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9 Proven Coping Mechanisms To Work Through Reactive Depression

April 24, 2019/3 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann


Have you been poking around the internet because you have been feeling SO SAD and are you wondering if you have reactive depression?

Reactive depression is a relative newcomer in the spectrum of mood disorder. Reactive depression is a type of depression brought on from a specific situation that has occurred in your life.

Unlike most other depressions, which can last for years if not properly managed, reactive depression is a type of clinical depression that typically lasts a few months. While it ‘ s time is limited, it can be very traumatizing or severe during this time. In addition, reactive depression is different from other depressions because it is solely caused by a specific stressful event, whereas other depressions can have multiple causes.

Coping mechanisms to work through reactive depression are similar to those we use with other depressions but are unique in their own way.

#1 – Identify what is causing your reactive depression.

As I stated above, reactive depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about reactive depression include:

  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • End of a relationship
  • Loss of a job
  • Trauma

Take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Has your parent or your pet died? Have you experienced trauma recently? Has someone broken your heart?

Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad and you have recently experienced a big change in your life, you might be dealing with reactive depression.

#2 – Know the symptoms of reactive depression.

Most people with reactive depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of reactive depression vary from person to person and often include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with reactive depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Reactive depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#3 – Know what is NOT reactive depression.

An important way to identify, and therefore treat, reactive depression is by understanding what it is NOT.

If you have a family history of depression, or you have previously struggled with depression, then you might not be struggling with reactive depression. Talk to your doctor about the differences. All depressions need to be treated but the treatment can vary so understanding the distinctions is important!

#4 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are struggling with reactive depression, our inclination is tocollapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

What kind of things might work? That depends on who you are in the world but here are a few ideas.

  • Take a walk.
  • Spend time with friends.
  • Take a bath.
  • Do some yoga.
  • Binge on some fun TV.
  • Have sex
  • Go to the movies.
  • Take a road trip

So, what makes you happy? I know it seems hard now but ask yourself what you usually enjoy doing. Or ask a friend. Doing something that makes you happy will raise your endorphins and help you manage your reactive depression.

#5 – Take care of yourself.

An excellent coping mechanism for working through reactive depression is taking care of yourself.

After my mom died I fell apart. Getting off the couch was next to impossible. Wine was my closest companion with ice cream a close second.

Fortunately for me, a friend saw what I was doing to myself and get me back on track. I started going to yoga, getting more sleep, eating better and drinking lots of water.

I started spending more time outdoors in the sunshine because the warmth of the sun felt good on my body and the Vitamin D provided by the sun is a natural anti-depressant.

I know that if I hadn ‘ t started taking care of myself, if I hadn ‘ t made my body stronger, my reactive depression would have gotten worse!

#6 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when we are overwhelmed by reactive depression, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all of our bad feelings.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

So how do you keep your mind busy when you are going through this difficult time?Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings caused by the reactive depression?

Figure it out and do it!

#7 – Share your sadness.

Sharing your sadness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share what has happened to you, you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your reactive depression then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let the pain that is inside your head and your heart out into the world.

#8 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about trauma in your life can be very therapeutic, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your pain out of your head and heart and onto paper.

And when you can see your pain and your feelings on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it can sometimes be much easier to manage.

#9 – See a doctor.

For many people, the thought of seeing a doctor to deal with our moods is embarrassing. We think we should be stronger and just pull up our boot straps and deal with this on our own.

Unfortunately, there are some things that just can ‘ t be managed on their own, something that all of the coping mechanisms in the world can ‘ t ease. Reactive depression can be one of them.

If your depression is seriously impacting your life, and you have tried the things above and they haven ‘ t helped, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your primary care doctor can help diagnose your depression and get you the help you need to manage and work through it.

Reactive depression is a horrible, horrible thing.

Not only has something terrible happened in your life but now you have to deal with overwhelming sadness because of it.

Perhaps you ‘ re reading this article because you are feeling like you might be at the end of your rope. Perhaps you ‘ re feeling that, because the life that you once led is over, there ‘ s no reason for you to go on. Your future looks hopeless and you will never be happy again.

I can promise you this is not true. I know you might not believe it right now because from where you sit things look pretty shitty but I can promise you thatthe view from the other side is a rosy one.

Do the things that I recommended above. If one thing doesn ‘ t work try another. If nothing eases your pain, call your doctor. Don ‘ t give up!

You can do it!

Are you strugglingwithreactive depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before you waste too much time struggling!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

 

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

My Life Is Great: Why Am I So Depressed?

March 31, 2019/by Mitzi Bockmann


Have you been asking yourself Why am I so depressed because, really, my life is great?

Do you feel like you have everything that you want in your life but still you feel like you are carrying a hundred pound weight on your back, that you have no interest in anything and that all you want to do is sleep?

I am not a doctor but I can tell you that I used to feel that way all the time. I lived with this overwhelming sense of hopelessness and dread. I tried to be agood parent but keeping my energy up was close to impossible. I tried to begreat wife but my irritability prevented that from happening. I had a great job but myperformance suffered.

