How To Stop Feeling Depressed At Night: 7 Tips That Really Work

Are you struggling with depression and wondering how to stop feeling depressed at night?

Depression is horrible and, for some reason, it seems to get worse at night. There is something about the sun going down and the silence settling in that makes our depression seem more profound. How exciting is it that daylight savings time is here and the nights are getting shorter!

I have lived with depression for years and have some tips to share with you today that will definitely help you manage your nighttime depression.

For me, there are two separate times of the night that need to be managed: the evening hours before bed and then the time during the night when I wake up. I have tips for both times of the night because they are a little bit different to deal with, I believe.

What to do in the evening, before bed:

#1 – Keep your mind busy.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep your mind busy during the evening hours.

The thing about nighttime is that we often don’t have enough to do so our brains, instead of being productive, go down the path towards all the things that are wrong in our life which then leads to, and deepens, our depression. It’s important to stop your thoughts from going down that path before they even start.

Things like reading, watching your favorite show on Netflix and talking or texting with a friend are all things that will keep your mind busy during the night and away from all of the negative self-talk.

I would definite encourage you to stay off social media if you are feeling depressed. Sometimes social media makes you feel more connected to the world, but, more often than not, social media can make you feel isolated and less than. So, text away with a friend but spending hours on Snap Chat or Instagram will not serve you well.

#2 – Do things that comfort you.

An important part of managing how to stop feeling depressed at night is to do things that comfort you.

For me, a cup of tea and a hot bath go a long way towards making me feel loved and comforted. I also have a weighted blanket that I curl up under when I watch TV. Something about the weight on your body has been clinically proven to make a big difference with people who are struggling with depression and anxiety.

What are things that would comfort you at night? Take stock of those things now, by the light of day, so you can have them at the ready.

Ice cream and sugar are things many people turn to but I would encourage you to stay away from those things at night because they could interfere with your sleep. If you must have sugar, the earlier in the evening the better.

#3 – Journal.

If you find that you have not been able to stop those negative thoughts in their tracks, a good thing to do if you’re feeling depressed at night is to journal.

There’s something about getting those negative thoughts out of your head and onto paper that makes them easier to manage. Sometimes when we see our thoughts written out on paper they become less powerful because we can see them more clearly.

If you don’t have an official journal, that’s okay. You can just get a notebook and write things down or, if you want to, you can use your computer. I find that using a pen and paper is the most effective for me.

#4 – Know that the morning will come.

An important part of how to stop feeling depressed at night is to keep in mind that, no matter what, the morning and the sunshine will come.

Sometimes, that nighttime depression makes us think that we will never get through the night, that we will never see the light of day. That our depression will overwhelm us and the night will never end.

But night has never not turned to day. And with day, comes work and friends and activities and sunshine. Even if it continues, depression can seem not so heavy during the light of day.

What to do if you wake up in the middle of the night:

#1 – Don’t lay there ruminating.

If you wake up in the middle of the night and find that your depression comes roaring back because all of your negative thoughts wake up with you, a really important thing to do is to not lie there, ruminating.

Instead, pick up your book or a magazine, but not your phone, to distract your mind from those thoughts. They say that reading for 20 minutes if you wake up increases your chances of falling back asleep than if you just lie there working yourself up, thinking about things.

So, keep some reading material next to your bed so if you wake up at night you don’t spend those precious sleep hours in your head.

You’ll be much better able to face the next day if you get enough sleep and that will in turn will help you manage your depression.

#2 – Use a calming app.

There are lots of calming apps out there now that can help ease your anxiety and depression during the nighttime. They use meditation, music, words of affirmation and other means to help your body and mind stay calm at night.

My favorite is Calm but I know there are others. Do some looking and see what works for you.

#3 – Know that the morning will come.

Again, when we are lying awake at night it’s often hard to believe that the long night hours will ever end. But if there’s one thing you can believe, always, it’s that the sun will rise.

So, don’t sink into the darkness of the night. Have hope that tomorrow will come and, with it, another day.

Good for you for getting ahead of your depression and trying to figure out how to stop feeling depressed at night.

Nighttime depression can be completely debilitating but managing it is not impossible.

In the evening hours, make an effort to keep your mind occupied, give yourself comfort, write out your words and have hope for tomorrow. Overnight, again try to keep your mind from sabotaging you and use those apps to help you get back to sleep.

If you are struggling with depression and these tips don’t help, I would definitely encourage you to reach out to your primary care doctor to talk to them about more ways to manage your depression. It’s important to stay on top of it so that it doesn’t get worse.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with night time depression?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before the pain gets to be too much!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What Kind of Woman Never Gives Up On Her Dreams?

What kind of woman never gives up on her dreams? That is a question that I get asked all the time.

In my many years as a life coach, I have worked with all sorts of women. They all come to me looking for help through difficult times and some of them have more success than others.

