By now you have heard, I am sure, that according to Donald Trump the only reason that Hillary Clinton is being taken seriously is because she “has the woman card.” The interweb has, of course, gone nutty over this but what has surprised me is that women are shouting about all of the things that we women DON’T have because we are holding the “woman card,” not all of the things that we DO have.
Here are 7 reasons why I believe that holding the woman card is a good thing, full of benefits that men just wish they had.
#1 – With the woman card we are powerful.
Say what you want but a man will do ANYTHING to win the woman he wants. ANYTHING. A man wanting a woman started the Trojan War, forced a king to abdicate his throne and has brought down more American politicians than I can count.
#2 – With the woman card we are capable of being pregnant and giving birth.
We propagate the species. Enough said.
#3 – With the woman card we can ask for directions and choose a parking space…
…freeing up innumerable hours in a lifetime to pursue other pleasures.
#4 – With the woman card are skilled in the art of faking “it,”
…simultaneously making a man feel special and speeding up the process so that we can get some sleep. AND we can have multiple “it” without, um, recharging.
# 5 – With the woman card we can do many things that are deemed difficult or even impossible.
Like peeing standing up. Or giving birth without drugs. Or Thanksgiving dinner for 12.
#6 – With the woman card we can do many things at the same time.
We could even do #2-5 above without breaking a sweat and still have #1 be our reality.
# 7 – With the woman card we live longer.
We live longer. What man doesn’t want that? The ultimate frequent “woman card” user reward….
So. All you women out there. Remember. We rock. Don’t let anyone try to take your power or make you think less of yourself. Hold your head high, go for what you want and wield that woman card proudly.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
We all wish that there were more hours in the day. More often than not, every mom feels like she just hasn’t done enough with her day when she finally crawls into bed at night. And usually she feels most guilty about the time she didn’t spend with her kids. That guilt leaves moms feeling dissatisfied, self-doubting, and unhappy.
I am here to show you how to change that. Yes, life is busy, and the days seem short, but it is possible to make more time for your kids every day and go to bed feeling good.
#1 – Make spending time with your kids a priority.
Build it into your day. Write it on your list. Make it one of things that you can cross off when completed.
Going to the post office? Bring one of your kids and let them put the mail in the slot. Cooking dinner? Have one of your kids sit at the breakfast bar and help you chop the veggies. Walking the dog? Let one of your kids hold the leash. See how you can do that? And if you give your kids some responsibilities during your activities, you are killing two birds with one stone – time well spent and a life lesson given.
Jackie never included her kids in her errands because she thought they would find them boring, and she couldn’t finish them efficiently. And then, one day, her 9 year old son came into the kitchen as she was making dinner. She asked him if he wanted to cut the mushrooms.
His eyes lit up, and he said YES. She set him up with her biggest, safest knife, and he cut the mushrooms. They weren’t as perfect as she might have made them, and it took a bit longer than usual, but the look on her son’s face as he wielded that knife and the chatting they did as he cut them made it all worth while.
#2 – Recognize the difference between quality and quantity time.
So many moms don’t do what they want to do because they think they don’t have enough time. They don’t exercise because they think they need more time than they have, so they give up the whole thing. It’s the same with spending time with your kids. You don’t need to spend an hour with them and organize some fancy activity. Talk to them in car on the way home from school. Take a few minutes at bed-time to connect whenever you can, ask them about themselves and their experiences. Just make the minutes worthwhile.
#3 – Make a date.
I know this goes against what I wrote above, but you should have regular dates with every important person in your life (including yourself!). Our lives are so chaotic and jam-packed, and it’s important to take the time to connect with the people who are important to you. So, make a date with your child. Go to the movies, get some ice cream, take a drive, indulge in a little fast food. Make a date and make it memorable.
One of my clients made an effort to take her kids camping every year. Just her and her kids. No spouse. They eat jiffy pop and marshmallows, go miniature golfing, and stay up late around the campfire. It is a special and memorable time every year, one that they all look forward to. You can do something like this or smaller, more frequent outings.
#4 – Get involved in their activities.
