8 Things To Try When Feeling Depressed And Lonely

/by

You know those days when you ‘ re feeling depressed and lonely?

Those days when you are full of despair and feeling hopeless? Those days where it feels like you just want to crawl into bed and never get out?

Are you having one of those days today?

Let me help you manage the depression and loneliness. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Assess the situation.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have. If you think you have situational depression, read on.

If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed and lonely, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Manage your thoughts.

Unfortunately, when you ‘ re feeling depressed and lonely, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all. You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4- Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone. Or rather three!

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

Furthermore, the dopamine that your body creates with the motion of exercise works to help alleviate your depression instantly.

So, get outside and get your heart rate up. It ‘ s a great way to manage feeling depressed and lonely.

#5 – Share your feelings.

Sharing your depression and loneliness with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your depression you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your depression and loneliness then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there your thoughts have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#6 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, both for your depression and your loneliness, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your sadness. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your sadness out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your feelings on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#7 – Find a friend.

I know. When you are feeling depressed and lonely one of the hardest things to do, ironically, is to get out of the house and spend time with people. Spending time with those who love you can lift your depression and loneliness big time, if only for a bit.

If the prospect of hanging with a group of friends is daunting, choose one friend. Perhaps the one who knows you best and can accept where you are right now emotionally. A friend who will put no pressure on you to ‘ ˜get over it ‘ or ‘ ˜suck it up. ‘ A friend who will laugh with you and be silly but who won ‘ t try to fix you.

So, pick up that phone right now and reach out to that person. Make a date and do it! I promise you that that time spent will help you when you are feeling depressed and lonely.

#8 – Talk to your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and lonely all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and lonely might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and loneliness so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed and lonely all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, spend time with one friend and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on its own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with feeling depressed and lonely.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

Feeling Depressed At Work: Is Your Job Making You Sick?

/by


Are you finding that you are feeling depressed at work? Are you finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning? Do you dread the idea of interacting with your co-workers? Is concentrating on your work increasingly difficult?

If you answered yes to any of my questions, or if the ideas at least seem familiar, then it could be that feeling depressed at work is a thing and that it could affect your health and your happiness.

How do you figure out if you are feeling depressed at work or it ‘ s something else? If it is about work, what part of work is it about or is it just the whole thing?

There are a few questions that you can ask yourself that will help you figure out what ‘ s going on.

#1 – What ‘ s happening outside of work?

The first thing to ask yourself is what is going on in your life outside of work.

Has something big happened in your life? A relationship break-up? The death of someone you were close to? Some kind of financial shift? Anything else that might cause you to be overly stressed out?

When we get depressed about one thing, our depression can spread to other areas of our life. It ‘ s like a tornado that starts small but captures everything up in its path and becomes increasingly damaging.

So, it is possible that there is something else going on in your life that is making you depressed but the depression shows up most during those long working hours because they might be stressful or boring.

#2 – Are you depressed when you aren ‘ t at work?

A big question to figure out whether you feeling depressed at work is really about the work is to ask yourself if you are feeling depressed outside of work.

Do you wake up on a Saturday morning feeling like you can take on the world? Are your Sunday mornings full of fun and good food and time with friends?

Do these good feelings carry over until Sunday night or Monday morning when you are filled with hopelessness and dread at the idea of going back to work?

If you are feeling depressed at work but feel otherwise fine about your life then it definitely is possible that work is in fact the source of your depression and that is something to take a good hard look at.

#3 – Do you get along with co-workers?

Ok, so you have figured out that your feeling depressed at work is about work and not about the big picture of your life. How do you figure out what it is about work so that you can to fix it?

A big part, for some people, of feeling depressed at work is that they don ‘ t get along with their co-workers, or even one co-worker in particular.

I have a client who loved her job and loved the people she worked with but her boss was not a nice guy. He would torment her regularly and she felt constantly in fear of losing her job. This conflict made her depressed about her job and everything else in her life.

In spite of the insecurity that she felt about her ability to do her job, an insecurity that was created by her boss being so hard on her, my client took the initiative to find a new job. She found a job very similar to the one she has before but with a boss who was kind and supportive. Her depression disappeared.

We spend a lot of time at work every week and a lot of time with our co-workers. If there are issues with some or all of our co-workers then it ‘ s important that we either try to work things out or get a new job.

Think about what you can do to change your relationships with co-workers if necessary. It could really help you manage your depression at work.

#4 – Do you like what you are doing?

Another part of feeling depressed at work is that you might not like what you are doing.

I remember when I was working front desk at a hotel I loved my job when it was busy but I hated it when the times were slow. I had to stand behind the desk, smile at people walking by but in general was bored and got in my head. As a result, I started feeling depressed about my job.

I loved my job, though, and didn ‘ t want to leave it so I set out to figure out what I could do to make my job less depressing during down times. I asked around and learned that I could help the concierge group with managing local information brochures. I would figure out what we needed, copy them and fold them. I know it doesn ‘ t seem like much but it was far better than just sitting there.

