5 Ways to Cultivate An Iron Clad Self-Esteem

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Dictionary.com defines self esteem as ‘ a realistic respect for or a favorable impression of oneself. ‘ Sounds easy enough, right? Unfortunately, not so much.

Many of us live with a self-esteem that does not serve us. We don ‘ t believe that we are all that. That we are beautiful or kind or smart or thoughtful or successful or worthy. Instead, many of us believe that we will never amount to much in this world and we question whether we will ever succeed at anything, be it at love, at work or at getting healthy.

Tragically, our self-esteem gets destroyed by a lifetime of experiences, negative experiences that gradually eat away at the healthy self-esteem we are born with.

Fortunately, there are ways to rebuild your self-esteem. Rebuild it stronger than ever so that you are not afraid to take on the world and make your world what you want it to be.

#1 – Get out of that relationship that doesn ‘ t serve you.

Are you in a relationship with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way? Does your partner make you feel less than for not making your bed or for how you dress? Do they go out and do things with their friends and leave you alone, lonely? Do they refuse to talk about your feelings when you need them most?

If you are with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself GET OUT.

I have a client who is at a turning point in her life and she needs some time by herself to figure things out. She still loves her man and she has tried to explain to him what she has been thinking. Not only does he not get it and not support her but he also told her that she is ‘ out of her mind. ‘

And how did she react? She believed him. Because her self-esteem told her that he was right and that the way he was treating her was what she deserved.

I begged to disagree and worked with her as she distanced herself from the relationship. She set out doing her work, building her self-esteem, and eventually she was able to see clearly what she really deserved in a relationship – someone who respected and cherished her.

Not the man who told her she was ‘ out of her mind. ‘

So ditch any partner who doesn ‘ t make you feel 100%. There are plenty of people out there who can and will help you feel great!

#2 – Accomplish something BIG.

There is no better way to build a steely self-esteem than setting a goal and reaching it.

Now is the time to think of something that you have always wanted to accomplish and make it happen.

My client who was trying to find her place in the world had always longed to have a health and wellness program at her farm. She had grand ideas but had a hard time getting started on making the program happen. Working together with me, we created a step-by-step plan for her to have a Wellness Weekend at her farm. She reached out to a friend whose expertise complemented hers and together they worked to create a weekend retreat for 10 women, one where they learned about health and wellness and self care.

How did my client feel after accomplishing her goal? Like a million bucks. Not only did she inspire 10 women to live healthier lives but by taking the actions necessary to make her dreams come to fruition she knew that she could take on the world and conquer it.

Kind of like a superhero, right? Unvanquishable!

#3 – Get your swagger on.

I have a friend who always says that he loves it when I get my ‘ swagger on. ‘ I, like everyone else, have periods of time when I don ‘ t feel so good about myself and I have learned that the best way to get through those times quickly is to make doing what makes me feel good a priority.

I always try to eat well, get enough sleep, walk and do yoga every day. By doing so my body feels strong and healthy and my mind relatively clear. For me, the next step to making myself feel good is to encase that strong body in a tight pair of jeans, put on some cowboys boots and take myself out onto the streets of New York City. Getting my swagger on.

What gets your swagger on? Is it having your hair done every month? Power walking in the afternoon while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack? Reading every book on the NYT bestseller list?

Whatever it takes to make you feel like you can step out of your front door and walk down the street with a bit of swagger.

Your self-esteem is built on swagger.

#4 – Give of yourself to others.

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, can help build an iron clad self-esteem more than doing something for someone else. Truly, nothing.

When I was going through my divorce my self-esteem was at it’s lowest. On the advice of a friend I started volunteering weekly at the local food bank. Four hours a week of helping other people get food to eat, for themselves and their families, made me feel so good. And not because I felt lucky because I wasn ‘ t in their position but because I knew that I had made a substantial, positive difference in their lives. It made my heart sing.

Many of us don ‘ t have time to volunteer but we can make a difference in other ways. Hold the door open for someone, buy that homeless person sitting outside the grocery store a sandwich, reach out to a friend you know is going through a hard time, give up your seat on the subway.

There is nothing like being on the receiving end of a smile of gratitude to wake up your self-esteem. And once it ‘ s awake it will be hungry for more.

So try it. Reach out and make a difference in someone ‘ s life today

#5 – Spend time with those who love you.

You know those people who have known you forever and who love you completely and totally, no matter how many times you have screwed up and disappointed them. Yes, those people. Those people are the people who you want to spend time with.

My client who was trying to find herself and whose boyfriend wasn ‘ t being supportive was really struggling to find the strength to do what she needed to do. She was prepared to settle back into the life she had. It wasn ‘ t perfect but it was good enough. Right?

Lucky for her, one of her oldest friends was in town and a dinner was arranged for the two of them and a third member of their mommy posse. It was exactly what she needed.

Her friends did not hesitate to remind her of how awesome she was. They pointed to specific examples of where she had succeeded in the past, how loved and supported she was by others, how important she was to the world. By loving and supporting her so completely they gave steel to her self-esteem, allowing it to remind her that there was nothing that she couldn ‘ t do because she had done it before.

Your posse is your self-esteem ‘ s best friend!

When we are born we are gifted with the belief that we can do anything. Without it we might never learn to walk or talk or read or sing or love. Unfortunately, life experience can gradually rip our self-esteem to shreds.

Luckily, YOU can rebuild it. Rebuild it so that it ‘ s bigger and stronger than it ever was before. Spend time only with those who love you, take care of yourself and others and make something BIG happen. Your self-esteem will be iron clad in no time.

You can do it! We both know you can!

Need more help rebuilding your self-esteem? Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let me help.

3 Reasons Why He Won’t Change – Even If He Wants To

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I have a client who is in a new relationship. She loves her man but has some very real hesitations. The most notable one is that she feels like he doesn ‘ t make her a priority. She feels taken for granted and certainly not cherished. She has told him that she feels this way, hoping for change. And, in spite of his assertions that he loves her, it just doesn ‘ t happen.

