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How to Stand up to Someone Who Doesn’t Value You

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I know it might seem impossible to do but knowing how to stand up to someone who doesn ‘ t value you is the key to being happy.

So many of us do it – no matter how badly we are treated, we won ‘ t walk away. We want so badly to love and be loved and we never want to give up hope, so we stay. And we suffer.

If you have a clear understanding of the specific things that you need to do to successfully stand up to someone who doesn ‘ t value you, you will have a far better chance of doing so and being happy.

So, how do you stand up for, and get, what you want?

#1 – Don ‘ t justify their behaviors.

I can ‘ t tell you how many of my clients justify their person ‘ s behavior when they are treated badly.

I have a client whose guy was always late. It was so disrespectful. What did she do? She justified it by saying he had to help people at his recovery group. How could she be upset if he was helping others?

Another client said that her boyfriend could never go out after work because he had to be there for his kids – even on days that he didn ‘ t have them. She said that he must have had other things to do with them – every time he used that excuse.

How about your person? Does your person do things that you know aren ‘ t ok and are you willing to write those things off? If you had a friend who told you the things that your person is doing to you was being done to them, would you tell them to run and run fast?

It is important that you don ‘ t justify your person ‘ s behaviors. The reality is is that a person who values someone makes time for them, isn ‘ t always making excuses and treats them like they are a priority.

Don ‘ t kid yourself if things are otherwise. You will regret it!

#2 – Don ‘ t lose yourself.

Many of us, particularly those of us who are being undervalued in a relationship, lose ourselves when we are involved with someone.

Those things that we used to do to make ourselves laugh, to make us feel good about ourselves, that made us feel loved and respected, those things get put to the side in our desire to commit ourselves to our relationship above all else.

A few years back, I was in a relationship with someone who didn ‘ t value me. When I met him, I was a single woman living very happily in NYC with my dog. I was running my own business and doing volunteer work that I loved. I respected myself.

Two years later, I was a shell of that person. Two years of being undervalued had made me believe that I really was worth nothing. And, as a result, standing up to him, standing up for myself, was almost impossible. I didn ‘ t value myself – how could I expect him to value me?

So, make sure that, whether your relationship is a healthy one or not, that you don ‘ t lose yourself to it. Keep your hobbies, your friends and your family in your life, focus on your career, take care of yourself. All of these things will keep you self-assured and aware that you deserve to be valued, no matter what, and you will feel more confident standing up for yourself!

#3 – Don ‘ t overcompensate.

Does this sound like you?

Does your person come home late and you still have dinner hot and ready for him?

Does your person not call for days and when she finally does, do you act like nothing is wrong?

Does he say unkind things to you and you just try to let them roll off your back?

Do you tiptoe around her, doing whatever you can to keep her happy so that she will love you?

If you do any of these things, you are overcompensating. You are doing all of the work in the relationship. You believe that if you only try hard enough, aren ‘ t difficult or demanding, flexible to whatever their whims are, then your person won ‘ t leave you.

Guess what – it just doesn ‘ t work!

As a matter of fact, if you work overtime to make your person happy, in spite of the way that they treat you, you are just making things worse. The more you overcompensate, the more likely they are to lose respect for you, which will only lead them to treating you worse.

So, if your person is treating you badly, don ‘ t bend over backwards to try to make them happy. If you stand up for yourself you are way more likely to get what you want – happiness and respect.

#4 – Don ‘ t stay for the wrong reasons.

I know that you aren ‘ t that happy in your relationship or you wouldn ‘ t be reading this article. So, I ask you – why are you staying?

Are you staying because of how happy you guys were in the beginning? Are you staying because you don ‘ t want to be alone? Are you staying because you have invested so much time? Are you staying because you don ‘ t want to start dating again? Are you staying because you ‘ ˜aren ‘ t a quitter? ‘ Are you staying because you are worried that you won ‘ t ever love or be loved again?

None of those reasons are a reason to stay in a relationship where someone doesn’t value you. The only reason to stay in this relationship is because you are happy. Don ‘ t stay in this relationship because you think your person can change. That, if you are nice enough, they will go back to the way things were in the beginning. Stay because you are happy with how things are right now.

And leave if you aren ‘ t!

Don ‘ t stay for the wrong reasons. It ‘ s a huge waste of time, time that you could be spending finding someone who will value you and love you forever.

#5 – Don ‘ t stick around.

The number one way to stand up to someone who doesn ‘ t value you is to walk away. Yes, walk away.

I know it seems easier said than done but if you can walk away from your person you will accomplish one of two things.

First, by walking away, by standing up for yourself, you could earn the respect of the person who has been treating you badly. There is nothing sexier than someone who advocates for themselves, who sees their own value.

Second, if you walk away from someone who doesn ‘ t value you, you will open yourself up to finding someone who does. The longer you stay in this relationship, the longer it will take you to be happy. If you stay in this relationship, as it is, with you being undervalued, your chances of being happy are greatly diminished!

So, be prepared to walk away if you can ‘ t get the respect you deserve!

If you need to stand up to someone who doesn ‘ t value you, do so soon!

Every moment that you waste being with someone who makes you unhappy is a wasted moment.

I know that you might think that he is your ‘ ˜soulmate ‘ but I can promise you that your soulmate would never treat you the way you have been treated!

So take steps NOW to make change – whatever change you need to do to set yourself up for a life full of happiness and love!

Why ‘No Contact’ Is Essential if You Want To Let Go of Your Ex

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I tell my clients that, if you want to let go of your ex, once and for all, you must go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘ And the first thing that I usually hear back is ‘ ˜ugh. ‘

What do I mean by ‘ ˜no contact? ‘ Blocking them on your phone, unfriending and unfollowing them, staying away from places you might see them, not letting them sneak back in through any back doors.

In the old days, when we broke up with someone, it was much easier to let them go. We didn ‘ t have access to an assortment of social media platforms where we could check up on our exes. We couldn ‘ t google stalk them. We couldn ‘ t text them when the urge struck. Unless we ran into them somewhere, they would truly be out of sight.

And out of sight means out of mind. And out of mind helped us move on.

I know things are different now but the need to move on is the same so, if you want to let go of your ex, ‘ ˜no contact ‘ is essential.

Why?

#1 – You will go back to Day One.

