, which can stretch a marriage to breaking without a little care and keeping.

How To Make Your Husband Feel Loved:s

It is possible to to find ways to make your husband feel loved. Here are some ways to start!

#1 – Make sure you speak their language.

Most of us express our love for our partners the way we want to be loved. If we like hugs, we give them to our partner, hoping they will feel our love for them. Or we might give them gifts, showing them that we are attached to them.

Unfortunately, this tactic can fail because, despite our efforts, if our partner needs something different to feel loved, then our efforts will fall flat.

Fortunately, there is a tool at hand that will help you learn to understand ways to make your husband feel loved.

In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman lists 5 ways someone wants to be loved – physical touch, words of affection, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. If you can understand what your partner needs to feel loved, then you can do those things instead of what you need. And they will feel loved.

I would encourage both of you should go to the 5 Love Languages website,www.5lovelanguages.com, and take the love languages test so that you can learn what your partner needs to feel loved.

I works. Big time. I promise.

#2 – Use your words.

I hear it all the time. I ask a client if they tell their husband that they love them and my client says, ‘ He knows that I love do. ‘

Maybe this is true, and maybe it is not. Regardless, you should look your husband in the eye and tell him daily that you love them.

It means a lot for people to be told that they are loved or that they are beautiful, or that you miss them. They might ‘ know it ‘ already, but words are very meaningful.

A client’s of mine never heard from her spouse when he was away, and it was very painful because she missed him. They argued about it almost every time he left, but she wasn’t clear why she wanted to hear from him, so he didn’t change his behavior. I suggested that she tell him she loved him very much and missed him when he was gone.

She says he has called her every night he is away since she told him how she felt.

So use your words to express your feelings. You will be happy you did.

#3 – Touch him.

Touch is one of the most primeval ways to communicate with another person.

Long before there were words, scientists say, humans beings communicated with gestures and touch. Animals still do. We know the importance of touch with our babies; that touch encourages bonding and trust. Take that same perspective with your husband.

Touch him when he walks in the door, take his hand in the hardware store, wrap yourself around him when you go to sleep at night.

Touching your partner will speak volumes about your love for them.

#4 – Be kind.

I know this seems basic, but it is something that gets lost in the chaos of family life.

I know, from personal experience, that as our family grew, as my life became more stressful, I took it out on my husband. I nit picked and nagged and snapped and even yelled, all for things that were as often as not not his fault. And I saw the hurt in his eyes every time I did it. I would take it all back if I could. My not being kind to him created a chasm that was hard to repair.

A man and woman sitting at a table with a laptop.

I have a client who came to me about problems with her husband. They had a 2 year old, and she felt the distance growing between them every day but she didn ‘ t know why. When I asked if she was kind to him she looked at me with surprise, paused and said, with a sense of wonder, ‘ no. ‘

She intended to be kind that day, and it has brought them back together in a very meaningful way.

#5 – Give them freedom.

You know the saying, ‘ If you love someone, set them free. ‘

Often, amidst the chaos of every day life, we cling to our partners as a life raft, needing them with us always to keep us from drowning in the messiness. However, this clinginess can drive someone away because your partner will resent your need to constantly have them by your side.

You should have some time away from the chaos, regularly, together and sometimes apart. We were all individuals once before we became a couple and then a family, and it ‘ s important to nurture that individual in ourselves, so that we can be a better partner and parent.

I know that looking for ways to make your husband feel love can feel like a lot of effort and something what will add a lot of stress to your life.

But doing so is important.

Stop for a minute and try to imagine what it would feel like to love and feel loved by your partner every day, as you navigate this crazy world. Pretty good.

Are you looking for ways to make your husband feel loved?

Let me help you learn some tools, NOW, before it goes too far!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Raising Resilient Kids: 5 Ways to Help Your Kids Thrive

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When our kids are born, they are little pieces of perfection. We look at them and promise that they are going to have the perfect life, that we will be the perfect parent, that the life challenges we face, they won ‘ t have to.

Wouldn ‘ t it be lovely if it turned out that way?

We all have our challenges. Kids especially. It ‘ s always been hard to be a kid with school, acne, braces, lost best friends, and that dreaded gym class. They don ‘ t want us, but they need us.

5 Waysto Help Your Kids Thrive

#1 – Take the time to sit with them. Just be in their presence. So many of us spend our time running around, multi tasking. Our child is at the table, doing homework, and we are making phone calls, chopping vegetables, paying bills. Take a few minutes and sit next to your child. Share the silence. Kris did that one night. Her daughter was reading a book, and she joined her on the couch with her own book.

After a few minutes her daughter put down her book and told her mom about something that had happened at school that day. Kris shared that the interaction meant a lot to both of them and that she got just a little insight into her daughter ‘ s life.

#2 – Listen to them. We like to think that we listen to our kids when they talk to us, but many of us do other things when they do so. Have you ever heard yourself say ‘ uh huh ‘ when your child pauses for reaction and realizes that you have no idea what they just said. When your child talks to you, stop what you are doing and pay attention. Even if it ‘ s a frivolous story, you might get some nugget of information for future use.

#3 – Don ‘ t be a helicopter parent. Children are going to make mistakes. They NEED to make mistakes. They NEED to learn how to do things on their own. If you are always hovering, picking up the pieces when they fall, they will never learn how to do it independently. J

ulie always tied her daughter ‘ s shoes for her. Always. And then, on her daughter ‘ s first day of school, Julie wasn ‘ t there to tie them for her. Her daughter was crushed and didn ‘ t want to go back to school the next day. Julie taught her daughter how to tie her own shoes that very night, and she happily went off to school the next day.

#4 – Be Positive. Yes, we have all had challenging life experiences, experiences that we don ‘ t want our children to have. But no matter how hard we try, we can ‘ t stop them from happening. When you see your child facing something that you faced and failed at, DON ‘ T let your feelings of failure enter the conversation. Think about what you might have done differently and share it with them. Be positive.

#5 – Take care of their health. It is essential that all of us take care of ourselves, that we get enough sleep and exercise and eat a healthy diet. Many kids don ‘ t get enough of the first two and too much of the last one (often not so healthy). When your kids become teenagers, it is very difficult to influence their lifestyle choices, so working hard in their early years is important to instill good habits.

Make sure they have a comfy bed and that they play outside after school. Limit their screen time. Have healthy food available but don ‘ t make Oreos taboo. Kim ‘ s kids had a steady diet of frozen pizza and French fries they consumed in front of the TV. Her kids were always bears at bed-time, which made the morning routine especially difficult. At my suggestion, she tweaked their diets, and they ate dinner together at the dinner table, and suddenly, bedtime was a dream, and the mornings were better too.

So there you go, 5 ways to help your kids thrive. None of these tips are reinventing the wheel, but they are often overlooked amid the chaos of everyday living. But you can do it. You are doing it already. Pay attention and tweak things here and there; you will see a huge difference.

Do you have any stories about ways you have helped your children thrive? Questions about challenges that regularly arise? I would love to hear from you, and we can find more ways to help your kids ‘ ¦

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