Why, you wonder, can ‘ t her boyfriend, who loves her, change his behavior? Because of a very frustrating, but very real, thing known as resistance.

Resistance is a trait found in all of us ‘ ¦a trait that makes us hesitant to do anything that might bring about change. Even if it ‘ s for the better.

Resistance makes us want to put the brakes on and never release them.

Resistance is something we often aren ‘ t even aware of but it affects almost every decision we make.

Resistance can end great things before they even start.

So why won’t he make the change you want him to?

#1 – Fear of Change.

Resistance is based on the fear of change. And people are really, really afraid of change.

When faced with the idea of change most people ‘ s reactions are ‘ Things are just fine this way. Why would I want to do anything differently? ‘

Resistance to change in love can have a devastating effect. There are two people in a relationship and two peoples whose needs need to be met. When one person asks for something different the other person needs to consider if they are willing to adapt to keep the relationship moving forward.

And that is the key. Adaptation. If one person needs something different then a conversation needs to be had.

My client expressed her needs very clearly. She knew that he heard what she said and he even said that he would try to put her first. But he didn ‘ t. Or couldn ‘ t. And it hurt her.

The best way to overcome fear of change is communication. Talk to each other. Compromise. Make each other a priority.

#2 – Fear of Ability.

The second piece of resistance is one ‘ s fear of the ability to do what someone asks. Does the person being asked fear that they will not be able to do what is being asked of them?

That can be paralyzing.

Perhaps my client ‘ s beau didn ‘ t know if he was capable of making her a priority. Perhaps he knew that his bike and the kids would always come first. But he knew if he expressed that he might lose her. So instead of explaining that fear he kept quiet.

The result? She was devastated by his continued actions and I am sure he didn ‘ t feel very good about it either.

The best way to overcome fear of ability is communication. If he had been able to express his anxiety perhaps they could have worked together to find a solution.

#3 – Fear of Outcome.

The last piece of resistance is the fear of outcome.

So many of the reasons that people don ‘ t take action is that they are scared of how it will all turn out. They know, to a certain extent, how things will turn out if they stay on the current path but have no idea what will happen if they change course.

For my client ‘ s boyfriend he knew that the way he had acted so far had resulted in his winning this amazing girl and still being able to excel on his bike and support his kids in a loving and productive way.

What would happen if he started putting her first? Would his bike and his kids suffer? He didn ‘ t want them to suffer but he also didn ‘ t want to lose her. Maybe they wouldn ‘ t suffer but was it worth the risk?

He was afraid. So he chose his bike and his children, hoping that she would understand. He didn ‘ t talk to her about his decision and as a result he hurt her more.

The best way to overcome the fear of outcome is communication. She needed to know how he was feeling. They could have talked it through. She might have understood.

It is important to know that while fear of change can play a destructive role in relationships it is not, most likely, a reflection of the emotions that the resistor feels for his loved one.

He most likely loves her madly but is unwilling, or unable, to face and overcome his resistance. So it is up to her. Is she willing to live not being a priority? How important is it to her? Can she be in this relationship knowing he loves her and have that be enough?

For my client that wasn ‘ t enough. She expressed her needs and he continued to resist and she walked away. She knew she wanted to be cherished and set out finding someone who could do so.

Are you struggling with a man who won’t change?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help before it destroys your relationship!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Get Exactly What You Want – Even if it Seems Impossible

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So you have a dream. Something that you really want. Perhaps something that you have always wanted or maybe something you have just recently come to understand you want. You have a dream.

There are ways to get exactly what you want – even if it seems impossible.

Time to make it happen. You can do it!

#1 – Know what EXACTLY it is you want.

In order to get what you want to have to know exactly what it is you want.

I have a client who hired me because she wanted to move and she needed support to do so. ‘ What, ‘ I asked her, ‘ does that mean, specifically? ‘

She wasn’t sure. She was renting, and she hated her apartment. So I asked some questions.

Did she want to move to another apartment or a house? Did she want to continue to rent or to buy? Did she like her neighborhood or did she want to make a big move?

After some discussion, she decided that she wanted to stay in her neighborhood and buy either a town home or an apartment.

She knew what she wanted. Next, we started working on getting it for her.

#2 – Start taking steps NOW!

One of the biggest obstacles to getting what we want is that we get overwhelmed. The distance that we have to travel, and the obstacles that we have to overcome, can often times seem too overwhelming and so we stop before we even start.

For my client who wanted to move, she was so overwhelmed at the prospect of BUYING A HOUSE. So, instead of focusing on BUYING A HOUSE, I suggested that her first step was to go online and find some listings that she liked. Just to do that. When she was ready she would go look at some of them. The actual BUYING A HOUSE would be further down the road when the time came.

She was not overwhelmed by the prospect of looking at some listings. So she did, and she was off.

#3 – Recognize your fears.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles for getting what we want. Fear that we won ‘ t get what we want. Fear that we will get hurt along the way. Fear that we will get what we want and then what will we do?

Identifying fears is the only way to deal with them.

For my client, her fears were many.

She was scared of the process of looking at houses. So we started slowly with identifying listings and then moved on to actually looking.

She was scared that she wouldn ‘ t find something she liked that she could afford. So she looked at many different places in her price range so see what her options were.

She was scared of the mortgage process. So I had her meet with a mortgage broker who could walk her through the process.

Fears are going to happen, but if you identify them one at a time, you can deal with them.

#4 – NO second guessing.

For many of us we know what we want but other people have opinions and as a result, we often lose sight of what that really is. Perhaps your dream gets modified because of something your mom suggests. Or perhaps you don ‘ t believe you can do it because your sister reminds you that you have never succeeded before.

Don ‘ t let this happen. Know what you want. Write it down. Write down the path to getting it. Write down the obstacles that will present themselves. Write down your fears.

