Quiz: Why Am I Feeling Depressed (& What Can I Do About It)?

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Are you seeking a really goodWhy Am I Feeling Depressedquiz?

Are you struggling with feelings of sadness, anger, worthlessness, fear, hopelessness and/or anxiety?

Do you want to figure out what is going on and try to FIX IT?

Let me help!

Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you are trying to figure out why you are depressed.

#1 – Are you unhappy with your work situation?

Work is a central part of our life, a place where we spend most of our time and it is often the source of our feelings of self worth. If you are unhappy at work, at the prospect of getting up in the morning to go to a job you don ‘ t like and then spending the day miserable, it can certainly lead to depression.

If you are unhappy at work it could be a cause of your depression. And if it is, then it’s time to make the choice to try to improve the situation at work or to find yourself a new job. Changing your work situation could help you with your depression.

#2 – Do you have a personal relationship that is unhealthy?

Is your romantic life making you unhappy? Do you have a friendship that is in trouble? Do you struggle with your mother-in-law around family activities? Do you have some kind of personal relationship that isn ‘ t working right now?

If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then it is possible that you are depressed because these relationships are in trouble. Interpersonal relationships are an essential part of our happiness and when there are difficulties it can definitely bring us down.

If you have an unhealthy personal relationship in your life then it could be why you are depressed. Take action to fix that relationship as soon as you can. See a marriage counselor, make nice with your mother-in-law, take a walk with your friend to work things out. Talk to a life coach. Fixing your relationships could help fix your depression.

#3 – Do you have a ton of stress in your life?

Are your days long and full of craziness? Are you under pressure to get a project completed by a certain deadline? Do you just not have enough hours in the day to get everything done?

If the answer to any of the questions above is yes then your depression could be caused by stress.

Stress is very hard on our bodies and our minds. It taxes the adrenal glands which can make us physically and mentally weaker. And when we are weaker we can get overwhelmed and depressed.

If you are depressed because you have lots of stress in your life take steps to manage it. Go for a walk, do some yoga, delegate at work, get a housekeeper, go out with friends. Whatever it takes for you to alleviate some of that stress.

#4 – Have you been taking care of yourself?

We all have such great intentions but we often struggle with taking care of ourselves.

We overeat, or what we eat is unhealthy. Or we don ‘ t eat enough and our blood sugar gets low. Or we stay up too late binging on TV or we lounge around in bed in the morning longer than we should. We try to exercise but we don ‘ t and we beat ourselves up about it.

If you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself this could be the cause of your depression. It has been proven that irregular sleep patterns can cause depression and so can a poor diet. And exercise produces endorphins which make you feel good. No exercise means no endorphins which can lead to feelings of sadness.

So, if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself it could be why you are feeling depressed. Take steps right now to fix your diet, get some exercise and develop healthy sleep habits.

#5 – Are you struggling with your finances?

Do you have enough money to live the way you want to live? Are you in debt, debt that you don ‘ t see how you could possibly pay off? Do you have a partner who spends to excess and you don ‘ t know what to do?

If the answer to any of the above questions is yes then it is possible that your financial struggles are causing your depression. Take steps immediately to figure out how to deal with your finances. Take on a second job if you have to. Talk to a bank that can help you make a plan to take care of your debt. Explain to your spouse that the money is running out. Whatever you need to do to eliminate the financial stress from your life.

#6 – Do you drink to excess or do drugs?

Many people drink to excess or do drugs because of their feelings of sadness and anxiety. Unfortunately, doing drugs and drinking to excess will only exacerbate feelings of depression.

Drinking can make you feel good in the moment but the morning after, with the hangover and the regrets, any depression that might have been lurking nearby will settle right in to stay. The same thing with drugs. Drugs will alter your chemistry enough that they can do a real number on your feelings.

So, if you are drinking to excess or doing drugs, make an effort to stop, or curtail, your behavior immediately. Both of those things will only make your depression worse.

#7 – Have you recently suffered from some sort of traumatic event?

Has some kind of traumatic event taken place in your life recently? Have you lost your job? Did your dog die? Are you going through a divorce?

I know that when I was nursing my mother as she died of pancreatic cancer I got desperately depressed. The day in day out demands of dealing with a sick woman and the reality that my mother was going to die made my life a truly miserable place.

So if you have recently been through a traumatic event it is possible that it is causing your depression. Seek help from a therapist immediately, one who can help you process your feelings and get you back on track.

#8 – Is there a history of depression in your family?

Is there a history of depression in your family? Was your grandmother an angry woman who could never be pleased? Did your mother spend lots of time in her bed crying when you were a child? Does your sister take medication for anxiety?

If there is any history of mood disorders in your family then it is very possible that it is the cause of your depression.

There are two kinds of depression: situational depression, caused by situations, as described in the questions above. And then there is chemical depression, depression that is caused by body chemistry being off balance.

Chemical depression is highly genetic so if you have seen signs of depression in your family it is possible that this is the cause of your depression. Call your primary care doctor right away to get an appointment to discuss your treatment options.

#9 – Is there nothing wrong with your life but you are still feeling depressed?

Is there nothing wrong in your life? Are you happy with your job, your relationships, your finances? Do you not overindulge and take care of yourself? Have you not recently suffered a traumatic event?

If there is nothing wrong in your life but you are still depressed then it ‘ s possible that you are suffering from chemical depression. Call your PCP right away to discuss treatment options.

#10 – Do you feel depressed and then feel better and then feel depressed again?

