5 Reasons People Becomes Happier After A Divorce

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Can divorce make you happier? Let me tell you a story…

I remember I would wake up in the morning, looking forward to my day, and then would roll over and see the still warm, empty space next to me in bed. My stomach would sink. My husband had gone to the gym and I was glad because that meant I wouldn ‘ t have to see him.

As the day progressed we occasionally talked on the phone, mostly about bills and the kids ‘ schedules and whether he would make it home in time for dinner. Communications about the running of our family business. We were good at that.

I remember seeing his car drive in the driveway every night and thinking, ‘ Ok. This is it. Tonight I am going to hug him and be happy to see him. ‘ And he would walk in the door and go right to the stack of mail and rifle through it, something he knew I hated. There would be a perfunctory kiss, he would get a drink or two, and we would spend the rest of the night operating in parallel, dealing with homework and bedtime.

My husband and I never fought, but we were both desperately unhappy. 18 years of a thousand little cuts, of unresolved conflicts, of the contempt of the familiar, had wrought serious damage.

And even though we barely existed in the same space I really believed that somehow we would find our way back to each other. We had shared dreams for the future after all and how could we let those go?

One day he told me he wanted a divorce. He didn’t want to work on our marriage. He was done.

I was devastated.

What followed was one long year of divorce proceedings. It wasn’t very pleasant. And then it was all over. 18 years of marriage. Done.

Despite all of that, or perhaps because of it, here I am, 6 years later, living a life that is happier than I ever could have imagined. Yes, it is different from the one I thought I would be living with my husband, but it is most notably different because I am happy. Truly happy.

How can that be? Let me go on…

#1 – Your Kids Will Thrive:

The first thing that my son said to me when he learned we were separating was ‘ Good. Because I hate coming home. There is always so much tension. ‘ And this was true. Now, when he comes home, either to me or to his dad ‘ s, his home is cleared of the anger that used to cloud it.

My kids also now have a much better relationship with their dad. Before the divorce, I came between them. They spent more time with me and saw how unhappy I was, and they distanced themselves from him. Now they see their dad separately from me, and it has made them all closer, which is a gift.

Because I talk to them more openly than I did before, and I understand what went wrong with my marriage, my kids have a much clearer picture of what it takes to make a relationship work. That is something that I wish I had had when entering my marriage.

My kids are doing great in more ways than one. And that to me, is the most important thing.

#2 – No More “Thousand Little Cuts.”:

You know what I am talking about. Every day there was some kind of slight, big or small. The mail that was rifled through, the 3rd drink, the coming home late again, the snapping. We were constantly at each other, not overtly, but in ways that caused pain. We had unresolved issues and tons of resentment. We struggled to stay calm in each other’s presence. We lived in the same house but were always lonely.

My days are filled with happiness and contentment that I haven ‘ t known in a long time. I wake up in the morning without that sinking feeling in my stomach. I spend my days working, being with the kids, and living my life without the constant dread of the next little thing coming that would cause me pain.

This has made me a better person and a better mother. And have I mentioned it? Happier.

#3 – New Friendships:

One of the most beautiful parts of my single life is the number of new friendships I have developed.

When married, we tend to insulate ourselves from the rest of the world because of our relationship. We might have friends in other couples, but our primary relationship is with our spouse.

Now I have many friends of all different stripes who make my life fuller every day. And they say that good friendships are the number one cause of sustained happiness. How lucky am I?

#4 – Being Your Own Person:

For years I identified myself as someone ‘ s wife. Yes, I was a successful mom, realtor, and life coach, but every decision that I made about my life was made in consideration of my relationship with my spouse.

Now I live life the way I want to. Yes, I have my obligations to my kids and my job, and the US Treasury Department, but I get to live in a way that makes my heart sing.

I recently moved from Vermont to New York City, have a thriving life coaching business, and volunteer extensively with the National Alliance on Mental Illness. All things that I love.

The life that I am leading makes me happy every day.

#5 – A Life Full of Hope:

When I was married, I was so lonely and sad that I never had any hope for the future. When you live a life mired in unhappiness, positive thoughts for the future are impossible.

Now I know that the sky is the limit. I can have all the personal success I want as long as I am willing to go for it. I have my own business, of which I am proud, my kids are turning into amazing adults, and I have a man I love deeply with whom I hope to spend the rest of my life.

I have been through a lot, but it makes me who I am today. And I love who I am today ‘ ¦

When Angelina Jolie filed for divorce from Brad Pitt last year, her lawyer said she ‘ did it for the health of her family. ‘ A reporter declared, ‘ Love is Dead. ‘

I would say that love is not dead but very much alive. Angelina, recognizing that her marriage could not be salvaged, made the difficult decision to get out of it for her own health and her family’s health. So that they all could have the chance to be happy again; it is the end of something that wasn’t working and the beginning of something that will. An actual act of love.

I am not saying you should walk out on your marriage, but I encourage you to consider the bigger picture ‘ ¦your happiness and those around you. As I have said before, if you live a life that makes your heart sing, those you love will be better for it.

I am living proof that it happens. The photo at the top of this blog is me!