When someone tries to question you, refer to your lists, remind yourself what it is that you want, that you know how to get there and that you are going to. No matter what!

You can do it!

#5 – Never never never give up.

Yes, obstacles are going to arise, fears are going to rear their ugly head, and you are going to get supremely overwhelmed. And this is where many people give up. I mean, if the House can ‘ t get the votes to repeal and replace Obamacare the first time out then it should be the law of the land forever. Right? NO!

When obstacles and fears present themselves, take them one at a time and deal with them. My client looked at house after house after house and was increasingly desolate that she would never find one. I told her to keep it up. And she did!

Until you guessed it, she found an apartment. The apartment of her dreams.

She never gave up and she got exactly what she wanted.

You have a dream. I know you do. And you can get it exactly as you want it. You just need to know what it is, see how to get there, slay obstacles one by one and never give up.

Really, how hard is that? YOU can totally do it. My client did.

And yes, she is living happily ever after ‘ ¦..

 

If you have read this far you must really wantsomething.
Let me help you, NOW, so you don’t have to wait!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Things Women MUST Do to Reach Their Dreams

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Remember when you were little, and you had big dreams for when you were finally a grown-up?

I wanted to be an astronaut. Or a ballerina. Unfortunately, my hopes of being either of those things fell by the wayside when I failed earth science and grew a foot.

After college, I thought maybe I wanted to write and help people, but my goals were vague, so instead, I went into the hospitality business and then into retail sales and then became a mom. Before I knew it, I was 40 and a working mom, and my dreams had disappeared under a load of laundry.

Now, 12 years later, I am living the life of my dreams. I write articles and blogs and coach women toward reaching their dreams. I have learned a lot along the way, and I want to share it with you today.

#1 – Be clear about what is important to you.

I can ‘ t say this enough. If you don ‘ t know what is important to you, then you can ‘ t make it a priority. Instead, your life will consist of day after day just doing the things that you need to do to get by.

Do this. Mark out 1 hour on your calendar this week, one hour to sit down with a cup of tea, and write down everything that you can think of that is important to you. Write down the things that you do and things that you don ‘ t. Set your list aside and go take a walk.

A few days later, revisit your list. Did you forget anything? Is there anything on there that maybe shouldn ‘ t be?

Next, circle the top 10 most important things on your list. From that list, circle the top 7 most important things, and then from that list circle the top 5 most important things. From your top 5 list, circle the top 3 most important things.

You now have the top 3 things that are most important to you. See, that wasn ‘ t so hard.

From there, you choose the #1 thing that is most important to you, and now you have a starting point.

#2 – Create a plan to make that #1 thing happen and make it a priority.

This is an important thing to do. Many of us get overwhelmed at the prospect of actually reaching our goal. If it’s to run 10 miles, three miles per week, and we are running nothing now, then making the jump from 0-10 miles seems undoable. So we don’t, and we give up.

Instead, we need to recognize that to reach our goal we have to take it one step at a time. And one step at a time is easy.

The first step is about getting moving. Schedule three days a week to get outside and walk. Just for 15 minutes. Something to get your body used to the movement.

Put it on your calendar. In RED ink so that you can’t ignore it.

After the first week, increase your time to 20 minutes three times per week.

After the second week, you could walk for 10 minutes and run for 10 minutes three times per week.

After the third week, you can run for the full 20 minutes three times a week.

Gradually you can increase your time and distance until you reach your goal of 10 miles three times a week.

One step at a time.

#3 – Surround yourself with a supportive and loving community.

Your community can be made up of family, friends, co-workers, and gym mates who can support you and hold you accountable. This is key to success. We all have good intentions, but without support and accountability, it ‘ s hard to stay on the path to reaching our dreams.

What is the best kind of support you can get? A life coach who will encourage you and hold you accountable. Just sayin’.

#4 – Do NOT doubt yourself.

This is the most self-sabotaging thing that we do. We listen to the voice in our head that tells us that we can ‘ t do something. That we don ‘ t have the time or that we aren ‘ t good enough, or that we don ‘ t deserve something.

This is, may I say, complete bullshit. You are an amazing person, someone who gives and gives and you should have the life of your dreams. And if you are happy, everyone around you will be happy!

Believe that you are capable of reaching your goals. One step at a time. I believe in you.

#5 – Take care of yourself and try to have a little fun.

Yes, our lives are crazy, but it is essential that every woman take a little time for herself. Take a bath, go for a walk, go shopping with a friend, climb a mountain, learn to surf, or take a road trip. Do something every day that feeds your soul. Take at least 1 day a month to do something that will make you happy.

And at least once a year get away, alone, to get to know yourself again.

Remember, it ‘ s never too late to live the life that you want. You just need to decide what that life is and then take that first step. The rest you can do, easy.

Just look at all that you do now. Only Superwoman can do what you do every day. Your dreams will be a cinch ‘ ¦

 

If you have read this far you must reallywantto reach your dreams.
Let me help you, NOW, before they get away!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways to Get Things Done – Even if Time Seems Short

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There just aren ‘ t enough hours in the day, are there? There are school lunches to be made and buses to be caught and meetings to attend and dogs to be walked and homework to be done and mothers to be called and TV shows to catch up on. The list is endless and impossible to manage.

Or is it?

Believe it or not, there are ways to get on top of your to-do list.

#1 – Use a notebook.

A spiral-bound notebook. A notebook that makes you happy to look at and that you don ‘ t want to lose. This is the key to being productive. Every organized person you know has one.

It is in this notebook that you keep your running to-do list. When something new comes up you add it to your list. The to-do list in your notebook.

You do not keep your to-do list on a piece of paper that gets lost between the car seats or gets eaten by the dog. Your to-do list is in a notebook that you can ‘ t throw away and you refuse to lose track of.

