Recently I asked a number of male friends what things men want from women, other than tons of sex. Without exception, they precluded their responses with If the answer can’t be about sex then I want….
Their answers surprised me so I am sharing them with you.
#1 – No sex is okay.
Interestingly, while lots of sex was theme for all of the guys, the option of NO sex was important as well.
Men love to have sex but they also want to feel confident that they can tell their partner that they can’t or don’t want to have sex and that it will be okay.
While to us women that might seem like not a big deal, to many men it is because so much of their identity is tied up in their sexuality.
So accept that sometimes your man can just say NO. Perhaps he will rub your feet instead…
#2 – Cease the Mission Creep.
Mission Creep? This is a term that I had never heard of before but all of my guys knew exactly what it was when I asked them.
The definition of Mission Creep: a gradual shift in objectives during the course of a military campaign, often resulting in an unplanned long-term commitment.
As applied to relationships, mission creep points to the shift that happens over time where a man is obliged to do whatever his woman wants. Dinner with her parents instead of a night out with the guys. Hanging out with her friends instead of his because she thinks they are bozos. No more martinis because they make him act stupid.
Rules. Rules that didn’t exist at the start of the relationship but crept in slowly.
The solution, as suggested by a man: 1. Manage the mission creep so that you are both happy with how things are going. 2. Give your man one weekend a month where he can do anything he wants (mostly).
Be honest with yourself. Is there mission creep in your relationship? If so, make a plan to change!
#3 – Remind him that he is special.
Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed and exhausting. At the end of the day who wants to put out any more energy than is necessary?
But think about it. Think about how amazing it would feel for your partner to bring you flowers or plan a night out or tell you that you are beautiful. Pretty amazing, right?
So do the same for your partner. One guy’s idea: Plan a weekend away. Arrange and pay for the room. Schedule something that I would want to do with you. Make it special for him.
Another guy said: Ask if I would like a beer. Or if I would like to sit and watch a movie with them. Or make me something to eat. Something that shows they are tuned into the smaller things in life that make me happy.
You get the idea. Run with it!
#4 – Let him be friends with girls.
This one is straightforward. Your guy had girl friends before you met him. They were his friends and he never slept with them or wanted a romantic relationship with them because they were his FRIENDS.
Why, if he is in a happy, committed relationship with you, would he want anything more from them now?
So trust him. Let him be friends with girls. You like being friends with girls because they are fun and willing to go deep and be thoughtful. Let him have girl friends who he can be himself with, where he has nothing to prove.
#5 – Think before you react.
One of my guys, one who I thought was not the kind of guy to do what he suggested, said the following:
Take a minute or two of contemplation to respond to a comment that might strike them as negative and discuss their feelings rather than jump to conclusions which get internalized.
This makes sense. And it’s incredibly difficult. To try to pause before you react, to understand where his statement is coming from so you can respond in a way that is productive and respectful.
Good advice. I was obviously wrong about this guy.
He finished the text with: then agree to get laid like the world is ending.
#6 – Walk around naked, dammit.
This guy’s response was so perfect that I am going to let him say it.
It’s that simple. Walk around naked. And if it feels better to walk around in your underpants or underwear, then okay, a little mystery is good too.
Need the garden edged? Prune the apple trees? Just call me when you’re wearing little-to-nothing.
We like your dimples, your rumples and, no matter what you might think, we find all of you sexy.
Okay…so that’s pretty simple. Get naked. Just as simple as taking off a few clothes when you do chores or hang out on the porch in your bikini. Yeah, that polka dot one….we LOVE it.
And it’s really not about sex. We just love you naked. You know that old joke: How to please a woman? A very long list follows. Flowers, dinner reservations, pay attention, listen, etc….How to please a man: show up naked, bring beer.
We all, men and women both, love being in a relationship. And we women usually know exactly what we want and our men do their best to provide those things for us.
But, so things don’t get lopsided, it’s important that we women know the things that men want from women.
So pay attention. Listen to what your guys wants and do it! See what happens.
I am guessing you will be happy you did….
Do you want to know more about men and what they want in relationships?
Let me help you before not knowing damages your relationship!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and let’s get started!
I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.