How To Deal With Emotional Overwhelm and Make it Through the Day

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How to deal with emotional overwhelm when it seems simply impossible that you can get through the day?

Our modern lives arechaotic, jam-packed and exhausting and it can be hard to make it through the day when you are feelingoverwhelmed. And, because it seems that every day is the same, it can be very hard to get ahead of it all.

It IS possible to get through those daysoverwhelming, exhausting days. All it takes is a little awareness and intention and you can do it!

Here are 5 ways to do so.

#1 – Make a list and prioritize.

When you are feeling overwhelmed and tired, just thinking aboutall of the things that needs to be done can shut you down for the day. And shutting you down for the day is definitely not what you need because that will only lead to more overwhelm tomorrow!

A big part of overwhelm is knowing that you have a ton to do and lots of places to be but not knowing what exactly they are. The unknown can be petrifying.

So, take a minute and make a list of everything that you think needs to be done today. Once you have a list, underline everything that REALLY needs to be done today. And then take those underlined items and prioritize what needs to be done first, second and third.

If you know exactly what needs to be done, and you can look at it in front of you, your overwhelm will immediately subside. A big piece of overwhelm is the result of just not knowing what needs to be done. Making a list lets you figure it out.

#2 – Take it one step at a time.

Once you have your list, and know your priorities, it ‘ s important tostart at the beginning. And take it one step at a time.

Another cause of overwhelm is that, in our heads, we jump too quickly ahead or start to visualize an end result that isn ‘ t what we want it to be and so we get derailed.

I have a client who was going through a divorce and needed to create a division of assets proposal to bring to mediation. She absolutely could not get it done and her deadline was getting closer and closer.

We talked it through and I learned that she was very intimidated by creating the proposal and a big reason was that she had no idea what she wanted. So, I suggested we start at the beginning.

First, we identified the pieces of the proposal that needed to be accounted for – an accurate budget, an inventory of joint assets, the division of said assets and a request for alimony.

Once we knew what she needed, we set out gathering information, starting with the budget.

Creating her proposal was easy once she had gathered her information.

Take each item on your list individually. And if something unexpected gets in the way of your list, don ‘ t give up. Handle it and then get back to your list and keep moving forward.

#3 – Do something for yourself.

A key part of surviving through exhaustion and overwhelm is to dosomething to take care of yourself. When we are at the end of our rope our tendency is to put ourselves on the back burner and everyone and everything ahead of us.

It ‘ s important that we take even just a little bit of time to do something for ourselves and recharge our batteries.

What would work for you? Perhaps it ‘ s a walk or a run, a mid-morning croissant snack, tea with a friend, a pedicure or even a massage. Whatever would work for you to make your day just a little more manageable. And ease the overwhelm.

#4 – Remember to eat and eat well.

When we are running around like crazy we tend to forget to eat. Or, if we do eat, we eat something that isn ‘ t good for us.

An important part of fighting overwhelm is to make sure that we eat well, food that will fuel our journey through the day.

What kind of food? Protein is the most important – eggs, nuts, chicken, cheese. Make sure to eat a good breakfast and lunch or, at the very least, keep some protein with you to snack on. A bag of almonds in the glove box can make a huge difference.

#5 – Take a cat nap.

I know you are laughing at the thought of fitting a nap into your crazy day but if you possibly can it will make a HUGE difference.

Cat naps are proven to increase your alertness, speed up your motor performance, improve your accuracy and decision making, reduce stress and boost your creativity.

I am the queen of the 20 minutes nap in the car. I pull over in the shade or sun, depending on the season, put my seat back and snooze for 20 minutes. When I wake up my energy levels are definitely up and I can get through the rest of my day.

So, try to make some time to snooze. It will be totally worth it!

This crazy modern life we lead makes it important that understand how to deal with emotional overwhelm so we can get through our day.

And, since tropical vacations aren ‘ t usually available to help us recharge, it ‘ s important that we do what we can do to get through the day.

So make a list, set your priorities and take care of yourself. If you can take care of yourself then you will better be able to take care of others. And get yourself through the day intact and ready for another one tomorrow.

You can do it!

Are you struggling with emotional overwhelm?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

5 Ways to Keep Your Relationship Healthy When You Feel Your Guy Pulling Away

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Is your guy pulling away? Would you do anything to keep your relationship healthy and your guy right by your side?

In spite all of our best intentions, at some point or another in a relationship someone starts pulling away. The reasons why are many and varied but the reality is that, no matter what the cause, having someone you love pull away is incredibly painful. And causes tremendous anxiety.