And then, when you get something done, you get to cross that thing off of your to-do list. And I am not sure if there is anything better than crossing something off of your to-do list.

Seriously.

#2 – Set priorities.

Every morning take 10 minutes to review your to-do list and to set priorities. You can do this by starring or highlighting the things on your list that you need to get done that day.

Many of us do first the things on our list that we don ‘ t mind doing and don ‘ t do the things that need to be done.

One of my clients HATED making phone calls to set up appointments. As a result, she never did set them up, and her dishwasher didn ‘ t get fixed, her son missed his doctor ‘ s appointment, and her daughter ‘ s permission slip didn ‘ t get signed. This was not good

Once she started setting her priorities, my client 1) didn ‘ t have to make all of her phone calls at the same time but made them when they needed to be made (which made them less daunting) and 2) things that usually fell through the cracks (and did more work for her) no longer fell through the cracks.

#3 – Say No!

This is key. It is very, very hard for us to say no. We don ‘ t want to say no for a variety of reasons, whether it ‘ s because we want to do something or we feel like we should do something or we think we need to do something. So, before you say yes, take a good hard look at why you are saying yes.

One of my clients always said yes, no matter what was asked of her. She liked to keep busy and didn ‘ t want to let anyone down. But of course, she ended up letting everyone down because she couldn ‘ t be as effective at all of her tasks as she might have been. Once she started looking at why she was saying yes, and why she wasn ‘ t saying no, she was able to pick and choose what she said yes to. Once she did that she was able to manage her time more effectively and successfully complete each task.

#4 – If it takes less than 10 minutes just DO IT.

Next time you have a few minutes, while you are waiting for the bus to arrive, or for a phone call to come in or while the kids are watching TV, take a look at your list. Is there anything on it that you can get done in 10 minutes or less? If there is, DO IT! It ‘ s those little things that are daunting and tend to add up. And, again, let me tell you, from personal experience, there is nothing more mood-enhancing then crossing something off of your list.

#5 – Check your computer only 3 times a day.

Yes, I know. This is the hard one. We are all totally addicted to our screens. Totally. And I am sure you are familiar with the phenomenon known as ‘ screen sucking. ‘ This is when your computer/phone/tablet screen sucks up all of your time before you even know it. A great way to add time to your day is to stay away from your screen.

I have a client who used to check her phone every moment she got at the expense of everyone and everything around her. At my suggestion, for one week she checked it just three times a day: once in the morning, once at mid-day and once after dinner. It was painful in the beginning, she reported, but by the end of the week, the amount of time she had to be productive had dramatically increased. So try it for one week. See what happens.

There are 24 hours in our day and everyone should sleep for 8 of those hours.

That leaves you 16 hours a day to use wisely. Part of using them wisely is to do things that feed your soul but also use those hours to be productive. Staying on top of things will go a long way towards making your life a happier place.

So use my tips. Get some things done. If you do, your life will be simpler, you will be happier, and those around you will thrive. And that is the goal, yes?

 

If you have read this far you must really be looking for ways to get things done.
Let me help you, NOW, before you get overwhelmed!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

 

5 Ways I Helped Change a Client’s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So

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I have a client who was gifted 3 life-coaching sessions by her sister. While she truly appreciated the gift, she was rather insulted that her sister thought that she needed a life coach. She wasn ‘ t really happy, she thought, but she was fine.

One month later, though, is she happy that she found me? She says that she was very skeptical coming into working with me because she had been seeing therapists for years to no avail, and then, in 3 short weeks, her life was on a completely different track.

Here is my latest: 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life – Even Though She Was Skeptical That I Could Do So.

#1 – I provided insight.

During our first session, my client told me about how miserable she was. She was unhappy in her job, her marriage was floundering, she wasn ‘ t able to exercise because of an injury, and she was drinking too much. She felt hopeless.

She also told me that she had just weaned herself off of her anti-depressant. That she had reduced her dose for 3 months and she was on her second week of no meds at all.

I put two and two together and asked when her overwhelming feelings of hopelessness had started. She said about 2 months earlier. ‘ So just about when you started weaning off your meds? ‘ I asked. She thought about it and agreed with me.

I suggested that she ask her doctor about going back on her meds, perhaps at a lower dosage, to see if it made any difference with her negative feelings. And guess what? She did, and it did.

Without me there to listen and point things out objectively, with no agenda, as a relative might have, she might not have seen that her lack of meds was affecting her so. Nor, without the meds, would she have been able to start the other hard work that we began next.

#2 – I held her accountable. Big time.

During one of our sessions, we started to talk about her drinking. She was on a cleanse, and when she was done, she was determined that she wouldn ‘ t go back to her regular drinking habits. She recognized that she probably had a drinking problem but wanted to try to control it on her own.

We then talked about her calling her primary care doctor to get the name of an alcohol counselor. “Just get a name,” I told her. It would be a first step towards stopping her drinking, something that I knew was important to her because she didn ‘ t want it to affect her kids.

One week later, I checked in. She responded that she was great and that she hadn ‘ t contacted a counselor and that could she put off our appointment for two weeks so she could get some things done.

I told her no. That I wanted to talk with her on Monday, even if just for a few minutes. And what did she do because she knew that she was going to talk with me? She not only made an appointment with a therapist but she went to it before we talked.

She was feeling so great when we talked. She had much hope after her therapy session. And she thanked me for pushing her to do it.

#3 – I helped make her career clearer.

My client has a job that suits her needs. She likes what she does, works hard enough and has summers off. But she is approaching 30 and wants to make sure that she doesn ‘ t let her career life pass her by without being all that she could be.

But what would that look like? Being all that she could be?

I had her make a list of everything that made her heart sing, and then I had her read it back to me during our phone call. After she read that list, we started talking about possible career options. Because she had just read a list of what made her heart sing, her mind was clear and wide open. And we used some of those things on her list to identify a career move.

And guess what? We landed on one. A good one. Her homework was to take the first step toward making it happen.