The number one reason to go no contact is because, with every point of contact that you have, you go back to day one, to that last moment you saw them, that moment that you walked away in incredible pain.

I use the analogy of trying to quit smoking. When you decide to quit something, you go cold turkey. You take it day by day and as the days past the pain of the loss gets less and less. And then, one day down the road, you decide to have one cigarette. And it ‘ s hard to have just one cigarette. Before you know it, you are smoking half a pack a day, knowing that soon you are going to have to go through the pain of quitting all over again.

Similarly, if you are getting a little bit better each day, even if you miss your ex, looking at them on social media or sending them a text, will set you back to the beginning, back at the bottom of the mountain that you had made good progress scaling.

And you don ‘ t want that, do you?

#2 – Memories can be painful. And compelling.

If you want to let go of your ex but are struggling to do so, memories are things that might be holding you back.

Unfortunately, after a break up, what we usually hold onto is the good memories and not the bad ones. The good memories were wonderful times but reliving them constantly makes it hard to move on.

Social media and our phones are full of opportunities for us to rekindle those memories. There are Instagram posts of your trip to Mexico and FB messenger text streams from when you were first talking. Your phone contains selfies of everything that you ever did. And you want more of those memories because you they were so wonderful. So, you reach out.

I believe that going no contact means getting rid of those opportunities to rekindle memories, getting rid of the pain that those memories can lead to.

Unfollow them on Instagram, unfriend them on Facebook and file away those selfies to a place you can ‘ t easily access them.

If you don ‘ t relive those memories, in whatever form, healing will be quicker and less painful.

#3 – Closure is a myth.

I 100% think that closure is a myth. I believe that closure is just one more opportunity to be in your person ‘ s presence and perhaps convince them to give you another chance.

If you are in contact with your person, the inclination, for either one of you, to try to get some closure is greatly enhanced.

And what will that closure do? It will open up old wounds that need to be hashed out. Tempers might flare and hurting things might be said. Being in the same personal space as your person might lead to intimacy which will only cause more confusion. You might walk away from it more devastated than you were before.

Yes, yes. I know the mention of sex might have made you pick your head up and smile but, really, sex with your ex is fraught with complicated emotions and, while it might feel good in the moment, the repercussions can be huge. Talking can do the same – only cause more pain than you were feeling before.

So, don ‘ t seek closure. It will only set you back in a big way.

#4 – Yo-yoing makes things worse.

For many of my clients, they are broken up with and left devastated only to have their person reappear in their lives. Day, weeks or months after a break up their text alert goes off and there is their person, saying ‘ ˜hi. ‘ That ‘ ˜hi ‘ can lead to more communication, doing things together, intimacy and raised hopes. More often than not, however, their ex, ultimately, pulls back again, walking away and leaving them feeling worse than before.

And, often, this precise series of events happens over and over, leaving my clients confused and devastated, full of false hope and unwilling to let go.

How bad does that sounds? Worse than where you are right now? It is worse. I can promise you that.

If you don ‘ t go ‘ ˜no contact ‘ then the chances of yo-yoing occurring are greatly enhanced. Any opportunity that your ex might have to contact you, or even if you contact them, the more likely it is that you will go down that rabbit hole that will, ultimately, only cause you more pain.

#5 – You will destroy your self-esteem.

I am sure that you are thinking that there is no way that your self-esteem can be worse than it is right now. Your relationship has ended, for whatever reason, and it has left you questioning yourself. So, how can reaching out or stalking them make things worse?

Imagine this. You text your ex for whatever reason and they don ‘ t text you back. How will you feel as you sit there waiting, gradually accepting the fact that you aren ‘ t important enough to respond to? Or you do some innocent stalking on Instagram and see your guy with a cute blond. Or his parents, who you loved, post a picture of all of them together at the summer house.

Will any of those things make you feel better about yourself? Instead of just feeling sad, might you feel abandoned, replaced or forgotten? And what will all those feelings do to your self-esteem.

On the other hand, if you do resist the temptation to text or stalk, you will take back your power. You will choose to put the past behind you and only look forward. And that, more than anything, will help you rebuild your self-esteem so that you can move on and be happy.

‘ ˜I am serious, ‘ I tell my clients, ‘ ˜If you want to let go of your ex, you will have to go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘ If you can ‘ t do it, you will have no chance of getting past the pain and moving on. ‘

So, how does one go no contact? How does one fill that empty space left by the person who left?

I encourage people to just take it day by day. If you think to yourself that you will never talk to your ex again, you will be completely overwhelmed, but if you tell yourself that you aren ‘ t going to reach out to them today, that seems reasonable. And if you take it one day at a time you will eventually just have done it.

That ‘ s what I did with my ex. For years we had gone up and down, trying to break up and yoyoing back and forth. And then, one day, I decided to go no contact. After a few days, he reached out, as was our pattern. And this time I didn ‘ t answer him. He tried again a few days later. I didn ‘ t answer him. Now, here I am, 4 years of no contact, madly in love with someone else and so thankful that I had the strength to do it!

You can too!

How to let Go of a Married Man, Even if You Still Love Him

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Are you wondering how to let go of a married man, someone you are madly in love with but who is hurting you over and over and over?

If you have been looking around online, you have probably discovered that there are millions of chat boards devoted to just this topic. And they don ‘ t make you hopeful.

The question at hand is: will your guy ever leave his wife and, if he doesn ‘ t, what to do about it and how to let go if you decide to leave?

Knowing ahead of time how to let go of a married man will help you take that big step to let go so that you can be happy and find love again.

#1 – Be honest with yourself.

Ok, here you are, reading this article, so you must be thinking about leaving your guy.

Why? I am guessing the reasons are something like this:

  • He keeps breaking his promises
  • He couldn ‘ t be there on your birthday
  • You never get to go out anywhere
  • He puts his family first
  • You are lonely
  • You feel horrible about yourself.

Do any of these reasons sound familiar? I am guessing that you have had some version of each of them almost daily since this whole thing began.

It is time for you to start really paying attention to these thoughts, to truly be honest with yourself about the future of your relationship with this man. Yes, you love him but do you truly see the happily ever after up ahead?

I would encourage you to take written stock of all of the hurts and broken promises. Seeing them in a list will make it even clearer to you why you must leave your guy, for once and for all.

Be honest with yourself. It ‘ s time.

#2 – Cut him off.