Do you find that you wake up in the morning depressed and then as your day gets going you start to feel better? And then, sometime later, do you start to feel depressed again?

Or perhaps you are depressed for a day and then you feel fine for a week and then you get depressed again for no reason?

If you depression comes and goes for no reason then it ‘ s possible that you are suffering from chemical depression. Call your PCP right away to discuss treatment options.

Depression can present itself in many forms and understanding from where your depression stems is a key part of managing it.

If your depression is caused by something happening in your life, like your relationships or your finances or your health, then taking steps to make changes could help you get rid of it.

If, however, your depression seems to be the result of something other than circumstance in your life then it ‘ s important to get the help of a professional.

Depression is serious and the longer it goes ignored or untreated the worse it will get.

So think about your answers to these questions and take steps immediately to make change.

Talk to a friend, a mentor, a parent, a therapist or a life coach to help you make the positive change that needs to happen so that you are no longer depressed.

You can do it! Wouldn ‘ t it feel great to not feel the way you are feeling today.

7 Things To Do When You Feel Too Overwhelmed To Think Straight

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You know those days when you feel too overwhelmed to think straight?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like your head is going to explode.

Let me help you manage the overwhelm. It IS POSSIBLE. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stop breathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

When you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do this over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone.

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the reasons it’s hard to think straight when you feel overwhelmed is that you don’t understand what is specifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she had no energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being around her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day-to-day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I came to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what was the cause we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a life coach, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there they have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Write it out.

Do you journal? Or write letters to yourself? Or scribble notes on post-its? If you do, great! If you don ‘ t, it could be time to start.

Writing about things that are overwhelming you can be useful, especially if you don ‘ t have someone with whom to share your stress. Much like speaking, writing allows you to get your stress out of your head and onto paper.

And when you can see your stress on a piece of paper in front of you, instead of having it rolling around in your brain, it ‘ s much easier to manage.

#6 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make a plan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble allowed my client to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#7 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best laid plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

So now you know. When you are feeling too overwhelmed to think straight there are ways to get past it and get past it quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it, out even better. And then make it happen.

Manage your overwhelm. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

 

5 Ways To Organize Your Life After Divorce

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Are you wondering how to organize your life after divorce? Is the life that you once led, the one that you knew so well, suddenly over and completely gone and you have no idea what to do next?

Let me help!

Getting divorced can be devastating but it doesn ‘ t have to be life ending. Getting organized is a great way to get your second chapter started in a very positive way. So where to start?

#1 – Keep your important papers where you can reach them.

Even though your divorce is final, it is very important that you keep all of the paperwork around your divorce close by.

To that end, it is essential that you create a filing system that will work for you to manage that paperwork. Keep your final divorce agreement, a name change document and any other documents that you have related to your divorce in a place where they won ‘ t get lost and where you can get to them easily.

Your divorce might be final but there are plenty of times over the next few years that you might need that paperwork. You might need them if you are applying for a mortgage or filing your taxes or changing your credit card account information. And if you don ‘ t have the info close by you could be in trouble.

I have been divorced for 6 years but still find that I need my paperwork. This Christmas I bought my airplane tickets through Expedia and, by mistake, the tickets were purchased in my married name. I discovered this the night before we travelled and, in order to change the name on the ticket, I had to provide the official name change documentation.

Thank goodness I had it in my file drawer so that I could send it to the airline. It still took me 5 hours on hold with the airlines to get the name changed but get it changed I did!!!! So keep all of the paperwork related to your divorce in one place, a place you won ‘ t forget and have easy access to.

#2 – Get a thorough understanding of your finances.

Every divorce leads to some sort of financial upheaval and making sure you have a clear understanding of what your finances look like is key part of how to organize your life after divorce.

So, first off, review all financial documentation that you have – bank accounts, mortgage accounts, credit card accounts, brokerage accounts, trusts, IRAs, etc. Make sure that you have a clear understanding of your assets, both liquid and fixed.

Next, pull together an accounting of your expenses – your mortgage, your car payments, your tuition payments, your grocery expenses, your kids ‘ after school costs, etc. Whatever it is that you spend money on. Once you have all of your assets and expenses pulled together then it ‘ s time to make a financial plan for your future.

How much money you can spend monthly, what you can put away for savings, what things might need to get adjusted to fit the new financial situation? If your financial documents are all Greek to you, as they were to me, then spend the money and hire a good financial manager who can help you figure out what your money situation is.

A thorough understanding of your financial picture will set you up for future success.

#3 – Identify what kind of help you are going to need.

When I got divorced one of the biggest losses for me was that I no longer had someone living with me who knew how to work power tools, trouble shoot computers and manage our taxes.

For 20 years I had relied on my husband to fix things around the house, to deal with the computer (and other technology) when things went awry and to manage the taxes each year. As a matter of fact, one of the reasons that I didn ‘ t want a divorce was because I didn ‘ t want to deal with doing those things. Suddenly I was alone and I had to figure out how to deal with things that I had no idea how to manage.

So what did I do? I learned how to use some tools on my own – basic tools so that I could do simple things around the house. But. more importantly, I found a handyman who I could rely on to come help me if I needed help. Someone who could do all the little things that my husband used to do that I couldn ‘ t do on my own.

As for technology, I learned that you could Google almost anything and find a You Tube video that would explain how to fix things. I also found a guy in town willing to help me if I couldn ‘ t figure it out on my own.