As we were wrapping up, she said, ‘ Can I tell you something? It ‘ s almost embarrassing. I make these little kids’ bracelets, and I would love to make them and sell them on Etsy. ‘

‘ What a great idea, ‘ I replied and gave her some ideas for getting started down that path as well.

If she hadn ‘ t felt comfortable enough to trust me with that little pearl of wisdom, it might never have popped out of her mouth and come to fruition. And she was so happy it did.

#4 – I taught her how to talk with her husband.

My client has a very good relationship with her husband overall, but communication had broken down like it does in many long-term relationships.

They had some things to talk about, and she had no idea how to broach them.

I taught her that the most important part of communication is to talk not about how the other person is acting but how their actions make her feel. Another person can not get angry with you because of how you feel but they can get defensive about what they perceive is an attack on their character.

I also taught her that timing was everything. That if she wanted to talk about their drinking, I suggested that 9:00 pm, after a few cocktails, was not the best time. 9:00 am after coffee might be better.

Armed with these new tools she set out to have a constructive conversation with her hubby and one they did.

#5 – I taught her how to believe in herself.

We are all our own worst enemies. We catalog all of our worst traits and transgressions and trot them out whenever we feel it necessary. As a result, we tend to really not like or believe in ourselves.

I had my client keep a running list of daily successes. Big and small.

Getting out of bed. Not yelling at the kids before breakfast. A great meeting at work. Not having three slices of pizza for lunch but only two. Getting off the couch and going for a walk after dinner.

Successes, big and small.

I then had my client read her list of successes every night before bed. So she could sleep on them and remember them. That way those successes would be foremost in her mind, as opposed to her failures, and then she could trot them out when needed.

Believing in herself has allowed my client to move forward in her life, work on her relationship with her husband, grow her career and deal with her drinking with more self-confidence.

And self-confidence is the key to success.

So there you go, my 5 Ways I Helped Change a Client ‘ s Life.

We all have issues in our lives, and we all find them difficult to deal with. We have the support of friends and family but more often than not they just want to support us, to tell us what we want to hear.

But not a life coach. A life coach will tell you what she sees, objectively and professionally, and hold you accountable for plans that you make. She is the guardian angel who sits on your shoulder and reminds you that you are wonderful. She is the wonderland elf who gives you the tools to succeed. She is the fairy godmother who helps make all of your dreams come true.

Sounds pretty wonderful, doesn ‘ t it?

Let me help you make BIG CHANGES in your life.

Contact me NOW and I can help!

 

 

5 Things to Ask Yourself if You Aren’t Happy

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Being unhappy is horrible. It can take over your life and suck all that is good and joyful out of it. None of us want to be unhappy but many of us are.

One thing many of us don ‘ t ask ourselves is why we are unhappy. We have a vague understanding that our lives are not what we hoped they would be, but we don ‘ t know specifically why.

In an effort to help you identify what specifically is making you unhappy, I have five questions for you. Answer them in terms of your own life, and you will get the answers you are looking for.

#1 – Are you living in integrity?

All of us have internal guiding principles that are important to us, things like the importance of trust or honesty or loyalty. These guiding principles light our path to living our best life but unfortunately, they can get lost as life happens.

Do you know what your guiding principles are and are your living them?

I have a client who was having an affair with a married man. He made her deliriously happy, or so she told herself. But still she didn ‘ t feel good about her life and she didn’t know why.

I asked her what her guiding principles were – what was most important to her in a relationship?

After some thought and discussion, she realized that the truth was of paramount importance to her. And that nothing about her relationship with the married man was based on truth.

‘ Are you able to live with that? ‘ I asked. ‘ And be happy? ‘

The answer was no, and she soon moved on. On into a relationship that is based on truth and trust, and she is happy.

#2 – Is your relationship making your heart sing?

Our romantic relationships are very important, more important than many of us recognize.

In this modern world, we are told that we should be able to take care of ourselves and that relying on another to bring us some happiness is a sign of weakness.

But this just simply is not true.

Happy committed relationships provide much that is essential to human survival: commitment, communication, touch, sharing, sex, support, laughter, joy, and sex. When we have those things, our lives are fuller, we are satisfied, we are loved. Other things can bring us down, but the foundation of a good relationship helps us when we founder.

Being in a relationship isn ‘ t necessary for happiness but being in a relationship that is toxic puts you on the surest path to being unhappy.

I have a client whose husband was always one of two things: absent or drunk. She wasn ‘ t sure which was worse – his not being in the house or being drunk when he was. What she did know was that it was making her miserable. She was always hoping that things would change but they never did. She was alone in her marriage.

And the rest of her life? It foundered. Her parenting suffered, she stopped eating well and exercising and gained 20 pounds, her work was neglected and her crabbiness made her friends stay away.

What did she do? After much deliberation and overcoming lots of fear, she asked him to stay absent, and she is fighting her way back to herself, on the path to living the life of her dreams.

#3 – Do you make a difference in the world?

I know you are going to say that you just don ‘ t have time to volunteer. How could I possibly ask you to do that?

I am not going to ask you to do that. Although if it appeals, you should try it. Volunteering makes the world go round.

What I mean by making a difference is asking you how you interact with others in the world. Did you smile at the checkout person at the grocery store? Do you hold doors for other people? Do you refrain from giving the man who cut you off in his BMW the finger? Do you pick up trash that you see in the street?

All of these things contribute to the world in a small way and doing them will make your life a better place as well. The act of smiling at someone will actually make you and the person you smiled at happier. Holding doors for people makes them feel noticed and you made it happen. Not giving someone the finger will allow you not to feel the pain of remorse in the middle of the night. And picking up that trash will literally make the world a more beautiful place.

So make a difference in the world every day. It will make you happier. I promise.

Want to be happy? Let me help!

#4 – Do you feel healthy and strong?