There is only one way that you will be successful at letting go of your guy. And that is if you cut him off completely.

Cut him off on all social media, block him on your phone, absolutely no sex, no late night supportive conversations. No ‘ ˜just being friends. ‘ Nothing.

Knowing how to let go of a married man includes being confident that you can do this because it is key!

Your married guy isn ‘ t going to want to let you go. I mean, why would he with the sex and support that you give him? And because of this, he will use every opportunity that he has to get back in with you. If you leave the door open a crack, he will get it fully open before you know it.

So, if you want to succeed this time at letting go of your married man, I would encourage you to be prepared to go ‘ ˜no contact. ‘ And when you do so, try to take it one day at a time. Don ‘ t think ‘ ˜I will never talk to him again ‘ because that will be overwhelming. Just think ‘ ˜I am not going to talk to him today. ‘ That is way more manageable.

I know it seems impossible right now but you can do it. I did and you can too.

#3 – Get to know yourself again.

I was involved with a married man once. He was ‘ ˜getting separated ‘ but it took almost a year to make that happen. And in that time, I totally lost myself.

When I met him, I was a single woman, living in New York City, running my own business and volunteering in the mental health field. I was healthy and happy and living the dream.

When he re-entered my life (I was in love with him in college), I couldn ‘ t have been more prepared for a healthy relationship so I thought I would be just fine waiting for him to leave.

Boy, was I wrong.

Over the course of the next year and a half, I totally lost who I was. I was so distracted by the situation that I couldn ‘ t focus on my business, my health failed, my depression soared and it felt like my life was falling apart.

The first thing that I did when I managed to finally go ‘ ˜no contact ‘ with him was to do something that I used to love doing – taking a road trip!

I packed up my car and drove down to North Carolina where I spent a few days with a friend. The adventure kept my mind busy and helped me remember the woman I had been before. The happy, hot, self-confident woman who could the world.

Getting to know that person again made me strong enough to continue to go ‘ ˜no contact ‘ with him and start to build my life again.

#4 – Spend time with people who love you.

I am guessing that, over the time you have been with your married man, you have separated yourself, to some degree, from those who love you.

The time that you spent, waiting near your phone, in case your guy called you. The time that you didn ‘ t schedule things to do with people because you wanted to be available in case your guy was. The time that you didn ‘ t spend with your friends because they didn ‘ t want to hear any more about your married guy.

Knowing how to let go of a married man includes spending time with people you love, as often as possible. Not only will doing so keep your mind busy, so that you aren ‘ t obsessing about your guy, but it will help you touch base again with the amazing person who you are.

And your friends will be so thrilled that you have your head on straight that they will be happy to join you on all of those adventures that you are ready to take.

#5 – Believe that you will love again.

I am guessing that this is the number one thing that is holding you back from letting go of your married guy. The fear that, if you do, you will never be loved again.

I am guessing that you might no longer believe that your guy is your soul mate – I mean how could a soul mate hurt you so much? But he is someone you love and someone who you have invested a lot of your precious time. The idea of starting over is daunting.

What I can promise you is this – if you stay with your married guy, how your life is right now is most likely how your life will be for the foreseeable future. Can you imagine?

But, if you can extricate yourself from this relationship now, yes, you will have to put yourself out there but you are way more willing to meet a guy who will love you truly and who is ready to devote his life to you.

You will love again. Maybe even more than once. But you will love again, I promise!

Knowing how to let go of a married man is the number one way to actually make it happen.

Much like we must prepare for a test or a life event, knowing the steps that you will have to take to do the hard task will prepare you for doing it. Knowing what is ahead might not make it all seem so daunting.

With that in mind, be honest with yourself about the relationship. Be prepared to cut him off immediately. Renew your relationship with yourself, and your friends and family, and know that you will love, and be loved, again.

I know it seems impossible but you can do it! I did and I am truly living happily ever after!

5 Ways to Accept That He Doesn’t Want You So That You Can Move On

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Learning how to accept that he doesn ‘ t want you might be one of the hardest things you ever have to do.

You love him and, in spite of you knowing that something just isn ‘ t right, you refuse to accept the fact that your relationship might be over.

And I get it. Who wants to let go of someone they love?

It is important, however, for you to work to accept that he doesn ‘ t want you so that you can finally let go and move forward.

Here are 5 ways to do so.

#1 – Look for red flags.

Ah yes. Red flags. We all hate red flags, don ‘ t we?

Why? Because red flags are those things that we are ignoring in an attempt to save our relationship.

I have a client who was in a relationship with someone who, I believed, always had one foot out the door. He would tell her he was coming over and then he would show up 4 hours late or not at all. When he did come over, he just wanted to have sex. He didn ‘ t ask about her day or take her out on dates.

All of these things she justified some way or another. And none of these things did she tell me about until after they finally broke up, so I knew that she knew that those things were not ok.

Our guys might tell us they want to be with us but it ‘ s important that you look at their actions as well. If you sense that anything is off, pay attention, don ‘ t explain it away.

If you do recognize those red flags, it might just help you accept that he doesn ‘ t want you.

#2 – Talk to your friends.

Think about that time you were sitting with your friend and she was telling you some god-awful story about a guy she was seeing. The stories were truly horrible and all you could think was ‘ ˜Why is she still with this guy. It ‘ s so clear that he is blowing her off? ‘ And when you tried to point it out, she was full of excuses for his behavior.

Well, right now you are that person, the one sitting with a friend, telling the stories. And your friend is the one there, rolling her eyes, telling you to walk away, fast.

LISTEN TO THEM! Most often, our friends have only our best interests in mind and I guarantee that they see things more clearly than you do right now.

We have friends for a reason – helping us see clearly is one of them!

#3 – Listen to his words.

My client whose boyfriend didn ‘ t show up on time, or ever, was always telling her that he wasn ‘ t ready to be in a relationship, that he had to work on his sobriety and get his shit together. She believed that if she could just love him enough, take good enough care of him, that he would see that he did want to be with her and they would live happily ever after.

And, while he was always telling her he didn ‘ t want a relationship, he was happy letting her cook him dinner, drive him to work, have sex with him, whatever he needed. And she was happy to do it because she wanted him to love her.

If your guy is letting you do all of these wonderful things for him but is still telling you that he doesn ‘ t want to be in a relationship, listen to him. I know that he sending you mixed messages but I can promise you that the one about not being in a relationship is the one that is real.

