Are you in a relationship right now that is making you unhappy. Are you scared about what’s next and wondering how to know when to let go of a lost love because right now you are feeling nothing but pain?
Let me help you.
Deciding to let go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that’s hard to let go of.
So how do you decide? Check out my list below. If any, or all, of these criteria fit your situation then perhaps it’s time to let go.
#1 – Your thoughts are only about him.
Do you spend much of your waking hours thinking about your man? Do you spend hours stalking him on social media, listening to songs that remind you of him, trying to figure out ways to run into him?
If the answers to the above questions are ‘yes,’ then you are actually experiencing something called obsessive love. Obsessive love is when one person feels an obsessive desire to possess and protect another person with an inability to accept rejection or failure.
Love is a wonderful, giving, open emotion. Obsession is a harsh, angry, destructive one.
So, if the love you feel for you man is obsession, then it’s definitely time to let go. It’s not healthy for either of you.
#2 – He gives you mixed messages.
Is your man alternating hot and cold? Does some days he seem like his loving self and then others he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with?
Unless your man has bi-polar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.
If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others then he isn’t making any effort at all to keep you.
So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.
#3 – He gives you nothing.
Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.
Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?
A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love.
Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don’t notice how little of it still exists. They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren’t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don’t notice that their man has completely checked out.
So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it’s time to let him go.
#4 – History keeps repeating itself.
Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?
Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you?
If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it’s time to let go.
#5 – When you believe that you can never love again.
Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love, or be loved, again?
Do you think about going back on Match.com or that you might have to attend the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?
If you are feeling this way then it’s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying with your guy because you are worried that there won’t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.
Because there will be another love out there for you but you will never find him if you are stuck a relationship that isn’t making you happy. If you can let go of this one then you will set yourself up, physically and energetically, to find that person who will love you forever.
I am guessing that you are reading this article because you suspect, deep down, that the relationship you are in isn’t the one for you. But it’s hard to admit this and even harder to let go.
It is essential, for your mental health and the health of your future love life, that you pay hard attention to whether it’s time to let go of a lost love.
Is he treating you well? Is the love you feel for him healthy? Are you worried you will never love again?
Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.
And just how do you do that? Check out this article: 5 Life Saving Ways to Let Go of Someone Who Doesn’t Love You so that You Can Be Happy. It will guide you, step by step, through a process that might be difficult but that will be worth it in the long run.
You CAN do this!
Are you struggling with figuring out when to let go of love?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.