When I look back at those who have made it through those difficult times, I can see 5 personality traits all women who never give up have in common.

So what kind of woman never gives up?

# 1 – She is self-confident.

Without exception, the kind of woman who never gives up is self-confident.

Women who are self-confident know who they are in the world, know what they’re capable of and have life experience that shows them that they can do what they need to do if they try hard enough.

Ironically, many women build self-confidence as they successfully navigate their difficult times. One of my clients was deserted by her husband, leaving her alone and feeling worthless. While she worked hard to get her life back, she developed a steely self-confidence because she knew she was going through hell and back and was prevailing.

Self-confidence is a key part of knowing that you have resilience and that you will be okay.

#2 – She is determined.

Women who never give up on their dreams are determined. Always.

Picture yourself running a marathon. You reach mile 13 and you say to yourself I will never be able to do this. A woman who has no resilience would pull over to the side of the road and drink the proffered lemonade, happy enough that they have made it as far as they did.

A woman who is resilient would never give up. They would run until the end of that race no matter what kind of pain and suffering they experienced. They would be so determined to finish what they started that they would make it happen.

If you aren’t determined to finish what you start, to reach a goal or to get through a difficult period, you’ll never be able to do it. Before you start on your journey, ask yourself how determined you are. That level of determination will be a measure of your potential for success.

#3 – She is flexible.

A woman who never gives up is a woman who is flexible. A woman who believes that their way is the right way or the only course of action is a woman who will be stymied in their journey to get through difficult times.

I remember when I was getting a divorce I was determined that I would find love again as soon as possible. I joined Match.com and started dating every eligible man I encountered.

Surprise, surprise. I didn’t find love. Instead, I was extremely frustrated at the lack a connection I had with these men. Rather than continuing on my initial course of action, finding love immediately, I decided to turn attention away from finding love towards building my business instead.

To my surprise, building my business did more to get me through those hard times than finding love ever would have.

If I hadn’t been flexible in my perspective, and instead stayed on my original course, I might never have been resilient enough to get through those dark times.

#4 – She is persistently hopeful.

There is something about that woman who is persistently hopeful. They believe that, the matter what, everything is going to turn out fine. Someone who is persistently hopeful is someone who can be sometimes very annoying, especially when we are struggling.

A woman who is persistently hopeful, however, is someone who never gives up. No matter what obstacles are placed in front of them, they believe that everything will be okay. They know, deep in their heart, that they can get through difficult times and out the other side intact.

If you aren’t a persistently hopeful person consider developing this personality trait. If you truly believe that everything will work out in the end then it most likely will.

#5 – She is resourceful.

Resourcefulness is a key part of never giving up.

Women who are resourceful have a plan. Women who are resourceful have resources they can tap into to make things happen. Women who are resourceful know people who can help them on their journey. Women who are resourceful are people who know, no matter what obstacles present themselves, they will figure out a way to get around them.

I always ask my clients what kind of tools they already having their toolbox to help them deal with difficult times. Who can support them? What kind of books can they read? What kind of experiences have they had in the past that they can draw from that might be helpful in the situation?

When you are going through difficult times, and you need resilience more than anything, look around at the resources you have available to you to help you move forward and be successful.

In my experience, women who never give up share common personality traits.

They have self-confidence, determination, flexibility, persistent hopefulness and resourcefulness. They use those personality traits every day to get them through difficult times

Fortunately, all of these personality traits are ones that you can develop with consciousness and action. When you are going through dark times, dig deep and find your self-confidence. Set out to be determined always and be flexible when necessary. Always keep an eye out for that person or thing who can help you on your journey and know that it’s all going to be okay.

Be the kind of woman who never gives up on their dreams and, really, everything will be okay!

I promise.

Are you struggling with never giving up, no matter what?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before giving up feels like the only option!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Why Are Boundaries Important In Marriage?

Are you newly married and are you wondering why are boundaries important in marriage?

Do you have no idea what marriage boundaries are or where to start?

Fortunately, I have helped many couples establish and stick to boundaries in their marriage. Let me help you!

To understand healthy marriage boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together.  They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it’s where you live your life.

Healthy marriage boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your marriage as it matures. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy marriage boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it’s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy marriage.

#1 – Be yourself always.

For many people, when they are married, they become less of themselves.

Many people, men and women take on their spouse’s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all people stay themselves when in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your marriage will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. A healthy marriage requires it.

#2 – Let go of rigidity and be flexible.

I have a client whose new husband moved into a house that she already owned. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn’t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase “My way or the highway?” That phrase has no place in any healthy marriage.

So, embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

#3 – Maintain mutual respect.