So, listen to him. It might make it easier for you to accept that he doesn ‘ t want you.

#4 – Write things down.

After my client finally let go of her boyfriend, she started telling me what things had really been like in the relationship. That he wasn ‘ t showing up, was treating her badly when he did and how he told her, over and over, that he didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship.

In spite of all of those things, she still couldn ‘ t accept that he didn ‘ t want her because she looked at each issue individually, not as a group. She didn ‘ t see the systemic patterns that indicated that he didn ‘ t want to be with her.

I had her start writing down the things that he did to her as she remembered them. A lot of them, her mind had pushed way down deep because of her denial but they popped up when she dug for them.

Within the first day, she had a list a full page long. Over the next week it became even longer. When she saw all the things that he had done listed in front of her, it was way easier for her to see that he had been treating her badly and sending her signals for a long time that he didn ‘ t want to truly be with her and that she was the only one trying to make it work.

So, take stock of the words and deeds that your guy is saying and doing that don ‘ t make you feel so good. If you see them all together then it might make it easier for you to accept that he doesn ‘ t want you.

#5 – Move the #*#& on.

I know it ‘ s hard, hearing me tell you that it ‘ s time to move on.

You have been working for months, or years, to make this relationship work and now I am telling you that it ‘ s time to give up. Ugh.

I have a client who was enmeshed with a narcissistic alcoholic for 10 years. She could not let him go and accept that he didn ‘ t want her. I encouraged her to date and eventually she did.

And it helped so much!

What getting back out there did for her was to remind her that she is beautiful, that there are men who want her, to remember what it felt like to be wooed and appreciated. And, eventually, she did meet a guy who wanted to be with her and treated her like a queen and they are now living happily after.

So, stop sitting around, mooning over someone who doesn ‘ t want you. Put on some high heels, or sneakers, and get back out there. There a million guys out there who would be lucky to have you.

I know that working to accept that he doesn ‘ t want you is not an easy thing.

I know that you so wanted this relationship to work and letting go is killing you.

But, if you can be honest with yourself, recognize the red flags and listen to his words you will get closer to accepting what has happened. And, once you put yourself back out there, you won ‘ t look back, only forward!

You can do this! I promise!

5 Surprising Reasons You Are Still Feeling Depressed After a Break Up

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Are you still feeling depressed after a break up? Are you totally miserable and wondering why?

Still feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. While it ‘ s not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising, reasons why you are feeling depressed and those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.

Here are 5 surprising reasons you are still feeling depressed after a break up to help you understand and move on.

#1 – Fear.

When we are going through the pain of a break up we are experiencing fear in many forms.

We are afraid that we will be forever alone, that no one will ever love us again. We are afraid that we are unlovable. We are afraid that we are flawed. We are afraid that we will never be happy. We are afraid that our dreams of marriage and a family will never come true.

These fears are certainly understandable but, fortunately, they are mostly like completely unfounded even if they feel really true to you in this moment.

I have never yet met someone who broke up with someone and never found another person to love. There are millions of people out there and at least one more of them is out there waiting for you.

You are definitely not unloveable or flawed – you just weren ‘ t well matched with your ex.

You will be happy again. I know that it ‘ s hard to imagine right now as you go through the pain of a break up but you will be!

And there is still plenty of time for your dreams to come true.

#2 – Boredom.

I know, you are still feeling depressed after a break up and believe that you will never be happy again. And your depression is warranted. But I would also argue that a lot of your depression comes from sheer boredom.

When we break up with someone, we lose a playmate. Someone to watch TV with, to go out to dinner with, to fool around with, to just hang out with during those down times. And now you don ‘ t have that person.

A lot of people find that, when they are still feeling depressed after a break up, they have stopped doing things. They don ‘ t feel like doing things because they are depressed but they also aren ‘ t used to doing things without their person so they don ‘ t do anything at all. As a result, they are bored and they spend lots of time thinking about their ex and they get depressed.

I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. I was just talking to a client who said that just taking a trip to Starbucks brightened her day, at least temporarily. Sitting at home, obsessing, was sucking the life out of her!

I know it ‘ s hard during these times of Covid to keep yourself busy but now is the time to work to do so. Facetime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch rom-coms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.

Honestly, you might not be missing your ex as much as you think you are and keeping yourself busy might prove that!

#3 -Time wasted.

It ‘ s interesting – many of my clients who are still feeling depressed after a break up are so because they lament the time that they invested in their ex. Everyone has hopes and dreams and when they lose someone, they feel like they have had to let go of their hopes and dreams forever.

Many people stay in relationships that aren ‘ t serving them because they have ‘ ˜invested so much time already. ‘ They don ‘ t want to have to go back to online dating and start all over again. So, they stay. And then, when the relationship eventually fails anyway, they have wasted even more time and they regret is.

If you are obsessing about the time wasted in a relationship with your ex, let it go. Yes, it ultimately didn ‘ t work out but I am guessing that you had some really good times and perhaps you have even learned some things about yourself that will help you in future relationships.

#4 – Self Doubt.

Many of us don ‘ t realize that when we are still feeling depressed after a break up, especially if it ‘ s been awhile, is because we are feeling so badly about ourselves.

If we are left by someone, we question why we weren ‘ t good enough. If we do the leaving, we wonder what is wrong with us that we can ‘ t find a steady relationship. We truly believe that we are flawed in some deep way and that we will never be happy with someone and get the things we want in our lives.

Let me tell you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Yes, you weren ‘ t well matched with your ex but that doesn ‘ t mean you are flawed. Of course, I encourage everyone to take a good look at themselves and see what they have learned over the course of the relationship but that doesn ‘ t mean that you are damaged or unloveable in any way just that you, like everyone, are a work in progress and a human being.

You are how you are. If someone doesn ‘ t see how amazing you are, they aren ‘ t worthy of you. If you chose a partner in error, remember we all make mistakes.

The important thing is to pick yourself back up, have faith in yourself and your ability to connect and keep on looking for your happily ever after! You are absolutely worthy of a happily ever after!

#5 – The Big Picture.

One of things that people really don ‘ t notice when they are wondering why they are still depressed after a break up is that there is a whole lot more depressing stuff going on in the world. And those things make our depression worse.