Once I found a task to do I was able to be happier at my job.

So, do you like your job? Does the prospect of doing what you are doing now for a the next few weeks or months fill you with dread or joy?

If you don ‘ t love what you are doing, see if you can change it, either by tweaking it where you are working now or finding something new!

#5 – Does the idea of a new job improve your mood?

Ok, pause a minute and think about what it would feel like if you had a new job.

If, when you woke up in the morning, you liked where you were going to spend the next 8 hours. If your co-workers were good and your commute was doable.

How would that feel? Does the thought give you a feeling of elation or a feeling of hopelessness?

If it ‘ s the first, it could be that it ‘ s your job that is making you depressed and a job change could change everything. If it ‘ s the second, I am guessing that you are depressed outside of your job and a job change won ‘ t make a difference.

Feeling depressed at work is something that is really hard to deal with because work takes up so much of our life.

There are some ways to tell if you are depressed because of work or if it ‘ s something else. These questions should help clarify for you.

If, after answering these questions, you see that you are not depressed because of work then it ‘ s important that you see your primary care doctor as soon as possible to see about treatment for your depression. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so do it now!

If the answers to your questions indicate that it is work that is making you depressed, make an effort to change it, either by adjusting your job where you work now or seeking a new one.

Life is too short to spend it being depressed. Make change now so that you can be happy.

Are you wondering if work is making you depressed?
Let me help, NOW, and before your depression overwhelms you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

5 Places To Find Inspiration When Feeling Depressed

/by


Are you feeling really down and looking to find inspiration when feeling depressed?

Does the world seem hopeless and do you feel helpless and would you do anything to feel just a little bit better?

Let me help!

Even if you might be feeling hopeless and full of despair, there are things out there in the world that will help you get through your day.

#1 – In the faces of those you love

I remember when my kids were little and I was depressed, the prospect of taking care of them seemed like too much to bear. And then they would smile. I would walk into their room in the morning and be greeted with the kind of smile kids saved for their mothers and it would melt my heart. It would also give me hope that my day, and my life, really was ok and that I could do this.

When we are depressed, being with those who love us is the best thing for us. Looking into the eyes of our mother or our sister or our friend and seeing love and compassion can fill us with the strength to move forward in spite of our depression

Spending time laughing and sharing with people you care about is the best medicine when we are feeling depressed. Who would your person be?

#2 – Out of doors.

An amazing place to find inspiration when feeling depressed is in the great outdoors.

I know that when I am feeling depressed getting out for a walk or a hike is the best thing that I can do. I put my ear buds in, turn up my music loud and walk hard. Or I walk slowly, taking notice of all of that is good out there in the natural world. I pause, sit in the sun and take stock of what is going on around me. There is something about noticing how the big and beautiful the world is that makes my problems seem small and less ugly.

A bonus of getting outside when you are feeling depressed is that you get more sunshine and sunshine, and the Vitamin D that you get from it, is an natural anti-depressant. Many people struggling with depression are Vitamin D deficient so spending time in the sun can remedy that.

What do you like to do outdoors? I know it might feel hard to motivate but get up off the couch right now and get out there. You will be glad you did!

#3 – Your favorite TV show

One of the best things to do when you are feeling depressed is to shut down your brain.

When we are depressed, our brains are our worst enemies. We spend time focusing on how sad we are, what losers we are, how we will never be happy again and how could someone possibly love us. And those thoughts just make everything worse.

What ‘ s the best way to shut down these thoughts? Mindless TV.

I know when I am depressed The Walking Dead is my go-to show. There is something about the end of the world that seems very cathartic to me. I have also learned that adrenaline is a natural antidepressant and I know that helps but I also know the characters well and are invested in their futures. Most of all, it takes my mind off of whatever it is I am stewing about that is bringing me down.

What show could you watch today? After you get yourself off the couch and take a walk that is.

#4 – Where you can make a difference

When I was going through my divorce and was terribly depressed I needed something to do to get out of the house so I decided to do some volunteer work.

Every week I would spend 4 hours working at the food pantry, helping register new customers. Talking to people who needed free food was so helpful for my depression because interacting with these people, listening to their stories and helping them get what they needed made me feel really good. I knew that I was making a difference in someone ‘ s life and that felt really good.

Is there somewhere you can do some volunteer work? The opportunities are endless – animal shelters, libraries, food pantries, hospitals. Get yourself out there making a difference in the world and you will feel your depression lift, if only for a while.

#5 – By taking stock

When I am sitting outside in the grass after taking my fast or slow walk, I like to take stock of all that is good in my life. Instead of running through all of the negatives I review, and write down, all that is good in my life. I have my kids, my boyfriend, my kitty, my home, my life coaching business and much more. Looking at my list helps me manage the hopelessness that is my constant companion when I am depressed.