One of the biggest romance killers in a marriage is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘familiarity breeds contempt’ is an accurate one and something that happens in many marriages over the years.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other’s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it’s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven’t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn’t do our relationship any good because we weren’t communicating and giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So, make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#4 – Keep the power dynamic even.

In many marriages it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when power dynamics are unequal, a marriage can change.

Make an effort to keep the decision making even in your marriage. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your marriage’s playing field become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#5 – Know that time apart is okay.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder?” It’s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can’t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It’s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So, spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

Wondering why are boundaries important in marriage is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Marriages are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So, don’t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your marriage to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with setting boundaries in your marriage?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before problems start!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

How To Know If Surviving Infidelity Without Counseling Is Possible For You

Have you discovered that your partner has been cheating? Do you hope nonetheless for a reconciliation? Are you wondering if surviving infidelity without counseling is possible?

The betrayal of a loved one can be devastating but it doesn’t have to be the end of a relationship or the death of your happy life. There are ways to deal with it and survive it without counseling but it will take a lot of presence of mind, life skills and determination.

Let me walk you through how surviving infidelity without counseling is possible.

#1 – Is the other person completely out of the picture.

A very important piece of surviving infidelity and keeping your relationship intact is whether or not the other person is completely out of the picture.

Working on a marriage when the other person is still around is literally impossible. Your partner and their lover are connected in a deep way. If you have been told that they are ‘now just friends’ or they don’t ‘see’ each other anymore but still talk, then that person is NOT out of the picture.

If the other person isn’t out of the picture you and your partner will fail in any attempts to regain loving feelings about each other because you will always be suspicious and feel less loved and your partner will stay emotionally connected to the person who was their lover.

So, the first step in all of this is ensuring the other person is gone. Only once that is the case can you proceed to the next steps.

#2 – Do you genuinely want it to work?

Your partner has done the unimaginable – they have fooled around on you. They have betrayed the commitment you have made to each other. They have broken your heart.

So, let me ask you this – do you still want to be in a relationship with this person?

This is a key part of surviving infidelity without counseling. If you aren’t determined to make this work, if every fiber of your being knows that, if possible, you would like to get your relationship back, then any efforts to save it will be futile.

Being determined doesn’t guarantee success but, without out it, you are doomed to failure.

#3 – Can you still communicate with each other?

If you and you partner are still able to communicate with each other then surviving infidelity without counseling is definitely possible.

Communication is the most important tool for fixing what is broken. You will need to communicate how you are feeling and your partner will need to communicate how they got to the place where infidelity was even an option.

You will need to work together to identify issues in your relationship and make a concrete plan to work on those issues together.  You will need to understand each other’s wants and needs and be committed to making change.

The only way to do that effectively is by being able to communicate clearly with each other – to speak and listen and make sure each other are heard and understood.

#4 – Can you let go of the anger?

Your partner has fooled around on you and of course you are ANGRY. Who wouldn’t be? But can you let go of it and move on?

If you are holding onto anger, anger at yourself for your naiveté, anger at your partner for their wandering hands, then working on surviving infidelity without counseling will be impossible. Your anger will interfere with your communication, your anger will interfere with wanting to make things work, your anger will cloud your emotions so that you can’t think clearly.

If you are still angry with your partner, and the situation, take some time to work through that anger and let it go. Once you have been able to let it go then you will be able to start working with your partner to get through the mess.

I know letting go of anger is easier said than done but it is possible!

#5 – Can you forgive?

This final piece is really important – can you forgive your partner?

Forgiveness is a key part of surviving infidelity. Again, you have been betrayed. Do you have the ability to accept and understand the where and why it happened and not hold it over your partner’s head going forward?

It is possible to forgive even if it’s not possible to forget. It might take some time to get there but if you can do so then you have a real chance at saving your relationship and living the rest of your lives together happily.

So, take some time. Do some reading about forgiveness, what it means and how to get there. See if you can forgive your partner and move on.

Surviving infidelity without counseling might seem impossible. But it isn’t.

Every day, many couples come back from the betrayal of infidelity and live happy lives together

If the other person is out of the picture, if you can still communicate, if you have determination, if you aren’t stuck in anger and can forgive, then you have a good chance of being able to get past this and move on.

Of course, if you try to work on your relationship without counseling and fail, it is still possible to take that next step and get some professional help to get you through it. Therapists and life coaches are trained in helping people move past difficult situations and sometimes expert help is just what you need to take that next step.

Good luck with this next period in your life. You can do it!!

If you’ve made it this far you must really be struggling with surviving infidelity.

Let me help get you there, NOW, before you lose your relationship.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Tips For Letting Go Of Love With Love For Yourself

Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?

Has all the reading that you’ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you’ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?

It’s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.

So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?

#1 – Do things that comfort you.

When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.

When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.

One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.

That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.

I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.

From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.

By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.

#2 – Do things that make you feel good.

Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.

Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.

A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There’s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.