Kids these days are busy, busy, busy, just like their parents. What better way to share time with them than by partaking in one of their activities. You can volunteer to coach their soccer team, be the classroom mom, or be the designated driver to summer camp. Better yet, you can get involved in an activity with them. You could enroll in a class together… martial arts, ballets, arts and crafts, anything you want.
A client of mine enrolled in a sewing class with her daughter. They had both always wanted to learn how to sew, and this was the perfect opportunity. They got to spend time together, laugh together when they made mistakes, and ultimately each made a piece of clothing that will always remind them of their time together. Priceless.
#5 – Get off your phone!
I am sure this one bears no explanation but no list about spending time with your kids is complete without it. Time spent on your phone, tablet, or laptop is not spent with your kids- no matter how good at multitasking you think you are. So, when your kids are around, please turn it off. If you do, you will find the time to make the suggestions above. And your kids will love you for it.
We moved to Tokyo when my kids were little, and when we asked them what they liked best about living there, they both said, “mom’s cell phone stayed in Maine.” Telling…
Your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy, but finding ways to make more time with your kids is still important. Doing so will improve your relationship with them and allow you to go to bed at night feeling less guilty. Wouldn’t that feel great?
What do you do to spend time with your kids? All would appreciate creative ideas, I am sure!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
Are you desperately seeking reasons to love your mother-in-law? Does it seem hard some days? Do you want to know if your mother-in-law likes you?
When you get married, more likely than not, you also get a mother-in-law, the woman who raised your partner. And quickly, there can arise conflict between you. She raised your partner and is used to things being done a certain way, and you married him or her and have your own opinions and traditions. This conflict can be really hard on a marriage. It can even destroy it.
Don’t fret!
By understanding more about how your mother-in-law’s brain works, you can improve your relationship with her and alleviate conflict and thereby strengthen your relationship with your partner.
Reasons to Love Your Mother-in-Law
Here are top 5 best reasons to love your mother-in-law.
#1 – Remember that she has experience that you don’t have.
Our mothers-in-law have been doing what you are just beginning to do for probably more than a few decades. That is a lot of experience, experience that you should appreciate and take advantage of. You are new at all of this and can use all the help you can get, whether you know it or not.
An excellent way to get closer to your mother-in-law is to ask her to share that experience with you. Asking her questions, getting her opinions, sometimes even deferring to her wishes will all help you connect with her. And if she feels like she is playing part of her child’s new life, she will be way easier to get along with.
So mine some of the experience that you have right at hand. You will be glad you did, for many reasons.
#2 – Remember that she did raise your partner.
I know it’s hard to imagine your mother-in-law gave birth to your partner. She fed them and bathed them, and changed their diapers for years. She taught them how to do just about everything that they do.
Your mother-in-law profoundly influenced your partner’s life for 18 years or more. And that shouldn’t be discounted. She even deserves some credit and respect for the fact that she did that.
My mother-in-law always told me that her son could vacuum a toilet like a madman. I told her that I had retrained him after 20 years of marriage: he cleaned nothing anymore. I see now that that was a slap in her face. She worked hard to raise the person that she did and should be recognized, and appreciated for that.
And remember, you did fall in love with the person she raised….
#3 – Remember that she loves your kids as much, if not more, than you do.
They say that being a grandparent is the most wonderful thing in the world. You get all the joys of being a parent without all the difficulties. So know that, at the very least, one more person is madly in love with your child.
I know that my grandmother was a huge positive influence in my life. She hadn’t been a great mother to my mother, but, for me, she was amazing. And I have learned, from my mother, that having grandchildren is the best thing ever happening to her.
So appreciate that this person loves your children as much as she does. After all, every person who loves your child is a gift.
#4 – Remember that she does want to help.
Mothers in-law don’t set out to drive us crazy. They don’t mean to criticize our parenting or complain about the state of our kitchen. They are there, in the house, to be with their children and grandchildren.
And, more often than not, their intentions are good.
Perhaps how they speak up about our parenting or housekeeping skills is abrasive and stinging, but remember, they are only human and most likely just trying to help. Really.
So next time your mother-in-law is in your house, put her to work. She can hang out with the kids or help you fold the laundry or take your partner out for a break. Mothers are used to being busy, and when she is at your house, a ‘guest,’ she might feel put out and useless.