Another thing that I do, because sometimes it ‘ s hard to take stock when I am feeling down, is that, when I am feeling good, I make a list of all of the things that are good in my life so that I can access it when I am feeling down. When the depression hits, I pull out my list and remember all of the things that make my life worth living and that helps manage my depression in a big way.

What is good in your life? I know it might seem hard to access right now but dig deep. Can you name 3 things? I bet you can!

Finding inspiration when feeling depressed is an excellent way to manage your depression, at least for the short term.

Finding little things that can help you feel better in the moment might really help you pull yourself out of your depression.

That being said, it ‘ s important to remember that, if your depression doesn ‘ t go away or seems to get worse, it is essential that you see your primary care doctor to figure out how to treat it. Managing depression on your own isn ‘ t always possible and the longer it goes untreated the worse it will get.

In the meantime, spend time with friends, get outdoors and take stock of all that is good in your life, do good for others and veg out in front of the TV (but only after your walk).

Depression can be debilitating and good for you for trying to figure out ways to manage it. You are one step closer to having it under control so that you can live your best life!

Are you really how to move forward while feeling depressed?
Let me help, NOW, before it’s too late!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

Why Letting Go of a Past Love Is Important for Future Happiness

/by


Are you really struggling with letting go of a past love? Are you sure that your ex was the only person for you and that you could never possibly be happy again?

I get it! The pain that you are in now is pain that is intense and feels like it will never end.

But it can! If you want it to.

If you are determined and ready to take the next steps and work on letting go of a past love, you will give yourself a chance at true love and happiness.

Is that hard to imagine that it ‘ s possible? Let me tell you why ‘ ¦

#1 – You will know what you want.

For many of us, the time after we have broken up with someone we loved is a time of real reflection.

Whether we did the breaking up or were broken up with, one way to manage pain is to take a good hard look at what happened and what we really want.

What have you learned from your past love?

Over the course of my post-divorce dating years I fell in love many times. None of them lasted, for a variety of reasons. And while I was at times broken hearted, with every break up I learned more and more about what I wanted.

I wanted someone who could make me feel special, who was smart and funny and honest, who had a great relationship with this family and who knew who he was. As I let go of each of these men, I was able to take another step towards knowing myself and what I wanted in the world – and thereby find true happiness.

#2 – You can focus on what ‘ s in front of you.

Have you tried dating since your break up? Has it been an unmitigated disaster because you can ‘ t help but think about your ex and everything that you have lost?

Are you given great new career opportunities or the chance to travel and you don ‘ t take them because you are too focused on your broken heart and maybe getting your lover back?

Are your friends there to go dancing but you can ‘ t join them because you are wallowing?

Letting go of a past love, in spite of the pain and the lost hopes, will allow you to lift your head and focus on the opportunities for happiness that are put in front of you.

If you don ‘ t, you will be destined to be miserable. And life is too short to be miserable.

#3 – You will stop comparing.

When we are in a new relationship and we have not yet been able to let go of an old one, it is very difficult to stop yourself from comparing the two.

If your new guy isn ‘ t as funny as your old, you will hold that against him, even if he is funny in his own way. If the sex isn ‘ t as good, you could shut down instead of giving it a chance to improve, as sex lives often do. If he doesn ‘ t make as much money as your old guy you might think he isn ‘ t good enough for you, completely ignoring that he knows who he is because he does work that feels good.

Another thing that happens with people who struggle with letting go of a past love is that we hold on to our ‘ ˜issues. ‘ Our ‘ ˜baggage. ‘

If we were lied to by our ex, we are always worried that our new person will lie to us. If your old guy ignored you when you were at parties, you will stress out if your new person leaves your side even for a minute.

Letting go of a past love allows us to also let go of the damage that they did to us. And if we can do so, we will have a much better chance at future happiness, both in love and life!

#4 – You will no longer suffer.

Imagine if you no longer suffered with the pain that you are suffering with right now.

Imagine how good it would feel to get up in the morning and not get that stab of pain when you remember that you are alone.

Imagine going out with friends, not always hoping that you might see your guy, only to be disappointed if you don ‘ t.

Letting go of a past love will help alleviate that pain. If we can let go of the hopes and dreams, of the thousand little cuts and the things that made us so unhappy, then we will stop suffering and open ourselves up to the possibility of happiness.

If pain is your constant companion, happiness will be elusive. So, work hard to let go and move on, move on towards the life of your dreams.

#5 – You can truly let someone in.

Many of my clients jump right back into dating after a break up. And while I encourage people to date again when they are ready, I don ‘ t encourage them to quickly fall back in love.

Trying to give yourself to someone when you are still attached to another is almost impossible. If your heart belongs to someone else, letting another person in, allowing them to truly love you, is a fruitless effort.

You can try to fake it til you make it but ultimately you are doing both of you a disservice, wasting time that could be spent healing.