#3 – Spend time with those who love you.

When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.

Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.

A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.

Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.

Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.

So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that’s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.

#4 – Accomplish something.

Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.

Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job

But I didn’t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.

Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn’t want to be with me was missing out.

What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it’s time to take that step. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.

#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.

Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.

I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.

My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I’m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.

I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.

Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.

It’s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON’T.

Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.

I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

What To Do When You’re Feeling Depressed, Isolated And Lost

Has your life gotten to that place where you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time?

Are you feeling hopeless, alone and full of dread and worried about what the future will hold?

If you are, I am so sorry. Being depressed and feeling alone is a horrible place to be!

Fortunately, there are things you can do to stop feeling depressed, isolated and lost all the time.

#1 – Figure out the why.

There are two kinds of depression, situational and chemical. They have similar symptoms but different causes. Knowing what kind of depression you have is the first step to dealing with it.

Situational depression is caused by something that happens in your life. When something big happens that makes you sad, like the death of a parent or a divorce or the loss of a job, you can become situationally depressed. This kind of depression usually has a beginning, caused by a specific event, and an end, and is often treated differently from chemical depression.

Chemical depression is the result your brain chemistry being off in such a way that leads to depression. You are most often born with chemical depression but it can also by caused by a traumatic life event.

Chemical depression can happen to you even if your life is going great.

So, ask yourself some questions about what your life looks like these days to help you figure out what kind of depression you might have.

If you think you have situational depression, read on. If you think you have chemical depression here is an article for you to read to learn more about next steps.

#2 – Do what makes you feel good.

When we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our inclination is to collapse into our life. We stay in bed, we don’t shower or eat well and cut off contact with those we love.

Let me tell you: if you are feeling depressed, collapsing is absolutely the worst thing that you can do. Instead, it is important to do things that make you feel good.

For me, I keep a list of things to do when I am feeling depressed. 1. Take a long, hard walk (the endorphins are great for my depression). 2. Do yoga. 3. Watch The Walking Dead. 4. Take a bath. 5. Go to the movies. 6. Have sex. 7. Eat Pad Thai. When I am depressed I do one, or all, of those things and my depression is often lifted.

So, what makes you happy? Write out a list, when you aren’t depressed, of what makes you happy so that when you are depressed you are ready.

#3 – Occupy your mind.

Unfortunately, when we are feeling depressed, isolated and lost, our worst enemy is that brain of ours.

While we are lying on the couch feeling sorry for ourselves, our brain is actively buying into it all.

You are a loser, it says. You have no friends. You aren’t good at anything. You will never find love.  You suck at your job. And on and on.

And, chances are, that none of those things are true. That you are not a loser, you have plenty of friends, you are talented, love is out there and your boss thinks you are doing great. But your brain, when you are depressed, just doesn’t go there.

It is really important, when you are feeling depressed and isolated, to keep your brain busy.  Yoga is a really good way to do this – you are so busy trying to figure out the damn pose that you don’t have a chance to think about anything. It also has the side benefit of toning your body and making you feel strong, which can be helpful.

Other options for keeping your mind quiet are: reading, going to a movie, hanging out with friends, working. Meditation is also an option but I just get more depressed when I try, and fail, to meditate. If you can do it, go for it!

What do you like to do that will help you quiet that mind of yours, the mind that is feeding into those feelings that are bringing you down? Figure it out and do it!

#4 – Choose your playmates carefully.

One of the most important things to manage when we are depressed is our environment. In your bed and your pjs on might feel the most comfortable but they might not be the best option for getting better.

The same attention needs to be paid to who you spend time with when you are feeling depressed. If there are people in your life who bring you down then avoiding them when you aren’t doing well is very important.

My mother was very difficult to spend time with when I was depressed. She was always trying to talk me out of my depression by pretending that it didn’t exist or telling me to just snap out of it. Both of those things just made me feel worse. So, I avoided her when I wasn’t doing well. It was best for both of us.

Consider who you shouldn’t spend time with when you are depressed and avoid them. On the same note, think about who would be a good person to be with and make a date with them right now!

#5 – Call your doctor.

If everything else fails and still you find yourself feeling depressed, isolated and lost, then it’s time to call your primary care doctor.

Feeling consistently depressed and anxious might indicate some serious health problems and getting a complete check-up from your doctor could be really important.

Your doctor can take a look at all aspects of your life and help you come up with a plan for managing your depression and anxiety so that they don’t get worse. Which they will do if they are left untreated and allowed to persist.

Remember, your doctor won’t judge. There are lots of people who feel just like you do every day and that’s what doctors are there for – to help us all.

If you are feeling depressed, isolated and lost it’s important that you do something about it and do something about it now!

Do a quick assessment of your life and try to figure out what kind of depression you might have. Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, keep your brain busy, control who you spend time with and, if necessary, see your doctor.