 

You must be struggling with your divorce if you have read this far.

 

Let me help you NOW so that you can start moving forward with your life!

 

Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Things to Do Now Summer is Over

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Two days of the year mark major times of transition – Labor Day and New Year ‘ s Day.

Both days mark the end of a season and the beginning of a period when things shift. Both days are full of the possibilities of great things to come.

Labor Day just happened, which means one question – what kind of things to do now that summer is over?

It ‘ s important not to let this time of transition slip by you without standing still and taking notes. Times of transition are when important things happen. Who wants to miss out on that?

So pay attention. Life is short. Don ‘ t let it pass you by.Here is my latest…

#1 – Take A Deep Breath:

Summer is always a crazy time. School is out, and routines are broken. The weather is great, and you want to be outside. There are BBQs with friends and family reunions. The kids are out of school, and you are all running from activity to activity.

And now it’s over. You must pause, if only for a moment but hopefully more, and take a deep breath.

Think about your summer. What was joyous, and what was not so much? Think about the time spent with family and friends. Think about the conversations and insights, and experiences that you had.

Remember, consider, and relish the summer of 2016.

Why? Because what happened this summer could influence what comes next for you. In many ways, you are not the same person you were on July 4th.

#2 – Choose A Room And Clean It Out:

Nothing helps clear the head during the transition, like cleaning a room. Something about the energy of throwing away all that stuff works wonders for gaining some clarity and vision.

So choose a room, the laundry room, the closet, or the garage. Allot a few hours on a Saturday and go at it.

Choose a corner of the room, a garbage bag in hand, and throw things away. Things that you aren ‘ t using that are broken, that are expired. Put them in that garbage bag. Things you are still using and keeping get placed back where they belong.

If you aren ‘ t sure whether or not something needs to be thrown out, consider when the last time was that you touched that thing or even thought about it. If it was over 3 months ago, it ‘ s gone. Acknowledge and be thankful for its role in your life, and then say goodbye.

Work your way around the room, repeating this process. Don ‘ t skip ahead. Do all four sides of the room.

When you are done, notice where you are; you will feel lighter and more clearheaded about what you want. And later on, if you start to feel overwhelmed, visit that cleaned-out room. You will be glad you did.

#3 – Take A Good Hard Look At What You Want For Your Life:

Every year at New Year we make resolutions. Resolutions about how things are going to be different this year. We will be happier. We will be nicer to our spouses. We will excel at work.

More often than not, those resolutions fall by the wayside.

One big reason that resolutions fail is that we make them without looking at how they fit into our lives. Can we decide to be happier? To be nicer to our spouse? To be more patient at work? Not so much.

To stick to a resolution, you have to define how you can make changes within the parameters of your life. To be happier, you need to know what makes you unhappy. To be nicer to your spouse, you must examine why you aren ‘ t nice to them now. And why ARE you so impatient with your co-workers?

Take some time and identify where you are in your life. Are you living a life that makes you happy? That makes you proud? Is that consistent with the life goals you set for yourself when you were younger?

Make resolutions for the fall. And examine how you can make them stick. Remember, now is your time.

#4 – Make A List of What Next Steps To Take:

A big part of keeping your resolutions is listing what will help you stick to them. To live the life of your dreams.

Would being happier mean that you spend an hour a day painting? Or perhaps mentoring a child in need? Or dancing around the kitchen before dinner?

What would have to happen for you to be nicer to your spouse? Would identifying what makes you unkind be a good first step?

Would take a deep breath before speaking help? Perhaps recognizing that you need to take a bigger approach and seek counseling?

And what about your patience at work? Is it a pesky co-worker or boss? Is it boredom or frustration? Would working on your resume so you can transition to a new job make it better?

Make a list. Think about those resolutions and picture how you can make them happen. And then write it down. And then read it. And then take action.

You can do it!

#5 – Do Something Really Fun For Yourself:

Yes, I have challenged you to reach for some lofty goals. And I hope you will take me up on the challenge.

But first, do something for yourself. Something that makes your heart sing. It can be anything.

Reread the whole Harry Potter series. Buy every kind of Ben and Jerry ‘ s and try a new flavor every night. Go to Victoria ‘ s Secret and buy something that makes you feel great. Take your car out on a back road and drive fast, sun-roof open, music blaring.

The sky is the limit. And it ‘ s yours for the taking.

Summer was wonderful and is now over. Fall and winter approach.

Take the time to look at your life and make sure you are consciously doing things now that summer is over but also make sure you take care of yourself along the way.

Remember. You only have one life to live. Make sure that it ‘ s the life you have always wanted. Full of joy, purpose, and love.

Looking for more ideas about living the life of your dreams? Contact me now, and let’s get started.

5 Reasons Why Women Should Vote In US Elections

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I have spoken with many women how have said that they just aren ‘ t going to vote. I always respond, ‘ But you have to! ‘

According to exit polls, 53 percent of people who voted in the 2012 election were women. In most states, more women than men are registered to vote, and there is a much higher turnout rate for women at the polls.

These numbers mean power. And it’s time for women to wield that power.