Luckily, there are things that you can do to keep your relationship healthy even if your guy is pulling away, healthy enough so that you can find you way back to each other.

#1 – Give him some space.

Our first reaction when we feel our guy pulling away is to hang on tighter. Let me tell you, this NEVER works.

I have a client who was dating someone who asked for some time to figure some things out. What did she do? She tried to pull him in tighter. She was scared that she would lose him if she didn’t.

She wanted to be with him all the time and when she wasn ‘ t with him she would text him constantly, wondering where he was. She stalked him on social media to see what he was up to. She made sure that she would ‘ ˜just happen to run into him ‘ at the gym.

What happened? Not only did her guy pull away but he ran away. He needed some space to figure some things out and she didn ‘ t give it to him. Instead, she suffocated him. So, he left.

If your man needs some space, give it to him. Let him figure out whatever it is that he needs to figure out. And when he does, and he realizes that he misses you, come back he will.

#2 – Continue to be yourself.

One thing that many women do when their man starts to pull away from them is to stop being themselves. They figure that if they can just be super nice, not nag, not complain and bend over backwards to please their man then he will come back.

It doesn ‘ t work that way.

If your man is pulling away, it is essential that you continue to be yourself. Who you are is who your man fell in love with. He isn ‘ t going to stay in love some second-rate version of you, one who caters to his every whim.

So, continue to be your strong, independent self. Keep your relationship healthy by staying who you are. Continue being someone any man would want to come back to.

#3 – Don ‘ t make it all about you.

Men pull away from women in relationships for many different reasons. Sometimes it is because they are finding themselves not satisfied in a relationship and they want to get out. But, more often than not, they have their own thing going on and they want space to process it.

Unfortunately, when men do that women want to know exactly what is going on.

We assume that his actions are a reflection of us and our behaviors and we need to ‘ ˜talk ‘ about it. And talk and talk and talk about it. Or we become overly emotional and clingy and desperate to change things. And nothing drives a guy away faster than an overly emotional, clingy and desperate woman who wants to talk.

So, if your guy is pulling away, ask him directly if what he is processing has to do with you. Tell him that you want to know so that you don ‘ t have to wonder. If he says it IS about you, then you can start to work on that with him.

If, however, he tells you clearly that it ‘ s not about you, let it go. It ‘ s really not about you and all of the time sitting around ‘ ˜talking about it ‘ isn ‘ t going to change that.

Step away, let him process his stuff and know that when he figures it out he will come back to you. And by not taking it personally you will actually be a person he wants to come back to.

#4 – Assess whether you are happy in the relationship.

I remember so well when my last boyfriend started to pull away from me. It kind of came out of nowhere and I didn ‘ t understand it.

As soon as I felt him pulling away I set in to fix it. I became ultra-supportive and loving. I made his favorite dinners and went out with his friends, who I didn ‘ t really like. I worked really hard to be the person that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Or who I THOUGHT he wanted to be with.

And then, one day, it hit me. Did I want to be in a relationship with this guy? Was I clinging to him so that I could save our relationship or was I doing so because I didn ‘ t want to be ALONE??

Fortunately I realized before it was too late that I didn ‘ t want to be in a relationship with him. That I wanted out, even if I didn’t really want to be alone. So, I left him.

It ‘ s better to be the one leaving than the one left, so pay attention to how you REALLY feel about this guy!

#5 – Get on with your life.

For many of us, when we feel our man pulling away, we put our life on hold. We immerse ourselves in why our man is leaving us, why he doesn ‘ t want to be with us. We put our friends, our families and our work on hold just so that we can be there for him if he needs us.

This is a bad idea. If our man is pulling away it is even more important that we get on with our life, that we still be the person that we are. Because if you want your man to come back to you, you want to be the person who he wants to come back to.

So, sure you can continue to be there for your guy but don ‘ t sacrifice your life in the meantime. A one-sided relationship, where it ‘ s all about one person, is not a healthy relationship.

We woman are healers and fixers and we think that if we try hard enough we can save our man from himself. And, while that ‘ s a great idea, it just isn ‘ t true.

Make sure you give your guy his space, to figure out his issues on his own. Don ‘ t lose who you are or how you live your life, make sure you know what you want and don ‘ t make it all about you.

Make sure you maintain a healthy relationship, one that you both will chose to come back to.

You can do it!