And finally, for what worried me most, taxes, I hired a tax guy. Every year, in January, he sends me a worksheet of things that I need to pull together so that he can do my taxes for me in April. I gather everything together and send them to him and he does my taxes for me. It costs me some money but it is totally worth it for my piece of mind, knowing that my taxes are done and done properly.

So take an inventory of what you will need to do around your house and figure out what you can do to get those things done. You can either set out to learn how to do them yourself or hire someone to do them for you. Either way, make a plan so you aren ‘ t caught off guard by a broken pipe or a disabled modem.

#4 – Make a calendar.

If you have kids, making a calendar is an essential part of how to organize your life after divorce.

Many divorces result in some sort of shared custody agreement. And with that kind of agreement there are nights, weekends and holidays to work around. Many people don ‘ t want to take a good look at calendars because the prospect of sharing the kids is just too painful to face. As a result, the visitation agreement might not get clearly followed which could create a mess for everyone, especially the kids.

Perhaps your ex doesn ‘ t remember that it ‘ s his day to pick up the kids and they are left standing by the side of the road for an hour. Perhaps you return the kids late without calling and he gets royally pissed off. Perhaps both families have assumptions about Christmas morning that don ‘ t get addressed because nobody created a calendar.

Once your divorce is final, make a calendar, one that you share with your ex, that includes who is going to be where when. Make sure that you both agree on the schedule and both commit to keeping it.

Dealing with exes and kids can be incredibly difficult but if there are no misunderstandings around schedule that will go a long way towards preventing some of the pain.

#5 – Create a support system.

This final piece of how to get organized after divorce is a key piece.

When we are married we tend to focus on our nuclear family. No matter how unhappy we are, in general it ‘ s mom and dad and the kids. Chores are divided, activities are attended, meals are eaten and discussions are had.

Now that you are divorced, you will find that that other person who was usually in bed with you in the morning and at the dinner table at night will be gone. It will be just you and the kids or, even worse, just you.

Making sure that you have a support system is a key part of surviving a divorce. Do you have friends and family who you can rely on? Do you have a therapist or life coach who understands you and can help you manage your emotions? Are you involved in activities with people you enjoy being with? Is work someplace where you can feel good about yourself and confident in your abilities?

If the answer to any or all of the questions above is NO then it ‘ s time to get out there and find yourself a support system.

Getting started with this second act of your life will be very hard and doing it alone will make it almost impossible. So pick up the phone and call some friends or family, make sure you see your therapist regularly, get out of the house and try new things and do things everyday that make you feel good about yourself.

Trying to figure out how to organize your life after divorce is a really smart idea. Good for you for doing it!

Those of us who find ourselves newly divorced have entered new, untrodden territory – territory we have no idea how to manage. And, when you are in a situation you don ‘ t know how to manage, getting organized is a great first step to getting it all under control.

So make sure that you know where all of your divorce paperwork is at all times, get your finances in order, figure out where to get help managing the details of your life, make sure you have a calendar and that you use it well and get a support system in place to help you when times get rough.

Being divorced doesn ‘ t have to be the end of the world. In fact, I am here to tell you that 6 years later I am so much happier with myself and my place in the world than I was when I was married.

I do look back at me 6 years ago and wished that I knew how to better navigate that first year after my divorce. If I knew more I might have skipped over some of the growing pains that I experienced out in the new world on my own.

So get yourself organized. Spend the time and money necessary to get it done so that you can go forwards, living your best life, knowing that you have it all (well, most of it at least) under control.

You can do this. I promise.

If you have read this far you must really be struggling with your divorce.

Let me help you, NOW, so that you can start moving forward with your life!

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Ways to Stop Feeling Depressed About Work

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Are you desperate to stop feeling depressed about work?

Do you wake up every day dreading the day ahead?

Is it making you depressed and anxious and starting to make your life a very unhappy place?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions then it ‘ s time to take action. Time to start figuring out how to stop feeling depressed about work.

Let me help!

#1 – Recognize that you do have control over the situation.

There are many things in life that you have absolutely no control over. Your genetics. Your husband ‘ s drinking. Your mother-in-law’s peckishness.

What you do have control over is your own life. And that control involves taking control over your work situation. Taking control of what is making you so depressed and what to do about it.

Knowing that you have control over the situation, that there are things that you can do to bring about change and it ‘ s not totally hopeless, will go a long way towards helping you stop feeling depressed about work.

#2 – Identify what exactly is making you depressed about work.

Okay so what exactly is it that makes you feel depressed about work?

Is it the person whose desk you share in the office? Is it the work hours or the dress code? Is it your boss or the office manager?

Identifying exactly what it is that makes you so depressed at work will help you figure out how to deal with it.

And you are not allowed to say ‘ ˜all of it ‘ because that won ‘ t get you anywhere. All that will do is make you feel overwhelmed and hopeless and you will stay depressed about work for the foreseeable future.

#3 – Make a plan to make change.

Once you have identified what exactly it is about your job that makes you so depressed it ‘ s time to take action.

Is the reason that you are so depressed at work because of the annoying person you are sharing your desk with? If yes, speak up and either try to figure out how to get along with this person or ask your boss to move you.

Is the reason that you are depressed at work because the work hours don ‘ t really work for you? Are you just so not a morning person and do better late afternoon? Would you rather work 4 10 hour days? Would you rather work weekends? If any of these is the case, then speak up! Ask your boss if you can work different hours. And if you can ‘ t, perhaps it ‘ s time to find a job somewhere with more flexibility.