Imagine how it would feel to truly love and be loved again. To have someone make you feel like the world was yours for the taking, who would stand by you through thick and thin and who would support you in everything you do.

You can have that, and more, if you are successful at letting go of a past love. I promise.

Letting go of a past love might seem simply impossible in this moment. But you can do it!

Being inspired to get the life that you want, one where pain is not your constant companion, where you know what you want, where you won ‘ t compare and you can let someone in is the best way to get started on the hard work of letting go of a love that wasn ‘ t serving you.

If you can do that – if you can beat the pain and move forward, then you can, and will, live happily ever after!

I know it. I have been there!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really need to let go of someone who doesn’t love you.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you get even more stuck.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

How to Keep Moving on When You’re Feeling Depressed

/by


Has your life gotten to that place where you ‘ re feeling depressed all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and hopeless is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to keep moving on when you ‘ re feeling depressed and like you always will be.

#1 – Assess the situation.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to youeven if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depressionhere is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don ‘ t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. First off: take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). Also, do yoga. Watch The Walking Dead. Take a bath. Go to the movies. Have sex. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren ‘ t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Keep your mind active.

Unfortunately, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren ‘ t good at anything. You will never find love. You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn ‘ t go there.

It is really important, when you ‘ re feeling depressed, to keep your brain busy. Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don ‘ t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when you ‘ re feeling depressed is your environment. Your bed and your pjs might feel like the right thing to do but you know now they are not.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed and anxious. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren ‘ t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn ‘ t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn ‘ t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn ‘ t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Talk to your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed and anxious all of the time, then it ‘ s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don ‘ t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won ‘ t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that ‘ s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you ‘ re feeling depressed all of the time it ‘ s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on its own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!

Is your depression threatening to make a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How to Stop Hurting after a Breakup

/by


Are you wondering how to stop hurting after a breakup?

Have you worked hard to get out of a relationship that wasn ‘ t serving you? Are you feeling overwhelmed by emotion and the empty space that is the result letting go of your love?

Or were you walked out on and struggling to understand why and get past it?

You are not alone. Getting past a break up is hard but not impossible.

Here are some things that you can do that can really help.

#1 – Take stock.

One of the first thing I tell all of my clients, when they have to walk away from someone they love, is to take stock of the reasons that their relationship wasn ‘ t working. Make a list – a list of all of the reasons why they needed to walk away from that person or the things that they knew weren ‘ t working, the reasons why they might have been broken up with.

When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede into our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.

And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is causing us pain.

So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that has caused the breakup. Keep that list close and refer to it when you are missing him. And keep the list in case he comes back, begging for forgiveness.

You left this relationship for a reason. Keep that reason in mind daily going forward. He left this relationship for a reason – make him work to get your back. A list will help you with both.

#2 – Go cold turkey.

There is nothing more tempting, when you are missing your lost love, then to stalk him or her.

Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on a lost love – social media has made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a lost love makes it really hard to let go and move on.

I know that it doesn ‘ t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peak at your lost love ‘ s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don ‘ t want to see. Perhaps him out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tail spin.

So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don ‘ t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again.

You will be glad you did.

#3 – Make yourself a priority.

Ok, so you are single again and you suddenly find yourself with lots of free time. And you might also find yourself craving a lot of ice cream.

Now is not the time to sit around, watching Netflix and eating ice cream. While those things might be fun in the moment, in the long run they will only make you feel worse.

The best thing that you can do for yourself right now is to exercise and take care of yourself. When you are going through a hard time, the number one thing that can make you feel better is the endorphins that are created through exercise. Those chemicals will actually make you feel very different from the sad and lonely person you might feel like right now.

Furthermore, if you get enough sleep and eat well, your body will feel strong and it will help with your healing.

And, best of all, taking care of yourself will make you look hot, way hotter than you might look if you only indulged in Netflix and ice cream. And looking good is an excellent way to win your break up. Imagine the look on his face when he sees you next!

So, again, this is the time to take care of yourself. Don ‘ t let yourself fall apart. The pulling yourself back together will be so much more difficult if you do.

#4 – Do something big.

Another thing to do with all of that free time is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don ‘ t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.

A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn ‘ t commit to her. She was devastated. I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing.

In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.

My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.

What is it that you have always wanted to do? Pick one thing and start doing it. You have the time. Life is short. Don ‘ t waste it!

#5 – Reconnect with old friends ‘ ¦and make new ones.

For many of us, relationships mean that we disconnected with people who might previously have been a big part of our lives. None of us do it intentionally, or with malice, but it does happen. And those friends are still out there.

Make an effort to reach out to those friends, the friends who knew you ‘ ˜before. ‘ They will be happy to have you back and happy to support you getting through this time.

Also, now is a great time to make new friends. I have a client who is using Bumble BFF, an app for women to connect with other women,to find some new friends, ones who are single and want to get out and do things like she does. She has connected with some amazing women in just a few weeks.