Is your guy pulling away?
I know it’s really, really hard. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

How To Organize Your Life When You Feel Overrun By Chaos

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Do you often wonder how to organize your life when you are feeling totally overwhelmed by it all?

Is the chaos that is your daily life become just too much to bear?

Let me help!

There ARE things that you can do to get the chaos under control and get things done ‘ ¦.

#1 – Take a few deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stopbreathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

When you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Identify the chaos.

One of the reasons it’s hard to think straight when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what isspecifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she hadno energy to get anything done, she was aways yelling at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and we were able to flesh out exactly what was overwhelming her. She had bills that needed to be paid but didn ‘ t know when. She had money coming in but didn ‘ t know how much. On top of that, there were a million little tasks that needed to get done and she wanted to exercise.

Her mind was just a jumble. She couldn ‘ t move forward.

The good thing was that once we identified what was overwhelming her we were able to start working on a solution.

#3 – Make a list.

An important part of getting things done is to keep a running list.

I used to recommend that clients get a small spiral bound notebook to write down things that need to be done as they think of them. So many of us remember things that need to get done while driving but then forget them by the time we get home. If you have a notebook with you at all times you can keep a running list. And if you have a bound notebook instead of a scrap of paper you are less likely to lose it!

Of course, many of my clients now like to keep their list on their phones. Whatever works for you!!

I had my client make a list of everything that needed to be done. She added to it as new things come and crossed things out that got done (a very satisfying thing indeed).

Just seeing all of her tasks written down on paper calmed her down because it wasn ‘ t all jumbled around in her brain but was there in front of her, clear as a bell.

#4 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm and made a list of the tasks at hand, it is time to make aplan. Without a plan, the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client, she knew that she had to pay her bills. We worked together to first figure out what was coming in when because understanding that she had some money helped relieve the anxiety around having to parcel it out.

Once we had figured out how much money she had, we built a calendar of what was coming in when and what was due when and then mapped out a plan to make sure everything was paid on time.

When she paid a bill she crossed that one off. When a new one came in she added it. Her bills were organized on her calendar, instead of jumbled in her brain, and they got paid!

#5 – Use a calendar and make a schedule.

The most important part of anorganized life is a calendar and aschedule.

I encouraged my client to sit down every Sunday night with her calendar and her list and charts out EVERYTHING that is happening in the week ahead.

What do I mean by everything?

  • Herworkschedule
  • Her kids ‘ schedule
  • Any appointments that her family might have
  • Time for herself
  • Time for her and her spouse
  • Time spent on social media
  • Things from her list
  • Anything else that might need to be accounted for

Once she makes her schedule, she underlines in RED those things that are priorities and cannot be moved.

As the week progresses, she looks at her calendar daily to adjust it as necessary but if something must get moved, it gets moved immediately so that it doesn ‘ t fall off her calendar and get forgotten.

She makes her calendar, she keeps it with her, she updates it regularly and makes it the blueprint of her life.

#6 – Get help.

It is essential for women overrun by chaos to get help where they need it.

Some women struggle with keeping the finances straight or cleaning the house or cooking dinner. If you need help, get it! Find someone to help you clean or cook or manage your money.

It ‘ s really okay to not do everything yourself.

If an accountant or a cleaning lady is not in your budget, figure out some other way to get help. Your partner and your kids are the most obvious first choices in the help department. They can all help with the cooking and the cleaning and maybe even the finances. They may complain but they CAN do it!

You can also call on your friends to support you and you can support them as well. When my kids were young, the moms all took turns after school taking the kids to various activities. Each of us committed 1 day a week to being the driver, leaving the other 4 days after school open for work or other things.

Either way, you DON ‘ T have to do everything yourself. Ask for help. You will be glad you did.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

#8 – Take care of yourself.

More than anything, at the top of the list of how to organize your life when you are overrun by chaos is self-care.

Imagine that you have read the list above and are raring to go – to make a list, to create a plan, to get a calendar, and to get help. You are so excited to get it done and then ‘ ¦.you are so tired on Sunday that you spend the day in front of the TV instead and never get started.

Taking care of ourselves is a key to organizing our lives in the midst of chaos. It is important that we get enough sleep every night, eat a diet that includes at least some fresh fruits and vegetables and that we get at least a little aerobic exercise weekly. If you can add a massage or a pedicure in there even better.

In order to be able to think clearly and act efficiently we need to be healthy. These days it is almost badge of honor in our society to be so overworked that we are exhausted but don ‘ t kid yourself. That kind of living is unsustainable and will ultimately stop you short.