Depression can go away on it’s own if properly managed but will get worse if left untreated. So, try the things that I recommended above but always pay attention to how you are doing. If you are getting worse and not better, get help!

You can do it!


If you have ready this far you must really be struggling with depression?


Let me help, NOW, before it gets out of control!


Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

Why Your Guy Says He Doesn’t Love You But Keeps Coming Back

Do you have a guy who says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back?

Does he tell you that it’s over and walk out only to return a few days or weeks later, smiling and charming?

Is this happening over and over, leaving you confused and unhappy?

This tendency, to declare that you don’t love someone but to be unable to stay away, is known as yo-yoing. And, in spite of it’s playful name, yo-yoing can be devastating and confusing. 

Yo-yoing is when a person thinks that they no longer want to be with somebody, and they declare it, but have a hard time staying away. This leads the person on the other end not knowing what the hell is going on and being left in limbo.

So, why does your guy do this? Let me tell you.

#1 – He gets lonely.

It is the human condition to want to be part of a pair. Being alone is, for many of us, not a comfortable place.

If your guy tells you that he doesn’t love you and no longer wants to be with you but keeps coming back then it is possible that he is simply lonely.

He knows that he doesn’t want to be with you but, because he is unable to fill the space that is left in your absence, he keeps coming back so that he won’t be alone.

And you probably let him come back because you aren’t enjoying being alone either.

So, if your guy keeps coming back, it could very well be not because of you but because he doesn’t want to be alone.

#2 – He is insecure.

A guy who says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back is a guy who is most likely very insecure.

A guy who is insecure is not clear in his decisions. He says he doesn’t love you but he then wavers, wondering if he’s made the right choice. He could come back hoping that things could be different.. He is constantly second guessing himself and pulling you into it.

Guys who are secure are more definitive in their decisions and more apt to follow through on them. The guy who is secure will make his decision and move on.

Furthermore, a guy who keeps yo-yoing you could be a guy who feels insecure with his place in the world. Not being in a couple could make him feel unsafe and unwanted. The idea of trying to find another person to date might be just too overwhelming and, as a result, he comes back to you, hoping to make it work so that he can feel better about himself.

Is your guy insecure? If yes, that could be a big reason why he keeps coming back.

#3 – He wants to have sex.

This will be no surprise to any of you – guys want, no need, to have sex.

When your guy says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back he could very well be coming back just for the sex.

I have a client who wanted a divorce from his wife and he moved out. In spite of this, he regularly had sex with her. I asked him why and he said ‘Why would I not take any opportunity to have sex?’ This man is a good guy but he just didn’t understand that, for women, sex is about connection and having sex with her was signal that he might be coming back to her. Once he understood that having sex with her was leading her to believe they had a chance, he stopped doing so. He wasn’t happy to be going without sex but he knew that he didn’t want to lead her on.

So, when your guy reappears, does he do so for sex? Think about it.

#4 – He can’t break the habit of you.

One thing that’s very interesting about breakups is that one of the reason they are so difficult to stick to is because of the habits that we have created in our relationships.

By habits I mean those things that you do together regularly. Maybe it’s Wednesday night movies, or Saturday trips to museums or lunch time meetings at the sushi place. These are things do you guys enjoyed doing together. When you are no longer together, those spaces and time are left empty and might be difficult to fill.

So, if your guy keeps coming back, it might be because he can’t break those habits. Because they have been so ingrained in the fabric of his life that he doesn’t want to let them go.

#5 – He wants to work things out.

Of course, sometimes guys come back because they genuinely want to work things out. He generally wants to make a life with you. And when that happens, and you want to work things out too, I encourage you to greet him with open arms. And caution.

It is important, if your guy comes back because he wants to work things out, that you guys talk about what went wrong in your relationship. That you both completely understand any issues that might have developed over time and that you make a plan, together, to do things differently.

You can stop the yo-yoing by doing things differently. History repeats itself over and over until we take steps to make change. Take a good hard look at your relationship, see what went wrong and work together to make those things right.

You can do it.

When your guy says he doesn’t love you but keeps coming back it can almost be worse than him disappearing altogether.

If your guy disappears from your life, it’s easier to get over him and to move on but if he keeps showing up at your door with his handsome face you’ll just get sucked back in and the pain will continue.

So, take a good look at what happens when your guy comes back. Is he doing it because he feels lonely or because he can’t break the habit or he because just wants to get laid? Is he feeling insecure about his place in the world and needs you to help him feel better about himself? Or perhaps he really genuinely wants to try to work it out.

Ask these questions before you open that door. Knowing the answers, and acting on them, could prevent a whole lot of pain.

If you are still reading you must have a guy who is yo-yoing you big time.

Let me help you figure it out, NOW, before he messes with you any more.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started.