People are a great way to get you through a tough time. And you have lots of people. Reach out and find them again.

Knowing how to stop hurting after a breakup is an essential way to get past it.

Having a plan is always the best course of action, I believe, much better than TV and junk food and hours spent dreading the future.

So, now that you have read this article, get up off the couch. Get a notebook and make a list of all of the reasons that you broke up with your guy. Keep it close. Block your guy on your phone and on every social media platform you are connect on. Get out there and exercise. Do somethings that you have always wanted to do. Reconnect with old friends. Fill your calendar with things that will make you happy and disconnect from the guy you had to let go.

I know it doesn ‘ t seem possible but life does not end with a break up. Rather, it begins again. It is up to you to take advantage of this new beginning and make the most of your life.

You can do it! It will be worth it! I promise ‘ ¦

Are you worried that you will never get past your break up?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets the best of you!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

Feeling Depressed All The Time? How To Know When It’s Time To Ask For Help

/by


Are you feeling depressed all the time?

Are you really sad, not yourself and not enjoying your life?

Your friends are telling you that it will pass. To snap out of it. But you are wondering if you can. You are wondering if maybe it ‘ s time to ask for help.

I know when I was struggling with undiagnosed depression there were indicators that it was time to get help. I didn ‘ t see them at the time but there are indicators that I have learned, as a life coach and as a formerly depressed person, to spot.

#1 – Can you get out of bed or off the couch?

If you are feeling depressed all the time and find it really difficult to rouse yourself, then it might be time to get help.

How much time do you spend on the couch or in bed? You aren’t necessarily tired but the prospect of getting up is just too daunting to face. So, perhaps you stay horizontal all day, watching Netflix and feeling like a loser.

This habit is a significant indicator of depression. People who have been diagnosed with depression tell of the great lengths they go to stay out of bed. Of stripping the sheets, taking the mattress off of the box spring and leaning it against the wall, locking the bedroom door. Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed and wallowing in their depression.

If you are finding yourself horizontal more often than not, it ‘ s definitely time to get help!

#2 -Do you no longer love the things you love?

Have you lost interest in doing the things that you have always loved?

Does the idea of going to school or seeing friends or going out to dinner just seem like too much to bear?

People who are depressed isolate themselves. The energy that it takes to get out of bed and interact with others is overwhelming. So, they don’t.

Ironically, going out and doing the things that you love is a great way to alleviate depression temporarily. Unfortunately, the treatment can often seem too daunting to undertake and so people who are depressed just stay home.

If you find yourself isolating and dreading doing the things that used to make you happy then it just might be time to get help1

#3 -Do you have overwhelming feelings of hopelessness and dread?

Do you spend much of your time running all sorts of negative thoughts through your head about how horrible your life is? What a loser you are and how no one will ever love you? Are you 100% confident that this will never change?

Does the idea of going for a run or talking to your mother or spending time with your partner just feel impossible because you feel so worthless?

People who are depressed believe that all of those negative thoughts that run through their head. Unfortunately, they also believe, falsely, that it will always be this way!

What many depressed people don ‘ t realize is that, when one is depressed, future things can only seem hopeless. Why? Because, when one ‘ s mind is in such a dark place, it ‘ s impossible to believe that the future will be any different than it is now.

The good news is that once the depression is addressed that feeling of hopelessness can disappear completely!

So, if you are feeling depressed all the time and full of hopelessness and dread, get some help!

#4 – Are you are impatient with those you love?

Do you find yourself losing your patience with those you love? Do you scream at your kids if their homework doesn’t get done? Do you sneer at your husband if he asks you what is wrong? Can you not even talk to your mom anymore because her incessant questioning is just too much?

Impatience with those you love is a huge indicator of depression. The sense of the hopelessness that our condition will never change and that we are worthless makes it intolerable for us to interact with others, particularly those who love us and want the best for us.

Ironically, it is that love exactly that we need most in our life when we suffer from depression. Pushing that love away ultimately can make the depression worse.

So, reach out to your doctor if your impatience and irritability are getting the best of you and effecting your life!

#5 – Have your sleep habits and/or appetites changed?

Have you found that recently your appetite has changed? Do you find yourself indulging more than usual in Ben and Jerry ‘ s and Oreos? Or do you find that you have no taste for food at all? Have you lost weight and find yourself listless because you aren’t eating?

Do you find that you can ‘ t sleep at all, that your nights are long and filled with thoughts of hopelessness and dread?

Or do you find yourself sleeping too much? Is the only relief that you get from your depression through sleep?

Changes in eating and sleeping patterns can indicate depression. When depression goes untreated we often self-medicate with food, often to one extreme or another. Which is not healthy and can make the depression worse.

Or course, eating and sleeping well is an important part of dealing with depression. And failing to do so only makes the feelings of hopelessness and despair worse.

If you are feeling depressed all the time then it ‘ s time to get treated.

Untreated depression only gets worse.