This went on for years. YEARS. I thought that I was managing it, and I was. Until I wasn ‘ t.

One day, when I was 42 years old, I found myself in a closet banging my head against the wall. I had no idea what was going on.

A friend of mine scooped me up off the floor and took me to see a psychiatrist. He diagnosed me with chemical depression. He sent me off with some medication and instructions to follow up with a therapist.

That day changed my life.

I learned that chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease. The way I was feeling was not because of some personal weakness but because my brain chemistry was letting me down. And that, treated, I was going to start enjoying my great life!

If you arefeeling depressed but nothing is wrong in your life then you too could bechemically depressed. This means that you have a chemical imbalance that causes depressive symptoms without something actually being wrong.

So, what do you do if you are feeling depressed but nothing is wrong? I have some suggestions.

#1 – Ask yourself a few questions.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are chemical depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Are you more irritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard time focusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you are most likely suffering from chemical depression.

Now, ask yourself if this has happened to you before? How regularly? Does anyone else in your family struggle with depression? Were there any traumatic experiences in your life that might have affected your deeply?

If you answer YES to any of those questions you most likely suffer from chemical depression.

What to do next?

#2 – Don ‘ t be embarrassed.

Many people who are diagnosed with chemical depression are embarrassed. Embarrassed that they can ‘ t just ‘ suck it up. ‘ That they might have some kind of personal deficiency that makes them weak in the face of this perceived disease.

Let me tell you! You are not weak. You are not lacking something that others have that make it so that you can’t ‘ ˜suck it up. ‘ You are actually incredibly brave for facing this issue head on.

Again, chemical depression is a disease caused by a chemical imbalance. The same as heart disease, the same as thyroid disease.

Chemical depression is perceived by many in society to be a personal weakness. I mean how can you be depressed if nothing is wrong? Luckily more and more people are speaking up about living with mental illness. More and more people, including many famous people, are being honest about living well with their condition and helping to eliminate the stigma about mental illness.

So, join the celebrities. Don ‘ t be embarrassed. Chemical depression is not something that you could have prevented. But it is something that you can deal with.

#3 – See your primary care doctor immediately.

If you are feeling depressed but your life is great it is important that you reach out to your primary care doctor as soon as possible to tell her about your symptoms. Seeking medical help is key to dealing with depression.

Many primary care physicians are knowledgeable about the treatment of depression and can help you with treatment right away. Some primary care doctors might refer you to a psychiatrist who can help you diagnose and manage your depression.

Either way, see you doctor right away.

#4 – Stick to whatever regimen the doctor prescribes.

This is a key part of dealing with chemical depression.

What often happens is that a doctor prescribes a medication to help someone manage their depression and then once they are feeling better they stop taking it. And what happens next? The depression comes back.

So, stick to your treatment. Continue to take your meds. Just like you would if your doctor had prescribed meds to help you with a thyroid issue. Or diabetes.

#5 – Surround yourself with people who love you.

Many people who suffer from chemical depression tend to isolate themselves from friends and family. Making the effort to spend time with people and to pretend to enjoy themselves is just too much. So, they don ‘ t.

Make an effort to get yourself out there and spend time with people who love you. Spending time with people who make you laugh, who keep you out of your head and make you feel good about yourself is very important to managing your clinical depression.

 

If you are asking yourself why am I depressed even if your life is great then you may be struggling with clinical depression.

The best way to deal with it is to get yourself to see your doctor right away and then stick with the medical treatment they prescribe. Also make sure to take care of yourself and surround yourself with people who love you.

You, like millions of other women, can have a full and happy life living withchemical depression. All you need to do is to pick up the phone and call your doctor.

Do it TODAY!

Are you strugglingwithdepression even though your life is great?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

How To Stop Feeling Depressed At Night: 7 Tips That Really Work

March 13, 2019/by Mitzi Bockmann


Are you struggling with depression and wondering how to stop feeling depressed at night?

Depression is horrible and, for some reason, it seems to get worse at night. There is something about the sun going down and the silence settling in that makes our depression seem more profound. How exciting is it that daylight savings time is here and the nights are getting shorter!

I have lived with depression for years and have some tips to share with you today that will definitely help you manage your nighttime depression.

For me, there are two separate times of the night that need to be managed: the evening hours before bed and then the time during the night when I wake up. I have tips for both times of the night because they are a little bit different to deal with, I believe.

What to do in the evening, before bed:

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep your mind busy during the evening hours.

The thing about nighttime is that we often don ‘ t have enough to do so our brains, instead of being productive, go down the path towards all the things that are wrong in our life which then leads to, and deepens, our depression. It ‘ s important to stop your thoughts from going down that path before they even start.

Things like reading, watching your favorite show on Netflix and talking or texting with a friend are all things that will keep your mind busy during the night and away from all of the negative self-talk.

I would definite encourage you to stay off social media if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes social media makes you feel more connected to the world, but, more often than not, social media can make you feel isolated and less than. So, text away with a friend but spending hours on Snap Chat or Instagram will not serve you well.