5 Strategies For Surviving The Guilt Of Infidelity

Have you recently had an affair, or perhaps are you in the middle of one? If you are I know you’re struggling, looking for ideas for surviving the guilt of infidelity.

I have had many clients who have had affairs and, while from the outside they might seem sexy and exciting, from the inside they’re scary, overwhelming and fraught with guilt. That’s not to say the sex isn’t good but the guilt that comes with having an affair can sometimes be more than you can bear.

Fortunately, I have many clients who have been able to let go of the guilt they struggle with. Let me help you do the same.

#1 – Accept that you are human.

One thing that we all forget about is that we are only human.

We are raised to think that we are special, that we are different, that we can handle things that other people can’t. And while to some extent this might be true, because everybody IS different, the truth of the matter is that we are all only human and we make mistakes.

People who have affairs are People who are often not happy with their lives. More likely than not, people who have affairs are struggling both in their personal lives and in their relationships. They don’t feel good about themselves and/or they are struggling to find happiness with their partner.

It’s a horrible, horrible place to be and, if you are in that place, what I suggest is that you cut yourself some slack. You are only human. You are going to make mistakes. 

You are a person in the world, one trying to manage the insecurity and unhappiness in your life in a way that allows you to survive. Some people drink too much, some people eat too much, some people drive their cars too fast and some people have affairs.

You are not alone in the world. Plenty of other people are having affairs right now and feeling the same sort of guilt you are. So, let yourself off the hook, know that you are a good person but that you have made a bad choice.

We all make bad choices sometimes and none of us should be forever condemned for it.

#2 – Recognize that it’s not all your fault.

I know you think that this affair is all your fault. You are the one who met someone else, developed a connection with that person and perhaps embarked down the road to a sexual relationship. Yes, you did that.

But you didn’t do it in a void. As I stated above, people who are having affairs are often people who are deeply unhappy in their relationship. And they aren’t the only person in that relationship.

Relationships are comprised of two people and two people are responsible when relationships start to suffer. Perhaps your husband works all the time and you are lonely. Or perhaps your wife has become detached and refuses to talk to you. You feel like you’ve tried to fix things but you haven’t had much success.

Most people don’t intend to have affairs. They just happen. And they happen when people are vulnerable. All of my clients who have had affairs are people who were in a relationship that wasn’t working and it wasn’t working because the TWO people in the relationship were not willing, or able, to repair it. And then infidelity can happen.

Yesterday, I was talking to a client of mine who carries a tremendous amount of guilt about an affair he had and I asked him to think about why he had an affair. What was going on in his relationship that gave him the space to have an affair? He responded by saying ‘Nothing. My wife is perfect and the affair was all my fault.’ I pushed back and we dug a little deeper and we realized that she repeatedly did things that made him feel insecure about himself and that led him to move towards someone who thought he was amazing.

So, please try to understand that your affair is not all your fault. Understanding that will help you manage the guilt that you are struggling with.

#3 – Get some help.

For many people who have had affairs, the prospect of reaching out to get some professional help is unthinkable.

People who have had affairs are racked with guilt and self-loathing and to admit what they have done just seems more then they can bear.

I can promise you that therapists, psychologists and life coaches have seen it all and will absolutely not judge you if you disclose that you’re having an affair. I can promise you that they will look at you with understanding and be able to help you do the work that needs be done to help you manage your guilt.

Another source of excellent help are others who have also survived infidelity. Only people who have experienced infidelity can really understand what it’s all about. Having someone who has been through it can help you understand and manage your emotions in a way that will help you let it go.

Find a support group for people who have survived infidelity. The sharing could change your life.

Please, reach out today. Don’t go through this alone.

#4 – Stop fooling around.

The key piece of surviving the guilt of infidelity is to stop being unfaithful.

You can use all the techniques that I have described above and they will help you manage your guilt but they won’t help you let it go completely.

The only way to stop truly feeling guilty about having an affair is to stop having one.

I know, I know. That’s way easier said than done. But it is possible and doing so is the best thing that you can do to stop that guilt cold in it tracks.

#5 – Rebuild your relationship.

Rebuilding your relationship after having affair might seem like an impossible thing to do, and it just might be, but if you can do it successfully you have the best chance of surviving the guilt of infidelity.

Think about when you are doing a project and you make a big mistake and everything goes wrong but in the end the project is successful. It’s the same thing with a marriage that has been rocked by infidelity. The rocking doesn’t have to cause the ship to sink. If you can manage the rock and keep the relationship afloat and moving forward then all’s well that ends well.

Imagine how good it would feel to be back in your relationship, safe, solid and happy.

Right now, surviving the guilt of infidelity might seem impossible but it doesn’t have to be.

I know for days, weeks, months or perhaps longer you have been racked with the guilt of what you are doing but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Recognize that you are only human, know that it’s not all your fault, get yourself some help, end your affair and work to rebuild your relationship.

