Has your person left you for someone else? Are you wondering how to let go of love and move on, even when your heart is shattered and you feel like your life is over?
First of all, I am so sorry. There is nothing worse than a broken heart. NOTHING.
Secondly, I can promise you that, even though your heart feels shattered now, your life is not over and that there is hope for a very bright future for you, and for your heart.
But, you ask, How do I get there? How can I get past this pain?
Let me help….
#1 – Feel your feelings.
The guy that you love just left you for someone else. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.
You are going to be sad. You are going to be pissed! You are going to be devastated. And it’s okay.
I remember, when my ex-husband left me for someone else, that I was devastated. In a matter of days, I went from wife to nothing. He had moved on from his wife and from there forward it was him and her. I felt like I was nothing.
That pain lasted a long time but it did eventually pass. A big part of that was me letting myself feel my feelings – my anger, my sadness, my contempt, my disgust. I felt them all and let them go. It hurt a lot to do so but I did it. I truly believe that if I had stuffed them down I would still be dealing with them today.
It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn’t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It’s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.
Only by truly feeling and processing emotions will you be able to work through them and let them go.
#2 – Have no contact. NONE.
Often, when we are broken up with, what we want more than anything is one last conversation. Some closure, if you will.
I believe that closure is a myth.
What we really want in that last conversation is one last chance to be with that person. To perhaps convince them to stay. To prolong the goodbye, even just a bit.
I encourage you to fight against that impulse. All it will do is make you seem desperate and drag out the inevitable. Hold your head up high, say good riddance, and move on.
Also, there is nothing more tempting, when your lover has left you for someone else, then to stalk him or her on social media.
I know that it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your person’s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don’t want to see. You will see PICTURES of what he is doing and with whom. And chances are, seeing those things will send you into a tail spin. How could it not?
So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don’t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Don’t talk to him yourself.
Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.
You will be glad you did.
#3 – Get hot.
Yes, you read that right. Get hot.
Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.
Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.
Exercise is one of the best ways to manage grief. During exercise your body produces endorphins and endorphins actually make you feel better. And, as a side benefit, exercise also gets you in shape.
Imagine having the body that you have always wanted – you know what body I am talking about. Now is the time to get it. Start exercising to help manage your grief and use it to get in great shape and to feel better about yourself.
And, while it’s not about revenge, let your ex eat his heart out when next he sees you!
#4 – Live your dream.
Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.
When a client of mine was abandoned by her boyfriend she was a wreck and feeling lonely as hell. I asked her if there was anything that she had always wanted to do, something that she hadn’t done because she was in a relationship.
Without a pause she said YES – she had always wanted to go to Peru and hike the Machu Picchu trail. Could she do that now? I asked. And she said, Why the hell not?
So, my client set out making plans to travel to Peru in the spring. She researched tour groups, found a few friends to come with her, worked to get in shape and ultimately went on the trip of her dreams.
The planning kept her occupied instead of focusing on her guy and the trip changed her life, making her realize that if she could do that she could do anything.
What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don’t waste it!
#5 – Believe, believe, believe.
Yes, right now your heart is broken. You just can’t imagine being able to get through this day or the next. You know that you will never love or be loved again. Sigh.
No! You have to believe. You have to believe that your great love is out there. That you are more than a little loveable and that what you are going through is only temporary. Think about what you want and work on truly believing that you will get it. And then take the steps to do so. You can do it!
And, if you are feeling hot and full of self-confidence from all that exercise and surviving your grief, imagine what that special someone will think when they first lay eyes on you. WOW!
I can promise you. You will love again. He is out there. I wonder what he is doing right now.
Figuring out how to let go of love and move on after losing your person to another can be a daunting thing. It’s hard to believe that you will ever be okay again.
I can promise you that you will be okay! It might take a little bit but, once you have done the work you need to get past it, your breakup will be a distant memory and your new life will be great!
So, feel your feelings, cut him off completely, get yourself into shape, live your dreams and believe.
Your life will go on, better than ever. You will see. I promise!
Did your man find someone else and are you wondering if you can survive?
Let me help, NOW, before the pain becomes too much to bear!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.