#2 – Do things that comfort you.

An important part of managing how to stop feeling depressed at night is to do things that comfort you.

For me, a cup of tea and a hot bath go a long way towards making me feel loved and comforted. I also have a weighted blanket that I curl up under when I watch TV. Something about the weight on your body has been clinically proven to make a big difference with people who are struggling with depression and anxiety.

What are things that would comfort you at night? Take stock of those things now, by the light of day, so you can have them at the ready.

Ice cream and sugar are things many people turn to but I would encourage you to stay away from those things at night because they could interfere with your sleep. If you must have sugar, the earlier in the evening the better.

#3 – Journal.

If you find that you have not been able to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, a good thing to do if you ‘ re feeling depressed at night is to journal.

There ‘ s something about getting those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper that makes them easier to manage. Sometimes when we see our thoughts written out on paper they become less powerful because we can see them more clearly.

If you don ‘ t have an official journal, that ‘ s okay. You can just get a notebook and write things down or, if you want to, you can use your computer. I find that using a pen and paper is the most effective for me.

#4 – Know that the morning will come.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep in mind that, no matter what, the morning and the sunshine will come.

Sometimes, that nighttime depression makes us think that we will never get through the night, that we will never see the light of day. That our depression will overwhelm us and the night will never end.

But night has never not turned to day. And with day, comes work and friends and activities and sunshine. Even if it continues, depression can seem not so heavy during the light of day.

What to do if you wake up in the middle of the night:

#1 – Don ‘ t lay there ruminating.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that your depression comes roaring back because all of your negative thoughts wake up with you, a really important thing to do is to not lie there, ruminating.

Instead, pick up your book or a magazine, but not your phone, to distract your mind from those thoughts. They say that reading for 20 minutes if you wake up increases your chances of falling back asleep than if you just lie there working yourself up, thinking about things.

So, keep some reading material next to your bed so if you wake up at night you don ‘ t spend those precious sleep hours in your head.

You ‘ ll be much better able to face the next day if you get enough sleep and that will in turn will help you manage your depression.

#2 – Use a calming app.

There are lots of calming apps out there now that can help ease your anxiety and depression during the nighttime. They use meditation, music, words of affirmation and other means to help your body and mind stay calm at night.

My favorite is Calm but I know there are others. Do some looking and see what works for you.

#3 – Know that the morning will come.

Again, when we are lying awake at night it ‘ s often hard to believe that the long night hours will ever end. But if there ‘ s one thing you can believe, always, it ‘ s that the sun will rise.

So, don ‘ t sink into the darkness of the night. Have hope that tomorrow will come and, with it, another day.

Good for you for getting ahead of your depression and trying to figure out how to stop feeling depressed at night.

Nighttime depression can be completely debilitating but managing it is not impossible.

In the evening hours, make an effort to keep your mind occupied, give yourself comfort, write out your words and have hope for tomorrow. Overnight, again try to keep your mind from sabotaging you and use those apps to help you get back to sleep.

If you are struggling with depression and these tips don ‘ t help, I would definitely encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor to talk to them about more ways to manage your depression. It ‘ s important to stay on top of it so that it doesn ‘ t get worse.

You can do it!

Are you strugglingwithnight time depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

What To Do When You’re Feeling Depressed, Isolated And Lost

February 3, 2019/by Mitzi Bockmann

Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless, alone and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Beingdepressed and feeling alone is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time.

#1 – Figure out the why.

There are two kinds of depression,situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our inclination is tocollapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. 1. Take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). 2. Do yoga. 3. WatchThe Walking Dead. 4. Take a bath. 5. Go to the movies. 6. Have sex. 7. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Occupy your mind.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and isolated, to keep your brain busy.Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed is our environment. In your bed and your pjs on might feel the most comfortable but they might not be the best option for getting better.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Call your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed, isolated and lost, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on it ‘ s own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!


If you have ready this far you must really be struggling with depression?


Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!


Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

Why Does Letting Go Of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You Hurt So Much?

January 20, 2019/3 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann

Why, oh, why does letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you hurt so much? Why do we struggle so much to accept that our relationship is over and to just move on?

A few years back I was in a relationship with a man who didn ‘ t love me anymore. He told me over and over that this was the case and would break up with me but then we would reconnect for some reason, get back together and then start the process all over again.

And then he left, left for good. For someone else. And I was devastated.

Looking back, I have wondered why this was so. Why couldn ‘ t I just let go? I think I havefigured it out and want to share with you what I have learned.

#1 – We believe that we are soulmates.

Do you believe that the relationship that you share with your man islike none other? That you are soulmates? That the intense passion and connection that you share cannot compare with anyone else ‘ s relationship and that letting it go would be such a waste?

Let me tell you, EVERYONE feels that way about their relationship. I hate to burst your bubble but, while the love you have for this man might be strong, it ‘ s not the ultimate love in the world and letting go of it will not be the end of it.