If you can do these things then you will survive the guilt of your transgression and might even end up in a better relationship as a result. How great would that be?

Get started now. You can do it!

If you have read this far you must be really struggling with your guilt.

Let me help you, NOW, before it becomes just too much to bear.

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started.

What to Say When You Are Depressed & Someone Asks How You Are

You know that moment when you are depressed and you are out in the world because you have to be, even if you’d rather be at home under the covers, that moment when someone, known or unknown, asks how you are?

And you think yourself : Well, how the hell do I answer that question?

The answer to that question is not a clear one but there are different ways to answer, depending on what you feel like you can handle and what you need. The goal when we are feeling depressed is to make sure that we are doing and asking for what WE need, not trying to please other people who might be pushing us to let them help us. 

So, if you someone asks you how you are, let your answer reflect what you need in the moment.

Here are a few suggestions:

#1 – I’m fine.

Just because someone asks you how you are, that doesn’t mean you need to spill your guts to them. Feeling anything other than fine is not something that you have to share with someone you don’t feel comfortable sharing with.

For me, when I’m depressed and my mother calls to ask how I am, I always say I’m fine. I just don’t want to get into it with her. I know that having a conversation with my mother about my depression will be all about her trying to talk me out of it. And that is never helpful.

In other words, it’s okay to not always be honest about how you’re feeling. It is important, however, that if you’re not going to be honest, you are then willing to ‘walk the walk’ of feeling fine for as long as you’re with that person. Telling my mother that I am fine and then sulking around the house is just a lose-lose situation for both of us.

#2 – I’m really struggling.

Should you choose to be honest about your feelings then I would suggest being as simple and straightforward as you can. Telling someone that you’re really struggling, with or without a reason why, might be exactly what you need to say.

For many of us, just having someone acknowledge how we feel in the moment can help us alleviate our bad feelings. I think this is especially the case with our men. I know that if my man asks me how I am and I admit to him that I am feeling sad and he knowledges it, without trying to fix it, I always feel just a little bit better.

I also know that if I tell them I’m fine, and I’m not, everything gets way worse, fast.

So, even if you don’t feel like getting into it, telling someone you’re struggling might be just what you need in the moment.

#3 – I am depressed. 

Admitting that you are depressed might be the answer that works for you. Talking to someone about your depression might be exactly what you need.

But remember, by sharing what is going on, you might be inviting the other person to feel like they need to fix you.

For many people, when faced with somebody who is struggling, they want to fix them right away, to make them feel better. Nobody likes to see anybody suffer and we feel like if we can help someone, we will all feel better.

So, be prepared to talk about what’s wrong if you share with someone what’s going on. That person might try, and fail, to help you and that just might put you in a worse place. But, at the same time, they could say exactly what you need to hear. It’s a bit of a risk, sharing deeply, but the rewards can be substantial.

#4 – I am depressed and I appreciate your asking but I need to take care of myself right now.

With this answer, you’re sharing with the questioner that you are feeling depressed but you are not inviting them to help you. You are acknowledging that they care, which is important, but you’re being clear with them that you don’t need them to fix you.

For many of us who are struggling with depression, we know when we are ready to start receiving help. At first, the feelings can be so deep that anything that anybody says to us seems authentic and doesn’t help. 

If you’re clear with someone that they can’t help you YET, you will not only not be forced to sit through something that might make it worse but you will also let your friend off the hook for trying to fix something that’s not yet fixable.

I know when I’m feeling depressed I try to stay away from people because I don’t want to be confronted with the How are you? question until I am ready.

But life goes on, no matter how we’re feeling, and sometimes we just need to interact with people.

When that is the case, do what you need to do to take care of yourself. If you need help, ask for it. If you don’t want help, keep your cards close to your chest. When you are ready you can show them.

The best way for you to start feeling better is to take care of yourself, to recognize your needs and not worry about the needs of others. If you can do that, you’ll be well on your way down the road to getting better.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your depression.

Let me help, NOW, before it gets worse!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

Why Making Peace With Your Ex Is The Doorway To A Happier Life

If you had told me a few years back that making peace with your ex was even possible I would have laughed in your face.

My husband left me six years ago for his college girlfriend. We had been married for 20 years and one day he decided that he was just done. Or, rather, that he had found a replacement.

Suddenly, I wasn’t a wife and my kids were off at school so I no longer felt like a mother. I felt like my life was over. I was devastated. And I was very, very angry.

It has taken me a long time to get past the anger I have felt for my ex but I can say that I am so very glad that I was able to do so. Because I was able to do it, my life has become much better place.

How?

#1 – It improved my physical health.

One of the reasons that making peace with your ex is the way to a happier life is because when you can let go of a grudge you become a much healthier person.