Employers these days make huge efforts to keep their employees happy and productive. If there is something about your job that is making you unhappy speak up! And if your employee won ‘ t be flexible, pack up your toys and seek employment elsewhere.

#4 – Do satisfying work outside of your job.

One reason that we often feel depressed about our job is because we just aren ‘ t satisfied with the work that we do.

Perhaps our job is answering phones or waiting tables and, while they are a means to an end, they don ‘ t make us feel so good about ourselves at the end of the day.

If this is the case, find yourself something to do outside of work that would make you feel good.

What would that be for you? Maybe volunteering somewhere? Or taking a class in something that has always interested you? Perhaps spending more time with an older, or younger, relative, helping them manage their place in the world.

Whatever you choose, if you are stuck in a job that is making you feel depressed and you can ‘ t get out of it right now, make an effort to do things outside of work that make you happy.

Don ‘ t lie around feeling sorry for yourself. Do something!

#5 – Take care of yourself.

One of the things that happens to us when we are feeling depressed about work is that we stop taking care of ourselves.

We tend to eat and drink more, move less and our sleep suffers. Before we know it not only are we depressed about work but also about how we feel physically. The combination of the two can be lethal.

So make a huge effort to take care of yourself if you are feeling depressed about work. Eat well, making sure you are getting lots of fresh fruit and vegies and protein. Drink in moderation. Make sure that your sleep doesn ‘ t suffer. Get outside and breathe some fresh air.

Doing all of these things will keep you physically and mentally strong so that you can deal with all of the things that you need to deal with to handle this job that is bringing you down.

I know that it can be tough to figure out how to stop feeling depressed about work. Many of us feel trapped in our jobs and the prospect of moving on or bringing about change is overwhelming.

But it is possible to have a job about which you don ‘ t feel depressed. You just need to understand what it is about your job that you don ‘ t like and make a plan to bring about change.

In the meantime, don ‘ t neglect your personal life. Your mental and physical fitness are the key to making changes to be happy.

 

5 Tips For Finding Your Motivation When Feeling Depressed

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Do you have trouble finding motivation when feeling depressed?

If the answer is YES, rest assured that you are not alone. Those of us who get depressed really struggle with being productive when we are feeling blue.

Even worse, not being motivated to do anything when we feel down can only make the depression worse.

Luckily there are ways to find motivation when feeling depressed.

#1 – Get out of bed

This might seem fairly obvious but, for many people, the act of simply getting out of bed when they are depressed is impossible.

The inclination to stay under the covers, in the dark, away from the stimulation of the world is almost irresistible when you are depressed. Bed is comfy and cozy and not going to judge you in any way for how you are feeling.

If you are trapped in your bed, GET OUT OF IT!

People I know who are depressed go to great lengths to stay out of bed when they are depressed.

I have known people to take their mattress off the box spring and lean it against the wall. Some people pile their mattress with books. Others strip the bed of the sheets.

Whatever it takes to keep them out of bed when they are depressed.

Because, out of bed, it is WAY easier to get motivated.

#2 – Exercise

The best way to find motivation, whether you are depressed or not, is to get out of the house and exercise.

The act of exercising produces endorphins which will not only lighten your mood but will give you the energy that you need to get off your butt and get some stuff done.

If you add the outdoors to the mix, by taking a walk or riding a bike, you will only compound the positive effects of the exercise. There is nothing like some fresh air and sunshine to give you the energy to take on the world.

Have you ever felt like you could take on the world after a good brisk walk in the park? Can ‘ t you remember that feeling like it was yesterday?

Do it NOW!

#3 – Spend time with people who make you laugh.

When we are depressed we tend to isolate ourselves. The prospect of getting out of bed and actually interacting with people is too much for us to bear.

This is just exactly the opposite of what we should be doing.

Picture this. You can spend the rest of the day in bed, covers pulled up over your ears, mulling about how horrible the world is and how you are never going to do anything ever again. OR you can invite some friends over and laze around on the couch, laughing about whatever it is that you laugh about with them.

Which one feels better? Which one might lead to you leaving the house and going to a movie?

You tell me.

#4 – Have sex.

When people are depressed they often have absolutely no interest in having sex of any kind. But let me tell you: you should try it!

Having sex when you are depressed produces, like exercise, endorphins that make you feel better and give you more energy.

Even better, having an orgasm gives you a shot of dopamine, the effects of which can last between 5-7 hours. Imagine what you can get done in 5-7 hours.

And best of all, spending some time naked with another person is way better than lying in bed by yourself because being closely connected with someone makes you feel GREAT and if you feel great, even for just a bit, you are more likely to get out into the world.

#5 – Do one small thing.

When we are depressed the idea of getting anything done at all is completely overwhelming. And so what do we do? Nothing. And then how do we feel? Worse.

I am suggesting that, once you get out of bed and get some exercise, you considering doing just one thing. Anything. Because doing just one thing can often lead to doing another.

Choose something that you really like to do. When I am depressed, I love to go through my inbox and throw shit away. Getting organized feels good. What I hate to do when I am depressed is make phone calls. Talking to people on the phone in that state of mind is not a good idea.

So choose one thing that you like to do, in or out of the house. And do it.

Go make coffee. Take the dog for a walk. Make your bed. Even if it doesn ‘ t lead to doing another thing at least you got one thing done!

Finding your motivation when feeling depressed is very difficult. But it is an important thing to try to do.

When we are depressed the world goes on without us. We stay at home, isolated, in pain and feeling hopeless. And while finding motivation might not fix our depression, it certainly will help us to manage it and not let it get the best of us.