I read a quote once. ‘ I am no expert on love but I am pretty sure that the guy making you cry everyday isn ‘ t your soulmate ‘ So true!

As a matter of fact, if you can let go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you then you are WAY more likely to find a connection that is real and wonderful and magic. The kind of connection you long for.

#2 – We get stuck in the past.

If there is one thing that I hear over and over from clients who are trying to let go of love is that they are clinging to the memory of how it was in the beginning.

Remember the beginning? When you first met and things were wonderful. You couldn ‘ t get enough of each other, would stay up all night talking, had great sex and promised each other that you would be together forever.

And then, over a period of time, things started to go wrong and those wonderful things that made you so happy slowly disappear. The reality of the relationship starts to show it ‘ s face and, instead of seeing it for what it is, many people hold on to what was.

I wish we could just go back to the way we were in the beginningI hear all the time. But there is never any going back. Even healthy relationships aren ‘ t the same as they were in the beginning. They just can ‘ t be. The beginning is the beginning and that electricity is just not sustainable, whether it ‘ s in a healthy relationship or an unhealthy one.

So, if you are holding on to how things were, know that how things ARE is most likely how things will be going forward. Understanding this might give you some clarity that letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you might be your best option.

#3 – We are frightened of being alone.

It is the human condition to want to be in a pair. To have someone to share one ‘ s life and experiences with. That is the goal.

Unfortunately, for many of us, we are willing to settle for ‘ ˜good enough ‘ when it comes to finding the other half of our twosome. We believe that if we let go of the ‘ ˜bird in hand ‘ that we will NEVER find another man to love. The prospect of putting ourselves out there again so that we can find that person is overwhelmingly daunting. So, we hold onto the one we have now. Not matter how bad they are for us.

Let me tell you, from decades of personal and professional experience, that there is always another person out there for us. We might not find them right away but we will NEVER find them if we stay in the relationship that we are in.

So, if you are holding on to this guy who doesn ‘ t love because you believe that if you let him go you will always be alone, let me tell you that you won ‘ t! There is a guy out there for you, a guy who will be your perfect half, who will make you whole.

#4 – We have low self-esteem.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients who have trouble letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love them have very low self-esteem.

They just don ‘ t believe that they are worthy of being truly loved and, if they do, they have no idea how to go out and find it.

For many of us, getting to the place where our person doesn ‘ t love is back isn ‘ t a quick one. It involves the initial stages of big love and romance and then slowly we slide down to a spot in which we are no longer loved. On the way we often give up a lot of ourselves trying to make things right and, when they don ‘ t, we are left feeling worthless. And feel like if we are worthless then no one will love us again. And the truth is, if we are feeling worthless, we might not attract the kind of guy we want to attract.

For me, part of letting go of my guy was focusing on my business. I was able to redirect the pain of letting go of the relationship into something that made me feel really good about myself. And feeling good about myself allowed me to let him go and find someone who sees just how awesome I am.

#5 – We can ‘ t break the pattern.

I can ‘ t overemphasize enoughhow big a role patterns play in our lives.

Think about your daily routines and patterns and how off you feel those days that your routines are broken. Like if you always have breakfast before you head out the door and one day you just can ‘ t and how you just don ‘ t feel yourself for the rest of the day.

Now imagine this in relationship. When a relationship is new and good we establish patterns and routines with our partners. And those patterns and routines become entrenched in our brains. Breaking them can be nearly impossible.

Do you imagine what Christmas would be like without your partner? Or wonder who you would go to the movies with on Wednesdays? Does worrying about those things, breaking those patterns, paralyze you to the point that letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you seems impossible?

I have since learned that if you can get past that 8 week mark you can break a pattern. Try it. See if you can stay away from your guy for 8 weeks. You can do it!

And I can promise you that you will find someone else to go to the movies with on Wednesdays.

Letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you can be very difficult. Probably one of the most difficult things you will ever have to do.

But letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you isvery important for a happy life. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life living with someone who doesn ‘ t think that you are amazing? Who doesn ‘ t tell you and show you he loves you every day?

Could you ever be happy if the rest of your life is the same as your life today?

I know that, for me, finally getting away from the guy who didn ‘ t love me was the best thing that ever happened to me. It gave me strength and focus to build my business and my self-esteem. It made me understand that I could break patterns and not only survive but thrive. I learned that I was okay being alone and that while to me our love was special, really there is other, better love in this world.

So, what are you waiting for? Letting go of someone who doesn ‘ t love you is something that you can start doing right now!


If you have made it this far you must really be struggling to get away from someone who doesn ‘ t love you.

Let me help you, NOW, before the you get any more hurt!


Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

5 Things to Know About Marriage Before Your Wedding Day

January 16, 2019/by Mitzi Bockmann

Are you getting married? Congrats! And now you are looking for things to know about marriage. Good for you!

Marriage doesn ‘ t come with a manual. I wish it did. Because after the vows have been said, the doves have been released and the dress has been put in dry storage, comes marriage.

And as much as we would like to believe it ‘ s all happily ever after, it often isn ‘ t.