#1 – To honor the women who came before:

The battle for a woman ‘ s right to vote started in the early 1800s with Susan B. Anthony and Lucretia Mott, among others, working hard to establish women ‘ s equality with men.

For almost 100 years, women fought for that equality, part of which was the right to vote. They were humiliated and discriminated against, the subject of derision and sometimes violence for their efforts. They didn ‘ t give up. Even when imprisoned and forced to hunger strike, these women fought on.

It wasn ‘ t until 1920 that the US government passed the 19th Amendment, granting women the right to vote. Even so, many states didn ‘ t ratify the amendment for years. Mississippi didn ‘ t do so until 1984, 60 years later and only 32 years ago.

32 years ago, women in Mississippi could not vote.

Don ‘ t take a right to vote for granted. It was hard fought for, and we women must proudly exercise our rights.

#2 – To honor the women we are now:

Much is being said these days about the persistent lack of equality for women worldwide. Women make less money on the dollar than men in the workplace. Ambitious women are labeled ‘ bitches. ‘ Women are discriminated against for getting pregnant or caring for children. Women are subjected to emotional and physical abuse by bosses and husbands.

It is time for this to end. And it will only end if we women take a stand.

In her book Lean In, Sheryl Sandberg talks about how women are held back but also how we hold ourselves back. She makes the argument that women need to advocate more for themselves, to believe themselves equal to men, to not allow discrimination to hold them back from anything.

She says that it is up to us to change our stars. No one else will do it for us.

Voting is one way for us to do this, to ‘ Lean In.” We have the right to vote. We have the right to have a say in our nation’s politics. We have the right to use our voices, which we often only whisper with, to bring about real change.

#3 – Because every vote counts:

I know it doesn ‘ t seem that way. Presidents have been elected, although they didn ‘ t win the popular vote. But your vote matters, particularly in your home state.

Each state has a different number of electoral votes, which is based on the total of all of its representatives in Congress, both in the House of Representatives and the Senate. A candidate needs 270 of those electoral votes to win the presidency.

In most states, for a candidate to win that state and its corresponding electoral votes, he or she must receive the majority of the popular vote. This is where your vote counts. Your vote will contribute towards a candidate winning or losing, a state which will determine the outcome of the presidential campaign.

If you don ‘ t cast your vote, your candidate could lose your state and, ultimately, the presidency.

#4 – Because important women ‘ s issues are now at stake:

More than ever, important women ‘ s issues are at stake, and the next president could have a huge hand in which direction those women ‘ s issues go.

At issue right now is:
*A woman ‘ s right to access Planned Parenthood
*Paid family leave
*Income equality
*Minimum wage increases
*Debt-free education

The outcome of these issues will greatly impact our lives and the lives of our daughters and granddaughters. We can ‘ t just sit back and think that ‘ everyone else ‘ will do this. We need to exercise our right to make a real difference by voting.

#5 – To set a good example for our children:

I remember in 1976; my mother took me with her to vote. It was the year that Jimmy Carter was running against Gerald Ford. This was not a campaign that had electrified the nation.

I remember driving to the voting booth and my mother telling me about my great-grandmother (and namesake), who fought for the right to vote, and how her lawyer husband fought alongside her (and got her out of jail when imprisoned). She impressed upon me the importance of voting out of respect for our grandmothers and those who fought alongside them.

I went into the voting booth with her and watched her cast her vote. And we got ‘ I VOTED ‘ stickers afterwards, which was huge.

Our children increasingly take a right to vote for granted and are disillusioned by modern politics. We need to teach them to demonstrate to them how important this fundamental American right is.

And how by doing so they can make a real difference.

Every American has the right to vote, which shouldn ‘ t be ignored, dismissed, or taken for granted. Without it our country would be a different place.

And we women have the power to change things in so many ways. Voting is one of them. So get out and vote this year.

Let’s change the world!

Have you let go of love and are struggling withthecurrent state of politics?
Let me help NOW, so you can get through it and move on!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Stay Calm in the Middle of Chaos

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Ok. It ‘ s bedtime. You know the drill. Homework is being wrapped up; teeth are being brushed; the next day’s school clothes are being chosen, lost books are being retrieved, and that last text message is being sent.

And everybody is calmly taking care of their business as you supervise from your easy chair, right? NOT!

Bedtime is chaos. Getting off to school is chaos. Doing homework and making dinner is chaos. Your life is chaos.

Sometimes it ‘ s hard to stay patient in the middle of it all.

There are ways to manage the chaos without breaking down and screaming, which might make you feel better in the moment but is rarely a good motivator. And something you always regret.

Here are my ideas for 5 Ways for Moms to Stay Calm in the Middle of Chaos – Even if Losing It Seems Inevitable. I will use bedtime as an example to work from.

#1 – Stay aware:

Bedtime is chaotic, jam-packed, and exhausting. Every night. It ‘ s just the nature of the beast. If you go into it remembering that it is chaotic, jam-packed, and exhausting, you will have a better chance of managing it without losing it.

Before it begins, take a minute (or more if you have it). Take a deep breath. Have a cup of tea. Whatever it will take to get your calm on, go for it.