People who hold on to grudges, who are chronically angry, are constantly in fight or flight mode. Fight or flight mode results in numerous functional bodily changes including increased heart rate and blood pressure and heightened immune response. Those changes, then, can increase the risk of depression, heart disease and diabetes, among other conditions.

For me, the anger I felt for my ex definitely made my depression worse. My stomach hurt all the time and I lost tons of weight because I wasn’t eating. I contracted Bell’s palsy, a condition that paralyzed the left side of my face. I stopped sleeping and moved around like a zombie.

When my physical conditions started getting so extreme I realized that it was time to let go of the anger. My mother was angry with my father, her ex-husband, for 30 years and she died very young of pancreatic cancer. I didn’t want to end up like her.

So, if you find that the anger you feel is interfering with your physical health, work on letting it go so that you can move on and get healthy.

#2 – It allowed me to feel better about myself.

When my husband left me for another woman, he left me feeling like I was the biggest loser in the world. If he didn’t want me, the person who said he would want me forever, then who would?

I would spend hours at a time obsessing about what he and his woman were doing. Little things would go wrong and I would scream and yell, much like a child would. Whenever my ex and his girlfriend spent time with my kids, I would get so angry and jealous that I would curl up into a little ball and cry.

For quite a while I stumbled around, trying to find my place in the world, being held back by the anger that I felt for him. I tried to build a life for myself and find a new job but I just couldn’t push past my depression and anger and make it happen.

It was only once I let go of my anger and worked on making peace with my ex that I was able to start feeling okay about myself again. I didn’t feel like such a loser. I was able to get off my butt, start a business, start eating well and making new friends. My self-esteem slowly rebuilt itself to where it is today, somewhat off the charts.

#3 – It was great for my kids. And my friends.

If you have children with your ex, making peace with him will be the biggest gift that you can give them.

When their parents split, the matter what age they are, children are confused, angry and hurt. I know that the anger that I felt for my kids’ father wasn’t healthy for any of us.

My son refused to talk about anything his father was doing and my daughter tended to over-share, somewhat perversely trying to make me feel better. Neither of those things were good for any of us, particularly for them.

I know that since I have made peace with their father, my kids are so much more willing to share with both of their parents their comings and goings. And this, more than anything, makes me happy.

Even if you don’t have kids, I can promise you that your friends will agree that making peace with your ex is a wonderful thing, if only so that they don’t have to listen to you talk about him anymore. They want to support you, always, but they most likely hate him and want him just to disappear.

#4 – It stopped me from obsessing about the past.

For many of us, we spend more time thinking about the past then we do thinking about our future. And constantly looking in the rearview mirror isn’t good for anybody.

We all live with regrets, with obsessions about what we did wrong, about the messes we made and the things we could have done differently. Spending so much time doing that takes us away from creating a new and better future for ourselves.

I am here to tell you that the past is in the past and there’s nothing we can do to change it. All we can do is to look at what we did, what we experienced, identify what we might have done differently and take that knowledge with us into the future. Being hard on ourselves for past behavior does us no good; it only makes us feel worse.

Once I started looking to the future, and not to the past, I was able to create a clear path for myself, a path that included the business that I wanted to build, the person who I wanted to be in the world and the love I wanted to find.

Instead of wasting time looking backwards, I moved to NYC, built myself a life coaching website, started speaking in public about life and love, started working with people living with mental illness and got out into the dating world.

So, stop wasting time obssessing about things you cannot change and start focusing on things that you can.

#5 – It allowed me to find TRUE LOVE.

When I was able to stop living in the past and start visualizing a future for myself, I knew that making peace with my ex was the best thing that I ever did.

I no longer spent all my time thinking about what happened in my marriage but instead I was able to think clearly about what I wanted for love in my future. I was able to think about what kind of man would be the right man for me. I was able to recognize that I deserved to be with the kind of man who would take care of me and treat me well. I was able to take the steps that I needed to take to find that love.

And guess what? I was able to find him. I found him because my head was up and I was keeping my eyes open instead of always looking inside at what was wrong with me. I found him. The love of my life. I never would’ve found him if I was still really angry with my ex. That I know.

Where is your true love? Could he be just around the corner? Keep your head up and your eyes open, focused on now and on the future, so you can spot him when he appears.

Making peace with your ex might seem impossible right now. And perhaps it is. But making peace with your ex as soon as you can will only make your life a better place.

Holding on to anger and resentment is very bad for your mental and physical health. It keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-loathing. It’s bad for your relationships with your children and your friends. It keeps you from moving forward and finding true love.

So, do what you need to do to work on making peace with your ex. Working with a life coach, like me, someone who’s been through it all and who has helped many women do it themselves is an excellent place to start.

You can do this. It might be hard but it will be worth i


If you have read this far you must really want to make peace with your ex.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start TODAY and build better life for yourself!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!