But it CAN be. All you need is some awareness and a willingness to act.

#1 – Communicate, Communicate, Communicate.

One of the most surprising things about many marriages is that after a while communication just stops.

Sure, there are lots of logistical stuff to discuss – when we are coming home for dinner, where the kids ‘ soccer games are, what time we are meeting the in-laws on Sunday.

But real communication, expressing of feelings, frustrations, hopes, dreams and longings, often stop.

Marriage is a 24/7 commitment. During those days, and years, lots of issues can arise, issues that can be hurtful and cause resentment. Instead of being addressed immediately, feelings are often left unsaid. It can just seem too scary to go there, to share how we feel and not know what the response will be. So we don’t.

And then, before we know it, it ‘ s easier to just not say anything, to do the dishes or spend longer at the office, doing anything to avoid difficult conversations. We do this assuming that the issues will be dealt with eventually. Like after Christmas, after Memorial Day or when the kids go off to college.

If you only take one thing away from this article it ‘ s this: keep communicating. Your marriage, and your life, will be better if you do.

#2 – Have lots of sex.

I know newlyweds will laugh now at the prospect of no longer having sex with their partner. ‘ That won ‘ t be us, ‘ they say.

But it very well could be.

We know that anger and resentment can build in a marriage because of unexpressed feelings. For a woman, there is no better libido killer than anger and resentment. And there is no better way to create anger and resentment in a man than the absence of sex.

Intimacy is key to maintaining closeness in a marriage. Touching, kissing, feeling loved and having orgasms are all a big part of this. Marriage without sex is simply a business arrangement.

So push past the anger and resentment and make love with your partner. Or, better yet, kill the anger and resentment with communication and happily make love every night.

You will be happy you did, both in the moment and long term.

#3 – Remember to respect each other.

There is a concept called the ‘ contempt of the familiar. ‘ This contempt occurs when people get to know each other very well. Too well perhaps. We know how the other person looks when flossing their teeth, how they leave their pants hanging on the door, how they slurp their coffee or that they fart in bed.

Perhaps at one time you thought these things cute but now, as time has gone by, they drive you nuts. They might even repel you.

Mutual respect is a key to any successful marriage. Your partner ‘ s mannerisms or ways of doing things might not jive with your own and this can lead to developing a dislike of who they are. And if you don’t like someone it’s hard to respect them.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Tell your partner that something they are doing is making it difficult for you to be with them. Don ‘ t just write them off as a lost cause, thinking ‘ if they loved me they would do this differently. ‘ We are all human beings trying to do the best that we can and if you are honest with yourself you know that they aren’t doing any of those things to spite you. They just do them. And can change if asked. Nicely.

Give your partner a chance to keep your respect and allow them to keep respecting you in return.

And sex is way better when you respect your partner. In case you didn’t know.

#4 – Don ‘ t let your extended family get in the way of your new one.

No matter how old we are when we get married, we have many years of experience and tradition with our extended families. Holidays spent just so, toilet paper rolls that roll out on top instead of under, sarcasm that is part of every family get together.

The extended family is wonderful and part of who we are but the priority now is the new family. The one we are creating with our partner.

Of course it ‘ s important to respect our family traditions but if doing so is at the expense of the new relationship it needs to be addressed. If the birthday tradition on one side is the whole family gathered and lots of gifts exchanged and the birthday tradition on the other side involves quietly celebrating with friends then a conversation needs to be had.

Have I mentioned yet the importance of communication?

Both sides of the family need to be told, respectfully, that while all family traditions are important what is important now is how the new family wants to make their own traditions. Compromises might need to be made but it is important that both partners feel like their new life as a couple is their own.

#5 – Know that a baby is going to change everything.

I know! Having a baby is so exciting. From ‘ starting to try, ‘ to nine months of watching it grow, to baby showers and then childbirth (!!) it ‘ s all so wonderful and new and partners are bound closer than ever.

One of the most important things to know about marriage is that when the baby is born and all bets are off.

Like when we get married, no one hands us a manual when we become parents. This means that from day one we are flying by the seat of our pants. Women most often immediately change their focus from their husband to their child. Men are left wondering what happened to their life. Yes, the child is delightful, but dinners together, time with friends, free time for athletics, are all suddenly gone. Not to mention the sex.

It ‘ s important to be aware that the baby is going to change everything and prepare and allow for it. Know that everyone is going to be exhausted, that things are going to be messy, that the next 18 years are going to be an evolution, and a revolution, like you have never been through before.

Commit to making it through those years together. Communicate like you did when you were first married, perhaps even more so, have as much sex as you can squeeze into your week and continue to love and respect each other even as life gets challenging.

It won ‘ t be easy but it will be worth it.

As you do with anything you haven’t done before, researching things to know about marriage before yours starts is very important!

I was married for 20 years and have been divorced for 5. I have spent a lot of time reflecting about what went wrong in my marriage.

What I do know is that we, as a couple, got lost in our family. We gave up who WE were to please everyone else: our kids, our in-laws, our friends. We stopped looking at each other with love, talking about our feelings, hugging each other, respecting each other.