If you enter a situation already stressed out, having just finished a work call or throwing the dishes in the dishwasher, chances are you will break much quicker than if you go calm.

#2 – Ask for help:

There are usually two grown-ups in the house at bedtime. Don ‘ t try to do it all yourself. It ‘ s something that we moms try to do. Everything. And it usually doesn ‘ t end well.

Divide and conquer. Each of you takes a child. Or one person manages teeth brushing while the other helps pack up homework. Define your tasks clearly, so everyone knows and sticks to their job.

And don ‘ t let the kids play you off each other. Remember that you are a team and that you are bigger than those little people who are trying to run all over you.

#3 – Declare if you are escalating:

I don ‘ t know about you, but I tend to keep my frustration bottled up, allowing them to slowly build until I erupt with loud, ugly words. My kids then looked at me like I was crazy because they had no idea how the night approached me.

Let your kids know if you start to escalate. I use a 10-point scale: 1 being calm and 10 being at the edge. ‘ Hey kids, ‘ I say, ‘ Mom is at a 5. Can we please calm down and get into bed. ‘

This lets the kids know that your frustration is mounting so that perhaps they can tweak their behaviors to prevent the eruption of Mt. Mom.

#4 – Take a deep breath:

Next time you drive by an 18-wheeler on the highway, notice what you are doing. Chances are you are holding your breath. And gripping the steering wheel very tightly. It ‘ s tension-filled; in those few seconds, you inch past them. And your body reacts.

Next time you drive by an 18-wheeler, take a deep breath. You will immediately feel yourself relaxing, your hands unclenching. You will get by that truck without missing a beat.

Take the above action and apply it too chaotic times. Take a deep breath. Repeat as necessary. It is sure to calm you down.

#5 – Visualize what is next:

One of the best ways to get through a chaotic situation is to visualize the prize at the end of the chaos. Bedtime is no exception.

Good things wait for you on the other side when the bedtime routine is over. Time with your spouse. Another episode of “House of Cards.” A bath. Looking in on your beautiful sleeping children. YOUR BED.

As your frustration grows, picture what is on the other side. And know that if you stay calm, the chaos will probably subside quicker, and you will get to your prize.

So there are 5 Ways to Stay Calm in the Middle of Chaos – Even if Losing It Seems Inevitable.

Our lives are chaotic, jam-packed, and crazy. And chances are they aren ‘ t going to change until your kids go off to college and you are left alone in an empty house (but that is a whole ‘ ˜nother topic).

Learning to manage the chaos with your hair and sanity intact is the best way to get through it. And you can do it. Think of all of the chaotic things you have survived already. This is just one more. You CAN DO IT.

Looking for more coping tips to get through your crazy life? I can help. Contact me now, and we can get you started down the path to living the life of your dreams.

Understanding the 5 Love Languages In 2025

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The 5 Love Languages, as introduced by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate,” are the different ways people prefer to give and receive love.

These Love Languages include Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts.

Love is the foundation of any relationship but is not always expressed similarly. Each individual has a unique way of expressing and receiving love, which can often lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications in a relationship.

This is where the concept of the 5 Love Languages comes into play.

We might feel loved when we get a piece of jewelry as an expression of affection, but our partner might feel loved by spending a full day together, just the two of you. We might feel loved when we get a hug, but our partner might feel loved if we take out the trash.

Understanding 5 love languages:

The key is learning what your partner needs to feel loved. Your partner will truly feel loved when you learn what that is and express your love using those actions.

Now let me explain each Love Language and the ways to understand them.

#1 – Quality Time:

Quality Time refers to spending time with your partner without distractions or interruptions. It is not about the quantity of time spent together but rather the quality of that time. Quality Time activities include walking, having dinner together, or watching a movie.

Nothing says ‘ I love you ‘ like full, undivided attention. Being there for this person is critical, but being there ‘ ”with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby ‘ ”makes you feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed activities, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

Whether it is spending uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time.

#2 – Words of Affirmation:

Actions don ‘ t always speak louder than words. Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you if this is your love language. Hearing ‘ I love you ‘ is important ‘ ” hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. You thrive on hearing kind and encouraging words that build you up.

To show love through Words of Affirmation, try giving compliments, expressing gratitude, or leaving notes for your partner. These small gestures can go a long way in making them feel loved and valued.

#3 – Physical Touch:

A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs pats on the back, and thoughtful touches on the arm ‘ ”they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

To show love through Physical Touch, try hugging your partner, holding hands, or kissing them. These small gestures can create deep intimacy and connection between partners.

#4 – Acts of Service:

Can helping with homework be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an ‘ Acts of Service ‘ person will speak volumes. He or she most wants to hear the words: ‘ Let me do that for you. ‘ Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don ‘ t matter. When others serve you out of love (and not obligation), you feel truly valued and loved.

#5 – Receiving Gifts:

Don ‘ t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, cared for, and prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you.

A missed birthday or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous ‘ ”so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are heartfelt symbols of someone else’s love and affection for you.

So now you are familiar with the 5 Love Languages. What to do next?