So, when you are building your calendar on Sunday night, make sure you make room in there to take care of yourself. If you don ‘ t, you could be doomed to fail.

Now that you know how to organize your life when the chaos is just too much, are you ready to change things up?

Take some deep breaths, RIGHT NOW. Clear your head and make your list. If that ‘ s all you can do, fine. Come back to that list tomorrow and make a plan, build a calendar and follow through.

You CAN DO IT!!!!

Are you struggling with organization?
I know it’s really, really frustrating. Let me help!
Email me at [email protected] and let’s get started!

 

6 Things To Help With Depression When You Simply Can’t Stay Down

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Are you looking for some things that you can do to help with depression when you simply can ‘ t stay down?

Do you have days where you wake up depressed and wonder how you are going to get through your day? Where you know that you have to function but you just don ‘ t know how?

There are things that you can do RIGHT NOW to bring yourself out of your depression if you really need to. Let me help!

#1 – Get some exercise.

One of the quickest and most effective ways to alleviate depression is getting some exercise.

Exercise produces endorphins, chemicals that elevate your mood. So, simply put, it ‘ s mighty difficult to be depressed when endorphins are racing through your body.

And don ‘ t think that you have to go for a long run or hit the gym (although you certainly can). Research shows that all it takes is 30 minutes of exercise that raises your heart rate to get those endorphins raging.

So go for a walk, dance around your living room, play with your kids. Whatever you can do get that heart rate elevated and those endorphins activated.

#2 – Eat a good breakfast.

I know. Eating when you are depressed can seem almost impossible. But eating a healthy, protein filled breakfast is an excellent way to elevate your mood.

Seratonin, another chemical mood enhancer, is produced by the breakdown of proteins in the body. Eating a protein rich breakfast will, like exercise, produce chemicals in your body that alleviate depression.

So make yourself some eggs for breakfast. Or maybe some yogurt with fruit and nuts. Perhaps a chia seed pudding. Even cereal with milk will give you a good protein and serotonin boost first thing in the morning to get you on your way.

#3 – Have sex.

There are two things that happen when you have sex. The first is that you feel emotionally connected to someone and the second is that your orgasm generates all sorts of feel good chemicals – chemicals that once again counteract that depressed feeling.

The other thing that happens is that sex keeps your mind off your depression and an excellent way to get rid of depression is to ignore it completely. Without your attention depression tends to slink away, unhappy that it isn’t occupying your every thought.

So have sex. You will be glad you did!

#4 – Schedule a coffee with a friend

I know that when you are feeling depressed, getting out and talking with someone, anyone, seems daunting. But it has been proven that spending time with loved ones elevates one ‘ s mood every time.

When we spend time with friends, the love and laughter that we share trigger those feel good chemicals, dopamine and serotonin. So just by interacting with someone, sharing words and thoughts and laughs, you can raise your mood.

#5 – Smile.

Did you know that the act of smiling actually elevates one ‘ s mood?

The act of smiling, of your muscles working together to turn your mouth upwards, activates the release of those mood enhancing chemicals – dopamine, endorphins and serotonin. Once again, your body will be flooded with things that will reduce your depression immediately.

#6 – Do something nice for someone else.

An excellent way to lift your depression is to do something nice for someone else.

This world that we live in can be a very challenging place, with people rushing around with their own agendas, caught up in their worries. You are probably that way too.

So think about what it feels like when someone does something nice for you.

How about that gentleman who opened the door for you? Or the barista who put an extra shot in your cup, no charge. Or the lady who ushered you forward in the grocery line because you only had one item. Didn ‘ t those small things make you feel great?

Do those kind of small things for someone else. Make someone else ‘ s life a better place. By doing so, you will once again activate those feel good chemicals in your body, ones that will wash that depression away.

So you see there ARE things that you can do to help get rid of depression when you simply can ‘ t be down.

Get some exercise, eat well, fool around, hang out with friends, smile and help others. All of those things will take you outside of yourself and make you feel better.

You CAN DO IT!

Author ‘ s note: If your depression doesn ‘ t get lifted, or comes back, it is essential that you see your primary care doctor right away, to make sure that it doesn ‘ t get worse and so that you can be happy.

What Are Healthy Relationship Boundaries and How Do I Get Them?

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Have you been told that you need to develop some healthy relationship boundaries?

Are you eager to do so but do you have no idea where to start?

Let me help!

To understand healthy relationship boundaries look at the four walls of your house. Those walls are the structure that holds your life together. They hold your food and your bed and your possessions and it ‘ s where you live your life.