We were business partners. Our family was a successful business but our marriage fell apart.

I am madly in love with a new man now, one I very much hope to marry. And believe me, I won ‘ t make the same mistakes twice.

Marriage is truly a wondrous thing and can be a big part of living the life of your dreams.

So do what I suggest. And don ‘ t ever stop.

If you are still reading your must be getting married and are eager to know what you are getting into.

Good for you! Let me help, NOW, before you walk down the aisle.

Email me at [email protected], or contact me here, and let’s get started.

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

What to Say When You Are Depressed & Someone Asks How You Are

January 13, 2019/2 Comments/by Mitzi Bockmann

You know that moment when you are depressed and you are out in the world because you have to be, even if you ‘ d rather be at home under the covers, that moment when someone, known or unknown, asks how you are?

And you think yourself : Well, how the hell do I answer that question?

The answer to that question is not a clear one but there are different ways to answer, depending on what you feel like you can handle and what you need. The goal when we are feeling depressed is to make sure that we are doing and asking for what WE need, not trying to please other people who might be pushing us to let them help us. 

So, if you someone asks you how you are, let your answer reflect what you need in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions:

#1 – I ‘ m fine.

Just because someone asks you how you are, that doesn ‘ t mean you need to spill your guts to them. Feeling anything other than fine is not something that you have to share with someone you don ‘ t feel comfortable sharing with.

For me, when I ‘ m depressed and my mother calls to ask how I am, I always say I ‘ m fine. I just don ‘ t want to get into it with her. I know that having a conversation with my mother about my depression will be all about her trying to talk me out of it. And that is never helpful.

In other words, it ‘ s okay to not always be honest about how you ‘ re feeling. It is important, however, that if you ‘ re not going to be honest, you are then willing to ‘walk the walk’ of feeling fine for as long as you ‘ re with that person. Telling my mother that I am fine and then sulking around the house is just a lose-lose situation for both of us.

#2 – I ‘ m really struggling.

Should you choose to be honest about your feelings then I would suggest being as simple and straightforward as you can. Telling someone that you ‘ re really struggling, with or without a reason why, might be exactly what you need to say.

For many of us, just having someone acknowledge how we feel in the moment can help us alleviate our bad feelings. I think this is especially the case with our men. I know that if my man asks me how I am and I admit to him that I am feeling sad and he knowledges it, without trying to fix it, I always feel just a little bit better.

I also know that if I tell them I ‘ m fine, and I ‘ m not, everything gets way worse, fast.

So, even if you don ‘ t feel like getting into it, telling someone you ‘ re struggling might be just what you need in the moment.

#3 – I am depressed. 

Admitting that you are depressed might be the answer that works for you. Talking to someone about your depression might be exactly what you need.

But remember, by sharing what is going on, you might be inviting the other person to feel like they need to fix you.

For many people, when faced with somebody who is struggling, they want to fix them right away, to make them feel better. Nobody likes to see anybody suffer and we feel like if we can help someone, we will all feel better.

So, be prepared to talk about what ‘ s wrong if you share with someone what ‘ s going on. That person might try, and fail, to help you and that just might put you in a worse place. But, at the same time, they could say exactly what you need to hear. It ‘ s a bit of a risk, sharing deeply, but the rewards can be substantial.

#4 – I am depressed and I appreciate your asking but I need to take care of myself right now.

With this answer, you ‘ re sharing with the questioner that you are feeling depressed but you are not inviting them to help you. You are acknowledging that they care, which is important, but you ‘ re being clear with them that you don ‘ t need them to fix you.

For many of us who are struggling with depression, we know when we are ready to start receiving help. At first, the feelings can be so deep that anything that anybody says to us seems authentic and doesn ‘ t help. 

If you ‘ re clear with someone that they can ‘ t help you YET, you will not only not be forced to sit through something that might make it worse but you will also let your friend off the hook for trying to fix something that ‘ s not yet fixable.

I know when I ‘ m feeling depressed I try to stay away from people because I don ‘ t want to be confronted with the How are you? question until I am ready.

But life goes on, no matter how we ‘ re feeling, and sometimes we just need to interact with people.

When that is the case, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need help, ask for it. If you don ‘ t want help, keep your cards close to your chest. When you are ready you can show them.

The best way for you to start feeling better is to take care of yourself, to recognize your needs and not worry about the needs of others. If you can do that, you ‘ ll be well on your way down the road to getting better.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your depression.

Let me help, NOW, before it gets worse!

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

Why Making Peace With Your Ex Is The Doorway To A Happier Life

January 9, 2019/by Mitzi Bockmann

If you had told me a few years back that making peace with your ex was even possible I would have laughed in your face.

My husband left me six years ago for his college girlfriend. We had been married for 20 years and one day he decided that he was just done. Or, rather, that he had found a replacement.

Suddenly, I wasn ‘ t a wife and my kids were off at school so I no longer felt like a mother. I felt like my life was over. I was devastated. And I was very, very angry.