Go to Gary Chapman ‘ s website, www.5lovelanguages.com, and, along with your partner, take the assessment. You will learn which of the love languages are yours, and your partner will learn which are theirs.

Once you both know each others ‘ love languages, you can stop stabbing blindly in the dark and tell your partner you love them in a language they will understand.

The result? Loving and being loved. One of the keys to happiness and an essential part of living the life of your dreams.

Want more ideas about how to connect with your partner? I can help! Contact me now, and let ‘ s get you started on the path to the relationship of your dreams.

5 Ways to Protect Your Kids During This Crazy Presidential Campaign

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The presidential race of 2016 is like none other. The people are demanding change and with change comes lots of messiness. In this case the messiness involves lots of lying, suspicion, bigotry and name calling.

Many of us adults are completely obsessed with the whole thing, constantly checking the news and reading and re-reading what the candidates are saying. This is okay because we are adults but having the kids too involved with the messiness can be damaging.

I am here to tell you that there are ways to limit the negative effects that a difficult campaign can have on kids.

#1 – Protect your younger kids from anger and hatred.

One of the most remarkable things about this election is the anger flying everywhere. Americans are angry and the candidates are responding with their own anger, some targeting other Americans.

With younger kids it is important that you limit their exposure to vitriol. Young kids are sponges and will absorb any information they are exposed too, some of it good, a lot of it damaging.

So turn off the TV when the kids are in the room. Don ‘ t play videos of the candidates speaking where the kids can overhear. Don ‘ t leave magazines and newspapers with explosive headlines lying around.

It ‘ s summertime. Leave the media behind and get your kids outside.

#2 – Talk about the campaign with your older kids.

Your older kids will be exposed to many, many different perspectives on this election because of social media. Not everything they read will be accurate. Not everything they read will be true. Not everything they read will align with the values you have tried to teach them over the years.

Talk about the election with your kids. Let them ask questions and try to answer them thoughtfully to clarify what they may or may not have heard. And share with them your perspective on what is being said, trying to be as non-partisan as possible.

#3 – Don ‘ t expect your kids to toe the party line with you.

You know what I am talking about. You see little kids attending rallies with their parents, wearing the candidates’ T-shirts. They stand with their parents and mimic everything their parents say, even if they have no idea what their words mean.

Keep your kids out of your politics until they are old enough to decide for themselves what they want and believe. Keep your children innocent for a bit longer because they will have plenty of time to suffer through this themselves when they are older.

#4 – Use this election as an opportunity to educate.

One of the greatest things about America is that it was born from a revolutionary spirit. America objected to how it was being treated by the British, and it revolted and prevailed. As a result, a new nation was born, one based on liberty and equality.

America is going through such a revolution now. The people are protesting against the status quo, the way that our government is using its power to achieve stasis instead of growth. Our country is drowning in partisan politics, and people have had enough.

Talk to your kids about all of this, how great America is and can be, and how we need to recognize our failures, celebrate our victories, and move forward together positively.

#5 – Get yourself away from it all.

I know plenty of people so preoccupied with the election that it is taking over their lives. They are obsessed with what they read and see and spend countless hours arguing with anyone who wants to argue about what the candidates are bringing to the table.

This makes people very, very crabby. And this crabbiness can spill over into your relationships with your kids.

So get away from it regularly. Binge-watch your favorite show read a book, or take your kids for ice cream. Give yourself a break from it all. Take a deep breath and smell the roses.

Set a good example.

We have 5 months left in this campaign. A lot of negative things are going to be said. A lot of name-callings will be done. A lot of promises will be made that might not be kept.

Negativity, name-calling, and lying are all things that we have taught our kids not to do. It is essential that we, as grown-ups, limit their exposure and educate our children so that they can grow up to be the reasonable, thoughtful people we want them to be!

Has this blog made you pause and go, hmmm? I have lots more to share, things that will help you live the life of your dreams. Contact me now and see how.

How To Stop Fighting With Your Husband In 2023 (5 Best Ways)

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Are you wondering how to stop fighting with your husband? Has the frequency and intensity of your fighting grown over time? Do you want to stop fighting so that you can find your way back to each other?

Conflict. We all have it.

We get angry with our mothers, friends, bosses, and kids. It is our husbands, those we have chosen to love and cherish for a lifetime, with whom we seem to get the angriest. And this conflict, this anger, with our husbands can be very destructive and get in the way of living the life of our dreams.

Best Ways To Stop Fighting With Your Husband:

However, there are ways to get through conflict, which is way easier than one would think.

#1 – Carefully choose the time to talk.

This is key.

If you talk to your husband angrily, you will say things you might not mean to say. Words said in the heat of the moment tend to cause much pain and are not necessarily accurate.

Try to wait at least 2 hours after a disturbance before speaking up. This will give you a chance to calm down and speak more clearly. If you can talk calmly about precisely what you are upset about, then you will be more likely to be able to work it out and not let the quarrel escalate.

Also, don ‘ t pick a known stressful time to talk, like during bedtime or just after work. Pick a time when you are calm and can approach the conversation with good energy instead of evil. Calm time can be hard to find, but you can find it when adequately motivated.