Healthy relationship boundaries are the same as those four walls of your house. They are the things that support your relationship as it grows. To have a healthy relationship, one that can grow and be fruitful, it is important that it has structures, boundaries, that support it.

Healthy relationship boundaries come in many shapes, sizes and colors. Really, it ‘ s important for each couple to decide what works for them. But there are a few boundaries that are essential for every healthy relationship.

#1 – Don ‘ t let one person be in charge.

In many relationships it happens that at some point one person becomes the one calling the shots. And while this seems to work on one level, ultimately the relationship will become uneven. And when things are uneven a relationship changes.

So make an effort to keep the decision making even in the relationship. If you are good at organizing your social life then do that but give him opportunity to choose events. If he is good at managing the finances let him do that but continue to have input into where the money goes and why.

Letting your relationship become uneven allows it to slip into a sort of parent/child dynamic, where one person is in charge and the other does as they are told. Does that sound like a healthy relationship to you?

Not so much.

#2 – Respect each other.

One of the biggest romance killers in a relationship is lack of respect and contempt.

The saying ‘ ˜familiarity breeds contempt ‘ is an accurate one and something that happens in many committed relationships.

It is important in every relationship that you each respect each other. Respect each other within the confines of your relationship by speaking to each other honestly, sharing your feelings and needs in an open way. By not attacking each other personally and criticizing each other ‘ s behaviors and actions.

Furthermore, it ‘ s important to not criticize your partner out in the world. The general rule of thumb is that you not tell something about your partner to anyone that you haven ‘ t already shared with your partner.

When I was married, I talked to my friends WAY more about the problems in my marriage than I did to my husband. This didn ‘ t do our relationship any good because we weren ‘ tcommunicatingand giving our relationship a chance to improve. And when we were together I treated my husband with contempt because I no longer respected him.

I am no longer married.

So make sure you treat each other with respect, both inside and outside the relationship.

#3 – Don ‘ t lose yourselves.

So many women, when they are in a relationship, become less of themselves.

Many women take on their partner ‘ s friendships, their hobbies and their ways of doing things.

It is VERY important that all womenstay themselveswhen in a relationship.

Why? Because every healthy relationship is based on truth and if you are anything other than your true self your relationship will never be really healthy.

It is also important that you continue to respect yourself and you will respect yourself by being yourself. By continuing to have your friends, to do your own hobbies, to have a career that you love and a healthy lifestyle that serves you, you will wake up every day feeling good about yourself.

And when you feel good about yourself your partner will love you even more because he knows you are being your true self, someone who is ambitious and smart and willing to take risks to get what she wants.

So be yourself in your relationship. Ahealthy relationshiprequires it.

#4 – Spend time apart.

When they are falling in love, couples want to spend every available minute together. The feelings that accompany falling in love are addictive and hard to walk away from even for a short while.

It is important, however, that you spend time apart from the one you love.

You know the old saying ‘ ˜absence makes the heart grow fonder? ‘ It ‘ s true!

Think about how you feel when you go on a diet. How you can ‘ t eat ice cream for a month while you lose those 5 pounds and, man, do you miss your ice cream. It ‘ s the same thing in a relationship. Stepping away from your partner, even for a bit, makes you both notice the void that is created in his or her absence.

And then the heart grows fonder.

So spend some time apart. Miss each other. Value each other. Keep that spark alive.

#5 – Be flexible.

I have a client who recently bought a house for herself and her boyfriend moved in with her. Right away they had issues because it was her house and she wanted to do things her way and that just wasn ‘ t okay with him.

It is important that everyone be flexible in a relationship. Just like you would at work or with your family, it is important to work with your partner so that you can both live a life that is authentic to you.

You know the phrase ‘ My way or the highway? ‘ That phrase has no place in any healthy relationship.

So embrace flexibility. Choose the things that are important to you and stay true to them but be willing to see what might be important to your man and work with him so that you both can live a life that makes you happy. Together and apart.

Examining what are healthy relationship boundaries is an excellent way to ensure that you have a good strong relationship that will last forever.

Relationships are built from two people who have two separate lives and two separate ways of living. It is important that the couple build a new life together. A new life with four walls that will keep it safe and strong.

So don ‘ t let one of you be in charge, respect each other, like yourself, spend time apart and be flexible.

Talk to your partner and build your house from a place of love and beauty and self-confidence, one that will be strong enough to stand the test of time and allow your relationship to be a healthy one.

You can do it!

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