It has taken me a long time to get past the anger I have felt for my ex but I can say that I am so very glad that I was able to do so. Because I was able to do it, my life has become much better place.

How?

#1 – It improved my physical health.

One of the reasons that making peace with your ex is the way to a happier life is because when you can let go of a grudge you become a much healthier person.

People who hold on to grudges, who are chronically angry, are constantly in fight or flight mode. Fight or flight mode results in numerous functional bodily changes including increased heart rate and blood pressure and heightened immune response. Those changes, then, can increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.

For me, the anger I felt for my ex definitely made my depression worse. My stomach hurt all the time and I lost tons of weight because I wasn ‘ t eating. I contracted Bell ‘ s palsy, a condition that paralyzed the left side of my face. I stopped sleeping and moved around like a zombie.

When my physical conditions started getting so extreme I realized that it was time to let go of the anger. My mother was angry with my father, her ex-husband, for 30 years and she died very young of pancreatic cancer. I didn ‘ t want to end up like her.

So, if you find that the anger you feel is interfering with your physical health, work on letting it go so that you can move on and get healthy.

#2 – It allowed me to feel better about myself.

When my husband left me for another woman, he left me feeling like I was the biggest loser in the world. If he didn ‘ t want me, the person who said he would want me forever, then who would?

I would spend hours at a time obsessing about what he and his woman were doing. Little things would go wrong and I would scream and yell, much like a child would. Whenever my ex and his girlfriend spent time with my kids, I would get so angry and jealous that I would curl up into a little ball and cry.

For quite a while I stumbled around, trying to find my place in the world, being held back by the anger that I felt for him. I tried to build a life for myself and find a new job but I just couldn ‘ t push past my depression and anger and make it happen.

It was only once I let go of my anger and worked on making peace with my ex that I was able to start feeling okay about myself again. I didn ‘ t feel like such a loser. I was able to get off my butt, start a business, start eating well and making new friends. My self-esteem slowly rebuilt itself to where it is today, somewhat off the charts.

#3 – It was great for my kids. And my friends.

If you have children with your ex, making peace with him will be the biggest gift that you can give them.

When their parents split, the matter what age they are, children are confused, angry and hurt. I know that the anger that I felt for my kids ‘ father wasn ‘ t healthy for any of us.

My son refused to talk about anything his father was doing and my daughter tended to over-share, somewhat perversely trying to make me feel better. Neither of those things were good for any of us, particularly for them.

I know that since I have made peace with their father, my kids are so much more willing to share with both of their parents their comings and goings. And this, more than anything, makes me happy.

Even if you don ‘ t have kids, I can promise you that your friends will agree that making peace with your ex is a wonderful thing, if only so that they don ‘ t have to listen to you talk about him anymore. They want to support you, always, but they most likely hate him and want him just to disappear.

#4 – It stopped me from obsessing about the past.

For many of us, we spend more time thinking about the past then we do thinking about our future. And constantly looking in the rearview mirror isn ‘ t good for anybody.

We all live with regrets, with obsessions about what we did wrong, about the messes we made and the things we could have done differently. Spending so much time doing that takes us away from creating a new and better future for ourselves.

I am here to tell you that the past is in the past and there ‘ s nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is to look at what we did, what we experienced, identify what we might have done differently and take that knowledge with us into the future. Being hard on ourselves for past behavior does us no good; it only makes us feel worse.

Once I started looking to the future, and not to the past, I was able to create a clear path for myself, a path that included the business that I wanted to build, the person who I wanted to be in the world and the love I wanted to find.

Instead of wasting time looking backwards, I moved to NYC, built myself a life coaching website, started speaking in public about life and love, started working with people living with mental illness and got out into the dating world.

So, stop wasting time obssessing about things you cannot change and start focusing on things that you can.

#5 – It allowed me to find TRUE LOVE.

When I was able to stop living in the past and start visualizing a future for myself, I knew that making peace with my ex was the best thing that I ever did.

I no longer spent all my time thinking about what happened in my marriage but instead I was able to think clearly about what I wanted for love in my future. I was able to think about what kind of man would be the right man for me. I was able to recognize that I deserved to be with the kind of man who would take care of me and treat me well. I was able to take the steps that I needed to take to find that love.

And guess what? I was able to find him. I found him because my head was up and I was keeping my eyes open instead of always looking inside at what was wrong with me. I found him. The love of my life. I never would ‘ ve found him if I was still really angry with my ex. That I know.

Where is your true love? Could he be just around the corner? Keep your head up and your eyes open, focused on now and on the future, so you can spot him when he appears.

Making peace with your ex might seem impossible right now. And perhaps it is. But making peace with your ex as soon as you can will only make your life a better place.

Holding on to anger and resentment is very bad for your mental and physical health. It keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-loathing. It ‘ s bad for your relationships with your children and your friends. It keeps you from moving forward and finding true love.

So, do what you need to do to work on making peace with your ex. Working with a life coach, like me, someone who ‘ s been through it all and who has helped many women do it themselves is an excellent place to start.