#2 – Do not attack.

This is very important and something that many of us do without thinking. And it gets us nowhere.

Let ‘ s say that your husband is always getting home from work late. Instead of saying, ‘ You are always late. Why do you have to be such a jerk? ‘ try saying, ‘ It makes me sad when you are always home late from work. I work hard to get us all together for a family dinner, and I miss it when you aren ‘ t there. ‘

Look carefully at the difference here. If you use the first example, your husband will immediately get on the defensive, and the conversation will end before it begins.

A man and woman playing wii in the kitchen.

In the second example, you are sharing how you FEEL, and no one can argue with how you FEEL. And how you feel is the truth.

What is not the truth is that your husband is a jerk for coming home late.

#3 – Make sure they know you are listening.

This is very hard to do and can feel contrived, but it is crucial to listening and being heard.

It ‘ s called a thoughtful response.

In the case of the example above, with the husband who didn ‘ t come home in time for dinner, the perfect response for him to say would be: ‘ I am sorry that my being late for dinner made you so sad. ‘ With that statement, you know your husband has understood what you are trying to say, which might deflate the argument.

The worst thing you can do is yell back at them, not letting them speak and get their feelings out. Because if you do that, the issue will come up again. Over and over and over.

#4 – Try to remember that we are all only human.

We all make mistakes. More often than not, our troublesome actions are not a reflection of our feelings about someone but are the result of a variety of things (time, motivation, energy level, distractions) that all work together and create a situation that isn ‘ t ideal.

A client of mine’s husband came home on Saturday without picking out the windows he promised her he would pick out. Furious, she said, ‘if you loved me, you would have picked out the windows.’

His mother had called when he was on his way, and he had to run over to help her with something. Yes, it’s not ideal, but it is why he couldn’t do what she had asked, not because he didn’t love him.

Next time you react to something your husband does, take a moment to figure out why it happened. Perhaps you won ‘ t need the two hours to decompress after all.

#5 – Be ready to say sorry and to forgive.

This can be the hardest thing for people ‘ ¦ to say they are sorry and to forgive perceived wrongs… but it is one of the most essential parts of any relationship.

Why don ‘ t we want to say we are sorry? Because it will convey weakness? Because we can ‘ t let go of our anger? Because we are embarrassed by our actions?

Whatever the reason, we need to learn how to do it. Next time you disagree with your husband, try apologizing. See how quickly the anger deflates on both sides.

With the husband who came home late, he should start with, ‘I am sorry that my lateness made you sad. That is apologizing not for the lateness but because of his wife’s pain.

What shouldn’t be said is, “I am sorry that my lateness made you sad, BUT I couldn’t help it.” In an apology, a BUT makes the apology completely ineffective. The BUT means you are making an excuse. You caused pain, no matter the reason, and that needs to be acknowledged.

Similarly, we need to forgive and not hold onto anger. Holding on to anger is one of the most destructive forces in any relationship. If your partner apologizes for his or her actions, you need to find it in your heart to remember that they are only human and that they have taken responsibility for their actions, and that life must move forward.

Final Words:

Arguing with your husband can be a common occurrence in any relationship. Still, it can adversely affect your mental and emotional well-being when it becomes frequent and disruptive. Understanding the causes of your arguments, using effective communication strategies, preventing arguments before they happen, and dealing with ongoing issues are crucial steps to stopping fighting with your husband and maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.

Remember that relationships take work, and moving past arguments and building stronger, healthier relationships is possible. Learning to stop fighting with your husband is vital to keeping your marriage healthy.

Conflict and the resulting anger with anyone can be devastating, especially with a partner. Left unchecked, anger can take on a life of its own and destroy everything in its path.

Don ‘ t let that happen to you. Try to carefully choose your time to talk. Don’t attack. Let them know you are listening and don’t hold on to the anger.

And then, perhaps, you can settle down to a lovely peaceful, conflict-free evening.

Sounds worth it, no?

Do youwant to know more about how to stop fighting with your husband?
Let me help you NOW before it’s too late!
Email me at mitzi@letyourdreamsbegin.com, and let’s get started!

How Life Coaching Can Help You – 5 Reasons To Find A Life Coach

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Everywhere you look, you are bombarded with the message that if you do this ONE THING (take a pill, buy a dress, fix your hair, lease a car), your life will change. And we have all tried that ONE THING, and no miraculous change has occurred.

Shocking! And disappointing.

Working with a life coach is different. The life coach’s approach to change differs from anything you have ever tried, and its potential to create significant change in your life is not to be underestimated.

Ready to be all that you want to be? Truly?

How Life Coaching Can Help You (5 Reasons)

Life coaching is the personal development that can help you achieve your goals and improve your overall quality of life. Unlike therapy or counseling, life coaching focuses on the present and future rather than the past.

A life coach helps you identify your strengths and weaknesses, set achievable goals, and develop a plan to achieve them.

#1. A life coach will help you define what you want and who you want to be.

We know we are dissatisfied with our lives, but most of us don ‘ t know what that looks like. A life coach will help you take stock of your life and define where you are and want to be.