I have a client who is struggling big time with a broken heart and every day focuses in on it being the source of her depression. The reality is is that she is also struggling with a daughter she is estranged from, job insecurity and Covid-19. Those are all things that are mostly out of her control so it ‘ s hard to face them. And when she feels badly about them, she defaults back to ruminating about her break up. Instead of understanding that she has a lot of challenges in the world, she blames all of her unhappiness on her broken heart.

So, ask yourself, what are you struggling with these days, other than your break up? Are some of those things things that you haven ‘ t dealt with because focusing on your broken heart is easier? If the answer is yes, understand that part of the depression that you are feeling are those things and not just your broken heart!

Knowing why you are still feeling depressed after a break up, even if it ‘ s been a while, will help you get past it.

It is surprising that often times what we think is making us so depressed, the end of our relationship, is not necessarily the only thing that is making us depressed.

We are depressed because we are afraid of the future, because we are bored, because we are struggling with wasted time and self-doubt and because the world is damn hard place to cope with these days.

So, as you ride out your broken heart, take stock of these 5 reasons you are still depressed after a break up and know that you will get through this time and out the other side better than ever!

You can do it!

Why We Can’t Let Go of Love for Someone Who Treats Us Badly

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It ‘ s the most frustrating thing – not being able to let go of love for someone who treats us badly.

How come, if we are in relationships that we know aren ‘ t working, do we have such a hard time ending it? Why, if we know that breaking up is the smart thing to do, can we still not do so?

Breaking up with someone, whether we want to do so or not, is never easy. We go into relationships with such hope, and ending them can seem like the end of a dream. Or the end of a nightmare.

There are a few reasons why we can ‘ t let go of love for someone who treats us badly.

Knowing why it ‘ s so difficult might make it easier for us to let go.

#1 – Social standing.

I know that it seems weird, but many people, are worried about breaking up with someone because of the effect that it will have on their social group.

I actually have two clients who both know that they aren ‘ t right for each other, but they are worried about what will happen to their softball team if they break up. Will they both continue to be able to play? Will the drinks out afterward be uncomfortable?

I also have a client who is married and considering a divorce. She is worried about who will get the friends if they divorce. Will they have to take turns hanging out with people? Will it get awkward? Would it make her feel bad if she wasn ‘ t included in something?

I totally get it that people are worried that if they break up with someone, it might impact their social lives but, unfortunately, basing your decision on your social life is not a good idea. Yes, beers out after softball or not taking part in a dinner party might not feel good at the moment, but they are just passing feelings, feelings that will change as time goes on.

Furthermore, I am guessing that if you are considering breaking up, you guys aren ‘ t too much fun as a couple so your social group might be happy if you two go your separate ways!

#2 – Fear of being alone.

This might be the number one reason that you can ‘ t break up with someone, even if you know that you should.

I don ‘ t think there is a single client who I have worked with who hasn ‘ t been concerned about being alone forever if they break up with their person. I, personally, remember thinking in high school that if my guy broke up with me, I might never love them again.

I can tell you, with 100% certainty, that if you break up with someone who isn ‘ t making you happy and you are willing to put yourself out there again, you will find someone else to love you. You are amazing, and your person is out there waiting.

Furthermore, if you can ‘ t break up with someone, then you will be forever doomed to not be in a happy relationship because, if you are stuck in this one, you won ‘ t be able to find someone else.

So, if you can ‘ t break up with someone even if you know you should know that, if you can find the strength to do so, you will find the person of your dreams.

#3 – Hope for change.

For many people, especially women, hope and believe that we can fix the things about our partner that make us unhappy.

Perhaps your partner spends too much time with his friends at the expense of time with you. Perhaps he works all the time and does give you much attention. Perhaps she doesn ‘ t treat her family the way you would like her to. Perhaps you wish she had higher self-esteem.

You believe that, if only you love them enough and don ‘ t give up on them, they will change, correct?

Many people who are unhappy in relationships but who can ‘ t break up with their person can ‘ t do so because they believe that they can fix the other person and then they will live happily ever after.

Let me tell you, unless you are happy with who your person is RIGHT NOW; then you are doomed to be unhappy if you don ‘ t break up with them. People can ‘ t be fixed. They can choose to make changes of their own accord, but you won ‘ t be able to fix them, no matter how hard you try.

#4 – Time invested.

I can ‘ t tell you how many times I have heard this from clients – ‘ I have put so much time into this person. I don ‘ t want to walk away now. ‘

I can ‘ t tell you how many times I have told them that that is no reason to stay.

Yes, you might have invested a lot of time in this person (I put 20 years into my now-defunct marriage), but don ‘ t spend even one more minute with someone who you aren ‘ t happy with. Cut bait right now and invest the next few minutes, hours and days of your life in taking care of yourself and putting your energy out into the world to find the person of your dreams.

Furthermore, I do believe that any time we might spend with someone, no matter how it ends, isn ‘ t a waste of time. You learn a lot, about yourself and about relationships, during your time with someone. The only reason that time would be wasted is if you walk away without taking what you have learned with you.

So, don ‘ t let sunk time, time that you have already spent, and make your stay in a relationship that you know should end.

#5 – You don ‘ t like to give up.

Another thing I often hear from clients is that they don ‘ t like to give up. That they want to continue to fight for a relationship. What I tell them, in response, is that one person can ‘ t fight for a relationship. Unless both people are willing to fight, a broken relationship will not get fixed.

None of us like to give up and admit defeat, but if you are the only one fighting for this relationship, giving up is the best and wisest thing that you can do.

When we can ‘ t let go of love for someone who treats us badly, even if we know we should, we are letting ourselves down.

Lots of time and effort is spent going back and forth on the pluses and minuses, recovering from crying jags and feeling hopeless about the future. You are paralyzed because the lack of action is overwhelming.

Basically, your life is put on hold while you try to break up with someone you should break up with.

Knowing and accepting that there are reasons why you can ‘ t break up with someone is the best way to be able to take the steps to do so.

Go through the checklist above. Consider those that apply to you. If you can work your way through them, you just might find that you have the strength to break up with someone for both of your own good.

You can do this! And if you do, you will give yourself the chance to live happily ever after!

5 Reasons Feeling Insecure in a Relationship is a Red Flag

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Are you feeling insecure in your relationship and wondering if it ‘ s a red flag?

