Are you wondering how to let go of love for your crush? Are you madly in love with someone and are the feelings are unrequited?
There is nothing worse than loving and not being loved in return but holding on to a love with no future will only prevent you from finding the love you seek.
So, how do you let go of your crush if they aren’t crushing on you? How can you take the difficult step of walking away from them and moving on?
I have been there, and so have many of my clients. Let us help you get through it.
#1 – Check yourself.
Are you crushing on someone, big time, and have you been convincing yourself that if you just hold on long enough, they will notice you and fall for you and you will live happily ever after? Have you been holding on to this for a while but has nothing changed?
I have a client who was seriously crushing on a guy. They had been friends years ago and he reappeared. She thought that him coming back into her life was a sign that they were supposed to be together.
For one year she held onto hope that they could be together. He did give her mixed messages, on one hand telling her that he didn’t want a relationship and, on the other, having sex with her. He would come and go and still she held onto her hope for them, slowly dying each time he left.
Ultimately, she realized that she had created their ‘great love story’ in her head and she knew she had to let him go. And the first thing that she had to do was to come to terms with the fact that he didn’t love her back.
It was incredibly painful but it was the first step to letting go of unrequited love and moving forward to find someone who would love her back.
#2 – No contact. None.
I know that we all think that we need “closure” when we need to walk away from someone, that final conversation where everyone gets to say what they want to say and you understand each other and walk away as friends.
I am here to tell you that closure is a myth. What closure really is is one last chance to spend time with and talk to that person you still love, hoping that they might change their mind.
Because really, if you could have a conversation and finally understand each other, why couldn’t you make it work as a couple? Right? Wrong!
So, when you have decided that you need to walk away and move in, go no contact immediately. Block them on your phone, disconnect on social media, stay away from places where you know they will be.
Why? Because what you need to do is break the addiction you have to this person, to change your habits. Having any contact with them will only hold you back from moving on!
Think about Oreo cookies. You know how hard it is to eat just one? It’s the same with your crush. Even one point of contact can draw you back into their circle, the circle that you have decided that you are determined to break yourself out of.
So, go no contact right away. It will make the process way easier!
#3 – Do something that you have always wanted to do.
Another important thing to know when you are wondering how to let go of love for your crush is to start doing something that you have always wanted to do. Don’t sit around feeling sorry for your empty space – do something with it.
A client of mine broke up with a man she loved desperately but who couldn’t commit to her. She was devastated.
I asked her to name a few things that she had always wanted to do. One of the things that she came up with was writing. In this day and age, it is quite possible to write and get what you write out to the masses without going through the process of publishing a book or getting a magazine to publish your article. You can simply write a blog and post it to a variety of platforms available online.
My client started writing about her broken heart, what happened, her insights about what she could have done differently, the way she felt with him gone from her life. It was hard work for her, emotionally, but soon she started to get a following. Other women who were going through the same things appreciated her written words and started commenting on her articles. As a result, she built a small community of women who supported each other through the rough times.
#4 – Spend time with people who love you.
When we are rejected by someone we are crushing on, we often feel horrible about ourselves. We feel like we are unloveable and will never be loved again.
Spending time with friends and family who love you, who recognize you for what an amazing, and loveable, person you are will help you move on and find someone who is worthy of you.
#5 – Take care of yourself.
When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.
When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.
One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage. That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.
I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward. From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.
By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage.
#6 – Believe your love is out there for you.
I find this to be the number one obstacle to my clients breaking up with someone who doesn’t love them – believing they will never find love again.
Almost without exception, people who are in relationships that aren’t making them happy don’t leave because they believe that there will never be another person for them. That, if they break up with this person, they will be alone forever!
But that just isn’t true. There are many, many fish in the sea and there is one for you.
Of course, if you never have a chance to go fishing, because you are still with this idiot who doesn’t love you, then you, won’t find that person. But if you can be brave enough to act, and break up with said idiot, then you will be setting yourself up for finding the love of your life.
Knowing why and how to let go of love for your crush is a key piece to being able to do so successfully.
You still love them but you know that you must let them go because of the pain they are causing you. It will be difficult but it is possible!
Be honest with yourself about the chance that they will ever love you back, cut them off completely, do that things you have always wanted to do and spend time with friends. Nurture yourself and hold on to the belief that you will find the love you seek.
You will. If you can let go of someone who doesn’t love you back and not waste any more time, you will! I promise.
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.