I am sure there is some help somewhere that you need.
#5 – Remember that you are lucky to have her and that she won’t always be there.
So many mothers start with no support. Their mother and mother-in-law is far away, no longer alive, or absent.
We are lucky to have someone there who can support us when we are new or even more seasoned parents. My mother lived in Virginia, and while she was there right after my daughter was born, she could only stay a week.
Fortunately, my mother-in-law lived close by. And while we didn’t always see eye to eye, she was there some times when I needed her. I am very lucky that I had that.
Also, remember, none of us are getting any younger, so our mothers-in-law might not always be there for us. Appreciate how lucky you are and make the best of it.
To love your mother-in-law is not always easy, but I promise you that doing so will be worth it in the long run.
Learn from her experience, have respect for the years she cared for your spouse, know that she adores your kids, put her to work and appreciate that she exists.
After all, your partner loves her. She is his or her mother. Your loving her shows your partner how much you love them, which makes everybody happy.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
From the moment that your child is born all your genetic material calls to you to make this child your priority. To make sure it survives in this perilous world.
Unfortunately, it is this exact thing that can create a huge divide between you and your partner. Until your child is born, you put your relationship with your partner first. Suddenly that is no longer the case, and this can cause severe strain between the two of you, which can stretch a marriage to breaking without a little care and keeping.
How To Make Your Husband Feel Loved:s
It is possible to to find ways to make your husband feel loved. Here are some ways to start!
#1 – Make sure you speak their language.
Most of us express our love for our partners the way we want to be loved. If we like hugs, we give them to our partner, hoping they will feel our love for them. Or we might give them gifts, showing them that we are attached to them.
Unfortunately, this tactic can fail because, despite our efforts, if our partner needs something different to feel loved, then our efforts will fall flat.
Fortunately, there is a tool at hand that will help you learn to understand ways to make your husband feel loved.
In his book, The 5 Love Languages, Gary Chapman lists 5 ways someone wants to be loved – physical touch, words of affection, quality time, acts of service and receiving gifts. If you can understand what your partner needs to feel loved, then you can do those things instead of what you need. And they will feel loved.
I would encourage both of you should go to the 5 Love Languages website, www.5lovelanguages.com, and take the love languages test so that you can learn what your partner needs to feel loved.
I works. Big time. I promise.
#2 – Use your words.
I hear it all the time. I ask a client if they tell their husband that they love them and my client says, “He knows that I love do.”
Maybe this is true, and maybe it is not. Regardless, you should look your husband in the eye and tell him daily that you love them.
It means a lot for people to be told that they are loved or that they are beautiful, or that you miss them. They might “know it” already, but words are very meaningful.
A client’s of mine never heard from her spouse when he was away, and it was very painful because she missed him. They argued about it almost every time he left, but she wasn’t clear why she wanted to hear from him, so he didn’t change his behavior. I suggested that she tell him she loved him very much and missed him when he was gone.
She says he has called her every night he is away since she told him how she felt.
So use your words to express your feelings. You will be happy you did.
#3 – Touch him.
Touch is one of the most primeval ways to communicate with another person.
Long before there were words, scientists say, humans beings communicated with gestures and touch. Animals still do. We know the importance of touch with our babies; that touch encourages bonding and trust. Take that same perspective with your husband.
Touch him when he walks in the door, take his hand in the hardware store, wrap yourself around him when you go to sleep at night.
Touching your partner will speak volumes about your love for them.
#4 – Be kind.
I know this seems basic, but it is something that gets lost in the chaos of family life.
I know, from personal experience, that as our family grew, as my life became more stressful, I took it out on my husband. I nit picked and nagged and snapped and even yelled, all for things that were as often as not not his fault. And I saw the hurt in his eyes every time I did it. I would take it all back if I could. My not being kind to him created a chasm that was hard to repair.
I have a client who came to me about problems with her husband. They had a 2 year old, and she felt the distance growing between them every day but she didn’t know why. When I asked if she was kind to him she looked at me with surprise, paused and said, with a sense of wonder, “no.”
She intended to be kind that day, and it has brought them back together in a very meaningful way.