Did you start out feeling confident, but have you, over time, started questioning yourself in the relationship and how and why things are happening the way they are happening?

Do you find yourself doing anything you can to feel more secure in the relationship, to no avail?

If you are feeling insecure in a relationship, there can be many reasons why. Most of them are, I am afraid, red flags, so being aware of that is very important for your future happiness, whether in this relationship or another.

Here are 5 reasons why feeling insecure in a relationship might be a red flag.

#1 -You aren ‘ t being treated well.

Ask yourself this question – are you being treated well in this relationship?

Does your person show up when they say they are going to? Are they honest with you? Do they treat you with respect? Do they include you in activities that they enjoy doing?

If your answer to any of these questions is no, you are not being treated well. And not being treated well can make someone insecure to the extreme, especially if you were being treated well at the beginning of the relationship.

And, needless to say, if you are not being treated well in a relationship, it ‘ s a HUGE red flag that the relationship is not a healthy one.

Don ‘ t try to hold on to how things were in the beginning, trying to believe that if you only try hard enough, or hang around long enough, things can get back to the way they were. The old days are gone. And if you aren ‘ t being treated well, time to get out!

#2 – You are not being yourself.

Be honest with yourself. Are you being your true self in this relationship? Would your friends say that the person you are when you are with your partner is the person you usually are?

Many people who are feeling insecure in a relationship are so because they aren ‘ t being their authentic selves. Instead, they have twisted themselves into a pretzel, trying to be who their person wants them to be. As a result, they know, deep down, that they aren ‘ t themselves and that their partner loves someone else..

I have a client who loved to drink, and when she was with her boyfriend, who was in recovery, she didn ‘ t drink. She said that she was fine with this, but when they weren ‘ t together, she got hammered. And he didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship with a girl who got hammered. All of this made her feel bad about herself, and ultimately their relationship fell apart.

So, ask yourself if you are being authentic. If you aren ‘ t, you feeling insecure in a relationship might be about that, and it is a huge red flag that your relationship could fail.

#3 – You are ignoring signs.

You know when you see something very clearly but you choose to ignore it because you just don ‘ t want to deal?

Like you know that if you don ‘ t finish this project in time, you might get fired. Or if you don ‘ t apologize to your sister, things are going to get worse? Or if you know that your credit card payment is due so you hide the bill so you don ‘ t have to think about it?

All of those things won ‘ t help you feel good about yourself in any way and usually lead to feelings of insecurity.

It is the same thing in a relationship. For my client, who pretended she didn ‘ t drink when she was with her guy, she was also a pro at ignoring any signs that the relationship wasn ‘ t all that she wanted it to be.

He would say he was coming over and he would be hours late. He wouldn ‘ t answer his phone calls because he was supporting other people. He told her he didn ‘ t want a real relationship but would come over looking for sex anyway.

All of these things made her feel insecure and because she was ignoring them (and not telling me about them), they just got worse.

Ignoring the signs that things aren ‘ t good is a huge red flag that your relationship might be doomed.

#4 – You aren ‘ t listening to your friends.

How many times have you told a friend something, only to have them ignore you and do what they want anyway? Hundreds, right?

Are your friends telling you things right now that you are ignoring? Are they pointing out issues in your relationship that aren ‘ t healthy? Are they pointing out red flags that you are missing? Are they making you feel like your relationship might not be as good as you want it to be?

If you are ignoring your friends, it might be one reason you are feeling insecure in your relationship. No matter how hard you try to convince yourself that your relationship is healthy, the words of your friends are always buzzing in your head, causing you to question your relationship and feel bad about yourself.

And if your friends are telling you to get the hell out of there, that is definitely a red flag!

#5 – Your life has been thrown off course.

Is your life not what it used to before this relationship began? Have you lost touch with some of your friends? Has your work suffered? Have you gained or lost weight? Are you having trouble sleeping? Has your life has been thrown off course because of the relationship that you are in?

I remember being in a relationship with someone who wouldn ‘ t commit to me. He kept on saying he would, but then he would come and go. It was making me question everything about myself. I couldn ‘ t sleep, my work suffered, and I blew off my friend, sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. I felt like a shell of the person I was before the relationship. And boy, was I feeling insecure as a result, especially because of the fact that I knew this unhealthy relationship was bringing me down.

So, if your life has been thrown off track by this relationship, pay attention. The insecurity that you are feeling is a huge red flag that should not be ignored.

I know that feeling insecure in a relationship does not feel good.

Relationships should be all about love and friendship and good times, not about being disrespected, not being yourself, losing your friends and your life and ignoring signs that this all indicates toxicity.

Take good stock of the things I talked about above. If there are red flags that you are ignoring in your relationship and they are making you feel insecure, do something about it. Confront it – either with your partner or on your own.

Don ‘ t waste one more minute in a relationship that makes you feel insecure. Life is too short!

You can do it!

Feeling Depressed After a Break Up? 5 Surprising Reasons Why

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Are you feeling depressed after a break up? Are you totally miserable and wondering why?

Feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. While it ‘ s not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising, reasons why you are feeling depressed and those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.

Here are 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a break up.

#1 – Fear.

When we are going through the pain of a break up we are experiencing fear in many forms.

We are afraid that we will be forever alone, that no one will ever love us again. We are afraid that we are unlovable. We are afraid that we are flawed. We are afraid that we will never be happy. We are afraid that our dreams of marriage and a family will never come true.

These fears are certainly understandable but, fortunately, they are mostly like completely unfounded even if they feel really true to you in this moment.

I have never yet met someone who broke up with someone and never found another person to love. There are millions of people out there and at least one more of them is out there waiting for you.

You are definitely not un-loveable or flawed – you just weren ‘ t well matched with your ex.

You will be happy again. I know that it ‘ s hard to imagine right now as you go through the pain of a break up but you will be!

And there is still plenty of time for your dreams to come true.

One of the reasons we feel so much pain is because of our fear. It can be hard to manage but it can be easier to push back on if we are aware of exactly what we are afraid of! So, take a look at what you are afraid of and question if what you fear is really true.

#2 – Boredom.

I know, you are depressed after a break up and believe that you will never be happy again. And your depression is warranted. But I would also argue that a lot of your depression comes from sheer boredom.

When we break up with someone, we lose a playmate. Someone to watch TV with, to go out to dinner with, to fool around with, to just hang out with during those down times. And now you don ‘ t have that person.

