Are you wondering how to know if you are in a healthy relationship? Do you want to know what healthy relationships look like so that you can compare yours and see if anything is missing? Do you want to live happily ever after?
Let me help!
There ARE ways to know if you are in a healthy relationship. Read on to learn how.
#1 – Is communication easy?
Being able to talk about anything is the key to a healthy relationship.
Can you tell your partner when you don’t like something that he does? Or that seeing his mother EVERY Sunday is more than you would like? Or that you really don’t like extra sausage on your pizza? Or that that thing he likes to do in bed is just a little bit much for you?
Without honest communication, a relationship just cannot be healthy. Truth is the basis of any strong relationship that will last and if you can’t tell your partner what you need, or be receptive to what he does, then your relationship is doomed
So, work hard to be honest with your partner about everything in your life so that your relationship can stay healthy.
#2 – Is the sex fun?
Having a healthy sex life is an important part of every healthy relationship.
The thing about sex is that, because you are only having sex with one person, your relationship to that person is different from your relationship with every other person in your world. Your relationship is special because of the unique bond that is created by sex.
So, if your sex life is something that you just put up with, don’t really enjoy, or even dread, then it’s time to act. Think about what is lacking, what could be done differently, what exactly you need to get the zip back. Because without it, your relationship might be in trouble.
Talk to your partner about how you feel and figure out, together, how to make things work for both of you.
#3 – Are times with family and friends easy?
Having a good connection with your significant other’s friends and family is another really important part of a healthy relationship.
Do you enjoy the weekly meals with his family? The dinners out with his friends and their spouses? Cheering for his softball team every Thursday night?
Like it or not, when someone becomes part of a couple, their partner’s previous relationships come along too. And if you don’t get along with his friends and family it can cause a huge rift. He will want to spend time with all of you and if he is forced to choose he will resent it.
So, check in to see if you are both on board with liking each other’s friends. It’s important that you do. If you don’t, see if there are ways that you can work together to improve those relationships so that they don’t tear you and your loved one apart.
#4 – Is there respect not contempt?
Of course, it’s important to like and love the person with whom you are in a relationship. What is even more important is that you respect them.
When we first enter into a relationship, we think the person we are with is amazing. Everything that they say or do is just fine. But the longer a relationship continues, the more we get to know our partner. And with familiarity comes contempt.
Do you like the way your partner interacts with people? Do you respect the work that he does? Are you happy with the way he parents your kids?
If yes, yay! Make sure you tell him regularly. People like being told they are doing a good job.
However, if you are in a relationship with someone who you can’t respect, for whatever reason, who you regularly are critical of and treat with contempt, then you are in a relationship that won’t last.
Respecting the person you are with, respecting the choices that they make, the values they uphold, the way they are in the world, is an essential part of being happy together.
#5 – Is there lots of laughter?
Laughter is the number one aphrodisiac that I know of. People who can laugh together, often, will stay more attached, emotionally and physically, then those who don’t.
Do you and your partner laugh together and have fun together. Do you laugh often, even in times of stress? Do you like to do the same things? The things that make you both happy? Do you have inside jokes that only you share?
Make sure that you and your partner enjoy life together. You will be glad you did!
#6 – Do you want to spend time together?
This is a big one. Do you and your partner actually make an effort to spend time together? Or do you make excuses to not have to do so?
A client of mine would come up with every excuse in the world to not spend time with her husband. Once a week, and some weekends, she left her husband at home with the kids and went out and did other things. She tried to come home after he went to bed so that she didn’t have to deal with him. She was happier being away from him than with him.
Guess what happened! She and her husband become profoundly disconnected and he started spending more time with a female co-worker who DID want to spend time with him. That didn’t end well.
If you don’t want to spend time with your partner then your relationship is not healthy. Talk to your husband and try to figure out what you can do to get more connected.
#7 – Do you feel good about yourself?
Feeling good about yourself is key to a healthy relationship.
If you feel good about who you are in the world, if you don’t feel like you need someone to ‘complete you,’ if you know that you will be just fine alone, then you are in a place to have a healthy relationship.
People who are needy or clingy or fraught with insecurities do not make good partners.
So take care of yourself and be all that you can be so that you can be a positively contributing half of a healthy relationship.
#8- Do you have dreams for the future?
People in healthy relationships share their plans for the future.
They think about tomorrow, next week, next month and even next year.
They do so because they are invested in being together and part of being together is making plans for the future.
If either one of you isn’t interested in talking about the future then you are not in a relationship that has one.
Knowing how to tell if you are in a healthy relationship is a key part of having one.
Relationships are difficult and if you just let them sail along without paying any attention then they might very well founder. So good for you for paying attention!
Keep this checklist close and review it regularly. If you see anything amiss make an effort to fix it as soon as possible. Relationships can be irreparably damaged if they aren’t managed with care.
You can do this! It will be worth it.
Would you like to keep your relationship healthy?
Let me help!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.