So get out of your bed (unless you are having sex in it), get some exercise, spend time with friends and get one thing done.

Reconnect with the world. You will be glad that you did.

6 Steps To Move From Overwhelmed To Calm

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You know those days when you feel like you will never be able to get from overwhelmed to calm?

Those days when everyone and everything is demanding so much from you that you really don ‘ t think that you can take it anymore. Those days where it feels like your head is going to explode.

Let me help you get from overwhelmed to calm. It is possible. It just takes some awareness and action.

#1 – Take deep breaths.

When we are stressed out, the first thing that we do is we stop breathing. Well, not literally stop breathing, because then we would die. But we do unconsciously hold our breath because of increased tension in the muscles used for breathing.

So when you are feeling overwhelmed remember to breathe. Deep breaths into your belly in for 3 seconds and out for 3 seconds. Put your hand over your belly so that you can feel it filling up with air. Do these over and over until you feel a little calmer. Repeat throughout the day as necessary.

It will help you A LOT. I promise.

#2 – Go for a walk.

If it ‘ s at all possible, take some time to go for a walk. There isn ‘ t a woman I know who doesn’t say that her stress levels are always greatly reduced after a walk.

The thing about walking is that it kills two bird with one stone.

Walking encourages deep breathing which calms you down quickly.Also, for some reason, the motion of walking encourages clearer thinking. The rhythm of the stride and the increased oxygen intake can make something that was extremely overwhelming just 20 minutes earlier much easier to manage.

#3 – Identify what is causing the overwhelm.

One of the biggest blockages to getting from overwhelmed to calm is not understanding what is specifically overwhelming you.

A client of mine was SO overwhelmed with her life. She found that she had no energy to get anything done, she yelled a lot at her kids and she could barely stand being with her husband.

She figured that she was just too stressed out by her day to day living and she came to me to help her get more organized.

We talked for a bit and I come to learn that they have 3 new dogs in the house. 3 new dogs. And they were, you guessed it, causing the overwhelm, not her lack of organization.

Once we knew what the cause was we were able to find a solution.

#4 – Share your stress.

Sharing your stress with another person is a key part of dealing with it.

They say that what is kept inside the head is 4x more intense than what is spoken. Also, if you share your overwhelm you might learn something that will help you manage it. We all have things that work for us and sharing them with others can be very helpful.

If you have someone you can talk with about your overwhelm then absolutely do it. Be it a therapist, a friend or a partner, let those overwhelming thoughts out of your head and into the world.

From there they have a reduced power and are easier to deal with.

#5 – Make a plan.

Once you have pinpointed the cause of the overwhelm it is time to make a plan. Without a plan the overwhelm usually doesn ‘ t just disappear. In fact, it often gets worse.

For my client with the dogs, the plan involved crating up the dogs during the dinnertime and also again at bedtime. Not having the dogs bouncing around, distracting the kids and getting into trouble my client was able to focus on the work at hand and not let it stress her out.

No more yelling at her kids. Phew.

#6 – Follow through.

The most important part of making a plan is following through. Even the best made plans don ‘ t work if you don ‘ t follow through.

I have a client who is constantly overwhelmed by her life. She can ‘ t keep her apartment clean, has a difficult time keeping appointments, struggles to do things that involve any planning and who would rather just stay in bed all day.

We made a plan for her to hire someone to clean her apartment once a week and to spend 10 minutes a day neatening up. She was so excited about the plan. And then she didn ‘ t do it. And her apartment stayed a mess. And she continued to be overwhelmed. And even more overwhelmed because she had let herself down by not doing it.

So make sure that you follow through on your plans to deal with your overwhelm. If you don ‘ t your overwhelm could actually truly overwhelm you and that will not be fun.

If you want to get from overwhelmed to calm it is possible and it is possible to do so quickly.

Next time you are feeling overwhelmed get outside and go for a walk, even if it ‘ s just for 20 minutes. Breathe deeply as you stride. You will see that your overwhelm reduces significantly right away.

As you walk, consider what is overwhelming you and make a plan to fix it. If you have someone to help you figure it out even better. And then make it happen.

Manage your overwhelm. Don ‘ t let it manage you.

5 Tips For Having Both Career Success And Happiness

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When we were young girls we were told that we could have it all – a husband, kids, career success and happiness. And we really believed that to be true.

And, while it can be hard work, it is possible to have it all.

Career success and happiness can go hand in hand. Here is how ‘ ¦

#1 – Don ‘ t settle for a career you don ‘ t love.

Unless your career is something that is just a means to an end and isn ‘ t an important part of your self-worth there is NO WAY that you will find happiness in your life if you aren ‘ t happy in your career.

If your career is important to your self worth then it ‘ s essential that you don ‘ t settle for a career that you don ‘ t love.

Many of us start out in a job, any job, just so we can start to earn money. And many of us get trapped in that job, whether we like it or not, because the money is good or the prospect of going out and getting a new job is too daunting.

If you find yourself in that spot, in a career that you don ‘ t love and that is causing your unhappiness, move heaven and earth to get out of that job and find one that you love.

Today, right now, think about what kind of career you would like to have if you were in charge of the world. Just think about it. And when you know GO FOR IT. (Let me know if I can help!)

#2 – Don ‘ t neglect yourself.

Are you one of those people who works so hard at your career that you have stopped taking care of yourself?

Do you tell yourself that the lack of sleep or the weight gain or the hair loss (from stress) is a small price to pay for career success?

