How To Stop Fighting With Your Husband In 2023 (5 Best Ways)
Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your husband? Has the frequency and intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?
Conflict. We all have it.
We get angry with our mothers, friends, bosses, and kids. It is our husbands, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our husbands can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.
Best Ways To Stop Fighting With Your Husband:
However, there are ways to get through conflict, which is way easier than one would think.
#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.
This is key.
If you talk to your husband angrily, you will say things you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause much pain and are not necessarily accurate.
Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you a chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about precisely what you are upset about, then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.
Also, don’t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Pick a time when you are calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of evil. Calm time can be hard to find, but you can find it when adequately motivated.
#2 – Do not attack.
This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.
Let’s say that your husband is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying, “You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk?” try saying, “It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner, and I miss it when you aren’t there.”
Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example, your husband will immediately get on the defensive, and the conversation will end before it begins.
In the second example, you are sharing how you FEEL, and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.
What is not the truth is that your husband is a jerk for coming home late.
#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.
This is very hard to do and can feel contrived, but it is crucial to listening and being heard.
It’s called a thoughtful response.
In the case of the example above, with the husband who didn’t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for him to say would be: “I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad.” With that statement, you know your husband has understood what you are trying to say, which might deflate the argument.
The worst thing you can do is yell back at them, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.
#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.
We all make mistakes. More often than not, our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn’t ideal.
A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows he promised her he would pick out. Furious, she said, ‘if you loved me, you would have picked out the windows.’
His mother had called when he was on his way, and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal, but it is why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love him.
Next time you react to something your husband does, take a moment to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won’t need the two hours to decompress after all.
#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.
This can be the hardest thing for people… to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most essential parts of any relationship.
Why don’t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can’t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?
Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you disagree with your husband, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates on both sides.
With the husband who came home late, he should start with, ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of his wife’s pain.
What shouldn’t be said is, “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad, BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. You caused pain, no matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.
Similarly, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions, you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions, and that life must move forward.
Arguing with your husband can be a common occurrence in any relationship. Still, it can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being when it becomes frequent and disruptive. Understanding the causes of your arguments, using effective communication strategies, preventing arguments before they happen, and dealing with ongoing issues are crucial steps to stopping fighting with your husband and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.
Remember that relationships take work, and moving past arguments and building stronger, healthier relationships is possible. Learning to stop fighting with your husband is vital to keeping your marriage healthy.
Conflict and the resulting anger with anyone can be devastating, especially with a partner. Left unchecked, anger can take on a life of its own and destroy everything in its path.
Don’t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.
And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a lovely peaceful, conflict-free evening.
Sounds worth it, no?
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I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.
Wise recommendations Mitzi…thanks. As someone who has worked with couples in conflict, I totally affirm the idea that, “when properly motivated you will find it” referring to a realistic time of day that is conducive to sharing.
No only do I agree with your ideas around timing, I know for a fact that couples MUST be consciously committed. That is, make the time a priority.
Refreshing sharing of important considerations to manage the inevitable conflicts that occur when 2 people share life together.
I try not to say much when I’m angry, but it’s easy to get “poked” ;D.
I know it’s so much better to talk when in a lighter, good mood. So true.
Wonder if you read the book, “You Can Be Happy No Matter What” … the author goes into that kind of stuff – moods.