Working with me, we will look at 5 critical areas of your life: physical & mental health, life skills, relationship health, personal care, and career satisfaction.

A good look at these areas will help us determine where you are now and where you want to be, information that is indispensable in bringing about change.

#2 – A life coach will help you create a plan.

Once you have a clear idea of where you are and where you want to be, it ‘ s time to make a plan. You can try to do this on your own, but oftentimes, the prospect seems so overwhelming and off-putting that you don ‘ t know where to start. So you don ‘ t.

A life coach can help you cut through the clutter and the chaos and help you create a plan to get you where you want to be, step by step.

#3 – A life coach will hold you accountable.

This is a vital part of life coaching, one of those things that you really CAN’Tfind anywhere else. Seriously. Anywhere else.

We all have friends and loved ones who support us and promise to make sure we do what we say we will do. But they love us, don ‘ t want to nag, and want us to be happy. And all of that is wonderful, but it doesn ‘ t help you reach your dreams.

Every week your life coach will work with you to create action steps, and every week the two of you will come up with a list of ‘ homework, ‘ things to be done to move you forward on your path.

Your coach will ask about your homework the following week, and I promise you will want to report that you did it. And you will want to do it because you will see how remarkable the change is happening.

#4 – A life coach will power you through the obstacles.

Rocks get onto the road that we are traveling. Sometimes they are small ones that we can pick up and toss aside, but sometimes, they are boulders that require more effort to maneuver around.

A life coach has the knowledge and experience to help you break through those rocks. A life coach can teach you the tools to get past any rock that might get in your way, big or small.

And those tools you can use now and carry in your toolbox forever.

#5 – A life coach will give you unconditional support and encouragement.

Think about a football coach. What does he do? He teaches his team how to play their best and cheers from the sidelines as they do so.

A life coach is the same way. A life coach is there to be your biggest cheerleader but, at the same time, teach you how to be your true self.

And a life coach will be there every step of the way to help you when you falter and cheer you on when you succeed.

Isn ‘ t that just the kind of unconditional support we all want?

Final Words:

Life coaching can be a powerful tool for personal growth and development. It can help you achieve your goals, improve communication skills, overcome limiting beliefs, and increase motivation and accountability. When choosing a life coach, finding someone who is qualified, experienced, and who you feel comfortable working with is essential.

So now you can see how life coaching is that ONE THING that can help you bring about significant, wondrous change.

Working with a life coach will help you finally live the life you have always known you could. And you don ‘ t need to change your hair color or ride to do so.

Of course, every time I mention a life coach above, I mean ME, so get in touch with me NOW, and let ‘ s start making your dreams come true!

Saying No without Guilt: 5 Strategies for Asserting Your Boundaries

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So, your life is chaotic, jam packed and crazy. You wake up each morning wondering how you will get through the day because you have so much to do.

When you drop the kids at school, another parent approaches you about organizing a bake sale/ wrapping paper drive/capital campaign (pick one). What do you say? ‘ Yes. Sure. Of course. ‘

What have you done? You have added one more thing to your already jam packed life.

Saying NO is a very important part of living the life of your dreams. We all want to be involved in what we want to be involved in, but many of us are involved in things we don ‘ t want to do.

Why? Guilt, usually, but also the inclination to be helpful, carry our share of the load, and set a good example for our kids.

These are all great things. But, to be the best person you can be, to set an excellent example for your kids, you must learn ways to say NO.

5 Ways to Say No: The Art of Setting Boundaries

Saying “no” can be difficult, especially when we don’t want to disappoint or upset others. But the ability to say “no” is crucial for maintaining our mental health and well-being. In this section, I will explore the 5 best ways of saying no and common reasons people struggle.

#1 – Believe in yourself and your reasoning for saying NO.

When you are asked to do something, take a moment, or an hour or a day, to consider why you would add this thing to your pile.

Would it satisfy you? Do you have the time? Do you have the interest? Is it the best use of your already limited time?

Considering something carefully before committing to it will allow you to say NO confidently. You have solid reasoning as to why you shouldn ‘ t do it. If you believe in your reasoning, it will be easier to stand up and say NO.

#2 – Keep your NO explanation respectful, short and sweet.

When preparing to say NO, always begin respectfully delivering the message. Say that you are happy to have been asked and thank them for their confidence in you. This will soften them for the following sentence ‘ ¦in which you say NO.

When saying NO, you mustn ‘ t go on and on about why you can ‘ t do something. You have your reasons and want to stick to them, and rattling on about why you are saying NO will only allow the asker to convince you to say yes.

A man holding up his hand with a stop sign on it.

#3 – Don ‘ t take a no to your NO.

Many askers are professionals. They know how to make another person do what they need them to do. When you have decided not to do something, stick to it. You will feel much better about yourself if you do. This can be a learning experience for you and your kids: how to make a choice and stick to it, even in the face of push back.

#4 – Use email.

I know this seems like a bit of a cop-out, but it ‘ s the reason that email was invented ‘ ¦to deliver difficult news.