Unfortunately, we hate to admit to being depressed because our loved ones, and society as a whole, tend to stigmatize those with depression.

So, ask yourself if you have any of the symptoms above. Are you listless and full of hopelessness? Is the joy in your life gone? Are you impatient and irritable and have your sleep patterns changed?

If you any of these are true, seek professional help immediately. Call your primary care provider and tell her exactly how you have been feeling, using this article as a reference if you like.

Treating depression is easy. Living with it is not.

Is your depression threatening to make a mess of your life?
Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship Can Save Your Life

/by


Are you struggling with letting of a toxic relationship and are you looking for another reason to do so?

Leaving any relationship, even a toxic one, is very difficult. Our friends and family encourage us to do so, and perhaps we recognize that we should, but sometimes it ‘ s hard to take that final step. We cast about for reasons, hoping there will be one that is the final nail in the coffin, the thing that gives us the strength to leave.

Well, how about I give you 5 of them. 5 reasons why letting go of a toxic relationship can save your life.

#1 – Your body will get strong.

Did you know that the day in day out stress of a toxic relationship can take a huge toll on your body?

Have you noticed that your head aches a lot, your tummy is often hurts, that you have pains in your shoulders or your back that you don ‘ t remember having before?

Being in a toxic relationship can have a significant effect on our physical health. The everyday stress caused by the bad relationship is so damaging to our systems because we never have a break from it. Even when we aren ‘ t with our partner, our minds are preoccupied with the relationship and our bodies are holding the pain.

Imagine if you woke up in the morning, feeling strong, your head clear, your stomach ready for a big breakfast, ready and willing to take on the world. How amazing would that be?

Letting go of a toxic relationship can give you physical strength, strength that just might save your life.

#2 – Your mind will heal.

Do spend much, or all, of your time struggling with worries about your life and your relationship? Do you struggle with feelings of hopelessness and dread? Do you wonder if it will ever be possible to be happy again?

If those words describe you at all then you could very well be struggling with anxiety and depression, two things that have the power to rock your world and not in a good way.

People who live with anxiety are plagued with worries about what is, what was and what could be. They obsess about all the things that are wrong with their life and their relationship and this makes it hard to focus on anything else.

People who live with depression are constantly plagued with feelings of hopelessness and dread. They struggle with how horrible their lives are every day and they can ‘ t believe that things could ever be different.

If you are struggling with anxiety and/or depression, struggles that you didn ‘ t have before your present relationship, then letting of a toxic relationship is the very best thing that you can do for you mental health and it just might save your life.

#3 – You will have yourself back.

Do you look in the mirror some days and wonder who that person looking back at you is?

Have your months or years being in a toxic relationship sucked the life out of you?

Are you struggling to believe in yourself, in your ability to make it on your own?

Many people who are in a toxic relationship have been worn down by the anger and the sadness and the unkind words, worn down to the point where their self-confidence is shattered and they no longer believe in themselves.

Imagine no longer feeling that way. Imagine no longer being that person who has been worn down so much that they don ‘ t believe they are worthy. Imagine, instead, being a person who is full of self-confidence, who looks at themselves in the mirror and sees someone they know is worthy, worthy of life and love and happiness.

How good would that feel?

#4 – You will renew connections.

Many people who are in toxic relationships find that, one by one, their connections fall away.

This happens for two reasons. The first is that, often, people who are in toxic relationships are forced to cut off contact with those who care about them because their partner feels threatened and is possessive. Instead of having friends and family to turn to, they find themselves alienated and alone.

What also happens is that we lose friends and family because they get sick of us making the same mistakes over and over, of listening to us complain and not make change, of watching us destroy our lives, one day at a time, over someone who makes us miserable. Slowly, one by one, they move away from us until we find ourselves alone.

Imagine a life that is full of love and connection. A life full of friends and family and happiness in shared experiences. A life where we wake up every day, eager for new experiences and lots of laughter.

Letting go of a toxic relationship so that you can regain your friends and family just might very well save your life because a life without love and connection is a very unhealthy one indeed.

#5 – You will find love again.

One thing that I can promise you is that, no matter what, if you stay in your toxic relationship you will not find love again.

Out there waiting for you, somewhere, is a person who will treat you well, who will make you feel important, who will love you and cherish you and with whom you will truly be happy.

Staying in this relationship, a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you, will only ensure that you will stay miserable and you will never have a chance to have the big love that you have always wanted.

And the presence, or absence, of love in our life is one of the most important keys to keeping us healthy and making life worth living.

Letting go of a toxic relationship can be incredibly difficult.

We hold on to the person who we hope they can be or because of how things were in the beginning or because of the belief that we don ‘ t want give up. Ironically, thinking all of those things, is only hurting us.

Imagine a life where you feel physically healthy, your mind is clear, you feel good about yourself and you are surrounded by love and joy.

You can have that – if you are willing to let go of a relationship that is sucking the life out of you every day.