If this is you, I am guessing that your happiness level is pretty low, even if your career is going strong. Because you simply can ‘ t be happy in your life if you aren ‘ t taking care of yourself. You might think you are happy. But are you really?

So take the time to take care of yourself and work hard. Get some sleep, eat well, indulge yourself when you can. Taking care of you will ensure you a lot of happiness. I promise.

#3 – Don ‘ t stop learning, both in your life and your career.

Many of us, as we settle into the grown up life of parent, spouse and career person, stop learning. We figured that we paid our dues in high school and college and that is that. No more learning required.

I would argue that learning is essential for growth and happiness and they say it keeps your brain young.

I am not saying that you need to go back to school full time but do make an effort to learn something new every day.

Are you given a project at work that you know nothing about? Dive in! Are you wondering just what is all this hype about apple cider vinegar? Get online and find out. Wondering what you can do to learn some marketing tools so that you can get that promotion? Take a seminar. Hoping for some guidance on love and relationships? Check out the 5 Love Languages.

My point is is that every day there is an opportunity to learn something new. Grab that opportunity. Use your brain. It will get you far.

#4 – Don ‘ t lose touch with friends and family.

Are you the one who is always missing the family event because of work? Are you the one whose friends don ‘ t invite you out for happy hour because they know that you will say no?

If you are this person I am going to plead with you to STOP.

Very old people say that at the end of their life they don ‘ t wish that they had stayed for that one important meeting or that they could have climbed just a little higher on that corporate ladder. At the end of their lives, old people regret the times that they missed with loved ones, precious lost time that they can never get back.

So if you want career success and happiness work hard but not too hard. Your loved ones need you, and you need them for when the going gets rough.

#5 – Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

This is one that I wish I would say over and over and over. I will say it one more time.

Don ‘ t prioritize your career over love.

One career is incredibly important both for personal and financial reasons. But if you put it before your love then you will be setting yourself up for neither career success or happiness.

I have a client whose husband worked all the time, who was never home for dinner and who always missed dates with her. She tried to get him to let go of work a bit and be with her but his career was too important to him.

So she left him. And what happened next? He was alone, living in a small apartment. He had his kids every other week and that was stressful because he had to manage them and work. He didn ‘ t have someone to come home to and support him. Everything suffered.

In the end, my client ‘ s ex lost a promotion because of the chaos that was his life after his divorce.

On top of that, my client ‘ s ex was lonely and sad and left wondering what he had done with this life.

So look up right now at the one you love and decide to make them a priority going forward.

Career success and happiness can definitely go hand in hand.

The key is making sure that you are doing work that you love, that you take care of yourself and that your priorities are on straight.

I love coaching more than any other career that I have had and it has brought me much personal happiness. But I know that I wouldn ‘ t have that happiness without my health, the man sitting beside me and the kids on their way over for dinner.

So go for it. You can have it all too!

What To Do If You’re Suddenly Feeling Depressed For No Reason

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So. You’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason?

Are you happy with the state of your life, with your relationships, your job, your health? Are things generally going along just fine and yet for some reason you are feeling depressed?

If the answer is yes then there are a few things that you can do to try and figure out what is going on

#1 – Consider where you are in this time and place.

As I write this it ‘ s February. It ‘ s 32 degrees here in NYC and it gets dark by 5pm. It is a time of year where lots of people get depressed.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a depressive disorder caused by the change of seasons. Some people get depressed because of the reduced daylight hours. Some people because of the temperature changes. Everyone affected by SAD finds themselves sad without something being wrong.

How do you deal with SAD? The most effective way is with a full spectrum lamp. The lamp will help your body tolerate the change in seasons by exposing it to full spectrum light.

Another thing to ask yourself is if something has happened to you this same time of year in another year that was painful.

I know that every year in early June I get very depressed because it is the anniversary of my mother ‘ s death. Sometimes it creeps up on me and I don ‘ t even know it.

So consider if you have been in a painful place before this time of year. If the answer is YES then you might have your source!

#2 – Get your thyroid and Vitamin D levels checked.

Two major causes of depression can be thyroid hormone levels that are off and low vitamin D.

When our thyroid hormone levels are off a variety of symptoms can arise. One of them is depression. Many of my clients who come to me complaining of depressive feelings often end up having thyroid disorders.

Vitamin D deficiency is also one of the major causes of depression. Because of the prevalence of sunscreen use, and a significant shortage of sunshine during some parts of the year, many Americans don ‘ t get enough sun. The sun is the only way for a human being to get Vitamin D (other than fortified milk and orange juice) so sun deficiency means a Vitamin D deficiency and Vitamin D deficiency leads to depression.

Fortunately, in both cases, testing is easy – a simple blood test – and treatment involves taking a pill.

So if you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason call your primary care doctor and get your blood checked right away.

#3 – Make sure you are taking good care of yourself.

Are you eating well? Getting exercise? Spending time with friends? Taking care of your hygiene?

If not, this could be the cause of your depression.

Taking care of our mental and physical bodies is a key to mental and physical health. If you don ‘ t take care of yourself, but instead live on wine and ice cream, eventually your body is going to react.

A body that isn ‘ t well fed or exercised will start to turn on itself, causing all sort of debilitating issues. One of those issues is depression.

So if you find that you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason, examine how you are taking care of yourself. If you are not doing a good job try to make a change. You might find your depression lifts if you do.

#4 – Ask yourself some questions about how you have been feeling big picture.