#5 – Give them freedom.
You know the saying, “If you love someone, set them free.”
Often, amidst the chaos of every day life, we cling to our partners as a life raft, needing them with us always to keep us from drowning in the messiness. However, this clinginess can drive someone away because your partner will resent your need to constantly have them by your side.
You should have some time away from the chaos, regularly, together and sometimes apart. We were all individuals once before we became a couple and then a family, and it’s important to nurture that individual in ourselves, so that we can be a better partner and parent.
I know that looking for ways to make your husband feel love can feel like a lot of effort and something what will add a lot of stress to your life.
But doing so is important.
Stop for a minute and try to imagine what it would feel like to love and feel loved by your partner every day, as you navigate this crazy world. Pretty good.
Are you looking for ways to make your husband feel loved?
Let me help you learn some tools, NOW, before it goes too far!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
When our kids are born, they are little pieces of perfection. We look at them and promise that they are going to have the perfect life, that we will be the perfect parent, that the life challenges we face, they won’t have to.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if it turned out that way?
We all have our challenges. Kids especially. It’s always been hard to be a kid with school, acne, braces, lost best friends, and that dreaded gym class. They don’t want us, but they need us.
5 Ways to Help Your Kids Thrive
#1 – Take the time to sit with them. Just be in their presence. So many of us spend our time running around, multi tasking. Our child is at the table, doing homework, and we are making phone calls, chopping vegetables, paying bills. Take a few minutes and sit next to your child. Share the silence. Kris did that one night. Her daughter was reading a book, and she joined her on the couch with her own book.
After a few minutes her daughter put down her book and told her mom about something that had happened at school that day. Kris shared that the interaction meant a lot to both of them and that she got just a little insight into her daughter’s life.
#2 –Listen to them. We like to think that we listen to our kids when they talk to us, but many of us do other things when they do so. Have you ever heard yourself say “uh huh” when your child pauses for reaction and realizes that you have no idea what they just said. When your child talks to you, stop what you are doing and pay attention. Even if it’s a frivolous story, you might get some nugget of information for future use.
#3 –Don’t be a helicopter parent. Children are going to make mistakes. They NEED to make mistakes. They NEED to learn how to do things on their own. If you are always hovering, picking up the pieces when they fall, they will never learn how to do it independently. J
ulie always tied her daughter’s shoes for her. Always. And then, on her daughter’s first day of school, Julie wasn’t there to tie them for her. Her daughter was crushed and didn’t want to go back to school the next day. Julie taught her daughter how to tie her own shoes that very night, and she happily went off to school the next day.
#4 – Be Positive. Yes, we have all had challenging life experiences, experiences that we don’t want our children to have. But no matter how hard we try, we can’t stop them from happening. When you see your child facing something that you faced and failed at, DON’T let your feelings of failure enter the conversation. Think about what you might have done differently and share it with them. Be positive.
#5 – Take care of their health. It is essential that all of us take care of ourselves, that we get enough sleep and exercise and eat a healthy diet. Many kids don’t get enough of the first two and too much of the last one (often not so healthy). When your kids become teenagers, it is very difficult to influence their lifestyle choices, so working hard in their early years is important to instill good habits.
Make sure they have a comfy bed and that they play outside after school. Limit their screen time. Have healthy food available but don’t make Oreos taboo. Kim’s kids had a steady diet of frozen pizza and French fries they consumed in front of the TV. Her kids were always bears at bed-time, which made the morning routine especially difficult. At my suggestion, she tweaked their diets, and they ate dinner together at the dinner table, and suddenly, bedtime was a dream, and the mornings were better too.
So there you go, 5 ways to help your kids thrive. None of these tips are reinventing the wheel, but they are often overlooked amid the chaos of everyday living. But you can do it. You are doing it already. Pay attention and tweak things here and there; you will see a huge difference.
Do you have any stories about ways you have helped your children thrive? Questions about challenges that regularly arise? I would love to hear from you, and we can find more ways to help your kids…
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
One of the most important pieces of true happiness is intimate connection, good friendships. The care and keeping of a friendship is not always the easiest thing to do, especially with the chaotic life that comes with being a mom, but with a little consciousness and action it can be made easier.