You can do this. It might be hard but it will be worth i


If you have read this far you must really want to make peace with your ex.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start TODAY and build better life for yourself!

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

How To Stop Feeling Depressed And Anxious All The Time

September 12, 2018/by Mitzi Bockmann


Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed and anxious all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and hopeless is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling anxious and depressed all the time.

#1 – Take a good look at your life.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed and anxious, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Keep your mind busy.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed and anxious, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and anxious, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed and anxious is our environment. Your bed and your pjs might feel like the right thing to do but you know now they are not.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Talk to your PCP.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed and anxious all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression and anxiety can go away on their own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!


Is anxiety and depression making a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!


 

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

5 Things You Need To Know About Combating Situational Depression

August 29, 2018/by Mitzi Bockmann


Are things in your life rough these days? Are you plagued by feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you find yourself combating situational depression? Are you wondering what to do?

Let me help!

Combating situational depression is different from dealing with other kinds of depression. Here are some things that you need to know to win the fight!

#1 – Know the difference between chemical and situational depression.

Diagnostically, are two basic kinds of depression: situational depression and chemical depression. They have similar symptoms but different causes.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more.

#2 – Know what is causing YOUR situational depression.

As I stated above, situational depression happens when something occurs in your life that causes you extreme stress and because you haven ‘ t yet adapted to the changes brought about as a result of that event.

Issues that can bring about situational depression include:

  • Problems at work or school
  • Illness
  • Death of a loved one
  • Moving
  • Relationship issues

Furthermore, many people who struggle with situational depression often have preexisting experiences with some sort of trauma that might contribute to their mood changes. Some possible experiences may be:

  • Existing mental health problems
  • Several difficult life experiences happening at once
  • Having gone through considerable stress as a child

So, take a good look at your life right now. Are you struggling with something? Is your child having issues at school? Is your marriage a mess? Are your parents ill? Anything that is out of the ordinary and which is making it more difficult to function.

If you are sad, and you are struggling with life events, you might be situationally depressed.

#3 – Know the symptoms of situational depression.

Most people with situational depression develop symptoms within roughly 90 days following the event that triggers the condition. Symptoms can include:

  • Listlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Lack of enjoyment of regular activities
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Sadness
  • Recurring bouts of crying
  • Loss of interest in food
  • Anxiety
  • Worry
  • Loss of Concentration
  • Withdrawal from work or friends
  • Suicidal thoughts

Symptoms of situational depression vary from person to person and usually include more than one of the symptoms above.

Review the list above carefully. If any of these things seem familiar to you then you might be struggling with situational depression and it ‘ s time to deal with it. Situational depression can cause severe disruption of your life if left untreated.

#4 – Know the best way to treat situational depression.

In many cases, situational depression will ease on its own. There are things that you can do in the meantimeto help relieve the symptoms. Getting exercise, eating well, getting enough sleep, sharing your feelings and doing things that make you happy can all help ease your sense of sadness.

However, if your symptoms are seriously disrupting your life or not going away, it would be a good idea to talk to your Primary Care doctor about what is going on. It might be time to talk to a psychologist and/or get treated with some medication.

Either way, it is important that you pay attention to your moods so that you know if they are getting worse or better. It ‘ s often easy to lose sight of the fact that it ‘ s the depression that is making your life so bleak. We start to blame ourselves for not being strong enough or outgoing enough or smart enough when in fact our self-image is clouded by the depression.

Checking in with your moods regularly so that you can deal with them properly is an important part of dealing with your situational depression.

#5 – Know that you should have hope.

Some people with situational depression have symptoms for longer than 6 months. This is especially common when something else happens during the recovery period, which often happens because, well, this is life.

If yourdepression is seriously impacting your life, whether just for a few weeks or a few months, reach out to your doctor to get some support. Your life just might depend on it.

Luckily, for many, situational depression can abate quickly, especially if you make a special effort to take care of yourself, sleep and eat well, get exercise and hang out with those you love.

So, have some hope that your situational depression will most likely pass, that it won ‘ t be a part of your life forever. How you are feeling today is most likely not how you will feel in a month or two.

Combating situational depression is exhausting. Life is hard enough and being sad, overwhelmed and hopeless as well can be devastating.

Fortunately, dealing with situational depression is possible. Take a good look at your life and try to identify what might be causing your sadness. Knowing what the source of your sadness is the first step to dealing with it.

Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat and sleep well. Pay attention to your moods and manage them. Have hope that, with time or with treatment, it will pass and you will get your life back.

You can do it! I promise.


Are you combating situational depression?
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Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!


 

Mitzi Bockmann
Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention,  Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.

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I am a New York City-based Certified Life Coach with 10 years experience as a working life coach. I am certified through the Coach Training Alliance and I am a member of the International Coach Federation.

Over the years I have worked with hundreds of people, like you, to help make serious change in their lives. These people have succeeded at, among other things, restoring the love in their relationships, getting to know themselves again and finding their place in the world.

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