You know when you go out on a long dock, and it ‘ s old and creaky, and with each step you wonder if you are going to end up in the water? If you aren ‘ t healthy and strong, like a good dock, you could find yourself drowning before you know it.

Taking care of yourself is the key to a foundation from which happiness can grow. Eat well, but don ‘ t deprive yourself. Exercise, but only so it makes you feel good. Do one thing that makes you happy every day, like a massage or lunch with a friend. Find a life coach, to get the support that you need.

If you feel healthy and strong you will be able to take on whatever life throws at you.

Wouldn ‘ t that feel great?

#5 – Do you challenge yourself?

I know that I have my routines. I get up, walk my dog, do some yoga, work all day, walk my dog again, do errands, have dinner, take a bath and go to bed. Pretty much every day.

As a life coach I know that while routines are good for keeping us on track it is essential to challenge ourselves. Challenging yourself will keep your brain going strong, keep you physically confident and get that adrenaline rushing.

What do I mean by being challenged? It can be anything.

When I got divorced, I promised myself that I would start doing all of the things that scared me. I learned how to ride a jet ski (which was awesome), I conquered my fear of driving in the snow (which was convenient), I took up crossword puzzles (which has made me way smarter), and I can now use power tools. Even a drill.

It ‘ s so hard to imagine now not being able to do those things. Doing them has given me so much more confidence in myself – not only that I can do them but that I challenged myself to overcome my fears and prevailed.

And did I mention that I was way smarter? That makes me happy.

Unhappiness to so many of us is just the status quo. We assume that this is the way life is and we just push through it. But it doesn ‘ t have to be this way. Happiness IS possible.

Are you making choices that are feeling good? Are you feeling loved and supported in your relationship? Did you make someone smile today? Is your foundation strong? Did you do something recently that got your adrenaline pumping?

If not, choose one and make it happen.

Happiness is yours for the taking. Today.

If you have read this far you must really want to be happy.
Let me help you, NOW, and et’s get started!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

 

5 Things To Do When You Hit Rock Bottom

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Imagine how you would feel if everything that you have always had, wanted, longed for and dreamed of is suddenly gone. Gone.

You are overwhelmed with emotion. You are full of hopelessness and dread. You would much rather drive your car into a cliff than continue to live the life that you are living.

How can anyone expect you to live this way, with everything lost?

This is rock bottom. Also known as being down a rabbit hole.

It only happens a few times in a lifetime and when it comes, BAM, it sucks.

Rock bottom means it ‘ s time to pay attention.

#1 – Notice where you are.

Many of us hit rock bottom and don ‘ t even realize it.

We find ourselves in pain and drowning and it is so much easier to have 4 drinks or a box of Oreos or bike 50 miles than to recognize the truth of where one has found oneself: looking up from deep down in the rabbit hole, vanquished.

If you find yourself in a spot where the pain is worse than anything that you could ever have imagined, pause for a second before you reach for that bottle of wine. That pain is telling you something. It ‘ s telling you that it ‘ s time to pay attention. That things are really, really bad and that it ‘ s time to start doing something about it.

I have a client whose husband left her the same week that their kids went off to college. In one fell swoop, after 23 years, she was no longer a wife and only a part-time mother.

Down the rabbit hole, she fell. And she hit bottom. Hard.

#2 – Get the hell up, after a spell.

Being in a rabbit hole is scary as hell and very painful. But you also might find that it starts to feel comfortable. There is something cozy about wrapping yourself up in your negative, hopeless thoughts, taking comfort in the fact that your life sucks, that you are a horrible person, and that what the hell does it all matter anyway.

And it ‘ s okay to sink into that coziness for a bit. After all, you are going to have a bit of work to do to get out of it so resting up is okay. But sooner or later, preferably sooner, you are going to have to climb out of it.

For my client, the rabbit hole was cozy for bit, and full of Oreos, but when she looked up and saw the light at the top she remembered where she was and knew that she was going to have to do whatever it took to get out of it. But, boy, were those walls steep – it took her a while to start the climb but start the climb she did.

#3 – Assess the situation and try something different.

Once you have spent some time in the rabbit hole with your thoughts and feelings, you get to know them fairly well. Now is the time to take a good hard look at them. To figure out how you have gotten where you are and not only how to get out of there but to move forward towards the life that you have always wanted.

One of our primary human foibles is that we tend to approach a problem with the same perspective as the one with which we caused it. How can we expect to solve a problem that has dragged us down the rabbit hole with the same actions that brought us there in the first place?

We just can ‘ t. It doesn ‘ t work.

My client knew that one of the things that consistently came between her and her husband was her tendency to be manipulative. She always said that she used this skill for good but her husband didn ‘ t always see it that way.

So what did she try to do to win her husband back? You got it. She manipulated him. She made him nice dinners. She instigated sex and watched Sunday night football. She changed who she was in an effort to manipulate her way back into his good graces.

And guess what. It didn ‘ t work.

When presented with a rabbit hole quality issue it ‘ s time to take a good hard look at a new way to address a problem. Don ‘ t think ‘ I have always done it this way so ‘ ¦ ‘ but rather think ‘ What have I never tried before? ‘

Try it. It can be a very tall ladder out of your very deep hole.

Have you hit rock bottom? Let me help!

#4 – Make a Plan.

Okay, so now you know what you are dealing with, it ‘ s time to make a plan.

It ‘ s time to look at each item that you have assessed as needing addressing and see what needs to be done.

For my client, it wasn ‘ t about manipulating her way back into her husband ‘ s good graces. It was about taking a good hard look at what had happened in her life and her marriage and deciding what she wanted to do about it.

I would like to pause here for a second and suggest that this might be the time to hire a life coach, namely me. I can help you assess what needs to be addressed and make a plan for you to do what needs to be done. Just sayin ‘ .

#5 – Keep Going. Do Not Stop.