State your reasons for say NO clearly and decisively and offer no personal justifications or emotional commentary about this decision or anything else.

Your message will land, and the asker will not be able to argue and move on to ask someone else. And there is ALWAYS someone else to ask ‘ ¦

#5 – Reward yourself.

Positive reinforcement is a really good thing. Of course, by saying NO, you will have the positive reinforcement that you haven ‘ t added one more thing to your plate, but I think that it ‘ s essential that you reward yourself when you have done something good for yourself.

So reward yourself for a job well done, saying NO. It can be little, like a beautiful piece of dark chocolate, or significant, like a massage. Whatever it is that will make your heart sing.

You have done something complicated and should credit yourself for a well-done job.

Saying NO does not come naturally to any of us, but once you learn the value of doing so, you will be well on your way to reaching the life of your dreams. Saying NO will help you not only not get overwhelmed, but it will keep your time open for more important things.

And remember, if your kids see you saying NO in a clear, positive and respectful way, they are more likely to do so themselves. This will set them up for success in the future, because they can set boundaries, something every mom wants for her child.

So really, it ‘ s a two for one win. More time for you and a lesson learned for your kids. Well done, Mom!

Final Words:

In the end I will say that, saying “no” can be difficult, but it’s essential for maintaining our mental health and well-being. We can avoid becoming overwhelmed and resentful by setting boundaries and communicating our limits. There are several strategies for saying.

Contact me NOW for more ways to help your dreams come true! You will be happy you did.

 

7 Things to Teach Your Kids SO They Won’t Drive You Crazy

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I am on the other side of raising my kids. Well, mostly. Does it ever really end? Both of my kids are in college, are polite, kind, exciting and inquisitive, and I couldn ‘ t be prouder of them.

The teenage years were tough, but not as tough as they could have been because of what we taught them when they were young.

Teaching these things works. I watched my friends who didn ‘ t teach them flounder during those difficult years, and many wished they could go back and reinvent the wheel.

You won ‘ t have to do that if you read this list…

7 Things to Teach Your Kids So They Won ‘ t Drive You Crazy

Being a parent is one of the most challenging jobs in the world. Raising kids can be challenging, from sleepless nights to endless tantrums. As much as we love our little ones, there are moments when they can drive us crazy. The good news is that there are things we can teach them now that can prevent this from happening.

Here are seven things you can teach your kids now so they won’t drive you crazy!

#1 – How To listen.

If you will take only one thing away from this blog post, take this. Listen to your kids and teach them how to listen to you.

Kids have a lot to say, much of it ramblings, but a lot of information is coming out, and if you aren ‘ t listening, you will miss it. If you hear what they are saying, you can help, guide and support them with what they need, not what you think they need.

#2 – How To alk.

We adults tend to discount what children say, and we shouldn ‘ t. Let them talk and feel heard; they will come to you when they are teenagers and need to talk.

Talk to your kids in a way that encourages them to listen to you and understand where you are coming from. If they understand and trust you, they are way more likely to respect you when they are older.

#3 – You have set appropriate boundaries and will stick to them.

This is very important. If your kids learn early what their boundaries are and that their parents will enforce them, they are less likely to push back when they are teenagers. Our kids were allowed one hour of screen time before homework. When that hour was up, there was no arguing because they knew that if they argued, there would be no screen time the next day. And we stuck to it. Listening to their parents will be as much second nature as brushing their teeth.

#4 – Good habits.

Again, instilling habits is about creating habits that are second nature. Ensure they eat breakfast, have some time outside daily, and treat the dog with love and respect. When they become self-centered teenagers, the habits that they have learned in their childhood will stay with them.

#5 – Good behavior.

Another important one. We parents need to model good behavior. To this end, we must follow “The Golden Rule”: do unto others as you would have others do unto you. If you are impatient with your kids or yell at your husband, your kids will see and mimic your behaviour. The same with how you talk to people in the store, on the phone, or at Christmas. If your kids see you being polite, respectful and friendly, they will be likelier to act them same way.

#6 – The value of free time.

Everyone needs to learn what it is like to have some down time. Make sure they have time every day for themselves and aren ‘ t caught up in the maelstrom of modern life ‘ ¦excelling at sports, academics and social service. Yes, make that a part of their lives, but also let them be kids. They will be adults soon enough and will have a lifetime of maelstrom.

#7 – The importance of reaching for their dreams.

Kids have dreams that need to be encouraged and supported by their parents, even if those dreams seem out of reach or ridiculous to you. So instead of trying to ‘ set them straight ‘ about how life works, encourage their pie in the sky dreaming.

And let them fail to reach those dreams, if that is part of their journey. Children who only know success or that their parents will fix everything will never learn how to fail, bounce back, and grow. They will believe everything will be handled and not reach out to the world with confidence and bravado.

If you teach these things to your kids, those teenage years will be more accessible. And those teenage years are when Moms finally have time to grow. If you aren ‘ t always focused on and fighting with your kids, then you will have time and energy to reach out for your dreams.

And don ‘ t forget- I can help you with that. Get in touch with me NOW, and we can get your started. You will be glad you did!

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