Below you will find a list of the 5 things best friends do together. Do them, and you will be a good friend and a happier person.
5 Best Things You Can Do For a Friend
#1 – Support each other and be honest
Friends are great for confiding in. Nothing is better than sitting down with a friend and debriefing her about the terrible row you had with your partner the night before over a hot cup of tea. A good friend will listen and commiserate. A good friend will also be honest with you, giving her perspective without judging or berating. And a good friend will take note of what her friend says.
#2 – Make each other laugh
This chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting world that we live in can be a poisonous one. The best antidote is laughter. Smiling will improve your mood, and if the smile is followed by laughter, the effect is exponentially greater.
#3 – Share experiences
Women’s experiences are markedly similar. It’s almost eerie how alike women’s lives are worldwide. Being around people with shared experience has twofold benefits. First, it makes you fell less alone because you know other people have experienced what you have experienced. Secondly, you can learn from another’s experience by hearing it’s process and outcome.
#4 – Eat ice cream
Many women feel guilty indulging in any sweet. And standing alone at your kitchen counter shoveling Oreos into your mouth is not a good idea. But sharing something sweet with a friend, one bowl, two spoons, can be a truly bonding and uplifting experience.
#5 – Take walks
Exercise is one of the most important things to do to feel healthy and happy. And walking with a friend is a great, painless way to get exercise. As an added benefit, when you go for a walk, you can apply the first 3 principles above, and then after the walk you can do the 4th without guilt!
So there you go, the 5 best things you can do for a friend. They aren’t difficult at all; they take a little bit of time and attention. And the benefits are twofold: you both will be happier because of your efforts. And your happiness will pay itself to your children, partner and co-workers.
What do you do with your friends that make you happy?
If you’re feeling like your friendships are suffering, or you’d like to refocus your energy to create healthier, more joyful relationships, let’s talk. Sign up for your free session with me today.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
Do you sometimes feel like you talk and you talk, and nobody hears what you are saying? Do you find yourself saying the same things repeatedly, just trying to be understood? It doesn’t have to be this way.
Being heard, and listening, are keys to a happy life.
Best Ways To Be Heard:
In this article I will tell you the 5 ways to be heard. They are simple, effective and easy to implement.
#1 – Use as few words as possible.
You know the kind of person. Someone who goes on and on, trying to make a point, and somewhere along the way you lose interest. The experts say the most effective way of being heard is to use 15 words or less. Your word count doesn’t have to be precise but using as few words as possible to communicate your thoughts is the best way to go.
#2 – Do not attack.
Our inclination when we feel we have been wronged is to go on the offensive. When someone doesn’t return your phone call, you say, “Why didn’t you return my call? That was very rude.” This tone immediately puts someone on the defensive and won’t lead anywhere good. Try instead “I was very disappointed when you didn’t return my phone call. I was hoping to talk to you about….” This tact lets someone know how you are feeling. And they can’t get defensive about how you are feeling. And it makes them realize that their actions affect others.
#3 – Be thoughtful with your timing.
The best time to be heard is not in the middle of a stressful situation or an all out argument. The best time to be heard is when you are relaxed and calm. One of my clients has a mother who always calls while she is busy making dinner. She could have loudly exclaimed during one of her phone calls, “Mom, why do you always call at dinner? It’s a crazy time of day!” Instead she called her mother one morning after she got the kids off to school and said the same thing calmly. Her mother heard her and started calling mid-morning instead.
#4 – Make sure you listen.
Sure, if you follow the approach above, it’s easy to say what you want. It’s very important, however, to listen carefully to how you are being answered. To finish the circle, to be heard, you need to understand where the other person is coming from. If you both truly listen, your conversation will be an effective one.
#5 – Eye Contact.
This is one of the most important parts of truly being heard. By making eye contact with someone, you demonstrate that you believe in what you are saying and are confident. It also signals to the other person that what you say is important and that you want them to truly hear you.
Being heard is so essential to being happy.
Try these techniques out on a friend with a topic that isn’t very difficult. Practice it with your children. You will see how effective it is the more you use it.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