For a lot of people, when they are feeling depressed after a break up, they stop doing things. They don ‘ t feel like doing things because they are depressed but they also aren ‘ t used to doing things without their person so they don ‘ t do anything at all. As a result, they are bored and they spend lots of time thinking about their ex and they get depressed.

I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. I was just talking to a client who said that just taking a trip to Starbucks brightened her day, at least temporarily. Sitting at home, obsessing, was sucking the life out of her!

I know it ‘ s hard during these times of Covid to keep yourself busy but now is the time to work to do so. Facetime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch rom-coms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.

Honestly, you might not be missing your ex as much as you think you are and keeping yourself busy might prove that!

#3 -Wasted time.

It ‘ s interesting – many of my clients are depressed after a break up because they lament the time that they invested in their ex. Everyone has hopes and dreams and when they lose someone, they feel like they have had to let go of their hopes and dreams forever.

Many people stay in relationships that aren ‘ t serving them because they have ‘ ˜invested so much time already. ‘ They don ‘ t want to have to go back to online dating and start all over again. So, they stay. And then, when the relationship eventually fails anyway, they have wasted even more time.

If you are obsessing about the time wasted in a relationship with your ex, let it go. Yes, it ultimately didn ‘ t work out but I am guessing that you had some really good times and perhaps you have even learned some things about yourself that will help you in future relationships.

#4 – Self Doubt.

Many of us don ‘ t realize that when we are feeling depressed after a break up it ‘ s because we are feeling so badly about ourselves.

If we are left by someone, we question why we weren ‘ t good enough. If we do the leaving, we wonder what is wrong with us that we can ‘ t find a steady relationship. We truly believe that we are flawed in some deep way and that we will never be happy with someone and get the things we want in our lives.

Let me tell you, there is NOTHING wrong with you. Yes, you weren ‘ t well matched with your ex but that doesn ‘ t mean you are flawed. Of course, I encourage everyone to take a good look at themselves and see what they have learned over the course of the relationship but that doesn ‘ t mean that you are damaged or unloveable in any way just that you, like everyone, are a work in progress and a human being.

You are how you are. If someone doesn ‘ t see how amazing you are, they aren ‘ t worthy of you. If you chose a partner in error, remember we all make mistakes.

The important thing is to pick yourself back up, have faith in yourself and your ability to connect and keep on looking for your happily ever after! You are absolutely worthy of a happily ever after!

#5 – The Big Picture.

One of things that people really don ‘ t notice when they are feeling depressed after a break up is that there is a whole lot more depressing stuff going on in the world. And those things make our depression worse.

I have a client who is struggling big time with a broken heart and every day focuses in on it being the source of her depression. The reality is is that she is also struggling with a daughter she is estranged from, job insecurity and Covid-19. Those are all things that are mostly out of her control so it ‘ s hard to face them. And when she feels badly about them, she defaults back to ruminating about her break up. Instead of understanding that she has a lot of challenges in the world, she blames all of her unhappiness on her broken heart.

So, ask yourself, what are you struggling with these days, other than your break up? Are some of those things things that you haven ‘ t dealt with because focusing on your broken heart is easier? If the answer is yes, understand that part of the depression that you are feeling are those things and not just your broken heart!

Feeling depressed after a break up is totally natural. It ‘ s not fun but it ‘ s natural.

It is surprising that often times what we feel is making us so depressed, the end of our relationship, is not necessarily the only thing that is making us depressed.

We are depressed because we are afraid of the future, because we are bored, because we are struggling with wasted time and self doubt and because the world is damn hard place to cope with these days.

So, as you ride out your broken heart, take stock of these 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a break up and know that you will get through this time and out the other side better than ever!

You can do it!

5 Things that Someone Who is Gaslighting You Will Say

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Do your friends tell you that you are in a relationship with someone who is gaslighting you but are you not sure if it ‘ s true?

Are you not entirely clear on what gaslighting is and how to spot it?

Let me help.

The definition of gaslighting is ‘ ˜manipulating someone by psychological means into questioning their own sanity. ‘ In other words, a gaslighter will do what they need to do so that you can no longer tell what is true or not, what is right or wrong.

People gaslight for a variety of reasons. They might be narcissistic and refuse to take responsibility for anything. They might have a need to control you. They might want to get something from you and destroying your self esteem, or even your sanity, is the best way to get it. Either way, gaslighting is incredibly destructive.

And many people who are in relationships with someone who is gaslighting them just don ‘ t see it, primarily because they have been manipulated into believing they they are too stupid to recognize anything.

Fortunately, there are a few things that gaslighters almost universally say to their targets. Let me share with you 5 of those things right now so that you can see if you are being gaslit, being convinced that you are out of touch with reality and questioning every choice you make.

#1 – You are always wrong.

Does your person always tell you that you are wrong? If you walked outside and observed that the sky was blue, would your person tell you that you were wrong and that it was red? If you share a memory about your relationship at a dinner party, will your person later tell you that it never happened, that you had made the memory up your head?

This is a classic thing that someone who is gaslighting you will say. Their intention is to make you doubt yourself. To make you question every thing you say and everything you do. By doing so, your person can dominate you, can make you feel that you need them to function in the world.

#2 – You have no friends.

It is a horrible thing to tell someone but this is exactly what someone who is gaslighting you will say. They will tell you over and over that you have no friends.

They will tell you that no one likes you. That you are unlikeable. That people are talking behind your back. That they are your only friend and they only are because they feel sorry for you.

Even if you have friends who show up for you, who you see regularly, a person who is gaslighting you will tell you that those people are pretending to like you, that they are using you for their own purposes, that you shouldn ‘ t trust them.

Why do they do this? They do it because they want to separate you from the people who love you and support you. They want to be the only person in the world who you rely on and trust. By doing so, they can control you, the ultimately goal of gaslighters, really.

#3 – You are worthless.

This a key thing that someone who is trying to gaslight you will say to you. They will tell you over and over that you are worthless.

One of the goals of a gaslighter is to destroy your self-esteem. To do so, they tell you that you are worthless. That you are a bad friend/parent/child/partner. That you aren ‘ t capable of career success. That you aren ‘ t capable of anything.

If you believe yourself worthless, you will start to believe it. And you will need to rely on your person and they will control you. And if you are under their control, you will lose yourself completely, believing every day that you are more and more worthless.