You can do it! I know you can!

Is holding onto toxic love keeping you from finding your true love?
Let me help, NOW, before too much time goes by!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

How To Manage Feeling Depressed After A Breakup

/by

Are you feeling depressed after a breakup?

Were you in a relationship that end recently and, whether you wanted it or not, do you find yourself alone now and feeling depressed, hopeless that you will never be happy again?

Let me tell you that you aren ‘ t alone – that there are many women out there RIGHT NOW feeling the way you do. And the good news – you will all feel better soon. I promise!

How? Let me share what I know ‘ ¦.

#1 – Know that your feelings are normal.

You have just broken up with someone you once were deeply connected to. The hopes and dreams that you had for the future have been completely dashed. You are spending time alone that you used to spend with him. Your life is totally different and, honestly, not so great.

You are going to be sad. You are going to be devastated. And it ‘ s okay.

I remember, less than 12 hours after my mother died, my step-father was telling himself to snap out of it, to not be sad. He couldn ‘ t handle the pain that he was feeling. So, he stuffed it down. And, 4 years later, he is still overwhelmed by his loss.

It is important to be okay with the emotions that you are feeling. It isn ‘ t a reflection of any weakness on your part. It ‘ s a reflection of the pain that you are feeling. And it is important that you feel those feelings. That you feel the pain and the sadness and the regret and whatever emotions arise as a result of the break up.

Only by truly feeling and processing emotions are you able to work through them and let them go.

So, embrace your emotions. Own them as your own. Process them and let them go. If you do so, you will be able to let go feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#2 – Put yourself first.

One of the reasons that it ‘ s so hard to get over feeling depressed after a breakup is because when we are feeling depressed we stop taking care of ourselves.

Are you spending large amounts of time in your pjs, eating ice cream? When you do go out are you drinking more than usual? Are you not sleeping? Have you gotten any kind of exercise in recent memory?

If you have answered yes to any of these questions then you are not alone. I don ‘ t know many women who doesn ‘ t treat emotional issues with ice cream instead of marathons. So, don ‘ t feel bad but do try to make some change.

If you can ‘ t sleep, take some melatonin to help you get some. If you are eating ice cream, try to eat just a little bit less. Try to get off the couch and take a walk.

Taking care of yourself in this rough time is an essential piece of getting over feeling depressed after letting go of love.

#3- Embrace things that bring you joy.

I am someone who struggles with depression every day and one of the key things that I do when I am depressed is make sure that I do things that I know make me happy on good days.

What kind of things? I watch movies. I eat Pad Thai. I have sex. I spend time with my kids.

There is factual evidence that doing things that make you happy, that make you smile, actually help to alleviate depression. The actual act of smiling has been proven to change the chemicals firing in your brain, the ones that are causing the depression.

So, what makes you happy? I know that you are feeling depressed and the idea of doing ANYTHING is too much to bear but get up off the couch and do JUST ONE THING that you enjoy doing. See what happens.

#4 – No stalking.

For some reason, when we are going through a break-up, we can ‘ t resist the temptation to stalk our guy on social media. The temptation to see what he is up to, who he is hanging out with, who he might be seeing is just too much to resist.

When you do it, does it make you feel better? I didn ‘ t think so.

One of the most important parts of getting over feeling depressed after a breakup is to remove yourself completely from anything to do with your ex. Block him on your phone. Disconnect from him on Facebook, Instagram, etc. Don ‘ t talk to your friends about what he is doing.

Instead, pretend like he just doesn ‘ t exist. Pretend that he is a guy you used to know who has disappeared off the face of the earth. The less you think and know about your ex, the easier it will be for you to get over him.

#5 – Don ‘ t give up.

I know. I know. The prospect of getting back into another relationship is the last thing that you want to do. To give of yourself to someone else when you still have love for another person.

And that is fair. But it ‘ s also important that you don ‘ t stop living your life. You only have one life and it ‘ s short.

So, if someone from work invites you out for a drink, do it! Go to the movies with friends. If you are invited to a party, go to it. Put yourself back out in the world and into the path of love. You will meet new people, have new experiences and maybe find yourself another person to call your own.

If you stay home, on the couch, watching The Bachelor, eating ice cream you might feel safe and less vulnerable, but you will also stay depressed because you have stopped living your life and you just won ‘ t feel good about yourself.

Put yourself out there. Live your life. You will be glad you did.

Feeling depressed after a breakup is horrible feeling.

What we want more than anything is to move on and stop the pain NOW.

Unfortunately, it most often isn ‘ t possible because grief, and the depression that accompanies it, is usually the first part of the healing process. Luckily, grief is only the first step and that there is hope for your future.

So, embrace your grief, feel it and release it. Take care of yourself, do things that make you happy, stay off social media and get yourself out there.

When you are ready, sooner than later I hope, you can let go of your love and reach out for a new one – yourself.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

 

Can You Let Go Of Love And Still Find Happiness?