Winston Churchill said, ‘ If you are going through hell, keep going. ‘ Wise words to live by.

You have hit rock bottom. You have pulled yourself up and out of your hole. You have assessed the situation and made a plan to change things. You have taken a great big step, and then you stop. And pick up that box of Oreos, take a few slugs from your bottle of wine and hop on your bike for a hard five hour ride.

Listen to me. You may have hit bottom, but you have also scratched your way out of it, up to this spot in the light where you could get started on what needs to be done. You were brave. You ARE courageous. Don ‘ t let fear get in your way.

Because is this what you truly want your life to look like? You had the strength to pull yourself out of that hole. Why would you let yourself sink back in there? It ‘ s not fun in that hole.

And right in front of you, ready for the taking, is the life of your dreams.

Imagine just how having the life of your dreams would feel.

Pretty great, no?

At some point in our lifetime we all hit rock bottom. We find ourselves in a spot where we never imagined we would be and can ‘ t imagine getting out of.

But the resilient of us do. And YOU are one of the resilient ones.

Don ‘ t let that rabbit hole suck you in and keep you there. Fight your way out into the light and live the life of your dreams.

C ‘ mon. You can do it!

If you have read this far you must be at rock bottom.
Let me help you, NOW, before you fall any further!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com and let’s get started!

 

5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming

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An opportunity comes along. A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – that job you have always wanted, the love you have always sought, a move that could change your life. You should be excited, right? No! Instead, you find yourself scared out of your wits.

Why? Wonderful opportunities often come with that dreaded thing…change. And change is scary. Paralyzingly so, at times.

But don’t run. There are ways to face fear head-on so that you don’t miss an opportunity that could change your life.

Here is my latest… 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear – Even If You Just Want to Run Screaming.

#1 – Take a deep breath.

Yes, I know I always say this, but deep breaths are essential for keeping yourself from running from fear.

When presented with something that scares us the hormones in our body produce the fight or flight response: we can either stay (fight) or run (flight). More often than not, flight seems the easiest option, so that ‘ s what we do – we run. But if, when faced with something that scares us, we take a deep breath we immediately calm that instinct. Without our heart racing and our hormones pumping it’s much easier to face down that scary thing in front of you.

So next time you feel yourself starting to run from something that scares you stop and take a few deep breaths. Breathe in 3 seconds and out 5 seconds. Before you know it you will be thinking clearer and can move on to face what you need to face.

#2 – Ask yourself what it is that you are afraid of.

Many of us feel fear as a general feeling. We don’t take the time to identify exactly what we are afraid of. And not knowing what we are afraid of makes it very difficult to deal with those fears.

So make a list. One that details what exactly it is that scares you most about the situation. And then take those fears one at a time and address them.

I have a client who was so unhappy with her marriage that she decided if they just moved anywhere, all would be good. The prospect of picking up and moving to another country was more appealing to her than the prospect of sitting down with her husband to work on their marriage.

She was making plans for this move when I met her. I challenged her on her plans and asked her why she couldn’t face her husband. What was she afraid of?

It took her a while to answer, but her list looked like this:

  1. I am scared that we will have to talk about how we feel.
  2. I am afraid that I will get hurt.
  3. I am afraid that our marriage won’t work even if we try to work on it.

Once she had her list, she knew exactly what she was afraid of. We talked about each specific thing and were able to address each one more because she had identified them so clearly. Addressing fear as a general concept is almost impossible.

She still lives in her family home, and she shares it with the man she married, and they are working things out. It’s not easy, but she is happy.

#3 – Push back against those negative thoughts

Yes, back to those lovely thoughts in your head. The ones that tell you that you just can’t do anything. Especially anything new and risky. The brain likes things to stay the same. The same is easiest.

But staying the same is not how we find happiness. Happiness comes from taking risks and facing fears. So when those self-defeating thoughts enter your head, shut them down, one at a time.

I have a question I always ask when making a decision about something scary. “What’s the worst that can happen?” It works every time.

I have a client who is being given a job opportunity that could change her life. She is scared to make a move because she isn’t sure if she can make enough money to maintain her life. We talked about how much she would need and I asked her if she would be comfortable asking for that salary when offered the job. She hesitated.

I asked her what the worst that could happen was. For her, the worst would be that the amount would not be doable. But I pointed out that armed with that info she could make an informed decision about whether to take the job or not. And if the amount was doable then YAY, good for her for speaking up for herself!

So use those thoughts of yours to fight your fears and not succumb to them.

#4 – Recognize that history is just that. History.

Many of our fears are grounded in our history. I read a quote recently that said “it is not the moment that is tragic but the memory.” Think about it. It’s true, isn’t it?

We carry the memories of a lifetime of moments that have caused us pain, and we use these memories as fuel for our fears.

But we need to remember that those memories are in the past and we are now looking at our present and future.

I have a client who is madly in love with a man who loves her madly back, but his life is complicated, and he isn’t always emotionally available to her. Both her father nor her ex-husband weren’t emotionally unavailable, and both ultimately left her. This caused her immeasurable pain, pain that she has carried forward in her life.

So now she is scared about committing to this man because she doesn’t want to get hurt again.

She and I are working together to look at the differences and similarities between these three men and identify what in particular scares her. She is then having open discussions with her man about her fears.

She isn’t letting her past pull her away from this man but she is proactively addressing her fears and making decisions based on present circumstances instead of ancient history.

And she is feeling hopeful. Very hopeful.

#5 – Embrace it. It ‘ s Exciting!

Imagine if every day for the rest of your life was going to be the same. The same routine with no challenges or excitement. Just sameness.

Things that are scary are harbingers of change, and change is one of those things that makes life a better place.

Yes, confronting your fears could allow you to save your marriage, get that job of your dreams or the love of your life and that would be wonderful. But the biggest outcome of facing your fears is the strength you gain as a person.

When you have faced your fears and overcome them, you gain a huge sense of accomplishment, one that will always stay with you and only serve you well in the future.