#4 – You can ‘ t see the truth.

I have a client who has a boyfriend who always tells her that she can ‘ t see the truth.

He has been trying to win her back, again, and she is being, finally, very cautious. He reappeared at her door after 6 months, announcing that he loved her, that he wanted to move in with her and get married. He expected her to jump back in his arms. And she didn ‘ t.

Since then, he has vaccillated back and forth between telling her he loves her and blaming her for the fact that they aren ‘ t back together. ‘ ˜I jumped back in, ‘ he says. ‘ ˜If you really loved me, you would have done the same. ‘

I have to reassure her regularly that the truth of the matter is is that she is being careful. His declaration of love is something that he does to pull her back in and then he walks away again. She has let him do that before, because she does love him, but she is not going to do it again.

Even so, because he is a gaslighter, she is constantly struggling to see the truth in the situation.

#5 – Everything is your fault.

Does your person always tell you that you are at fault?

If he comes home drunk, does he blame you for driving him to drink? If she run up the credit card, does she say it ‘ s because you are never home? Is a dinner that was burnt because you had to do something for them your fault?

Someone who is gaslighting you is someone who will take no responsibility for the dynamic between the two of you. Everything will be your fault. Not only does that obsolve them from any responsibility it will also continue to undermine your belief that you are worthless and unloveable.

Knowing what someone who is gaslighting you will say is the key to preventing, or stopping it, from happening.

If you are with someone who tells you are always wrong, who tells you are friendless and worthless, who makes you doubt yourself in every way, then, most likely you are with someone who is gaslighting you.

You may or may not recognize why this is happening to you but it is important that you not trust what this person is saying and doing and that you get away from them as soon as possible. Reach out to people who love you to help you escape from this person so that you can keep your sanity and have a happy life.

Why You are Feeling Angry After a Break Up, Even if it was Mutual

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Are you feeling angry after a breakup, even if it was mutual?

Were you in a relationship that you knew was doomed, and are you relieved that it is over but still angry for some unknown reason?

It makes sense. This happens to a lot of us at the end of a relationship for so many reasons.

5 Reasons Behind Anger After A Breakup:

#1 – Unanswered Questions.

Are there things that happened in the relationship that you don ‘ t understand? Did something happen that changed the way you thought about things? Were you scared to ask questions, or, if you did, were they left unanswered?

Unanswered questions can really be anger-inducing.

I have a client whose relationship had just ended. They realized that they just had too many issues and that it wasn ‘ t going to work out. He is angry, though, because he has some questions about what happened with his girlfriend ‘ s ex over the course of their relationship.

He has a feeling that his girlfriend was talking to her ex the whole time they were dating, but he wasn ‘ t sure. It was part of what caused the disintegration of the relationship, his suspicions and her denials, although it wasn ‘ t the whole thing. Now that the relationship is over, he is left wondering if she had been lying the whole time. And that pisses him off.

So, if you have unanswered questions, that might be one reason why you are feeling angry after a breakup.

#2 – Things left unsaid.

Similar to unanswered questions, things being left unsaid can be a huge reason why we hold onto anger after a breakup.

I remember when I broke up with a guy I had been seeing for two years. It was a toxic relationship, and the only way that I could finally get away was by going ‘ ˜no contact ‘ and blocking him everywhere. We never had that ‘ ˜last talk, ‘ the talk where I could express the anger, frustration and disappointment that I was feeling. He knew that I felt those things, but I wasn ‘ t sure if he really understood.

I held onto my anger for a long time, longer than I should have, imagining the conversation that could have happened, but didn ‘ t.

#3 – Disappointment.

When we fall in love we are so excited. We have met someone who fits our needs in so many ways, and we dive in, sure that this time it ‘ s going to work out. And then it doesn ‘ t.

One of the reasons that we are angry is that we are disappointed. Disappointed in ourselves for the part that we played in the demise of the relationship, at our ex, for their part in the demise of the relationship, and that the relationship didn ‘ t work out the way we had hoped and dreamed it would.

Disappointment can breed deep anger. Life is so hard and when we are let down, it can be hard to let go of. Ironically, we tend to stay angriest at ourselves when we are disappointed – we tend to blame ourselves for not holding things together and for sabotaging our future happiness.

So, take stock. Are you disappointed in yourself, your ex or the loss of your dreams for the future? If yes, then that might be why you are still holding on to the anger.

#4 – Dating.

When I am talking to clients about initiating a breakup, the #1 reason they often don ‘ t want to break up with someone is because they don ‘ t want to start dating again.

The prospect of going back online, of having random conversations, and even more random dates, having to dress up and be charming and kiss a lot of frogs with no certainty that they will find the right person, is completely daunting. And it pisses them off.

If you are angry that you have to start dating again, I get it. It is exhausting. But I can promise you that, unless you put yourself out there in some way, you won ‘ t find the person you have been looking for.

And they are out there, waiting for you. I promise.

#5 – Other people ‘ s opinions.

Be honest. Are your friends trashing talking about your ex? Are they saying that he was never good enough for you? Is your mother saying that she never liked him, your dad saying that she wasn ‘ t pretty enough? Are your co-workers happy that you aren ‘ t dating her anymore because you are now free to go out with them after work?

Other people ‘ s opinions can play a very large part in why you are feeling angry after a break up, even if it was mutual.

People like to stoke fires, to create drama, to trash talk people who might have caused someone they love pain. As a result, they might say things that will rile you up a bit, that might make you question your ex ‘ s actions and motivations and the things that you did to encourage it.

Spending any time at all rehashing what happened can take you right down that anger trail, even if you know that the break-up was the best thing that could have happened to you.

So, stop listening to others who trash-mouth your ex or your relationship. Better yet, shut them down and move on.

Feeling angry after a breakup, even if it was mutual, is not unusual.

Emotions are interesting things and surprise us at every turn. Who would have thought that the emotion that manifested after a mutual break-up would be anger?

Do you have unanswered questions or things that were left unsaid? Are you disappointed that the relationship ended, and are your friends dissing you? Are you looking out into the world of dating with despair?

All of those things can lead to anger but know that the anger will pass. It will pass quicker if you take stock of the things that I discussed above, but it will, with time, fade into something that you don ‘ t have to think about any more.

Life will go on. And you will be happy. I promise!

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