/by

Are you thinking about getting out of a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you and are you wondering if you can let of love and still find happiness?

It ‘ s a scary thing – letting go of someone. You have invested so much time and energy into the relationship and letting go feels like quitting. There is the intense fear that you will never find love again and the prospect of being alone is petrifying.

But I am here to tell you that you can let go of love and still find happiness.

I did.

8 years ago, I got divorced. I was 46 years old and I had been married for 18 years. I was so scared of my unknown future and wondered if I could find happiness. Here is my story.

#1 – No more thousand little cuts.

One of the first things that I discovered after my husband moved out what how much happier I was on a daily basis.

Every day of my marriage involved some kind of misery. Whether it be him having his 3rddrink after dinner and becoming crabby or me jumping on him for leaving his clothes on the floor AGAIN, we were making each other miserable every single day.

Once I was living alone that stopped happening. I would wake up in the morning and go through a day that wasn ‘ t mired with a thousand little cuts. When I crawled into bed I wasn ‘ t angry and bitter but content with how my day had gone.

And, I would get a good night sleep because no one was next to me snoring.

So, at the very least, know that your daily life will improve if you are no longer in a relationship that is making you unhappy.

#2 – No more being a pretzel.

When I was in my miserable relationship I found myself twisting myself into someone who I wasn ‘ t, hoping to make us happier and keep us married. These contortions made me feel inauthentic and damaged my self-esteem.

Have you ever found yourself putting up with behavior that is not okay just to keep the peace? Do you bend over backwards to do things that will make him happy? Have you given up friends in an attempt to save your relationship?

Twisting ourselves into a pretzel for someone else is not a healthy thing. In order to maintain our sense of self-worth it is important that we do things that make us feel good about ourselves and our place in the world.

When my husband was gone, I was free to truly be myself and, man oh man, did that make me happy.

#3 – Living your own authentic life.

When I was married, I was a wife and a mother. My every day was filled with mundane tasks like keeping the house clean and making dinner. I defined myself as such and it kept me from living my own life.

After my divorce all of that changed. I finally had the freedom to do everything that I had always wanted to do.

I went back to school and got certified as a life coach and I started my own life coaching business, making a difference in the world. I volunteered at the National Alliance of Mental Illness, helping people living with mental illness. I worked at a food bank and volunteered at a hospital.

Every day I woke up and my day was what I wanted it be. And as a result, I started feeling really good about myself. No longer was I being the subject of daily pain or struggling with not being myself. My self-esteem went through the roof and I started to realize that I could do whatever I set my mind to.

How good would it feel to have your life be what you want it to be every day?

#4 – Having grand adventures.

One of the best parts of being alone, for me, was the opportunity to have amazing new life experiences, ones that were so different from those I had had during the time I was married.

I climbed Mt Katahdin in Maine and hiked for 15 days in Peru. I take my kids to the Caribbean every year for Christmas and have 5 glorious, cell phone free days with them.

I started dating and had amazing non-marriage sex and met a bunch of great guys, many of whom I am still friends with.

I sold my big house in Vermont and moved into a 200 sq foot apartment in NYC where every day was an adventure.

I was 46 years old and I was authentically living my life again. I felt truly alive and was getting to know myself in a way that I never had before. What a gift.

#5 – Finding true love.

I spent 6 years dating after my divorce. I enjoyed almost every date (but did walk out on one) and had many amazing boyfriends. One took me hiking in Moab. I road-tripped with one to Telluride and with another to help hurricane victims in Louisiana. I capsized a sailboat with one of my favorite guys on Lake Champlain and later test drove $80,000 Audis just for fun.

But, the best guy I met, on Match.com, was a person who has become one of my closest friends and the person who introduced me to the love of my life.

I was brutally unhappy in my marriage but determined to stick it out because I didn ‘ t want to get divorced and, when it ended, I was devastated. But, if it hadn ‘ t ended, I wouldn ‘ t be living the glorious life that I am with a man who loves and values me, who doesn ‘ t cause me little bits of pain every day, who I laugh and have adventures with and who knows who he is and loves who we are.

I want to assure you that, if you can let go of a love that isn ‘ t serving you, you will find love again. I can also promise you that, if you stay with this person who is making you miserable, you definitely won ‘ t.

I hope that my story has answered whether you can you let go of love and still find happiness.

I have this little game I play when standing in line at the grocery store. I look at the faces of the women in line and try to judge, based on their facial expressions, those women who are in an unhappy relationship and those who aren ‘ t. It ‘ s very easy to tell, believe it or not, especially now that I look in the mirror every day and know what a happy woman looks like.

So, believe that you can find happiness if you are strong enough to walk away from a relationship that isn ‘ t serving you. I am living proof and you can be too!

Go for it!

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be struggling with end of a relationship.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before the pain overwhelms you.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

Connect with Mitzi

© Copyright 2024 – Let Your Dreams Begin