Imagine that next fear coming along and you thinking “I’ve got this.” And you would know that you did because you have faced fear before and prevailed.

It would be pretty awesome, no?

So there you go. My 5 Things To Do in The Face of Fear.

Life is a scary place, full of all sorts of twists and turns, things that happen that change the way we thought things were going to be. It ‘ s exciting but very scary. And it ‘ s okay to be scared.

But know that you have the power to push past that fear, to reach for everything that you have ever wanted. And once you learn you have that power your life will never again be the same.

So go for it. Whatever you have ever wanted. Go for it. You can do it!

Looking for more ways to face fear? Contact me hereand I can help!

To welcome in 2017 I am offering one free session to the first 5 people who reach out.

So do so TODAY.

 

5 Ways to Keep Your New Year’s Resolution No Matter What

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I think the worst part of New Year’s is the pressure to make a resolution. Now don ‘ t get me wrong, I think that the New Year is a great time to take a look at one ‘ s life and figure out what one might do differently, but the prospect of being able to make and keep your New Year’s resolution seems so overwhelming and fruitless.

I am here to tell you that it doesn ‘ t have to be. There are ways to make a resolution and stick to it and bring about real change in your life. You just have to approach it in a way that will ensure success.

#1 – Like, no LOVE, your resolution.

There is lots of pressure to come up with a New Year ‘ s resolution. I mean, what else can you talk about at your New Year ‘ s Eve party other than your drama-filled Christmas dinner?

The first rule of keeping a resolution is to actually like it, and to be passionate about it. Sure, we can all say we want to lose 5 pounds or be nicer to our kids or spend less time at work but is that what you REALLY want? Does thinking about your resolution get your heart pounding, your blood rushing, and your cheeks flushing?

If yes, go for it.
If not, it ‘ s not the right resolution for you.

What you want for your resolution is something that will make your heart sing. Something that you really, really want to happen, something that you will make a priority in your life.

Because if you want something really badly, you are more likely to work hard to get it.

#2 – Make your resolution a little smaller.

Most of our resolutions are BIG. Big because we want to bring about a big change in our lives, and we tend to like to go BIG when we make declarations.

The problem with BIG is that it sounds good at conception but is hard to complete during the follow-through. We live chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting lives, and trying to pack in a whole bunch of change at once is simply not sustainable.

And when something is not sustainable, we give up.

So make your resolution smaller. Want to lose weight, eat better and get more exercise? Sounds great but chances are if you try to change your diet, get off your butt, and lose weight all at the same time you will fail because that ‘ s a lot of change at once.

So choose one of these things as your resolution.

Try choosing exercise. Make some time for exercise 4 days a week but continue to eat the way you do. You might find that once you start exercising, regularly, you will want to tweak your diet a little bit because you are feeling so good and once you do that you might lose weight.

Or try choosing to eat better. Tweak your diet a bit without adding the pressure of exercise. You just might find that eating better makes you feel healthier, which might get you exercising more which could lead to weight loss.

See how this works? Choose one thing. Anyone can do one thing, especially you.

#3 – Write it down.

A sure fire way to keep your New Year’s resolution is to write it down.

It ‘ s easy to declare at the stroke of midnight what you are resolute about in the New Year, but putting your resolution onto paper is the key to succeeding at keeping it.

Capturing your words on paper will serve two purposes. The first is that the words are no longer just floating around in your head but they have been captured. And words that are captured are more easily remembered.

The second reason to write something down is that now you have physical proof of your resolution. This proof you can put at the top of your to-do list or on the fridge or next to your bed. Somewhere where you will see it regularly and be reminded of it.

So write down your small resolution. Be as specific as possible. Don ‘ t say, ‘ get more exercise ‘ say ‘ walk 1 mile 3 times a week. ‘ Don ‘ t say ‘ eat healthier ‘ say ‘ add vegies to my dinner during the work week. ‘ Clear, measurable items.

#4 – Find someone to hold you accountable.

We all mean to keep our resolutions. Really we do. We share them with our friends and family, and they are excited about them, but then they go off to keep their own resolutions and forget about yours.

And more often than not, we fail at those resolutions and don ‘ t want to talk about resolutions at all, ever again.

So find someone who will not only hold you accountable but who can help you take measurable steps to hit that resolution out of the park.

My recommendation? A life coach. Namely, ME!

#5 – Reward yourself.

We all like to think that keeping a resolution is a reward unto itself, and in a way, it is. Losing weight would be wonderful. Feeling healthier could change your life. Succeeding would make you feel so much better about yourself.

And, yes, these things are true, but really we all love rewards. LOVE REWARDS.

So think about something that you could reward yourself with if you succeed in sticking to your resolution. Something that would make your heart sing.

Last year a client resolved to be nicer to her mother-in-law. She made a list specifying what that would look like, and we set out a timeline for her to make those things happen. We had monthly benchmarks to review her progress.

We decided that if she met those monthly goals, she would reward herself with a manicure, something she loved but rarely indulged in. We also decided that if she kept it up for 6 months, she would get a massage as well. And, the cherry on top, if she was still being nicer to her mother-in-law in one year, she would get a spa weekend away.

I know you are probably thinking that this is one selfish resolution, but it worked! My client was able to consistently get along with her mother-in-law, which completely changed the dynamic in her family, and along the way, she got beautiful nails and a little self-care. Really it was a win/win for everyone.

As a life coach, I am a big believer in life change. I think we all need to shake things up to keep things interesting and make ourselves happy. I also believe in doing it one step at a time.

So think carefully this year before you make your resolution. Make sure it is something that will truly make your face flush and your heart pound.

This is the year you can do it! You can keep your New Year’s Resolution.

How awesome would that be? It is possible. You CAN do it!

If you have read this far you must really want to keep your New Year’s resolution.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can make 2019 YOUR year!

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

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