Do you wake up every day, struggling with a break-up that has left you devastated? Are you wondering about tips for letting go of love with love for yourself?
Has all the reading that you’ve done, all the conversations that you have had with friends, all the things that you’ve heard from your mother, are they all helping you understand that the best way for you to get over your loss is by learning to love yourself?
It’s true! The best way to truly recover from a break-up is to start loving yourself fully and completely.
So, what are some ideas for letting go of love with love for yourself?
#1 – Do things that comfort you.
When your heart is broken and you feel like your life is over, one of the best things that you can do is self-care. Your body and your spirit may feel broken but some nurturing will help them heal.
When my husband left me, I was left devastated and alone. My house was empty, my kids were gone and my husband no longer came home at the end of the day. My days were endless and I didn’t know how I was going to survive being alone.
One day, a Groupon appeared in my inbox from Massage Envy, offering a 60 minute massage for $40. I had nothing to do so I bought the Groupon and I made an appointment for a massage.
That massage was one of the best hours of my life. I was in a warm room, on a cozy table and I had a lovely woman attending to my aches and pains, making me feel loved and cared for.
I realized that day, when I am emerged from the spa feeling rejuvenated and alive, that doing things that comforted me was what I would need to help me moving forward.
From that day on, I would spend some time every day doing things to take care of myself. I did yoga, went for walks, spent time antiquing with girlfriends and drank whiskey by the fire on cold winter nights.
By nurturing myself, by loving myself, I was able to get the strength that I needed to let go of the loss of my marriage. I was truly letting go of love with love for myself.
#2 – Do things that make you feel good.
Another thing that I did during the months after my husband left was I started volunteering at a local food bank.
Volunteering was good for me for two reasons. The first was that it filled hours in my day, hours that I might otherwise have spent wallowing in my pain. Instead, I spent those hours helping those in need get food to feed their families. I met many people and saw a lot of tears, and even more smiles, during those hours at the food bank. I recognized how fortunate I was for all that I had and seeing the strength and perseverance of people who were going hungry gave me strength to take care of myself.
A big part of loving yourself is taking care of other people. If you have the opportunity in your day to help another person, do it. There’s nothing better than helping someone in need to nurture love of self.
#3 – Spend time with those who love you.
When your heart is broken and you are feeling alone, one of the best remedies is spending time with those who love you.
Spending time with those who love you will remind you of all the reasons why you should love yourself.
A client of mine was recently left by a man she considered to be the love for life. What he really was was an abuser, someone who isolated her from her family and friends, who belittled her and made her believe that she was nothing. By the time he left, she had no love for herself. Only self-hate.
Because she was left without a place to live, my client returned home. Her parents welcomed her with open arms. Her brothers and sisters who lived nearby came over regularly. Her family circled the wagons and showed her their love.
Being surrounded by people who loved her and who believed in her helped my client start to remember the woman who she used to be. When she started loving herself again she was able to see how much her man had hurt her and how much better off she was without him.
So, if you are dealing with the loss of lover, reconnect with your friends and family. They love you for who you are and that’s exactly what you need to be reminded of right now.
#4 – Accomplish something.
Soon after I got divorced, I decided to get my life coach certification. I had always been a wife and a mother but I decided it was time to follow my life goal of being a healer.
Once I was certified, I set down the daunting path of building my own business. Starting a life coach business, building a website, figuring out marketing, networking and attracting clients was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Some days I woke up so frustrated, wanting to just throw in the towel and go get a regular job.
But I didn’t. I persevered. And, over the course of the past six years, I have built a thriving life coaching business where every day I help men and women navigate their lives so that they can be happy.
Making something of myself after being left behind by my husband enabled me to let go of the pain of the loss because I knew that I was amazing, that I could do anything and that any man who didn’t want to be with me was missing out.
What do you want to do? If you are struggling with letting go of love, it’s time to take that step. Be the person you’ve always wanted to be, do what you have always wanted to do.
#5 – Make a list of all you have to offer.
Those of us who are single all have a list of attributes that we want in a man. We want them to be smart and funny and handsome and athletic and successful and more. And, of course, we should want those things. Because we are awesome.
I always encourage my clients to not only make a list of the attributes they want in a man but to make a list of why a man would be lucky to have them.
My list looks something like this: I am a good friend, a great mother and an exceptional caregiver. I am tough as nails, I have lived all over the world, I am intelligent, funny, kind and successful at whatever I try. I am willing to take risks. I’m willing to make myself vulnerable. Any man would be lucky to have me.
I typed up this list and put it on my refrigerator. Every day, instead of reading a list of what I wanted in a man, I read a list of why a man should want to be with me. Every day I remind myself that loving myself is the key to letting go of the love that I have lost and finding a new love for my future.
Letting go of love with love for yourself is one of the healthiest ways to get through these difficult times.
It’s so easy to focus on everything that is wrong with you when you have been rejected but DON’T.
Do things to take care of yourself, do things to take care of the world, spend time with family and friends who love you, accomplish something and take stock of what an amazing woman you are.
I know it seems like the pain of your loss will last forever but I can promise you that learning to love yourself will help ease the pain in the short run and set you up to find the love of your life down the road.
You can do it!
Are you struggling with letting go of love and finding yourself?
I know it can be really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.