For many of us, depression that comes out of nowhere has to do with what is going on in our lives. Perhaps we aren ‘ t taking care of ourselves or perhaps we have a hormone imbalance or a vitamin deficiency. This kind of depression is called situational depression.

It is possible that instead you are suffering from clinical depression, depression caused by a chemical imbalance in your brain.

A good way to get a sense of whether or not you are clinically depressed is to ask yourself some questions. They are:

  • Are you living with feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
  • Are you more irritable than usual?
  • Have you lost interest in things that used to make you happy?
  • Are you not sleeping as well as you used to?
  • Have your sleep patterns changed? Are you spending more time in bed?
  • Have your eating patterns changed? Have you lost or gained weight?
  • Are you more anxious than you used to be?
  • Do you struggle with feelings of worthlessness?
  • Do you have a hard time focusing?
  • Do you think about committing suicide?
  • Do you have new physical problems, like headaches or backaches.

If you answered yes to any, or all, of these questions you might be struggling with clinical depression.

#5 – Reach out for help.

Regardless of what kind of depression you are struggling with, situational or clinical depression, it is important that you reach out for help.

See your primary care doctor right away about your depression. Tell them honestly about your symptoms so that they can treat you.

Many people struggle with the embarrassment of depression. They think that they should be able to suck it up and just deal, like every body else. Well, let me tell you that a significant portion of Americans deal with depression and many of them don ‘ t just suck it up. They either self medicate with food or alcohol or they get treatment from a professional.

Guess which one is better for you.

So, if you’re suddenly feeling depressed for no reason, talk to your primary care doctor. Figure out how to deal with your depression to prevent it from getting worse.

Suddenly feeling depressed for no reason can be scary. Feeling lethargic, unmotivated, sad and angry can be debilitating.

So don ‘ t ignore the depression and hope it goes away. Try the advice above. Consider where you are today, have your hormone and vitamin D levels checked, take care of yourself mentally and physically and check in to see if you might be clinically depressed.

The most important thing is not to go it alone. Get some professional help. Depression will get worse the longer it goes untreated so nipping it in the bud is essential.

If you ‘ ve made it this far you must really be strugglingwithdepression.

Let me help you cope with it, NOW, before your sadness overwhelms you.

Email me at [email protected], or click here, and let’s get started!

5 Things To Do When Emotions Overwhelm You

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You know when you have one of those days when emotions overwhelm you? They can be scary days, can ‘ t they be?

Fortunately there are ways to get through those emotional days without totally falling apart. It takes a little bit of attention and effort but if you are willing to do the work it will prevent those breakdowns that leave you exhausted and spent and unable to function.

So what do you do when emotions overwhelm you?

#1 – Breathe.

The first, and most important, thing to do when emotions overwhelm you is to BREATHE. I know it seems simple and obvious but it isn ‘ t.

Most of us, when put into an emotional situation, forget to breathe. You know when you are driving past an 18-wheeler on the highway? You are gripping the steering wheel super tight and hoping that you won ‘ t get smooshed between the truck and the guardrail. When in that spot, most people hold their breath. Next time, try taking a deep breath as you pass the truck. You will see how much easier it is when you do.

When emotions overwhelm you pause and take a deep breath. Put your hand on your tummy and breathe in for a count of three, filling up your belly as you do, and then release for a count of three. Do this repeatedly until you feel calmer.

The benefits of deep breathing are significant. Deep breathing slows your heart rate and improves your cognitive functioning so that you can think more clearly. And thinking more clearly will allow you to deal with those emotions.

#2 – Identify the emotions.

The next important thing to do, after you have taken a few deep breaths, is to identify what exactly you are feeling.

Are you feeling sadness? Anxiety? Anger? Fear? All of those are emotions that manifest themselves differently in each person and, if you know what emotion is overwhelming you, it will be easier to manage it.

Last year, at my daughter ‘ s graduation, I learned that my ex was bringing his new wife and her family down to NYC for a big post graduation celebration. I flipped out. My heart started beating and my thoughts were racing. I wanted to pick up the phone and yell at him. Or break something.

After some deep breaths I asked myself what exactly I was feeling. Why was I reacting this way? And then I realized: I was jealous. Jealous that I couldn ‘ t give my daughter some big family graduation celebration and that she would be having one with my ex ‘ s family. I was very, very jealous.

And you know what? I was surprised that that was how I was feeling. But knowing that jealousy was the emotion overwhelming me changed everything for me.

First of all, there was a huge sense of relief naming my emotion. When the feeling was just some random anger and hurt I didn ‘ t know what to do with it. Once I knew it was jealousy I was able to process that jealousy. I knew that it was okay that I was jealous. Who wouldn ‘ t be? And knowing that it was okay that I was jealous, and that I was not some woman still bitter about her divorce, helped me process those emotions quickly.

#3 – Feel Them.

I remember the morning after my mom died. Her husband was walking around the house muttering to himself Get over it. Stop being so sad. The day after my mom died.

Emotions are hard to feel. They are painful and confusing and scary. But it is important that we allow ourself to feel them. If we stuff them down, cover them with beer or food or drugs, then we will never be able to learn to deal with them and they will just come roaring back, bigger and fiercer than ever.

So if you are scared to feel those feelings that you have when emotions overwhelm you it ‘ s okay. But fight through that fear and feel those emotions. It will help you let go of them.

#4 – Process them.

So you have done your deep breathing, you have recognized your emotions and you have felt them deeply in your body. What ‘ s next?

Processing your emotions. I know! It ‘ s easier said than done, but it ‘ s very important that you do.

For me, knowing that I was jealous allowed me to ask myself why I was jealous. To figure out the source of the jealousy. For me it was that my kids had a new family, one that I wasn ‘ t a part of. That made me very jealous and very sad. And, to be honest, a little bit angry.

But I knew what it was and was able to tell my kids what I was feeling. They got it and were relieved that their mom wasn ‘ t still bitter about their dad but feeling some genuine, completely understandable emotions.

The same situation has happened again, more than once, and it has been much easier for me to process because I know exactly what emotion is happening and why.

#5 – Let them go.

The final piece to dealing when emotions overwhelm you is to let your feelings go.

Holding onto emotions that overwhelm you is not good for you on many levels.

Holding a grudge or keeping a feeling inside can cause physical illness. It can cause constant bitterness and anger, which isn ‘ t good for your mental health. It can make you unpleasant to be around which could chase your friends away.

So feel your feelings. Process them. And then let them go. It ‘ s okay if they come back but if they do they won’t be as powerful because you will know what to do to handle them.

Knowing what to do when your emotions overwhelm you can be very difficult in the moment. It is hard to think clearly when you are angry or sad or exhausted or hurt.

If you do nothing else on this list, just remember to breathe. If you do you will go a long way towards regulating those emotions and not letting them get the best of you.

And when your heartbeat calms down and your head clears after you breathe, you just might find the others steps easier to manage.

Imagine what it would feel like to not hold onto those overwhelming emotions. Pretty amazing, right?

 

 

 

3 Things To Do RIGHT NOW If You Are Depressed and Angry

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You are depressed and angry and you are scared.

Scared because you don ‘ t know why you are feeling this way. Scared because these are feelings that you can ‘ t seem to control. Scared because you don ‘ t know if the feelings will ever go away.

Depression and anger are scary things to manage but there are ways to do so. Here are what I believe to be the 3 most important things to do first.

#1 – Get to know your feelings.

Depression and anger are both feelings that most of us are familiar with but these feelings can appear in a variety of ways.

At one time or another we find ourselves sad or mad after something happens to us. I was really sad that I lost my mom ‘ s necklace and very mad later in the day because someone cut me off on the highway. Both of those emotions were warranted because those are things that would make any of us sad or mad.

Sometimes sadness and anger go together. My client ‘ s cat died and she was really sad but she was angry too because the cat was hit by a car. In this case, both emotions showed up and once again they were warranted because the circumstances around her cat ‘ s untimely death were both sad and frustrating.

And then, sometimes, depression and anger occur together, for a certain period of time, and nothing has happened to cause them.

I have a client who regularly suffers from depression, caused by a chemical imbalance that she chooses not to treat. As a result, she is often depressed and because she is depressed she can be lethargic, she has little interest in doing things or being with friends, she has gained weight and her productivity is WAY down.

And, as a result, she is pissed. Angry all the time that her life is a mess, that the world is out to get her and that none of it is her fault.

Get to know your depression and anger. Is it sadness and anger brought on by circumstance? Or perhaps the two are present together for logical reasons? If either of these situations are the case then most likely those emotions will pass.

If your depression and anger are more of a constant for you, something that is present in spite of circumstance, then further action is warranted.

Read on.

#2 – Tell someone who loves you what is going on.

If you are struggling with regular depression and anger then it ‘ s time to tell someone else what is going on.

Many people who suffer from depression and anger keep it to themselves. Many of them have isolated themselves from others or have been pushed away by the people they mistreat. They often don ‘ t realize how deep their feelings have become and have no idea what to do about them.

So, if you feel like you have been depressed and are angry, tell someone who loves you what is happening. Telling them how you are feeling and that you need some help.

I have a friend who is my person. He watches my emotions for me because sometimes when I get depressed I just don ‘ t see it happening. Suddenly I find myself lethargic and cranky and I don ‘ t know why. My friend Duncan is the guy who is paying attention for me and who will call me on it if he sees my moods change.

If you are depressed and angry find someone who loves you and share your burden. They will help you find your way out of the mess.

#3 – Get some help. Immediately.

I cannot emphasize this enough. If you are depressed and angry it ‘ s very important that you get some help right away.

Depression is something that can get worse if it goes untreated and the accompanying anger can get worse too. And we all know what can happen if untreated anger rears it ‘ s ugly head.

I have a co-worker who was ALWAYS cranky. At first we all put up with it but then it started to get worse. She was getting really mean and her work, and our work, was starting to suffer. I knew that she had a history of depression and I wondered if her anger was related to that.

One day, when I caught her sitting forlornly alone at her desk, I asked her how she was feeling. She looked at me and burst into tears. She had been treading water, trying to be okay with all of her strong emotions, but they had finally gotten the best of her.

With my help she reached out to her doctor and got the treatment that she needed to help her manage her depression and her anger.

It ‘ s important that you, or the person who loves you, reach out right away to your primary care doctor to seek treatment for your emotions. They might recommend a variety of treatments, such as therapy, medicine or both.

What do you do if you are depressed and angry? PAY ATTENTION, that ‘ s what you do.

Ask yourself where your emotions are coming from. If they are situational and will pass, recognize that and manage them until they do so.

But if your depression and anger are more deep-seated and pervasive then it ‘ s time to get help, from a loved one and a professional.

Depression and anger are serious issues. Don ‘ t take them lightly. For yourself, and those who love you, get help NOW.

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